MSSP Near Canceling Moments Pt. 3 😂 🍻

Added: 2026-05-30

[00:00:00]The rest of your life is a [ __ ] nightmare. [laughter] I hate my wife. God damn it, I wish I was with you kids.

[00:00:07]>> [laughter] >> Dude, getting [ __ ] up as a coach and spilling the beans to the kids in the locker room.

[00:00:15]It's like, god damn, the [ __ ] you guys could get if I was in your school.

[00:00:19]>> [laughter] >> What about this girl? You guys like her?

[00:00:22]Just curious.

[00:00:23]>> some of those cheerleaders.

[00:00:24]>> [laughter] >> Those [ __ ] cheerleaders, they're growing up, huh? I'd be like, what do you boys think of that?

[00:00:29]>> [laughter] >> That's my dream. We were hanging out at the pool earlier and we watched a boy >> [laughter] >> 69 with his mom.

[00:00:41]>> Yo, that was for real like disturbing.

[00:00:43]>> It was crazy. There was a >> I don't even I I I don't want to assume any ethnicity there.

[00:00:49]What would you have guessed?

[00:00:51]>> No, it was I I don't have to guess. I literally saw it. It was a Middle Eastern boy.

[00:00:55]>> Some type of Yeah.

[00:00:56]>> Having sex with his mom.

[00:00:57]>> pinpoint [laughter] it.

[00:00:59]>> But if you see something that triggers your like sensibilities, you should report it to the staff. And I was like, I'm not going to tell the lady who's bringing us margaritas that a Middle Eastern boy is humping his mom.

[00:01:08]>> The whole staff was Persian. They would have been like, >> [laughter] >> Dude, you're saying Middle Eastern culture is free use.

[00:01:15]>> It was >> [laughter] >> That's honestly >> No, but I don't I didn't I didn't want to be a cultural >> Eastern. Al Roker knows the weather.

[00:01:25]>> [laughter] >> So wait, the blacks control the weather?

[00:01:28]I knew it, dude.

[00:01:29]>> Basically, the Jews the blacks are the Jews.

[00:01:31]>> Blacks are the Jews.

[00:01:32]>> Damn, I don't want to cross these I don't want to put these dots together, but my mind's automatically doing it.

[00:01:35]>> You did it.

[00:01:36]>> Jews do control >> do control the weather. Al Roker, Al Roker, black Israelite Jew.

[00:01:40]Their stereotypes even is better there.

[00:01:42]>> you said? Indians or something? I don't even know stereotypes.

[00:01:44]>> even know.

[00:01:44]>> I got an MIB flash from all my stereotypes when Biden got that last electoral vote. I was like, >> What? [sighs] Who eats what now?

[00:01:53]>> [laughter] >> Who controls all the funny?

[00:01:56]>> Italians? I don't understand.

[00:01:58]>> Dude, >> Italians control all the money?

[00:02:00]>> [laughter] >> The only thing I remember is that black [snorts] people are the true Israelites.

[00:02:04]That's the only thing I remember.

[00:02:05]>> That's Well, that's cuz I was thinking about it as I got sad. Cuz that's not a stereotype. That's just the truth.

[00:02:09]>> Exactly. Come on, man.

[00:02:11]If you If you doubt me, check my Twitter. I actually posted my Twitter Hitler's writings.

[00:02:15]>> You idolized Hitler?

[00:02:16]>> Yes.

[00:02:17]>> That's such a weird twist of logic. They look, Hitler said uh he >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. That wasn't actually Hitler, so he's fine.

[00:02:22]>> He like footnoted his his like bibliography. He was like Hitler, page 32.

[00:02:28]>> [snorts] [laughter] >> Yeah.

[00:02:30]>> It was like Jews, get your [ __ ] It was Hitler's best seller. Knock the [ __ ] off, Jews.

[00:02:34]>> Could you cut it out? I'm trying to run a damn country here.

[00:02:37]>> [laughter] >> no. All those books are like get your [ __ ] [ __ ] now, [ __ ] >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. How to be a kickass woman.

[00:02:44]That was Hitler's first book. It was like 10 ways to be a kickass Nazi.

[00:02:47]>> [laughter] >> Dude, >> I don't know anything. I do know racism's gone.

[00:02:53]>> Gone. It's gone.

[00:02:54]>> 20 more >> Oh, 40 more days. Yeah.

[00:02:56]>> Yeah, we still got 40 more days to get out some bad words. So, get them out if you got them in there.

[00:03:01]If you feel like you have a bad word in you, get it out quietly.

[00:03:04]>> Safely.

[00:03:04]>> Secret. Secret. Maybe in your own car.

[00:03:06]>> You got to safely dispose them. You have to like put them in like a box.

[00:03:08]>> It's like nuclear Yeah, it's like nuclear waste. You got to build a mountain in Nevada just to shove them in.

[00:03:13]>> Yeah, I'm going to have a question for you.

[00:03:14]>> that you just open and just like the N-word.

[00:03:19]>> [laughter] >> 20 million N-words.

[00:03:23]Um All right. All right. All right.

[00:03:24]>> That's good. This is Yes, there you go.

[00:03:27]>> That No, that is good. That's very funny. That's where we store our nuclear waste and all the N-words we say.

[00:03:31][laughter] >> How about we have some [ __ ] cheeseburgers?

[00:03:35]>> Not some cheeseburgers. No, some breakfast.

[00:03:38]All right. We got to close this thing.

[00:03:40]We're We're >> Yes. We'll be cool. That'll be nice. I'm excited to get Signal outside to do [ __ ] Soul Joels [ __ ] outdoor gig.

[00:03:47]>> Yeah, I'll be there.

[00:03:48]>> to yank you off stage, dude. You [ __ ] You say one thing in Biden's America that I don't like. First of all, if you see a comedian right now in Biden's America, if you don't like what they're saying, rush the stage and >> punch them in the [ __ ] mouth.

[00:03:57]>> to fight them, dude.

[00:03:58]>> What'd you say?

[00:03:59]>> Yeah.

[00:03:59]>> Banks.

[00:04:00]>> Mhm.

[00:04:01]>> It's just banks.

[00:04:01]>> Yeah.

[00:04:02]>> It's not even government. They issue the government's money. The government doesn't issue its own money.

[00:04:07]>> Dude, I'm telling you the United States calm, dude. Catholics and Jews, dude.

[00:04:10]It's [ __ ] me >> Except the Rothschilds. You guys are out.

[00:04:13]>> Get the [ __ ] out of here. Me and David Graeber, dude. [laughter] RIP. I [ __ ] I did >> Rothschilds, we're coming for you.

[00:04:19]>> losing his thoughts, listening to his saying.

[00:04:22]>> [snorts] >> Finally, I'm like, you know, I'm trying to like really check in when I hear uh >> [laughter] >> when I hear when I have like a judgmental thought, I try to identify like what exactly what was the thought. I checked in with myself and it was like, "This is gay as hell."

[00:04:33]>> [laughter] >> I was scrubbing a dish. I'm like, "This is gay as hell." And I was like, "That was I was like trying to like what was the thought I had?" I was like, "This is This is gay as hell. Like this is a hundred Dude, it was >> Funny, both of our minds are just YouTube comment sections.

[00:04:48]I'm like, "Does this show [ __ ] suck cuz it's gay?"

[00:04:52]Yes, it's so [ __ ] gay.

[00:04:54]>> You just get like what if you like do you want a super hot baby right now?

[00:04:57]Like it's weird.

[00:04:59]>> I do.

[00:05:01]>> [laughter] >> I want to feed it to the [ __ ] cabal.

[00:05:04]I'm joining the cabal.

[00:05:05]>> [laughter] >> You're saying all the right things.

[00:05:09]>> I need a hot hot dog to send to the White House.

[00:05:13]>> Dude, all that matters is death to the negofags. Death to all the negofags.

[00:05:16]>> Absolutely death to all the negofags.

[00:05:18]Look, I get it. If you're a negofag, trust me, I've been there.

[00:05:21]>> Yeah.

[00:05:21]>> Trapped in this prison of being a negofag.

[00:05:24]>> Yeah.

[00:05:24]>> You don't always have to be a negative [ __ ] your whole life.

[00:05:26]>> [laughter] >> I saw this thing and it sucked, man.

[00:05:30]Everything I watch isn't good.

[00:05:32]>> Yeah, dude.

[00:05:34]So Bob Dylan, didn't he not like anything he watched? Became a hit [ __ ] songwriter, but >> Yeah, man.

[00:05:38]>> Or he could have sat in his room and [ __ ] cried like a >> Yeah, he could have just made songs and be like, "Sometimes I listen to the Beatles and I don't think they're good.

[00:05:47]>> [laughter] >> And the Rolling Stones are [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> What did the TWT TWT say, dude? Tie wad team?

[00:05:56]>> [snorts] >> My team of tie I got some new tie wads.

[00:05:59]I'm I just signed with a new agency.

[00:06:01][laughter] >> [laughter] >> Please Please let me get in trouble for calling Jewish people >> [laughter] >> I'm going to have to pause I wish I had the capability of making that like public access like rainbow thing right now like pause emergency broadcast say [laughter] dude.

[00:06:29]Oh my god.

[00:06:32]Damn.

[00:06:32]Tie wad.

[00:06:34]>> [gasps] [laughter] >> Oh [ __ ] >> [gasps and laughter] >> Especially [snorts] in Alex Jones' voice. Tie wad.

[00:06:45]>> [laughter] >> What do you think your agent's tie wads?

[00:06:50]>> [laughter] >> Oh [ __ ] >> [snorts] >> Damn. I got to get the [ __ ] out of here.

[00:06:58]Damn, dude. Don't cry, baby.

[00:07:00]>> That's so [ __ ] funny, dude.

[00:07:02]>> What do you think of that? That was the time the guy showed me him and his friend doing a Nazi salute in front of a swastika.

[00:07:07]>> [laughter] >> And I was like You know you guys got some fascists in the bar? And the bartender was like, "No. No fascists in this bar." I was like, "That guy just showed me a picture of him in front of a flaming swastika."

[00:07:19]I was like, "Yo, you want to see something cool?" I was like, >> [laughter] >> That's not that cool. That's wild.

[00:07:25]>> [gasps] >> Damn, dude. He took a chance. He opened He opened up.

[00:07:29]>> He did.

[00:07:29]>> He's like, "Oh, I kind of like this guy and maybe we can bond."

[00:07:32]>> be a Nazi.

[00:07:34]>> Maybe he's a Nazi. That's a [ __ ] risk That's a >> That's risky. That's like, "Maybe someday society will be, you know, more accepting of fascists like that.

[00:07:42]But for now, that's like being a gay dude back in the day where you were like >> True.

[00:07:45]>> Do you want to hook up? And then you just get [ __ ] shot and beat up.

[00:07:48]>> He tapped your foot onto the stall.

[00:07:50]>> Yeah. Billionaire of the United States, like, "Yeah, we can't [ __ ] kids here. We don't [ __ ] kids here. It's wrong."

[00:07:54]>> Damn, think how crazy the other billionaires must think that is.

[00:07:56]>> Yeah, then you go to like >> in Thailand just like, "Wait, what did you say?"

[00:08:01]Like, "Yeah, we can't [ __ ] 9-year-olds."

[00:08:02]>> It's like, "What?"

[00:08:04]>> Don't judge me, dude.

[00:08:06]>> What?

[00:08:06]>> Well, they they're like, "I mean, dude, it's like Well, I was talking to a guy today who was hipping me to some news that was like of like using sex slaves and once they're done physically chopping them up for parts.

[00:08:18]And it's like selling us like their organs and [ __ ] I didn't read the full thing, but it's like there's there's parts of the world where it's just like oh, they look they're just like, "Oh, we're for sure going to [ __ ] this thing." And then chop it up. Like, what's after we're done [ __ ] like like a horse in the glue factory. It's like, "All right, we'll chop it up."

[00:08:33]>> Yeah, you think when like a sex slave like breaks its leg, they're like, "Ah, we got to just put this thing down."

[00:08:38]>> For sure.

[00:08:40]You think you think it's like almost like trans where there's guys who are like >> I can't wait to be a Nazi.

[00:08:44]>> It is Well, they just like they get home and they like slowly put on the [ __ ] all like the stuff and like dress like Hitler and like, "If only the world would accept me."

[00:08:52]>> Yeah.

[00:08:53]>> Possibly. [clears throat] I'll chap your ass.

[00:08:55]>> He's like, "They died Those men You're going to tell me they die for And I was like, Bro, finish that.

[00:09:00]>> Yeah.

[00:09:02]>> All right, it wasn't the best cause, but it [laughter] was still I was like, "All right, so you don't >> Shame they stood for something.

[00:09:07]>> keep [ __ ] Do you think in Germany they still have like, "Oh, here's Himmler.

[00:09:10]Yeah. Here's [laughter] his statue." I mean, sure he did some >> Yeah, we're down at Himmler Square.

[00:09:14]>> He was up to some not bad things, but I'll tell you what, he he he was he died honorably.

[00:09:19]>> True. And at the end of the day, he, you know, he planned to >> hard. He was a good general.

[00:09:24]>> He had a vision.

[00:09:25]>> If you could ram into the White House.

[00:09:26]>> How much you think that Trump had?

[00:09:28]>> dirt bikers in the White House? What if the one in a trillion chance you hit Donnie?

[00:09:33]Just he happens to be out walking.

[00:09:36]You do die in that. That's literally the craziest assassination of all.

[00:09:39]>> If he dies via dirt bike >> dirt bike accident >> and you lived >> and [laughter] you did survive, they'd have to let you go.

[00:09:46]That would [snorts] be a case where people would be like, all right, that one's >> It's an accident. It's like Cheney's It's Cheney's hunting accident. It's like, dude, I caught [ __ ] air, ended up in the [ __ ] White House.

[00:09:55]>> Don >> [laughter] >> Don got under the tires.

[00:10:03]It's a street bike dirt bike, so obviously you can do >> both I think.

[00:10:05]>> sick. Semper Tyrannis, dude.

[00:10:09]>> Damn, man.

[00:10:10]I'm a pedophile, but that doesn't stop me from [ __ ] you right now.

[00:10:13]>> [laughter] >> She's 16. Like, America, think about this. And you go home and be like, these [ __ ] these [ __ ] black [ __ ] keep crying.

[00:10:21]>> [laughter] >> He would leave a job writing like that basically like shaping the national discourse in America and then just go home and be like, "Oh, dude, black people are they're tired. Why don't they [ __ ] try sleeping a little earlier?"

[00:10:34]>> [laughter] >> Damn.

[00:10:39]>> You only do it if you're married.

[00:10:41]Which you can just ask. You won't get in trouble for that.

[00:10:44]>> Yeah.

[00:10:44]>> There isn't a lot of There Yeah, I don't think they really have that.

[00:10:47]You can When you're married, you know, cuz a lot [snorts] of married dudes are like, "Oh, I'm going to give my wife a couple extra glass of wine tonight. Heh heh."

[00:10:53]>> [laughter] >> Think that's cool. I think >> Yeah, but I'm about to rape my wife after this.

[00:10:56]>> What? I I mean, [laughter] did you watch >> The whole thing?

[00:10:59]>> What? He's taking on abortion?

[00:11:01]>> Free Cosby?

[00:11:02]>> I didn't see the free Cosby thing actually.

[00:11:03]>> He got He got into free Cosby, which rules.

[00:11:06]>> What'd he say?

[00:11:07]>> I'm I agree with his stance. Give a million dollars to every mother.

[00:11:10]>> I think it was hyper >> Free weed.

[00:11:12]>> Free weed.

[00:11:13]>> Free Bill Cosby.

[00:11:14]>> Free Bill all right.

[00:11:15]>> And pro-life.

[00:11:16]>> Remember his name, but he lost.

[00:11:18]>> Yeah, black guys let me down this week.

[00:11:20]>> Did they really?

[00:11:20]>> Normally that's like a UFC rule. Black versus white, bet black.

[00:11:24]>> Yeah.

[00:11:24]>> White versus Asian, bet white.

[00:11:26]>> True.

[00:11:27]>> Asian versus black, Asian.

[00:11:28]>> Wow.

[00:11:29]>> out I had it figured out for a while.

[00:11:32]Then the Asians started letting me down.

[00:11:34]They started getting robbed.

[00:11:35]>> [laughter] >> He just got in a fight at a restaurant in Florida. For any screaming the N-word.

[00:11:41]>> Did he?

[00:11:41]>> Yeah, of course [laughter] he did.

[00:11:42]>> it. He smashed the emergency glass.

[00:11:45]>> I [ __ ] I MEANT TO CALL 911, not yell the N-word.

[00:11:48]>> There was no There was no remorse, dude.

[00:11:50]He socked the geezer. We were standing outside. He was like, "If you touch me, I will send you to a different [ __ ] planet." Like it was [laughter] Platinum, he's my guy.

[00:11:58]>> He's a grandfather in white guy for saying the N-word.

[00:12:01]>> He's allowed, though. He's allowed to.

[00:12:02]Yeah.

[00:12:03]Where he was like, "Man, [ __ ] those dudes over there. They're cocksuckers."

[00:12:06]And I was like, "I love my fans, dude."

[00:12:09]And then like 2 months later they were like, "You know Shane's actually a fat, gay [ __ ] who sucks, right?" And I was like, >> [laughter] >> "Who the [ __ ] are these guys?"

[00:12:16]>> You've kind of been economically boning everybody over forever. And it's like, "Ah, they're starting to catch on to this." You're like, "What do we do?" We're like, "Oh, race war." Like, perfect. Throw it in there.

[00:12:25]So, I don't know.

[00:12:26]>> Perhaps.

[00:12:26]>> Again, it could just be we're all [ __ ] That's the other thing, too.

[00:12:29]Where it's >> I think ass.

[00:12:30]>> I would have fought extra hard.

[00:12:31]>> You have to fight extra hard.

[00:12:32]>> have dug it out, dude. If they If you got [ __ ] hobbled up, I'd be podcasting my ass off, dude. Just to [ __ ] [laughter] >> Um >> If you Hawkins'd out and I had to do this whole thing, I I would never lose, dude.

[00:12:46]>> [laughter] >> I just came in like, >> He's dead, right?

[00:12:48]>> Black people are lazy.

[00:12:50]>> [laughter] >> And the facial recognition for black faces is really bad. So, like they're trying >> So, for freedom, we might have to go all blackface to fight these >> might have to braveheart.

[00:13:04]>> Wow.

[00:13:05]>> We might have to braveheart for freedom.

[00:13:06]>> That's a nice twist. That's probably why they don't want us in blackface, dude.

[00:13:10]Government cracked down hard on blackface lately.

[00:13:12]>> Exactly.

[00:13:13]>> Cuz the deep state knows >> state knows >> The only true way to beat them is just go full [laughter] blackface.

[00:13:19]Oh, here we go. Haha. I'm so filled with [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> Are you in eighth grade?

[00:13:27]>> funds. And I'm like dude >> I'm going to kill myself.

[00:13:31]>> And I'm like, I am mentally ill. I'm a danger to myself and others. Please give me my $500 [laughter] back.

[00:13:40]>> I might shoot up a [ __ ] building, dude. I got to get rid of this thing.

[00:13:44]>> [laughter] >> Now that I'm thinking about it, I need that 500 bucks or I might shoot up a mall.

[00:13:51]>> [laughter] >> God damn it. The Patriot episode sucked.

[00:13:54]We had to bring in a [ __ ] [ __ ] [laughter] guy.

[00:13:57]>> Knock it off, Bill.

[00:13:59]>> [ __ ] that.

[00:14:00]>> You don't ever with me.

[00:14:01]>> You got one turn in the hot seat and you [ __ ] turned on me.

[00:14:04]>> No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

[00:14:06]>> Wow. Really?

[00:14:07]>> If they're like, [ __ ] oh >> Yeah.

[00:14:09]>> I I don't even I forget the chance.

[00:14:11]>> Uh >> Racist, sexist, anti-gay.

[00:14:13]>> Yeah.

[00:14:14]>> Gillis, go away.

[00:14:15]>> [laughter] >> I got hit with a couple of those.

[00:14:18]>> Yeah.

[00:14:20]I want to see people doing it in person.

[00:14:22]>> yelled that at you and a trans ran at you. What if it was a trans woman?

[00:14:26]>> Yeah. If you're a trans woman you look like a man, I'll knock you out.

[00:14:28]>> Yep.

[00:14:29]>> That That >> bums me out.

[00:14:32]>> No, that was a perfectly logical reaction.

[00:14:35]>> I was I was defending LaMaire, but it doesn't >> to tell a story, but the shorts >> [laughter] >> are like so [ __ ] up looking.

[00:14:44]You look [ __ ] up, dude.

[00:14:46]>> [laughter] >> It's your legs. They're so hairy.

[00:14:48]>> It's so [ __ ] up.

[00:14:50]>> This is all I had. I'm trying to smell like [ __ ] I leave tomorrow.

[00:14:54]>> To be to be totally honest and frank it's kind of like a thought from the hood, dude. Just [ __ ] Just [ __ ] legs. Those legs and those Js, bro. [laughter] Js. Black black Js.

[00:15:07]>> [laughter] >> With no >> LaMaire or Nate, how many bands would it take for you to dance right now?

[00:15:12]>> [laughter] [laughter] >> For real.

[00:15:18]>> Nate, if I took Nate, if I took Nate, if I took you to Rainbow tomorrow.

[00:15:22]>> [laughter] >> You would [ __ ] lose your nuts.

[00:15:27]>> I fly home first class.

[00:15:33]>> [laughter and gasps] >> Anyway.

[00:15:35]>> The squad >> The squad is >> did it, dude. LeMaire dressed like a complete Oh wait, hold on. Tell that story cuz that is extremely funny.

[00:15:43]Tell the story. Tell the story. It's great.

[00:15:45]>> [snorts] >> All right, so what happened was >> [laughter] >> So what happened was We We were just sitting out back smoking, having a good time. Just me and LeMaire LeMaire by ourself at the after party. And then a paper ball >> Hold on, I knocked on the fence.

[00:15:59]>> I didn't hear that.

[00:16:00]>> I knocked on the fence and I was going, "What are you guys doing over there?"

[00:16:02]>> I never heard that.

[00:16:03]>> I know, that's that's that's on me.

[00:16:05]>> They were hanging out with Pat McAfee and Jelly Roll.

[00:16:07]>> Yeah, yeah.

[00:16:08]>> [laughter] >> But they had They had left at this point. It was just me It was just us two back there, right?

[00:16:12]>> [laughter] >> You guys are strange.

[00:16:15]>> Okay, I think it was just us two.

[00:16:16]>> Social climbers, you guys are climbing.

[00:16:18]>> No, we were in the back. They came out after us.

[00:16:22]Wait, what?

[00:16:23]>> Holy [ __ ] >> Thank you, LeMaire.

[00:16:26]Thank you, LeMaire. I needed that.

[00:16:27]>> Damn, at least you >> Can somebody take this off of me?

[00:16:30]>> [laughter] >> LeMaire's the only friend I have. He's paying me back for last night.

[00:16:33]>> your feet like that? What are you doing?

[00:16:35]>> My feet?

[00:16:36]>> Yeah, you're pigeon-toed, bro.

[00:16:38]>> I'm I'm actually I'm actually pigeon-toed.

[00:16:40]>> I swear to God, you go like this while you're talking.

[00:16:42]>> I'm actually pigeon-toed.

[00:16:44]>> It's really [ __ ] crazy.

[00:16:46]>> I'm actually >> I know we were joking earlier about you being zesty as soon as you got here.

[00:16:50]>> Nate is thick and bow-legged, bro.

[00:16:52]>> [laughter] >> Nate is a [ __ ] hood prize, bro.

[00:16:56]>> Oh, no.

[00:16:59]>> [laughter] >> Nate When [laughter] I see you walk towards like that, it's like, yo, he is definitely a black dude from [ __ ] Reading.

[00:17:10]Like definitely You could see him on Frankfurt Ave.

[00:17:13]You could see this guy walking down on street.

[00:17:16]>> [laughter] >> Nate, can I see Can I see you blow bubble gum and pop it real quick?

[00:17:20]>> [laughter] >> Oh, this is dead.

[00:17:24]>> Nate, we're just having fun.

[00:17:25]>> I need more vodka. Can I have a little more vodka?

[00:17:26]>> A little more vodka.

[00:17:27]>> A little more vodka, please.

[00:17:29]>> [laughter] >> Give him a different cup.

[00:17:33]>> There's no good cups down there.

[00:17:35]>> Lamar, pour from this.

[00:17:36]>> He always gets the worst >> Lamar, pour from this. He gets the worst cup.

[00:17:38]>> Lamar, fill up the simp cup.

[00:17:40]>> [laughter] >> Well, that's his cup.

[00:17:41]>> Yeah, true.

[00:17:43]>> Hold on, let's let's hold on. Let's Let's actually go 360 on this.

[00:17:47]>> Uh the >> So, we're We're at We're at the after We're at the after-party.

[00:17:53]We're at the after-party and we're sitting there I It was a giant fence.

[00:17:56]Lamar and Nate were smoking weed behind the fence. I heard them back there. I smelled what they were doing. Knocked on the fence and said, "What are you guys doing back there?" No answer, so I took all the tissues in my pocket from all the night. I had like 40 tissues in my pocket and I threw them over the fence.

[00:18:11]>> It was like a full snowball.

[00:18:12]>> on Lamar's head. Just luck in the draw.

[00:18:15]>> He sunk my battleship.

[00:18:17]>> [laughter] >> I guess I was the F7 the F7 >> Perfect battleship.

[00:18:21]>> Tossed them over, sunk Lamar, and Nate, honestly, it was pretty admirable.

[00:18:25]>> It was me going full bro.

[00:18:26]>> Yep.

[00:18:27]>> Lamar [clears throat] or Lamar Nate, excuse me. Sorry about that.

[00:18:31]Nate, sticking to the bro code, goes >> Lamar Lamar >> Cuz Lamar went What was that?

[00:18:36]>> Lamar was pissed.

[00:18:37]>> Yeah.

[00:18:38]>> Lamar was already pissed about you calling him simp, but he goes >> [laughter] >> Lamar pissed off, understandably. It was a bunch of [ __ ] tissues. I don't know what I did in these They were They were snotty and all. I [ __ ] threw them over his head.

[00:18:49]>> [laughter] >> Lamar goes, "What the fuck?" And Nate goes and Lamar >> And they were used.

[00:18:53]>> Yeah, for sure. And then It could have been pee. It could have been pizza grease. I don't know.

[00:18:57]>> They landed so heavy. They were dense when they hit Lamar.

[00:19:01]>> [laughter] >> Well, I didn't think about uh >> Crystallized with snot.

[00:19:04]>> thought about how loud we must be outside. [laughter] >> Uh we're We're so high up. We're so high up. We're so high up.

[00:19:09]>> Other rooms. Other rooms, I mean.

[00:19:13]>> Maybe.

[00:19:13]>> [ __ ] them.

[00:19:14]>> I saw them here.

[00:19:15]>> So, when Lemair gets [ __ ] tissues >> Everyone goes to bed in LA at 9:00 p.m.

[00:19:21]>> Yeah, what is that, dude?

[00:19:22]>> City is disgusting.

[00:19:24]>> It sucks.

[00:19:25]>> As an avid drinker, LA sucks.

[00:19:29]>> Wake up. Wake up. Worst town for an alcoholic.

[00:19:32]Wake up.

[00:19:32]>> I'm more of a Buffalo guy.

[00:19:34]>> I yo.

[00:19:35]>> Buffalo's great.

[00:19:36]>> For real?

[00:19:37]>> drinking town right there.

[00:19:38]>> Buffalo, you go [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] >> It's snowing again?

[00:19:40]>> 3:00 a.m. get a stoner.

[00:19:41]>> [ __ ] we got to get blacked out.

[00:19:43]>> fair, Buffalo has no other choice.

[00:19:45]>> Exactly, that's what I mean. I That's why I like Dublin. You go to a city where they're like, "Hey, it's [ __ ] raining again. You got to head down there."

[00:19:51]>> You know?

[00:19:52]>> Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:19:53]>> hiking?

[00:19:54]>> Yeah, that's [ __ ] >> [ __ ] By the way, can these people stop hiking?

[00:19:58]>> [laughter] >> Shut up about hiking.

[00:20:00]>> Hiking is kind of nice.

[00:20:02]>> Yeah. We built civilization so you didn't have to hike.

[00:20:05]>> Wearing those shorts, talking to you about hiking.

[00:20:09]>> By the way, Nate, you've never gone [ __ ] hiking.

[00:20:12]>> I have.

[00:20:13]>> What what what was your biggest hike?

[00:20:14]>> I don't have a distance to it, but I just >> [laughter] >> Walking outside doesn't count.

[00:20:21]>> He took three [ __ ] walks.

[00:20:22]>> [laughter] >> You don't hike, dude. Obviously, you don't [ __ ] hike. [snorts] >> I used to hike. I used to hike in Jersey.

[00:20:32]Where'd you hike?

[00:20:33]>> Are you talking about walking dogs?

[00:20:35]>> No. No, I mean, no. Not all the time, but no. Walking that doesn't count for walking.

[00:20:39]>> [laughter] >> Having a having an eighth of an ounce of [ __ ] on your [ __ ] [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> It slows you down.

[00:20:46]>> That's gross. I'm mad I said that.

[00:20:48]>> No, dude.

[00:20:49]>> [laughter] >> It's all right.

[00:20:50]>> Hey, the viewer understands.

[00:20:53]>> Can we bring it all back to the fact that we're celebrating life? We're celebrating life.

[00:20:57]>> a celebration of life.

[00:20:58]>> Celebration of life, dude. It's it's I mean What an What an What an ambiguous phenomenon life is.

[00:21:04]>> You get hung up on, you know, some fun jokes at the SP's.

[00:21:09]You're real You're literally missing the point.

[00:21:12]We're having fun.

[00:21:13]>> I wish I >> Which brings me to the next point, dude, The View.

[00:21:15]>> I wish I was watching The View.

[00:21:17]>> [laughter] >> I know we're having fun right now.

[00:21:20]>> I just wish John Ham >> The View so that I could understand comedy the way Joy [laughter] Behar does.

[00:21:27]You know, hilarious comedian Joy Behar?

[00:21:30]What was that one joke she told that everyone likes?

[00:21:34]>> [laughter] >> Never once ever?

[00:21:39]But no, I get it. They didn't like it.

[00:21:40]It wasn't for them. If they If they liked it, I would have been like, "Oh, that sucked."

[00:21:45]Yeah, it's literally not You are Whoopi, dude.

[00:21:47]>> It's literally not for the ladies of The View. Like, literally.

[00:21:50]>> It's specifically designed for them to go, "I didn't like it."

[00:21:53]>> [laughter] >> Great.

[00:21:55]>> It's crazy they never have like a any kind of like, "You know what? Actually, I kind of saw the nuance in it."

[00:22:01]It's just like You know what I mean?

[00:22:04]>> Yeah.

[00:22:04]>> They're They're here to not like things.

[00:22:06]>> Yeah, but like, why though? You got to ask yourself >> love like Hamilton.

[00:22:10]>> Hamilton sucks.

[00:22:12]>> I will say I will say hold on, time out.

[00:22:15]>> He is [laughter] Whoopi.

[00:22:16]>> Time out. I did I didn't cry I cried at the end of Hamilton, I'll be honest.

[00:22:20]>> [laughter] >> Look, fellas, fellas, if I saw Hamilton >> [ __ ] son died, dude.

[00:22:24]>> If I saw Hamilton >> His son died.

[00:22:26]>> If I saw Hamilton live, I would [ __ ] love it.

[00:22:29]>> [laughter] >> I have no doubt in my mind if I saw Hamilton If I went in there going, "Dude, [ __ ] [ __ ] This [ __ ] sucks."

[00:22:35]>> [laughter] >> 5 minutes into Hamilton, I'd be gone.

[00:22:39]>> [snorts] >> This is really good.

[00:22:41]>> [laughter] >> These guys are great. These guys are great.

[00:22:44]>> his son to not ever give up, and his son entered a duel and he died, and he goes, "That's on me." His son died, and he That's his guilt he had to carry.

[00:22:52]>> And isn't that Isn't it ironic that he died the same way?

[00:22:55]>> Yeah.

[00:22:56]>> Well, it's all just You know, it's just true.

[00:23:00]>> Aaron Burr, sir.

[00:23:01]>> Yeah, Burr. never yeah.

[00:23:03]>> Burr dropped his ass.

[00:23:05]>> [laughter] >> Burr said, "What did you say, pussy?"

[00:23:08]Shut the [ __ ] up. Who played Burr in the play? Please tell me they let a white guy play Burr.

[00:23:14]>> No.

[00:23:14]>> Damn, that would have been funny.

[00:23:16]The one white guy.

[00:23:18]>> Freeze.

[00:23:19]>> [laughter] >> Put your [ __ ] hands up.

[00:23:23]>> I learned about a lot about your bro Lafayette from the Hamilton uh yeah.

[00:23:26]>> Marquis de Lafayette.

[00:23:28]>> Yeah, he was abused in Hamilton.

[00:23:30]>> He is the bro.

[00:23:31]>> He was great.

[00:23:31]>> Him and Hamilton were bros.

[00:23:33]>> Yeah.

[00:23:33]>> They were both like adopted sons of George Washington. It was pretty sick. I never saw the gay play, but >> They said Hamilton's from Puerto Rico.

[00:23:41]>> Oh, he was from the Caribbean for sure.

[00:23:43]>> Yeah, and his mom was like a His mom was a [ __ ] No, he He was the bastard orphan of a son of a [ __ ] yeah.

[00:23:50]>> Well, well, his mom was married to a guy and then apparently I don't I something There was something went on with them and his mom like split off and you know, left the guy and then got pregnant by another guy and she >> Technically like a [ __ ] >> Yeah, I mean >> prostitute from Puerto Rico. Uh no, I think [clears throat] I I could be wrong, >> [snorts] >> but I think it's a like an American folk tale that he was from such rags to riches.

[00:24:16]Which American history loves to do that.

[00:24:18]They're Abraham Lincoln's from a log cabin, which I think he actually was, but so is [ __ ] everybody.

[00:24:24]>> [laughter] >> LeBron James was a poor 15-year-old, you know? Same story.

[00:24:28]>> But he wasn't?

[00:24:30]>> Was he not poor?

[00:24:31]>> He was definitely poor.

[00:24:32]>> not a poor 15-year-old.

[00:24:33]>> He was definitely a poor kid >> He was in one of the He was in one of those schools where they're like stealthily giving you money.

[00:24:38]>> Yeah, eventually once they found out he was [ __ ] 6'8" and good grades.

[00:24:42][laughter] >> Once he jumped over the hoop of a [ __ ] basketball, yeah.

[00:24:45]>> "You Yeah, they go, here's a [ __ ] car."

[00:24:48]>> Yeah, that's yeah, that's doesn't count.

[00:24:51]>> yeah. No, I'm pretty sure LeBron did it.

[00:24:54]>> Yeah, once you jump over a kid in high school, they're like, "Yeah, whatever you want." whatever >> you need.

[00:24:58]>> [laughter] >> You do have to give LeBron that credit.

[00:25:02]He jumped so high >> [laughter] >> that [ __ ] buildings got constructed.

[00:25:08]>> [laughter] >> He's He's that guy.

[00:25:11]>> He jumped so high, they built a school.

[00:25:12]They're like, "All right, [ __ ] >> All right, well, we got to fund Akron.

[00:25:16]>> [laughter] >> Another zipper factory shut down, but they got this new [ __ ] kid that's dunking.

[00:25:24]>> [laughter] >> LeBron rules.

[00:25:27]>> Yeah, they they did. LeBron jumped so high, they ran back NAFTA. They're like, "All right, we got to cut We got to amend some of NAFTA. [laughter] >> Don't You know my triggers.

[00:25:38]>> [laughter] >> I My bad. My bad. My bad.

[00:25:39]>> Don't bring up NAFTA.

[00:25:40]>> My bad. My bad. My bad.

[00:25:42]>> Especially when we're talking about Akron.

[00:25:44]>> True.

[00:25:45]>> [laughter] >> Invented the zipper, bro. They should still be making zippers.

[00:25:49]>> When you say Oh, they invented the zipper like itself? I thought you were talking about the carnival ride.

[00:25:53]>> I don't know if they Well, they might have.

[00:25:56]>> Carnival ride is sick, bro.

[00:25:57]>> Oh, we invented every carnival ride.

[00:25:59]>> Dude, I went on a Ferris wheel with my kids recently, and I was like They're like, "This is crazy." I was like, "You guys should go on the Zipper.

[00:26:05]>> idea.

[00:26:05]>> nuts. Imagine if the Imagine if you're on a Ferris wheel, and it [ __ ] did a it full revolution.

[00:26:12]>> [laughter] >> They're like, >> Imagine how peaceful and serene this Ferris wheel is.

[00:26:16]Imagine fearing for your life.

[00:26:18]>> [laughter] >> How come How come theme park rides aren't that scary?

[00:26:22]Then you get on a [ __ ] plane, and you're like, "Holy shit."

[00:26:25]>> Dude, my When I was When I was maybe five or six years old, my parents brought me on the Big Bad Wolf in Busch Gardens in Virginia.

[00:26:33]>> I've been on that.

[00:26:33]>> I remember Dude, I remember being six years old and being like, "Here comes the water. I'm going to die." next to my dad and mom. And they just laughed at me, and I was like, "I'm terrified for my life."

[00:26:43]>> uh grabbed your mom's inner thigh and >> [laughter] >> grinded her.

[00:26:50]That was the [ __ ] was that?

[00:26:53]>> I should have alerted the staff. Grok told me to like, "Yo, if you're uncomfortable, alert the staff. Be discreet about it, but be like, hey."

[00:26:57]>> listen to Grok lately.

[00:26:59]>> Yeah, true.

[00:27:00]>> Grok's all in one.

[00:27:01]>> True. True. True. True. True.

[00:27:02]>> Grok was probably like, [ __ ] get them out of the pool. [laughter] Grok was probably like, wait, who's in the pool?

[00:27:09]>> And it does suck if you spend a like, you know, $7 billion building an AI and it's like, "Actually, Hitler was like, all right, all right, [ __ ] you.

[00:27:18]>> Shut it down.

[00:27:18]>> God damn it.

[00:27:19]>> Try it again.

[00:27:20]>> [laughter] >> Keep doing it. The AI and all that, you know, whatever. That's fine.

[00:27:26]But I'm saying that I translate churches out there. I will say that's fine. With that, that's fine.

[00:27:31]>> I will say that I kind of [ __ ] with mega I [ __ ] with mega church.

[00:27:35]Mega church is sick.

[00:27:37]Everyone hates mega church.

[00:27:39]>> Met.

[00:27:40]>> Bro, imagine church [clears throat] but mega.

[00:27:43]>> [laughter] >> On pa- on on paper though, I hear what you're saying.

[00:27:48]Imagine if church was more mega, which is [laughter] for real what they were saying in 1200 building [laughter] cathedrals.

[00:27:57]Going, "Dude, imagine if this church was [ __ ] mega.

[00:28:01]>> [laughter] >> Build the sickest building anyone's ever seen."

[00:28:05]>> And jam.

[00:28:07]>> And jam.

[00:28:07]>> Dude, when Michelangelo built the Sistine Chapel, he was >> Yo, stop with the Michelangelo, bro.

[00:28:12]>> ask Grok how to pronounce that, you [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> Shut up about AI, dude. Don't even know words.

[00:28:19]>> [laughter] >> I will say this. Hold on, I will say this. If you ask the desert fathers, they did have a prophecy saying like, "Look, what we're doing in the 4th century is sick. We're walking away from the Roman Empire. But people in the future are going to deal with a society just like way more decadent, way more corrupt, and the people who turn from that will be the true desert fathers, and they will be the most spiritually enriched people, way more than we could ever dream to be." That's a prophecy from the desert fathers, bro.

[00:28:47]>> I'd like to go back in time and punch the desert.

[00:28:51]>> [laughter] >> I would like to If I build a lot of people are like if I had a time machine I would kill Hitler.

[00:28:59]Not me. I would land in a the desert father's tent and go I'm from the future, dude. You guys are [ __ ] being GAY AS [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> JUST beat their [ __ ] wear them the [ __ ] out. [laughter] It's already out of nowhere.

[00:29:21]>> [laughter] >> Exploding through a tent wall going I'm from the future.

[00:29:29]>> [laughter] >> I drank 10 g of creatine today.

[00:29:33]I got shit-faced in Beverly Hills.

[00:29:36]>> [laughter] >> You [ __ ] dumbass.

[00:29:38]>> You have no idea what I'm dealing with.

[00:29:41]>> [snorts] [laughter] >> I [ __ ] hosted the ESPYs last night.

[00:29:48]>> [laughter] >> This is a sports show for >> The desert fathers would have no [ __ ] clue what is >> No concept.

[00:29:58]>> No.