Chorioamnionitis is an infection of the membranes surrounding the fetus that can cause premature labor and is a significant risk factor for stillbirth; in this case, the mother's undiagnosed infection led to Oakley's birth at 20 weeks despite having a cerclage placed to prevent preterm labor, highlighting the importance of recognizing infection symptoms and understanding that infections can override protective measures like cerclage.
Instala nuestra extensión para buscar dentro de cualquier video al instante
She Is As Strong As An Oak Tree | A Loss Mother's StoryAñadido:
Oakley Elizabeth.
She was our redemption story after so many losses, but she didn't get to stay and she is the spitting image of so many of her siblings.
>> Welcome to Still A Part of Us, a place where moms and dads share the story of their child who was still born or who died in infancy. I'm Winter >> and I'm Lee. We are grateful you joined us today. Please note that this is a story of loss and has triggers. Thanks to our lost parents who are willing to be vulnerable and share their children with us.
>> If you're listening to this podcast, just know that on our YouTube channel, there are pictures and videos that are related to the stories that are being shared.
>> Subscribe and share it with a friend that might need it and tell them to subscribe. Why? Because people need to know that even though our babies are no longer with us, they're still a part of us.
Welcome to Still a Part of Us. I um I'm just so so excited here to have Kelly.
She reached out to us and I the way she worded her um email originally was I was like, "Oh, no. This is she I'm we're going to get into it." But um a lot of losses and and then Oakley was supposed to supposed to be here and and we're sad that she's not. So, Kelly, thank you so much for coming on, chatting with us, and and sharing Oakley's story with us today.
>> Thank you for having me. I really appreciate what you're doing.
>> Yes. Um Okay, so tell us a little bit about yourself. Can you tell us about your family, what it looks like right now and and maybe at the time of Oakley's um when she was born.
>> Yes. So me and my husband Spencer and our six living children just moved to Tennessee this year. So it's been exciting and fun and we've been exploring and loving it. Um Oakley was born on July 13th, 2025. So 10 months and one day ago.
>> Yeah. Um, we lived in Texas then and she was our she was our rainbow after five consecutive miscarriages. So, we were very excited to have her.
>> Yeah. Oh, and Okay. So, you guys that's um I just want to point out a lot of times we talk to um parents that have maybe it's just their first baby that they've lost, but it sounds like you have um you have six kids and and a lot of miscarriages that have happened. So, yeah, looking forward to talking get delving into that a little bit more.
Tell me what you guys like to do as um as a family and in your spare time. I know that you're busy. I know we talked a little beforehand, but tell me a little bit about like what your family likes to do and and how you guys like to spend time together.
>> Yes. So, we're a homeschooling family and my husband is remote now, so we are together 247, so we're very close. Um, our oldest five are boys, so we do a lot of um, loud and fun and energetic activities. We love hiking, we love camping, we love water sports, riding our bikes, all the things. All the things in nature really.
>> Yeah. Being out there and and being involved. So, that is wonderful. And >> freerange children all over the place.
>> Yeah. Which is great. I mean, you want to you want to raise them up so that they can handle hand the world handle the world. And then homeschooling. I just want to point that out everybody.
They're homeschooling sk six kids and that is that is wonderful and and I'm sure it comes with its own funness and challenges and >> all of the above.
>> All of the above. Well, that is that is wonderful. Okay. And then can you let me know where is where are your families from? Um where are I guess are you based out of usual? I mean like when you grew up >> so we both kind of grew up in multiple places but mainly um North Texas. Okay.
Okay.
>> So, then after we had our first four boys, uh, we moved to Colorado and then we moved to Austin and now we're in Tennessee.
>> Okay. Great. And, um, so are your families in Texas still?
>> Um, they're kind of spread out, too. We don't have much relationship with them or contact with them, but we have some in Texas, some in other states.
>> Okay, that's good to know. Um, okay. And then um so let's kind of back up a little bit because you've had your you've had six kids.
>> Um and it sounds like you've always wanted a big family. Is that is that kind of what you guys have wanted to always do?
>> So when we got married, we knew that we wanted a lot of kids. We actually had like a specific number in mind and God gave us that number and that's great.
And then we took measures to prevent any more children. And a couple years after that, he softened our hearts and we were like, "We're trusting him with our finances, with homeschooling, with every other aspect of our life. Why aren't we trusting him with our family size?" So, we my husband had a reversal and we've had two more living children since then.
>> Yeah.
>> And and I always think that it's interesting that God Yeah. He works in in very fun, different, and surprising ways.
>> When you're surprising >> Yeah. You're like, "Oh, okay. That's what we're going to do.
>> Yeah.
>> Um >> Okay. So then so you are planning were you planning on Okay. Let's talk about your miscarriages though. Are you were those planned? Um like were those pregnancies planned? Like yes, we are we're going to continue having children until we feel like it is um we're done.
Our family is done.
>> Yeah. So I know it sounds crazy. Um our first pregnancy actually ended in a miscarriage and then we had the six conse consecutive um living children.
Okay. And then um after that we had a couple years of just kind of secondary infertility. Um I didn't really realize anything was going on with my body or that anything was a miss um until we started having miscarriages. And the first uh three were pretty early and at that point I started like looking into my health a little bit and I made an appointment with um a specialist doctor.
It's like um a more holistic naturally minded OBGYn. So, they do a whole bunch of in-depth testing.
>> And by the time I got into that appointment, I had just suffered my fourth consecutive miscarriage. Um, >> and so at that point, the testing revealed um, honestly, nothing like nothing was a miss really. Um, my progesterone was a little bit low.
>> So, she put me on some bio identical progesterone. Um, and we weren't it, it's not so much that we were trying, we just weren't preventing. Mhm.
>> Um and so then I got pregnant um and had a missed miscarriage that I had to have a DNC for. Um and that was in December of 2024.
>> Okay.
>> So right after that um I made an appointment with an even more specialized doctor. Uh it's a certain kind of immunologist who does like crazy testing things that I had never even heard of. I didn't even know it existed.
Um >> and that testing revealed that I had um a clotting disorder. Um, and the clotting disorder usually leads to loss more often than life, which is I mean my six living children are for sure miracles. Um, >> so then I was put on um some blood clotting medicine, which is a little ironic because I'm a little bit not anti- medicine, but I don't love it. And now I'm I'm on all kinds of things and have been tested for all kinds of things. So >> yeah. Okay.
>> Yes. Did that answer your question?
>> Yes. Yes. Ex that's so from there you were like okay we're we're in a better place. I like you're taking care of your health. You've kind of hopefully addressed it at least with some medication and still not preventing any >> um pregnancy or anything like that. So um >> and I am assuming you get pregnant with Oakley then next. Okay. So after four miscarriages I mean I guess you had one earlier. Yeah, exactly. earlier >> five negative and then the first pregnancy.
>> Yeah. Okay. So, a lot of like a lot of losses like that. I don't know about you or how you felt, but I had I had a loss with I had a miscarriage early on before my son Brandon and that was that was hard. That wrecked me. I don't know how you felt after all of those and it just happening one after the other.
>> Yes. So, prior to the miscarriages, like the hardest thing that I'd ever gone through and that Spencer had ever gone through, we have um a bunch of preeies.
So like leaving them behind in the NICU and getting discharged and going home without your baby like that that wrecked us both several times over. Um and then we started having the miscarriages and it it was sad and it was hard but it was kind of so foreign to us to an extent that um >> I I don't know. It was it was almost like disbelief and like still just really trusting God's plan. like we said we would trust you with everything and we mean it, but at the same time just like I don't know just getting so disheartened and discouraged and like what are you doing Lord? Like why lead us down this path just to give and take away over and over and over. So but I really feel like during that during those struggles >> we were able to address things with both of our health and ju just getting just getting back in alignment to where we should be. And um so I it was a blessing. It was hard, but it was a blessing and that we figured some things out that needed to be figured out and addressed them and we really thought that we were on just a path to life from that point on. So, >> yeah. Yeah. I I like your perspective because I really do sometimes think that you do go on down a path to because you are you need to something needs to happen, something different needs to happen. So, >> yes.
>> Yes. So, I had the um specialized immunologist appointment coming up. Um it was March of 25 and I found out I was pregnant with her in March of 25. So by the time I met with the doctor um we kind of like switched the game plan a little bit. Um and he like immediately started me on a whole bunch of things. A blood clotting medicine, steroid, lowdose steroids. Oh gosh, there were so many other things too. I don't even remember all of them. Um but everything everything was looking good though.
>> Okay.
>> My lab draws were good and all seemed to be well. Okay. When you and and then tell me when you found out that when you were pregnant, like was that were you just kind of feeling a little off or >> Well, so since I have um progesterone issues. Oh.
>> Uh I have to test I test monthly because to us like the sanct syn just so precious. So um I start taking tests like right around when my period's due each month. Um because I have to start progesterone. Actually, it's like a week before that I have to start. Um, just because my body is it it doesn't behave how it should sometimes.
>> So, I test monthly, but I nothing was a miss. It was actually pretty shocking. I remember because I had just had the mis miscarriage in December. So, I just I wasn't expecting it to happen that quickly. And we were actually like leaving that day for a week-l long camping trip to celebrate my birthday and one of my son's birthdays. Um, >> and I just remember being like, "What?
This wasn't supposed to happen. like I have an appointment in like a week with a specialist who's like the best of the best. There's like five of these doctors in the United States and I'm like, "Oh my goodness." Oh no. So it it was all well. He was he was so gracious and was just like excited when he found out when the doctor found out I was pregnant.
Spencer was obviously excited when he found out, but >> it was it was more shocking than than usual, I guess.
>> Yeah. So you're like, "This was not part of the timeline.
>> God's plan, not my own." That's >> Yep. Exactly. Okay. That's so Spencer was excited as well. Did you end up telling your kids what?
>> We didn't yet. Um I really wanted to they they'd walked the path a journey of loss with us, you know, and that was it wasn't easy. It was really really hard on them. And it's not that we wanted to like keep it a secret, but I just wanted to share like some good news and some hope. You know, we had never with our with our other losses, they were all before eight weeks, so we were unable to even like hear a heartbeat, you know? We didn't have like >> I just wanted I just wanted to share the news with them and be hopeful not be like but you know we might lose this baby too. So >> we wanted to wait until um >> we got into the doctor and got to hear the heartbeat and >> it was incredibly hard to wait for that.
And in the parking lot before that ultrasound I was like having a panic attack just because I mean PTSD when you like >> yes >> when you have a miscarriage or you lose a baby there is there is some real PTSD involved. So, but once we once we saw her before we knew it was her, once we saw her heartbeat and got to hear it and um then I think it was it was shortly after that that we shared the news with them. We had like a a scavenger hunt and the the ending of it was we shoved my um youngest living daughter in like a big gift bag and she had a big sister shirt on. So, they came and they found like this big present and opened it and yeah, it was exciting.
>> Oh my gosh, I bet they were so excited.
They were >> the youngest. That is so cute. I bet she was like, "This is so fun."
>> Yes. She liked all the attention, but I think she was like, "I don't get it."
>> Um, and can you tell me how what's the age range right now of your kids?
>> So, right now, my oldest is 15 and then um our living daughter is five.
>> Okay.
>> 14 and four last year.
>> Oh. So, like how fun. How fun >> for all of all of the kids because it Yeah. You just when you're like we're gonna get a little something with a little sibling >> on the way.
>> Yeah.
>> That is so so fun. Okay. And then it sounds like you mentioned earlier that your families are not really super you're not close to your family. So did you tell any other people um or or friends or other family about the news?
>> I'm trying to think of of when we did.
We told um so we have some some friends in our life that are really special to us. We share with them constantly because we wanted we >> Yeah. We welcomed the prayers and you know it's nice to have like a sounding board and someone to vent to or to talk things over with. So we told our best friends immediately. I told her I I mean honestly I probably texted her before I even told Spencer that day. So she knew right away. And then um there's two other ladies in my life who have kind of walked this path of having living children and also having a lot of losses. Um and so I texted them pretty early on as well. And then we told my parents and Spencer's parents probably after a couple of weeks. It was probably still in um sometime in April. Okay. Of last year that we told them. Yeah.
>> Okay. And that I mean that's just it's just fun to share that news. And um Okay. So then you you found out before you guys went camping and then um you ended up uh how how much later did you have that little ultrasound where you got to see about how many weeks was that do you think >> that was like 3 weeks later?
>> 3 weeks later. Okay. Um and that's that's so fun. It's just so so fun. And then you ended up So what how did you um what kind of care did you end up because of the fact you've had so many miscarriages? What kind of care did you opt to have as you were preparing for this pregnancy?
>> Yes. And this is one of those those questions that's like hindsight is 2020.
Like what I know now is a lot different than what I knew a year ago, which will >> eat me alive for the rest of my life.
But so I was under the care of my OB/GYN and then um my the specialist immunologist really wanted me to be under the care of an MFM starting like immediately. um he wanted a whole bunch of extra scans and things like that. Um however, we do have six living children, so like I know my body can carry a pregnancy correctly. Um >> and so I kind of I listened to my OB/GYN who was like, I don't I don't know that it's necessary. Everything seems to be going fine. You know, she really thought that the reason why we were losing babies um is the progesterone issue and then um the clotting issue. So that she she didn't find the immunologist found it and like prescribed me medicine for that. So, I was going to start seeing the MFM at 16 weeks, uh, which is when they usually start like cervical checks and stuff like that because I had had, um, with my first living son, my 15-year-old, I had an I can't remember if it's incompetent or insufficient.
>> Yeah. Insufficient cervix. So, like that >> that was in my past, but it never um it never was an issue with the with my other living children. So, it I think it was >> standard protocol for my immunologist.
um he's a reproductive immunologist, so he deals with, you know, helping ladies get pregnant without um turning to like fertility meds and IVF and things like that. So, >> yeah. So, it was I love I loved my doctors um and my MFM as well.
>> Um but there were like some concerns that I had um again probably a little bit of PTSD um and just being really anxious. But my entire pregnancy starting at like 6 weeks, I felt awful, which I had never had before. And I, you know, sometimes people say it's like, oh, well, it's the difference between like a boy and girl pregnancy, but I have a living daughter. And even my pregnancy with her, like I didn't, I mean, sure, I was nauseous and normal pregnancy stuff, but my entire pregnancy with Oakley, my uterus was just really sore and tender and I would be like couch bound some days, which is so fun when you have living children.
>> Yeah.
>> You're homeschooling them.
So, I did address it at one of my pretty early on appointments, maybe 10 weeks, um, with my OB/GYN, and I am advanced maternal age now, which is also super exciting. So, >> yeah, got to love it when they say that.
You're like, thank you. Thank you.
>> Lovely. What a lovely thing.
>> Yeah.
>> Um, and so she kind of chocked it up to I'm older now. you know, my my living daughter is four, so it had been a couple years since I'd been pregnant, and it didn't it didn't like sit right with me. But I think where I was at, it was just like getting through each day, day by day. And um honestly, just like hoping and praying for the best and kind of blindly trusting um like my care team. Um and again, I love them and they really were wonderful. However, knowing what I know now, I would have pushed for more maybe intervention or testing and things like that. So, >> so it's other than feeling really really bad and not being able to do a whole lot, um >> everything was going well. She was always measuring a little bit ahead, maybe like a week or so ahead.
>> Um but yeah, everything seemed to be fine. And then at that 16week appointment um is when I went to the MFM and that doctor was so nice and lovely and I think I think it was actually I was like 15 something weeks so I wasn't technically 16 weeks but on the ultrasound they were able to see that my that my cervix was already um >> like shortening and funneling and I was contracting but I didn't know it. I have a irritable uterus so with every pregnancy I contract a lot. Um, but I couldn't fill them with Oakley, I think, because my uterus was just so sore and tender already, >> which after the fact I realized like why that was. But so luckily Spencer was with me for that appointment. And so the doctor came in and she was like, "We're going to schedule you for I'm trying to think I think it was like 156."
Um and to like to have a official incompetent or insufficient cervix diagnosis, you have to be 16 weeks or something. So um she was like the next day we're going to schedule uh an emergency um circlage placement.
>> Mhm.
>> So that's Do you know where that is?
>> Yeah. So you you can describe it for we've talked about it several times, but let's hear how they describe it to you and >> Okay. Yeah. So, so with my first I also had the the problem, but um it wasn't realized until 29 weeks. So, like I had to go on hospital bed rest. I was on all this medication and it was rough. Um this one since I was so early, uh I had the option, well, it wasn't so much an option. They told me that I was going to have a circlage placed. So, it's where they essentially like sew your cervix shut and then prior to delivery or going into labor, they remove the stitches.
Um, all of my living children had been C-sections. So, I was going to have a C-section no matter what.
>> But the doctor came in and like kind of explained it all to Spencer and I because it was all Greek. We were like, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Um, >> I feel like I don't feel like I've been contracting and >> and dilating." So, >> so yeah, she examined me and then explained what that process would be like. And that was all going to be happening the very next day. Um, >> yeah. And that was probably one of the more traumatic experiences I've had. the actual procedure itself. So, >> oh yeah, I am sure it does not.
>> Yeah. I was like, you're putting Okay, you're stitching it. Okay.
>> Yes.
>> Yeah. So, the next morning we had to be at the hospital like really really early and I just again I I wasn't I don't feel as informed as I should have been, which hindsight um now I know so much more.
But um at that appointment too, there was like we were watching the baby and um there was like some stuff moving around in my uterus that I've I mean I've seen a decent amount of ultrasounds. Um yeah and I was like what is that? Like it looked like I I don't even know. It looked like um like worms or something. I don't know. Like it was like stuff in my uterus like moving that was not the baby. And I I remember being like what in the world is that? And the tech was like oh you can see that. I was like, "Yes."
>> She was like, "It's just some it's just some like membranes." And you know, she can't really tell me much. So, it wasn't until the doctor came in and she was like, "You do have inflammation." Um, what do they call it? Oh, sludge. They call it amniotic sludge, which sounds so ugly and gross. And she's like, "It's essentially just inflammation." She told me about this supplement to start taking, which I had been on it prior to getting pregnant. Um, and it just kind of like helps your body rid itself of inflammation.
>> And again, at the time, I didn't know what I know now. So I didn't I didn't know like what did the inflammation come from? What can it lead to? You know, all of those things. So yes, we went ahead with the with the circl placement the next day. And I was expecting it to be like the doctor that I had seen who was like this tiny petite little thing. Um super sweet.
>> And when I get there and I realized so I thought I also thought I was going to be put under for it, but that's not safest for baby, which I understand. So Spencer couldn't like go back with me or anything and and so I got a spinal >> which I or is it a sp Yeah, a spinal which I was used to because I've had C-sections.
>> Yeah.
>> And my nurse that day like in triage was just she was such an angel. She was wonderful. She like prayed over us and >> just like encouraged me. I was so scared. I was terrified. And she just really calmed me down. And I didn't know that she wouldn't be my O nurse. So, like right before they came and got me, this like big burly guy comes in, which I usually have female medical professionals. It's just like a personal preference. Um, >> and so I knew that like I was going to have to be cuz to get a spinal, you kind of have to like hug your nerve, like bend a certain way. And I was like, "Oh, hi stranger that I don't know. I don't really feel comfortable hugging you during this, but it is what it is." And then I was expecting um my doctor to come in and she came in with I'm not I don't even know if it was like a teaching student or >> or who it was but it was another like a six six and a half foot guy who looks like a football player and I was just like >> this is it.
>> That changes things a bit like my petite little female nurse or doctor versus that. But they were able to get the spinal in. And the day before my doctor had explained like what exactly they were looking for and like kind of like a worst case scenario like if if XYZ happens that's the worst case scenario, right? And so I'm on the table like completely numb.
>> I'm like minorly hyperventilating. So, the anesthesiologist is like trying to talk me off the ledge and um and I'm listening to the doctor and then the male doctor talk and they're saying all these things that my doctor had told me were like worst case like my membranes were were bulging. I was contracting like constant contractions. Couldn't feel them but they were picking them up on the monitor. um just all this stuff that I'm like so I I do I start like panicking on the table and um >> they had put me in the is it the trend or something? It's where like your head's down.
>> So I'm on the table like this like feel like I can't breathe because I'm like this.
>> Um >> and the anesthesiologist like calls the doctor over and is like she's really freaking out. And so the doctor comes over and she was so sweet and she was like this is okay. This isn't surprising. Like I see this all the time. we're still going to be able to stitch you. Um, we're just gonna wait for I think she described it as like gravity doing its thing, you know, like for my membranes to go back in and and all of that. And so I was laying there for like almost an hour.
>> Oh.
>> Yes. I kept asking my nurse, I was like, "Does Spencer know? Does Spencer know?"
Because they're supposed to like update, you know, >> Yeah.
>> your husband or whoever you have your your person out there. And like he was aware of the worst case scenario, too. I just kept I just kept envisioning him like out there being like what is taking so long? They said 15 minutes, you know, and it was it was well over probably closer to two hours if not longer that I ended up being back there. Um and I was supposed to be released. It was supposed to be like out is it outpatient? Just >> just an outpatient procedure.
>> Yeah.
>> Um so we didn't bring I didn't have a bag. I didn't have child care. I had nothing. Um, and so the doctor right before they were going to place the stitch was like, "Since you're contracting so much, we really just want to keep you overnight." And I was like, "Okay." Um, and then like I kept reiterating like, "Spencer knows, right?
Like Spencer knows." And that's partly because um, our living daughter when she was born, um, I had a placental abruption and >> yeah, I hemorrhaged and so it was a like a stat C-section, I think, or like I'm put under and Spencer knew nothing.
hands.
>> Oh, >> that surgery was >> Yeah.
>> He's probably freaking out, huh?
>> Yeah. It was 4 hours. So, when the baby when my living daughter is named Kisley, when Kaisley was born, he went to the NICU with her and like knew nothing about me at all. Like absolutely nothing. Until finally Kaisley's nurse called down to the operating room and was like, "He needs an update. Like, he has to know something." And obviously, I'm fine. I'm here. All is well.
Kaisley's fine, too. Um, but I knew that he would have like a little bit of trauma from that. like that was my last operation, you know. Um and so I just I just remember being so nervous for him.
I was terrified for Oakley. Um I forgot to mention when we found out that Oakley was Oakley, but um I was terrified for her just because they kept describing like the worst case scenario and that's what I was living. And there's times when like when they're stitching you, they can uh break your waters and I was 16 weeks. So I knew there was like there was nothing to be done. If they break my waters, then you know >> Yeah. And the like the reality of that hit me as I'm on the operating table. I didn't really like think about that the day before when I found out I was going to be having operation. There was just a lot that like I didn't really have time to process or be informed about or research or you know it was all it was all new. So anyway, they finish up and they get me I think I I probably I don't really remember going to recovery. I probably did, but then they brought me to a room because I they were admitting me for the night um on the antipartum unit, I think.
>> Um and so anyway, so I'm like in the room, but there's this one little tech who transported me. So he was waiting for my husband to come up so they could like get me in the bed um because I I was still numb everywhere. And so Spencer gets there and I'm like crying hysterically because that was traumatic.
and him and the um the tech get me in the bed and then I'm like asking him. I was like, "So, what did the doctor tell you?" And he was like, "I didn't talk to a doctor." And I was like, "Well, what did my nurse tell you?" And he was like, "I didn't talk to a nurse." I was like, "They told me that they like called you that they like that they specifically told you everything." And I just I hated that so much because I mean I'm under >> I'm like on I don't even know what I'm on. I have meds flowing through me. Like I'm not really that coherent. I'm really groggy. And I thought that my baby was going to die on the operating table that day. And like Spencer knew nothing. And because that was his question to me. He was like, "Why are you in a room?" And I was like, "What did the doctor tell you?" So it was very traumatic. Um but there was there was like lots of things with her pregnancy that um that just they didn't feel right. Like I think I don't know if it was God preparing me or what, but there was just constant things throughout her pregnancy that I was like something's going to go wrong. Something's going to go wrong.
And like I kind of felt alone in that fear because as my husband, it's kind of Spencer's job to like uh encourage me and >> reassure and Yeah.
>> And then my friends um that like I could share my heart with, you know, they were also encouraging and that's their job.
That's what they're supposed to do. But it just kind of left me feeling alone some of the time, like why am I having all these bad thoughts that something's going to go wrong?
And I really don't know. I'm sorry. I'm going to cry a lot.
>> Yeah, it's okay.
>> I don't know if it was God preparing me or if it was just trauma from having five consecutive miscarriages and just feeling like I'm destined to lose babies now. I don't know. But um so I stayed the night and then was discharged the next day and it that was all pretty traumatic for the kids too because I went to the hospital that morning and they thought home by lunch like we were going to bring Chick-fil-A home for everyone, you know?
>> Yeah.
>> And I guess Spencer did bring them up to the hospital that night to see me just so I could like reassure them like mommy's fine, sister's fine, everybody's fine. I just have to stay here overnight and that's okay.
Um, so yes, that was that was that part of it. Um, >> I forgot to mention when we found out that she was >> Yes. Yes. Let's tell me tell me about that.
>> So, we did the um NIPT because I'm advanced maternal age.
>> Yes. Okay. So, how early did you end up doing the NIPT? So, is this is like a genetic test where you can also find out the gender, >> which is so fun. Um, so I was right at 10 weeks. I think I was 10 weeks exactly. Um, which actually I might have been nine and a half. I think nine weeks is the earliest you can do it and I was already at the doctor that day when she mentioned it. So, I was like, "Yes, I want to do that." Um, and then it took >> maybe like a two to three weeks to get results back and she was absolutely perfect and she was a she and we were so excited. Um, Spencer and all the boys um felt like it was going to be a girl, which again, we have five boys and then a girl. So, I was like, I'm pretty sure I know what it's going to be and it's not a girl. Um, so they were Spencer was like so excited. I I wanted that sibling that sister sibling relationship for our living daughter. Um, so I didn't like have a preference either way, >> but once I found out it was a girl, I was like ecstatic. I didn't realize how excited that would make me until I found out and oh my goodness, we were beside oursel. Um, >> that is awesome. Did you end up just like opening up the email together?
Because it usually comes in an email, right?
Yeah. So, we were on a road trip actually. We had gone to see um my mom like at the beginning of May for Mother's Day.
>> Um so, we were on like a 4-hour road trip back home and I got the email and so we like pulled over and like faced like we were facing the children but the phone was like facing away from them because we didn't want them to like sneak a peek.
>> Um so, yeah, it was really really really exciting. And we knew like we knew her name from that day. Spencer got to name her because I did not like his choice for a boy's name. And so I was like, "Okay, if it's a girl, you can name her and if it's a boy, I'll name him." So he got to name her.
>> Um, and where did Oakley come from? That is Is there any particular reason why he chose that name? Do you know?
>> Um, after like so many losses, he loved like he heard the name Oakley and he loved it. He it reminded him of like a strong as an oak tree and he really wanted our baby girl and know he knew that our baby girl would be strong as an oak tree and that's why like when I would get nervous about feeling a certain way um he would reassure me that she's as strong as an oak tree. So >> and then her middle name is kind of interesting because my middle name is Elizabeth and then our living daughter her middle name is Elizabeth >> and all of the boys have family names for their middle name.
>> Yeah. and we don't have a lot of girl family names. And I was like, you know, I love that Kayley and I share a middle name.
>> Yeah.
>> Why wouldn't I just have like as many daughters as I have? Why couldn't we all just share a middle name? Like it's just it just felt like such a bonding.
>> Yes.
>> Experience. It's really unique and kind of odd. And I remember asking my best friend like, >> "Is this weird? Is this super weird to do?" And I was like, you know, I don't actually care if it is or not. So, like it was just a way for me and my daughters to all be connected because girls more than likely grow up and get married and change their last name, you know? So, like having the same middle name, like that's something we always get to keep. So, >> yeah.
>> I love that. Yeah.
>> That's so cool.
>> Yeah.
>> Okay. And then um Okay, so let me just make sure that I've got this. you guys had um gotten checked out really early on. Um and then at 9 10 weeks you got the um you the NIPT.
>> Mhm.
>> Things were going okay. You had the circl place because of the fact that you were they were concerned about these like your cervix.
>> Yes.
>> And that was traumatizing as well. Um were they checking you pretty regularly um because you were you've had so many of these miscarriages as well as obviously you you got a circle and stuff. So were they checking you kind of a little bit more regularly?
>> Um so at that point uh when I started seeing the MFM she was having me come in every other week. Okay. Okay.
>> So yes that is probably pretty regular or more I guess more regular. Um my OB I was still just seeing like once a month.
Yeah.
>> Um, yes. And the my MFM, she was I mean, she's super knowledgeable. She's on all kinds of like boards for different research things. Um, >> and she felt that um with the amniotic sludge um she felt that putting me on any sort of antibiotic or anything like that um she said that studies show that it doesn't lead to um like an increase in live births. So, she didn't want to put me on that. And again, I just I I wasn't informed and I just I was trusting what was being told to me. Um hindsight, I absolutely would have gotten put on antibiotics because if that inflammation turns into an infection or already was an infection, now I know what I know. So, >> um but I I get like the majority of patients can probably be treated a certain way. Um >> but for whatever reason, I'm not a typical patient. I have a lot in my past history. So, um, >> yes, but I didn't know I didn't know that then. So, >> yes. Yes. Okay.
So, the kind of the decision was made that no antibiotics would um be used.
>> Um, and at and the circle got placed at 16 weeks. So, you haven't technically even had the anatomy scan quite yet, right?
>> No. No. And we were going to have that at I think well I got I would get an ultrasound every time I'd go in. Um so I had an ultrasound at 18 weeks and then I had one at uh right before 20 weeks. I was like 19 something. Um and then we had scheduled my ultrasound for >> actually it was that that 19week appointment. So I guess I I was going in a little bit closer together than every two weeks just based on when the doctor that I had been seeing >> um was in office. It was like just a couple days a week. So like sometimes it was quicker. Um and so it was going to be that 19ish week appointment, 19 and a half week appointment. Um and then she ended up having to go out of town or something. So we instead of just seeing a different doctor, I like I felt comfortable with her and I trusted her.
So I decided to push my anatomy scan to um 21 weeks.
>> Okay.
>> Um which I regret. But uh each of my kids again, they were they were sad about all the losses too. It's different. It's different for kids. you know, it doesn't affect them obviously the same, but since they were so excited for Oakley, um I was like rotating, bringing two of them with me each appointment so that they could see on ultrasound and oh, they loved it. Like they loved it from the very beginning.
Um or I guess like my my 8week OB appointment. Um they would come in and I'd rotate them out like who got to come see her.
>> That is the best.
>> It was so exciting for them. So so exciting. So Kayley was born during COVID so like nobody got to come even Spencer. So, it was just it was a really different experience and it was so special. But >> my two kids who had gotten to see her the least were like scheduled to come with me um to the anatomy scan. So, that was going to be super fun. Um again, I felt just awful the entire pregnancy. Um just really crampy and sore and tender and not right. Um just >> something's a miss. I didn't know what.
But um the week before we actually met our best friends at a m like at a children's museum and I just remember like the whole drive there I was just overcome with like a heaviness um that something was going to happen. Um and I remember like saying to her there like I know that Spencer and I's faith is strong enough if God takes this baby too, but like what would that do to my children?
Because they were so excited for her.
so so excited. And that was shortly before she was born. So, I think that I started to kind of like feel like something's wrong. Um, but I didn't ever want to go into the hospital because I knew that I wasn't like at viability yet.
And I knew that they there really wasn't anything that they could do. Um, and looking back now, I think that was also a blessing because what ended up happening, like if they would have caught that prior to me going into labor, um, a lot of the times moms can go septic and so they like force you to deliver. They like induce you.
>> Yeah.
>> And I don't I couldn't have lived with that knowing that like my baby is alive and healthy and they're forcing me to have her just for my own health. Like I would sacrifice myself for any of my children no matter what. So, I am thankful that everything played out the way that it did and that wasn't on me to have to make that decision that um so >> it's a blessing. I see God's hand in things even when it's hard.
>> Yes.
>> Um so yes, so the week before I just kind of had a like a little bit different symptoms. Um I didn't think my water broke or anything like that. Um I didn't really feel there were like the signs for infection. there's like, you know, I don't know, six of them or something like that. And really, >> um, I just had one of them and that was like a really tender uterus. That was really the only thing that was that was odd. So, but the day that I went into labor, it was a Saturday >> and I woke up and I felt better than I had the entire pregnancy. Like, we had a fun family day planned >> and I think that was just a blessing from God, too. I just woke up and like we had a dance party and I hadn't danced in months.
>> Because Yeah. Because you were not feeling great. Yeah.
>> Yes. Um and I was just like so joyful and I just it's like all of the ick feeling that I had was just like lifted and gone and it was amazing. So my older children are in Civil Air Patrol. So, we dropped them off at Civil Air Patrol and then we took the younger kids to like an indoor water park and um then after we pick up the older ones, we went to the library and we just did a whole bunch of really fun things that we hadn't really got to do and it was just so wonderful.
Um, but while we were at the water park, like right before we were about to leave, I just I had like a new feeling and it didn't I mean, I know what labor feels like because even though I've had C-sections, I've gone into labor with all of them. Um, it didn't feel like contractions. It just I guess it was like a heaviness kind of like it just it just felt really heavy in my like body in my uterus probably. And it was just like I don't know. I just felt like like I knew something bad was going to happen right then. Like I could just tell. And I mentioned to Spencer I was like I'm not feeling great. Um, so we I still went into the library with everybody and my youngest, it was like the summer reading program, so they get to like choose prizes, you know, and so my youngest chose some big sister books um, oh, and that morning too when I was still feeling fine, I had another lab draw because I had to get lab work done like every other week um, to check a whole bunch of really scientific sounding things. Yeah.
>> Yeah. And we didn't get results back from that until like four days later.
And my white blood cells were elevated.
Um, which can be a sign of infection.
Um, again, it was too late to do anything. But, um, so we went to the library and we were going to stop by a store and grab some stuff for Oakley that we needed. Even though it was so early, we had been, as soon as we found out that she was who she was, we were buying things and buying little matching sister outfits and I had been stockpiling diapers because I just wanted to like be a good steward and not spend a million dollars right when she was born. We had like an entire closet stockpiled of diapers. Um that day too while we were out um Spencer had surprised me with um like I call it a fancy diaper bag. I've never had a fancy diaper bag and he surprised me with a fancy diaper bag. Um and it came in the mail that day and when we got home I like didn't even feel well enough to open the box. I was like I just have to lay down. Um, and so he was like getting the kids dinner and he brought me some food and I was able to eat. And usually because I have an irritable uterus, um, usually if I'm not feeling well or I'm contracting, if I lay down and, you know, drink and just rest and take it easy, like it I feel better. Yeah.
>> And I wasn't feeling better.
>> And I don't think I was really explaining like the severity to him because I was in denial. I don't know.
Um, but I was able to eat. And what else happened that day? Trying to think now.
We ended up I guess we we put the kids to bed. Well, he put the kids to bed and I got in bed.
>> Um, and I like after they went to bed, I had to pee like every 20 minutes, which is not normal obviously. Um, I kept getting up to have to pee and it would like >> it would hurt like it would cause contractions. Um, >> so it wasn't fun. Um, but I wasn't like it I wasn't having like contractions minutes apart or anything like that. I just did not feel good. Um, and probably around midnight Spencer fell asleep and I was able to fall asleep but then probably around 11, I don't know. And then I woke up sometime after he had fallen asleep like 12:30 maybe maybe 1.
And I like just knew I I don't I just knew that it was time that she was going to be born. And again, I never I never felt like that in the past. Even though I was I felt like something was wrong or like something might happen. I really felt like that was more just related to like PTSD.
>> Um there wasn't like there wasn't stuff happening like I didn't like my water didn't break. Like there wasn't anything that like pointed to she was going to be born early.
>> Especially since I had this stitch like >> Yeah. my doctors would tell me like just trust your stitch. Trust your stitch.
It's doing its job. It's keeping your cervix closed, you know. So, after I woke up from just being in pain, I knew that I needed to wake Spencer up. So, I did and I told him like, "We need to go to the hospital now." And I think that's when it kind of started to click for him because >> up until that point, I was always like, "No, like I don't feel good, but no, I don't want to go get checked out. Like, >> there's nothing they can do." Plus, I have a ser I have like the circling or whatever. So, it's not like they can really like check me, you know. Um, and I didn't want I didn't want them like I was so nervous because of course I I'd been on like Google and researching things. I was so nervous that if I went to the hospital that they wouldn't um like understand that I have a circles in or something and like >> they would like possibly accidentally break my water or like you know I was just nervous of what could go wrong and she wasn't to viability yet. Um and so >> like I was just I don't know. I'm not I'm not sure my rationale. I just it is what it is. Um but so when I woke him up and said we need to go to the hospital, I think that's when it kind of clicked for him that like this is different.
this isn't just the irritable uterus or whatever. So, I had him put me in in the car um and like recline the seat and I was like laying on my side and um I don't like people to see me in pain other than Spencer. So, I knew I didn't want to be inside the house when he woke my son up to come downstairs. Um and he just told him, my 14-year-old, he just told him that we were just going to go get checked out.
>> Yeah.
>> That I wasn't feeling great. Um, and so he went back to bed like in our bed so that he could be there when everybody woke up, you know. Um, and so I got in the car and after we started driving, um, I kind of like internalize pain too. So whenever I go into labor, I'm just like in the zone.
Um, and I still >> I didn't know she was going to be born.
I just I had been reading more too um about circles and the amniotic sludge and how that that can lead to infection.
So, um I think I I think I was expecting to go to the hospital and they would give me medicine to stop labor and then I'd probably get put on antibiotics and all would be fine. I think that's what I thought was going to happen. Um the car ride, like labor ramped up again. I didn't realize it was labor, but labor ramped up. And um I had Spencer call and like warn them that we were coming since I'm kind of a a high high needs high risk I don't know both patient with the circlage and the clotting disorder and >> um since I hemorrhaged with Kaisley's birth. Um so he called and warned them and >> the hospital was like 40 minutes away.
Um so I was in a real real amount of pain then by the time we got there. Um, so we pulled up and my eyes I I wear contacts and when I don't have my contacts on I can't see anything. So my eyes were just closed, but mainly because I couldn't see, but also because I was just trying to like walk everything out and like be in the zone.
Um, >> so he went to go get somebody to get a wheelchair. Um, and then he walked back out with I don't even know. I think it was like a nurse and then I remember being a police officer because I opened my eyes and he was like in uniform. So the police officer wheeled me to labor and delivery. Um, and I got there and we had to like go through the intake form, which they could tell that like I was about to have a baby. So, and that I was only 20 weeks, so it was rushed. Um, we make it in there.
>> Um, they send us to like the triage room and, um, I have to pee again. So, uh, he wheeled me into the bathroom and I peed and then I get back in the room and I'm like, I can't even move to take my clothes off. I was in so much pain. So, they were just like ripping my clothes off and putting a gown on me so they could hook me up to monitor. So, I'm like laying on the bed squeezing his hands. Um, in so much pain. Um, I'm not really saying anything yet. And then Spencer was like, "Oh, hey." Like he he sounded like he was greeting somebody that he knew. So, I opened my eyes and it was my doctor, which shocked me because I just feel like it never works out to where your doctor is the one on call. So, it was it was my OB/GYN. Um, and so I opened my eyes and when I saw her, I was like, I don't know, something came over me and I I like just knew exactly what I needed to ask for and what I needed to say. Um, and I was like, "Please stop it. Please stop it."
And she said, "Kelly, we can't." Because I think she could see like how far along I was when I was about to have a baby.
Um, and that like broke me because I knew she wasn't a viability and even though she was measuring ahead and it was perfect that they weren't going to try to save her if I had her. Um, and so I remember they had like the portable like ultrasound machine and they used it to find her heartbeat, but they were I remember like I remember opening my eyes and looking over and they were like trying to adjust the volume and like get it off me real quick. Like they didn't want me to know. They didn't want me to hear it, but she was very much alive.
Um, and so they put she put monitors on me, but I was in so much pain and they were hurting me so bad. Um, so I asked the nurse, I was like, "Can you please take these off?" and she was like, "How about we loosen them?" And I was like, "Please take them off." And my nurses were just so wonderful. Like, they took them off. They were like, "What's the point?" You know? So, they took them off. Um, and I was still so nervous for my doctor to check me because I was so scared she was going to like break my water or something. And she assured me.
She was like, "I'll be so gentle." Um, but since I had the circ, like she had it, you know, check and I had ripped through it and my membranes were bulging again. So, Um, so yeah, it everything happened really really fast once we got to the hospital. My doctor had another patient like right next door who was also delivering. Um, and I just remember closing my eyes and like squeezing Spencer's hand. That's what I do when I'm in labor. I just like attack him as hard as I can with my own hand. Um, and I still like I don't think it it really clicked for him. Maybe it did. I don't think that it really did though quite yet. Um, so this was all probably I don't know close to two when we got to the hospital. Um, and I was like begging once I realized that they they weren't going to stop labor. Um, I was begging for pain meds.
I I was like, "Can I please have an epidural or something?" And the nurse said, "Absolutely. She'll go call the anesthesiologist."
Um, but I remember telling her like, "I can't move because with my C-sections for the spinals, you have to like sit up." Yeah. And like hunch over a certain way. And I was like, I was in so much pain. It was the most painful labor I've had that like I couldn't even sit up.
And she was like, "It's fine. Spencer can stay in the room. You can lay just like this. You can come in and administer it just like you are." Which I think they were just being gracious because of my situation. Um, and it's a little hazy, but I was begging for pain for for the um, epidural, and I remember it was going to like take a while possibly for him to get up there. It was the middle of the night.
Um, >> and so I was like, can you please give me anything? Can you give me anything?
And so my doctor was like, we can give you fentanyl, which I didn't even know was something they give you when you're in labor. Um, so they gave me a dose of that and it's supposed to kick in. I think it was like 15 minutes or something and it it did absolutely nothing. Like I was in excruciating pain and so I was like begging and begging because I just >> I didn't I don't know. I wanted I wanted an easier way out I think knowing that my baby was going to die. Um, and so they gave me another dose of it and it still didn't do a single thing.
Like it didn't even scratch the surface.
Um, they kept telling me that the anesthesiologist is coming, but after they gave me the second dose of fentanyl, I had to pee again. And so I was like, I have to get up. I have to go to the bathroom. And she was like, we can't like once we give you that, you can't leave the bed, you have to stay in the bed. And so I was still just like lying on my side. And she got me um I call them puppy pads. I don't know.
>> Yeah, that's her.
>> Yeah.
>> She got me a puppy pad and like put it between my legs. Um, but I didn't like I didn't have to be. It was just like a feeling. I think she was like I think she was about to be born and so I was just feeling different. Um so Spencer was still like right by me.
The doctor came in maybe another time or two but she was like running back and forth between rooms. Um and so I remember the contractions were like on top of each other. But um now I know it's like the fetal ejection reflex um that I was experiencing. But so I was still on my side and I like felt the urge to push so I pushed and my water broke and I remember like I probably wasn't super coherent. Um but I was like my water broke and the nurse came over and was like are you think your water broke? And she like kind of lifted the sheet and she was like are you peeing right now? And I just remember being like no I'm not peeing right now. Like I just was like what a dumb question. Um no my water broke. Um, and but like I I obviously wasn't coherent because whatever I was saying wasn't like they weren't understanding me. So Spencer was like translating for me. Like I think he understood it. So he was like, "No, she her water broke.
She's she's not peeing." Um, >> and so my eyes again, my eyes were closed the whole time. So um, I know that there was two nurses in the room and I know one of them left to go get the doctor at that point. Um, and then when my water broke, that's when they decided they were going to move me into a room, which I have like no recollection of this at all. So, they just I they said they needed to move me into a room. Um, and I was like, I can't move. And they were like, you don't have to. We're just we're just going to move like move your bed. And so, they ended up wheeling me like all the way down the hall into the, you know, Bere's mother's room. Um, >> and but I have no recollection of that happening at all. Like Spencer told me that like months after the fact. I was like, I don't remember. Um, so I was in a different room. Um, and it it wasn't too long after that, like to me it felt like the next second, but Spencer said it was a little bit like I was it was just contraction after contraction and then I felt like a really strong urge to push. So I was still lying on my side and I pushed um and she came right out.
Um, and the nurses, both of the nurses were back in there at that point.
I think I probably was like yelling out like she's coming. I don't know though.
Um because they were right there. Um my eyes were still closed and I just like the second she came out I just started saying my baby, my baby, my baby. And I just repeated that like over and over and over. Um and I don't I didn't know what was like going on. They weren't like handing her to me. And I remember I was like reaching down with one hand and I was just like, "My baby, my baby." And they were like, "Yes, we're going to get her to you. We're going to get her to you.
it's just you're um she can't reach you and like again I've had all C-sections so different experience um but they were like explaining like they needed to cut the the cord and so they were like daddy do you want to cut the cord and my eyes were still closed so I don't know what he was doing um but then the nurse said okay that's okay that's not a problem I'll cut it and I remember opening my eyes because other than where Spencer wasn't in the room he's cut every single cord um that's That's what daddies do, right? Um, so I opened my eyes to look at him because like I just wasn't processing things correctly. I I wasn't crying. Um, I just was like calling for my baby. And so I opened my eyes cuz I was like, "Well, that's the strangest thing. Why would the nurse say that she's going to cut the cord?" And he was like hysterical. He was standing up and he was just like crying uncontrollably.
And I still like I didn't understand why. I think um I probably had like all kinds of I don't know feelood chemicals being released because I just had a baby and so I didn't understand why it was crying and why he couldn't cut the cord.
Um and we both were like under the impression that the second the cord was cut, she was going to die cuz she was so little. She just came too soon. Um, and so like after the fact when we were talking about it, like that's why he couldn't cut the cord because he couldn't be the one who killed his baby.
Um, and so the nurse cut the cord and they put her right up by me instead of laying on my side and she's just like right here. And I I don't even look at her, but she was so warm and perfect and I was like leaning my cheek against her and she just felt like my baby.
And the second the second that she came out, I just felt completely different. Like I felt good. Like my body didn't feel like it was infected anymore, which I hate that. Like I I hate saying that, but I just felt good. And so I'm still just like lying there just repeating my baby, my baby. And the doctor rushes in and the nurse tells her that she thinks my placenta stuck. Um, so the doctor had me like lay on my back and I was so worried about Oakley. I just kept being like, "She's going to fall. She's going to fall." Because I couldn't like cradle her anymore. Um, and so Spencer was like, "It's okay. I'm holding her." Um, and the doctor had to like help pull out my placenta.
And then after that was out, like I was like 100% >> better, >> back to normal. Like I just I felt perfect. I just felt perfect. And I still wasn't crying. I I know I opened my eyes at one point and the nurse that I could see was crying and Spencer was still crying. Um so I'm still on my back and I'm like she's next to me but I'm not like holding her yet. Um and after that they like set my bed up and the nurse was like, "Okay, mama, I'm going to put her on you. Your baby just needs you right now. That's all she needs."
And I remember thinking like that's not all she needs. She needs oxygen and she needs a neonologist and she needs so much more than just me right now. Um, and they put her on me and she moved.
She like it felt like her body like like jumped and I thought she was dead. And I remember like opening my eyes so wide and looking at the nurse who was right by my head and being like, "She moved."
And she goes, "Yeah, mama. she's alive.
She just wants her mama. And I didn't know that she was going to be alive.
And so, like, that's when I started crying cuz I just wrongly assumed that like she would die the second she was born.
Second they cut the cord, she would she would die.
And I I I still don't think that it really clicked that like that meant that I that I get to hold my baby as she dies.
But yeah, she lived for around three hours. We like we went back later, a couple days after she was born to like look at pictures and see when her coloring started changing.
>> Yeah.
>> And she was warm. She was warm the whole time I held her. And then I finally let Spencer hold her after a couple hours, which it seems like a a blink, but it was a couple hours because that's when I have the first picture of him. Oh, and when when she was born, I just kept saying, "My baby, my baby." And then I was like, "Please take pictures. Please take pictures." Because with all my other ones, like during a C-section, like Spencer's right by me until the baby's born and then he's with the baby and there's always like nurses or somebody taking pictures. Yeah.
>> And in my head, it was like this is a I don't know that I felt like it was a happy experience, but I just wasn't processing correctly that like your baby's dying today and also being born.
>> So, I just kept asking for pictures. And I I just remember the nurse like reassuring me like, "We're going to get pictures. We're going to get pictures."
And she did. She got so many pictures >> before I ever even opened my eyes.
>> Good.
>> Um, so yeah, so Spencer held her and she was still warm and she was still moving.
She moved every I don't know, probably every like 30 seconds to a minute she would move.
Um, and then I got her back and it was shortly after I got her back that she started to go cold and her, you know, her coloring changed really, really quickly.
Yeah, we were I I don't know. I we weren't prepared. Yeah, >> obviously we truly felt that she was our redemption story because we both like heard very clearly from God say that she would be and we had done so many things and found out so many things and researched so many things and we really thought that this time was going to be different and it was different but she still didn't get to come home with us. Yeah.
So, I think I don't know.
I've never experienced a still birth, so I don't know what that's like, but I know that we were not we were not prepared for how this process would work. We were not prepared for delivering a live baby and then like having to hold her as not having to, getting to hold her as she took her last breaths. And we didn't bring anything. I didn't bring any of her loveies or her blankies or anything.
I wasn't expecting to have her. So, >> yeah.
>> Oh, Kelly, I am just so sorry that that was just so quick and hard and painful and >> um I do want to ask like how big was she? Tell >> he was almost a pound. She was 14 and 12 o which is so so tiny. so tiny.
>> She had been measuring ahead. So, she was measuring like she was literally like a week away from when they would have performed life-saving measures, which >> it's my doctor before I left the next day, um my doctor told me like it's not going to be much longer and they'll be able to save every baby that's born alive.
>> Yeah. And like I know that was supposed to probably comfort me, but it haunts me because I know like >> in my lifetime they're going to be saving 20 and 21 week babies, you know?
>> Not that that's any guarantee that she would have survived all the hardships that that would entail. Absolutely not.
But she had a chance and we just feel like she didn't even get a chance.
>> Yeah. And there's been babies who have been born smaller than her, which is mindboggling, who are living perfectly normal lives. So, >> yeah. And that's that's hard to Yeah.
>> Yeah. It it is reassuring, but not reassuring.
>> It's frustrating. It's really frustrating.
>> Yeah. Frustrating is a good word.
Reassuringly frustrating.
>> Yeah.
So, she was born at 3:47 a.m.
and after the doctor got the placenta out and they they were all so sweet. The nurses and the doctor were so so sweet.
Um, and then they left us alone and that was like wonderful, but also I still just wasn't processing things correctly. I was so worried for my kids.
I was so worried how they were going to take it when they found out.
So, I really wanted to just like be back with them. Um, and they usually wake up at like 8 or so. So, Spencer left I think it was like around 9:00 probably to head back home.
And I just I felt for him because I couldn't imagine being the one who had to like tell them that Oakley wasn't gonna come home and she was in heaven and I can't even imagine when later on I kind of asked him how that went and he said everybody was crying but I haven't really like gotten the full story of that cuz my heart just can't take that.
So we told the kids um and then got them ready, fed them breakfast, got them ready, and then um we wanted them to come up to the hospital and see her. I just I can't imagine like not not allowing them to have that like closure. And I have some friends who have uh had still births or miscarriages and they've chosen not to not to let their like older kids or living kids come and meet them and I understand that perspective 100% too. It was just something like they had been through so much. They they'd lost so many siblings already.
And Oakley was different and she was born alive and she was supposed to come home and she was perfect. So, and she looked like so many of them. She looked like a mix of all of them. She had like little blond eyelashes and eyebrows and hairs on her head and she had this puffy upper lip like some of mine have.
She was just so perfect. Um, and so he brought him up there and I had her like in a blanket on my chest kind of facing away from like where they would be walking in. I didn't if I wanted to let them choose yes >> if they wanted to see her, if they wanted to hold her. And I also Spencer I had told Spencer um like kind of warned them because you know she had started to change colors and >> it you know it sounds morbid but dead babies don't look like living babies.
So, um, so when they came in, I wasn't crying yet, but they were all crying.
Most of them were crying. Four of them, four of the six were crying. So, I teared up, but I wasn't like I was I was just so focused on protecting their hearts, you know. Um, and so I asked who all wanted to hold her. Um, oh, oh, before before Spencer left though, we had been holding her and holding her and then our angel of a nurse came in and this was like at shift change. So, we were saying bye to the two nurses and we were getting a new nurse and she was so lovely. They were all so lovely.
>> And the first thing our new our main nurse um did was she goes, "Can I see her?" And >> and so she walked around to the other side of the bed cuz she was I was like holding her like this facing that way.
Um she was like, "She is so beautiful."
And it just like I just appreciated it so much that she wasn't like she was so beautiful and now she's dead, you know, like >> she is beautiful and she is perfect and she just like marveled at her with us which >> was really really nice >> because I know not everyone has that experience. Some people have really dreadful delivery stories and ours was not that. Ours was best case scenario for the worst situation you could be in.
>> Yeah. Um, so she came and looked at her and um, I was really concerned because I had said that I wanted my doctor had asked if I wanted to send the placenta off to pathology and I said yes.
>> Yeah.
>> I didn't realize that that meant that the placenta can't leave the room without the baby. So, >> oh, >> it was like in a bag sitting by the sink and I could see it from my bed and I was like, "Yep, that's going to traumatize the children for sure. That's nothing.
they don't even see that. And so I was like asking her, I was like, "Um, could we maybe like just clean up some of the stuff in the room before my kids come up because I don't I don't want them to be scared, you know."
>> Um, and she was like, "Absolutely. I the placenta can't leave the room without Oakley." And she also she called her by her name every time. Good.
>> Every single time she said Oakley.
>> Um, and she was like, "So whenever you're ready, um, I'll take her off." And because she was born alive, there's like some legalities that have to happen, you know, like she has to be weighed has to be weighed and >> all these things. Um, and so I was like, "Okay, we knew she had passed at that point cuz she was cold."
>> Um, and I hadn't like peed yet other than my marathon peeing the night before. So, >> I was like, "Okay, I'll get up and go to the bathroom. I'll give her to Spencer and then I'll get The nurse helped me get to the bathroom and then the nurse would come out and she would take her from Spencer because like I couldn't see her leaving the room with her. Like I could not handle that. Um so I went to the bathroom and I was in there um and the nurse took Oakley and so then Spencer came in and like helps me in there. Um and so she wasn't gone for very long but she like had her and did everything she needed to do and then was back with her before I even got out of the bathroom.
>> Okay.
>> And she was like um changing my sheets.
She said she was giving me a fresh bed so like the kids didn't have to see any, you know, blood or water or anything.
Um, and so I came out of the bathroom and I never opened my eyes. So, well, no, after she was born though, there wasn't.
I They had like taken the little bassinet out of the room. Either that or it was like out of my vision or I don't know. Maybe the berved mom's room doesn't have one usually. I don't know.
But there was no like baby stuff in the room until she brought her back. And she brought her back in a little bassinet and it had like a name sign like like a letter board that she wrote her name on and she had stamped her feet.
>> Oh, good.
>> Yeah. And had he had a little like purple blanket over her cuz we had nothing. We didn't bring anything.
So I walked out and saw that and oh, I lost it. She was treating her like a baby, you know.
So that was really hard and really special, too. Um, so the room was cleaned up and everything. Um, they had already taken her to get her like measurements and everything they needed to have for the birth certificate. Um, and so then that's when Spencer left and got the kids. And so he came back and so I was asking who all wanted to hold her and at first only one at first only my oldest and then my youngest boy I think wanted a holder which I was respecting that um I know it was really really hard on them and so um first I asked though because I couldn't they didn't all want to be like take a picture with her and like hold her and take a picture but I couldn't imagine like living the rest of my life without having a picture of all my kids together.
>> Yeah.
>> So, I asked if we laid her in her little bassinet if they could all put their hands on her and they all wanted to do that. So, they all put their hands on her and so I have a picture of all six little hands on top of their baby sister which I treasure. Um and then after that is when we we like asked again who wants to hold her. So, my oldest held her and after my oldest held her then they all kind of were like I want to hold her.
Um, two of them didn't want to have their picture taken with her because they were like really crying and upset and I completely understand. So, I just had like a picture of her in their arms.
>> Yeah.
>> So, they all wanted to hold her except for my little girl. Um, she wanted like me to hold her and hold Oakley too or like my husband to hold both of them.
Um, so they all kind of passed her around and marveled at her and ooed and awe over her and also cried a lot. A lot of crying.
I'm sure I don't really remember, but I'm sure we talked about how the Lord gives and the Lord takes away and we'll praise him whether we're on a mountain or in a valley. And it was getting close to lunchtime. So, they were there maybe like an hour at the most. Um, and then Spencer was going to take them all back home. Um, get them something to eat, take them home, and then come back up. And because of the miscarriages I've had and then having the DNC for the mis miscarriage um the December prior and having to stay overnight for the circlage, like my little girl was a bit traumatized. Yeah.
She never wants to leave my side. She's constantly with me. If there's people around, she is like attached to me.
>> Um which I it's a phase that won't last forever. So um there was no way that he was going to be able to like bring her to see me and then leave her at home again with her brothers. Um, so he we knew that he would be bringing Kaisley back up to the hospital.
And while he was gone taking them home, my doctor came back in because I think like she was getting off probably she was working overnight, so probably like having to go into the office at that point. I'm not sure. Um, and she came in and she was really sweet, said some really, really sweet things. And that's when she told me that, um, she knows that they'll be able to save 20 and 21 week old babies soon. Um, trying to think of what else happened.
I not very many people came in, just like my main nurse and then I a social worker came in, but I think it was after Spencer was back. I think they like knew better than to send a social worker in to a bereieved mom. Yeah. She's by herself.
>> Yeah.
>> Um, but I was just holding and loving on Oakley and I was kissing her all over and her little cheeks were so squishy.
like you shouldn't have any baby fat on her. And she had squishy cheeks and they were so perfect. I couldn't stop kissing them. And her skin still looked perfect. Like her coloring was changing and her really just her head and her face. Everything still looked so perfect though. But as I was holding her, like my milk started to leak, which usually takes days to come in. So >> it didn't um my milk started to leak and like It kind of felt more real then because I didn't nurse any of the boys, but I nursed Kesley, my living daughter, and I donated to the NICU um thousands upon thousands of ounces. And it was just like a journey that I treasured so much.
And I was really looking forward to getting to do that again.
And like every time I lost a baby prior to Oakley, like that was just something that I would hold on to. like I know that God's going to give me a baby that I get to bring home one day and get to hold and cuddle and nurse again. And so just like feeling my milk leaked down me as I'm holding my dead baby. I'm like this is cruel.
Um I remember just like little things that are absolutely crazy sounding but like until you've lived it. Like her lips were getting dry.
>> Yeah. They were like normal and moist and perfect and they were getting dry and I just remember like licking my finger and touching her lips and things like like it's like how do you parent a dead baby? Like my motherly instincts were like this isn't normal. You need to make you need to help her.
And I touched my milk to her lip. And I just remember like >> praying to her and being like this is for you. Like I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't get to take care of you like you deserved.
Um, yeah. And so then Spencer came back with our living daughter and she she was just like a ray of sunshine. Like she was just happy. She was just happy to be there. She didn't understand with with her and her brothers. Most of them were in the NICU. So like we had already been talking like Oakley would probably be born early and she'd probably have to go to the NICU and then she'd get to come home with us because we talked a lot about her. She Kayley was in the NICU for like five or six weeks.
>> Oh, yeah.
>> Um, so like she constantly hear stories about like when we would drive by the hospital, we'd be like, "That was your first home. That's when you were born."
>> Um, so it's like it's all she knew in her little four-year-old mind, you know, like babies get born and then they stay at the hospital, but then they get to come home when they're ready, you know?
It's not like the typical babies stay in the belly till they're ready type of story. Um, >> so like we told her she was with Jesus and and she's in heaven and and things, but it it didn't click. It was months after when she would just randomly ask like, "Is Oakley ready to come home yet?" And >> we'd have to like go through it all again. Like, "No, this baby doesn't get to come home." Even though we told you, we assured you that she was going to come home with us, like she doesn't get to. Um, so that was really hard, too. It was nice having her in the hospital and just being such a little ray of sunshine, a distraction.
>> Yeah.
>> Um, yeah. So the social worker came in and that's when they, you know, like all the dreaded questions of what do you want to do? Um because she was born alive, we couldn't leave without having contacted um a funeral home and making arrangements.
>> Yeah.
>> For having her picked up, but it was a Sunday, so she gave us a list of funeral homes to call.
Zero stars. Do not recommend. Um very hard. Uh, so Spencer was calling while I was holding Oakley and Caesley and the first like two or three that he called were thousands of dollars for we knew we wanted her to be cremated. Um, because we knew Texas wasn't our forever home.
Yeah.
>> And we never wanted to be without her.
So for an infant cremation was >> so expensive and it's just like we would have paid anything obviously.
>> Yeah. But real really >> crazy. Yes. Like the first one was like I I can't even remember. It was over $2,000 though and >> we were stretched pretty thin already just with the specialists that I was seeing that insurance doesn't cover any of that. Um it covers my my blood thinner stuff but all the testing and lab work that's all out of pocket. So it's just like >> this was unexpected in a lot of ways. Um >> and so the social worker told us about the Ronald McDonald House. Um and we can like send them an email and reach out to them and a lot of times they'll help with costs.
So, while I'm holding my freshly born baby, I'm emailing trying to see if we can get some relief on costs. Um, maybe like the fourth or fifth funeral home that he called, it was a lot more reasonable. It was like under under $1,000.
Um, and most of them were over. So, also the the I don't know if she was the funeral home director. It's what I refer to her as. Um, but she was so sweet and like the first thing she did was like >> tell us how sorry she was and then ask what our baby's name was. So then from then on out she referred to her as Oakley. And so it just it felt like that was the place. So they were going to come pick her up.
>> We had to decide what we wanted to do.
And I was still so like concerned for my children that I was like I can't I can't spend the night here even though I want to and just I just want to hold her. um I need to get home to my kids because I know this is really traumatic for them and they're not >> they're not mature enough to be able to process alone, you know.
>> So, um we knew we were going to leave that day like that evening and so the funeral home director, they couldn't come pick her up then, so they were going to come Monday. So, I was like asking my nurse like, "So, what happens to her? Where did she go?"
Because I also didn't realize that like we couldn't take her home and then bring her to a funeral home because she was born alive. um though it was like against policy. Um and so she told me like there's a room for just for the babies and so she'll go there and she'll be wrapped up in her blanket and she'll stay in her bed. So I don't I'm assuming it's like a refrigerated room. I don't know. But she said she would stay in her bed. Um and then nobody would touch her until the funeral director got there to pick her up on Monday morning.
>> And so like as hard as that was, like what other option do you have?
>> Yeah. Um, and so we stayed there for a couple hours. Um, trying to think. And we had texted when she was born. We had texted like the three ladies in my life who were just they're like sisters and let them know. Um, and my best friend had like a Costco delivery made while we were at the hospital. And so the boys were like calling like >> Costco just delivered all these snacks.
Can we eat all this food?
And I was like, "Yes, I'm sure that was my best friend." Like, "Help yourself."
So, I was, "If if you ever want to do anything for a berieve parrot, just send food. It doesn't matter what it is."
>> Um, and so the nurse was kind of explaining like how it would work. She said that um she would take Oakley um in her bed, she would wheel her out, and then after that, like, you know, then we could leave. And I was like, I can't I can't see you take her out of this room. like I can't do that. That's not going to happen.
>> And so even though it was like against policy, she was fine with us leaving first and then her after we were gone her taking Oakley out of the room. Um which I just really appreciate. Like again, not every patient is the same.
Like you know, so I I really appreciated that they treated us as our own story in our own case. Um, like I didn't I didn't know how I could choose between like essentially a stranger, but a stranger like taking her to some room that I don't even know exists that I've never seen. Like that's my baby. Why would I let you take her there? Um, so like for my own heart, like we had to leave first. So we we had marveled over her all day long. And oh, I had Spencer bring back um I think it was just a lovey. I'd have to go back and look at pictures. one of our loveies that we had picked out for as soon as we found out she was Oakley.
>> Um, we picked her out a little bunny because our living daughter we call a lion because she's a bit much.
She's wonderful, but she's a bit much.
And so like the whole pregnancy Spencer would just talk about how Oakley was going to be like our little bunny. She would be calm and quiet and she'd be a daddy's girl. Like not opposite of of Paisley, but just different like they would compliment each other. So she had all the bunny things. So, she had her little bunny levey up there that I took pictures with and um we unwrapped the blanket that the hospital had given us.
Um and I wrapped her in a new one because I knew I wanted to take that one home. And the little purple blanket that they had given us, I left around her just because it it just looked so like cold and sterile just being in a hospital blanket. That's not Babies need something of their own. So, >> so we kissed her goodbye. Um, and they the nurse had given us like a box that they give to Aub's parents, I'm sure.
Um, of like resources and journals and candles and just some really sweet, precious things. Um, and so we took that and her little footprints, um, her little name card and we kissed her goodbye and we went home and it's still like the grief didn't hit me for quite a while later. I was grieving, but it wasn't it it is so much harder today, 10 months and one day later than it was that day. Um, that's probably not very hopeful to anyone listening. Um so yeah um the funeral home called us the next day and we just we weren't aware of like everything that had to happen because she was born alive. um like we couldn't have a death we couldn't have a cremated until a death certificate was issued and that couldn't be issued until a birth certificate was issued and that couldn't be issued until so many different like medical professional and I don't even know hospital people had to sign off on it and so the funeral director said like it could take four to six months just like oh my goodness >> um so that was Sunday we went home so that was Monday when I talked to her Um, and in between Monday and Wednesday, I just I lost it a bit. Spencer was able to he was able to work from home that week. Um, but he really wasn't working much. He was just randomly checking in and stuff. Um, and so >> I just it just seemed so final and I just couldn't imagine like never kissing her again. And it wasn't until we got home that I realized like I sing the same lullabi to all my kids. I didn't sing her a song and we say the same like bedtime prayer. And I'm sure we I know we prayed over while we were there, but I didn't like recite that prayer >> and I didn't sing her song and just all these things that I was like, I will never be able to do this this side of heaven with you like ever. And a lifetime is a really long time to wait.
>> Yes.
>> So I asked Spencer, I was like, "What if I email the funeral director and just see like if we can go see her?" Like I worst case she says no and my heart will shatter.
And I think that if Spencer would have been like more rational than I was and been like, "No, that's probably not a good idea. That's probably going to be really hard." I probably would have just ignored him and been like, "Well, you can stay home and kick rocks. I'm going to go see my baby."
>> Thank you.
>> I asked him, but like my mind was made up.
>> So, I reached out to her on Wednesday and she emailed me right back and was like, "Usually I wouldn't recommend that, but I just peakedked in on Oakley again." She always called her her name.
She never was like your baby or anything. Um she said I just peaked in on Oakley and she looks so peaceful that I think it would be fine if you guys want to come up on Friday. So >> I had to go like five full days and then >> yeah I just remember like picking out what I'm going to wear to go see my baby for the last time. And >> we brought all of her things. All of her stuffies and loveies and blankets we brought up there. Um and we took pictures and we just held her. We didn't bring the boys. Um, and I'm glad we didn't because >> by that point her like little skull was becoming more pronounced. I don't know.
I don't know all the terminology for what happens when you die, but >> um, but she still looked so perfect and she still had the little kissable cheek >> cheeks >> and the little puffy lips. And so I just kissed her all over and just apologized to her over and over. and we took all the pictures and sang all the songs and just all the things that I couldn't imagine never doing with her. Um, and the funeral director was so nice and she like shared with us that she had lost a baby too and she had been in our shoes and that really meant a lot. Um, and so I told her like which blankets that I wanted back. Like I wanted to leave her wrapped up. And I remember they had her like on like a ziplockc bag of ice. And I just remember thinking like what a strange world this is.
>> Yes.
>> Um, so I I told her like which blankets I wanted back. And they had bands around her, like identification bands. And I told her I wanted that back. I was like, "Anything that's touching her I want back except for like the one hospital blanket I wanted her to be cremated in."
Um, and it took months to get her ashes back, which is really hard.
>> Yeah. I just all the like paperwork and in the inter I'm like waiting for it. I got a call from uh it was like it popped up on my phone like government office and I was like that's weird. And so I answered it and it was like whatever department it is that issues like public records, I don't know. Um, so the birth certificate and she was like, >> "Oh, I missed the call." So they didn't leave a message. So, I called back and um she was like trying to figure out who had called me and why? And I was like, um, my baby died and I'm waiting for her birth certificate. Could that be it? And she was like, oh yes, I am so sorry. And then she like got so apologetic and had to explain to me that because she died at the hospital after she was born, like her birth certificate would be stamped with deceased all over it. And I'm just like that like how cruel. I like I was like, is there any way around that? Like we're already going to have a death certificate. why can't we have >> a birth certificate, you know, where we get to celebrate that she lived.
>> Um, but that's just not the way they do it. So, I don't know if that's state by state or what, but >> so like I I appreciated her calling and telling me that that that I was going to see that in the mail because I can't imagine what I would have felt if I like pulled out a birth certificate and >> in ugly red letters that says deceit all over it. So, we got the birth certificate and then it still took like another week or two to issue the death certificate and then the funeral director called to let me know that our ashes were ready. So, I remember like going to pick up her ashes and I'm a mom so I had to do all the things already there, you know. So, I was like running all around with the children at different homeschool things >> and like we had to schedule in to go pick up their baby sister's ashes and >> she was in like a gift bag and her blankets were in there which I appreciated and there was some other stuff I wanted back that I didn't get back but like what are you what are you going to do you know? Yeah.
>> Um >> and I had to like run to Target and so I brought the gift bag of my baby's ashes inside Target cuz like I couldn't leave her in the car like >> so yeah it doesn't to this day. Like if we go out of town, if we spend a night anywhere, like we bring Oakley's ashes.
I know she's not there. I know those are her ashes. She is in heaven.
>> I You won't be able to convince me otherwise that she'll be okay being left alone at home. So >> So yes, >> that is Oakley's story.
>> Kelly, the I I'm so sorry. This is just I it's heartbreaking and and um so heartbreaking for your entire family.
I just I can't imagine your your your sons and your daughter and them not having their baby sister with them. It just is like makes me so so sad.
>> Um >> I wanted to ask a couple of questions.
Um, I know that you did send off the placenta to get tested >> and and I know that you've kind of alluded to this, but sounds like maybe there were some answers and um there was some clearly some things that maybe should have been done differently >> um that would have had better outcomes.
Can you tell us what what they did find?
>> Yes. So, like I had said, I had ripped through the circlage. So Oakley was born and then before we left my doctor was like um we're going to send off the placenta. Uh we didn't want to do an autopsy because we knew she was perfect.
>> Yeah.
>> The NIP said she was perfect but also she was clearly perfect. Um so she said that I would schedule an appointment for two weeks to have my circlage removed which like I thought I was okay with but I wasn't. Um I had actually had an appointment scheduled for that I think Thursday after she was born for the MFM.
Yes, it was my anatomy scan. Um, and so I showed up for that appointment.
Um, and they I guess it's like protocol to just cancel appointments if a if a lady has her baby and her baby dies. It makes sense. But they didn't call to tell me that. And in my head, I was like, I'll go in then and they can take my circage out because it just felt like this like >> this foreign thing that I had in my body that like failed my baby. Um, it was supposed to keep her at least a viability. It was supposed to keep her alive and it didn't. And so I just wanted it out of my body. And so I showed up to that appointment and they were like, "Oh, we canceled your appointment." And they didn't know why.
It just like showed up on there because it was just like the receptionist showed up that they canceled it. And I was like, luckily Spencer was with me. And >> I lost it in the waiting room. Those poor pregnant ladies who had a witness.
Um I was like, >> I had my baby and my baby died and the circles is still inside of me and I need to see my doctor and get this out of me now. And so they like rushed me right back.
>> Good. Good. Um, and my my MFM explained that like she doesn't even have the tools to remove the circlage, but she called my OB like right then and was like, "She's coming to you right now."
So, >> we ended up like going right in there.
And when we got in to my OB/GYN, um, I was like, "Do you know why this could have happened?" And she was like, "No, sometimes it just happens. It's probably going to happen in the future." Just kind of like negative, which >> I'm sure that's like the standard answer for patients. Um, but since we knew that I had like the clotting disorder and that was addressed and the hormone disorder or issues and that those were addressed, you know, and she was like, "Well, let me just go check to see if the pathology came back." And so she came right back in the room and she was like, "I'm so sorry. Um, I was wrong.
You had an infection. It's called choonitis. Um, and it essentially like forces you to go into labor. It can cause moms to become septic." And so like that's when I like started researching all the things and the amniotic sludge was a sign of infection, it could also just be a sign of inflammation. But since it was already present at my 16week scan like and then getting the circlash placed um >> when I reached back out to my MFM like via email, she said that it could have absolutely like ramped up any infection that I had um because there all kinds of >> things are happening that are you know affecting >> everything in your uterus. So, um, so the placenta showed that I had a hyper coiled, um, umbilical cord, which like later on can lead to bad things, but my OB said she didn't see any sign of that.
So, like they could tell with the microscope that I had that, but it it wasn't >> like that definitely wasn't any reason for Yeah.
>> So, I went into labor because of coro amnonitis. And I know now like if I would have gone to the doctor that week before when I just felt like something's different um that they would have forced me to deliver because I I probably was I probably would have turned septic.
>> Yeah.
>> So yes. Um since then um I realized that there's a type of circlage that you can have done pre-preg and it stays in your body for the rest of your life and then you'll always have C-sections which I've already had C-sections. So, it's called a transabdominal circlage. Um, and it's pretty rare. It's not widely known like it's not widely known, I guess. Um, unless you've had a lot of losses due to cervical issues.
>> So, I researched all the things for that. And then in September, I had it's called a TAC. I had a TAC placed and the chance >> for like any sort of infection to come with a regular circ, but with attack, it's practically non-existent. So, >> if the Lord chooses to give us more babies, um I've I've done everything that I can to ensure that this will never happen again.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh, I I I don't know how you feel about knowing that this could have been pres prevented, but maybe, you know, >> I would be um beating myself up, kind of getting mad at people, and like I I don't know how you've been able to deal with Just what if what if what if I >> Yes.
>> I I mean they can it can eat you alive, right? Like >> Yeah.
>> Again, I know that we'll be with Opie again one day and all our other babies in heaven, too. And yet a lifetime is forever to go. Like a lifetime of just thinking like if I would have done this, if I would have done that, if I had known about that. And like I think that's something that kind of like shook Spencer and I's faith a little bit is God led us to all these different doctors, to all these different things to like address things. But why did I not know anything about infection? Why did I not know anything about inflammation? Why? So, it's truly like choosing to trust to trust God Almighty even when it makes absolutely no sense because it doesn't. I don't know. I don't know how we'd be able to get through this without our faith. I really don't.
>> Yes. Yeah.
>> Kelly, I um did you guys end up doing any sort of memorial service or funeral um for Oakley?
>> We didn't. Um we knew we were moving like that was always the plan. Um after she was born we were going to list our house and we were going to move to Tennessee. Um she was supposed to be here for that though. So >> yeah.
>> Um we didn't we knew I don't know like for her for her one year birthday that's coming up. I think that we'll probably do something special. We kind of have some plans already. Um but again we we're not really close with our family.
Um the majority of them like haven't even acknowledged her birth or her death. Um and we have some amazing friends that I think that we'll like invite to a one-year celebration of life more so. Um I think it's such a blessing that family doesn't have to be blood.
>> Yes.
>> Um but after she was born, it was fast and furious with like getting her house ready to sell and then listing it and then moving and it just kind of like that's what we were f we put like all of our focus and attention to that.
>> Yeah. which I think also helped us through that part of the grieving phase.
So, and now we're like in the aftermath of living this life that we had planned to live with her and now >> like the grief has come on heavier, I think, >> which I don't know if that's if that's how everybody else experiences it, but it was almost like just checking off the boxes after she was born, you know, like we need to do this, this, this, this, this.
>> And now it's like we can take a take a breath and be like, >> "Oh, wait, >> he's not here." Yeah, that's not the way it was supposed to be.
>> Yes, we do have um Well, and we can talk about that later, too, but we do have like a an area in our home of just it's like an Oakley for an Oakley area.
>> Yeah.
>> Good. Good.
>> Yes.
>> That is wonderful. Um Kelly, I am so grateful for the time that you've shared and I I'm just heartbroken for you and your family. I just um but I'm so glad that you were able to tell us about her.
like I just think that is wonderful to be able to hear about her and and to see the love that you guys the love and devotion that you guys have to her. So I just think that's wonderful. So thank you so much for this time. I before we close up I wanted to make sure that we um didn't miss anything about her story or anything that you wanted to say about her that >> um I think looking at my notes I think we covered it all. I think most of the things I have are like for the advice episode, but I do want I just want to like make sure that her memory lives on that >> she was a person and she was so loved and adored and if if love could keep babies alive, she would be here right now. And yeah, she's she's a part of our family. Even if >> Yeah, >> even if you can't see her, she's very much a part of our family.
>> Yeah, >> that's perfect. Yeah, they are, aren't they? They are.
>> Yeah.
>> Well, thank you again, Kelly. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us today.
>> Thank you.
Videos Relacionados
3 Reasons Eating Meat Will Kill You?
Professor-Bart-Kay-Nutrition
1K views•2026-05-28
Group launches palliative care training campaign – May 29, 2026
cpac
593 views•2026-05-29
#shorts | First Guess of Brain Stroke? | Dr Manoj Vasireddy | Neurology | Sri Sri Holistic Hospitals
SriSriHolisticHospitals
103 views•2026-05-28
Whether you have chronic infections or mystery symptoms, Evvy’s Vaginal Health test can help you
evvybio
584 views•2026-06-01
🍉 Benefits of Watermelon During Pregnancy | Healthy Fruit for Mom & Baby #medicoabhijit #healthymum
medicoabhijit_br
1K views•2026-05-30
7 Sneaky Attacks on Women's Womb Health You Never See Coming
DrBobbyPrice
1K views•2026-05-29
#pregnancyafterloss leaves you feeling very scared and all i can go on is the information i have
Changedbygrief-TFMRMama
498 views•2026-05-31
Beyond Liver Disease: The Hidden Role of Protein in CLD Recovery | Dr. Karan Jain & Ms. Reshma Aleem
VoiceofHealthcare
420 views•2026-05-29
