BROAD DAZE: with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen

Added: 2026-05-21

[00:00:08]Hello. Hello. Welcome to broad day. It's another broad day's episode. We have >> all four all four [laughter] >> today. Uh Rachel's not doing cat food, >> you guys. Hold on. It was cat litter.

[00:00:25]Not only that, but guess what is showing up at my house?

[00:00:28]>> A cat. a cat.

[00:00:30]>> 40 lb of cat litter. [laughter] >> Why?

[00:00:37]>> As a thank you.

[00:00:38]>> Can you tell [gasps] tell us about your cat? Tell us all about your cat. Like what's YOUR CAT LIKE?

[00:00:43]>> I WAS supporting the ASPCA.

[00:00:46]It their adoption month is in June. Like it's a big adoption event. Everybody should adopt. I was fostering. I do not own a cat. I have a puppy at my feet >> and that is enough for me.

[00:00:58]>> How long did you have your foster cat?

[00:01:00][laughter] >> Well, let me tell you. Let me tell you.

[00:01:06]>> That sweet cat found a forever home with my cousin.

[00:01:11]>> Oh, get out.

[00:01:13]>> She's still in the family. Gaddy, she used to be Gaddy, now known as Liza Minnelli, is very happy [laughter] >> living in the Hollywood Hills. Thank you very much.

[00:01:21]>> What a happy ending for that cat. living in the Hollywood Hills. Oh my god. It can't leave the house after dark. Fine.

[00:01:27][laughter] Well, it's a condo. It's a condo. I don't It's not going anywhere.

[00:01:30]>> First of all, Coyotes, we need to see the diamond collar on Liz Minnelli and we [laughter] need we need photos of Liza for uh this episode because I know we're all going to be very in love.

[00:01:49]Wait, wait, wait. I have a fun We're really quick. Yes, tell us.

[00:01:57]>> Speaking of cat litter, I have found the best purpose for cat litter if you don't have a cat. Okay.

[00:02:04]>> What is it?

[00:02:05]>> I had to go camping for the Girl Scouts, my daughter, you know, Briers and Girl Scouts, and we had to do our weekend camping trip, two nights, whatever.

[00:02:13]>> I put a toilet in my tent, right? And I found the tip that you put a bag in the camping toilet, you put litter in the bag. So if you pee, whatever, it absorbs it. You just like you tie it up. There's no puddles, like no anything.

[00:02:31]>> And it worked perfectly. So now I do have a use for maybe not 40 lbs, but I do have a use [laughter] for the little >> Okay.

[00:02:39]>> Oh my god.

[00:02:40]>> Can we talk about Did Okay. What do you mean you put a toilet in your your tent?

[00:02:44]You put a toilet inside your tent to use the bathroom, but then you pulled it out after or No, tell me about the toilet.

[00:02:51]>> Oh, no. It just It has a lid and you have to pee in the middle of the night.

[00:02:55]Who's going to go trapesing to like the camp toilets like a mile away?

[00:02:59]>> Okay. I just pee right outside of the tent.

[00:03:02]>> Where is the Where? Tell me.

[00:03:03]>> Drop a nug.

[00:03:06]>> I need to I need to know. [laughter] Can you tell me >> it pass me?

[00:03:10]>> I'm I'm googling camping toilet right now. I need to know. camping toilet. You guys, I am a peer, but I'm also like I have >> Well, of course, but like I also have pee um pee anxiety. So, like >> Yes, my friend has that. I love it.

[00:03:26]>> No, if I'm popping.

[00:03:28]>> Was it like that? Like an like an atrocious little uh tell me.

[00:03:33]>> No, it was it folds flat. Like it's very tra I feel like you could keep one in your car also.

[00:03:38]>> I see it. It's cute. It's like It's like cute.

[00:03:42]>> It's cute. You can have a cute one.

[00:03:43]Another thing, since we're on the topic, we just filmed a movie and our trailers, you know, there were honey wagons. It was a low budget, whatever. You had no toilet in your trailer. It was all public toilets. I peed in a solo cup for a month straight.

[00:03:59]>> In my trailer. So, anyway, camping toilet [laughter] with litter, solo cup in a trailer. I have everything covered.

[00:04:06]>> Oh, wait, you guys.

[00:04:07]>> My god. I'm actually getting I am fostering a cat.

[00:04:11]>> What? So, I need that kitty litter.

[00:04:13]Yeah. So, we've decided >> 40 pounds for you.

[00:04:16]>> Can you send it my way because we are we're going to foster a pregnant mama cat.

[00:04:21]>> I know.

[00:04:22]>> Hold on.

[00:04:23]>> I know. It's ridiculous. No, Mark is like, >> "We need to stop collecting animals. We have enough people to keep alive." How many animals have you rehomed and still take care of on farms across the United?

[00:04:38]I'm only re [laughter] I've only rehomed one in my life. I'm at the same number as you, Sarah, but I have [laughter] a cat. I'm fostering a cat. I'm not adopting a cat. I'm fostering a pregnant mama cat because they need fosters right now.

[00:04:56]>> You're going to deliver her babies.

[00:04:58]>> I won't deliver.

[00:04:59]>> I don't because I've learned all about it. You don't You're supposed to be really hands off like a a good midwife.

[00:05:05]>> Really hands off. And it's a dark space.

[00:05:10]Well, we've found that we've got this little place like a door under our stairs with this whole beautiful big space that we're going to set up for the mama cat.

[00:05:21]>> Mark's already like, "This isn't happening." I said, "Yes, it is." And and then, you know, the easiest way to convince him is just to tell all the kids first so that they're like, "Yay, we're getting a cat. We're getting a cat." Oh. And then he Yeah. So, this this cat is pregnant. It's due in July.

[00:05:38]So Rachel, if you're in Vancouver at all, you might be visiting >> Vanc.

[00:05:44]>> Come bring the litter for our cat and all these kittens. But I'm actually quite excited about this. I think it's really sweet. And the only problem is I fall in love with my animals really quick. So then how do you how do you rehome it?

[00:05:59]>> How many do you have with you now? Zero.

[00:06:02]>> We've saw you posting cats or something.

[00:06:06]No. Oh, I was at a cat cafe.

[00:06:08]>> We're at a cat cafe [laughter] >> as well.

[00:06:11]>> Yes, we were at a cat cafe for Poet's birthday. But I have two dogs back home >> and I have So, I have two dogs and I have a cat. And I did have two dogs in America. So, when I was in America, I had two dogs, but then they both died and someone was looking after them for us. And then I had a foster dog who was meant to be a foster fail, but then we ended up That's the one we rehd Oh, he's rehomed. Yeah, he's rehomed.

[00:06:38]The family now gave birth on my neck.

[00:06:41]>> I'm sorry. What?

[00:06:42]>> What?

[00:06:43]>> You don't know this, Rachel. The cat did what?

[00:06:45]>> Now that you're saying it, I do.

[00:06:47]>> Gave birth on my neck. Oh, >> I was sleeping and my friend Diana was sleeping over and we were like in sixth grade and we were asleep and I woke up because I felt something like moving on my neck.

[00:07:02]>> Oh my god. Oh my god.

[00:07:04]>> And I freaked out cuz I thought it was like a rat. Like I didn't know what it was but I froze and I was like, "Diana, turn on the light." And she was like all discombobulated. She turned on the light and in the sack cuz they're born sacks, right? And the mama licks it out of the sack. The ma the mom cat was licking the cat out of the sack on my freaking fracking neck. Did you stay still? I would have thrown it across the room not knowing.

[00:07:35]>> I had to stay still.

[00:07:40]>> Well, did it make any noises? Was it like >> like did you know at that point it was a cat? Like I'm shook. How did you How did you remain so c That thing would have been I would have been so sad because I would have accidentally thrown a baby cat across the room.

[00:07:55]>> 100%.

[00:07:55]>> I mean, I've thrown my own baby before out of fear, you guys. There was [laughter] >> chucked the baby [laughter] and he caught him.

[00:08:08]>> Thank god.

[00:08:09]>> Wait, why did you chuck the baby? We missed the first part. There was a big spider crawling on me and Jeff said, "Don't move." And I just threw Elliot just like, >> "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my [laughter] god."

[00:08:23]>> But the cat for some reason I froze because like I I don't know how to explain it. It's like I intuitively knew like I couldn't move or something bad would happen.

[00:08:36]>> I feel like I would have been like throwing up. I I would have been like, >> "Yeah, >> I feel like that's a good omen or something." Like comfortable with you on your body and your energy and that it was like I'm going to birth my baby on top of this.

[00:08:50]>> You're the real Catwoman.

[00:08:52]>> I know. And the rest were down in the closet.

[00:08:55]>> It was just one.

[00:08:57]>> It had one.

[00:08:58]>> I'm expecting in my head that there's like a bunch.

[00:09:01]>> There was six, but it only gave birth to one on my neck.

[00:09:05]>> Oh. And then it went somewhere [laughter] else.

[00:09:08]We kept that one.

[00:09:10]>> You did?

[00:09:10]>> Oh, you kept it.

[00:09:13]>> You had a cat.

[00:09:15]>> We had three cats. That one that gave birth on my neck, then we kept two babies. Then all three of them got pregnant at once. So then they all had babies. And the coolest thing is nobody nobody cared who the mom was. They would just all go nurse off each other. And like >> nobody gave a crap. like is this my mom?

[00:09:38]Is that >> Do they live a long time?

[00:09:41]>> I didn't keep all 20. We only kept [laughter] we kept the three and um >> a you guys she hates cats.

[00:09:50]>> I hate them.

[00:09:52]>> Why?

[00:09:53]>> I love a cat. I love a cat.

[00:09:56]>> I got attacked brutally by a cat. Like brutally brutally.

[00:10:01]And so >> it traumatized me and now I don't trust them.

[00:10:04]>> Was that just a straight cat? like a psycho street cat.

[00:10:08]>> It was a pregnant cat. It was my friend's >> Oh dear. [laughter] >> You get a little protective, Teresa.

[00:10:15]Just >> Oh god.

[00:10:18]>> You know, maybe keep the kids away from the pregnant cat while before she gives birth.

[00:10:23]>> I've been told this cat is really sweet.

[00:10:26]I've been I've been told it's been Yeah, it's been pre-screened cuz I was like, "Are they sure they want to give it to a family with a bunch of children?"

[00:10:32]They're like, "No, we we're really desperate. We really need We're desperate. She She's really sweet.

[00:10:37]>> She shows up and so sweet, >> you know. [laughter] >> Wow. You're not a cat person after that.

[00:10:43]That's interesting.

[00:10:44]>> We had a a cat named Miss Kitty and she had um a bunch of kittens and we named them all after the little rascals and they were so cute. So like Darla, Alpha, Alpha, oh my gosh, they were the cutest, sweetest, living underneath our shed >> in in Kentucky at our place. But we never had house animals growing up. Like >> animals now like live in our homes with us and everything in Kentucky when I was growing up. Like no one's animals came inside. Like it was all if the tom cat came and killed some kittens, it was like, well that's nature, you know? Like it wasn't. you're like, "But that was my cat." And they're like, "Well, that's just they have to take care of each other, you know?" Like that's So it's weird. Like once I grew up and then had animals, I was like, "The animals come inside the house. They like live inside a house." [laughter] >> But it's that mentality that you like grew up with that like that just happens. I wonder how that's really like shaped your brain as a human and a mother because like >> not having that I would feel like that would just come into play a lot of the time where you're just like >> that's nature.

[00:11:58]>> Yeah, that's the way it is.

[00:11:59]>> Oh, you're like h that's so interesting.

[00:12:02]>> Um I know >> you guys I want to ask you about um I mean we can keep talking about cats but I've decided >> No, I think [laughter] we shouldn't.

[00:12:12]>> It's coming. It's gone. It's coming.

[00:12:14]It's gone.

[00:12:15]It's in and it's out. [gasps] Um, okay.

[00:12:17]So, we talked to Olivia last time about the year of the horse.

[00:12:22]>> We talked about 2026, what's been going on. What we didn't get to ask is >> all I can hear is laughing so hard.

[00:12:32]Literally, [laughter] if Sarah has five laughs, her favorite laugh is the cackle. And that's what I just heard from like I'm [laughter] 100 yards away and that's how much I can hear.

[00:12:52]Um, okay, Rachel, you tell us cuz we didn't get to hear from you last time.

[00:12:57]>> You were deep in kitty litter.

[00:12:59]>> Yeah.

[00:13:00]>> What how has your 2026 been? What is the theme of this year for you? I know you've been working a lot. Like, what's been coming up? Tell us about the year of the horse so far in Rachel Bilson land.

[00:13:14]>> I mean it is interesting because I haven't worked that much at all. Like since having Brier it's been very limited >> and this year it started off like in January just right off the bat started working and then it just keeps coming.

[00:13:29]But it feels really good. It almost feels like reclaiming yourself as a person outside of just being a mom, even though that's number one and the most important thing to me by far. It's been kind of interesting to be like, "Oh, I'm actually like a full adult human woman who like, you know, can work and do things." And it's just like been such an interesting reminder. M >> um and yeah, things just keep coming at me and like a lot of transition, a lot of change, a lot of like forcing myself to look at things and force boundaries and grow and like all these hard things are also coming up. So, it's been like positivity with work and then challenges with just growing and it's really hard, >> but I'm embracing it all, which is not what I always do. So, I feel like all in all, it's been pretty >> it's been pretty good. What month are we in? What is it? May. May.

[00:14:27]>> May. May.

[00:14:28]>> Whoa.

[00:14:29]>> That's insane.

[00:14:30]>> That is crazy. Like, Brier's almost done with fifth grade, which that to me is just mind-blowing. Like, I don't understand >> how it happens.

[00:14:39]>> Um, but yeah, it's been a really interesting year.

[00:14:44]>> What have you guys I mean, you talked about it, but I was in cat litter. Yeah, [laughter] I have this year. Last year wasn't a great year and then this year I was just talking about like I've it's just family. I'm having so so much family time.

[00:15:01]>> So the work life balance is it's like chef's kiss right now. I'm working on a job that I'm really excited about. like you, I just this opportunity came my [clears throat] way and it's been unbelievably exciting, but I have so much time with my kids. I'm having I'm spend because they're homeschooling.

[00:15:21]We're here in Vancouver having this adventure and so >> it's just time spent which is amazing but also purging >> things that feel uncomfortable uh toxic relationships been really diving deep into that sort of work and and then Sarah and I recently interviewed this wonderful guest Sarah Baldwin who uh talked to us about the concept of parts work >> um which is like mindblowing and stuff that I sort of know through Mark cuz Mark does a lot of this stuff, but to actually have language surrounding it.

[00:15:58]Um, I think since we interviewed her, both Sarah and I have been talking about it's kind of propelled us to do a lot of like selfexloration work, self-reflection.

[00:16:09]I'm like got diving back into childhood memories and just like taking a look at how that felt and how that might show up in my parenting. And >> so it's been a really interesting year like so much work but then a lot of this spiritual self exploration and um it's like a cleans. It's almost like a cleansing year of expansion and abundance which has been really nice.

[00:16:34]And and what she was talking about with the um you know some of that stuff was like a forecast we got too from the year was when we talked to like you know Christina or we talked to some of our friends who like were forecasting okay the year of the horse and we did our women's circle um which was so amazing and we brought in our friend Christina who does like uh she's like a spiritual like talks to your spirit guides and she um does inner child work and stuff like that but she sort of forecasted for the year of the that this is the year to be like, you know, you will really see those relationships that are not good for you and it'll be so clear and those rel it's going to be hard, but those relationships will need to go away and then you will so much will shift in your life because of that. And then also, it's a year of like it's it's a hard no.

[00:17:29]Like you really just say yes to the things that light you up. But if you're on the fence, it's a no.

[00:17:36]>> And it's important to pay attention to that. And I've been trying to pay attention to that, too. It's like, oh, if something if the moment that I obviously if I can or cannot, that's one thing. But if the moment that I'm invited to something that like maybe doesn't 100% align with me, then it's like that's a no. I'm not going to feel guilty about it, I'm not going to show up. I'm not going to go because I'm not going to be able to put 100% of myself into it. And same with any sort of collaboration or any sort of you know thing like that. And so that was an interesting forecast because I was already sort of feeling that and then I was like oh that's so crazy. And because the year of the horse is such a you know propulsion propulsionary year you're just like flying through everything more than you know what feels typical year to year. Um that's also important because it helps you to really get into uh order your priorities. Um, and then if you don't know about parts work, which I'm sure Olivia, you probably do know a lot about parts work, which is that inner child work of looking back on different moments in your life that trigger something and you're able to go into that for and advocate for that version of yourself, that part of yourself, which is so interesting and healing and also like, you know, it's a lot of emotional work, but it's great. It's really cool. Um, I'm doing this workshop right now. Do you guys know who John Marklin is? Acting teacher?

[00:19:06]>> No.

[00:19:06]>> So, you It's right up your alley. So, it's called ritual and it's just a workshop on this kind of stuff, right?

[00:19:14]And then, and >> we did this exercise and it was parts work. And in it, it was like I wanted to get to this like little girl, but there was like this teenage version of me that was like standing in the way blocking like smoking a cigarette like you're not getting past here, >> you know?

[00:19:36]>> And so whenever I've done inner child work, it's like I've tried to like move that version out of the way so I could get to the little girl. And he his take was super interesting. He's like, "Be that teenager for a week. Be that girl that like stands in front of the car and doesn't move. Be like, what does that feel like? Give her a voice. Let her live. Like stop trying to like turn that part of you off."

[00:20:06]>> Wow.

[00:20:07]>> Right. And I was like, "Oh my god, that's so cool. It's true. It's like I've tried to shut off that part of myself that is more rebellious and um dangerous and almost even like tough >> to get.

[00:20:25]>> Did you feel shame around it? Is that why you're trying to shut shut that piece of you down? Like is there shame attached to it or is it just like I need to move on from that or I'm so different now I don't want to look back and think about her? I think it's more that it's more like I've moved on and I'm into like the kindness and the love and like all of those beautiful tender parts of who I am.

[00:20:50]>> But in that I've thrown aside a part that's actually probably quite powerful, >> right? Like she protected me my whole life and I'm like you get out of here.

[00:21:02]We're done with you. Mhm.

[00:21:04]>> Versus where can she still show up today?

[00:21:09]>> Where can I be more boundaried and put my hand like no you're not getting past here >> and let that be okay versus always being nice and nurturing and all of those things that instead can I bring in a little bit more of that edge back in and not judge it as negative because it's not soft.

[00:21:31]>> Does this make sense?

[00:21:32]>> Yeah. Absolutely makes perfect sense.

[00:21:34]>> I think um as you were saying that I have that same >> imagery. I have that same I think that's one of my parts is that like 14 15year-old girl I was quite young in my teenagehood when I started rebelling.

[00:21:51]Um, and what Sarah so beautifully, Sarah Baldwin so beautifully articulates in our episode with her was that shows up because that person at that age wasn't having a need met. So, how can you at your age now figure out what that teenage girl really needed? What sort of parenting they needed? what sort of support, what sort of emotional like like how hold them emotionally in the way that they need. Um, and I find that really interesting because I was I definitely like stumbled into this situation when I was that age that I can't imagine my kids being in a situation >> like that and being around those kinds of people and acting in that way. And I remember the feeling inside of me was like it was almost like butterflies but like you're about to get on a crazy roller coaster and you know that like could be a little bit dangerous but there's something so new and exciting and um but I also felt a lot of guilt at that age. I felt guilty about my behavior >> and I felt like it wasn't really who I was, but I was putting on this front because I was so desperate to be loved and accepted and to be in the popular group and to do what these group of girls were doing. And and I remember like trying out swear words. I grew up so Catholic. I was try I was being like, "Yeah, yeah, [ __ ] them." And then I'd be like, "Oh my god, that felt so weird."

[00:23:34]Like on the inside like dying. And I'd be like, "Yeah, that's that's shit." And then I remember [laughter] being like, "I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm saying these words." Um, and it was just a really interesting time of it's almost like I was splitting. Like I had my like true, sweet, compassionate, natural who I was. And then I was like trying on this other side of me to be rebellious.

[00:24:01]And and it was a ride of passage. And I'm so glad I went through it. And actually I went through it and out the other side by the time I hit 17 when a lot of the other people around me started their own sort of exploring into the rebellion I'd kind of come out the other side and was like well that wasn't for me. I definitely tried that hat on and that didn't feel good. Um but yeah so I wonder if there was like what does that person need from you now at this age?

[00:24:31]>> What can you give them or how can you show up for them? and then maybe they'll stop showing up at the times that they do. It's it's really fascinating work.

[00:24:39]>> But you know the interesting thing in what you're saying is I think I was the exact opposite.

[00:24:44]>> And I think my natural state all the bad all the rebellion all the all of that was very natural for me. I had to try on being good.

[00:24:55]>> She was a baddie >> and so was Rachel.

[00:24:59]>> Oh Rachel. Like that's why our production company is called 1933 is because those were our pager codes and we were these little kind of girls that like had pagers and were you know out in the streets of Los Angeles very young.

[00:25:17]It's true.

[00:25:18]>> I know it is true.

[00:25:21]>> It sounds funny and it >> Olivia was scary though you guys. like the first time I ever even saw a picture of her. She was pointed out to me in a yearbook and I was like that's the scariest most beautiful but like scariest person I've ever seen. Wow.

[00:25:35]>> A toughy.

[00:25:36]>> She was but like her eyes like she just and she presented that way. That's what it was. Like she presented like don't [ __ ] with me.

[00:25:43]>> Yeah.

[00:25:44]>> Wow.

[00:25:45]>> Right. And so that's why I'm saying I think that's more my natural state.

[00:25:50]>> That's so funny. And I think I've abandoned that because I've judged it as negative. But to be honest, I think I could I could harness more of that back into my life.

[00:25:58]>> Yeah, I agree with that because you can utilize it in a different way. I mean, >> that's what I'm learning.

[00:26:04]>> Um Christina that we talk about a lot on our podcast, but she does the she's the one who does the inner child work. And her thing that she was having me do was go and ask exactly what you're talking about, like, you know, oh, what does she need? You know, and it for me at this this one question came upon like we had gone through this like visualization inside and I had gone to this age where there was this little girl and something had happened that was really scary in the front yard and so she was like what does she need? And I was like I don't know like I don't know. And she goes ask her ask her what she needs. And so in my mind in that moment I had like asked her what do you need? and and I was like maybe like a a I don't know if something happened to her puppy. Anyway, so we ended up giving her a puppy in this scenario and she was like so happy about her puppy. Well, TZ, guess what happened? My mom finally listens to the episode. My mom goes, "Do you know what happened to your puppy?" And I go, "Oh my god, no." And I was like, and I don't even know why this came up in that moment cuz I was like, "Did I have a dog? I feel like something happened to a dog." And she goes, "There was a um we lived in this really small town in Eastern Kentucky and it was very, you guys know I grew up super religious, right? So like super religious like a lot and in in Kentucky in this town it was like churches, you know, were the thing and everybody did it." And then there was a satanic devil worshiing church where they did like had like crazy like snakes and all this. Anyway, my mom said that our puppy got stolen by the the satanic church and they were like doing these ritual killings or whatever. She's like, "Your dog got stolen and you were like so sad about it." And we were just like, "I can't, you know, they were just it was a huge thing." And I was like, "I didn't remember that, but I'm like 3 years old."

[00:27:54]>> Are you Did it look at the She heard your dog. [laughter] >> The dog's like, >> and then my mom was like, "That's what happened to your dog." And I was like, Whoa, that's so crazy. So, in this visualization, >> stole your dog and killed it. Like, >> I mean, I don't know. She doesn't know necessarily if it was murdered, but my It was never to be seen again.

[00:28:17]>> But that was during the time of the satanic panic.

[00:28:20]>> Exactly. As well. That's right.

[00:28:21]>> The satanic panic.

[00:28:23]>> Yeah. The elaborate.

[00:28:26]Well, it's where like everyone started panicking about um anyone who was goth back then and listened to heavy metal would often get labeled as like a Satanist. Um, and there's like a extremely famous case. Um, I won't really get into it, but it's called Paradise Lost. And there's this guy called Damian Eckles who him and these two other guys who were the Gothics in the town in umh [sighs] I can't remember Arkansas. Arkansas, >> probably late 80s, >> early 90s, early 90s. And there was a huge satanic panic in the local area. And then these three young men, they were like in their teens. They got wrongfully convicted for killing these three little boys.

[00:29:17]>> It sounds like the West Memphis three.

[00:29:19]That's it. West Memphis three.

[00:29:21]>> The same thing. Oh, okay. I was like, this sounds really familiar. Okay, got it.

[00:29:24]>> Yeah. So, and that's exactly like there was a satanic panic and then it was like this mob mentality where >> they were like, "Well, do you see the clothes? He wears a black trench coat and he wears this and he wears that."

[00:29:37]And then one of them um had um like intellectual disabilities and was there was a coercive it was coercive control by the police officer in the interrogation room and he falsely said that him and his friends did it and then ultimately >> they were found that >> they didn't end up they didn't participate at all and all these huge like rock like these rock stars came out and supported them like just because these guys listen to our music and Johnny Depp came out and supported them and like a bunch of people did and Damian Eckles actually wrote his life story from jail and they ended up accepting an Alfred plea >> which essentially lets the the local government off the hook for wrongfully committing these guys. They don't have to so they can't come after them for any sort of compensation.

[00:30:33]They have to say, "Yes, we are guilty, but we're going to sign that we are guilty, but we're going to say to everyone like we actually are innocent, but by signing this, we're agreeing to guilt, >> which is just like an awful thing, but it was their only way to freedom." So, they ended up taking this Alfred plea.

[00:30:55]And this is how I know so much about Satanic Panic because I watched all of the Paradise Lost documentaries which a trigger warning for people who have children. It's incredibly graphic.

[00:31:07]Unbelievably graphic. Nothing is blurred out and you see things that will haunt you and still haunt me. And so maybe don't watch it.

[00:31:14]>> There was no trigger warning.

[00:31:16]>> Yeah, >> there was no trigger warning. I didn't know. I just started watching these documentaries and I saw what I saw and it's really disturbing. Um, and >> wait, who actually killed the kids? It was >> There's some There's a lot of rumors.

[00:31:29]There's a lot of theories. Yeah.

[00:31:31]>> Um, which I shouldn't get into because I don't >> Right. But >> they haven't obviously innocent till proven guilty, but there are a lot of there are a lot of theories out there about people very close to these boys.

[00:31:42]>> I remember reading a bunch on it, but you know, and just >> Yeah. Yeah. And it was an awful thing.

[00:31:47]And the not only were these three teenage boys, they spent at least 20 years of their life in jail. They had their lives stolen from them because of >> this judgment and including like a mother just made up that she saw them sacrificing these children like just made it up and then later was like I don't know why I just sort of felt the pressure of the community. None of us liked these kids and I just said this thing and I made it up and I like helped implicate these kids and there was no DNA evidence. Nothing linking them to the scene at all.

[00:32:22]>> That's so sad.

[00:32:23]>> It was a really awful thing. But also, there's so much focus on these three teenage guys whose lives were taken away that suddenly the little three 8-year-old boys who were victims of this horrendous crime, not only did they not have justice, the focus is not so much on the victims of this crime anymore, it's on these like other three guys who are also a victim of this situation, >> right? But at the end of the day, there are three little boys whose lives were taken in such a horrendous violent way and there's no justice for them.

[00:32:57]>> And I know anyway, it's a really sad case. Anyway, that is satanic panic, >> which is crazy because that was so I mean, the fact that what that did is after my mom said that, I go, "Oh my gosh." because I was flooded back all these memories. This is why I think it's so important, Olivia, that you're doing this work because then you realize like why you why you took certain turns or did certain things or made certain choices. this satanic panic like you're talking about was so alive and well back then that I was terrified of anything remotely in that vein, you know, and so that I remembered like, oh, anything that wasn't this hardcore religious church that I was involved in or anything outside of the lines of it or like, you know, it just it so guided all of my choices for so long and it was it's crazy because it made me think of all of that. And I was like, after doing some of that work and then after my mom listened and was like, "Oh, do you want to know why you you called you asked for your puppy in that, you know, visualization or whatever?" And I was like, "That's so cuz I couldn't remember if I had a puppy or not." And I was like, I don't know. I feel like something happened to it. [laughter] >> Oh my god.

[00:34:17]>> Isn't that wild?

[00:34:19]>> Wow. That's >> It was It was >> I was really terrified. In fact, even now as someone who was like raised Catholic, my I hide my tarot cards from my mom.

[00:34:31]>> Um I know like she sees them. I know she's seeing them because I can see her clock them and I can see the look on her face shift and change. And I've like tried to be like, "Oh, they're they're only used for good." And but there is this sort of like idea that >> that equals evil. Like if you hear the word witch, that equals evil. That's, you know, and it's funny cuz we're about to interview a witch. And she calls herself a witch. And I was like, she's this witch. We're about to interview her.

[00:35:03]>> But even there's residual I noticed in my body when she was like, "Oh, I noticed that you guys have never interviewed like a real witch before."

[00:35:12]And even just the word I felt this residual young feeling in me being like shying away from the word witch which I could look at and be like oh wow that still exists inside of me. There's that little part of me like that 5-year-old or six-year-old part that like judges the idea of witches and >> right >> I also don't think it helps that I saw I watched that movie witches rald witches >> that is the scariest movie I loved it like I watched it so many times as a kid it is so scary >> it's so where they force the pill into his mouth >> oh my god traumatizing >> so because it was made to be so bad but then I saw I told you I saw this great meme that meme that was like Jesus was the OG witch.

[00:35:56]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:35:57]>> And what does that and what kind of controversy does that bring up in your body if you like hear the word Jesus with which like but if you think about it >> like the miracles and the things that he was you just call it something different.

[00:36:12]>> Yeah.

[00:36:13]>> A miracle versus like a you know whatever >> magical thing that happened.

[00:36:19]>> Yeah.

[00:36:21]Yeah. Olivia was asking that you played a witch, didn't you, TZ?

[00:36:25]>> Yes, [laughter] I did.

[00:36:29]>> I played a witch. And I remember when I knew that I was going to get this job, I was like, how am I going to break it to my mom? And I actually enlisted the help of the author, Deb Harkness, who my mom really respected.

[00:36:47]And I was like, can you because I knew that Deb, like she's like a beautiful, like a holy woman. She's just a gorgeous, beautiful woman. She knows about scriptures. She knows about the Bible. She knows about God and Jesus. I knew she would so beautifully be able to articulate to my mom. And they had a number of conversations throughout the series where I was telling De like, "Oh, it'd be so amazing if you could talk to my mom about this and like make her feel a bit better about the fact that I'm doing this." And I I my mom's so gentle and sweet and kind that she was really supportive on the outside, but I think like every now and then I could just see it on her face. And I think she said a couple of times like I'm not sure that I I'll like this one because not only was there witches in the show, there was also demons.

[00:37:38]So it was like witches and demons and vampires >> and and and they were kind of hot. The demons and the vampires and you're like hot demons.

[00:37:48]>> Wait, so you're a witch but you're hooking up with a vampire.

[00:37:52]>> A vampire.

[00:37:53]>> Yeah. Hanging out with the demons.

[00:37:56]>> I think that's so hot.

[00:37:58]>> It was I feel like it was exposure therapy for her.

[00:38:02]>> Also, listen to that dog. [laughter] >> She's boofing.

[00:38:05]>> What's her name? What's her name?

[00:38:06]>> Maple. Maple. Maple. What the heck? Oh my god.

[00:38:10]>> She really wants to be a part of this podcast.

[00:38:12]>> Like, wait, I heard you talking about witches. We need to I need to get involved.

[00:38:18]>> You know what's funny is my mom was raised to strictly she's boofing you guys.

[00:38:24]>> She's boofing. [laughter] >> It's just like it's not even a proper bark. I'm like, are are your vocal cords okay?

[00:38:31]>> She's a boofer. I call her boofy. Um, but my mom was raised strictly Catholic and she is the most spiritual and loves witches and like totally did a transformation from that to that world, you know, and she's like >> everyone know Friday the 13th is a magical day, you know, like fully embraced it.

[00:38:53]>> Oh, we would love your mom.

[00:38:54]>> Can your mom come on the podcast?

[00:38:57]>> Yes, you would. You would love tarot.

[00:39:01]She studies mantra. She's >> Oh god, that's always fun.

[00:39:06]>> I [laughter] would be curious, Rachel, if she would have a similar reaction to Teresa's mom if you were to one day be like, I'm going born again Christian, if you know what I mean, like, >> yeah. would it bring up? But no, they're against the de like the the the the >> I think anybody close to me would probably have some concern if I was like, you know, [laughter] going that route at this point in my life.

[00:39:34]>> Oh my god.

[00:39:35]>> Uh I mean, just because it's so extreme, you know, and I support anything anyone believes in, like go for it. But it's just that's super extreme for Do has any Have you guys seen False Prophet the do?

[00:39:58]>> Yeah. Wait, which one is that again?

[00:40:00]>> It's that like FLDS.

[00:40:02]>> Yeah, I just watched it.

[00:40:03]>> Oh my god, I just watched it, too.

[00:40:04]>> Wait, did it just come out?

[00:40:06]>> It just came out.

[00:40:07]>> What is it?

[00:40:09]>> Fundamentalist.

[00:40:10]>> False prophet. Fundamentalist latter day.

[00:40:12]>> Trust me. False prophet.

[00:40:14]>> Okay. Oh, trust me. That's it. Yeah.

[00:40:16]Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just watched it. I'm obsessed.

[00:40:18]>> FLDS is the fundamentalist Mormon >> lattice that believes in but they don't Mormons and the FLDS they don't like to be in the same category whatsoever. It's almost >> what's the difference?

[00:40:31]>> Well, one side believes deeply in polygamy. They have a different way of like dressing like they follow a prophet.

[00:40:40]>> Mormon church is a whole different thing. So there's a huge differentiation between the two. U but they broke off you know back in the day I love to read about uh >> you need to watch this docker I know I didn't know this existed but if you look at the history and if you read books on the history of the Mormon church like I have um then you you see that there back in the time of like Joseph Smith they there was a breakoff between two ideals where one of which there was one leader that was very into um and believed deeply about the revelation of like polygamy and there was another um element of the church that did not believe in that and did not think that that was a part of it and so they went in two different directions and it became so extreme.

[00:41:30]This was extreme like what we were watching what Mark and I sat down and watched was >> was so fullon and um you you're watching these people in such deep deep deep faith and belief. Mhm.

[00:41:46]>> Um, and that this prophet or this idea of a prophet, this this guy essentially like fronts that he's the new prophet and like breaks off from the rest of the FLDS community. And anyway, I won't spoil it more. You should watch it. But like watching these girls and they're very young young young girls and uh in their deep deep belief, it reminded me of when I was like so passionately talking to people as a 8 nyear-old little girl, putting scapulas around people's necks as they came out of my classroom. And no wonder I had no friends, by the way. I'm like, "Oh my god, who [laughter] even was I?" I was like giving them all these like blessed miraculous medals and thinking that they were going to go to hell if they did certain things. And I was like very indoctrinated and it but it was the my truth like that was what I just steadfastly believed.

[00:42:51]That was the truth. I felt like all of them unfortunately just weren't leading a life of Jesus and um you know they they have so many sins that they need to go to confession for and and all the things and my judgments of such a young little girl. I was in the Legion of Mary. So I would go with my mom and like give the holy communion to people. or I would sit down on a Thursday night and my part of the Hail Mary, I would say in front of a group of people who had black veils over their head and it was like very intense. Um, >> and I remember telling my stepbros cuz my stepbros did not, they were atheists >> and we would get in the most insane arguments and I was like, "Well, then you're just going to hell and I'm not going to pray for you." Like I was just that it was >> full on. And watching this documentary with Mark, I kept saying like in my version of it like I was I just believed with every part of me. And it wasn't until and some and you know for some of these girls they ended up finding their way out of it and finding a different perspective and and some of them are still in the church and deep in their beliefs. But for me, I like got to a certain point where I just started. My first question was, "But if I was born in a different country >> to different parents, I would really believe that that religion was the one."

[00:44:18]And I remember my mom being like, "No, ours is the correct one.

[00:44:22]>> Unfortunately, all of them have been brainwashed and they they just don't know ours is the one." And then I was like, "But but they feel like theirs is the one. all these other religions, they're like, "No, ours is the wrong is the one and Catholicism is wrong." And when I started asking those questions, that's to me when there was a few little cracks in my belief system. And then it all kind of unraveled for me from there.

[00:44:46]>> And I had to rebuild rebuild some form of spirituality. And I still don't have all the answers, of course. But >> no, we never will. It was interesting because for my mom, you know, who was raised Catholic and then went spiritual, but growing up like >> we never went to church or anything. My dad was Jewish, but then she got really into Hinduism. So, there was a huge chunk of my childhood going to Hindu temples and learning that belief and learning all the the budgeons they sing and like you know all of those things which was like it was just really interesting perspective. So, it kind of gave me the freedom to sort of choose my lane and kind of believe in whatever, which was really cool. And my mom doesn't practice any religion >> um now or whatever. But just kind of her steering away from that when I was a kid was just a cool example of just exploring all beliefs.

[00:45:37]>> Um >> yeah, but she did follow like a guru that might have been a little cultlike for a minute, which she even now was like that was probably a little, you know, not the right thing. But uh but it was still just very eye opening.

[00:45:51][clears throat] >> I find it also fascinating when I was talking when I was doing like a session last week um >> I was asked like about have you explored anything about the divine feminine and I was like I guess I need you to explain more about what you mean by that.

[00:46:10]>> Um because if if I don't have a clear definition of something I'm never afraid to ask >> give me your definition of that. like what do you mean by the divine feminine?

[00:46:19]And then so she was explaining to me a little bit about the divine fe feminine being like you know the women on your mom's side and what's been passed down to you and I was like wow that is such an interesting question that you have for me because I actually don't know much of anything about the women in my mom's side and then she was like what do you mean and so I was like my my grandmother died really young but she also my mom had a very complicated relationship with her um that relationship felt very broken and then the I don't know anything about her mom or the other like I had don't understand the lineage I don't understand now my mom's dad's side I would understand or my dad's mom or any of that but if you're just talking about my mom's side and I was like wow so your divine feminine cuz she was like okay and this is where we're getting to your understanding of the divine feminine your connection.

[00:47:20]She's like, "This is the reason why you're when you're looking." I'm always looking and learning and trying to understand spirituality or like culture connection. And you know, if I see somebody in another culture like being really connected to a certain philosophy or thought system or whatever it is, I'm like, "Oh, wow. That's so amazing."

[00:47:39]Like, "Tell me more about that." Or learning about the spirituality or the universe or any of that. I don't have a deeper connection to that because I don't understand anything about where my that lineage is, you know. So, I found that to be so fascinating because Rachel, you have your mom and you have everything that she sort of and I have my mom of course who I'm super close to, but she also didn't have a connection to any of that. So, like her all she had was religion that her and my dad sort of found themselves in. And so to have a deeper connection to the universe or passing down a recipe from your culture or passing down, oh this is something that my grandmother used to make or my, you know, my mother used to do. Like it's amazing if you start to think about what is your own definition of the divine feminine and what does that look like in your ancestry and your history >> and then how does that inform what what you do and your own family and life now.

[00:48:44]>> Interesting. We just >> Yeah. in this workshop thing, we did this like I think it was like I forget the word like a like a lineage tea ceremonyesque thing. I don't know how to explain it, but but basically we were asked some questions about our lineage and like the names of the the the women on your side and mine stopped at my grandma >> and I was I don't know my grandma's mom's name >> and and I was thinking about it and I was like I've never inquired about my lineage. I've never been interested in it. I've never thought about it. And like the truth is I'm I'm basically like almost 100% Irish, right?

[00:49:35]And then I sat with that for a minute and I was like, that's so wild that I know now why I haven't. And it's like I had this idea that okay, well that's where I got my alcoholism.

[00:49:49]The lineage has always been like I got all these traits, these negative traits from my lineage and never once looked at what are the positive aspects I've gotten.

[00:50:01]>> [clears throat] >> never even connected to like Irish people being seekers and poets and artists and you know souls that you know really wanted to learn more and everything they've been through as a lineage that's running through my DNA never once thought wow there's probably some golds there that I'm overlooking >> and so that was a really interesting thing to look at as far as like wait a minute in our wiring in our epigenetics.

[00:50:32]>> That's right.

[00:50:33]>> They were like, you've in your body, you've killed, you've seen death, you've like everything those people have been through is written and coded into you >> within us.

[00:50:46]>> Yeah.

[00:50:46]>> Yes.

[00:50:47]>> And I've never once been like, who are they?

[00:50:49]>> Yeah. No, I know. That's exactly what I mean. Like, I didn't have that understanding either. And so, and a lot of that when that's broken or when you're when when that's not passed up, like I look at Sonia, our amazing nanny, who who I love and have for 11 years, but I love hearing stories about her grand her obachan in Japan and her mother and growing up and the culture and what they do when someone dies and the like ceremony and the ancestry and how they go back after a year and they do this like celebration of someone's life and like all of these things that culturally really honor those before us. Do we have that?

[00:51:34]>> No, I don't.

[00:51:36]>> That's interesting.

[00:51:38]>> I don't I I know that my um grandma I feel like I just stopped being interested cuz I was so close to my nana Dora.

[00:51:49]But I remember that she told me a story.

[00:51:52]Her mom had five daughters and my nana was a twin. Uh she had a twin sister and they all had really gorgeous names like Peggy and Ivy and Dora and Phyllis and you know those like really gorgeous older names.

[00:52:08]>> Um and her mom once said to my nana when she was like three, "I never wanted you girls." And I remember that Dor, my nana Adora, um, she never like felt wanted by her mother.

[00:52:27]>> And so in my mind, it like stopped there. It just stopped with like, well, >> Dora, my nana, like she's was everything to me. I her and I are so similar. So much of who I am comes from her and she raised me in so many ways. But she had such a fractured relationship with her own mother that it's probably stopped me from looking taking a look at that. And I would like to know what happened to >> my nana's mother to have her be in a situation where she has five beautiful little girls and she treats them the way she treats them. Like what happened in her own life? It'd be really interesting because not only do you you take on um all the beautiful things passed down the beautiful energy. It's like the the trauma the trauma that's imprinted on a family lineage like that also is carried in your cells and in your body. And so it is something to look at as well.

[00:53:31]>> And it's so interesting.

[00:53:32]>> It's like that show. What's that show that like people go into their ancestry?

[00:53:36]>> Oh my god. Yes. I want to go on that show. on that [laughter] so bad >> cuz I'd be like I don't know. I don't know anything.

[00:53:43]>> No idea. I wonder if there's a way.

[00:53:45]There has to be something out there where we could do it and not have to go on that show. But [laughter] like just to really trace the lineage and learn. I think [laughter] >> I know ignorance is bliss is like my life motto. But I think it would be >> but also it's interesting. I love that we started this podcast with cat litter and we've entered and did it in the divine feminine and lineage. Exactly.

[00:54:13]>> Yes. Divine feminism.

[00:54:15]>> Well, that's what you're going to get with broad day. So, when you combine those two paws together, all the all the um >> Well, I love you guys.

[00:54:26]>> Love you so much. And um we we're gonna have to figure out what to call our combined listeners of the broad ideas and the because we have our daisies um our >> broads or do you guys call them your broads?

[00:54:40]>> The broad.

[00:54:44]So thank you to the broadians and the daisies for listening.

[00:54:48]>> What about broad daisies?

[00:54:50]>> Yeah, we could say broad daisies.

[00:54:52]>> We're going to workshop it.

[00:54:54]>> Okay. [laughter] If you guys have any ideas, let us know.

[00:54:57]>> Yes, let us know.

[00:54:58]>> Yeah.

[00:54:59]>> Okay. Well, we love you guys. You can find us on Apple Podcast, Spotify, wherever you get your podcast. We love you, Rachel. We love you, Olivia.

[00:55:06]>> We love you. Love you guys.