China's Marriage Crisis: 9 Women Compete for 1 Man

[00:00:00]In the end, I finally became the old maid everyone talks about. Maybe I'll never be able to get married after all.

[00:00:06]No man would want to marry a woman my age. I'm slowly preparing myself to accept that reality, but then I came across a sentence. When your parents are gone, you won't have a home to go back to anymore. That one sentence made me completely fall apart. I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

[00:00:22]I'm almost 35 years old and I'm still not married. My classmates' children are already in middle school. Sometimes I think that if I had gotten married earlier, I would probably have a husband and children by now and my life would be pretty stable. Even if I ended up getting divorced someday, at least I would still have a child, right?

[00:00:39]>> In Shenzhen, there are many highly educated office women with good incomes.

[00:00:43]Most of them have decent looks, stable earnings, and broad [music] knowledge.

[00:00:47]However, they are facing a reality where it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a suitable partner. In China, housing, income, and family background have become almost mandatory criteria for men when entering the marriage market. Under this pressure, many men with average conditions have gradually stopped participating in matchmaking events. As a result, a rather special phenomenon has emerged. Many outstanding women remain in the dating market, while the number of men who meet those standards is becoming increasingly limited. At matchmaking events in Shenzhen, the male-to-female ratio is even said to reach one man to 10 women.

[00:01:22]Although this ratio is recorded in matchmaking events in Shenzhen, it still reflects the imbalance in the dating market in this city. It shows that the number of single women is significantly higher than the number of men considered suitable for marriage.

[00:01:36]>> In Shenzhen, women have become the ones pursuing men. Can you imagine that? At matchmaking events, the ratio is said to be one man to nine women. That means as many as nine women are competing for one man. A man over 30, even if divorced, only needs to be reliable, have a stable job, and want a peaceful life to become hot property. For women, it's the opposite. Once they turn 30, almost no one actively pursues them anymore.

[00:01:59]That's how harsh reality can be.

[00:02:01]According to the woman, not long ago, her company organized several offline matchmaking events. Most of the people who signed up were women of all ages and backgrounds. Meanwhile, very few men signed up, and they were generally not very interested in these events. There was a clear imbalance at the matchmaking events. The female participants took the initiative to approach and get to know the men. In particular, men who were highly educated and good-looking attracted a great deal of attention.

[00:02:26]There was one man in Shenzhen who owned an apartment and a car. More than 20 women surrounded him hoping to get to know him and have a chance to start a relationship. It could be said that he could choose anyone he wanted. Nowadays, [music] women have lowered their standards, yet men are no longer very enthusiastic. Why is that? I was born in 1990. This year I'm already 35 years old. Many people have said to me, "You don't look bad, so why don't you have a boyfriend?" But what people don't understand is that for women, when they reach a certain age, most of the people introduced for matchmaking are either people who have been married before or are divorced and have children. Truly single men are very rare. Meanwhile, for men of the same age who are single, people can still introduce them to much younger women. So, it becomes really quite an awkward situation. It's not that I don't want to I was born in 1992.

[00:03:14]I'm almost 40 and still not married. I truly feel anxious. I'm very worried that I may not be able to find a husband. Now, I almost have no requirements left. I only need the other person to not hit me, treat me well, love me sincerely. As long as those conditions are met, that is enough.

[00:03:31]Other things, such as material conditions or specific expectations, no longer seem that important anymore. I'm almost 43 years old and I still haven't gotten married or had any children. In the eyes of many people, I'm exactly the kind of older leftover woman who is past her prime and no longer wanted by anyone. The truth is, I really want to get married, but now, finding someone I can build a marriage with has become incredibly difficult. Life has already reached its second half, yet I still haven't accomplished any of the most important milestones in life. I feel so helpless and I deeply regret it. Why didn't I get married earlier and have a child when I was younger? But what's the point of regretting it now? Time can never be turned back. I'm turning 36 this year, but I'm still not married.

[00:04:13]Maybe I just won't be able to get married because no one is going to choose someone my age. I'm slowly learning to accept that reality. The other day, my father said to me, "You're still not married. When your mother and I are gone, you'll be all alone in this world. You won't have any family left."

[00:04:29]The moment I heard those words, I completely broke down. He was right.

[00:04:33]Many years from now, I may be all alone in this world. When I grow old and have to go to the hospital for treatment, there may be no one to sign the consent forms for me. When I walk slowly down the street, there may be no one to offer me a helping hand. Just thinking about that is terrifying. It's not that I haven't tried. I've been sincerely looking for the right person. Whenever someone introduced me to someone, I went to meet them, but I still haven't met the right person. Marriage is like a train. No matter how hard I run after it, I just can't catch up. But before love comes into my life, the only thing I can do is take good care of myself. At the very least, I want to stay healthy and avoid too many health problems. How many people are like me, still not having accomplished the big milestone of getting married?

[00:05:14]Some women have a mistaken belief. They think men are even more anxious to get married than women and that older single men worry more than older single women, but that's simply not true. From what I've seen, if you ask who is more anxious, older single men or older single women, the answer is definitely women. Yet many people still believe older single men are the ones under greater pressure. The truth is, older single men usually fall into two groups.

[00:05:39]Some simply don't want to get married.

[00:05:41]Others want to, but their financial situation is still limited. They can't afford a house or a car. For men who have money, they can get married whenever they decide to. And for those who are currently struggling financially, once their situation improves, they can still marry a younger woman. But for older single women, as time goes by, the opportunity to get married becomes harder and harder to find. This year, it can be very clearly felt that quite a few women have started becoming anxious to get married. They are even willing to sit down and negotiate over hard requirements such as the bride price and housing. However, the result has surprised many people. A great many men are no longer interested in getting married. The reality today is that quite a few men have become completely tired of dating and marriage.

[00:06:24]They feel that the cost of getting married is too high, so they simply choose to lie flat and no longer think about getting married. This [music] is because among the population that is of marriageable age, the number of men who truly want to get married is becoming smaller and smaller. More and more people feel that marriage is like a pit, and they no longer want to jump into it themselves. If this trend continues for another three or four years, as the age of older single women continues to increase, they will find themselves in an even more passive position. [music] By then, the people who are truly anxious will probably be women. I have two very real examples. The first is a friend of mine who is over 30 years old.

[00:07:02]He runs his own project and has a fairly stable income. In the past, he had several relationships. He spent a lot of money, but in those relationships, he often felt controlled and under heavy emotional pressure. In recent years, with the economy becoming more difficult and his own life under multiple pressures, he gradually lost confidence in romantic relationships. Now, his biggest hobby is fishing and being alone in peace. He once told me, "If marriage still ends up being full of arguments and pressure, then it's better to live freely alone." The second is a middle school classmate of mine. He has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for seven or eight years, and the relationship is very good, but he clearly says he does not want to get married. Not because he does not love her, but because he feels marriage does not have much meaning. Whether a relationship is stable or not is not determined by a marriage certificate.

[00:07:48]After marriage, both families get involved, and then responsibility, pressure, pride, money, and other factors all make the relationship much more suffocating. Neither of them is an irresponsible man. On the contrary, they are people who have carefully thought about their future. And after calculating everything, they feel they are the ones taking on too much risk.

[00:08:07]The first issue is money. For an ordinary man from dating to marriage, there are countless expenses. Engagement gifts, a house, car, and the wedding alone can easily cost millions of RMB.

[00:08:17]After marriage, they still have to pay the mortgage on the house, pay off the car loan, raise children, and take care of the family. Life becomes tied to an endless cycle of earning money, unable to rest or slow down. That is why more and more people start to think, "If I use that money to take care of myself, improve my quality of life, and live more comfortably, wouldn't that be better?" This is not necessarily selfishness. It is simply a calculation many people make in their minds.

[00:08:43]I'm 33 years old this year. I'm not married, and I don't have any children.

[00:08:48]In the eyes of many people, I'm considered an older single woman.

[00:08:51][music] As someone who has been through this, I want to share a few heartfelt thoughts with you today. There is no such thing as a perfect person in this world. When I was younger, I always believed I would meet someone who could live up to all of my expectations. For example, he had to have a decent appearance and height, a good education or career, reasonable financial stability, and be physically and mentally healthy. I used to have a long list of standards. Looking back now, I truly regret it. So, if you still hope to get married, please listen to this advice. First, be honest with yourself. The kind of person you are is usually the kind of person you will attract. Don't keep living in unrealistic expectations. Second, time is not on a woman's side. The longer you wait, the fewer choices you'll have. Of course, some women do find true love later in life, but they are the exception, not the rule. Each of the standards you set may seem reasonable on its own, but finding one person who meets every single one of them is incredibly rare. Sometimes, reality is far from our ideals. Third, love is never something that comes simply by waiting. A good relationship requires effort from both people. Women born in the 1990s like us were often taught to be reserved and passive. But looking back, I've realized that the happiest women around me are the ones who took the initiative and created their own opportunities. A healthy relationship is built by two people together, not by one person alone. Don't always believe that the next person will be better. If you meet someone who feels like a six or seven out of 10, cherish them and don't let them go. Treasure the person who is in front of you. Only sincerity can be met with sincerity. Don't wait until you've lost someone before realizing what they meant to you. [music] I was born in 1991 and I'm 34 years old this year. I'm still single and have never been married. I want to say something to those women who are still single. Don't be misled by all the toxic motivational messages online that encourage women not to marry, not to have children, and to believe that being independent is all they need. Women should take their 20s seriously by choosing the right partner, then get [music] married and have children at the right stage of life. Instead of spending the years that are naturally suited for marriage and starting a family chasing nothing but a career. After all, most of us are just ordinary people. Very few people achieve real success in their careers. For ordinary people like us, even after working hard for 10 or 20 years, we may only barely save enough for the down payment on a house and afford an inexpensive car. Then one day, when you look back at those friends who got married in their 20s, you'll realize that simply by getting married, they seem to have everything. Their homes are better than yours. Their cars are better than yours. After getting married, they have the support of both families and the love and care of their husbands.

[00:11:29]Meanwhile, after more than a decade of hard work, >> [music] >> when you're finally tired and want a warm place to call home, when you want to get married and have children, you're already in your 30s. In the matchmaking market, you'll find yourself being rejected by almost everyone. People will mock you saying you've missed your chance or that you're past your prime.

[00:11:47]So, after all those years of struggling and working so hard, what was it all for?