Episode 138 - Psycho or Genius - I Fled From a War😢 - Feat Miss Santos

Añadido: 2026-05-10

[00:00:06][music] [music] >> On the 30th of May, we have the live Rated Show at the O2 Forum in Kentish Town. What were you telling me, Mandem?

[00:00:40]You can go on livenation.co.uk or you can go on my link tree or Chris's [music] link tree or you can go on the O2 Forum.

[00:00:49]Chris is going to be there in person.

[00:00:52]We've got some surprises as well. We've got some special guests coming down on the night. Go and grab your tickets and we'll [music] see you on the 30th of May. Respect. That I know. Ratings. Big up yourself. Love [music] you.

[00:01:02]Love you.

[00:01:06]>> [music] >> Okay. Yeah. Even if it's a line, I can add it. You know what I mean?

[00:01:11]>> Yeah. Like I've got this like big girl joke. And I talk about and I just keep adding more big stuff to the girl.

[00:01:18]>> And just making it more fatter.

[00:01:20]Excuse the pun.

[00:01:21]But yeah.

[00:01:26]Do you like big women? Who? I saw something in a link and it said everyone's got a sneaky fat link.

[00:01:32]A sneaky fat link? Is that the truth? I do you know what? I I remember I did I have slept with big girls before. I don't I ain't got a problem with big girls.

[00:01:39]>> Yeah, that's what I said. But it depends how big though. They can't BE SMELLY BIG.

[00:01:43]>> [laughter] >> YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[00:01:52]IT GOES FROM THICK TO thick to >> [laughter] >> big to smelly big. Oh, why? YOU LOOK THICK.

[00:01:59]YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? GET UNDER THE ROAD.

[00:02:01]>> [laughter] >> I DON'T I DON'T IN FACT, I PREFER WOMEN with a bit of size on them.

[00:02:06]>> meat. Yeah, I prefer meat. I prefer And what what's weird what I don't understand about women I saw a girl put up a post yesterday and she said, "Oh, people don't understand what it's like to be the biggest girl in the group."

[00:02:21]But I'm like, "Why is that a problem?

[00:02:23]That's normally the most attractive one.

[00:02:25]The one who's got a bit of size on her."

[00:02:27]No.

[00:02:28]I'm saying to men No. The one who's got who's who's shapely. The one that's slimmest the men go for. No, but everybody have a different preference. Can I just say can I just say it depends on what environment you're in? On holiday?

[00:02:40]>> If you're If you're in a white middle class environment, they're going for the skinny ones. If you're in a roadman thing, they're going for the thick things. Do you get what I'm saying? So it just depends on >> She was definitely road. Road, okay.

[00:02:52]Well, then >> Actually, no, that's a lie. That's a lie. That's a lie. She wasn't. I feel like it depends and then and everyone's got taste as well. Like it depend who depends That's what I'm saying. I would I would say that like what people would date to in front of their friends.

[00:03:05]>> Yeah. So like if you're in a middle class environment and you go to like these like white places, like they will look for the slimmest girl because they think that's what their friends like, "Oh, she's fit, mate." But there could be one person in that group that would want a big fat girl. But because >> They won't say it, though.

[00:03:21]>> to it. Yeah, their friends. Cuz a lot of the times we date girls for what our friends like. We don't actually date what >> Back in the day. Yeah, back in the days.

[00:03:30]We used to date just so in case you get props. Yeah. But why don't you just date who you like? Because Why you follow with your friend them? Because people will chat you BEHIND YOUR BACK.

[00:03:40]>> [laughter] >> NO, BUT YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOURSELF.

[00:03:45]YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE YOUR life for other people. Why you like girl that that girl them? No, no, no. Me like who me like. If a man like >> Hold on a minute. Me like who me like.

[00:03:53]You can't force me to like something what is not my type. Okay. You understand? So you can't say what if this No, me like what When you're young, when you're young.

[00:04:01]>> I've always been like that.

[00:04:03]>> I've always been like that to be fair, but I know men that dated women to show off. And they were Yeah.

[00:04:10]>> I know that. Yeah, I know them as well.

[00:04:11]And then it's like certain people I don't even say but like one person I know, right?

[00:04:17]He's always dating a certain type of woman. Then I saw their porn collection, bro. What do you mean porn collection?

[00:04:23]>> know back in the days of DVD.

[00:04:25]Like DVDs when you see all the the people on the DVDs. I used to see Revenge of the Fat Woman or Fat Attack, Revenge of the All of these names. Roly Poly.

[00:04:34]>> Six.

[00:04:35]>> Yeah.

[00:04:35]>> [laughter] >> But they weren't the women he dated in real life. So either that's his fetish Fetish, yeah. or that's what he really likes. He must like it though. He must want it in real life. He must do, bro.

[00:04:46]But he didn't want to date that because of what So why you never tell him why what why you have all them big woman there and you Sometimes you just leave them.

[00:04:53]Leave them clear, isn't it? Me would have asked. Have Have you Have [laughter] you ever Have you ever had a thing for older women?

[00:04:59]Not really, you know.

[00:05:01]Okay. Um I like I like a mature woman. I like a woman that just knows what the hell she's doing.

[00:05:06]>> Yeah. But I don't really care about the age.

[00:05:09]>> Age. Maybe it's because I had >> 17 in a hole.

[00:05:12]>> [laughter] >> What did he say? I can't What did he say? 17? Me no Me no You get involved in a them.

[00:05:19]I used to not care about age. No, I do.

[00:05:21]I I care about age to a certain extent but I think that with me when it comes to um Maybe it's cuz I had a mom that look after me. I don't want no other older woman. Yeah.

[00:05:31]>> Do you know what I mean?

[00:05:32]>> That's what you mean, like a mothering figure.

[00:05:33]>> Yeah, a lot of people want that because they never had that in their life as a mom. So me I'm good. Yeah. I don't know.

[00:05:39]>> you? You like older women? No, not now.

[00:05:41]Brother, if I got older than me, [ __ ] it up.

[00:05:43]>> [laughter] >> Oh, okay. Basically Look at what medications she's on. [ __ ] can't remember how to SAY THAT WORD.

[00:05:51]>> [laughter] [laughter] >> YEAH, IT'S THE MEDICATION.

[00:05:59]I COULDN'T BE INTO THAT.

[00:05:59]>> SO, YOU wouldn't go older now?

[00:06:00]>> I wouldn't go older now.

[00:06:02]The only way I'd go older was if >> some good 50-plus year olds, you know.

[00:06:06]>> Please, I couldn't, man. Not in good conscience, man.

[00:06:09]>> [laughter] >> But, you two could train together.

[00:06:13]I don't It's not that there's not going to be any women that are older than me that don't look good. I don't think that's the problem. What's the problem?

[00:06:19]I just think it's also they're set in their ways, as well. It's They're They're like, "Yeah." Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

[00:06:26]>> Yeah. I feel like women They do get set in their ways.

[00:06:29]>> Yeah, and also, as well, they don't put up with no [ __ ] So, you can't come with your fuckeries.

[00:06:35]They're too wise now. I need to catch them when they're in their like >> [laughter] >> Want to manipulate.

[00:06:42]This is a very fine balance, CUZ >> [laughter] >> YOU GOT TO CATCH THEM WHEN THEY'RE TRIPPING.

[00:06:48]CATCH THEM just after a breakup.

[00:06:51]>> [laughter] >> Cuz their baby father that they've been with for like 12 years.

[00:06:54]>> Yeah, yeah, they're there. They're like, "Fuck it."

[00:06:56]>> Yeah, yeah. I'm living now. [ __ ] it, yeah. My time.

[00:06:59]>> [laughter] >> I didn't mess WITH ONE THERE.

[00:07:04]YOU SO DON'T CALL UP. YOU so like him.

[00:07:06]No, but what >> Oh, you so don't like him. I thought you was better than that. No, I'm I'm joking.

[00:07:10]>> I'm I'm I'm so proud that you're curious No, he's a salvage, man. You see?

[00:07:14]Hey, Chris. Do you want to try cheating?

[00:07:16]Have you had anyone [laughter] message you recently?

[00:07:19]Um About saying that we've done something that we shouldn't have done.

[00:07:22]No.

[00:07:23]Well, big up Snuggles, as well, by the way. Snuggles >> Yes, big up Snuggles, man.

[00:07:27]>> has made me a nice pineapple pineapple upside down cake. She know what she doing.

[00:07:31]>> [ __ ] off. It was nice and soft, as well.

[00:07:33]Big up Snuggles.

[00:07:34]>> She I watched the show and she listened to you.

[00:07:35]>> her. I did message her. Yeah, man. Hold on, wait a second. Didn't I say that I like um pineapple upside down cake?

[00:07:41]Or upside down pineapple cake.

[00:07:42]>> You don't even know what you're doing.

[00:07:43]>> [laughter] [laughter] >> Hold on, wait. Chris. Mhm. This is what someone sent me, yeah. Mhm. Now, she sent a voice note first of all.

[00:07:57]And then she sent this.

[00:07:59]You can read it out loud.

[00:08:02]I'm a big fan, but didn't appreciate your comments on India and our people in your last episode on the Rated 18 show.

[00:08:09]It's not the first time. On top of that, you ain't ever been India, so you and Savage can't talk. Stop putting out this narrative that we are nasty community nation. No, but I said they were [ __ ] on the side of the road.

[00:08:23]>> [laughter] >> So, why are you blaming me? I didn't >> added it. YOU SAID SOMETHING NO, I DIDN'T.

[00:08:27]I said I said I saw something about the foot. I didn't know how they did it.

[00:08:31]>> Yeah, I saw that. Yeah. But I saw And I saw them [ __ ] on the road. Yeah, so what we what what? I saw that. So, I'm not So, right. So, this is what This is my issue.

[00:08:41]I don't I can understand people getting upset when you say something about something that means something to them.

[00:08:46]I get that. So, that I can understand.

[00:08:48]>> Mhm. But, um I the selective outrage. We have taken the piss out of everybody and everything.

[00:08:55]>> I troll. You can't wait until now something that you don't like to then be upset about it because I >> that we've actually seen.

[00:09:03]You see someone cooking with their foot?

[00:09:05]I saw an Indian man cooking with their foot.

[00:09:08]I saw it.

[00:09:10]I don't know whether it was AI, but I saw it.

[00:09:12]>> AI. Oh, was it? Okay. It might have been AI, but um I did see the [ __ ] on the side of the road cuz they said that they You saw that on the AI as well? Uh AI.

[00:09:21]>> [laughter] >> No, but you know what, though? The AI that. No, that wasn't AI cuz this was out before AI. But what I will say is, yeah, I can't She's saying she's a fan of the show, which is fine. But if you are actually a fan of the show, you know what we're like, and nothing is said with malice. Everything is said We're just jokers, though.

[00:09:40]It's just joking. That's what it's like, comedy, man. We take the piss out of everything.

[00:09:44]>> But that's the thing. We've taken the piss out of everything. But ourselves, nations, Jamaicans Bro, how much time that we curse our own culture? Even curse my man KG about the African wedding. You know what I mean? Like, we just do that, bro.

[00:09:58]You know what I'm saying?

[00:09:59]>> so if So, what I want to say is um India you have an amazing country.

[00:10:07]And I appreciate all of your fan base.

[00:10:11]And you do [ __ ] on the side of THE ROAD.

[00:10:13]>> [laughter] >> SOMETIMES.

[00:10:16]AND THAT'S ALL TIME YOU SEE >> [laughter] [laughter] >> AND THEY'RE WIPING their backy WITH A BABOON.

[00:10:28]>> [laughter] >> YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? YOU KNOW YOU KNOW HOW NO MAN THIS ONE HERE.

[00:10:37]>> [screaming] >> THAT'S THE MESS UP THAT WE'VE SEEN.

[00:10:40]WHAT DO YOU [laughter] ASK, CHRIS?

[00:10:43]I SEES IT, LADY.

[00:10:45]>> [laughter] >> OR YOU just have got a done thing. Or you see my backy.

[00:10:51]Did she think that us by us making a comment people are going to think that India's dirty? I never I'm not saying it is. There are Obviously, there's money out in India, but there are some ghetto parts.

[00:11:00]>> You know I said that I think they're overtake China for the most populated And they've got 1 and 1/2 billion people.

[00:11:06]>> You have 200 Yeah, so there's bound to be mad They'll be [ __ ] AND [ __ ] >> [laughter] [laughter] >> YOU SEE YOU YOU DON'T HAVE NO KIND OF SEE? YOU CAN'T HELP YOURSELF. EVERYTHING YOU DO, YOU CAN'T stop yourself. YOU KNOW WHAT I NOTICE ABOUT HIM? THE MORE YOU TELL him don't do something, it's the more he can't help himself. But you can't tell a grown man how to speak when we speak about everything else. You can't tell me I'm upset about this, but then you let me talk about Somalia.

[00:11:34]You talk about my own culture. I feel we should bring on our guest then we can try and get this broken down cuz we got a psychotherapist.

[00:11:40]>> We do have a psychotherapist. What? You never know, Pace.

[00:11:43]A psychedelic? Obviously it's going to be a psychotherapist, but it's a psychotherapist. Well, he can explain what a psychotherapist is. Yeah, go on then. Bring bring bring the guest on.

[00:11:53]>> Yeah, bring.

[00:11:55]Miss Sand? Huh?

[00:11:57]No, don't don't don't don't don't don't What's the word? Don't um don't magic punch me like that, bro. You see what you did? No, too late. Too late. You magic punched me. You No, you did that.

[00:12:07]You know what you did there. You know what you did there. How can you talk about and then throw it on me? Don't you dare do that. Come on, bring on the guest. All right, so psychotherapist, [snorts] darling. Mhm.

[00:12:20]You're a content creator as well, aren't you? Ah, see. So, I'm just making sure I get everything intact.

[00:12:25]>> Yeah.

[00:12:26]Huh? Actress. Actress, yes. Okay.

[00:12:29]>> We was in a film together. Yeah.

[00:12:31]Oh, you just knew that though today. You didn't even remember.

[00:12:34]>> I she JUST REMINDED YOU.

[00:12:35]>> [laughter] >> ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. SO, LISTEN.

[00:12:40]COMING to our rated show, right? She's a actress, Mhm. psychotherapist, >> Yep. content creator. Let's all WELCOME MISS SANTOS.

[00:12:55]HELLO. HELLO. LOVELY TO MEET YOU. HELLO.

[00:12:57]I know you was having problems getting in before. I want to try and squeeze myself in there. Hold on.

[00:13:02]You want cuz you guys want me to go to the far Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:13:05]>> the furthest chair. All right, yeah.

[00:13:06]Yes, girl. Get the bunda in there.

[00:13:08]>> [laughter] >> I swear the camera man just dribbled ON HIS EQUIPMENT.

[00:13:13]>> [laughter] >> WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM? WHAT'S YOUR BACKGROUND?

[00:13:20]>> Um Angola. Angola? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Where's that? THAT'S AFRICA. NO, I KNOW >> YOU KNOW ANGOLA. OH, SOUTH WEST It's Oh, South West.

[00:13:28]>> Next to Congo. Okay, so that's like Educated. They love dancing down there, isn't it? Yes. Kizomba.

[00:13:33]Kizomba. Kizomba. She know about Kizomba. Sand grab.

[00:13:39]All the girl like so.

[00:13:41]Mhm?

[00:13:42]Tell me if I'm wrong. Tell me if I'm wrong. How do we Why is she two, three, one. By you know jump this something One, two, three. Tarraxinha. Oh, Tarraxinha. And you move it back and forth. And you see eeh eeh Chris, if you jump this something you see eeh Why Why is she got two levels to her? You like the bottom here. The back the back and then THE BACK LIKE >> [laughter] [clears throat] >> SHE DANCING WITH A HUNCHBACK.

[00:14:12]>> [laughter] >> DO YOU DO DO YOU DANCE KIZOMBA? I DO. I DO. I do. Is it? Sick. But what >> of everything.

[00:14:24]>> But you do it like you done the classes?

[00:14:27]No, it's part of my culture. Just grow up in it.

[00:14:29]>> of my culture so it's like >> It's like saying if if you can wine.

[00:14:31]Yeah. That's true. Okay. Where I came from. Is that where you was born?

[00:14:35]I was born in Angola.

[00:14:37]Yeah, I was straight from the motherland, yeah. Yeah, I came in when I was like five and a half.

[00:14:44]Yeah.

[00:14:45]>> a certain glow about you, man. You know we can't see. Yeah, man.

[00:14:48]>> All right, so Angolans, what is it? What do they speak there? Portuguese.

[00:14:51]>> Portuguese. Yeah, that's what I was Yeah, yeah. Portuguese. When I When I was um I started off doing salsa to start off with.

[00:14:57]And then I saw Kizomba and I liked the music cuz it's very like soulful.

[00:15:03]And then when they dance sometimes they put their heads together and they just go with the motion. And I was like I bought the girls in and they do look better in there than the salsa girls cuz they Portuguese girls. But they move they move in there. They move in a way She's like more passionate. [laughter] You know when they break when they break from the dance you see a wet patch on their leg. You see that?

[00:15:22]>> [laughter] >> Secret to the cooter WITH THE SECRET.

[00:15:26]WOO!

[00:15:27]THAT WAS GOOD.

[00:15:28]>> [laughter] >> CHRIS IS LAUGHING, YOU KNOW. NAH, NAH.

[00:15:32]YOU GET perverts coming to the dance to class. Um not classes.

[00:15:36]>> All right, kizomba, there are perverts.

[00:15:37]>> Um cuz the thing is there's different types of kizomba though. There's Yeah.

[00:15:40]Normal style and then tarraxinha.

[00:15:42]Tarraxinha is more sensual, right? But then there's semba, so Yeah.

[00:15:46]>> Semba is you can dance with your dad, granddad. It's it's not >> SEMBA IS NOT NO, IT'S NOT NO, NO, NO, NO. MY GRANDDAD IS NOT SEMBA IS MORE UP-TEMPO. BA, BA, BA, BA, BA, BA. OKAY, OKAY. It's there's but it's more African drums and Okay, okay.

[00:16:00]>> Yeah, so it's not I think in Haiti they have um in the Caribbean they have it's like kizomba. It's called something. I can't remember.

[00:16:09]It is it that December's like the equivalent of merengue in salsa.

[00:16:14]Merengue in salsa is more like ba, ba, ba.

[00:16:16]>> Where merengue come from?

[00:16:17]>> Kind of. Kind of. Kind of.

[00:16:19]>> Right. But but I know what you're saying though, semba. And then they got zouk as well, isn't it? That's what I was about to say. So Haiti and them Caribbean islands they got zouk music. It's very, very similar to kizomba.

[00:16:29]It's that they comes from the influences of Africa as well. So it's that you know, I think Hispanic type of influences and all.

[00:16:36]>> Could you dance with your granddad to that one? What? Semba? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:16:39]ZOUK? NO.

[00:16:40]ZOUK?

[00:16:42]>> [laughter] >> THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING, CHRIS. NO, THERE'S THERE'S >> TOO MUCH like that. THAT'S HOW I NO, there's there's You see your uncle come here WITH YOUR DAD.

[00:16:49]>> [laughter] >> YOU GOT THAT PERFECT UNCLE.

[00:16:53]SEE THAT PERFECT LAUGH?

[00:16:55]>> [laughter] >> NEVER THAT, NEVER THAT.

[00:16:59]OH, YEAH. [clears throat] THAT'S THAT'S that's my homeland.

[00:17:01]>> So both your parents are Angolan? Yeah, both of my parents are Angolan. Was I was born there. I actually came here I shouldn't have said this like on any platform. So I actually came here because I was um in the middle of a war. Like literally. so I went through an actual Yes, a war, proper civil war. And so but it was like a normal day, so back home like everything is very community based. I was like 5 years old. You see little kids like walking in the street, like very community, like your community is like an extended family back home.

[00:17:34]And then as now I was playing in the living room and all I heard was like literally that's how it started because it just starts because wars don't start like an announcement Yeah.

[00:17:46]It just start. I mean like it's just like us here and then we'll be and then we'll be Jesus. But you know So you remember it? You remember it?

[00:17:53]Say that again. You remember it? Oh, of course, of course. Yeah, I remember when we had to run inside the room and my granddad told us all to kind of go underneath the beds and I remember with my the baby my youngest uncle and then everything kind of calmed down and then my granddad came over, opened the door, said okay, you guys can come out now because everything was settled. I was playing in the living room and I found a shell.

[00:18:17]Like a bullet shell. And I didn't know what that was initially because I was only 5 years old, 5 and 1/2 year around that age. But you know I still have that memory. And then I picked it up and I went to go and give it to my granddad and I still have his like his reaction.

[00:18:34]So now like cuz it was literally on the windows there was bullet holes, like holes through the window. Yeah, and then yeah, and then he took it from me and he looked at me like that could have been me, his family. And my mom was like in the shopping center with my aunt, so she was trapped there when the whole civil war like It was like political parties, like you know, foreign and I was like that. Yeah, civil wars are normally within itself, so it's like factions within. So it'll be like conservatives and Tory and Tory and Labour and Labour and you know know, there's always foreign Yeah. You know. powers kind of and then it's just kind of Oh my god.

[00:19:17]And then um my dad at the time was here.

[00:19:19]He was doing his master's degree and then he I mean it kind of died down but obviously with there was there was still tension. So my dad was like, "Oh, just send Harriet to London. Just send her to London so she can spend the summer holidays." And my mom was like, "All right, she'll come there, spend the summer holidays." Yeah, 40 years later I'm still waiting. What about your brother? I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GO BACK HERE.

[00:19:42]THEY THEY WERE born like here majority of them cuz I'm like Oh, you know, sorry, your uncle that was there, did he stay? What uncle? You had a young uncle that Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He stayed there. My mom stayed. I came so basically Yeah, so I came with my other brother and we went we came to London.

[00:19:58]My dad My dad picked us up from the airport. And um yeah, cuz at the time I came with my stepmom. So it's my stepmom and my younger brother. And yeah.

[00:20:08]>> dad was already here. Yeah. Dad was already here. He was He was studying here. Okay. And he had a new partner here He had a new partner here already. No, he like back home.

[00:20:18]Yeah, cuz he came as a as a scot you know like scholarship here to come and do his studies and he was going to come back home. But then his partner was going to go there anyways. You understand?

[00:20:25]>> your mom and dad had already split up at that They had already split up at that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they had already split at that point. Okay, okay.

[00:20:32]>> [laughter] >> Is Is girl I think his new girl Yeah, TO BRING THE GIRL >> [laughter] >> THAT'S WHAT I BROUGHT. ALL RIGHT. HE JUST UM YES, I came with them. And yeah, and it was a crazy experience because I'm so used to the sun, the culture, language and I come here and it was 4:00 and it was dark and it was cold. Nobody talked to nobody. And I lived in Guildford.

[00:20:59]Um so >> Oh, that's white. Yeah. And you have to remember this was in like mid 90s I suppose. I mean my early I'm early I wish it was in my early phase, I'm in my late phase.

[00:21:08]>> [laughter] >> I'm in my early phase, too.

[00:21:10]But anyway, so I'm in my 30s. Um so, yeah, so we're talking about like mid-90s, so um yeah, we was the only black family in the whole like kind of area.

[00:21:19]>> out there or You know what? Because I was young, I didn't really experience me, I can't remember personally experiencing that, but you know what?

[00:21:27]Looking back what I did see is linguistic prejudice. Uh we don't talk about linguistic prejudice much.

[00:21:34]>> people speak? How people speak? What is that? Oh, it's like How people speak?

[00:21:37]How people speak, so an accent. So, obviously my dad's got a very strong African accent, and my dad is very intelligent, and he a lot of you know, jobs that he sort of wanted to, cuz he studied biochemistry, and then he went to go and do nuclear medicine. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a scientist and all of that.

[00:21:54]>> [laughter] >> So, the areas of um that he went was like obviously very predominantly, you know, >> Yeah, it's full of white. and and but it was crazy, cuz you think it would just be race the fact he's a black man, but it's actually a lot of it could be a lot of it was actually linguistic prejudice, because of the way my dad spoke, had a very strong African accent, and people have exactly, people have a when they hear an African accent, they instantly think you're uneducated.

[00:22:22]Yeah, so that's called linguistic prejudice.

[00:22:23]>> I feel when I LISTEN TO PERCY.

[00:22:25]>> [laughter] >> SO, YOU'RE BEING PREJUDICED TO ME BECAUSE of the way I talk, you think we don't have no sense.

[00:22:33]>> You're racist. That means he don't >> so you're racist. That means he thinks all Jamaicans, that means he don't rate no Jamaican. I talk with my accent. He don't sound like [laughter] a normal Jamaican. Because I'm trying to slim it down for some people can't understand what I'm talking. You're racist. You're prejudiced. You're racist, Rich. He don't like his own people, I told you that, Chris. I don't know why I told He told me he don't like [laughter] them.

[00:22:51]And you're prejudiced. I'm just saying I Percy could you say >> see that? What is it you're talking about?

[00:22:58]>> [laughter] >> Percy, does that inspire you?

[00:23:02]You You you SEE WHAT I MEAN? DOES THAT MAKE YOU feel like >> [laughter] >> This guy is very intelligent.

[00:23:08]You know what? I hear about that before, you know.

[00:23:11]>> [laughter] >> Is that what you want me to Is that what you want me to talk about? SEE, THAT'S PREJUDICE.

[00:23:15]>> YOU SEE? AND YOU'RE LAUGHING. YOU'RE LAUGHING AT HIM. I DIDN'T REALIZE. NO LAUGH.

[00:23:20]CUZ IT CAN BE A IT'S BAD. You don't know, like >> Can that cause trauma? No, sorry. Can that cause trauma? It can. It can, of course.

[00:23:27]>> My mom was scared to speak when she came over from um the from Jamaica to the UK and she went to school and the little kids would just kind of like laugh and then she didn't speak in school. So it happens to a lot of people from foreign. They don't speak much cuz they think people are especially the English people. That's mad. From we start the show, this man not stop take the piss out of my accent.

[00:23:50]>> [laughter] >> So this is the people that you're talking about. I'm a scientist, though.

[00:23:53]So we're going to do a >> [laughter] >> We're going to do awareness of people like him when they take people What What do you call it?

[00:24:01]Um linguistic prejudice.

[00:24:02]>> Linguistic See See a prime example there? So with your dad there, did he could he did he find it difficult to get work? 100%, yeah. So let's say for example, he he might want to, you know, apply for a higher position.

[00:24:16]Someone that you know, with a English proper, you know, accent, um will most probably get the job above him. Um and it's crazy because in that room, he's possibly more intel more intelligent than >> Exactly. Talk again. Just like me.

[00:24:32]>> But because he might not be able or, you know, the way that he might articulate in the in his African accent might come across cuz it it's crazy cuz people shut down like I said. All right, here's the question, then. Here's the question.

[00:24:45]What if he was the same if your dad was educated the same way but he was white Polish or white Russian? Do you think they would still underestimate him or do you think also the skin complexion I think I think it's like a >> Or is it more a language thing rather than a color?

[00:25:02]Or do you think it's a mix? I mean it's a mix a mix of both, but I feel like the racing is something that obvious. Yeah. I feel like we don't so for example they say there's two black men and one was a in you know a black man He spoke He spoke Yeah, yeah, yeah. So hello and then and then you have my dad be like oh so and even though my dad might have much more of a Yeah. like they would you know be drawn and sometimes it's it's unfortunately sometimes we don't even even us for example I as you guys know I'm a psychotherapist >> Yeah.

[00:25:36]I want to ask you about that.

[00:25:38]>> [laughter] >> Oh sorry sorry so Um so I'm a psychotherapist and even for me for example going into those spaces the majority of therapists um especially registered psychotherapists are middle class white women. Mhm. So I'm from East London, right? So I already have What babe?

[00:25:58]>> [laughter] >> I say take your teeth. YOU DO THAT AGAIN and you Yeah, yeah. I take a breather, but that's one of the reasons so many reasons why I wanted to go into the mental health. One cuz there's you know there's only one part I think it's 1.5 or 6% of registered black psychotherapist. Yeah, it's very Explain what a psychotherapist entails. So it's a therapist for mental health basically.

[00:26:24]Yeah. Um All types of mental health yeah. All types of mental health yeah.

[00:26:29]>> Um and I specialize in drama psychotherapist which is creative therapy. So we >> Drama? Yeah. So basically play therapy type of thing is it? So it's every all medium so like every art music Think of every type so it's creative therapy. So if I'm instead of me just talking to you I'll be like all right how you feeling?

[00:26:48]You know you can so you might not know how to How to people about I said, "You know what? All right, you know what? I'll take a little piece of paper and I'll just ask you to draw something." So, we find different might be music and you depending on your you know Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:27:03]I'm looking for SOMETHING TO DRAW. I WANT A PIECE OF PAPER. I WANT YOU TO DRAW THE FIRST THING THAT COME INTO your head, Chris.

[00:27:08]>> [laughter] >> So, um So, yeah, so I I lost myself. What was the question again? Sorry.

[00:27:17]>> Right, so what you do like yeah, so basically do it through play and asking questions.

[00:27:22]>> Yeah, that's what I was about to say.

[00:27:23]So, one of the reasons why I got in got into therapy obviously the lack of representation cuz I like I said, I think it's 70% big percentage are white middle class women. And then then it's the working class as well. So, so there's class and there's that race thing and even going into it, I've noticed when I went even the way they speak you know, a lot of them if they come from middle class, they'll speak a certain way you know, standard language and accent. The PRs, you know, especially if you done theater if you come back you know, I don't know if you guys you know, their pronunciation. So, Exactly. I'm very good at pronouncing my letters.

[00:28:01]>> [laughter] >> I say, "Hey, hi."

[00:28:05]All the vowels.

[00:28:07]Yes.

[00:28:08]Okay.

[00:28:10]Um I just want to quickly go back to your your dad, right? I know you said the prejudice in linguistics, but also can it be due to personality? And the reason why I say that, right? Because obviously as a psychologist or psychotherapist, you know, first thing is to be liked, right? Now, when I my mom was in hospital, right? I'm sorry, right? The Filipinos were really likable.

[00:28:36]Even some of the white people were really likable.

[00:28:39]Blacks and the Jamaicans and Africans vex all the time screwing up their face roughing my mom up. Do you get what I'm saying? So, is it to do with sometimes the way you are as a person and the energy you give off? Because a lot of the times the nurses that I wanted to like I couldn't, even though it was my own people. I'm thinking, "Why are you not acting this way?" Do you know what I mean? Whereas the other people they came across as nice, soft to touch, whatever.

[00:29:03]And I know our cultures in general we can sound a little bit harsh or harsh and strong, so it can take people back.

[00:29:11]Even me, even though I know it from the outside looking in, that must sometimes sort of play on, you know, how you get looked at, right? I I get what you're saying. I think a lot of our opinions based on our on our own personal experiences as well.

[00:29:26]>> Right, right, right. Um however, I think if you ever met my dad, my dad is the softest Is it? You know I mean, aw, okay gang.

[00:29:35]You know, he's very like very He's He's not like the cameraman.

[00:29:40]>> [laughter] >> PUT THE PROTON IN THE NUCLEUS.

[00:29:44]>> [laughter] >> I WONDER IF ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE ARE NOT LISTENING to this.

[00:29:50]WHY YOU SCREWED UP YOUR FACE FOR?

[00:29:52]>> [laughter] >> HUH?

[00:29:55]That's in my head you talk like that.

[00:29:57]>> [laughter] >> You said him I'm wicked. I want you to do us a favor, right?

[00:30:01]>> Yeah, go on.

[00:30:02]Practice No, no, personally >> Give us I reckon Chris is joking.

[00:30:06]>> Return to us and see all you how it work, this cycle of everything.

[00:30:09]>> So, if I let you Chris can ask me to Yeah, go, go, do something. What's the first thing you see, Chris? No, no. No, no, psychopath. Wait for it to say.

[00:30:18]I'm not going to lie to you. I think I could have gone into this, you know. All right, so this is a creative thing that we do. So, I'm not doing it for free, so it's It's all right.

[00:30:25]>> six Put this as six-part story. Yeah?

[00:30:28]Did I do a six-part? Yeah, I did. Six parts, right?

[00:30:31]So, who's going to do it? Me. I'll do All right, Chris. Do you want to give it to Chris?

[00:30:36]>> Of what? Chris laugh at me. I got to find out something we did with that up our psychopath.

[00:30:41]>> [laughter] >> Go on. So, >> think of the first like a character. It could be anything. It could be an object. It could be a character. Try not to overthink. Think It might not even make sense to you, but it could be anything that comes up and just try to draw it. It doesn't have to be human. It could be animal. It could be an object. Um just think of it.

[00:31:01]That's the main character. Should I hide it? Huh? Do you want to hide it first?

[00:31:07]Uh yeah. No, no, no. There's no need to hide it. No, no, no.

[00:31:10]>> Yeah, it's not a problem.

[00:31:11]Cuz I'm going to see the shock on your face like the man I'm a mad man.

[00:31:15]>> [laughter] [gasps] >> This is really interesting. So, do you do like play therapy with children that suffer trauma then? Yes, so play therapy could be something that we could also use. Okay.

[00:31:27]It could be sensory. You know, depending on the needs of the young person. If you, you know, from working with someone that's got um autism, severe autism, then what sensory work might be something that we might do. So, yeah.

[00:31:39]So, it's just How long have you been doing this? Um I've been qualified for the past 2 years. So, been fully registered, qualified to use cuz I went back to do my cuz before this I actually used to work for forensic crime prevention. That's actually my background.

[00:31:51]>> what what what? Crime prevention. Yes, I used to work for the youth offending team for like 15 years.

[00:31:55]>> Okay. Okay.

[00:31:55]>> So, I used to do do a lot of crime preventive, you know, youth work and like youth work basically.

[00:32:01]>> Yeah.

[00:32:02]>> Um so, that's that was actually my background. So, I used to work with um No, no. Okay. That's the next one. So, um so, that's your So, the second is >> [laughter] >> I want you to think of a I don't want to smudge that.

[00:32:14]>> No, leave it.

[00:32:16]So, think of something that you want that this character wants. What does this character want? What's the What's this character's objective or aim?

[00:32:26]What's this? Oh, you draw poopoo.

[00:32:28]>> [laughter] >> So, think about what this character wants. What does this character want right now?

[00:32:33]All right. Does he have a tail? Yeah.

[00:32:35]All right. Either draw it out >> It's up to you if you want to try to dress up to you. I will never say it's it's an invitation to go if you You can do what you want. Do what you want. So, what does whatever that box >> Let your brain feel free.

[00:32:46]>> [laughter] >> You got into work mode now, right?

[00:32:50]It's quite I mean, I've never done it in this way cuz usually kind of have to be present.

[00:32:54]>> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a process that kind of goes with it. So, I'm just It's just I'm just having fun with you. So, what I said what what made you get into it in the first place? Um so, I used to obviously work with like gangs. And um a lot of young people. I didn't want into um working with families and family mediation stuff. And you know what was funny as well like talking about gangs, yeah. Cuz I used to work in East London.

[00:33:20]I thought you was going to say you was in a gang. Yeah, I was in a I used to work in gangs.

[00:33:25]Boss lady.

[00:33:28]So, um I probably remember um Oh, sorry.

[00:33:31]Should I Yeah, go.

[00:33:32]Like I have to be present. See, I can't see usually I'm really present on Should I Should I sit next to you? Uh no, no, no, it's all right. Lord have mercy.

[00:33:39]So, third one, I want you to think of an obstacle. Like there's an obstacle that is preventing you from your objective and your aim. What's the obstacle? Think of the obstacle.

[00:33:52]Like just draw the >> He's going to try to draw a person.

[00:33:55]>> [laughter] >> What What are you going to draw me for?

[00:33:58]You want to draw me WHAT TO DO.

[00:33:59]>> CHARACTER'S OBSTACLE?

[00:34:01]>> [laughter] >> OH, YEAH, YEAH. Like you know, like what is preventing you from reaching your goal, your aim, your objective?

[00:34:10]So, what's stopping you from getting what you said you just wanted? Right, it That's the character you mean? Yeah, the character. So, the character, yeah.

[00:34:17]What's stopping the character from getting what they want? Don't think too hard, Chris. You're going to blur some burst a blood vessel.

[00:34:24]So, this is the character. This is what he wants. What's stopping What's stopping that character get that?

[00:34:29]Oh. Yeah. It wasn't It wasn't not a what I want but as you said what am I thinking to >> Yeah, sorry. But you know what? Cuz I'm sometimes being >> Oh, so you >> So you got the character that you So the character has a an aim or objective or they've got like something that they want. So on the third box what I want you to draw is the obstacle. So what's preventing WHAT THE HELL IS THAT YOU'RE DRAWING, CHRIS? NO, so we're still we're still talking about the story that you're creating. [laughter] So we're still talking about the story that I created. So on the third box >> Yeah. draw what could stop that character from getting what they want from that. So what is preventing that character from Okay.

[00:35:05]You got to see what a man draw.

[00:35:08]I saw it long time.

[00:35:10]Like it don't matter it don't matter >> matter. It don't matter it's not about there's no judging. And it's not about the artwork as well.

[00:35:15]>> Me I judge. I don't care. Got it?

[00:35:18]Okay. So on your fourth box I want you to think about a helper. Who's the What A helper can be again an object. It can be a character. It can be Won't be influenced, Chris. is the helper the helper. So this thing or being is going to help you get or you know Get your Yeah, fight you know deal with the obstacle help you get to your aim. So think of a a helper.

[00:35:50]Let me see what you got, CHRIS.

[00:35:53]>> [laughter] >> WHEN ME SAY DEMON A real hell and crosses, you see me?

[00:35:59]>> [laughter] >> Right.

[00:36:02]You got it, Chris? Yeah. Right. So now the fifth box is how did you um you and this helper how did you um deal with the obstacle? So whatever you drew on your third box, how did you fight against or dealt with that obstacle to get to your aim to get to to So how did your helper helped you? How did you guys together helped each other?

[00:36:27]Right.

[00:36:28]To get >> To get to number to box two.

[00:36:31]>> two. Yeah. You really I get some Remember counseling two years.

[00:36:35]Remember three is an obstacle. So, how did you and this help us overcome that?

[00:36:39]How did you guys overcome that?

[00:36:41]Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. I don't know. Just whatever. Well, how did you try? At least how did you try?

[00:36:46]>> Okay.

[00:36:46]Um to >> that.

[00:36:48]To fight number three. I I'm very intrigued. You what? Your diagnosis to these cold doggeries. Cuz if you ever see what this man uh draw He can be sensible.

[00:37:04]Yeah, go on. Yeah. And the last box is the outcome now. So, you guys did that. So, what is the outcome now? Did you succeed? Did you not succeed? What is now the outcome?

[00:37:14]Did you get to the aim? Did you not get to the aim? What happened? What was the outcome of that? Oh, good gosh. Oh, gracious. Chris, no easy.

[00:37:25]All right, is that it? All right. Are you all right to share with all of us?

[00:37:28]>> Yeah. All right.

[00:37:28]>> Is it possible to share with us, Chris?

[00:37:30]>> Yes, no problem. And the world.

[00:37:32]>> [laughter] >> This is what's in this [ __ ] brother's head. THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SITTING NEXT TO ME FOR TWO AND A HALF [ __ ] YEARS. And you don't don't feel sorry FOR ME. TWO AND A HALF YEARS I'VE BEEN SITTING NEXT TO THIS. THIS IS A >> [laughter] >> A PHYSICAL REPRESENTATION of his brain.

[00:37:49]THIS IS IT.

[00:37:52]>> [laughter] >> I WOULD HAVE CALLED DRACULA. ALL RIGHT.

[00:37:56]I THOUGHT HE WAS CALLED DRACULA.

[00:37:57]DISGUSTING. YEAH, SORRY. Go on. All right. So, Pick it up.

[00:38:00]>> All right. Thank you. Thank you. All right. You said draw whatever color you want.

[00:38:03]>> is fine. I don't think you've done anything wrong, Chris. There's no right or wrong.

[00:38:06]>> A grizzly bear. All right. So, that was a grizzly bear.

[00:38:09]>> [laughter] >> And a shrimp.

[00:38:14]I LIKE THAT, CHRIS.

[00:38:15]>> [laughter] >> THE MAN JUST LEFT THE BARBER'S.

[00:38:21]I THOUGHT HE WAS CALLED DRACULA.

[00:38:23]>> [screaming] >> LET ME NOT LAUGH.

[00:38:25]>> [laughter] >> YOU GUYS ARE MAKING ME LAUGH.

[00:38:27]You're not supposed TO LAUGH. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PROFESSIONAL.

[00:38:31]Come on.

[00:38:32]And that's a lovely grizzly bear. Okay, thank you.

[00:38:35]>> Thank you. Stop telling lies, man.

[00:38:36]>> [laughter] >> Okay, so what does it What is a grizzly bear object and what do they want? What does it want? I don't know. I just pictured a grizzly bear strangling someone. So you Okay, you pictured a grizzly bear strangling strangle They're not So you So that means that that this grizzly bear wants to strangle someone. That is what they want.

[00:38:56]>> Yeah.

[00:38:56]Right, so grizzly bear wants to strangle someone.

[00:38:59]>> Yeah, it's got a lot of aggression.

[00:39:01]Built up built up aggression.

[00:39:02]>> Yeah. Built up aggression.

[00:39:03]>> Yeah. With some Okay, so there's a lot of built up aggression and this grizzly bear wants to strangle someone. Mhm. And so what's stopping this grizzly bear from strangling this this someone? Jail.

[00:39:13]That's what I told her. Okay. Okay, so Consequence. Police station. So the grizzly bear does not want to go to jail or it wants to Okay, right.

[00:39:21]Okay, so we're moving on to the fourth.

[00:39:23]So there's a helper. So who is this helper now that you >> Um my best friend. Your best friend.

[00:39:28]>> Yeah. Yeah. Don't look like her, but Okay, so that's your best friend. So the grizzly bear has a best friend.

[00:39:33]>> Yeah. Right. Um is she also a grizzly bear? She No, she's just a normal human.

[00:39:37]>> So she killed the bear?

[00:39:39]Yeah. Yeah, normal human. So so she's a normal human being. Okay. And then how does the the best friend help the grizzly bear?

[00:39:48]By by talking to him. You can see the voice like she's shouting at me. So she's shouting at the grizzly bear. Oh, so you are the grizzly bear? Yeah, but not So we're going to get there. Hold on. So that is the grizzly So the grizzly bear Mhm. So let's go out. So she's shouting at the grizzly bear.

[00:40:04]>> Yeah. And what is she saying to the grizzly bear? Um Relax. Oh, so he's telling the grizzly bear to just relax. So he's trying to kind of like Okay. Relax at it. Okay. And then what happens to the grizzly bear at the end?

[00:40:19]What was the outcome?

[00:40:20]>> out in the sofa. So, she was out in the sofa. Yeah. And what happened to you know what happened to the grizzly bear?

[00:40:26]He just chills out now. He's he's calm because he's been spoken to. Okay. And then what I would then do, which I'm not going to do, IS CALL THE POLICE.

[00:40:35]>> [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] >> INSENSIBLE I AM I MIGHT STAB SOMEBODY.

[00:40:55]THEN I WOULD INVITE then I would start exploring that a little bit more. So, be like, "So, how do you resonate with this? Have you ever felt like the grizzly bear? Have you ever felt to strangle someone?" Yeah, loads of times.

[00:41:07]>> Loads of times. Yeah. And then we sort of go deeper into that.

[00:41:11]Do you feel there's any Do you feel it now? Do you maybe want to Do you feel like you want to strangle someone here?

[00:41:15]No. I'm joking.

[00:41:17]>> [laughter] >> But you get the the gist of it.

[00:41:24]And we go deeper and deeper and deeper.

[00:41:25]Do you But do you know what though? I think this is quite interesting. It's quite good.

[00:41:29]>> No, but I think what's interesting is what you've chosen. Mhm.

[00:41:32]It just whatever came to my mind and I was >> it. But that's the thing it's subconscious.

[00:41:37]>> the subconscious. Exactly. That's what it is. So, I told Chris to read the um chimp uh chimp paradox. Okay. I haven't actually.

[00:41:45]Oh. Yeah. I've asked Chris to read the chimp paradox. And I was trying to tell him about his um about the different the different areas of his brain that hijack.

[00:41:58]Oh.

[00:41:58]>> I did. Big up mixologist. Oh. You want a cocktail in a water? You don't want no cocktail. I don't drink.

[00:42:05]>> No, I don't drink alcohol.

[00:42:06]>> Good. See this your purse?

[00:42:08]>> No, I'll be here with my H2O.

[00:42:09]>> Yeah, same. H2O. And um yeah. What did I saying? You made me forget what I was saying. You was talking about the book.

[00:42:16]Yes.

[00:42:17]>> Yes. So, I was saying that, um, your So, basically, the book is about your, um, your primitive brain Okay.

[00:42:27]>> hijacking your modern brain. So, basically, what will happen is, um, it's a lot to do with defense mechanisms and stuff like that and past traumas and whatever else. Mhm. And, basically, you start reacting with emotionally to things rather than thinking things through. And, it's how we frame things.

[00:42:46]So, you might frame something as not traumatic. Same thing that you've gone through, but you just like, "Yeah, it's nothing big."

[00:42:52]>> Nothing, exactly.

[00:42:53]>> So, I think I think out of all of Let me tell you something.

[00:42:59]>> [laughter] >> Ask me a next there's another pen and paper cuz I have something to do. I Do you know I do that as well? Oh, okay. Go on. Show me. Go on.

[00:43:06]>> Give her the pen and paper. Oh, her the pen and paper.

[00:43:09]>> me. The pen and paper. Oh, where's the pen? Where's the pen, Trace? Uh Trace, See the pen right there, so Trace? The pen.

[00:43:15]Ah, damn. I'm going to psychedelic you now. Oh. You're going to psychedelic?

[00:43:19]What What you calling? Psycho Analyze, okay. Psychoanalyze uh >> psychoanalyze [laughter] me? Okay. All right.

[00:43:24]>> I'm ready. Go on. You ready? I'm ready.

[00:43:26]I want you to draw Mhm. what you want in life Mhm. in the first box. Oh, in the first box? What do I want in life?

[00:43:35]>> Don't think too hard. Just >> Hard? Okay.

[00:43:39]>> Relax your brain muscles. Mhm.

[00:43:41]Visualize. Cuz pressure's good.

[00:43:45]Mhm.

[00:43:47]Okay. You watch how bad me is now.

[00:43:50]Good.

[00:43:51]>> [laughter] >> Right? Yeah.

[00:43:53]Now, I want you to visualize what you have to do to get it. This is exactly what she just did. No. What is stopping her from getting it? This is what you have to do to get it.

[00:44:04]So, you want me to draw Mhm.

[00:44:06]>> What What you have to do for the process you to get it. What I have to do? Mhm.

[00:44:12]Um It's hard to draw that. Yeah.

[00:44:16]Um I thought that was your legs.

[00:44:21]>> [laughter] [screaming] >> That's why I said don't judge.

[00:44:30]>> Okay, okay, good, good, good. That's good. This taste good.

[00:44:33]>> That's good. Yeah, go >> first. Now me want you to write down We interrupt our program to bring you this important message. All right, guys.

[00:44:44]Thank you guys so much for just watching the episode on YouTube. You've only got a reduced version. If you want to watch the full show, go over to our Patreon right now, the Rated Show on Patreon, and you can watch the full show. And I'm the one that cuts them, so you don't even really get the best bits.

[00:45:02]They're not getting the best bits, and they're getting like much shorter >> version. Yeah, you're basically getting Remember the backwash right being that you USED TO HAVE?

[00:45:11]>> [laughter] >> LIKE LITERALLY, YOU'RE MISSING OUT A WHOLE HOURS' WORTH. YEAH, you're getting a 2-hours' worth of more of this.

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[00:45:57]Thank you. Big up yourself.

[00:46:00]>> [music] >> On the 30th of we have the live Rated show [music] at the O2 Forum in Kentish Town. What are you telling me, Mandem?

[00:46:13]You can go on livenation.co.uk or you can go on my link tree or Chris's link tree.

[00:46:19]>> [music] >> Or you can go on the O2 Forum.

[00:46:21]>> you.

[00:46:22]Chris is going to be there in person.

[00:46:24]We've got some surprises as well. We've got some special guests coming down on the night. Go and grab your tickets and we'll see you on the 30th [music] of May.

[00:46:31]>> Respect. Done know. Rated.

[00:46:33]Big up yourself. Love you.

[00:46:35]Love you.

[00:46:39]>> [music] >> All right.

[00:46:42]Big up your TT and your team.

[00:46:44]Every Sunday we shoot and eat.