The Disturbing Truth About Mother-Son Relationships in East Asian Families

Hinzugefügt: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]Recently, I saw a video online in which a mother held her son between her arms, nestling against his chest like a lover, leaving people confused about who was actually the bride.

[00:00:11]The mother's wrong and inappropriate behavior sparked heated debate among netizens. In fact, this video is not the only one showing the intimacy of the mother-son relationship. Throughout East Asian culture, the degree of attachment between mothers and sons is far greater than in other family relationships.

[00:00:28]Whether between father and son, mother and daughter, or father and daughter, none are as intimate as the mother-son relationship. In some families, the relationship between mother and son is even more intimate than the relationship between husband and wife, with the son becoming the mother's asexual lover.

[00:00:44]So, why has the mother-son relationship become something that transcends other family relationships? Hello, everyone.

[00:00:53]Welcome to the All Asian Dilemma Channel.

[00:00:56]Chizuko Ueno, in her representative work Misogyny, proposes the basic family structure of modern East Asia: an incompetent father, a dissatisfied mother, an unsuccessful son, and an unhappy daughter.

[00:01:12]Whether in single-child families or multi-child families, they are just simple combinations of these fixed members.

[00:01:20]The incompetent father stems from the rapid development of modern East Asian society. Before modern times, the father was the supreme figure of the family with absolute authority and status.

[00:01:31]Regardless of his social standing, he was the absolute master at home.

[00:01:35]Whether the children were adults or not, the father's authority remained.

[00:01:40]But with the rapid development of modern society, the possibility emerged for the son to surpass the father, and it became common sense that the new generation should be stronger than the previous one. The authoritative father thus fell to the figure of the incompetent father.

[00:01:55]The mother's role has duality. She is the first absolute leader of her children, but she must also serve a higher leader, the father. She is both leader and led.

[00:02:06]Faced with a husband who does not meet her expectations, the mother naturally expresses dissatisfaction, but what bothers her more is that she has no way out other than serving such a husband.

[00:02:16]Her only hope, naturally, is that her son will become someone superior to her husband, capable of rescuing her from the suffering of reality. In the mother's teachings, the son views the father as a typical negative example.

[00:02:29]But every economic miracle of any modern East Asian country has its end, and the son, foreseeing his own destiny that sooner or later he will become someone like his father, cannot completely hate him.

[00:02:42]Before entering society, he is ashamed of his father and swears never to be like him.

[00:02:47]But after entering society, he gradually reconciles with the incompetent father, assimilating into the unsuccessful son.

[00:02:55]The son also blames himself deeply for not being able to rescue the dissatisfied mother from her predicament. On the other hand, the unsuccessful son fulfills the mother's secret expectation that he will never escape her domination. Generally, in multi-child families, the daughter does not carry the mission of saving the mother, but in single-daughter families, she cannot escape this responsibility either. However, the daughter does not have the same opportunities as the son.

[00:03:19]As a daughter, she knows that no matter how high her social achievements are, her life will eventually submit to a man, and sooner or later she will become a new dissatisfied mother.

[00:03:31]The best proof of this is her own mother, who, upon becoming a wife and mother, was no different from her. The daughter thus becomes the unhappy daughter. In this family structure and under the patriarchal system, the mother's ultimate victory is raising a son with an Oedipus complex.

[00:03:47]Therefore, the son occupies a special position to the mother, who expects more care from her son and prioritizes his filial piety. Of course, this does not mean that the daughter's responsibility disappears. The idea that a daughter is raised for others is already outdated.

[00:04:03]Unlike in ancient times, since the modern era, a daughter's marriage does not mean separation from her original family, and she still has the duty to care for her parents. But, the daughter does not have the son's status.

[00:04:15]Situations then arise where, in reality, parents depend on their daughter, but verbally deny it, saying things like, "Having my daughter care for me in old age is truly a failure."

[00:04:25]Even without saying it, on her deathbed, the mother prefers to have her son by her side, not her daughter. The daughter bears a son's responsibilities, but does not receive a son's status. And the son, in an advantageous position, naturally becomes the greatest beneficiary.

[00:04:42]No matter how many terrible things he has done before, simply being by the mother's side on her deathbed makes him a devoted son. The mother dedicates herself so much, not because she owns her son, but because she herself already belongs to her son.

[00:04:56]On the path of depending on her son to surpass her husband and escape current hardships, the son actually has more decision-making power than the mother.

[00:05:04]Therefore, in families with both a son and a daughter, the mother favors the son more. In fact, it's more like a form of pleasing.

[00:05:11]In divorced families, the boy accepts the father's remarriage better than the mother's.

[00:05:15]Under the belief that only I deserve your trust, he accuses the mother of betrayal.

[00:05:20]As Chizuko Ueno said, "Patriarchy is making the son born between one's own thighs insult one's body." Faced with the mother's expectations and pleasing, it is natural for the son to become Oedipal.

[00:05:34]As Wang Shuo wrote in the film Wan Zi, The Troubleshooters, "Every man's ultimate dream is to marry his own mother, but since the mother is already occupied by the father, he can only marry a woman like his mother, always longing to have a wife like the mother.

[00:05:51]So, what exactly does the son obsess over about the mother? Personally, I believe what men adore is the feeling of being needed that the mother provides them.

[00:06:00]Marrying a woman like the mother is wanting to possess a woman who needs him just as the mother did. But, just like the mother's dissatisfaction with the father, all dissatisfaction comes from unmet needs.

[00:06:11]As a son, even after marrying a wife who needs him and having children, he will eventually fail to satisfy his wife's growing needs, becoming an incompetent father, and the wife he chose himself will become a dissatisfied mother.

[00:06:27]This strange, yet stable family structure perpetuates itself generation after generation. As mentioned earlier, the mother is always a needy person who requires her son to pull her out of the mire.

[00:06:39]But, after raising her son to adulthood, the mother faces terrifying news, the entry of another woman who needs her son, the daughter-in-law. Mother and daughter-in-law naturally develop a competitive relationship, and the core of the competition is deciding whose needs will be met first.

[00:06:56]In ancient times, due to the thought that filial piety is the first of all virtues, the mother won without needing to compete, and the daughter-in-law could only wait until she became a mother-in-law to harvest the fruit of her own son in a continuous cycle.

[00:07:09]But, after the 1980s, the marriage market, which was once nearly universal, became competitive, and whether or not one could have a wife became a variable.

[00:07:19]The mother's status naturally diminished, and insecurity increased sharply. As for who will harvest the fruit, no one can guarantee the mother's victory. This insecurity deepened the mother's dependence. Therefore, whether it is the excessive intimacy of the mother with her son at the recent wedding, or the mother-in-law wearing a more luxurious jew hay, traditional Chinese attire than the bride, these are essentially declarations of sovereignty over the son.

[00:07:48]Terms like mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are fundamentally meaningless. They are deformed states under the patriarchal system. The competition between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is based on the belief that the son's role can meet their needs. That is, they see the young man as the savior of their unhappy lives.

[00:08:05]But they forget that if men could really save women, would there still be competition among them?

[00:08:11]Let's return to that wedding ceremony.

[00:08:14]The father's roles, ignored by the public and by us, are significant. One distant from his wife gives a passionate speech, the other, at the edge of the stage, plays with his phone.

[00:08:24]Negligence is the common enigma of all men present.

[00:08:28]The duty of the groom's father is to comfort and embrace his wife.

[00:08:31]And his long negligence in his career as a husband was what led his wife to seek love in her son. The bride's father did not realize that his daughter was about to enter a tragic family. One could even say he didn't care about his daughter's happiness after the wedding.

[00:08:44]His negligence in decision-making caused him not to notice that his daughter was walking toward the abyss.

[00:08:50]And the groom, standing in the center of the stage, has already become a negligent husband like the father.

[00:08:58]We can say that a new cycle has already begun.

[00:09:03]The key to breaking the cycle lies in changing the way a woman becomes a woman.

[00:09:08]Men become men not because of women, but through assimilation into the male group.

[00:09:13]Becoming a man means being recognized by other men.

[00:09:16]Women are, at most, tools for men to become men.

[00:09:21]Differently, what makes a woman a woman, and the proof of her femininity, is also evaluated by men.

[00:09:28]In East Asian families, the role with the greatest potential to change this is precisely the daughter. Due to the difference, the daughter does not assimilate to the father. Seeing the pitiful situation of the mother, she also understands the tragic consequences of assimilating to her.

[00:09:45]Thus, the daughter naturally has the opportunity to discover a new growth path becoming an independent woman who does not expect a man to meet [music] her needs. Some of them choose not to marry as they are disappointed in men and want to depend only on themselves.

[00:09:58]Others choose to marry, but the reason is no longer the hope that the husband will satisfy their needs, but simply because they love.

[00:10:05]If the husband is in marriage, they will have the courage to divorce and look for another more competent man.

[00:10:11]Those who love themselves and satisfy their own needs have no weak point.

[00:10:16]Families formed with this mindset are healthier and more harmonious.

[00:10:20]The children who grow up in them understand that love is the reason for marriage, not a product of the relationship of needing and being needed.

[00:10:28]So, what did you think about this dilemma? The need of men, not just Asian men, to be accepted [music] and needed.

[00:10:35]Leave your point of view in the comments. If you like the video, leave a like, subscribe to the channel for more videos like this, and I'll see you in the next video.