Women Are Asking Why Men Stopped Approaching

[00:00:00]They said why don't you believe >> in marriage.

[00:00:01]>> Why don't you believe in marriage?

[00:00:02]>> Because it's a massive L for dudes.

[00:00:04]>> Why is it a massive L for dudes?

[00:00:06]>> repercussions are significant in the event of divorce.

[00:00:11]>> Then why aren't you marrying someone that actually loves you?

[00:00:14]>> Wait, that actually loves me?

[00:00:15]>> Cuz like why would you get divorced?

[00:00:17]>> Is that actually a question?

[00:00:19]>> For in your mind. Why are you so worried about divorce if you're committed to someone?

[00:00:23]>> You think people that get married go into that specific marriage with the anticipation that they're eventually going to get divorced?

[00:00:31]>> No, but why are you so worried about it if you're committed to someone like them? They're committed to each other.

[00:00:36]>> Because women are fickle. Y'all change your minds.

[00:00:39]>> Men change their minds.

[00:00:41]>> Till death do us part don't mean nothing to y'all.

[00:00:44]It don't mean nothing. It's true. 80% divorces are initiated by women.

[00:00:49]>> So I was out tonight with my girlfriends. Sorry, I'm trying to pin my hair up so I can do my lashes. Out tonight with my girlfriends. We were doing like Tony 25 wrap up, drinking wine, doing vision boards, being crazy.

[00:00:59]And the topic of submission came up.

[00:01:01]They said, "Nikki, would you ever submit to a man?" I looked at them like they were crazy cuz I was already two glasses in and I said, "Submit to who? To a man?

[00:01:07]Child, no. I don't even like men like that. Why would I submit to a man?" They said, "Nikki, that's not a good enough reason. Give us five examples of why you would not submit to a man."

[00:01:16]I said, "Okay."

[00:01:17]Number one.

[00:01:18]I can make you, you can't make me. So why would me as a creator bend to my creation?

[00:01:23]That's stupid. Number one. Number two.

[00:01:26]It says that all men are liars. And the Bible clearly states this. So why would I submit to somebody who I know is going to lie to me at some point in time?

[00:01:34]Number three. Why would I submit to a man whose G spot is in his [music] butt hole? That [snorts] Your G spot is in your butt hole. Number four. Why would I submit to somebody who pees and comes out of the same tube?

[00:01:48]That that makes no sense to me.

[00:01:51]Number five. Why would I submit to a man when God didn't even submit to a man?

[00:01:56]Because God was born what? Of a woman.

[00:01:58]So, if God thought enough of me to be born through me as a woman, and he never submitted to a man, then why would I submit to a man?

[00:02:05]Easy.

[00:02:06]>> I got a question for all the women. And so, if you're not a woman, you can just head out the comments right now. I don't want to hear from you, okay? Only women.

[00:02:12]The question is super simple and actually should be easy to answer. I want you to answer the comment. So, here's my question. When you decide that you want to marry a guy, do you think that that guy should be somebody that you want to follow? And if that's the case, why when a man starts to lead, in whatever capacity that looks like, how come you don't follow that man? Now, wait. I actually want you to answer this question. Why don't you follow the man you say you love and can't wait to spend the rest of your life with? How come when that man starts to lead your household, why do you push against his leadership? [music] Mind you, you want a leader as a husband. You believe a critical attribute of being a husband is leading.

[00:02:56]But, the moment that man starts to lead, you ain't really trying to follow him.

[00:03:01]>> Women have impossible standards.

[00:03:03]>> Less than 3% less than 14% of the entire American male population is over 6 ft.

[00:03:13]Less than 14%, and that's all the married men and the men in prison, all of them, girls. So, you're sitting here around here like, oh, he's got to be 6 ft, and he's got to look like this, and he's got to have make six figures or seven figures. When you start adding just height alone, and you hear the percentage that I just gave you on just height, just height. And if you add in what he looks like, like looking like Idris, and making money like this and that, honey, look, you looking for the come up for real, because um I don't know where he's at.

[00:03:47]These match- I was matchmaking, I would be like, man, I would go find these incredible men, and they would be like, oh, I would never date him. He I'm like, I just went and found a freaking pilot, a ex-Falcons player. Are you serious? But, he don't look It's like It's like he's got to be perfect.

[00:04:08]But, you're not perfect.

[00:04:11]You got issues and unresolved issues, and you got a temper, and you're bossy, and you're controlling, and men don't even like to be around you long-term.

[00:04:21]You run everybody away. You think you're so much the ish that you're bougie and vain and stuck up, and men don't like it, and you wonder why you can't >> [music] >> I don't know what the current epidemic of men staring at you from across the bar and then never approaching is. I don't know what is going on with that.

[00:04:40]If you're a man, please answer me. Like, as a woman in a bar, if I'm making eye contact with you more than twice, that is your re-entry to just be like, hello, can I buy you a drink? How are you?

[00:04:49]What's your name? I don't know why we have lost the art of just a simple conversation in public. COVID rotted our brains for the ability to just connect with other people. Especially if you're in New York and this is happening to you, honestly, I would get on Cuffed.

[00:05:00]I'm on Cuffed now, and now and I feel like it's only the type of men who would approach you in a bar. Do you know what I mean? Like, they know what they want or like assertive enough to instigate a conversation. Maybe I'm at the wrong bar. So, if you're in New York and you've been to places where men aren't just scared to literally say hi, let me know. I would stand to argue that women that are hyper-independent have the worst dating experiences. My theory on this is that men have a natural desire to help, and they want that help to be accepted. He wants to feel like he's adding to your life, and this is a way that he can show his love through action, and then she can show her love through appreciation, which will then have him feeling really attached and protective at that point. So, when hyper-independent women don't leave the space [music] to occur, good men just aren't interested. And for the men that do still try with her because maybe she's hot. He has a difficult time forming that attachment while she doesn't. She gets attached, he doesn't.

[00:05:53]Usually doesn't end well.

[00:05:55]>> Yep. Y'all didn't have pushing to my limits. I'm done. I'm stepping away from these dating apps. Why am I asked?

[00:06:01]Because women play too much.

[00:06:04]>> [laughter] >> I used to be on y'all side and be like, you know what? Yeah, maybe a guy should, you know, do more and do this, that, and the third, but nah.

[00:06:12]Y'all are making yourselves single. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to say it, but just from my experience, it's it's I don't want to get into it, bro, but I'm done. You know, maybe I might I might step into a more coaching role, you know, and I'll help some some guys out, you know, help them boost their profile, um you know, tell them what to say if they if they need some help, but beyond that, that's it. I'm done. I'm not stepping into the game no more, you know, it's that's it. [music] These these 2027, man.

[00:06:41]>> Dating is hard as a single woman. It is awful. It's honestly worse than I could have ever imagined.

[00:06:47]>> What?

[00:06:47]>> I honestly, it was easier being single at 19 than it is as a 25-year-old.

[00:06:52]>> That's crazy. That's >> Wait, why though?

[00:06:55]>> I feel like guys used to have so much confidence and they'd approach you like I don't know, when you're younger, it's just so much easier, I feel like.

[00:07:02]>> rejected as much.

[00:07:03]>> Yeah, and now I'll go out and I'm like, "Woo, you know, I'm going to get some attention tonight." and no one speaks to me.

[00:07:09]>> That's because just sitting there looking pretty isn't good enough anymore, okay? We have very much prioritized certain feminine values and so a lot of men have taken that on in a sense of this. He's not just going to randomly approach you if he doesn't get cues. He's looking for those cues because that is consent for him to come and introduce himself. So, here's three things you can do as a woman to get a guy to approach you in a bar. Number one, make that eye contact and smile at him. Don't just look at him, make eye contact, count to three, smile at him.

[00:07:37]That tells him that you see him and he sees you. Number two, actually give him a wave, right? Actually engage and encourage him to actually come and speak to you. Number three, separate yourself from your girlfriends, all right? A guy approaching a group of girls, you guys are just a pack of wolves to him. Give him a chance by separating yourself from the group. If you do that and he's confident, he will come and introduce himself.

[00:08:01]>> You know when you know a man's really healing?

[00:08:04]When he stop having time. When he stops chasing what drains him. When he don't have time for nonsense, for toxic environments, for one-sided relationships, for anything that's not aligned with where he's going or the man that he's becoming. Because sometimes healing looks like protecting your peace. Sometimes it looks like saying no and not explaining why.

[00:08:26]When a man's really growing, he don't care about getting attention. He cares about peace. He don't care about nobody else's approval because he's focused on alignment. That's when you know you're really healing. When your boundaries get stronger than your triggers. Because he's not becoming cold, he's becoming clear. He's not avoiding people, he's avoiding patterns. You can't step into the man that you're called to be while still holding on to the version of you that you're trying to move away from.

[00:08:58]That's why I wrote The Man You're Called to Be because every day you're either repeating cycles or you're breaking them. One page a day, one step at a time to keep becoming the man you're meant to be. Click the button and let's keep growing.

[00:09:14]>> There is no upside for a man in 2026 to enter into matrimony given the current legal landscape. The current legal system that we have does not promote marriage. It's not an equal playing field. It's not an area where men should be participating. This is a game that excludes men. Women are completely capable of earning a living all on their own. In fact, they we can even call them fully grown adults. I think that we're at the place where we can actually identify women as adult human beings and they are capable of earning a living and they don't need to be supported by a man. And that it is no longer a man's job, if you will, to provide and protect a woman. It's not her job anymore, you know? So, with that in mind, the question is, why would a man enter into a situation where he would be committing his assets and his reputation to the ups and downs, the emotional turmoil that exists inside a woman's head? Why would he just gamble that away? What's the upside? What's the return on that investment, you know?

[00:10:16]>> Just just stupidity.

[00:10:18]Like and this is modern women you you can see now when you listen to them what they're doing. They're going to school and they're they're becoming part of different institutions and they're not even getting their stories right.

[00:10:33]You know, if God, you know, God was born of a woman.

[00:10:39]I just trying to figure out how to say this without going too deep into it.

[00:10:46]If you understood it from that perspective it it's two di- There's two different worlds at play here, man.

[00:10:58]You say, "Well, you know, if if he you know, ejaculates or he uses the restroom out of the same tube, why would I why would I listen to him?" Because you do the same thing.

[00:11:09]When you're orgasming and you're using the restroom, it comes out of the same way.

[00:11:15]That's what that was built for.

[00:11:17]>> [laughter] >> That's what that was built for. The same way when you you know, use a restroom, you go number two uh it's it's same thing as a man.

[00:11:28]It's the same thing as a man. It's just, you know, in some ways your sexual reproductive organs have different functions. They have different functions, man.

[00:11:37]You know, you come from me. You The man is in your body or the woman is in your body.

[00:11:43]He provides one half of the reproduction.

[00:11:49]Right? And while you're impregnated, he goes out and he makes sure that you're protected. Come on, guys.

[00:11:56]Come on.

[00:11:58]You know what I mean? Number one, number two, number three, and [music] talking about spiritual matters, you're talking about two different things.

[00:12:05]Right? Well, God comes from a No.

[00:12:08]If you're talking about the Bible strictly, no, it doesn't.

[00:12:11]No, he doesn't. You were talking about the human side of a person.

[00:12:18]I mean, a human came out of Mary.

[00:12:23]Not a spirit.

[00:12:25]Spirit was involved, but a human, a person you can see.

[00:12:30]When they think about it, when you talk about all of these shows about people being haunted and all of this other stuff, they're afraid because they can't see.

[00:12:40]It is a spirit. Is it a It's an invisible entity, invisible to you.

[00:12:46]That's what came in and as the Bible talks about overshadowed.

[00:12:52]And then, because I can do anything that I want, don't actually have to um do things physically like a human would, cuz I'm not a human. So, I do it my way.

[00:13:05]I say specifically, >> [music] >> I want cuz I'm the builder.

[00:13:10]I want this woman to have a child. And this child [music] needs to be it needs to serve two purposes.

[00:13:17]This is what you could do when you create a program as a developer. I want this This is what you do as as when you creating games and all that computer application stuff. I want this game to serve [music] this perfect this purpose.

[00:13:29]And underneath this purpose, I want it to be this this this it. You can do that. You can map it out like that.

[00:13:36]That's what a developer does.

[00:13:38]But because you're you're so you're consumer, you're so short-sided. Consumers can only see things from a certain way.

[00:13:46]They very rarely very seldom do they look at it from the developer's perspective and say, "Oh, I get it. I understand. Okay, so it's meant to be interpreted and understood like this.

[00:13:58]It's meant to be used like this."

[00:14:00]A lot of times consumers take something and they change the original intent of it while the developer is saying, "No, it was originally intended for this." Well, I can do it like this this this and this. That's what you're doing. The way the developer set it up with the original intent, doesn't matter how many times you tell that person, [music] you as a modern woman are going to change it and when it doesn't work, you're going to get mad and say, "Oh, well, you know, I'm all twisted and mixed up. It it's got to be the developer's fault."

[00:14:28]No, it is your fault.

[00:14:31]>> Cuz the harsh reality is a lot of y'all don't want men. Y'all want doormats.

[00:14:35]A lot of y'all want to give men a safe space to have selective masculinity. I'm man enough to you. I'm man enough to pay your bills, but you won't let me be man enough to run a household without a whole bunch of feedback. Without a whole bunch of backtalk. I'm man enough to take you on trips. I'm man enough to take you on shopping sprees, but I'm not man enough to discipline your children that aren't even mine.

[00:14:54]You want me to be selective with my masculinity. So, you want me to be a Superman when it comes to all of your needs, but you want me to be a half a man when it comes to the things that I need.

[00:15:05]>> Audience, quiet.

[00:15:07]>> Audience was silent, but no, that's true. It's selective masculinity. I like that term because they have conditional femininity. I will be feminine when I find a masculine man. However, the masculinity should be on my terms.

[00:15:19]That's a dysfunction of the community.

[00:15:21]That's a dysfunction of the the dating market right now. It's absolute chaos. It's absolute ghetto.

[00:15:27]>> The ghetto.

[00:15:27]>> Cuz how on earth are we going to say black men should protect, but then at the same time, I don't need no man for nothing. So why he protecting you?

[00:15:35]Black men should protect, but when he say take off the lashes, take off the wigs, lose some weight, stop cursing so much. Every other word can't don't have to be a curse word. Can't have some class. Oh, you you insecure. You intimidated. This is not 1950s. You can't tell us what to do. But it's supposed to be 1950s when it comes to the man's duties and responsibilities.

[00:15:53]>> Man, this is some [ __ ] >> It's chaotic, man. It's chaotic. And as unfortunate as it is, until we can humble ourselves and move our pride and ego to the side and realize that if you want a masculine man, it comes with everything. Girl, it comes with his tone, okay?

[00:16:08]It comes with his tone and it comes how he say some stuff. And sometimes he say some stuff and you're going to be like, why you had to say it like that? Like But you just have to understand that masculinity is masculinity and he's not going to try to fit into what your idea of masculinity is. [music] Like, come on now. That Again, that is the world we >> So I just heard a woman on a podcast admit that she's been cheating on her husband and he found out. And so they ended up going to therapy.

[00:16:34]>> [music] >> But then, plot twist, she is taking zero accountability and she's playing the victim card. She even goes on to say that therapist agreed with her, telling her that the husband drove her to do it.

[00:16:48]The lack of accountability amongst women these days is unreal.

[00:16:54]You guys cheat, it's the husband's fault.

[00:16:57]The guy cheats on you, it's also his fault. So sick and tired of seeing women take zero accountability even when they're the ones that did the action, even when they're the ones that are at fault. Still zero accountability. And you wonder why men are not pursuing anymore. Then you wonder why.

[00:17:18]>> So it seems like men don't want to be men no more. And I said, "Why you say that?" She was like, "You know, because a lot of men have a problem with taking care of a woman." I said, "No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what it is.

[00:17:30]The problem is y'all want everything, but y'all don't want to give back >> anything.

[00:17:35]>> That That's the problem. Like Like I have no problem with taking care of my woman, looking out for her, but my problem is if I'm doing all of this and there's no respect, there's no gratitude, there's no appreciation, there's no reciprocation.

[00:17:50]You know, and and and that's the problem.

[00:17:53]>> For women, [music] being single is a sign of intelligence now. If you've been single for a while, your friends and family will try and convince you that there's something wrong with you.

[00:18:01]>> [music] >> There isn't. There's something right.

[00:18:03]Intelligent women stay single because they just don't tolerate [music] nonsense. Chasing a man seems ludicrous if you're a woman of intelligence. You won't work to get a man who can't speak on your level. You won't believe the transparent kaleidoscope of excuses men will throw your way for being flaky or unreliable >> [music] >> or just not dynamic. You won't tolerate disrespect, dalliance, diversion, deviation, and deliberate delay. If men could only feel what an intelligent woman feels when she gets home, closes the door, pulls her bra out of her top, pours her own drink, and strokes her own cat, they'd understand the level they'd have to surpass if they wanted to date her properly.

[00:18:44]Big hug.

[00:18:45]>> Do we need men?

[00:18:46]>> Do I personally need a man? No. Does the world need women, men alike? Yeah.

[00:18:50]>> Well, if the world and society needs men, don't you too need men?

[00:18:53]>> I am completely okay with going off grid, living on an island in peace.

[00:18:58]>> How would you get to the island?

[00:18:59]>> Build a boat.

[00:19:00]>> You would build the boat yourself?

[00:19:01]>> Yeah.

[00:19:01]>> Where would you get the materials to build the boat, like Home Depot?

[00:19:05]>> Chop down trees.

[00:19:06]>> You would chop down trees?

[00:19:07]>> Why not?

[00:19:07]>> With what tool?

[00:19:08]>> A chainsaw. You can make >> You would make the axe yourself? You wouldn't just go buy it at the Home Depot?

[00:19:14]>> No.

[00:19:14]>> So, just to be clear, where where where would you get the metal from? Would you smelt the metal yourself, too?

[00:19:18]>> You don't necessarily need metal.

[00:19:20]>> I'm sorry, is is metal not a component of an axe?

[00:19:23]>> You don't necessarily need a metal axe.

[00:19:27]>> But you said you would get an axe.

[00:19:28]>> If I had to make one with the materials I had available to me, >> You'd cut down the tree.

[00:19:34]>> Would you rather I gnawed it?

[00:19:35]>> What do you mean?

[00:19:36]>> Myron Gains just got his first real girlfriend at 35. He doesn't want to get married, and he thinks living with your wife makes you weak. Why would you listen to him for dating advice? Brian Atlas hosts a dating podcast, but is chronically single. He doesn't want to get married, and he has limited dating experience. Why would you listen to him for dating advice? Andrew Tate, he's never been married. He's probably going to prison. He thinks love is a weakness, and he's probably going to prison. Why would you listen to him for dating advice? Andrew Wilson, always angry and sweaty. He hates single moms, but he married a single mom, and he can't open jars. Why would you listen to him for dating advice? If these red pill dealers aren't actually helping you date, why do you keep going back? Seriously, kick the habit. I'm Raphael. I post content about what women actually want. And if you're trying to date, that might be a better place to start. I've had a great dating life. I'm happily married now in Southern California with my wife and our two dogs. I lived all over the US and Europe, and I promise you, I know more about healthy, happy relationships than those clowns that are grifting on your outrage. If you're tired of the anger, you just want real connection, let's talk.

[00:20:44]>> The end of the day, I will tell you, don't expect an African man to be loyal to >> Oh, it ain't going to happen.

[00:20:50]>> It's not going to happen, because they're very used in their culture to have they but they will they would love their wife down, but they will still have other women. So, it just >> Don't you feel like that about most men?

[00:21:00]>> Yes, but most men are going to hide that. Especially American black men, they're You're hide that, because they want to it's a lot of That's a thing, you know, cuz one thing I know about black men is they're not allowed to be vulnerable. A lot of black men That's why you see all this vulnerable men, black men who are on on Instagram wearing any content creators who are vulnerable, they get millions of followers because that's an anomaly.

[00:21:23]That's not normal for a black man because it's dangerous for you to be vulnerable. You say the wrong thing, you can get for that.

[00:21:29]>> Calling all men, especially you if you agree with this comment, um that you wouldn't want to be with a single mom, especially as a man with no kids.

[00:21:37]Okay. I would love to hear the reasons why.

[00:21:42]>> [music] >> If you agree with this, if you agree with what he said, I would love to know >> [music] >> what the your deal is. So, leave a comment. Please explain. Don't just leave some I [music] need explanations of your reasons why.

[00:22:00]Like it doesn't matter on the woman and her personality and like what she's got going on. Like just it's an automatic no if they have kids.

[00:22:11]Please tell me.

[00:22:12]>> Anyone else notice that she's not asking why he feels that way? So, here's me asking, men, why do you feel [music] like you would rather choose peace over a relationship with a woman?

[00:22:24][music] What is it about being in a relationship with a woman that causes you so much turmoil [music] that you would just rather say, "Fuck it. Be alone."

[00:22:35]Get that boat.

[00:22:36]Go fishing every day.

[00:22:38]Come home alone to your dog. What is it about being in a relationship >> [music] >> that is causing you to feel this way?

[00:22:45]Now I would love to know.

[00:22:47]>> So, tell me about yourself. How old are you?

[00:22:51]>> I'm 26.

[00:22:52]>> Bomber.

[00:22:53]>> Why?

[00:22:54]>> Why don't you rate yourself for me?

[00:22:55]Seven doesn't count.

[00:22:57]>> I don't know.

[00:22:57]>> So, do you always kiss men on dates?

[00:23:00]>> Um if I'm attracted to them, I'm sorry, did I do something wrong here?

[00:23:05]>> How many mouths are we talking?

[00:23:07]>> I don't know why you're asking me this.

[00:23:08]It seems kind of inappropriate.

[00:23:10]>> Let's say you're buying a car. Do you want the Mercedes that's got 32,000 mi on it, or do you want the brand new Tesla?

[00:23:18]>> I I don't know. I'm not into cars. My cat had an emergency. I'm going to have to run. It was great to meet you.

[00:23:23]>> You left me the check.

[00:23:26]>> Seriously?

[00:23:26]>> I think the reason why people don't want love is because most women want their bills paid. They don't want love.

[00:23:32]>> Oh.

[00:23:33]>> They got four or five people. They got four or five people cuz they got more than four or five bills.

[00:23:38]>> [music] >> And I think as long as we're in this transactional era of time, it's never going to be able to get back to love. We got to focus on the core value of what actually matters inside of a relationship, and we've strayed too far.

[00:23:51]Honestly, don't get mad at me. I know there's a lot of ladies in here.

[00:23:54]>> See all the faces behind you.

[00:23:55]>> look, it's the truth. You know, honestly, we live in a era.

[00:23:58]>> Wow.

[00:23:59]>> Charlemagne, I told you she was going to keep it real.

[00:24:02]>> why people don't want love is because most women want their bills paid. They don't want love.

[00:24:07]>> Oh.

[00:24:08]>> They got four or five people cuz they got more than four or five bills. And I think as long as we're in this transactional era of time, it's never going to be able to get back to love. We got to focus on the core value of what actually matters inside of a relationship, and we've strayed too far.

[00:24:24]Honestly, don't get mad at me. I know there's a lot of ladies in here.

[00:24:27]>> See all the faces behind you.

[00:24:28]>> the truth. You know, honestly, we live in a era.

[00:24:31]>> Wow.

[00:24:35]>> [music] >> See, you know, even when you talk about uh you know, selective masculinity, you were talking about, well, you know, you want me to be Superman for the things that you want, but on the things that I want, then you want me to be half a man. You don't [music] you don't want me doing stuff.

[00:24:53]And I would say they like you were saying, on the things that they want, yes, >> [music] >> but even some of these things that they don't know they need, then, you know, cuz they they might read it as, well, you know, the things that you want are harmful and they're part of the patriarchy.

[00:25:15]Cuz that's how modern women think. A lot of modern women are short-sighted. So, some of the stuff that you're You might not even be doing it for yourself, cuz a lot of men are very selfless.

[00:25:25]Right? Obviously, there's things that they want, but you know, their psyche is to set a woman up for the next generation. Hey, this is what I want to do for my kids, especially when I pass away. I want them to be able to do this, this, this, and understand X, Y, and Z.

[00:25:39]So, you need to add on they they don't want you doing things.

[00:25:45]They want you to be half a man when you do things for yourself, obviously, because it's all about them. But then they also want to make sure that you're uh thinking about what They want to make sure that they have full and total control to nix any other plans or any other vision that they don't understand.

[00:26:09]Right? Well, I don't understand that, so I don't agree with it.

[00:26:12]But we're doing this, you know, I'm not This is an opportunity for you. You can do it. No, I don't agree with that, so we're going to nix it. Right? And so, a lot of stuff that the man is saying that's good for the family, not just him, she's nixing it because she doesn't see it. She's not even asking questions about it to get clarification. She just, I don't want to do it.

[00:26:32]>> I'm 37, single, and I've been dating in Miami for the last year. I just saw a girlfriend whose marriage, she's been married for a long time, and she had some good advice for me that I want to share with you. She said when she was on her dates, she would pay really close attention to how the guy was making her feel emotionally inside and less about how to like make him happy with her. She really looked inside herself at how this person was making her feel. She also said that she looked for a person who was open to growing like spiritually, emotionally, and just always improving themselves. And she said to focus less on like if they are asking to get you an Uber to help you to the date. Like don't pay attention as much to like the flashy stuff that they can offer, but you really want to look at the person internally. And I know that that sounds really obvious, but with the big sprinkle sprinkle movement going on, it's not quite as obvious as it seems. That stuff is important, but just make sure that that's secondary and the first thing is the person themselves.

[00:27:48]>> Social media has ruined romance and dating. It has changed thank yous to as you shoulds. It's made compliments expected and demanded in every conversation. And when you do throw a compliment like, "Oh my god, you're so pretty." you're met with, "Yeah, I know, right?" We have created a world where women will post bikini pictures and in the same breath they'll yell at their boyfriends for liking bikini pictures.

[00:28:09][music] There's a good reason all of our grandparents are still married to this day. And it's because none of them had to worry about social media. They never had the social pressure to plan cute dates every single day. Your grandpa didn't feel pressure to get your grandma a new gift every single day. They were allowed to just exist and love at their own rate and volume. Now we have girls being like, "Well, if my boyfriend doesn't post me on Snapchat today, I'm going to break up with him." Sue me, but I don't think that's love. And it's coming from these people posting on social media on couple's accounts. But what they're posting is all fake. It's all fake dates, fake gifts that they've planned as content. So, you shouldn't be comparing your real-life relationship to a content relationship.

[00:28:55]>> It's wild. I've spoken to women I know who have essentially come home and found their partner asking for a breakup.

[00:29:03]They'll sort of go upstairs and find that they've already packed up all of their belongings and just like right, I'm I'm going and they walk out the door and then they never hear from them again.

[00:29:12]Um and it's it is strangely common, I think, for people who have been together for you know, 6 months, a year, 2 years.

[00:29:19]I think we're quite used to ghosting happening for casual relationships and situationships. It's sort of just a common symptom of modern dating, but I think this feels quite new and even more insidious for obvious reasons.

[00:29:32]>> And as you say, the the difference here is that this is for people who are in long-term relationships. And some of the stories that are in your piece of people who've, you know, been away on holiday together, family holidays, have talked about moving in and then they suddenly find their partner just never speaks to them again. How should people respond in this situation? If this is happening to you, what what can you do about it? What should you do about it?

[00:29:53]>> Well, I think you should treat it like the kind of grief that it is and take it very seriously because these things can obviously leave lasting psychological damage. You know, you can be doubting your own recollection of events and sort of end up feeling like you imagined an entire relationship.

[00:30:09]I think one common reason why this might happen is that the person who ghosts is secretly in another that's something I've heard happening quite a lot. Um but I think you just have to take solace in the fact that well, this person clearly wasn't right for you if they can treat you like that and feel grateful that they're not in your life anymore. And if you can, try and get some very, very good therapy to deal with it because it's it's a pretty horrible situation to be in, obviously.

[00:30:36]>> [music] >> Never text a woman or to never say to a woman never ask this question, how is your day? Never say how's your day going? Okay, once again, we have to address this. The player doesn't care.

[00:30:53]It doesn't matter if she's having a good day or a bad day. Why do you care? Why aren't you doing what you want to do?

[00:30:58]Okay, the player doesn't care.

[00:31:01]And the reason why this one is even worse than saying what are you doing today? Because when you say what are you doing today, there is a slight chance if she has interest in you, it might lead to plans and she knows that. But when you say how's your day, this is very bad and here's why.

[00:31:16]What this is doing, okay, this is you trying to check in with her just to see if she still likes you, to see if you get a text message back.

[00:31:27]Okay?

[00:31:28]What you're doing here is you're actually subconsciously looking for reassurance or you're like fishing for some kind of emotional reassurance if she still likes you. The secret here is becoming her number one choice. This is why I keep telling you, how do you do that? You have to learn understand and master the language of women. Very important. If you have not yet joined us, I don't know why.

[00:31:49]I'm watching this constantly help guys in their dating life.

[00:31:52]>> I have no problem with transactional relationships. I actually think in this day and age, I can actually understand why a woman would say, "You know what?

[00:31:59]You can't trust men anymore. They all cheat. They all do all this nonsense.

[00:32:02]I'd rather be with a rich guy, have all my kids with a rich guy." And similarly, I totally understand the man that says, "You know what? Women, they're all the same headache. They all want the same thing. Why I why would I be with one that doesn't give me I could be with a younger that's constantly got energy and she gives me I totally understand the transaction. I agree with doing absolutely anything you want. Just don't be delusional about If you're dating a woman half your age that doesn't speak the same language, don't be delusional.

[00:32:26]Men are so genuinely believe don't know no, she loves me. She loves me because of the term hypergamy, because I'm more powerful, more successful. Women only care about those things more once they're fundamentally attracted to you.

[00:32:37]They have to be attracted to you first, then we give a [ __ ] If you're intelligent and a powerful and successful, but if that underlying attraction is not there, then we're just using you.

[00:32:46]And the underlying attraction can't be there when there's a significant age gap. Because here's the thing with women, we fall in love with connection and we have the most connection with people who are similar to us.

[00:32:57]>> You never heard of the alpha widow?

[00:32:58]Kings, let's talk. The alpha widow is a woman that's been with the man that's given her the apex experience of love, emotion and intimacy. And [music] he's the one that essentially got away.

[00:33:10]She never gets over him. He becomes the benchmark of her experience of dating.

[00:33:15]And every single man after him has to prove themselves to be the most alpha apex experience of her love life. She behaves in a way almost as if this guy is This man that she was seeing has a very high marketplace value and she understands that. He has a high marketplace value than her. It's enough for her to set certain standards and expectations of future men. And anything less than a nine out of 10 on this marketplace scale isn't good enough for commitment for her. And the reason why it's called the alpha widow is because she is unable to move on from this one man because she fails to replicate the passion, love and emotion that you'd normally be associated with dating a man of extremely high value.

[00:33:56]Ryan, how do I defeat the alpha widow?

[00:33:58]How do I defeat this ghost of her past?

[00:34:01]It's either you, number one, become the most alpha apex version of love and emotion for her or you walk away, my friend. My thing is, why would you even deal with the alpha widow?

[00:34:12]There are six signs to know that you're dealing with the alpha widow. Number one, she compares you to her ex repeatedly. Number two, she's never satisfied with you.

[00:34:22]Number three, she still keeps pictures and items that belong to her ex.

[00:34:26]Number four, she goes to her ex whenever issues arise. Number five, she's always in avoidance or frustrated with you. And number six, she suddenly makes herself available to others.

[00:34:38]I hope this helps, kings.

[00:34:40]>> Does modern dating punish emotionally available people?

[00:34:43]>> So, the people who are emotionally unavailable have a much better time on dating apps than the emotionally available people.

[00:34:48]>> Why?

[00:34:49]>> So, emotionally available people, they want something of substance. They want a relationship that will go the the whole way. They want the slow burn. They want gradual development. And a lot of the dating apps now, [music] if you look at a profile, most of the things that they advertise on a profile, if you were to go on there and look at someone's profile, it'll talk about the person's age, the things they enjoy doing, but it doesn't talk about what's their conflict repair.

[00:35:17]What's their love language? What's their emotional availability? What's their emotional capacity? What's their emotional maturity? It doesn't assess for any of those things. And so, what happens is people are bonding over surface level things. Oh, we went to the same school. We live in the same town.

[00:35:30]You like the same food I like. You know, or physical attraction. But it's not really assessing any compatibility regarding relationship values. And I think that's where a lot of people are getting attached to the wrong people.

[00:35:43]>> Don't blame black people for this. Why we got to keep saving folks? And black men have been emasculated in the Democratic Party.

[00:35:51]That's real. They don't see themselves because to lift up black women is beautiful. We should, but not at the expense of black men. We have achieved what we have achieved so far in this country because we are together.

[00:36:04]And we can't pick up other people's bad habits. Now, white women may be able to leave their white man by the side of the road. Sisters can't do that. And the way that in this politics, the way the Democratic Party, the mothers of the movement, and black women delivered, and black women saved, black men do not vote much differently than black women. So, don't do that.

[00:36:27]>> Oh.

[00:36:28]Oh.

[00:36:30]>> However, in person, I have encountered a man slap me because I rejected him from a dance, and I had to end the entire party. Just like Shirley said, he couldn't take that in that moment. I don't want to dance with you. I don't want to engage with you. So, he felt like I got to do something because how are you going to tell me no? Yeah, so he slapped me. Yeah, I shut it down. But again, women have lost their lives because men don't know how to deal with rejection. Men have literally >> [music] >> feel like they are entitled to you just because they are a man.

[00:37:01]>> Yeah.

[00:37:01]>> I think, you know, and once again, when people talk about the manosphere, I wish they would really >> [music] >> dissect it and in a fair way to be honest. Uh, you know, I think there was a clip where a guy was talking about Andrew Tate and how he wasn't this and how he wasn't that.

[00:37:20]I noticed he didn't put in Kevin Samuels. Um, but you know, Andrew Tate, Myron Gaines, uh, Brian Atlas, Andrew Wilson.

[00:37:32]Oh, you know, these guys, they're this, this, this, this, and this.

[00:37:36]Uh, [music] you know, I understand where you're coming from.

[00:37:40]All these guys are grifters.

[00:37:42]Even if we take these guys and move them to the side, okay, you go over there, you guys are terrible. Don't ever speak to me again. You guys don't know what the heck you're talking about.

[00:37:51]>> [music] >> Even if we take them and move them to the side, you're still going to have the issue. This isn't something that just happened uh, within the last 5-10 years. This is something that has been going on for decades. Modern women act in a certain way. They treat men men in a certain way, and men are tired of that.

[00:38:13]That's why [music] you have the space in the first place.

[00:38:16]You have the space because a man somewhere was tired of women doing this, and he started talking about it.

[00:38:23]That's why.

[00:38:24]>> [music] >> I mean, and you still have it today because women are modern women are getting even worse.

[00:38:31]They're doing stuff that's >> [music] >> even dumber than what they were doing.

[00:38:36]That's why it it's it it's living without them even being in the vicinity or the direction.

[00:38:44]I don't know why you guys can't understand [music] that.

[00:38:45]>> Here are three huge challenges that men face when dating online, and I wasn't even aware of this until I started working with them, and I did some research. My name is Misha, and I'm a certified coach specializing in high-performing men. The first thing, an average-looking man has to swipe over 200 times just to get one coffee date.

[00:39:02]One. And even if [clears throat] he lands that conversation, it can often land up in ghosting before or after.

[00:39:08]>> [music] >> So, men could land up swiping over a thousand times just to have a real conversation with someone on a coffee date. And guys, let me know if this is true in the comments, or maybe I'm missing something, or maybe I read the wrong research. Let me know. And now imagine what that does to your self-worth, where you keep putting yourself out there again and again, and you're just met with silence. Number two, men are more willing to say yes to an 80% match. You ask a man, "Would you date a woman who's got about 80% of what you're looking for in a woman?" And most men will say, "Yeah, I'll go for that." But when you ask the same question to women, "Would you go for a match that's 80% of your perfect man?" most of them say, "No, it's not enough." And [music] it's not because they really mean that, I don't think. I think that's just another program that women have been fed. And that leads me on to my third thing, we're constantly telling women, "If he doesn't do the one perfect thing, leave.

[00:39:56]If he doesn't open the door, leave. If he messes up just once, leave." But what I'm asking is, where's the conversation telling men they're worth staying for?

[00:40:03]Where's the space where it teaches men how to lead from presence, not from perfection, cuz that's a lie. And this is exactly what I work on with men. Not to fix you, but to rebuild the things that the dating apps have stripped away, like your confidence, your clarity, or the connection to who you are outside of the app. That's what really matters. And so if this moved something within you, then check out the free healing audio.

[00:40:25]The link is in my bio. Or send me a DM.

[00:40:27]I have a few powerful ways of how we can work together. Because you deserve more than ghosting and rejection, you deserve real connection. You know what to do.

[00:40:34]Women want men to be in provide mode.

[00:40:38]But when [music] we criticize, which is a form of emasculation, a man will retract from providing to protect. And if it's a direct attack like on your character, you're just like you're >> [music] >> fill in the blank.

[00:40:51]>> Your fault.

[00:40:53]>> Now he's protecting himself. And that's what brings out the worst in men when they're protecting themselves cuz it overrides their compelling desire to protect others. They're the smallest version of themselves when they're protecting themselves. They [music] could shut down, they could withdraw, or they could attack. And women cause men to attack and then we think that's who men [music] are. Women cause men to withdraw and we think, "You ghosted me." Right? We have all these accusations after we've caused it by doing something like ignoring, for example, walking by a man day after day as if he's not even worth acknowledging his existence.

[00:41:33]>> The real reason why women claim that they want leaders is so they can reject you because you've now revealed your interest level. Listen to me closely.

[00:41:41]You have been programmed wrong. Listen.

[00:41:45]The more you sit passive and don't try to lead anything, the more you keep it super nonchalant where she can't figure you out why you're not attempting to give effort. Listen, as soon as you lead anything, let's do this, made some plans to do this. Yeah, okay. You've now revealed your interest level.

[00:42:03]And she'll claim that she wants this.

[00:42:05]She will claim that she wants you to plan more things and lead more things only so that way she gets you to open up, reveal your interest level, show that you want to see her, show that you have desire to keep meeting up with her.

[00:42:17]Also, she can one day go, fell asleep, totally forgot to reply.

[00:42:24]Yeah, so busy yesterday.

[00:42:28]That's all that'll go.

[00:42:33]>> Before you get your next man, here's a man fact you should know. I keep hearing people say, "If he wanted to, he would."

[00:42:38][music] But let me ask you something.

[00:42:41]Is he giving you less, or are you asking for more than he's capable of giving right now? Because there's a difference.

[00:42:49]Some men hit a point where they're physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially incapable of giving any more.

[00:42:58]>> [music] >> Not because they don't love you, not because they don't care, but because they have already poured everything they had.

[00:43:05]A lot of modern men are terrified of being loved only for what they provide.

[00:43:11]Because we're watching entire savings accounts disappear overnight. People are losing their jobs, businesses are collapsing. One bad season can change a man's entire life. So, when a man becomes more careful with his money, his energy, and his giving, it doesn't mean that he loves you less.

[00:43:34][music] Sometimes it means he's just trying to survive.

[00:43:38]Now, yes, some men do manipulate with money. They give you everything in the beginning, get you attached to a lifestyle, then use it as control once you're emotionally invested. But, that's not generosity. That is bait. And the sad part is both sides usually know exactly what the relationship was built on. So, here's the real question.

[00:44:01]Do you love that man, or do you love what he provides? Because a man who feels love for who he is will move mountains for you. But a man who feels like an ATM with emotions will eventually shut down. Not because he stopped loving you, but because he realized the only thing is being valued is what he can give.

[00:44:22]>> I see girls commenting saying that they would love to be approached by men, and I just want to say I don't believe you.

[00:44:28]>> Oh, I believe women want to be approached. Oh, 100%. Women aren't lying that they want to be approached. There's just a few things you have to take into consideration about this. Number one is they want to be approached by men they find attractive, right? And I think you went on in some of your videos and you did talk about how attraction matters, etc., etc., etc., right? And I say it all the time that attraction matters.

[00:44:49]And that's what a lot of women want.

[00:44:51]Women just want men who they find attractive to approach them. Now, there's also women who want men to approach them whether they find them attractive or not because they really do want that um um um validation.

[00:45:03]>> [clears throat] >> Right? That's why there is a lot of women who go, "Oh, I want you to approach me." just because they're just whether they like you or not or want you to or not uh from an attractive standpoint, um they just want the validation. They want people to hit on is that free feel-good juice as you you can say. You know? [laughter] It feels good. You know, when someone hits on you even though even though, you know, you're not attracted to them, the fact that, you know, someone hit on you will make you feel good, right? Um that There you go. There you go. That's that's pretty much what it comes down to. Uh but no, women 100% um want men to approach. I mean rates are sky-high. So, I mean, people, yeah.

[00:45:42]>> I realized I was like going on dates with men and entertaining men that I don't have genuine authentic emotional connection with or even attraction to sometimes. I am leveraging for an outcome here. And women do it every day, and so do men. It didn't feel good [music] enough to me. So, that is when I stopped going on the dates, thanked my matchmaker with love, and I went to my fertility doctor. And I told him my dilemma, and he said, "Well, Ebony, you're uniquely positioned in that you can go about motherhood in a solo capacity in New York City." [music] And I researched, and I did my due diligence, and I decided, "I'm going to do it. I'm going to come back to this dating marketplace. I'm going to come back no longer trying to fill a void of I need to get a man to make my motherhood dream come true. I'm going to come back as a mother, and I'm going to come back with a purity of intention that says, "Now I am dating exclusively for emotional and romantic connection."

[00:46:45]>> Your dating is so Like, why can't I just find a girl I love? Why can't I get a girl who doesn't want to talk to 10 guys at the same time? Why can't I just have someone who loves me for me instead of asking me, "When are you going to buy me the next bag?"

[00:47:03]Why?

[00:47:04]What has Instagram done?

[00:47:07]Why?

[00:47:08]Is that what you want? I just want to put a baby in someone.

[00:47:13]Don't Gentlemen, do you not want to spread your offspring? Genghis Khan, 40% of the Mongolians have his DNA.

[00:47:22]We're over here I can't even I can't even find a wife. And if you get a girl pregnant, the next thing you know, she kills the damn baby. Why are you the babies?

[00:47:33]Dating is [ __ ] >> It is still [music] quite a prevalent idea that women in their 30s who are dating are desperate. Like, just after writing the article, I saw the proof because the top comments on social media were, "Yeah, but you are hitting your biological clock." And like, "Yeah, but it is desperate, and you are [music] the leftovers." I don't know. I do just notice that even among like very like well-meaning people I know, if I say I'm going on loads of dates, people like just automatically assume that the men I'm meeting are these non-committal players, [music] and I'm kind of desperately trying to tie down one of them.

[00:48:11]Um and I just don't think they would do that if I was a man. I think they'd be like, "Yeah, fair enough, mate. You got to like you got to play the field. You got to see what's out there. You got to um >> [music] >> you got to be decisive and you know what you want, and you know, don't settle until you find it."

[00:48:26]>> Don't expect an African man to be loyal to you.

[00:48:28]>> ain't going to happen.

[00:48:29]>> It's not going to happen because they're very used in their culture to have they but they will they would love their wife down, but they will still have other women. So, it just >> Don't you feel like that about most men?

[00:48:41]>> Yes, but most men are going to hide that. Especially American black men, they're going to hide that because they want to It's a lot of That's the thing, you know, cuz one thing I know about black men is they're not allowed to be vulnerable. A lot of black men and that's why you see all this vulnerable men, black men who are on on Instagram wearing you content creators who are vulnerable, they get millions of followers because that's an anomaly.

[00:49:06]That's not normal for a black man because it's dangerous for you to be vulnerable. You say the wrong thing, you can get hurt for that.

[00:49:12]>> And I I just >> [laughter] >> That was a You know what?

[00:49:17]Kudos to her.

[00:49:19]This is the type of stuff that we have been saying to women [music] left and right.

[00:49:25]And a young lady, well, she I think she's 30 something actually. So, she may be 36 or something like that, which to some people is pretty young.

[00:49:35]>> [laughter] >> You know, so she was saying, uh you know, there was somebody who was a lady that gave really good dating advice. She said, "Stop focusing on the flashy stuff. So, he can get you an Uber, pay for the date. You need to be focused on who he is as a person. [music] How does he make me feel?"

[00:49:51]Uh and then she went on to name some stuff that like I've been saying, that's the stuff that actually matters.

[00:49:57]>> [music] >> And that's you guys are looking for like the the things that are connected to a person instead of looking at who they actually are.

[00:50:11]And you you get bamboozled by the flash and dash over and over again, and then you end up with the baby. [music] Right? And she was like, I know this is supposed to be so obvious, but with sprinkle sprinkle and that whole movement going on, it's hard to know.

[00:50:26]I mean, not really, but I get what you're saying. When people are talking about sprinkle sprinkle, get a man like this, check for this, it's confusing some of these ladies to where they're like, well, what do I look for?