How We Relate to Time in Different Cultures

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:02]The other day I uploaded a video about the narcissist misperception of time, how the narcissist is frozen in time.

[00:00:11]It's it to my mind is a fascinating video and I would recommend that you watch it. I have this lifelong obsession with time. My PhD dissertation in physics is about time asymmetry. So I'm obsessed with time and I've been working uh in physics on the issue of time together with other collaborators such as Eton Sach to this very day I'm working on it. Um Eton Satched just published a book titled the chron theory which is highly recommended for those of you who are initiated but today I would like to discuss our attitudes to time general attitudes not not specific to narcissists.

[00:00:52]My name is Sam Vaknin. I am the author of Malignant Self- Love, Narcissism Revisited, and I'm a professor of psychology. So, let's start with language. Language encapsulates and captures attitudes, especially collective attitudes.

[00:01:08]I'm 65 years old. How would I say it in different languages?

[00:01:13]So in Macedonian, in Serbian, in Spanish, in Italian, I would say I have 65 years.

[00:01:25]In Hebrew, I would say I am the son of 65 years.

[00:01:32]In English, in German, in French, and in Japanese, for example, I would say I am 65 years old. And in Chinese I would basically be saying I have just transitioned into 65 years. So let's let's deconstruct and inspect and observe these four attitudes to time.

[00:01:56]Start with Macedonian.

[00:01:59]Yes. Immodini Serbian Spanish Italian. In all these languages people say I have 65 years. In other words, the years are perceived as assets, as some kind of property. You own them the way you own a laptop or a smartphone or a wife or a husband.

[00:02:25]So property relations ownership in these languages the time is perce is perceived as a resource and a resource that can be somehow sliced and diced and divided so that you could own a share of it. Your share your share in my case my share is 65 years.

[00:02:53]It's a curious attitude.

[00:02:57]It's u it's as if time were out there. As if time were out there and every human being is a minor or an excavator and they kind of mine time or excavate time as some kind of crypto asset and then they end up owning as much as as they can.

[00:03:25]And of course, the rate of mining or the rate of excavation is externally determined.

[00:03:33]You can't hasten it or accelerate it.

[00:03:37]You can't decelerate it unfortunately.

[00:03:39]So, you are stuck mining time, farming time at the same rate always.

[00:03:48]And this is the only constraint. But as long as you live, your property increases.

[00:03:54]When I'm 85 years old, if I'm ever 85 years old, I'd be richer in terms of time, temporarily richer than I am now.

[00:04:04]The second attitude in Hebrew is that time is a kind of parent honos in the honos in the Greek mythology. in Greek mythology. Now, Huanos was a bad character and um and there's a problem with devouring all kinds of people. I mean, descendants and so on. We'll not talk about it right now, but in Hebrew, I am the son or daughter of time. It's it's reminiscent of Joseph T's wonderful, amazing thriller, The Daughter of Time. In Hebrew you say I would say sh or shim ben son of time is therefore perceived as a parental function a kind of uber parent.

[00:04:58]Um and the role of time is to raise you to mature you to transition you from infant to child to to adolescent to adult.

[00:05:09]The further you are immersed in time, the further along you are in time, the more the this parental function is evident.

[00:05:20]And so it's a very curious relationship.

[00:05:25]Uh and I couldn't find many equivalents.

[00:05:29]If you know of other languages where people people say I'm the son of time or I'm the daughter of time, let me know. I can't I can't exactly remember. I speak six languages and I read and write 23 others and I'm not aware of uh of another language with this attitude to time. And then there is a classic approach to time.

[00:05:53]Passing time is who I am. I am 65 years old orbin I am. So there is an identity here. It seems that time gives rise to one's identity. And of course, this is very true. There's not there's no identity without memories. And there's not there are no memories without time. Every memory has a time stamp and an emotion stamp. Memories are reconstructed in the mind and they trigger a time recognition and the emotions attendant upon the specific memory also come to the surface and sometimes they disregulate us. So uh identity is very true. Time is identity because time is memory. And so when I say or I am 65 years old uh or in French in Japanese the same That is the closest to reality that I can think of. Time in my view is not raw material or an asset or some kind of property. And I definitely don't regard myself as the son of time. I think time is my worst enemy. Ultimately, it's going to kill me. Um, it's a curious relationship to have with a parental figure. However, time is definitely identity. In the absence of time, there's no identity. We see it in neurodeenerative disorders such as Alzheimer's and so on where cosakov syndrome where time perception is dramatically compromised and consequently consequently there's no long-term formation of memories there's hypocmpal compromise and consequently identity disappears gra not so gradually actually and finally there's a Chinese approach time is a river it's Newtonian in a way time is flux or transition and people and people transition into the year. Now, it's not very explicit in Chinese. There is a language particle in the in the idiom in the expression there's a language particle which usually signifies some kind of transition. So, it's a bit hidden very subtle but definitely there's the feeling of flux there's a feeling of transition into the year. So I would say I am into my 65th year in Chinese. So these are the four attitudes. The narcissist is compromised in all four ways. He definitely does not regard time as property, some kind of property. He of course does not allow anyone to be a parental figure. Um, narcissists have dissociative gaps and so they're it's very hard for them to have a stable identity. They have diffused or disturbed identity. And so there's a problem with identity. And finally, narcissists have a very static view.

[00:08:51]They're frozen in time. They they don't experience themselves themselves as a kind of river or flux or they they are not in transition. They are rigid permanently affixed in time as well as in space and mentally. That's it. A fun a fun few moments I hope.