nobody was good enough to join our chat so I put on a shirt

Added: 2026-05-26

[00:00:01]I'm You don't have to do all this.

[00:00:06]You You don't have to do all this. You don't have to do all this.

[00:00:12]>> Vela Zelda.

[00:00:26]You're all quite short, aren't you?

[00:00:30]We'll put it on uh participant mode of subscribers.

[00:00:35]We we we'll put it at five minutes, you know. Well, maybe maybe later on we'll we'll open it up and see if anybody, you know, comes through and says silly [ __ ] but in the meantime, you know, uh well, all I know is like we were trying to do like auditions today for chat and like everybody was like not funny.

[00:01:07]They were just like talking about titty [ __ ] to which I'm like we call it melonballing.

[00:01:13]Okay, titty [ __ ] is not politically correct because you cannot say titty [ __ ] on national television. At least not in the United States. I think other other countries like Canadia.

[00:01:28]>> Yeah, they have a national melon foundation.

[00:01:31]>> Yeah, the National Melon Balling Foundation of Canadia.

[00:01:39]Hello, Christopher Barton. Melon balling is the scientific term. Well, it's more like, you know, again, if you can't say the [ __ ] word, Latin. I don't know that that's Latin.

[00:01:54]Meloning is not a Latin term, right?

[00:01:58]>> I don't know. I'm not Latin.

[00:02:01]>> You took Latin.

[00:02:03]But I'm not laughing.

[00:02:06]That would be cultural appropriation.

[00:02:09]>> Canadians do not eat turds. You be nice to them. Look, you be nice to them. We might have to be their slave today. Uh, hello Christopher Barton. What am I doing? Um, it's Friday night. My husband is cooking a [ __ ] steak and I'm drinking my orange cream with the [ __ ] uh you know, see we we we do things around here. We have other ways of making you talk.

[00:02:42]Okay.

[00:02:45]They sometimes eat turds. What? What?

[00:02:51]I don't know. I don't know why the [ __ ] people come in and start talking [ __ ] about Canadia. It's not even like time to do that.

[00:03:00]It's most definitely. What is up, Christopher Barton?

[00:03:05]Most definitely.

[00:03:09]Great. Thrush.

[00:03:12]Thrush.

[00:03:16]Thrush.

[00:03:17]>> Thrush.

[00:03:19]Yeah, thrush is is like what baby newborns get on their their tongues.

[00:03:26]It's like a little yeast infection in their little tongues, you know? It's it's just a it's a [ __ ] thing. So, I don't know why you brought up thrush. Like, is there is there a baby with a [ __ ] infection?

[00:03:39]Um, a mouth infection. It do. We call that an infection, though. Yeah, I guess so because this is yeast infection.

[00:03:48][ __ ] Uh, wedding cake. Wedding cake saying thrush. Are you on top chat again? Disco.

[00:03:56]Because I don't think that that you blocked wedding cake. I can see wedding cake. You should be able to see wedding cake. If you cannot, then yeah, you probably [ __ ] something up somehow.

[00:04:08]Uh, yeah. Yeah. I just didn't know what the [ __ ] you were saying. But why did you bring it up? What are we talking about thrush for?

[00:04:16]You can see wedding cake and wedding cake said thrush. I see it. I see >> that's what you get when you mix Trump with Rush Limbbo.

[00:04:28]>> Okay, that wasn't even remotely. That was really That was >> was a stupid stretch. That was that was You need to get high or something or have a have a have a a apple. Oh, he's going to get a zombie. Hold up. You didn't.

[00:04:51]You d.

[00:04:55]Oh no. What happened to Christopher?

[00:04:56]What happened?

[00:04:58]May you all enjoy your night. Oh, all right. Well, thanks, bro. that he sent us the [ __ ] uh Golden Gate Bridge and a [ __ ] party blower. That dude does poppers. I know it. You guys know about the poppers, right? You guys know about what what poppers are for. If anybody doesn't know Poppers in chat. Poppers. He's going memeies. Oh, he's going >> poppers in chat.

[00:05:24]>> Yeah, poppers in chat. No, not the boof.

[00:05:27]Boof is different. The boof is different. Do >> do not poppers popper fluid >> poppers. Okay, poppers. Do not drink the popper fluid.

[00:05:37]>> And don't boo it either.

[00:05:40]>> Definitely don't boo it.

[00:05:42]>> Actually, I Are you supposed You're not supposed Wait, do you drink it?

[00:05:52]>> No, don't drink it. Don't boof it.

[00:05:56]>> What do you How do you >> You sniff it. Oh, >> it is a cleaning fluid and it gets you high that way >> and it and it makes your butthole clean or butthole like loose or >> No, no, no, no. It cleans the VHS heads.

[00:06:15]That's why they ask for the VHS head cleaner.

[00:06:19]>> Well, I know I I do know that, but I just I don't wasn't sure how it gets ingested, you know.

[00:06:26]>> Pretty sure you just breathe it in.

[00:06:30]Okay, >> ask chat. They might know >> with your butthole. Uh, all right, guys.

[00:06:36]Do you do you think it's a if if it's a situation here that we need to like um do you think that do you think that that that might be a thing? Do we need to do we need to go into that? Have we spent too much time on the poppers?

[00:06:51]You know, do we need to move on from the butthole and the I don't know. It's It always comes back to butt stuff every time. The poppers were invented by Carl Popper.

[00:07:00]>> Carl Pauper invented the first popper in 1982 when he realized that he couldn't get a whole VCR into his butthole. So he took the poppers, he sniffed the [ __ ] and he [ __ ] like, you know, wow, my ass is now just going around eating things in the house. And so the guy's butt turned into a mouth and he just walked around the house and HIS BUTT WAS LIKE AND IT WAS LIKE eating pillows and [ __ ] It ate the dog.

[00:07:28]There's never enough time for butthole talk.

[00:07:30]>> The hungry hungry Carl Poppers [ __ ] Now I feel bad because like I told them yesterday about the time that like I used to make like videos with my niece and like I had her and Brianna like lay on the floor and they were like wearing trash bags as clothes and I put like candy and was like hungry hungry hobos are in an eating race and I was like I was like tapping their feet. I was like you know like the hungry hungry hippos.

[00:08:00]>> Yeah that's a little unfortunate now.

[00:08:02]Okay, but at least I admit that I do [ __ ] Well, I did do [ __ ] like that. But that was that was not the time I gave them eating disorders. Although I think Brianna may have possibly chipped a tooth on the tile, but >> might not have >> that might not have been my fault. He took a sniff, tried to sit down on a stool, and just slid right down it like, you know, like You lose a bar stool up there.

[00:08:34]Sniffing poppers doesn't turn your butthole into the cookie monster. You don't know that, Dirty Chef. Or do you?

[00:08:41]Okay. By the way, Dirty Chef, guys, you know who it is? Remember our friend Sweepy, the guy with the sweeping machine? Yeah, he don't do that more no more. But he's got that tooth injury can cause an eating disorder. You never know. No. What caused the eating disorder was when I was haunting them on their slumber party in the tent outside.

[00:09:01]>> You think they were in a tent outside?

[00:09:04]>> Yeah. Yeah. They were they were camping in the backyard. Hello, default use one. Thank you very much for the $10 dono.

[00:09:12]>> I don't think that I deserve that.

[00:09:14]>> Outside.

[00:09:15]>> Yeah. Yes. It was nighttime and this is like a huge property and they were in the backyard and I was like hiding in my deadfather's like shop full of machinery and turning the machines on >> like there was a belt sander and I [ __ ] ran that [ __ ] and and I also like used my cell phone to call the the the office a thousand times, you know, and they're like, "Oh my god, he's got a business.

[00:09:48]Yeah. Yeah. You're a legit cook now at a barbecue joint. Oh my god. Are you the [ __ ] guy? Well, I marry you. Ew.

[00:09:56]What the [ __ ] Why would you Why? What?

[00:09:59]Hold on. I got to scooch my chair. I got to do it like, you know, you got to [ __ ] kind of like, you know, when you have to like kind of thrust your your hips.

[00:10:13]Anyways, uh yeah. Uh dude, wait. Your brother's gay.

[00:10:19]That's how you know. That's how you know about the poppers.

[00:10:24]>> That's not anything he ever tried.

[00:10:26]>> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Due to my brother being gay, like that is a little bit of a of a silly way to phrase that, isn't it? You know, um Where were we? Poppers. Oh, I was gonna ask you if like you are you the guy that like, you know, has like a [ __ ] big ass rack of ribs or something and you're like out and and smoking that [ __ ] and bringing the smoke up over the [ __ ] parking lot and and everyone's like, "Oh my god, going you're going to be a very cultured straight man chef." I was gay once.

[00:11:08]Whatever. It was the 80s and cocaine was good. I mean, this doesn't make you gay, though. Doing a gay thing does not make you gay, right? Because it's a it's it's an identity thing, right?

[00:11:21]And like, if you might suck some dicks sometimes, you know, you don't have to make your whole personality that. And the people who know will know because they'll have been there getting their dick sucked by you.

[00:11:35]You're not the smoker guy, but you do the lunch and dinner service prep.

[00:11:40]So, are you expo or are you are you chef? Like, like what what what are you doing?

[00:11:48]Sexuality is a spectrum. Yeah. And sometimes the the colors mix and it gets weird and then we have to like, you know, stop them, you know, like listen, I don't know. I'm not really [ __ ] sure that I'm into the whole like other kin dragon kin stuff. I'm I'm not I'm not sure. Just prepping production.

[00:12:18]I refill everything, get backups ready for dinner. So, yeah, you're you're like expo, I think. But it's [ __ ] good.

[00:12:25]I'm just glad that you have a good job that you're enjoying. Yeah. I I you were you were driving that [ __ ] street sweeper at night and like it was really cool because it was like street sweeper simulator but also like >> turned out so >> well they they weren't treating him very good and they kept giving him a broken truck and then you know So, I'm just happy that you have a good job now.

[00:13:03]There are things I do not understand. I can admit that I don't get neopronouns.

[00:13:09]Does that mean are are you talking about like Zur and Z and Zatty? Is that a neopon?

[00:13:18]Uh what I have explained, you know, my understanding of it is for things like they say, "OH, THERE'S 56 GENDERS." And it's like right because saying transwoman is one gender, saying woman is another gender. Um, you know, there there's there's different combinations. There's the interex, trans, fem, you know, non but but the thing is we don't need to get into all that. you know, like we can we can adjust the flavor of the Kool-Aid once we know that the vibes are fresh, right? And then it's like, "Hey, I like hanging out with you. Do you want to [ __ ] or are we like not doing that?" And it's like, "Oh, well, I can only get off if I am a dragon."

[00:14:07]And you know, then the other person can be like, "I might be into that. How do you get this dragon [ __ ] going?" And then they go, "Zur might be, but to me that's so mainstream. The kids are having pronouns like frog, frog self and emojis."

[00:14:27]Okay. Well, look, again, I I think I think that the the Gen Z kids, and I and I base all of my my research on interacting with my son and his friends who are almost all in the military except for uh one.

[00:14:48]And they're also all like Asian and Indian and [ __ ] Um, a Mexican.

[00:14:57]Uh, like y'all know me, I don't hate gay people. I already have my kitchen up my butt. I don't think I have any space left.

[00:15:05]Why do you have your kitchen in your butt? You're old, gay, and tired folks.

[00:15:10]Sorry if I'm a Chud. You're not a Chud.

[00:15:13]It's that. Look, we've been awake for a long time. All right. You know the wokeness. We woke up and we've been watching it for 10 years and now it's all going to hell and it's a little bit like all right, you know, we're kind of watching all of the things uh happen. I think that the kids though, they have transcended racism. Granted, not all of them. Not all of them. Not all of them. Um, but in understanding how they talk to each other, um, the n-word is just a word and, um, the, you know, saying it's like, you know, because like I said, we woke up. We've been awake so long, we're tired, got to go back to sleep, we're resting now. The thing is is that the these kids have only been alive since like 2005. So they can only remember the [ __ ] ass world that we've had since 2008, right? So, right. um being old gay and tired and unwilling to to learn, you know, um a new trend of things that people call themselves, you know.

[00:16:46]I just I think we just need to establish we need we need to establish a certain sort of like what what we want is we want our gay people are gay immigrants to have their guns.

[00:17:19]Deckler Mitchell, remember me? How's your dick? Well, I'll put it away for now. Deckler, but you know. Or Decker.

[00:17:29]Decker. Deckler. I don't know.

[00:17:32]Hey, [ __ ] man. Yeah. So, like the these kids like they they just call each other everything or they just say things. This is like, you know, they know that nothing is real and that is why they run into the Scientology buildings. Right back. Got to get work clothes. Have sun.

[00:17:53]Have sun. No, don't have sun. Do not have sun. Uh, >> no. Zero babies.

[00:18:04]>> Okay.

[00:18:06]>> Zero babies.

[00:18:09]>> Zero babies. Do they confuse you? You know, they they are pretty confusing and this is why like I'm I'm trying to figure them out cuz you know, also like I raised a amazing [ __ ] my god, why is he so cool? My son is so cool. So much cooler than the rest of you and and the rest of your kids. And uh you know, but also I know that that that that gives him a big head, but also he's he he des he deserves it. Although, you know what's funny? Wade got called for jury duty.

[00:18:44]Now I have to figure out how to tell them that he he's uh he's a little busy right now. Uh you know, he's way cooler than everybody's kids.

[00:18:57]Um and he's a good boy. He's a [ __ ] good [ __ ] boy.

[00:19:04]But then his little friends come over and his friends are, you know, dropping end bombs in my kitchen. with the A. And they're all like Asian again. Like they're Wade may have, you know, paper white skin and bright red hair, but all of his friends are just like every shade of brown. It's great. Do you do you guys remember when I I was like posting pictures when he graduated? Well, maybe you guys would have, but there was a group a couple of years ago that were on the channel and every time I posted the a picture of Wade, he was usually standing with like some black guys or something because, you know, he had just gotten out of boot camp and those were his buddies or whatever. And I would post it and everybody would go, "Which one's your son?"

[00:19:50]That was my favorite thing in the world because it was so They're like, "So, is yours the black one?" Amazing. not a kid anymore. He's a great man.

[00:20:00]>> He He is going to be He's going to turn 21 under the sea. 20,000 leagues under the sea. If you ever get a chance to be adopted by Asians, take it. Um, I kind of want to meet Kevin's mom, but I'm afraid of her. I'm I'm afraid of all of all of the other parents.

[00:20:25]I don't really think I don't think my kids ever had like a bestest friend or anything. I don't think I had to meet a whole lot of [ __ ] dudes. Remember when he graduated? Yes, you were here for that.

[00:20:40]You were here for that. All right, have fun. Get your [ __ ] together, chefo.

[00:20:46]Uh yeah. So, so you know, the more that you're like, "Hey, that's not okay to say," you know, because we understand as adults, we're like, "No, that that word has has connotations. That that word has history and that word is an act of violence to a lot of people." And and they're they're use it and other, you know, offensive slurs and whatnot. Um, it's like taking the power back. It it it's almost like not that not to negate all of the horrible things that happened, but we're living right here, right now, and we were born in 2005, and we've never ever seen like, oh, no, no, we had Obama. We had Obama. Obama had uh some structure, but he was also dealing with the like post bailout [ __ ] So, >> but als >> Well, right. And so someone born in 2005 would be uh 12 in 200 17 when Trump took office. So maybe they start paying attention at that point. I don't know.

[00:22:12]Joshua, I do have nice titties.

[00:22:17]If I wanted to, I could put them in my mouth, but can't frame it that way to young people.

[00:22:23]You just got to be not in this. Yes, that's exactly it. That That's exactly um although I let I let I let I let Kevin say like a half of a slur.

[00:22:42]But then I [ __ ] get a [ __ ] phone call from Wade and then I got Peter in the background telling me, "Yo, this Enga out here doing and I'm like you boys." I told Peter, I'm like, "You're a bad boy. You don't you don't get to do that." But also, it was really funny because when Wade was here last, um, uh, Wade was on the phone with Ethan.

[00:23:12]Ethan is Chinese and he he finished boot camp like couple months ago and he's now in the power school. So, he's in South Carolina where Wade was learning all that school [ __ ] crazy nukes and [ __ ] So, Wade's like on the phone with him on speaker phone. He's like, you know, hey, uh, I'm on speaker phones, so don't say the N word. It's [ __ ] Ethan's like, "What?

[00:23:46]Like I think like like Wade like scared him cuz that kid's afraid of me because there was a time where the things that he was saying went too far and I had to You know, I I could I could deal with a lot. I I I don't mind hanging out with, you know, [ __ ] you know, kids that talk about stupid [ __ ] but there are certain things that we don't talk about or we don't [ __ ] make that into the butt of a joke, right? So, certain things certain things, you know, now he's scared to get beat up. I never threatened to beat the kid up.

[00:24:30]I mean, he's like I mean, he's probably okay. Pre boot camp. Yeah, I probably could have kicked his ass. Um, >> Trump could not beat up Ethan in a fight.

[00:24:48]Trump is a potato. He doesn't have like he it he just leaks. He just [ __ ] leaks gases and fluids and and chunks.

[00:25:03]>> Oh, Gleet. That's right. It is Gleet.

[00:25:06]It's Gleet.

[00:25:08]I would never purposely fight that. I would I I'm trying not to fight kids, you know. You know, but I do every once in a while like keep it in my mind like I could probably beat up Wade. Maybe.

[00:25:25]>> Do you think I could beat Wade's ass?

[00:25:28]>> Maybe. I mean, he has the physical strength >> and the tallness, but also I'm his mom, which gives first of all the tactical advantage of, you know, no, you don't want to hit your mom, but also the tactical advantage of I know where all of his tickle spots are. You want to [ __ ] come at me? You want me [ __ ] cross? And then he's like, you know what I mean? So, you know, I'm just tell I'm just telling it like it is people. He wouldn't hit back, but I think he could take a lot.

[00:26:04]Well, he's a big He's [ __ ] He's terrifying, but it's great. Yeah, but the Yeah, but it doesn't matter how [ __ ] many muscles you have. If I [ __ ] goick and your tummy in a very specific spot, uh, you will double over and just be on the floor going, "All right, it's like the five finger death punch thing except that it's um just mom says, "Shut the [ __ ] up, silly boy." And then you just get him.

[00:26:39]Just you can you can completely disarm a man if you know where he's ticklish.

[00:26:48]I don't know why we uh ended up talking about fighting kids, but Right. I'm not fighting Ethan. I I I like him. I just had to give him a little bit of a verbal smackdown a few years back. Yeah.

[00:27:06]Okay. How are we doing? There's 23 people watching.

[00:27:11]Oh no, there's only 18 now. Damn. Think only your ex knows your doubled over tickle spot in your side. Well, see, now you're just telling us things.

[00:27:21]See, you know, >> parents.

[00:27:25]>> Oh, no. She has parents. Guess what?

[00:27:28]Disco told me today that when she was 14, her mother told her that she has never given or received oral sex and that there was no point to it.

[00:27:41]>> That >> at 14. Yeah.

[00:27:46]>> Oh, well, Disco prefers the company of mom women.

[00:27:53]Like there's a very specific vibe. Uh she she I mean you know everybody gets a little bit dick hungry maybe. So she's not like like full less lesbian.

[00:28:06]>> Uh your mom definitely doesn't Thank God.

[00:28:12]Uh you do. Yeah. She she's she's really into moms, you know. Um or just the mom aesthetic, you know what I mean? Uh but also apparently that the if I understand correctly the let me see if I got this right. The coming out story was at the same time as mom telling you she's never given or received oral sex.

[00:28:47]Dirty chef. I like moms too. You're like homorromantic, bisexual. If I had to label it, >> biromantic is one. Did you know that?

[00:28:58]Biroantic.

[00:28:59]>> Because you know what? It's not illegal to kiss the homies. Good night.

[00:29:04]>> It's And it's not gay.

[00:29:06]>> It's not gay. Oh, while she cried. So, she's crying and talking about never getting her box up licked and [ __ ] And then and she's crying on the floor.

[00:29:21]Mom's giving you juice boxes.

[00:29:24]Oh [ __ ] >> No, my my bro here, Dirty Chef. That's actually Sweepy. Remember Sweepy?

[00:29:32]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Except I think Well, he's uh he's he's uh saying that they give him juice boxes. So, I'm thinking that it's like this [ __ ] guy, you know, he sees mom in the store opening the little Juicy Juice box to the kid.

[00:29:45]Oh [ __ ] Thank you. Oh. Oh, I have I have a steak and corn and [ __ ] I'm probably not going to be here very long.

[00:29:58]But yeah, a juice box, right? You know, so like mom's like getting the juice or the the little Capri Sun going and then you know, you like walk up next to her and you just kind of Hey, Mom.

[00:30:12]Can I get me uh Can I get me one of them juicy juices you got there? Can you put the straw in it for me, though? It's kind of hard. I can't do it. You know what I mean? I feel like that's that's a really good plan. Um Hey, so what?

[00:30:28]You're not high yet, are you? Or are you?

[00:30:30]>> Um >> you made a zombie.

[00:30:33]>> I did.

[00:30:36]and you are considering playing the Nintendo 64.

[00:30:44]Okay, fruit snack moms. Okay, fruit fruit stack fruit snack moms. Okay, I'm a fruit stack mom, but I'm gonna go for now because you know we need to eat. But I might be back. Steve might be really high playing Mario 64. Mario World 64 because I got him a I got him a a Nintendo 64 for his birthday. He doesn't know how to do it. Only puts a straw in your juice after uh dirty chef. All right, I'll c I I'll catch you cool cobras later. Maybe tonight or not. I don't Oh, bye.