House Of Healing - Dr. Sherrie Campbell

本站添加: 2026-05-07

[00:00:00]After he hit me and I was on the floor, I'd never had a bloody nose before, ever. And it was going down my face and it was warm, and he put ice on my face and went to his room and locked the door.

[00:00:13]When I went in, he was like this.

[00:00:17]And he locked me out and I knocked on the door.

[00:00:20]And he was sitting like that and I put my arm around him.

[00:00:25]And then he said, "If you tell anyone, you're going to send me to jail."

[00:00:31]And I'm like, "I won't I won't I won't tell I won't I won't tell anyone. It was It was my fault, Daddy.

[00:00:39]Cuz I kicked you."

[00:00:42]And he let me live in it and keep it and hold it.

[00:00:48]And I did.

[00:00:50]Cuz I wiggled too much.

[00:00:54]That's who my parents are.

[00:01:06]We have to believe [music] that we're the problem. It's too scary for small children to think it could be their parents.

[00:01:13]My mom, uh specifically, has hated me since I've been alive, from my earliest memory. And my dad was just rageful and out of control and he never really got his life together.

[00:01:29]And so they felt both very dangerous to me and I could feel it in my body.

[00:01:34]In my stomach, I was just sick all the time. There are nine marriages between my parents. Each new person that came in only made me feel worse about my own two parents.

[00:01:47]That they just didn't care. Why is it Why does the victim have to forgive?

[00:01:51]Like Why isn't any responsibility of forgiveness put on the perpetrator who did the unforgiving thing.

[00:01:58]I don't think the victim should have to change. I think the perpetrator should earn that forgiveness from you. What I realized is like they were this way before I came. They were abusive people before I came.

[00:02:12]They remained that way while raising me, and they continue to be this way today.

[00:02:19]I am not what caused my own bad treatment. Parenting or the title of parent allows a protection for abuse.

[00:02:30]Like they almost get a free pass because they have this is my child. I can treat them how I want.

[00:02:36]That's disturbing.

[00:02:38]That's absolutely disturbing to look at parenting as that's what you could do to somebody.

[00:02:44]Parenting should be the most self-actualizing process you could ever imagine going through.

[00:02:51]If you really are tuned to your kids, you will have a love that you will never get anywhere else because children want to have the best relationship with you that they can possibly have, and they're the only people on this planet that would want it like that.

[00:03:12]So every parent has the opportunity to have the best relationship of their lifetime with their children.

[00:03:22]I don't buy into that they did the best they could for where they're at because the bottom line is all of us every day choose how we show up in relationships, and we choose how we treat people.

[00:03:37]It's choice. The whole hope in no contact is that we'll stop the generational trauma, and there will be no need for no contact. If by midlife your parents are still dismissive and want to move beyond how they raised you with no discussion.

[00:03:53]It's It's just a waste of your voice to try to have that talk.

[00:03:57]You have to go inside and work toward radical acceptance. I had to ignore many years of post-separation manipulation and abuse and to recognize that for what it was.

[00:04:10]And I thought, I can't be the only person. I can't be the only person that would think about doing this. So, I'm going to take a risk and I'm going to reframe no contact and I'm going to write about it.

[00:04:26]And I'll just see what happens. I'm either going to get stoned off the earth or I might help another even one person like me who might be on a run right now, sobbing like I was wondering if that decision would be allowed. Is it moral?

[00:04:45]Am I even bad? Is this just proof of how bad I am?

[00:04:49]So, I had all of this running through my mind and I put it into a book. All of it went into But It's Just Your Family.

[00:04:57]There's so much hope. Stay the [music] course.

[00:05:02]As human beings, especially women we overuse fear, anxiety, and sadness.

[00:05:11]Boundaries can only be set by anger.

[00:05:14]Sadness would never set a boundary.

[00:05:16]Anxiety would be too hypervigilant, too overthinking, and fear would just cower. So, anger says no. It says enough. It says stop. It says, here's where you end and I start. These are my boundaries. So, when I say that anger loves you the most, it is the only emotion powerful enough to have you set boundaries because anger says no. People misunderstand boundaries and the way that the literature teaches boundaries to me is backward.

[00:05:49]I believe that we set boundaries for the sole purpose of keeping people in our lives. If I get my feelings hurt and I tell someone, "Hey, when you said this, it really hurts my feelings."

[00:06:03]If that person loves me and wants to stay in my life, they will say, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I could see that a how that hurt your feelings. I didn't mean it that way.

[00:06:13]I said it because of this or this, but I will not do that again going forward."

[00:06:17]So, whenever we're setting boundaries, it's a plea to keep someone in. It's saying, "Please respect me." If someone just continues to violate every boundary you said, you're going to get angry. If you do not expel that anger, you're going to live in resentment. If you pull the word resent apart, it turns into resent.

[00:06:39]So, resentment doesn't go anywhere. You just resent it back to you.

[00:06:44]Anger is [music] really about release and I feel like boundaries are the things [music] that will teach us who can be in our lives and who can't.

[00:06:55]>> [music] >> What do you hope people take away from these interviews?

[00:07:01]That you're going to always be in the process of healing.

[00:07:05]So, like when you see me cry or you see me have the experience, that's just part of the healing process. The wounding itself isn't ever going to go away. As you continue to become more and more integrated into yourself, I think that you will be able to experience that wounding with a whole new level of objectivity, safety, and understanding.

[00:07:30]This is a really big aha moment for me in my [music] therapy.

[00:07:34]She said to me, "Sherry, what if you're not the problem?"

[00:07:44]And then it clicked.

[00:07:47]If I'm not the problem, there's no solution.

[00:08:11]Hold on, hold on. We're dying. Take a moment. That'll be in the outtakes.

[00:08:15]Yeah, that'll be hilarious. That'll be so funny.