A Foreigner Explaining Filipino Kindness ❤️

本站添加: 2026-05-09

[00:00:00]Most foreigners think that Filipino kindness means that people like them. It doesn't. And if you don't pick up on that early, you're going to misunderstand a lot of situations here in the Philippines. And I definitely had to learn that one the hard way. My name's Christian and I'm half Filipino, half American. And I live here in the Philippines with my Filipino family and friends. So, I'm really not just visiting. I'm around it every single day. And even then, I still got these things wrong when I first came here.

[00:00:27]Because if you've ever been to the Philippines, I'm sure you know being here feels great. People are super friendly. They stare at you with big smiles. It's all good, man, right?

[00:00:38]They're easy to talk to, great personalities, super fun. And the best part for me is that they're super welcoming. They're always offering me food and everybody's always laughing. It almost feels like it's totally different from Western culture or in America if that's where you're from. And it really does feel that way at first, but after spending a bit of time in the Philippines or years and years like me, you start to notice small little situations that you get into that don't make that much sense to you, especially as a foreigner who is half Filipino, but as a foreigner who moved here for the first time, there were lots of things that surprised me and I thought I'd share some of those with you so you don't make that same mistake and so that local Filipinos here understand that there are foreigners who get you, especially if you're coming in with a different way of reading. people. And one situation that really helped me understand the difference was this. Have you ever had somebody in the Philippines who said yes to plans, but then pretended like they didn't say yes in the first place? That was this situation. That exact same thing happened to me. And honestly, it annoyed me at first. So, I was planning to go out to dinner with my wife and a few friends and just chill and have dinner, right? And then it turned out that my cousin Matthew was in the same place as us. So, of course, being polite, I asked him, "Bro, do you want the kuyuk or do you want to come with us to where we're going, one of our friends houses after, right?" And he said, "Yeah, bro. Sure.

[00:02:00]Okay, I'll come right there. That's it."

[00:02:01]So, in my mind, I think, okay, our plans are set. Cool. We have plans now. So, based off of that, we started planning our night. What time we're going to go, whose car we're going to take, who's going to go with us, who's going to go with us, whose house are we going to go to, all of that, right? We were planning around it, planning on him going as well. We were even going to buy like extra snacks and drinks and stuff for us to hang out with, right? I texted him. I said, "Okay, we're ready to go. Where are you, bro?" And he says, "Uh, maybe next time." Haha. So, I I scrolled and I checked our messages again, right?

[00:02:34]And yeah, he said, "Yeah, I'll go." He confirmed it. He said he would go. So, confused. I was confused. So, then I just asked him, "Are you busy?" Okay.

[00:02:43]And then he replied, "No, it's okay.

[00:02:45]maybe next time. And that was the end of the conversation. And I didn't really get it at the time because if you said that you were going to do something, if you said yes, then essentially that means that you said yes and you were going to do it. But after a while of living here in the Philippines, I realized that he didn't even want to go in the first place. He just didn't want to say it to my face. So that yes didn't really mean yes. And it's not just making plans, it's also in conversation as well. And if you come to the Philippines, there's also another situation that can get you into a little bit of trouble, too. And it's not necessarily a bad thing, but when you come here, you're going to think that people like you. And I mean really, really like you. This is a situation you can get wrong very easily. So, just picture this. Imagine you're sitting there, you're having a conversation with someone. It flows easily. You guys are pingponging back and forth. You're talking to each other back and forth.

[00:03:42]The vibes are good. Everybody's smiling and laughing. Conversation ends, right?

[00:03:47]They get up and leave the table or wherever you're talking. And you're sitting there thinking, "Wow, that went really well. I think I made a new friend." You feel like you made a good deep connection with somebody. Fast forward about 10,1 15 minutes later or sometime later in the evening or day and you see them talking to somebody else and you realize they're basically having the exact same conversation they had with you. They have the same energy, the same tone, the same reactions, the same stories. It's deja vu all over again.

[00:04:17]And then you're left thinking, "Wait, I just thought we got pretty close there.

[00:04:21]Weren't we vibing?" But the reality in the Philippines is that this is usually just a normal everyday interaction here.

[00:04:29]People here in the Philippines are naturally kind and very welcoming to everybody. And sometimes a foreigner, a Westerner, an American can take that as they're building a really deep connection deeper than they actually are. If you treat that interaction seriously every time, you're setting yourself up to overestimate the relationships you build here. and you make your mind up on how bad that can turn out. But that's where a lot of the problems can start and then you start noticing it in a in a different way. Not just in plans, not just in conversations, but in how people actually handle their problems. I remember sitting outside one day with family and just talking like normal talking, right, Chica? Everything felt fine. Everyone was still joking and laughing. It was just normal. But then like small things started to change in the conversation. the replies got shorter even like physical distance like people started moving away from each other and this just wasn't just me this was like my family and other people involved so people started to slowly like separate and go their separate ways and I'm sitting there wondering like what's going on why why is everybody leaving? Is everything okay? And then I realized oh okay this was just about avoiding confrontation in in person.

[00:05:44]They didn't want to say anything. they'd rather just distance themselves and leave it at that. And no one even said anything. And that kind of threw me off, right? It kind of made me feel weird because how I grew up as an American, but half Filipino, mind you, but being here and experiencing the culture for the first time, I'm used to people if they feel some type of way about a situation, they'll say it right to your face. You'll know instantly how they feel. But here in the Philippines, people don't really do that. They just what's the word? Adjust. They just adjust to the situation. They'll talk a little less. They'll give a little bit more physical space. Will I explanation?

[00:06:24]No explanation. So, if you're only going to listen to people's words, you're going to miss the real message behind the words. And that's really the thing that you should pay attention to more than the words, honestly, is how they're saying it and what's the vibe you're getting from it. Cuz what's that saying?

[00:06:40]Actions speak louder than words, right?

[00:06:42]So, you should be able to tell. And if you only focus on the words, you might miss what's actually happening. And if you happen to miss those social cues, then you're stuck wondering what happened. And then nobody's even saying anything. So what are you going to do about it? Just an awkward situation, right? And that's how a lot of foreigners or Westerners can can get frustrated here. But it's not something to be intimidated by. It's something to learn from. All you have to do is pay attention a little bit more than what's on the surface and what people are saying. It's that simple. But it can be frustrating, right? Because it can feel like nothing's really clear.

[00:07:13]But once you've been here long enough, you start to understand it. You start to pick up on these cultural norms that are here in the Philippines. And honestly, it's fine. There's usually a reason behind it. And at first, honestly, I thought people in the Philippines were just like super nice. Being around family and being around different groups of friends and people here, you start to recognize a pattern, right? You'll be sitting, eating, talking, and then an issue will pop up. And back home, you better be ready for somebody to deal with that issue directly. here. You really don't. Someone's going to change the topic. Someone says it in a softer way or it doesn't even get talked about at all. No tension, no awkward moment.

[00:07:50]It just moves on. And after seeing that a few times, I really started to understand what was happening. The people here care a lot about keeping things going as smooth as possible.

[00:08:00]There's an attitude here in the Philippines. We call it bahalata, which means whatever. Just whatever. They just want to keep things smooth, which is pretty cool, man. And relationships aren't just one-on-one. It's families.

[00:08:13]It's circles. Everyone here is connected. You go to the mall, you know somebody. You go to the restaurant, you know their cousin. You go to the wedding, everybody there, you know. Just walking on the street, you're going to see people driving in their cars or their motos and you're going to be like, "Oh, hey, how are you?" Everybody knows everybody. Sibu, the Philippines, it's it's a big place. There's like 80s something million people here or maybe more now for sure. But it's a very small place. Everybody knows everybody here.

[00:08:42]And that means how you handle a situation can affect your circle, can affect your friends, can affect your family here on the island. When you start to think macro like that, when you start to think that it affects people outside of just me, you start to understand the reason for bahala. The attitude here. Everybody wants to keep everybody okay. And that's kind of admirable in the Philippines. It feels so smooth, but you have to read between the lines. So, this really isn't about kindness. And as a Westerner, foreigner, as as an American, if you think like this and can see that, then you're going to stop overthinking every small situation or with the purpose of this video, you'll never get into that situation in the first place because you're going to recognize it right away.

[00:09:24]So, stop assuming things mean more than they actually do and start seeing what's actually happening in front of your eyes instead of what you expect to happen.

[00:09:32]And if you've experienced anything like this yourself while you were visiting the Philippines or living here, leave it down in the comments, your experience.

[00:09:39]I'm interested to hear because I know for me it kind of took a lot of situations for me to get here at this point. So, if you've had something like that happen to you, drop it in the comments below. I actually read them and I'll reply. I'm breaking down more of these cultural barriers and things that Western people and Filipinos don't understand about each other every day.

[00:09:57]So go ahead and subscribe, like, comment, most importantly, share with all your friends. Help this video get some traction.