The tradwives found their new recruits... teenagers

[00:00:00]Guys, what is this epidemic of 19-year-old tradife [music] content creators?

[00:00:06]>> My morning as a 19-year-old boy.

[00:00:08]>> Get ready with us to go to church with four kids as teen moms.

[00:00:12]>> I got married at 18, and this is the life everyone worries me about.

[00:00:16]>> I'm 19 years old, married, no degree, no 9 to5, and I'm exactly where I want to be.

[00:00:21]>> My ideal voting system would be a one family vote, one household, one vote. I was an 18-year-old triwife who had a baby at the same age and I'm 36 now and I'm here to tell you don't do it. It doesn't work out. Where are they hiding the 47year-old wives?

[00:00:37]>> I think we know.

[00:00:38]>> I've been a stay-at-home mom for the 10 plus years. I have no income. I have no money. Two weeks ago, he told me that he wants to move forward with divorce.

[00:00:48]>> Wife content is propaganda. And women who are most at risk for falling for this propaganda are young women and uneducated [music] women.

[00:00:55]>> Brea makes the bread from scratch. It's the kind of thing they like the Martha to do. A return to traditional values.

[00:01:06]>> Imagine a life where the morning sun spills through linen curtains onto a farmhouse kitchen. Fresh bread cools on the counter and wild flowers sit in a vase you picked at dawn. Your days are free from deadlines spent tending a garden, baking from scratch, and watching your children laugh barefoot through golden fields. And every evening ends around a candle lit table. It's a life of simplicity, purpose, and timeless beauty. Now, imagine the 16-year-old watching this on Tik Tok and believing it's actually real. Well, that is what we're dealing with today.

[00:01:36]Because despite the fact that the leaders of the TRD wife movement have since denounced their titles, the trend hasn't died. The pre-teens watching during this era have been taking note and as they've come of age are taking action. That's right. These girls raised on the teat of millennial girl boss CEOs are doing a complete 180 from their mother's generation. Turning up their noses at the rat race in exchange for a simple domestic life. But it's one that comes with real consequences that they can't simply walk away from when they change their mind. So, let's get into it. the deeper story of how teenage girls got here and why this seemingly idealic lifestyle can be far more dangerous than they realize. [music] Something I've never shared here before is that one of the main reasons why I switched my content over to video essays was because of the tradife trend, which I guess means I owe them a thanks. But either way, it was back in 2022 when I noticed the mom influencer space was beginning to shift. The influencers I watched were slowly changing their video style, creating more content around cooking from scratch, canning and preserving, sewing their own clothes, and ultimately moving to acreages. These were women whose content I'd watched for years, all migrating in the same direction of linen dresses and a sudden urge to own chickens. 235 acres. We farming our own chickens, homie.

[00:03:03]Thousands of chickens. Thousands running around everywhere. Quack, quack, quack.

[00:03:08]>> It felt like such an out of left field change that at the time I didn't expect and honestly couldn't wrap my head around. And I was like, why is no one talking about this? Well, of course, they eventually did as the term traded as a way to categorize this phenomenon.

[00:03:22]But even though the subject of tradives wasn't my first video essay, as the concept was still brewing, it did launch me into exploring other cultural topics, all the while keeping my eye on these little house on the prairieesque women.

[00:03:34]But since then, I figured the discussion of trades was over and done with. Like, we covered it and we understand why some women are turning to this lifestyle. As said here, it's about a return to traditional femininity and an idealized version of womanhood that looks straight out of the 1950s. Soft pastels, vintage dresses, homemade bread, babies carried all day, herb gardens and laundry hanging in the sun, women tidying spotless homes while their husbands work outside. The music is soft, the light is golden, and the message is clear.

[00:04:03]Happiness lives in domestic perfection.

[00:04:05]Cool. Except that wasn't the end of it.

[00:04:08]In fact, as we now know, the movement is growing with a new generation leading the charge. I'm 19 years old, married, no degree, no 9 to5, and I'm exactly where I want to be.

[00:04:20]Let me answer all your questions. Yes, I got engaged at 18, married at 19. I didn't go to college. I don't plan to. I don't have a degree. I don't have a job, and I'm not getting one. I love to cook for my husband. I love to host. I love to run our home. These are things I'm very passionate about. I get asked about this a lot, but me and my husband dated for 6 weeks before getting engaged.

[00:04:42]Also, yes, me and my husband do have an age gap. He is 10 years older than me.

[00:04:46]Something that I really should have seen coming is that this wouldn't stop with millennials and the teens would be next in line to embrace their traditional roles as women. Because for the past 5 years, all this messaging about giving up your independence and dreams to serve your husband hasn't just been served to new moms. It's also reaching the kids on these apps, taking in their algorithms as gospel. Meaning that by the time they turn 18, they already know exactly what they want to do with their lives.

[00:05:12]devoting themselves to a man and having as many babies as they can.

[00:05:15]>> This is the life they warned me about. A small, steady, faithful life that I wouldn't trade for anything. Somehow, it's the most radical choice I've ever made.

[00:05:26]>> Do what you want, but don't pretend it's radical. There's this pattern in right-wing messaging where they try to describe the most traditional, historically dominant, regressive ideas as if they're counterculture, as if they're boundary pushing. But you can't be both radical and traditional. And it's wild to watch dominant ideologies try to rebrand themselves as rebellious.

[00:05:49]It really is. They want to be oppressed so bad. It's weird. But it's an intentional rebrand. It's a strategy to try to make these regressive politics feel fresh, appealing to younger audiences. Say whatever talking points you want, but at least be honest about what they are. You're not forging some new radical path. You're participating in one of the most familiar basic ideologies in America. Now, I do need to clarify that this video is not an attack against stay-at-home moms. After all, I was one. But it is important to say that staying home with your kids can be a beautiful thing and isn't inherently bad. Like, I myself put my ambitions on pause for 5 years during my childbearing years, and I'm incredibly grateful for that time. I also need to say that getting married young isn't necessarily bad or even having kids young, though I definitely have more reservations when we're talking about 19-year-olds here.

[00:06:39]But the problem we are addressing today lies in subscribing to the tradife ideology and lifestyle at an age where you're locking yourself in before you've even been an adult longer than you've been pregnant. We're talking 18, 19, and 20-year-olds buying into one life path that has no return to sender option.

[00:06:58]Because when you go #tradl life with no previous job experience, education if that's something you're interested in, or just hard or soft skills besides needing sourdough, then if anything were to go wrong, you have no backup plan and no way out. So, y'all want to know the scariest thing and it's happening to me now is being a female married. I'm 37. I have two kids. They are five and seven.

[00:07:24]and I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past 10 plus years. I have no income. I have no money. I use my husband's credit card and I use my husband's money. And uh two weeks ago, he told me that he wants to move forward with divorce.

[00:07:44]Um and uh today I I you literally like I used a an American Express credit card for everything. It's got my name on it, but obviously he pays the bill. Uh I He told me he's going to cut it off and I got to like move all the automatic payments and stop using it. And he said, "You need to start using your own card now." What card? [snorts] I don't have a card. That is my card.

[00:08:21]Terrifying. I mean, I feel like a little girl who needs their mommy because I don't know how to take care of myself.

[00:08:30]>> And so, in the name of feminism, I can't just idally sit back and watch these girls hand over their autonomy and their future to a man. Not because they shouldn't have the choice to do what they want if that truly is what they want, but because they've been brainwashed by tradife influencers who are selling them a fairy tale fallacy.

[00:08:47]And while we all think my man would never betray me, the reality is that this does happen to a lot of women. So, as an act of sisterhood, we should all be protecting ourselves knowing that some of us will be the unlucky ones.

[00:09:00]Unfortunately, that doesn't mean don't marry the man and don't have the kids, but have a monetizable skill set to have a bank account in your name, build your own credit score, have your own retirement account, and have a support system outside of your marriage. all things that are simple enough but actually counter the tradife movement believe it or not because even if you never end up needing it if we all get on board with this then nobody gets screwed over. A lot of these trades are in my comments talking about my man loves me.

[00:09:27]He would never do that to me. Lucifer loved God. He still betrayed him. That's the thing. You can't be like my man would never my man would never. My man would never. Check the comments. These men be never like a [ __ ] I mean, honestly, honestly, and the institution of marriage, I I am married.

[00:09:44]I've been married for seven years to a wonderful equal partner who is an amazing guy, an amazing dad, but I'm not stupid enough to not have a job because if he left me tomorrow, I don't want to have to rebuild my life. JUST SAYING. I DON'T WANT TO have to rebuild my life.

[00:10:00]It's one thing to have confidence in your partner, and I do have a high degree in confidence with my partner and of my partner, but I'm not delusional and I'm not stupid. Okay, I'm not a fool. I understand that things happen.

[00:10:12]People change. Life is a constant motion of evolving. People are always evolving.

[00:10:18]So why would I put my trust in in in a man? And what these um young tribe wives don't understand is that you are a choice to that man. And he can make a choice to keep you or he can make a choice to leave you. and the fact that you are willing to gamble your life in your 40s and your 50s and your 60s on being a choice for a man girl. In the words of this exw wife Olivia, she says, "I caution women who are trades because their whole lives depend on a man's love. It's all sunshine and daisies in the beginning, but they could end up like me. I wish I had gone to college and made a plan to be independent. When I got divorced, I had nothing. No career, no life skills, and no credit.

[00:11:00]You all know there are no old trdwives, right? I really appreciate this week Jessica Valente and a bunch of other creators asking the question, "Where are all the old triedwives?" Because they really don't exist. Triedwives age out usually in their mid to late 30s. They get swapped out with younger models.

[00:11:16]They get left. They decide to leave.

[00:11:19]They deconstruct. This is interesting timing because Hannah Neilman just gave an interview in which she wore jeans.

[00:11:25]She talked about how she doesn't consider herself awife influencer. She uses a staff and she's actually a CEO.

[00:11:31]This is an important career shift for her. It's very savvy and someone who needs to keep evolving and understanding that her relevance is going to change because she's at that critical age. And you can see the wear and tear if you're looking at wife influencers. Someone who is the mother of nine is not as freshfaced and young and vital as what they really want to recruit, the 20-year-olds who are fertile and who can breed for the movement. But it is understandable why these teenagers would pursue the tradife dream because it looks just so picture perfect, doesn't it? For teenage girls, tradife videos can feel calm, beautiful, and safe.

[00:12:06]These videos lap into a universal longing for belonging, simplicity, and connection, feelings that most of us crave. Some creators even frame feminine submission as empowering, suggesting that choosing to stay home, depend on a husband, or reject careers is an act of liberation. The message can sound freeing, but it blurs the line between choice and pressure. And because Tik Tok's algorithm feeds users more of what they already watch, just a few curious views can quickly fill a teen's feed with similar content, making it seem as if everyone is living that way or wants to >> a job. I don't want to be a corporate girly. I don't want to climb the ladder.

[00:12:42]I don't want to be a boss babe. I don't want to do any of that. I don't want [clears throat] to be the bread winner.

[00:12:45]I do not want to do that.

[00:12:46]>> And that's the problem here is that the lifestyle they're selling is fake. Or at least not the whole story. All the slow mornings, sipping coffee, baking bread with a baby on your hip, hanging 100% cotton laundry on the clothes line in your backyard, and cheersing drinks with your toddler at your weekly coffee shop dates is the epitome of the motherhood highlight reel. Because while all those moments in isolation are beautiful, the bigger picture is what always gets left out. The truth is that to take on this role, for the most part, means giving up your autonomy, at least while your kids are young. So today I thought I would share with you my top three phrases that help to get me through those hard days and remember you've got this mama.

[00:13:27]Phrase number one, [ __ ] my life. One is more under the breath. Phrase number two, I can't do this. You haven't had your needs met and over I can't even tell you is an excellent time to say I can't do this. Phrase number three and my personal favorite is a man could never. Be clear most men can. But there's a certain level of brokenness that only a woman can understand. And it's because of everything we're carrying when everything is going on all at once, swirling like a cyclone. A man could never. Like, there's a reason the catchphrase for motherhood is the days are long, but the years are short.

[00:14:07]Because there's nothing more character building than becoming a mother. Every day is a long list of the same tasks on repeat with nothing to really show for it at the end of the day. Same loads of laundry are folded, dirtied, and folded again. The same meals are cooked and cleaned a minimum three times a day. The same toys picked up on the same floor 10 times a day just to be dumped out again when you turn your back. I like to say it's as if you're in fight or flight all day long, just trying to keep the children alive and going from one chaotic moment to the next. And then all of a sudden, it's 5:00 p.m. and the house looks like you haven't put an ounce of effort into keeping it tidy.

[00:14:43]All the while, there's no promotions, no performance reviews, unless you count children screaming at you for opening their yogurt for them because they wanted to open it. There's no paycheck, and there's no clocking out. It's just an endless loop of invisible, thankless labor that resets itself every single morning, building to a whole life of nothingness, which I understand is the most depressing view of it. [laughter] And I don't mean to frame it that way.

[00:15:07]I'm just saying that is the other side of it. Being a stay at home mom is honestly the closest thing to feeling like you're going insane. It's the same routine every single day. Same messes, same tantrums, same tiny arguments over absolutely nothing. You're overstimulated. You're bored at the same time, which should not even be possible.

[00:15:26]It's wild because people talk about it like it's this peaceful, soft lifestyle.

[00:15:30]No, it's not. I assure you there are plenty of wonderful moments that make up for all this sacrifice. But I'm just trying to give a better picture that having a child isn't just going about your life as per usual with a sweet pea snuggled in your carrier. It's a neverending Groundhog's Day where you have to fight for any spare moment for yourself. One of the funniest debates on here to me is what's a harder job, working blue collar or being a stay-at-home mom? Personally, I've done both. I work blue collar now and I've been a stay-at-home mom when my son was really little. And men will go to war to be like, I work 96 hours. My job is harder. I don't know about you guys, but my job, we can work a 96 hour work a 96-hour week. We ain't working 96 hours.

[00:16:18]We're getting paid for 96 hours. We ain't working 96 hours. Now, would I do it again? Absolutely. Those years are so special. But was it also the most mentally numbing, grueling thing I've ever done? Also, yes, [laughter] like when the extent of your mental activity is reading toddler board books, you go a little crazy. And of course, this doesn't go for all moms. While yes, the tasks are for the most part the same, some say that they genuinely love every aspect of it. I don't know any of them personally, but I hear they exist. But this is my worry with these teenage trad wives that they're going into it expecting rainbows and butterflies and this is a natural woman's role only to eventually realize that they don't actually feel fulfilled in it and cope by either saying that they just need to learn to love it or realize that they were fed a fantasy all along. When you tell little girls that the most important thing they can do is grow up and get married and have children, you're doing a disservice to them. You sit down and you have little girls write letters to their future husbands and you tell them this is the most important thing they'll ever do. It's going to make you the happiest and then you do it and you're not happy. And so again, you think there's something wrong with me.

[00:17:30]It's a me problem. And how do we know this? Well, because the tradives of years past are speaking out and sharing their stories as a warning to the up and cominging generations. Going back to Olivia's experience referring to her trad husband, she says, "He didn't use the term trad, but that's what he wanted. I felt like a slave. He expected me to keep the house clean while caring for our baby. He got mad if he came home and toys were around if I didn't wear makeup and have my hair done." He would ask why. After he cheated multiple times, they got divorced and she got no alimony. Brad lives in a comfortable home thanks to his well-paying job.

[00:18:06]Olivia lives in a trailer. To switch gears real quick, I can't move on without talking about the book Yester year. If you haven't heard of it, I would highly recommend checking it out if you're looking for a really good read. It's not very often that I get to read a fiction book in preparation for a video. And oh my god, did you know how fun it is to read fiction? It's so exciting. But if you don't know the premise of Yester Year, it follows a hugely successful tradife influencer with a perfect life, a cowboy husband, and smiling children. And then one day she wakes up in 1855 and has to face what a traditional life actually looks like. How riveting, am I right? So obviously I really enjoyed it. But I specifically found a lot of value in the insight of what it's actually like to live in the tradife world because even though it is a work of fiction, the book still speaks to real influences behind this corner of the internet like religious, familial, and social pressures. Like in the way that as much as the main character Natalie is a very unlikable, self-absorbed, hypocritical liar, it shows how many women may get to this point out of desperation, often acting on survival. What made this book so interesting for me is that it wasn't just showing how dangerous those beliefs are. It shows how those beliefs are packaged into something that's emotionally appealing. Because the fantasy that Natalie is selling isn't, you know, women should lose their autonomy. It's simplicity, certainty, purpose, family, devotion, order. It humanized her so much that by the end of it, I really just felt bad for Natalie for how her life unfolded, even though she really was a woman hating. Because at the end of the day, like a lot of these real trad wives, she was just trying to keep her head above water in the trenches of motherhood and maintain at least the image of having a little bit of dignity along the way. So, go check that book out if you haven't read it yet. But moving on.

[00:20:02]Okay, so let's go a bit further and dissect how we got here besides the irresistible aesthetic of it all. to do.

[00:20:08]So, I want to bring up one Tik Tok in particular of a teenage wife, Lily, who shares her point of view on all of this.

[00:20:14]I am 19 years old. I got married a week after I turned 18 and I had my baby on my 19th birthday. I've seen people around my age infantilizing themselves.

[00:20:24]Like, I'm 18 and I can't even cook for myself. And I'm just going to say it, you should know how to do that. You should know how to cook. You should know how to clean. It has set lower expectations on young adults. And I think that's a problem.

[00:20:37]>> Now, I want to hone in on one aspect of that, which is this idea that we have infantilized the newest generation, which I do agree with for a certain bunch of them. In a lot of ways, millennials have gentle parented too close to the sun, removing all barriers in childhood that build resilience. I did do a whole video on this, which I will link below, but when these coddled kids grow up and enter adulthood, they have no capacity to handle hardships or failure. It's also important to note that this inability to grow up isn't about reaching traditional adult milestones that have all been dismantled with the death of the American dream, like going to college or buying a house or, as Lily says, settling down and getting married. Rather, it's a rejection of the responsibilities that are required of you when you emerge from the handholding of childhood and into the independence of standing on your own two feet. As said here, between ages 6 and 12, children are learning that effort produces results. They build things, solve problems, and discover what they're capable of. When that process goes wrong, whether through harsh criticism or repeated failure or lack of encouragement, the result is a deep lingering sense of inferiority. The child learns that trying is dangerous because failing feels devastating. But while we see this as a growing trend with kids these days, the refusal to grow up is far from a new concept. All the way back in 1983, psychologist Dan Kylie was slapping the label of Peter Pan syndrome on young adults based off the fictional character who refused to leave Neverland, remaining in childhood forever. As the name suggests, this condition describes adults who resist growing up, chronically sidestepping the responsibilities, emotional demands, and accountability that are expected from this stage of life. But here's the thing. The argument Lily is making is not the one she thinks she's making.

[00:22:22]Because while she's right about kids not wanting to take on the responsibilities of adulthood, she fails to realize that the teenage trades as a whole are in the exact same camp. Instead of engaging in the real world, the tradife relieves herself of the rat race, offloading those responsibilities to their husbands. They love domesticity, a simple life you might say, where instead of engaging with an adult world perceived as hostile, unstable or unrewarding, you outsource the risk of independent adulthood to someone else, i.e. your husband, who becomes both the provider and a buffer against the world.

[00:22:57]My husband plans and takes care of everything. I don't know a damn thing about car insurance, about health insurance, bills. I know nothing about it, nor do I want to know anything about it. He takes care of everything.

[00:23:11]Absolutely everything.

[00:23:12]>> And there's also a name for the Trad Husband's role in it all, which is just as fitting, called Wendy Syndrome. The person in this role compensates for the Peter Pan adults avoidance by overfunctioning, managing finances, making decisions, absorbing emotional labor that should be shared. It looks like love. It functions like a ceiling.

[00:23:31]The Peter Pan teenage girls gravitate towards these partners who take on the caretaker role, managing logistics and problem solving of the adult world on their behalf. Masked as an attempt to retreat to the little house on the prairie of it all, they are fulfilling an alternative version of a Peter Pan syndrome. Not in the way of laziness, as we know, being a mom is a lot of work.

[00:23:52]but through retreating into an imagined simpler and safer existence.

[00:23:56]>> I've seen a lot of talk about the [laughter] 18-year-old like trades. And I've seen a lot of women, very feminist women do these takes on it. And I think it's so sweet that so many women care so much to like warn these trans wife women and warn these women that have like literally no safety net at all and are highly likely to be [ __ ] over so hard. But y'all, they don't want to be saved. And so the dependency that they once put on their own parents has just been transferred onto their husbands, allowing them to go through life without developing the typical skill sets of adulthood like decision-making, financial literacy, global awareness, and the ability to navigate a workplace environment. And as a cherry on top, they're even willing to give up their rights because you don't need them anyway. There's no better example of this than the insane movement of women wanting to give up the right to vote. seriously can't believe we're having this conversation in 2026. But if you haven't heard, women don't want that stressful responsibility of voting anymore when they can just let their husbands take on the tricky decision.

[00:25:07]Savannah Stone, a relatable 21-year-old conservative tradife, is the most recent advocate for this.

[00:25:13]>> One household, one vote.

[00:25:14]>> Even though she's only been old enough to participate in one presidential election so far, she's decided women don't need this. I don't know. I just don't [music] think this is like right for me. I don't want to do it. Like I can't take the pressure of it, but don't you think any job interview, >> which is obviously so unhinged, but I seriously don't know how they think this can be a good idea. Like I understand where they're coming from in the sense that it's not damaging for women because both the husband and the wife are making the decision together. Like that's their reasoning and it's just that the man actually casts the vote. But this is assuming that all men keep their wives best interest at heart. Like it's just so unrealistic and just blatantly wrong to think that there won't be a group of men who abuse this power, ignoring their wives opinions and just vote however they want. Like you have to know that there's still bad people in the world, right? Hello. This is my formal petition to deport all the useless trades of America um to Afghanistan and then in exchange we allow Afghan women into this country so they can live freely. Since the trad wives don't act freely from their husbands, let's go give them husbands that will really want them to serve them, you know. Anyway, I had to rant about that a little bit, but the point of all this is that the ultimate infantilization of young adult women would be to give them the same rights as children as to not worry their pretty little heads with silly things like voting.

[00:26:38]And you know what? I don't blame these girls for wanting to choose live, laugh, labbotomize over taking the responsibilities of the real world because same girl. Like I can also get so overwhelmed trying to balance motherhood and life as it takes a lot to care for an entire household, let alone yourself. And so I've recently chosen to outsource some of that help to make sure I can be my best self. Starting with my nutrition. Ever since I turned 30, I've noticed some aspects of my body and energy levels are changing more than ever. and I want to be really intentional about how I'm fueling my body to help maintain my health and strength. So, I started meeting with a registered dietitian who's been helping me navigate this because honestly, in today's day and age where there's a new health trend every week, it can feel really overwhelming trying to figure out what's actually good advice and what is just a scam. And I'm actually doing this through the Nourish app, who is partnering with me on today's video. And through their app, I got matched with actually the perfect registered dietitian. She's also a mom of young kids, so she knows the exact struggle of trying to take care of ourselves amidst the chaos. And we've been able to make a plan together on how to create sustainable food habits that are easy to implement and prioritize maintaining muscle mass and cognitive ability in this new decade of life. It's so convenient, too, with everything in the app between food logs, meal recommendations, and even ordering blood work. The best part is that you can meet for $0 out of pocket as Nourish accepts hundreds of plans across 50 states. And with their Nourish guarantee, your appointment will never cost more than the initial estimate. So if you want to eat better and feel good, it just takes under 5 minutes to sign up for your first appointment with Nourish, which is always covered. Just use my link in the description.

[00:28:23]Okay, to peel back another layer of this feminist hating onion, the other reason why so many teenagers are subscribing to the tradife life is because they look to their future and all the options available to them. And a lot of these options just don't look very good. Like they see millennial women who are essentially working two full-time jobs between office life and motherhood, and it doesn't look appealing. As much as we want to empower women, saying that they can have it all, the career and the children, it's just not realistic most of the time because there's always a compromise. The common dilemma every working mom knows is that you're either killing it at motherhood, killing it in your career, or taking care of yourself, but never all three at once.

[00:29:02]>> The reason why the tradife became appealing was because a lot of the the bill of goods that a lot of modern women were sold didn't feel to be working out.

[00:29:10]You know, it's really hard to have it all. It's really hard to afford child care in America, let alone to work and and be with your kids in any meaningful way. And so I think realizing this pain point that women are so up against it right now and that the two options we've been given are not acceptable. And and I think that there's a lot to find in common with those two options and a lot of common ground for women to find as opposed to those women being pitted against one another. I think that those women really are in a shared and mutual struggle.

[00:29:40]>> And while we're all trying to improve this impossible conundrum, we're just not there yet. Like recently, the Swedish Environmental and Climate Minister Romina, I won't try and pronounce her last name, but she brought her baby to an EU environmental meeting as an act of breaking barriers for mothers, showing it's possible to be a present minister and a present mother.

[00:30:00]And I thought it was really inspiring, but also not yet the reality for most moms. I think a lot of people don't want to admit that the cure for these 19-year-old tradives is to actually let women do meaningful work with their children on their backs. And I keep seeing responses like, "You don't have to do this, girls. You could be like me.

[00:30:19]I'm a 25-year-old lawyer, doctor. If that's what you want to do, then great."

[00:30:23]These other child wives and to me when I see that stuff, I'm thinking, okay, how am I going to fit my children into that lifestyle? these hyper girl boss lifestyles, they don't make any room for children.

[00:30:34]>> One of the problems with being a modern working mom is that it isn't a two-way street with working dads, also known as just dads. Because the expectation on women is so much higher that you're supposed to win the bread and bake it, too. And I didn't come up with that phrase. It's actually from this research paper where they talk about the double standard of female bread winners. Our paper provides evidence that men's inability or unwillingness to do home production may play a substantial role in both what is holding women back in the labor force market and in why relative earnings matter so much for marriage. Thus, the next frontier of gender equality may be encouraging men to lean in at home, including teaching home production skills and changing norms about task provision from a young age. Women are frequently accused of being gold diggers by men, but I very rarely see men called out for what they really are, which are labor diggers. Ask a man to describe his dream woman and he will describe a domestic servant who loves to stay home and cook and clean.

[00:31:29]And what they're saying here isn't just that men aren't doing enough chores because they're so busy at work, but that they aren't even playing by their own set of rules as to why women take on so much domestic labor in the first place. Traditionally, the justification for women handling the household was that men worked all day, right? So the domestic labor became her responsibility by default. But now that women are also working all day and sometimes even making more money than their male partners, the women are still expected to carry the majority of the household responsibilities.

[00:31:59]>> Men today will be like, I will die for you. I will go to war for you. Like okay, love that. But will you wash a dish for me? seen here. 50% of successful married women are primarily responsible for meal preparation compared to only 9% of their husbands.

[00:32:16]And 51% take time off from work to care for a sick child compared to only 9% of their husbands. Career women also contribute an average of 11 hours a week to managing and executing household chores and responsibilities, which constitutes 61% of the total time spent on these weekly chores in their homes.

[00:32:33]Now, I do also have to say this is not all men, of course. Like there are plenty of men who carry their fair share of responsibility, but as we can see in the data, they are the exception to the rule and are far outweighed by the men who don't. So with all that in mind, how I see it is that these teenagers are confronted with two paths ahead of them.

[00:32:53]One sun-kissed storybook inspired Sound of Music life or the drudgeries of girl boss life filled with missed recital, forgotten appointments, and a house that is never actually clean. and the constant feeling that you're failing at everything at once. In this light, it's obvious which path they would choose.

[00:33:11]Which brings me to the recent season of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. While I haven't watched the series because I don't have Disney Plus, I do keep up with the drama because the premise of the show is so interesting. But last year specifically, a new conflict came to light for these women as the success of the show has given rise to real careers that don't fit neatly into the Mormon mom box that they're supposed to be confined to. And how the husbands in the show responded to this was really telling. In one scene, Whitney Levit expressed to her husband that she's feeling like a bad mom for pursuing her dreams and not spending enough time with her kids. And this is how her husband responded.

[00:33:47]>> I'm feeling like the worst mom. I'm trying to do it all right now. And I feel defeated. I just don't feel like I've been as present and have been showing up for my kids like how I would like to.

[00:33:57]>> You don't need to worry about that. I have that covered. I promise.

[00:34:02]Simultaneously, Jen Affleck, in the midst of her success, was confronted by her husband, essentially guilt- tripping her for not being home more.

[00:34:11]>> See, I don't want you to feel mom guilt, but like our kids do miss you. I try my best to have a nurturing side of like I'm not I'm not mom.

[00:34:19]>> Yeah, you're feeling mom guilt. Well, yeah, cuz I can't be mom. I can't do it like you do it. I can't do it totally right because I'm a man and I'm not meant to be with kids all day. I'm meant to be doing what you're doing, which is building a career and building an identity outside of the home. And so, yeah, there's really only so much I can do while you're gone, Jen. Weaponized incompetence to a tea. I'm trying, but I'm just not that nurturing. Guess what?

[00:34:47]A lot of women don't feel naturally that nurturing either, Zach. But guess what?

[00:34:52]We do it. Suffice to say, I was so angry by this. But it goes to show the double standard for many women trying to make a name for themselves or just find purpose in work outside of the home. Because no matter what you do, it will never be enough unless you're embracing your homemaker role wholeheartedly with smile on your face and the smell of fresh bread in the air. This is the world teenage girls are faced with, one that doesn't appreciate the work that they do either way. So, you might as well labbotomize yourself cosplaying as Ann of Green Gables and frolic off into the sunset.

[00:35:30]Okay, so the last thing I want to do real quick is completely dismantle the whole traditional household hierarchy, or at least I'm going to try. So, whenever a try talks about their role in the household, it always comes down to a man's role is to lead and the woman's role is to serve, right? Like the whole idea is that the man is the head and the woman is the neck. And I just think that's so silly because who told us that? A man.

[00:35:52]>> If women were naturally submissive, they would have submitted by now. God knows we have taken every measure to make women just obey. And they just keep like the Terminator getting back up and fighting again and again and again. Like you know, I've seen countless manosphere podcasts talking about how we just cannot train these hoes. Uh, [laughter] now listen, if your reasoning for this is because the Bible says so, I'm not going to tell you you're wrong.

[00:36:19]>> But I will say for one that this idea that the man is the head of the traditional household in which he's barely present in is pretty silly. Like, sure, I understand back in the day when women didn't have any rights and the man ran the household because it was also the business, farm, the shop, or whatever it was, then it would make sense to say that they were leading the family. But in today's day and age, that's not the case. In the modern tradife household, the women typically does all the cooking, the meal planning, the cleaning, the organizing, running the extracurriculars, homeschooling, and adapting the house as the kids grow. And the man works, maybe mows the lawn every once in a while, but like, how is he the head of the household when he doesn't even know what the f is going on in the house? You know, like I swear, ask one of these men what size shoes their kids wear and that will tell you real quick who's actually running the show here. I just really want a husband that's going to like lead me and lead our household.

[00:37:14]So real. Like I don't want to plan the meals. You can make them. Oh, no. No.

[00:37:17]That's not what I mean. That's my job.

[00:37:19]He I just want him to like lead the household. Oh, like plan events and like manage the kids and like that kind of thing. No, no, no. That's management.

[00:37:27]That falls to me. He leads. I'm still What is he leading? I'm lost. That is why I think it's so silly to offload all the family decision-making to the man who has the final say in the matter when he doesn't know what the family needs.

[00:37:40]Like, you're really going to let Tyler pick what house you're going to buy when he isn't aware of the day-to-day logistics of the household, like which rooms get used the most and need to be prioritized in the layout, how much extra storage you need, which neighborhood offers the amenities you frequent most, or even where you'll need to put up baby gates. Like, yeah, you can tell him, but that's my point. Women are running the household and yet the men get the credit for leading it.

[00:38:03]>> If you ever find yourself scrolling through wife Tik Tok, one thing you'll notice really quickly is tribe wives never refer to their husbands by name.

[00:38:12]It's always the husband my husband or hubby. But they don't even mention their husband's first names. And after a quick thought experiment, I've realized why they do this. And it's because calling their husbands by their names would remind us the viewer that he's ultimately just some guy. And once we remember that he's just some guy, everything about the aesthetic falls apart. It becomes so unserious. Like take the statement, I believe it's my duty to obey and submit to my husband.

[00:38:44]Sounds serious, right? Even if you don't agree with it, sounds archaic, medieval, high stakes. Now take the statement. I believe it's my duty to submit to and obey Keith.

[00:38:58]Keith? [laughter] You married a Keith? The man you're submitting to is Keith. We all know a Keith. We all know some guy named Keith.

[00:39:08]No one should be submitting to a Keith.

[00:39:09]Even if he is your husband. Keith isn't a king. Keith isn't [laughter] the lord of the manor. That's Keith from accounting. you let Keith from accounting talk to you like that.

[00:39:20]>> As an offshoot of this, the idea that men take on this role because they are natural leaders is just blatantly wrong.

[00:39:27]It's just what the patriarchy has fed us for so long that we've taken it as gospel >> are better leaders. I'm wondering when that starts, okay? Because it's not when they're babies and they're toddlers. Cuz we all know girls do everything first.

[00:39:39]And when your girl does something first, like let's say she starts talking first, reading first, potty training, whatever it is, they're like, "It's cuz you have a girl. That's why." Okay, then we get into elementary school and boys are misbehaving way more than girls and everyone's like, "Boys will be boys."

[00:39:53]Like, it's cuz they're young boys. Okay, so they're obviously not the best leaders at that age. Then we get to high school. I don't know if anyone remembers, no boys ever helped with group projects. I did them all. So, I wouldn't really say they were leading the group projects either. And then when you get your license, boy's insurance is way higher because they have way more dangerous driving incidents, reckless driving, uh, drinking and driving, all of the things. So, I wouldn't really say like they're leading that either. And then when you get to university, it's been shown that women are better with money, they're better at budgeting, they're better at tracking their finances, all of the things. So, I'm just wondering when do they take that leap? But I have yet to find one time in a man's life that they're shown to be better leaders than women. Cuz it's not when they're infants. It's not when they're elementary school age. It's not when they're in high school. It's not at college. So, when is it? Is it like as soon as they graduate? It's just like they're good leaders now. Like, and it doesn't take a genius to realize this, right? Character traits like multitasking, empathy, weighing long-term consequences, fairness, and democratic decision-m are things that we can all agree make for great leaders and are typical strengths of women. Said here, "As for job performance skills, women get higher marks than men in all of the measures tested. standing up for one's principles in the face of political pressure, being able to work out compromises, keeping government honest, and representing the interests of people like you. Even when looking at surveys of the people, we see that Americans believe women have the right stuff to be political leaders. When it comes to honesty, intelligence, and a handful of other character traits they value highly in leaders, the public rates women superior to men. But what do we always hear when questioning women's leadership abilities? That's right.

[00:41:29]Women are too emotional. Meaning what exactly? too empathetic, like we actually care and that's our biggest downfall.

[00:41:35]>> People will say women are too emotional to be leaders because men have convinced the world that anger is not an emotion.

[00:41:40]I will never get over the evil genius of the patriarchy for rebranding men's anger as power and women's anger as hysteria. A 2021 study and scientific reports observed the regular emotions of 142 men and women. Researchers found that the emotional fluctuations of male participants were similar to those of female participants. As you can see, men are just as emotional. It often just comes out in different ways, like in the form of anger. And yet, that's seen as a strength, not a huge flaw in their ability to make rational decisions. If women are more emotional than uh than men, why are men so significantly more likely to engage in emotionally driven behaviors? Violent crime, men, 92%.

[00:42:20]Drunk driving, reckless driving, men.

[00:42:24]Self-aling, 72%, men. Going to therapy to deal with your emotions, women.

[00:42:29]scoring higher on EQ tests, which is just an academic way to understand how fit you are for dealing with your emotions. Women are higher on average.

[00:42:38]>> Okay, rant over. Let's take a moment and let men get their panties out of a knot.

[00:42:42]The point of this isn't to hate on men or say that there are bad leaders and women are better than men. I'm just trying to dismantle the idea that men are by default better rulers just because they've strongarmed their way into that role for centuries. Like, the answer isn't a Barbie style takeover of the government.

[00:43:01]though I wouldn't complain but that both men and women bring different strengths to the table and the best outcome is if we have a balance of both genders in leadership roles. Like obviously why isn't that obvious? But the same goes for how to run a household. In my opinion, everyone should just be playing to their strengths. That means the husband leading where he's best and the woman leading where she's best. calling it what it is without watering it down by saying you're serving your husband.

[00:43:34]Okay, final thoughts. [music] Um, so I do get pretty riled up about topics like this. I'll have you know that I do love men. I just hate bad men. They grind my gears. I saw a Tik Tok recently. It was saying that women who hate men the most have the best husbands. And I feel like I fall in that camp. I don't hate men the most, but I do have the best husband. So, what does that say about me? [laughter] But anyway, back on topic. These girls, these teenage wives are just doing their best with the information given to them. So, we can't blame them for anything. Like, there's so much trife propaganda in their feeds.

[00:44:09]If you look for it, you will find it real quick. My feed is now all wife propaganda because I've been researching for this. And it honestly would be so beautiful if that was really what a traditional life looked like. Like I would also love to frolic in the fields, but that's just not the reality. So, the most important thing we can do is try and warn them and hope for the best.

[00:44:30]That is all I have for you today. Make sure you subscribe if you haven't and check out the merch. All the proceeds go to the SA Foundation, which help women get out of the trafficking trade. And I wish you a week of exercising your rights as a woman. Bye.

[00:44:43]>> I got told today um basically to be nicer. There someone said to me, a woman mind was like, "It costs nothing to be nice." Okay. It cost nothing to be nice.

[00:44:52]And you know what? I respectfully disagree. I think it cost has cost us a lot cuz we've always been nice. We're taught to be nice as women. Oh, you have to be nice. And it has gotten us absolutely [ __ ] nowhere. In fact, I dare say it's put us in danger. So, I'm starting a petition where I don't think we should be nice. I think we should be kind. I think everyone should be kind.

[00:45:09]Man, woman, child. Kindness is fundamental. But niceness, unless you prove to me that I should be nice to you, if we're nice to each other, fine. But other than that, get [ __ ]