Being socially responsible is exhausting

Added: 2026-05-15

[00:00:00]The older I've gotten, the more I've come to realize that adulthood is just managing social expectations I didn't ask for. And it really makes me wonder how much of adulthood is really living and how much of it is just managing and committing to social systems. Your typical grown-up works 40 to 45 hours on a weekly basis. Let's put it this way.

[00:00:21]Monday through Friday with running errands, with cooking, with commuting, with sleeping, with taking care of the household between the week. You're not left with much time to do anything else.

[00:00:33]And then comes the weekend, of course, the two days that we've waited for the whole week to just be able to rest. the two days we have to rest to process everything and to just take some time for ourselves. But of course, we live in a society and as partakers of it, we are committed to take part into events.

[00:00:53]Someone you know is turning 30. Someone is getting married. Your boss is throwing some kind of party. Whatever event that it is, there's always something going on on the weekends that you're expected to attend. And sure, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you're going to be antisocial entirely and you're not going to take part of any events. I do believe there are activities that you've been waiting all week for to be able to attend. But what about all of those other commitments that you don't really want to take part of? What about those obligations that you're forced because you're part of a society, because you're part of a group, because you're part of a family that you would much rather stay out of, but you have to attend. I don't want to speak for all of us, but I'm exhausted. If it was up to me, I would be skipping out of 90% of the events and invitations that I'm forced to attend. And this is not about being selfish. This is not about me not wanting to be social or not wanting to help out or trying to exclude myself of society. This is about protecting my energy, protecting my mental energy, protecting my body. If I'm busting my ass week in week out for 40 to 45 hours on a weekly basis non-stop in the only few hours that I have off on the weekends, I don't have time for myself, for my thoughts, for my projects, for my hobbies, and for my rest, then I would much rather not be part of any of it. We are forced, we are entangled as members of society to do all of these things that we don't really want to do. And the problem is not only committing the time that we have to to be part of the community, to be part of these events.

[00:02:29]It's also the persona and the facade and the mass that you have to play. Acting like you love being there, being friendly to everyone, talking to everyone, playing a character as if you would be stoked to be there. And no, it's not only the mental energy and the physical commitment of you being there.

[00:02:46]More often than not, you also have to invest money. You have to buy that gift.

[00:02:50]You have to pay for that dinner. You have to buy clothes to look good and to keep playing part. There's a very, very big value to solitude, to being able to be alone with your thoughts, to be able to digest all of your weekly interactions, everything you took in, everything you did, every scenario that played out, but you don't have time to do it, and you don't have energy to do it because you're socially committed to be part of this society. And it really makes me wonder, am I the only one that sees it this way? Or is everyone attending to that event thinking the same? Would everyone being at that party much rather be at home doing something that they would genuinely love doing?

[00:03:33]Why is it not okay to just be able to say no? Hey, I don't feel like it today.

[00:03:38]I'm not going to go. Hey, thanks for the invitation, but I'm not going to make it. Hey, I'm tired. I need to protect my energy. I need to recover because I have a 45h hour week ahead of me. and I just want to stay home and rest and relax.

[00:03:51]But no, if you tell them no, if you say, "I'm not coming. I don't want to do it."

[00:03:57]Or have to think about the perfect excuse that you're going to tell them, then you start being socially awkward, socially selfish, and you better believe that you're never going to get that invitation again. And most likely, you're going to be excluded. And sure, you might think, "Perfect. That's the perfect scenario. I'm not going to get invited again. I'm not going to get asked out again. so I can just be myself. But all of this comes with consequences. If you don't attend to that work party, you better believe the other guy that did is going to get that promotion over you. You better believe that when you need that day off and you ask your boss, he's not going to give it to you. Or with family, if you don't help them out with whatever favor it is that they need, oo, just wait. Cuz when you need something, they're not going to help you out. And I understand there's a concept of reciprocity there. I help you out, you help me out. I'm there, so I expect you will be there when I need you. But it doesn't have to be about par. It doesn't have to be about balance. It doesn't have to be about equity.

[00:04:55]We don't all function the same. We don't all have the same responsibilities. You might have three kids and two dogs that you have to take care of. And I would understand if you're not going to make it because you have to take care of that. Whereas someone else may have more free time, more free energy, more mental capacity available to make it happen.

[00:05:14]And even if not, even if we were in the same plane level field, what if he just doesn't want to make it, doesn't want to show up, let's let it be. Let's start to make it okay to protect our energy, to say no, to skip out on invitations, on social events without being awkward.

[00:05:33]Let's not pretend we're 15, 16, 20 anymore and have to be at every party, have to be at every event, and have to be friends with everyone. You're much better off having a small circle, having people that understand you, and being open to very, very little close people to you that can understand that you need time for yourself. I could care less about losing it all, about not having friends text me, about losing touch with family, and about having my partner dump me if it came at a cost of my energy, of my peace, of my physical and mental health long term. Because if all of those people are not willing to understand, then they were never the right people for