Unreleased VICE Lab Episode Leaked After 8 Years… This Was Never Supposed to Air

本站添加: 2026-05-14

[00:00:00]Can I try throwing a knife?

[00:00:02]>> Yeah.

[00:00:03]>> This huge one?

[00:00:04]>> Yep.

[00:00:05]>> If I get stuck in the wall, I don't have to introduce the show. Okay, this is kind of crazy.

[00:00:15]That counts.

[00:00:17]Welcome to Vice Lab. [music] I got a knife book.

[00:00:30]All right, up next we have a ham sandwich.

[00:00:38]It's really a pity to like go through all the work to wear a kilt and then you just put a coat over it like a raincoat like a transvestite wears women's undergarments under their Wall Street suit.

[00:00:51]>> Hi there. This is Ham Sandwich.

[00:00:52]>> What's your name?

[00:00:53]>> Ham Sandwich.

[00:00:54]>> Hi. Oh, >> it's a miserable day in New York City and we're here at the Tartan Day parade, Scottish Heritage and Pride Festival.

[00:01:01]These people all seem very very uh invested in their masculinity and they're walking around in skirts. Is that the primary function of the kilt?

[00:01:10]It makes it easier to expose your genitals to strangers.

[00:01:12]>> There's a lot of freedom there. That's a lot of freedom. There's a lot of freedom.

[00:01:16]>> I don't want to be impolite, but your genitals, they're bouncing around.

[00:01:19]>> They're they're going back up to where they came from >> thanks to this weather. Someday your country will be as free as your [ __ ] and balls. [laughter] Well, um, as you may be able to tell, there's kind of a general bagpipe ambiance going on. Do I like the sound of bagpipe? [music] No. You know, the bag pipes, generally speaking, they're military instruments played uh at funerals. So, I feel that their intended audience is either people that are about to die or people that are already dead. It helps that they just play one [ __ ] note over and over again. God bless them. Not a lot of interest or excitement right here. It kind of makes you wonder why these people felt the need to even come out on a day like this. Why does this parade even need to happen?

[00:02:06]>> Basically, everyone has their own parade. Do you think it's a bad idea in a melting pot city to give everyone a [ __ ] parade? The weather has gotten even worse and any hint of Scottish culture has vanished. This is some [ __ ] There's not a bag pipe in sight. This is just an opportunistic marching band. Take any parade gig they can find. [ __ ] amateurs. [music] The parade is over.

[00:02:34]Nothing remains but some flags in the gutter. But I hear that some people are drinking down the block. Okay, so yes, bag pipes are a little annoying and parades in general are awful. But if there's one thing Scottish people know how to do, it's drink during the day. Up your kills, everybody. Cheers. Happy tartan day.

[00:02:52]>> Yay. [ __ ] my ass.

[00:02:58]>> Hi everyone. Uh, I'm supposed to be doing my job right now because it's a Monday morning and it's the busiest part of the week for production. Uh, but I can't do that because I agreed to do this today, which is wasting company money on a show that's not very good.

[00:03:15]One of the biggest mistakes [sighs] upper Management Vice ever made was to give me a company card. When we decided we're going to make a show, I started buying props willy-nilly. Uh, and by props, I mean mostly toys that I always wished I could buy as a child. Okay, the reality is I just went to Toys R Us and sporting goods stores and bought stuff for myself with the company card and I'm using this show to justify buying them.

[00:03:42]So, if you want to come along with me for this ride, we're going to go over to the props lab where we can make this a reality.

[00:03:49]Whoa, this is a nice set.

[00:03:54]I spent too much goddamn company money on toys. Well, everyone, hi. Welcome to the props lab. I bought a plasma ball.

[00:04:03]Okay, but that doesn't look like a plasma ball, does it? Cuz it's broken.

[00:04:06]And then I went and bought a second one.

[00:04:10]And I guess this one's [ __ ] broken, too.

[00:04:14]All right, we're going to film something with these. I'm not sure what yet. Once I get one that works. I couldn't resist this one cuz it's something I always wanted. It's a remote control monster truck. If we don't get our money's worth out of this one, I'll eat my shirt. Oh, here's another irresponsible purchase I made at the company card. A wrist rocket. We'll film something awfully stupid with this.

[00:04:43]Damn it.

[00:04:49]>> Oh.

[00:04:56][music] [bell] Um. All right. Well, I think that one was worth it. Um, at least I'm going to say it was good enough.

[00:05:07]I don't know what you think, but I don't care cuz I'm never going to meet you.

[00:05:18][music] >> Driving my truck, doing my [music] thing. It'll take a female down to the river. My truck. This truck's better than your [music] truck. This truck's better than [singing] your truck. has wholesome wag [music] values that your truck just lags. Now I love this truck. I [music and singing] love this truck. I love this [ __ ] truck right here.

[00:05:49]I [music] have sex with my truck.

[00:05:51][singing] I tried to have sex with it.

[00:05:57]>> Thanks, man. [bell] >> Here's the problem, guys. We're all [ __ ] We all took out loans for college and the loans [ __ ] suck. We all have a problem here in America where we're not educated in financial systems. They're going to loan you money. You're not going to understand the interest. You're going to take the loan because your parents going to tell you to. They don't even understand it cuz they were never educated. The whole system is set up to [ __ ] you. Okay? And so we have Raone Rivas here who's gonna talk to some people who just took out college loans and see how [ __ ] they are and then he's gonna give them some solutions for their problem.

[00:06:31]>> I want people to drop out and move to Cleveland. When you don't need to rack up all this debt, drop out of school, move to Cleveland.

[00:06:37]>> I'm guessing these girls are students and obviously they're wasting a lot of their time and resources. They spent most of their afternoon playing a game that doesn't matter instead of studying.

[00:06:46]So they're probably going to fail out of school. They don't need to drop out. So we don't need to talk to them. So what do you pay for rent here now? for my dorm. I'm paying like over [music] seven grand a semester.

[00:06:55]>> So, you're paying like 1,200 a month about it. All right. So, I'm going to show you some apartment rentings [music] in Cleveland in Rocky River, which is an affluent suburb of Cleveland. So, this is a two-bedroom, [music] 2 and 1 half bath. You can rescue as many dogs as you want >> and you could have a whole animal sanctuary. I'm making you this offer. If you come to Remember to pull out, remember to wrap it up.

[00:07:21]>> Yep. All right.

[00:07:22]>> All right.

[00:07:22]>> Consent.

[00:07:23]>> Yeah.

[00:07:23]>> Then pull out.

[00:07:24]>> Yeah.

[00:07:25]>> This is a group of former liberal [music] arts students using their degrees in New York. Someone's smoking weed.

[00:07:35]>> Which is I I like that.

[00:07:37]>> Thanks, R.

[00:07:43]>> It worked.

[00:07:45]I spent too much goddamn company money on toys.

[00:07:51]Um, welcome back to the prop lab where we justify things I purchased with a company credit card. Up next, this was a little bit more expensive and it's a pretty much universally hated thing. Um, they're rollerblades and [snorts] I don't know how you could possibly make good content with these. I have no interest in doing anything with these. So, I'm just going to give them to Taji and see what he comes up with.

[00:08:16]Oh, and then we're going to go live to Taji.

[00:08:19]is in slow-mo. [music] [music] [music] >> What's up, guys? I noticed you just rolled up to the park. You got no wheels. I got an extra pair of rollerblades. What do you say?

[00:08:49]>> Oh, no. I'm sorry. I'm not like that.

[00:08:51]Yeah.

[00:08:51]>> Oh, man. My friend at the company I work for bought these rollerblades with the company money.

[00:08:57]>> So, we need to basically film a segment that justifies the purchase of these rollerblades. If that makes any sense.

[00:09:05][music] >> [music] >> I fell, too. Ow.

[00:09:25]>> You want to try that again?

[00:09:27]>> All right. Well, um I'm going to go ahead and say that one was close enough.

[00:09:32]Uh I also think we should probably maybe come back to that one in a later episode.

[00:09:39][music] >> [chanting] >> Hallelujah.

[00:09:48][music] [singing] [music] Hi everyone. Welcome back to Vice Lab.

[00:10:19]We have really good technology here.

[00:10:22]We're a bunch of [ __ ] idiots that didn't graduate college. We also don't have any money cuz I spent it all on toys.

[00:10:28]I spent too much goddamn company money on toys.

[00:10:33]Oh, gee many crickets. That's really scary. Another success story brought to you from the Props Lab. Let's move on to the next prop. A collection of 217 knives that I bought.

[00:10:50]So, this is just what happens when you buy one of those knife displays that you've seen on TV.

[00:10:59]Cheap knives and cheap boxes.

[00:11:02]What I'm going to do with this is send it back.

[00:11:12]>> I'm not even going to ask for my money back. I'm just going to send them back to these guys and be like, "Take these back."

[00:11:16]>> What are these? The the Natilius.

[00:11:23]>> Okay.

[00:11:24]>> Welcome to HSN customer service >> returns.

[00:11:28]Good afternoon. This is Tracy. How may I help you? Hi, I'm Chan from Vice and I don't know if you can help me with this, but I have um I'm in a little bit of a predicament. My boss ordered a bunch of these frost cutlery knives from Home Shopping Network. Um and he he would like me to return them.

[00:11:51]>> If if he's if it's been more than 60 days since the order went, then we would not be able to test take them back for return. If it's more than 60 days, is there any way I can just send them back with no refund without I don't want money back. I don't want like nothing.

[00:12:11]>> Absolutely. Even if you shipped them back, >> my warehouse would return them right back to you.

[00:12:16]>> They would it would come back. See, he would not he wouldn't like that if they came back to him. Like [clears throat] he doesn't want to see them anymore. I don't know. It's a very like a hot button, >> Tracy.

[00:12:32]>> Yes.

[00:12:33]>> Yes. Yes.

[00:12:36][bell] 215 knives for $130. Sending him back with no refund. Now that's a good TV.

[00:12:44]So, sort of as an apology for everything I bought, I decided I would buy something with my own money as a gift to the company. And the only thing that made any sense was a disco ball. This wasn't cheap, guys. And this came right out of my paycheck. So, if you're mad at me about all the other stuff I bought, just remember I bought you this because I'm pretty sure everyone in this company has always wanted a disco ball.

[00:13:12]Except for me. I hate this thing.

[00:13:17]Now, and this is the problem with Taji and Jordan is that they leave bong stems in my props.

[00:13:23]Can you get this weed out of here, you ptheads? There's actual reefer in here.

[00:13:48]>> [music] [bell] >> So, uh, we're we're here for Viceland at the NAB. I'm trying to find my niche here and get people interested in the channel with these cards and and, uh, we'll see. I don't I don't know how I'm how I'm supposed to hold a candle to these guys because I I don't offer foot massages or anything like that. So, [music] [music] excuse me. Are you here with this booth by any chance? Oh, okay. Great. Thank you. So, hopefully I can just take over somebody else's stand and seem really official and hand out the cards and people will call and my producer will be happy and we can justify being in Vegas.

[00:14:33]I'm just going to set up shop right here.

[00:14:36]>> Hello guys. Guys interested in learning about a television channel. We got a brand new network. We're not selling gear or anything. Just want to tell you about our channel.

[00:14:44]>> All right.

[00:14:46]Interested in learning about our channel, Viceland? It's okay. Uh, turns out this booth is that guys. So, we're going to hightail out of here. Part of what I do is promote the network as a brand ambassador, but we're running out of time and I really just want as many people here to know about Viceland as possible. We're going to go this way. Check out our TV channel, Vice [music] Land. Leave a message. We might turn you into a commercial. Please do it. I see you have the phone. You should call this number. Call this call this message or uh leave us a message and we might [music] use it on TV. Thank you.

[00:15:19]You dropped this in the the garbage.

[00:15:21]Thank you so much.

[00:15:21]>> Oh, no, I didn't.

[00:15:23]>> Check out our network. Call for a good time. Call for great time. Thank you. I work at a TV station. You [music] should check it out. Oh, hey, check out our TV channel. It's um Me, too. I'm so busy.

[00:15:34]What do you It's like so hard out here, you know? We got to do our jobs. We got [music] to walk quick. Here, put this in with your stack of cash.

[00:15:40]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:15:41]>> Thank you. I think I found what you're looking for. It's right here. Thank you.

[00:15:45]We're done.

[00:15:53]Hi everyone. Welcome back to Vice Lab experimental content brought to you weekly by a bunch of weirdos. Up next, this is a failed attempt at making money. I thought we could make commercials for local businesses um since major corporations weren't advertising with us, but they tried to film us make the commercials and it didn't really work out. So, this is that. Uh that's that.

[00:16:22]>> [music] >> Are we friends? You two are friends. But here's the thing. When's the last time any of us have texted each other to hang out like on a weekend? I don't know what you would do if you came over to my house. Like, what would we do?

[00:16:34]>> Maybe this will rekindle our friendship.

[00:16:36]>> But you can't rekindle something that's never been kindled. [music] [music] All right, quick update. So, we've just arrived at Morley's Magic Shop and uh we're with Dan right here.

[00:17:01]>> Quick update, Dan.

[00:17:03]>> Stop it.

[00:17:04]>> Hi. Say hi.

[00:17:05]>> How are you?

[00:17:06]>> Thank you for having us.

[00:17:08]>> Absolutely.

[00:17:08]>> We've been hanging outside for about 45 minutes trying to figure out the best way to come in.

[00:17:12]>> We want to learn about you first of all.

[00:17:14]>> Okay. [music] >> I'm mainly a performer. Uh, I mean, I I do an average of four or five uh private shows a week. That really pays the majority [music] of the bills.

[00:17:26]>> Whoa. Now, that actually that one got me.

[00:17:30]>> Wow.

[00:17:31]>> So, I'm looking to put something up that's going to show people uh more about the magic store, what they can learn here, what the experience is like when they actually walk into a a real store rather [music] than shopping online. So, we can all uh sort of support this cool art form. Can I hold it or do you want to hold his nails? I haven't trimmed his nails.

[00:17:55]>> This is my big idea. Now, Houdini made magic popular, right?

[00:17:59]>> And the reason he made it popular was cuz he took it off the streets and into the theater. if we could create like a separate version of that concept where you walk off the street, go into the store and once you go into the store, you're on stage in a theater.

[00:18:15]>> So it's almost like >> like so like them going into the store was a magic trick in itself. You walk into the shop, [music] right? Wide angle really like long shot >> has that effect >> and then it starts going like pictures of all the different tricks flying at you.

[00:18:28]>> Can we just write down these ideas? So then >> I don't need to write them down. You can [laughter] write them down all you want.

[00:18:32]>> All right. I just want to take a step back.

[00:18:34]>> You have a piece of paper. Why do we have to write it down? Hundreds of ideas. We have two ideas.

[00:18:39]>> So, we've entered phase two of our commercial. We have Jonathan right now doing some more Slight of Hands.

[00:18:47]Shouldn't we just call our production company Slight of Hands?

[00:18:50]>> No.

[00:18:50]>> Slight of hands productions?

[00:18:52]>> No.

[00:18:54]>> Do you think some of the shots if we had like some sparklers going?

[00:18:58]>> No.

[00:18:58]>> No.

[00:18:59]>> Let's get a few without the mat.

[00:19:00]>> We're getting this covered.

[00:19:02]>> All right. Yeah, >> but is it going to be weird if he does the five? [music] >> No, there's going to be so many different lighting setups in this. It's a montage.

[00:19:08]>> I mean, even just throw the 70 to 200 on like [music] >> No, that's >> Let's get in there.

[00:19:12]>> Okay, here you take over >> for the whole day, man.

[00:19:16]>> Take over for the >> Dan. Come on, Dan. Come on, man.

[00:19:20]>> This is awesome.

[00:19:21]>> This is sick.

[00:19:22]>> This is looking so good.

[00:19:23]>> All right, >> that was actually tight, >> Dan.

[00:19:26]>> Couldn't have done it without you, Dan.

[00:19:28]>> Let's go. Let's triple high five Dan on that last one.

[00:19:31]>> All right. All right. So, look, this isn't working out and it's not ever going to work out. I can't work with Taji. Uh, so I decided just to go make a commercial on my own with my roommate Billy. And there's no behind the scenes cuz I didn't want these honkos following me around while I was trying to work.

[00:19:44]So, here's the commercial. And [ __ ] the behind the scenes [ __ ] Oh, ho h just another day.

[00:19:55]I sure wish something interesting would come my way.

[00:20:01]>> [music] [music] [music] [music] >> Morley's Magic in Butler, New Is he unlock the magician in you?

[00:20:37]Hey.

[00:20:39]Well, see, this is where things get really crazy now.

[00:20:45][music] [bell] All right, everyone. Thanks for coming. [music] Um, and you know, they say when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. But when I I say when life hands you [ __ ] start sculpting. Thanks to everyone, I love you even though I haven't met you because we're all one interconnected organism. [bell] There's negative space between the atoms in our bodies, you know.

[00:21:11]Come back next week [music] in the vice lab.

[00:21:19][music]