Why White Men Always Ask White Women About Black Men?

Added: 2026-06-03

[00:00:00]Why do white guys get so insecure about white women dating black men?

[00:00:04]>> of times I've been on dates with white men and they've asked me if I've dated black guys before is ridiculous. I was on a date with this white guy in Chicago last year and he goes, "So, who do you typically date? Is it guys that look like me?" I knew exactly what he was getting at because most white guys will ask this question at some point because they're trying to figure out ultimately if you're, quote, tainted. I literally said to him, "Does it bother you that you think about black men so much more than they will ever think about you?"

[00:00:26]And that ended the conversation, but obviously we didn't go on a second date.

[00:00:30]And I do think he was pretty offended by that. But the amount of white guys, even who are, quote, liberal, who are genuinely threatened and intimidated by you going on a date with people of color is ridiculous. Because it's not just black men if they find out that you've dated a South Asian man, or you've been on dates with women, specifically women of color, they will react similarly.

[00:00:47]Although it is obviously the most pronounced and genuinely disgusted that they will look if you say that you have been on dates with black men. But this is just one example of white men trying to figure out the, quote, purity of the white women they're seeing. And it's a way of resource guarding their own women because they don't like white women seeing other races or other genders.

[00:01:05]Swear to God that a lot of racism is rooted in sexual jealousy about specifically black men, but most other races I've noticed that white men are jealous. And while this is more typically pronounced in regards to black men because of the stereotypes about black men's, there is a lot of envy from white men for men of color for very different reasons. Maybe it's the stereotypes of them being perceived as hard working or dedicated, ambitious individuals, all of things that a lot of white men struggle with. Not to mention the way that a lot of Indian people could come to the US and literally start a business and thrive is really impressive. But it's just crazy how much racism is rooted in jealousy, specifically white men's inability to satisfy women, because that seems to be a problem that quite a lot of people have reported with white partners or husbands. Even with my content, I get a lot of white men in my DMs who want me to bully them or like sexually talk to them, down to them in a weird way. They genuinely have have complexes. I mean, these people are seriously, seriously psychologically upset and depressed over the way that they look. And so, whatever amount of superiority they claim to feel in their white skin certainly doesn't extend to the bedroom. I will just say that.

[00:02:07]>> a lot of white men are really like insecure whenever you like you talk about like you know, you've ever dated a black man or something, they get so insecure about it.

[00:02:15]>> What What's one thing to make a guy more attractive?

[00:02:19]>> Um definitely confidence cuz I feel like a lot of guys are very insecure.

[00:02:23]>> I like that. Confidence is important.

[00:02:25]For real, do you meet a lot of guys that are not confident?

[00:02:27]>> Yes.

[00:02:28]>> Really?

[00:02:28]>> Yeah.

[00:02:29]>> What was the most unconfident man you have ever met?

[00:02:32]>> Um I wouldn't say there's one that was the most, but typically a lot of white men are really like insecure whenever you like you talk about like you know, you've ever dated a black man or something, they get so insecure about it. They say you're contaminated and stuff. Like I've had guys tell me that multiple times.

[00:02:47]>> Really?

[00:02:47]>> Yes, like they >> What's up with these guys, man? They don't sound confident at all.

[00:02:51]>> White men like are the most like unconfident. I don't want to say all of them, but all the ones I've met have always asked the question, have you ever been with a black guy?

[00:02:58]>> I've never asked that question. That's really stupid. Like that doesn't matter.

[00:03:01]Just like be confident like treat the girl good.

[00:03:04]That's wild.

[00:03:05]>> Why don't you ever date white guys? Why don't you give white guys a chance?

[00:03:08][music] It's because every time that I've tried to talk to a white guy, the first question that they always ask me is if I've ever been with a black guy.

[00:03:15]>> [music] >> Like are you afraid that you're just too small or something? Like what is the point of you asking me that? Second that I do say yes, their demeanor changes. [music] Everyone has their own preferences and I just like my men a [music] little seasoned, okay? Sorry.

[00:03:30]>> [laughter] >> Your hair look funny. Yo, miss, are you okay?

[00:03:35]>> Yeah, I'm good.

[00:03:36]>> Y'all need something?

[00:03:37]>> Nah. What did he do to you?

[00:03:39]>> Uh nothing.

[00:03:41]My boyfriend.

[00:03:42]>> Is he trying to steal your purse?

[00:03:44]>> Hold on. Y'all got something y'all want to say to me? Like we cool, is there a problem? He didn't steal anything but my heart.

[00:03:49]>> Yeah, well, my grandpa said that we shouldn't mix with your kind. I'm not buying it. Is he holding you hostage?

[00:03:54]Blink twice if you need help.

[00:03:56]>> You know what? I think I just figured it out. You're mad because your kind want to mix with a real [ __ ] Facts. And look, the thing about it is I didn't do nothing to her. I just laid down that good old horse >> Y'all, well, ever since y'all got rights, all you've been doing is taking all of our women.

[00:04:11]>> If it were up to me, we'd go back to Jim Crow and segregation.

[00:04:15]>> [ __ ] we can go back to Jim Crow, slavery, whatever period y'all want.

[00:04:17]They've been [ __ ] us. They've been wanting this donkey dick.

[00:04:20]>> She only wants you cuz you're athletic and good at sports.

[00:04:23]>> Y'all just mad cuz white women is addicted to black men like crack.

[00:04:27]>> AND I'M A FIEND.

[00:04:29]>> WOO! WHITE MEN DO not like dating white women who have ever dated a black guy.

[00:04:34]Story when Paris Hilton went out with Vin Diesel, and this is when she didn't realize he was a black guy. Remember he came out and he was so ethically ambiguous, people just thought he was Sicilian cuz that was a lie he was telling.

[00:04:44]When then they were out and he let her know, "Hey, I'm like half black." And she got up out of there with the quickness. This is her words, not mine, cuz she was horrified. She did not want to even be seen pictured with him because she knew that would ruin her reputation. If you're waiting for me to give the underlying reason as to why that is a phenomena, I can't help you.

[00:05:03]>> It's because whiteness trumps manhood.

[00:05:06]When white women date black men, they tap into a kind of social dominance that they can only have in these situations.

[00:05:14]And I mean, it's popular, like especially in these elite circles. No matter how wealthy a black man is, people will always say, "Once he gets a white girl, that's going to open up doors for him." That's her social dominance. And she is exerting it all over the place and everybody knows it.

[00:05:32]White men can't compete, or nor do they want to compete with a woman who has achieved that. And once these women have that kind of power, they're not trying to give it up. And hierarchy and pecking order is what's important in these elite circles. And of course, because patriarchy flips everything on women, so they become unclean, mud sharks, or whatever. But in reality, it's just like white men know they are not going to be able to reassert their dominance over her, and it messes them up in the vision and social hierarchy of all of the other elites down there. And in the example of Paris Hilton not wanting to be seen with or date Vin Diesel when she found out that he was half black.

[00:06:17]As her brand wanted to be, you know, elite, white, European beauty.

[00:06:23]You don't use your social dominance in that way. You are not a prize to these elite white men if you are using your social dominance in this way.

[00:06:35]Like, you're not a prize anymore. You're a helper. Ultimately, it's just not what you do. So, yeah. And I know you wanted someone You wanted a white man to answer you. I don't think there's going to be a white man smarter than either of us in this conversation, but we can see what they say.

[00:06:54]>> What's up, beautiful people? Welcome back.

[00:06:57]You know, today's video is honestly one that I've heard so many times online and even in real life conversations.

[00:07:06]And the more I hear it, the more I wonder what exactly is going on underneath these discussions. Because several times I've watched videos online of white women talking about white men feeling so uncomfortable or insecure whenever black men come up in the dating conversations.

[00:07:31]And most of the time they talk about them being asked, "Have you ever dated a black guy? Was he better than me?" All of those things. But when you really think deeper into it, you will realize that all of these open up a deeper conversation about stereotypes, insecurities, masculinity, race, and also how society has conditioned people to think.

[00:07:59]Because somewhere along the line, this idea was created that black men are automatically dominant, more masculine, or sexually superior. But my question is, where did all of this come from? Is it the media, or porn culture, or experience, or fear, or just curiosity?

[00:08:28]And if people truly believe those stereotypes, then what effect does that have on relationships, and even on the way different races see each other? So guys, let's unpack this episode together, and I will also be back to give you my thoughts. Do well to like the video, subscribe to the channel, and as well support the original creators who inspired this conversation. Thank you.

[00:08:58]>> Dr. Hacker, it doesn't appear as though you're really painting a very pretty picture of white people in general in so far as you see white-black race relations. Can you expand on this sir?

[00:09:10]>> Well, interestingly, you use the phrase race relations. I don't think there are many relations between black and white people.

[00:09:18]What I would say very simply is that those of us who are born with this pigmentation have certain privileges, things we can take for granted, you know, we have the safety, the security. So uh we don't want to lose this. Now, this also means that and here's the uh, unpleasant part, that so much of our safety, security, status comes from putting down black people, saying, "We're not like them. We're Europeans.

[00:09:47]We're more highly evolved, you know.

[00:09:48]We've got talents they don't have." And that's where you get, you know, the flip side of this, which really is the ugly side of racism.

[00:09:55]>> Mhm.

[00:09:56]Well, how much does, uh, sex and sexuality really have to do with, uh, race relations, particularly between white men and black men?

[00:10:07]>> Well, if you take white men and black men, let's take it two ways.

[00:10:10]>> Okay.

[00:10:11]>> If a white man is walking down the street, and he sees a couple, a very attractive black man, really masculine, and with him a very attractive white woman, you know, very white, we'll make her blonde, you know.

[00:10:27]He looks at that woman, and he wonders, this is the white man, "What does she see in him? What do they do together?" And it really drives him, us, up the wall, because she's a woman who could choose, you know, a white guy, but she chooses a black guy, and that really bothers us. And as a result, what we want to do is some way take that black man away, you know, because we begin to say, "Hey, is she having a better time with him, you know, in various ways, than she can with me?" And so, he's competition for us, and you know how people react to competition.

[00:11:04]>> [music] >> As a black woman, this has even happened to me. Like, the way that black men are living in other other races' minds is insane. Like, when I got with my ex, who is Greek, like I live in Greece, when I got with him, and we were like fighting and everything, I called his peepee small. Now, is it small?

[00:11:32]No.

[00:11:34]Yes, relative to what I have experienced, maybe it would be considered small. That's not the point here. Then he goes, "I'm sorry I can't be a black man. I'm sorry I can't be a black guy."

[00:11:46]What? Who said anything about black men?

[00:11:50]Who Even in Greece, they're still thinking about black men. It is truly insane. And maybe it's not exactly like this girl because she's obviously I don't know if she's white, but she's obviously not black. But it's just the way that like this is legit happened to me where people will ask me, "Oh, have you been with someone bigger than me?

[00:12:10]Like what race was he?" Why do you care?

[00:12:13]To me, it's so strange. Like why do you want to sleep with him? Like [clears throat] I I genuinely don't have an explanation for it, but it all feeds into this overall of like racism and prejudice that is just so confusing to me. Why is a black man's pee-pee in your mind as a straight man? And to see that this is even happening to the other girls and they're like saying things like, "Oh, I hope you don't get with a black Why?" Like do they really like I one time heard from a guy that he felt like a like I don't know how code words to use. But he felt like a woman's parts stretch out. And so the thought is like he didn't want to be with the girl who was with a black guy because her parts would have been stretched out and obviously he is not confident in his own size. So much so that he's just like, "Just don't don't talk to black guys. Don't do anything with a black man because he feels like those parts are not going to fit him anymore." Oh my god. Guys, can we go back to sex? Like what is happening here? It's truly concerning.

[00:13:22]And like as a black woman, I feel like the reverse doesn't happen so much. I don't hear about it at least. Where I've heard about like what the girl was saying in the video, I've heard about that so many times. Like but if we're going to switch it right, I don't ever really hear white girls saying, "Oh, you you never you should never get with a black girl." Like do you guys really Do you guys hear that? Have you had experience with that? Like I just don't really understand where where that's coming from. Where is that coming from?

[00:13:53]And the fact that this is happening to so many people from different nationalities, it's like what the [ __ ] guys? Like chill. It doesn't matter. I promise you the race does not matter. Look, if that girl was going to leave you, I mean why would she be thinking about that? Like that's just so weird.

[00:14:13]>> This may be a surprise, but if you ask me, white men probably fetishize black men's bodies the most. Although not always sexually from a space of gratification, but through this vicarious consumption of black men's bodies, we see it mostly to me in sports, but also in porn, in the arts, etc. We see it in how white men sexualize and castrate a black man during lynchings. And the most heinous acts of white terrorism from the past from Rosewood to Tulsa to St. Louis were often in the name of protecting the virtue of white women from black men.

[00:14:42]Basically since slavery, black men's sexuality has been imprisoned by this intersection of racist and misandrist violence. And over time, as with many cultural taboos, in a conservative society, it has turned into genuine fetish and kink. Myths about the size of black men's penis, black men as excellent lovers, the celebration of idealized black men's physiques, a bevy of sex toys meant to resemble the mythologized disembodied phallus of black men, along with more than a few jokes, tropes, and myths about black men's sexuality. Things that aren't only fetishized by white men and women, but men and women of all races, black women included, and black men as well. Black men today still participate in and or reject this image and what that means for us in terms of sex. To start and this is something that will be repeated of all the things stripped from us as men, this mythology is one thing that while distorted, we still have some level of agency over and in many ways it's a key component to some of us finding avenues for success and personal capital through our arts.

[00:15:44]>> For some reason the sort of elite kind of enlightenment white men have always obsessed over men's bodies and we've seen that a little bit here and there and yeah, we also know that Grindr crashed during the RNC and blah blah blah.

[00:16:00]And we do know that our fearless leader loves to like touch very handsome men.

[00:16:07]But I'm not going to get into like sort of the the the sort of sexual preference or anything. This is really about how these men through history have always sort of ogled men's bodies.

[00:16:22]And at the same time in his in the past when the Atlantic slave trade and the middle passage was going on the scientific revolution was also exploding. So, what did these sort of uh budding scientists get fixated on?

[00:16:41]Black bodies with phrenology and all of that, but there's more to that.

[00:16:46]With phrenology they were trying to prove that like according to skull shape, you know, African men had like smaller brains or smaller intellect according to white men. Yes.

[00:16:57]The yeah.

[00:16:59]And I studied this in research with my my book um which takes place on a plantation in the 1760s. So, this is this is what I've been reading for the past like 2 years.

[00:17:12]And so what I mean by this is that there were instances where these these these men, these writers and stuff were writing just about how how how the the black body in specifically was like made for like high performance.

[00:17:32]Which, you know, you can equate that nowadays with like sports, athletes, artists, and things like that. But, there was like this obsession that enlightenment white men had about black bodies. Men, and yes, women, but like the men, it's gives a there's a residue there.

[00:17:52]>> So, I am replying to this guy because I find it very interesting the points he's making, okay?

[00:17:59]And he turns out to have written a lot about himself.

[00:18:02]Um he says, "Ghana is popular with Western women. It's like Thailand, except for white women looking for black men."

[00:18:09]Um something I have noticed is white men are absolutely obsessed obsessed with the sexuality of black men. I am a heterosexual woman and dated all types of men, truly.

[00:18:21]All kinds of men. And um I have to be honest, white men are obsessed with black men.

[00:18:27]They're obsessed. They are totally totally hyper fixated on the sexuality of men, not just black men, I suppose.

[00:18:34]Men who are not white. They're absolutely hyper fixated um on their sexuality. And to to the point that they ask questions like this or make points like this. I've had white men ask me about, you know, ask me intimate details about men that I've dated in the past. This is also connected to the comments I got yesterday. Multiple comments there were, like over 10, from white men saying, um you may hope and pray or um you know, watch out in case you or your family get raped by a black or white man. That's actually what they said, and I could go through and compile like a video of the of the comments, but I can't be asked at the moment.

[00:19:12]Um But, yeah, they're absolutely hyperfixated. And I just want to make it really, really clear again.

[00:19:18]Um the most scared I've ever been is when I lived uh in Ardoyne Lee in East Belfast.

[00:19:24]Um I just made a video just there showing you places I've traveled. Lived in Ghana, like I said, for 3 months. Um I was working in Ghana, like I wasn't there for And it's funny that you're you're projecting again because white men go to Thailand. So, you're assuming that the only reason I would go to other countries is for sex. But, yeah, like I say, I've traveled around the world. Um and the most threatened and the most scared that I've ever felt in my entire life was walking home at night through Ardoyne Lee.

[00:19:54]Um I remember whenever Uber came to Belfast, I was like saying, "Fuck."

[00:19:58]Because it was really hard to get a taxi sometimes, you know, on the phone. And I was like saying, "Fuck." Because I was so scared walking home at night in East Belfast.

[00:20:05]And yeah, your um hyperfixation on sex for everyone, but in particular for women and men of color shows me that there's really, really, really something to be concerned about with you and all of you swines who comment like this.

[00:20:23]>> You know, whenever I come up across videos like this, one thing that comes into my mind is that something psychological is going on here because why would a man immediately think about another race the moment he starts dating somebody?

[00:20:47]Isn't that weird to you as well? Because to me, it's really, really weird.

[00:20:52]But, also to me, I think this whole conversation also shows that the society has created this strange competition between races, especially when it comes to masculinity and attraction.

[00:21:08]And also, let's not forget that social media has even made it worse because for years people have pushed these stereotypes that black men are automatically more masculine, more attractive, more dominant, or more sexually superior.

[00:21:28]You will hear it music, podcast, jokes, movies, and especially online spaces, right?

[00:21:39]So, now some people internalized that idea so deeply that they begin to compare themselves before even the relationship starts properly.

[00:21:51]But personally, I think stereotypes are dangerous in both directions.

[00:21:59]>> [snorts] >> Because on one side, some white men may start to feel insecure or intimidated because of the image society created in their mind.

[00:22:12]And also, on the other side, black men get reduced to stereotypes instead of being seen as regular humans with different personalities, looks, or experiences. And I think that's the deeper part people don't really talk about enough. At the end of the day, I think confidence should not come from comparing yourself to other group of people. Another thing I noticed whenever I come across conversations like this is these women talking about how shocked they felt when uh they hear all of these like how certain white men uh seem to be so with this topic or black men, right? And I can honestly understand where they're coming from because imagine you're just getting to know someone and the person is already asking you strange comparison questions like, was he better? Was he better? Uh, do black men do this and that?

[00:23:23]Like all of those comparison questions, it makes you feel uncomfortable and just like that, you find that the relationship has already gone the wrong way because nobody wants to be interrogated like, I'm starting a new journey with you, so why are you so concerned about what I did in the past?

[00:23:44]Like, must it go that deep?

[00:23:49]So, to me that says insecurity is becoming more normalized in modern dating.

[00:23:55]And also social media has damaged people's confidence a lot. Nowadays, most of the time when I come across, like, conversations about dating, most people talk about money, body count, looks, height, race, status, like everything. So, now sometimes that makes relationships to start from fear instead of genuine connection.

[00:24:25]I also think porn culture has played a huge role in these conversations because a lot of racial fantasies and stereotypes became exaggerated online to the point where now people confuse fantasy with reality.

[00:24:43]That's why I always say when people stop seeing each other as human beings and start seeing each other as stereotypes, dating becomes unhealthy very quickly.

[00:24:56]But I always see in the comment section people tell me not to care.

[00:25:01]And they enjoy all of those stereotyping and all of that. So, I raise my hand and I'll be like, "Okay.

[00:25:11]If you're enjoying, no problem. But, do not cry later when things don't go the way you want, right? Anyway, guys, thank you so much for watching. What is your thought about this topic?

[00:25:26]Let me know that down in the comment section.

[00:25:29]I appreciate you always for supporting me so much. And do me a favor to take very good care of yourselves because when next I will be uploading another video, I want to see you back and we are interacting as a family that we are.

[00:25:47]Love you all and see you soon. Bye.