CHILDREN OF THE CENTAUR by Lisa Tuttle

[00:00:16]I think we're very careful.

[00:00:37]Children of the Centaur by Lisa Tuttle.

[00:00:42]This story was published in the September 1984 issue of Amazing Stories magazine, read by Daryl T. Smith II for my channel Quazar Spectra.

[00:00:57]children of the centaur.

[00:01:02]The settlement of dawnlight smelled of dust and feathers. There were awkward flappings and rushing blurs of blue and white as startled birds left their perches, and the pale yellow dirt puffed up in tiny clouds from the roads as hopping fist-sized creatures made for the shadows. The intruders, seven people, looked around uneasily at the deserted buildings. The air was heavy with undisturbed silence and sunlight.

[00:01:30]Bird droppings modeled the walls, changing the two bright colors, making their pinks, blues, and yellows more possibly a part of the landscape. Bird nests and the fragile traps and homes of insects softened the man-made angles.

[00:01:46]Nature, with the assistance of time, was absorbing the town, altering its alieness.

[00:01:54]The local creatures had obviously accepted it as part of the landscape, as if it were no more than a tumble of rocks thrown up in some planetary disturbance. They don't expect the humans back, thought Brill Fabota. The birds and the insects know they're gone for good. But where?

[00:02:15]He glanced at the others, all frozen like himself on the outer circle of the settlement known as dawnlight.

[00:02:23]Momentarily reluctant to penetrate deeper, afraid of what they might find, Shandra Tibbis, leader of the expedition, caught Brill's wandering eye and spoke to the group. Her voice, clear, deep, and resonant, broke the momentary spell which had held them. The floater probes found nothing, she said.

[00:02:45]That doesn't mean there was nothing to find. Although indications are the dawnlight is empty of everything but these frightened birds and harmless insects. Truly, we don't know what we may find inside. We must all be on our guard, remembering that this is a strange, possibly very dangerous place.

[00:03:06]Something happened to the first settlers after all. We want to find out what happened, but we don't want to fall victim to it ourselves.

[00:03:15]Be careful. Take all precautions.

[00:03:18]She hesitated, staring thoughtfully at two figures, a woman and a girl. By the way they stood, it was obvious that they did not consider themselves a natural part of the group.

[00:03:31]Slea, said Chandra, speaking to the woman, "If you and Dra would like to wait." But she had said the same thing back at the ship where waiting might have been sensible, and they had refused.

[00:03:45]We're coming," said Slea in a colorless tone, just as she had said the first time.

[00:03:53]Chandra sighed and caught Brill's eye.

[00:03:56]He gave her back an almost imperceptible nod. "Yes, he would keep a sharp lookout for those two unpredictable members of the group." "Let's go," said Chandra, and she turned and led the way. Dawn light had been built on a treeless plateau about 2 kilometers from the calm golden brown ocean. To the north was forest. East and south stretched flat grassy plains. The colonists would eventually have turned to use as farmland, but the colonists had not stayed long enough for that. The settlers had built their town of synthetic materials. The houses were small and similar in design, pre-fabricated to be thrown up in a day.

[00:04:41]They were in pastel shades of pink, yellow, and blue. The birds and other small animals living in dawnlight now had left more of a mark upon the bland sameness of the town than had the lost colonists. As Shandra led the others deeper into the rows of small buildings, the streets spiraled out from a central plaza. They all began subtly to relax.

[00:05:07]There were no bodies here, no signs of bloodshed, no lurking enemies, no obvious danger. From the looks of the quiet, tidy houses, everyone had simply walked out one day, never to return.

[00:05:21]Over 450 people had been on the first colonial expedition to the planet known as Bright Angel. Where had all those men, women, and children gone?

[00:05:32]Bril noticed that Slea and Dara were hanging back from the others, and he too fell back to watch them. After a few minutes, they began walking in decidedly the opposite direction from the rest of the group. Sulea, Avan's daughter, and Dra, her pathic child, intrigued Bril.

[00:05:52]Throughout the long space voyage to Bright Angel, he had made repeated attempts to get to know them, attempts that were forever frustrated or simply ignored. They did not belong on this expedition at all. It was in compassion for Sulea and admiration for her famous mother that Shandra Tibbus had allowed the pair to join the expedition.

[00:06:15]Slea was the daughter of Avran Ree, a nearly legendary explorer and most recently a member of the Dawnlight colony. She had been the first to explore Bright Angel and knew more about the planet than any other human. Yet, Slea knew no more about Bright Angel than anyone else. Still, Bril could understand Shandra's decision.

[00:06:40]What he could not understand was why Slea had wanted to come. Slea and Dar were joined together in total empathic contact. Together they were one unit, self-contained and aloof from the rest of the world. Bril knew what pathic sharing was, and he could not understand what had brought Sulea and Dar to Bright Angel when the only world they cared about was encompassed in the circle of their joined minds. Bril made no attempt to hide himself or stay out of hearing as he followed, but the two figures ahead never turned to look back and seemed totally unaware of his presence.

[00:07:20]They approached a small blue house with the name Avan Ree picked out in chips of pink stone to the left of the door.

[00:07:29]Flapping wildly, alarmed by their approach, a large white bird flew out of the window. Slea turned, watching the bird, and saw Bril, her face tightened.

[00:07:41]Why do you follow me around? Dra turned now, and also watched Bril. She had her mother's brown eyes, but in her face they appeared flat and inscrable. They did not shine as her mothers did. Bril had never seen her reveal emotion. He looked back at Slea. "We're supposed to stay together," he said. It could prove dangerous, especially to a pair as inexperienced as yourselves. When you agreed to come on this expedition, you agreed to follow the rules. We don't know what happened to the Dawnlike colonists, and we can't afford to take foolish risks like going off alone. But why should you follow me? I noticed you slipping away. Besides, I didn't notice any of your other friends rushing forward to go with you. To his surprise, she flushed at the feeble sarcasm. "You always follow me," she muttered. "Even on the ship. I didn't realize it bothered you so," he said. "I'm sorry, but I was curious to get to know you, and on such a small ship with so few people." "Well, someone new was a novelty, a relief, I thought you might get the same pleasure talking to me."

[00:08:59]The others didn't think I was such a novelty. I suppose you make most of the others uncomfortable. It's the same for me, she said. Dar and I do fine on our own. Trying to know other people is pointless, silly, shallow. After knowing Dra, the struggle doesn't seem worth the effort. Brill said. You can think that as long as you have Dar, but if you were to find yourself alone again like other people, it's a waste of time talking to you. Bril watched as she turned away from him. He was tense with the need to talk to her, to spill out the words long unsaid that no one else could possibly understand. But Slea, Slea might be able to understand if she would listen to him, but not now. He made himself relax and followed her inside her mother's house. Slea looked around uncertainly, almost reverently, thought Bril, as if she had found herself in a church. Why, if she cared so little about other people, had she come all this way in search of her mother? Dra had seated herself on a low bench beneath the back window and was blankly staring out, apparently indifferent to her surroundings. Bril noticed a similar and very welcome piece of furniture, the computer terminal. He went to it and punched up the index, staring into the blank green sea of the screen as he waited for the results. Most of the listings in the index were, as expected, the usual core library of science, history, literature, music, medicine, and so on. More interesting to him were listings for entries dealing with life in Bright Angel's first colony, including the official daily log. If it did not hold the answer, the log would surely provide some clues. Bril called it up. No information for that call number. Bril stared at the words in disbelief, then tried again using a slightly different command. The white words flashed on the screen again.

[00:11:16]So someone had wiped out the log.

[00:11:21]That same someone, as Bril quickly discovered, had also eradicated all other entries pertaining to life on Bright Angel. Anything that might have held the slightest clue was gone.

[00:11:35]Chewing viciously at his lower lip, Bril turned away from the console and saw Sulea holding something small in her hands and gazing down at it with great attention. "Find something." He crossed the floor as he spoke and intercepted her half-conscious movement to put the object behind her. "Ha," he said, catching hold of it. "We share." He looked down at what he held. Within the holographic cube, a young girl looked pensive, then smiled, then danced in a frilly white pedicote. Had the girl not looked so alive, happy, and normal, Bril might have thought it a miniature Abdara.

[00:12:19]You? Slea nodded sullenly. He held it out to her. I'm sorry. I was rude, but I just found out that somebody got to the computer before us, wiped out all memory of anything the colonists might have written which could have helped us. And then when you looked as if you were hiding something. Well, after all, we're not here to play games, but to find the answer to a mystery.

[00:12:46]She stared at the cube in his hand, not reaching out to take it.

[00:12:52]May I keep it or is it important evidence? I did say I was sorry.

[00:13:00]She took the cube and looked at him scornfully.

[00:13:03]I came here to find my mother. I'm not so stupid that I'll hide anything that might help us find her. I don't understand.

[00:13:13]She looked at him remotely. No, of course you don't.

[00:13:18]Tents blossomed in the meadow below dawnlight. Brill and Chandra shared one tent, Slea and Dra another. Langu, Beck, Andia, M2, and Gabriillo Setsu each had their own tents. So much space and open air were luxuries after the long enclosed voyage. The first meal after landing was a group feast, happy and noisy in the middle of all the tents.

[00:13:47]Only Slea and Dra did not join. Just as on the ship, they remained apart, making their separateness from the rest of the party a physical boundary whenever they could. Bril looked at their tent, the gray walls all snugly tied down, and wondered what they thought inside. Were they contemptuous of the empty talk and loud laughter from without? such crude, imperfect methods of communication, he thought. Inside were two who knew each other so intimately that they might not even be able to tell their thoughts apart. But what need to differentiate?

[00:14:26]Brill felt lonely, lonelier than he had felt in years. Chandra slipped her arm around him and pulled him a little away from the table. What's wrong, sweet? He hugged her as shakily grateful for her presence as if she had pulled him back from a dangerous edge. "Let's go somewhere we can talk," she said. Bril glanced around at the others. And the ex-soldier was getting drunk and singing a body song. Langu Beck was chuckling to himself about something while young Gavillo was eating his meal as earnestly as he did everything else. "Let's go in," he said. As they walked back to their tent, Shandra said, "I'll be glad when the floaters come in tomorrow and we can get to work on clearing this up.

[00:15:16]You think it will be that simple?

[00:15:18]Something the floaters will show?"

[00:15:21]She looked at him calmly. I think the floaters may well find our missing colonists for us. Whether or not they'll be in any condition to explain what has happened to them, why the town was abandoned and all communications with the outside cut off, I don't know. But there may be a logical explanation, one we can understand.

[00:15:44]There very frequently is.

[00:15:47]They entered the tent.

[00:15:50]You think they all walked away? Well, there are no bodies, no signs of struggle, the erased memory banks. I think somebody walked away, whether it was disease, madness, mass murder. She smiled and stretched out luxuriously on the pillow floor. It will be fun to find out. I'm glad we're here at last. Bril stood looking down at her, thinking disjointedly of the years they had spent together, of her strength, her courage, her beauty. She was a long, lean, mahogany colored woman with short, tightly curling hair. She cocked her head. Why so sad? I'm just thinking. 8 years. And it makes you sad? He shook his head, smiling a little. Shall I make us some tea, please? the green tea.

[00:16:45]Brill busied himself with a pot, tea, and water. Aware that Shandra was still watching him closely. She said at last, "I'm happy. Can't help but be that we're here at last. A new world makes me excited. I feel alive." "It's your life." Brill said. "You're a wanderer."

[00:17:07]But you, Bril, what about you? Why do you go on wandering? Is it for love of the life or for love of me? A bit of both, he said. In earlier days, he had found his love for Shandra and love for travel inextricably bound. He had no more thought for wanting to stop exploring than he had to stop loving Shandra. But lately, someday, said Chandra, you'll want to stop traveling and find your home. Bril poured out two steaming cups of tea.

[00:17:42]"Someday perhaps I will too," Shandra added, her voice wistful. "You think so?

[00:17:49]If I find what I'm looking for? Isn't that what wanderers are? People who've never found their home?" Brill smiled.

[00:17:57]"You think all this time you've been looking for the perfect place to settle down? It's possible. After all, Avran Ree gave up traveling after exploring Bright Angel. She joined the first colony. Bril handed her a cup of tea and settled himself carefully onto the cushions beside her, holding up his fragrantly steaming cup so that it would not spill. One of the greatest explorers of our time, Chandra said. Aan Ree, I never met her. I hope we find her so I can ask her face to face why she chose Bright Angel. Was it to be her permanent home or was it only a rest? Can a wanderer ever lose her restlessness?

[00:18:42]She blew on her tea to cool it and glanced sideways at Bril.

[00:18:47]It was only for her sake that I let Slea and her child come along. I set aside all my reservations, my better judgment, agreed to put up with that stone-faced brat of hers, all because my hero, Afran Ree, by some accident of nature, happened to have motherthered her. But she might know something, something her mother told her. Shandra shook her head, smiling Riley. She doesn't. It was sentiment. Pure sentiment on my part.

[00:19:19]There was no other reason. she sighed.

[00:19:23]Except that I drank too much at dinner that night, excited by the mission. She sipped her tea, made a face. Brill stared down at the shining circle of his tea. He thought of Slea with her daughter, the two of them in their tent, curled together on the sleeping pad like twins in the womb, like the two halves of one brain. "Do you know who she reminds me of?" he asked. your sister.

[00:19:52]Surprised, Bril looked up quickly and caught, or thought he did, a vague hint of uneasiness in her face. How did you know, Bril? Really? She smiled, shaking her head reprovingly. You just mentioned that we'd been together 8 years. In that time, I've come to know you well. I know about your sister and how much she meant to you. know as well as I can since all I know is what you've told me all these years after the fact. Of course, the relationship between Slea and Dra would bring to mind your relationship with your sister. You've told me what it was like when your sister discovered there were others like herself and left you to be with them. How your whole life was torn apart. Of course I know, Bril.

[00:20:42]For years I thought she would come back to me, Bril said. For years and then all the years spent hopelessly trying to find someone else with whom I could be.

[00:20:54]Well, with as I had been with my sister.

[00:20:59]What do you suppose Solea will do?

[00:21:01]Shandra asked softly. How will she take it when her daughter grows up and leaves her? Bril sipped the slightly bitter tea. Perhaps Dra won't. After all, they're mother and daughter. She learned about the world from Slea even before she was born into it. She might take separation as hard as Slea would. Slea, after all, has lived alone. Dar has never existed without Slea's consciousness enveloping hers.

[00:21:33]He paused and sipped his tea again. But if Dra does leave her, I know what it will be like for Slea. I know just what it will be like.

[00:21:45]It was much later, and Bril had left Shandra sleeping and gone outside the tent when he heard the scream. He shot one glance at the guard, which was registering the scream, but no other disturbance. The scream had come from Slea's tent, and Bril ran there, knowing that the guard would soon alert the others.

[00:22:05]Slea was sitting up in bed, hugging her sleepy daughter close. What happened?

[00:22:11]Slea's pale face darkened in the moonlight. Nothing. I had a dream. A nightmare, that's all. Dra stirred sleepily in her mother's grasp and yawned. She seemed as unconcerned as ever, which Brill found curious. Surely mother and daughter had shared the same nightmare. If so, why had only one of them found it frightening enough to scream and wake up? Does this often happen? No. Just let us go back to sleep. I'm sorry if we What's going on?

[00:22:46]Shandra came into the tent. Bril. Slea had a nightmare. Brill said, still watching the figures on the bed. Nothing to worry about, she says.

[00:22:57]I'll tell the others. Brill. She touched his arm and he turned to look at her.

[00:23:03]You won't be too long. He put his hand on top of hers. No, I was just taking a walk to tire myself. I'll be in soon. He watched her leave and turned back to Slea. I could give you a sleeping pill, he said. I'll be fine.

[00:23:21]You seem upset still, Bril said. I don't think you'll find it easy to fall asleep. It might help if you talked about it. Slea glanced down at Dra, now asleep in her arms. The nightmare that Dra didn't share. Oh, but she Slea bit her lip and settled her daughter back on the bed. Come for a walk with me, Bril said. The sky is lovely. The moons are bright. Talking about it might help. At last she nodded, still not meeting his eyes, stood up and pulled on a robe.

[00:23:58]They left the tent together. Eerie in the darkness and the silence, a big white bird flew past close to the ground. Bril felt Slea move closer to him, and he had to stop himself, remembering the way she had retreated from him and from others in the past from putting his arm around her. "What was the nightmare about?" he asked abruptly. Dar leaving you? She drew in a breath sharply. No, I don't expect you to understand. I understand very well.

[00:24:33]In the dream, Dara and I were standing on a large flat yellow plane. It was here on Bright Angel. We both were dreaming this. We always dreamed together. We saw some figures in the distance traveling in our direction. And at the site, we were both filled with excitement and a strong sense of eager anticipation.

[00:24:56]Although the creatures were too far away to be seen clearly, we knew what they were. They were centaur, the creatures my mother found so fascinating about Bright Angel. You've probably read of them or seen pictures.

[00:25:12]Into his mind came a brief visual memory of a herd of large 4-footed animals which looked more like dinosaurs than any sort of horses. He also vaguely remembered some uncharacteristically odd sounding description from the early reports made by Avan Ree.

[00:25:31]I've seen stills, he said. I don't understand why she called them centaurs.

[00:25:37]From Greek mythology, she said blankly.

[00:25:41]Bril smiled. I know the word, but I didn't see much resemblance to the half horse, half men of legend in those creatures. It was their faces, Slea said, her voice suddenly sounding drained. If you had seen their faces as you did in the dream, Bril prompted when her voice trailed off. Yes, they came pounding up to us, their broad flat feet crushing the vegetation, their hot breath boiling the air around us, their scent making our heads reel. And they looked at us. Their faces were like the faces of stone gods, calm, beautiful, terrifying.

[00:26:27]The more terrifying because they grew out of those crushingly huge elephantine bodies, the brute strength, the unnatural cool wisdom in their eyes. I was afraid. So very afraid. I knew they could destroy us.

[00:26:45]But Dra, in our dream, Dara walked toward them, her arms outstretched, and she was smiling. She welcomed them. She was happier than she had ever been in her life. I screamed. I tried to warn her, to tell her they would hurt her, but she didn't understand. For the first time in our lives together, she didn't understand. She thought they were to be loved, not feared.

[00:27:13]It was as if she could not hear me. I screamed. I couldn't hold her back. I screamed and I woke up.

[00:27:23]They had walked too far from camp. Bril could see the guard flashing a fretful warning light. He caught Slea's arm to turn her back. She did not pull away, so he left his hand resting lightly on her arm as they began to walk back together.

[00:27:40]Da did not share this dream.

[00:27:43]What? No, of course she did. I told you we always dream together. Our minds are together. For us to have separate dreams would be like one mind carrying on with two dreams at the same time. But Dra wasn't frightened. Bril said, "When I found the two of you, Dra wasn't frightened." Sulea agreed. That's what frightens me. So, it wasn't the dream itself, but the fact that for the first time, Dra and I were not thinking and feeling as one. For the first time, oh, you can't know what that's like. Brill grimaced and gripped her arm more tightly. It was the same dream. It should have been the same for both of us. But to Dra, the centaur were something wonderful, something that evoked love and awe rather than terror.

[00:28:37]And I couldn't make Dra understand how I felt, how she should have felt. So it wasn't the centaur that frightened you, but the idea that you and Dra might think and feel differently. That was your nightmare, your fear that Da is growing away from you. The centaurs were just a pretext. Anything might have happened in the dream to communicate the same message that Dra is growing up and you can't expect your closeness to last forever. No. She pulled away from him in anger, then relaxed. I'm sorry, Bril, but you don't know what you're talking about. Dra and I aren't just an ordinary mother and daughter. We're so close, we might as well be one person.

[00:29:25]That's where you're wrong. Brill said.

[00:29:29]You are two people, and to think that you're one will only make things harder, prolong the agony for you when the time for separation comes. Why are you saying this? I know my daughter. You don't. I know my daughter as well as I know myself. Because look, Bril said, I'm not Pathic myself anymore than you are on your own, but I had a sister once, and for many years we were linked as closely as you and your daughter are until she started growing up a little, until she started reaching out restlessly and learned that there were others like herself who had a lot more to offer her than her pathetic, clinging leech of a brother. And so she left me. as I think as I know your daughter will someday leave you and you know it too or you wouldn't have nightmares about it. I'm sorry for you, Slea said, her voice cool and distant again. I'm sorry you lost your sister, but Dra and I are different. Dra could no more exist without me than I could return to an existence without her. Good night.

[00:30:41]Brill watched her walk away from him in the bright moonlight. It took a great effort to turn and walk towards his own tent. Suddenly he felt almost too tired to move another step. He thought of Slea getting into bed beside her sleeping daughter. Thought of Slea hugging her, perhaps crying over her with a depth of emotion Dra would never be able to understand.

[00:31:06]In time, Dra would leave Sulea behind, bodily and mentally, as she had once left her womb for a wider world. All of Slea's love would be useless. It would end in pain and isolation. It would tear her apart. It was as useless as his own love. He entered the tent and wearily undressed himself. "Sleia," he thought, feeling hopeless. "Sulea!

[00:31:36]He lay down beside Shandra, who stirred in her sleep and then sighed when he kissed her lightly. Slea, Slea, useless.

[00:31:48]Damn you, Dar. And damn you too, long deadad sister of mine. Slea, can't you feel my love? Can't you hear my thoughts?

[00:31:59]Rising slowly out of sleep, Bril was dimly aware that Chandra's warmth had left the bed and that there were voices outside the tent. Bril, wake up. A herd of centaur heading this way. He sat up at once and reached for his clothes.

[00:32:16]What? Where? Gavillo spotted them.

[00:32:20]They're still pretty far away, but they're moving in our direction at a good rate of speed. Shouldn't take them very long to reach us. Of course, we don't actually know if they know we're here. They could be coming in this direction for some other reason. But I think considering that Avan Ree mentioned that they seem to show up in order to examine her group, showing no signs of fear and very little curiosity in our presence, Bril said, quoting the first report on Bright Angel. Do you suppose it could be the same herd? Bril shrugged. I wouldn't want to guess. I'm anxious to see them. I'm curious to see why they impressed Avon Ree so.

[00:33:07]They went outside together. The air was close and musty smelling, and the light had a lowering yellowish cast. Dust, said Chandra. That wind that swept through here just before dawn was heavy with it. She sneezed twice abruptly and rubbed her nose, making a ry face. Bril looked toward the rising sun, a halo of bronze light in the eastern sky. Where are they? There, to the north, that dark brown blur against the sky. It was young Gabriillo Setsu, humbly offering his discovery. This was his second expedition. He could scarcely sleep at night for his determination not to miss a thing. Brill squinted and stared into the northern sky. He could barely make out a moving brownish line. "We could see them clearly with the glasses," Chandra said. "Yes," Brill agreed. He noticed that the tents had all emptied now. Everyone out to see the distant centaurs, even Slea and Dra. No one moved to go back for glasses. The creatures were traveling fast. Soon it was possible to distinguish individual elephantine bodies, to see the round, inongruously small heads bobbing slightly at the end of long, slender necks held precariously erect. They moved in an oddly graceful caner without apparent strain despite their bulk. In a moment, thought Bril, we shall see their faces. He was gripped by anticipation so intense it was close to terror. Soon he would be in their presence. He both feared and desired that. It passed through them all like a wave. Without a word spoken, the waiting people began to walk slowly away from the encampment out onto the open plane to meet the arrival of the centaurs. They were suddenly surrounded by the wall of gray flesh and the overwhelming scent of them, rich and strange and powerful. Bril thought the pounding of his heart would surely kill him. For a moment he was blinded by his tears.

[00:35:28]Oh, who are you? What are you? Huge gray bodies supported by four powerful legs and a huge curving tail. The arch of a long sineuous neck. Skin hairless, rough and pebbled in texture. Feet large and padded. Animals. But that was not all.

[00:35:52]Their heads, their faces.

[00:35:55]Oh, what are you? The faces of gods, human yet inhuman. Their round heads should have seemed ridiculous as the termination of those immense, powerful bodies and long necks, but they did not.

[00:36:14]Brill stared helplessly, caught by the large, strangely glowing eyes. Not human, those powerful jaws filled with the square teeth of a ruminant. Not human. The long flat nose and the gray green eyes with the silver light shining with an awesome look of wisdom. Not human either, but more than human. The centaurs had round flat ears and thin lipped mouths. Those mouths were curved into a strange half smile as they stood and quietly observed the humans. It was a disturbing expression. The sight of the smile stirred some deep buried memory, some longforgotten dream in Bril's mind. "What are you?" He spoke aloud at last, voicing the question that tore at him. His voice quavered, and he wanted to hide his face, yet he could not stop looking. The centaurs made no sound. They did not move. They smiled that awesome smile and gazed at the humans with their strange eyes. Bril felt enveloped by a thick and shrouding mystery. Frightened and half drugged by it. He wanted to clear it away, to name these creatures, name this feeling. They woke in him. Give a word to what they meant. If he could say the word, speak the name. The mists would part and doors open. everything would change. It only awaited his speaking. He panted through his mouth, trying not to smell them, hoping to clear his head somehow. He shut his eyes, but those glowing, terrifying eyes were still there behind his lids. Bril cried out, opening his eyes and stared around wildly. The centaurs were moving away, slowly, lifting and lowering their huge legs deliberately, their heads lifted high again. The herd of centaurs was leaving.

[00:38:20]The spell partially broken, at last able to notice the others. Brill saw Solea hugging Dar. Dra was oblivious to her mother, staring after the departing centaurs, her body straining and her eyes alive as they had never been before. Sulea held her tightly, but Dra might have been made of mist. Bril ran to them, his body bent and twisting with sudden pain. He threw his arms around Slea, who still embraced Dara and cried out in his grief, "Tell me, tell me who they are." He was weeping uncontrollably, and Slea shook like a grass in the wind within his arms. Only Dra at the center of the embrace was calm, and her calm had a new quality now. She glowed as if a fire had just been lit in the cold, dark room of her soul.

[00:39:19]They were all like invalids, miraculous survivors of some long illness, still shaky from the fever, bewildered and a bit ashamed of the wild dreams the fever had brought. Even Slea and Dra stayed with the company for the breakfast they all with no appetite made pretense of eating. They sat around the table in the center of camp and tried to explain to themselves what had happened. It was the faces, said Langu Beck, a seasoned explorer. Those almost human heads on such bodies. It shocks our expectations as people were once shocked by wild apes. No matter how rational we are, it's a shock to see what we think of as human set a top what we think of as animal.

[00:40:10]I remember, not from personal experience, mind you, as I was just a child at the time, when contact was first made with the beer angrians.

[00:40:21]People had a hard time, a very hard time coming to grips with the understanding that these creatures were a lot closer to us mentally than to the bugs they resembled. Culture shock, Chandra interrupted. I see what you're saying, but Lang, we have no proof that these creatures are intelligent. And even if they are a little strange looking, why should we be so much more shaken by these creatures than we were by meeting up with the AK ghost cows? You were on that expedition with me. You remember what they were like? Chandra and Langui exchanged reminiscent smiles, and Langu began. "I'm also reminded of the time."

[00:41:06]"The centaurs are intelligent," said Gabrielo. He leaned across the table, trying for Chandra's attention, earnest and intent. "They must be. We recognized something within them that is greater than ourselves, something more than mere intelligence, something awesome. That's what we felt. It's that simple. Not as simple as you, Gabrielo Setsu, said Andia with a sneer. She laughed abruptly and Bril tensed, fearing a fight. You'll be talking about our immortal souls next, you little Andia, Chandra said sharply. We're not in the service here.

[00:41:48]She turned her attention to Gavlo. All you're saying, Gavllo, is an expression of what we all felt. We know how we all reacted to the centaurs. We want to find out why. There is no other reason than that we recognize them for what they are and reacted. Gabriel said, why shouldn't it be that simple?

[00:42:13]I'm reminded of the hell kites of the Lydian army. Andia said, "Very small flying creatures which release a vapor which induces the sensations of fear in any warm-blooded creature it falls on.

[00:42:29]Since we all felt fear and awe, perhaps this indicates that the centaurs were secretreting something, some defensive chemical weapon to protect them from any who might mean them harm." A nice theory, Shandra said. I'm familiar with the Hell Kites, but Andia, why would a creature like the centaur living in a world without enemies have evolved such a weapon? Perhaps it has some other intentions.

[00:43:03]And said, "A sexual hormone perhaps, but our alien bodies react to it in a different way. Or perhaps there were once predators here, now extinct. I don't like that, Gavlo said. And I don't believe it. I know what I felt.

[00:43:23]She looked at him contemptuously.

[00:43:26]No, of course you don't like it. You wouldn't like the Lydian Helkites either, but they exist whether or not you believe in them. You like to believe in gods and strange forces and the soul.

[00:43:39]You like to think your soul is responsible for whatever you feel. You can't bear the idea that complicated chemical reactions could be responsible for your feelings no matter how you want to intellectualize it. And please, Chandra said wearily, your idea does have merit. If it is a chemical reaction, perhaps we can protect ourselves against it by covering all our bare skin and breathing bottled air when they come near. Why must we worry about protecting ourselves? Gavllo demanded.

[00:44:18]We reacted to them as if they had been gods. And perhaps they are. And if they are gods, then how can we protect ourselves from them? And why should we try? Something made Brill look at Dra just then, and he felt a prickling sensation down his back. She was smiling, and the smile on her face, before always so bland and blank, was the eerie, knowing half smile at the centaurs, that same archaic smile sometimes found on the carved or sculpted heads of longforgotten gods on Earth.

[00:44:56]The floater reports came in a few hours later, and everyone gathered in Chandra's tent, eager to learn whatever might be revealed when she ran a quick computer analysis on the mass of information.

[00:45:09]They gazed at a film which showed a herd of centaurs traveling slowly, pausing, often in groves of trees to graze, or simply to stand about. Bril waited uneasily for some recurrence of the sensations the presence of the centaurs had roused, but they did not come. It apparently was not something transmitted by a camera. Chandra caught her breath, and there was a rustling as everyone craned closer to the screen. There, following the centaurs at a little distance, was another herd. And this herd was human.

[00:45:47]The dawnlight survivors, thin, dirty, and with a wild look about them. There were perhaps 20 of them. 20 out of 450.

[00:45:58]What had happened to them? Bril wondered, feeling a profound unease as he watched the small shambling group trailing in the wake of the indifferent centaurs.

[00:46:09]What had brought them to this? He wished the floaters had brought back instead of this films of hundreds of bloated purple corpses swarming with some easily isolated alien bacteria. Then there would be an easy answer. But what was the answer to this? Chandra broke the dismayed almost fearful silence as they all gazed into the screen. We know where they are now. At least where some of them are. We'll go to them just as soon as we get the hover car assembled, and we'll ask them for the answer to our mystery.

[00:46:49]Bril turned, wanting to disagree with Chandra's too easy assumption that the answer was at hand, when he caught sight of Sulea, and remained silent, not knowing what to say. Slea had grown very pale, and she looked miserable and afraid. Dra was nowhere in sight, but in his mind's eye, Bril once again saw her smiling, the centaur's smile.

[00:47:15]They had been traveling for several hours when Andia called out in her clear, neutral voice, "Party of survivors cited, 1 and 1/2 kilometers beyond the herd of centaurs ahead and to the left." Brill pressed against a window to see, close between Gadillo and Chandra. Neither humans nor centaurs gave any sign of noticing the vehicle approaching them so swiftly. What was wrong with them? Bril wondered. What made them leave dawnlight and a plentiful supply of food to wander through a strange world until the clothes fell off their starving bodies in filthy rags. The car settled to a stop and Andia cut off the engine.

[00:48:01]Chandra reached across to squeeze Brill's hand quickly and then the door was sliding open. "Stay together and be on guard," Chandra cautioned. "There's the chance they may turn on us." Perhaps half a kilometer away from the car, clearly visible on the flat open plane were the humans, still slowly straggling after the centaurs. The members of the expedition now began to follow in turn after the dawnlight survivors. But those bedraggled beings did not seem aware that they were being followed. When Chandra called out to them again and again, not one of them turned. Not one of them faltered or paused to listen.

[00:48:45]Walking as briskly as they were, it did not take Chandra's group long to catch up with the people they were following.

[00:48:52]Chandra caught hold of one of the shamblers by the arm, stopping him.

[00:48:57]Brill felt his heart lurch unpleasantly as Chandra pulled the young man around so they all could see his face. The youth was filthy and emaciated, as they all were, and could have been aged anywhere from about 14 to 20. "Hello," said Chandra urgently. "Can you speak?

[00:49:17]Do you hear me?" He stared at her, seemingly through her with dull, vacant eyes. He swayed slightly, and only Chandra's firm hold kept him from continuing to walk after the others.

[00:49:32]Chandra waved her free hand in front of his eyes, snapped her fingers. He didn't blink.

[00:49:39]Is he blind and deaf? Chandra asked.

[00:49:42]Bril, what's wrong with him? The same thing that's wrong with them all. Bril said helplessly.

[00:49:50]Zombies, said Andia, looking around in disgust. They did seem to be animated corpses, thought Bril. What drove them?

[00:50:01]What kept them going? Can you speak?

[00:50:04]Chandra persisted. When he still did not respond, she let go of him, and he shambled off after the rest of his company. Chandra now caught hold of a woman and peered into her face. Do you know her? asked Bril uneasily.

[00:50:21]No. No. Slea, come here. Is this your mother? Brill stared at the woman Shandra had detained. She too was emaciated and her facial features were sunk in dirt and wrinkles. Her body sagged without will in Shandra's hands.

[00:50:39]Slea looked uneasily at the woman, unwilling to move closer.

[00:50:44]No, no, it can't be. She would hardly be recognizable to anyone in that condition, Bril said, half starved, filthy, entranced.

[00:50:57]Avan, said Chandra. Avan Ree. Avan, do you hear me? I don't want you to be Avan Ree. I wouldn't wish such a fate as this on my hero. But if you are, answer me.

[00:51:13]If you are not, then tell me. Do you hear me? She shook the woman who flopped in her grasp like a huge stuffed doll.

[00:51:22]Bril, can't you examine her? Tell us what's wrong with her, with all of them.

[00:51:29]Chandra was looking to him for help. All of them expected him to find the answer.

[00:51:34]It should have been a challenge. It was the sort of thing that once would have invigorated him, but not now. In the midst of all these zombies with the heavy odor of the centaurs carried on the wind, his stomach was churning, his heart pounding, were being infected.

[00:51:53]We'll sicken and become as they are. We must get away before it is too late for all of us.

[00:52:01]I can't possibly without some tests at least, Bril said uncertainly.

[00:52:09]Well, test her, Andia said, tapping the arm of the woman Shandra still held.

[00:52:16]They're not putting up any protest. Why shouldn't we take her back to the ship for testing?

[00:52:23]You can do some preliminary tests in the hover car, can't you, Bril? We don't need to go all the way back to the ship just yet, said Chandra. Yes, Bril said Douly. He wanted to object, to refuse.

[00:52:40]He didn't want to be near this creature, near any of them. He would become infected. They all would.

[00:52:49]Brill.

[00:52:51]He was, he realized, being irrational.

[00:52:54]Certainly, it was a risk, but it was the sort of risk that had to be taken. They couldn't run away. Sure, he said. Let's go.

[00:53:05]Shandra and Bril took the woman back to the hover car, leaving the others to follow the Dawnlight survivors. Bril ran a series of tests on the unresponsive woman while Chandra sat at the computer terminal and tried to work out just which of the colonists this one was.

[00:53:24]She's suffering from malnutrition.

[00:53:27]Bril said at length. Obviously, and she's developed scurvy and a thriving colony of body lice. Her EEG shows that she's in a trance state. She's neither blind nor deaf. She's just selectively tuning us out. I can't tell if the trance is self-induced or caused by something else. There's nothing that I can point to and say there, that little bug is the culprit responsible. Kill it and she'll be back to normal in no time.

[00:53:57]I just don't know why she's not eating properly, why she's wandering around in a days, unable to take care of herself.

[00:54:06]Chandra nodded thoughtfully and turned back to the computer. You know, I think she may be. Brill lost track of what she was saying. He stared at the woman slumped on the padded seat before him, fighting the deep disgust the sight of her aroused in him. Her feet still twitched as if she were trying to walk but could not find the ground. And every once in a while she would lurch forward and try to stand up. Each time Bril had caught her and pushed her gently back.

[00:54:38]Just then she lurched forward again. He caught her and as his fingers closed on her shoulders, he had a sudden urge to catch hold of her throat instead. To catch hold of that mass of wrinkled flesh and squeeze. He knew she wouldn't struggle. Squeeze until he squeezed the life out of her. An end to her contamination, to this life that was no longer living, to this abomination.

[00:55:07]He had strong hands, and she was weak and oblivious to him. It would not be difficult.

[00:55:13]Bril. The old woman flopped back on the seat. Her breathing was harsh and labored. Bril broke out into a heavy sweat. He had very nearly killed a fellow human. Bril, I He looked down at his hands and shuddered. I don't know what happened.

[00:55:34]All I could think of was the need to destroy her. To destroy her before she destroys us. We have to fight it.

[00:55:43]Shandra moved beside him and put an arm across his shoulders. I feel it, too. I understand. But we can't let it get the best of us. It's a hard thing to fight.

[00:55:55]A sensation, not something logical. I know, Bril, but there's no rational reason for this feeling. She's an old woman dying. She poses no threat. She very well may pose a threat, Bril said.

[00:56:12]A serious one. If she is diseased, if she carries the germs of whatever wiped out dawnlight and made the survivors like this, then she may have already contaminated us. We may not have much time before we're like her.

[00:56:29]I've thought of that, Chandra said quietly. Thought of wiping them all out and leaving this place just as fast as we can. But that's not a rational response, Bril. You found no organism you could identify as causing this disease. Have you thought that perhaps what destroyed Dawnlight was not a physical organism, but simply what we are feeling? These survivors feel perhaps an exaggerated version of the awe the presence of the centaurs made us feel. Perhaps they gave into it and that's why they trail after the centaurs.

[00:57:11]While those who did not give into it may have felt just what you have described as feeling towards this old woman. They may have been possessed by disgust, fear, and a murderous hatred. Perhaps they killed each other off. But why?

[00:57:28]Chandra shrugged helplessly. I don't know, but I know what I felt, what we all felt, and that's real enough, no matter how irrational it may have been.

[00:57:40]The old woman lurched forward onto her feet again. This time they made no move to stop her, but watched in silence as she made her stumbling way out of the hover car. Back to following the centaurs, Bril said. We've got to get out of here, Chandra, before it starts happening to us. We don't belong here.

[00:58:01]We've got to leave right away, Chandra.

[00:58:04]Brill, we've got a job to do. We can't give into our fears and feelings. What job? We've seen what happened to the Dawnlight colonists, and I think we realize that there's a strong chance the same thing will happen to us if we don't get out of here fast. The longer we stay, the greater the possibility that we'll end our lives as shambling, mindless creatures, unable to care for ourselves.

[00:58:32]Chandra bit her lip. Soon, Bril, but not right away. We have to find out as best we can what happened to all of the Dawnlight colonists, not just this little remnant. We came here to find an answer, and we're not leaving with part of one. Just be strong. We've been in dangerous spots before. You know this is different, Chandra. And if we stay too long, I know, Bril, but we don't even know how long too long is. That's the danger, said Bril.

[00:59:08]The Dawnlight survivors, followed by their wouldbe rescuers, finally caught up with the centaurs in a grove of fruit trees. The day's journey ended. The centaurs feasted on round green leaves and slightly unripe fruits. Their human followers also pulled the fruit from the trees and scratched wearily in the ground for edible roots. Watching this from a short distance away, Bril felt torn apart by his emotions, conflicting with his fear and disgust as he watched the zombie-like humans was a great longing, a worshipful awe for the centaurs. It took a great effort of will to keep distance between himself and the centaurs, for he wanted to be close to them, to see those noble faces close, to feel the heat of their bodies against his own skin. Brill trembled and closed his eyes, afraid that the sight of the centaurs would draw him against his will, out of himself. To fight this feeling, he concentrated on the fear and on the disgust and hatred he felt for the wretched humans who had surrendered their will and gone to live among the indifferent centaurs.

[01:00:23]We may as well turn in for the night, said Chandra. Her voice was very queer.

[01:00:31]Bril opened his eyes to look at her and saw with a shock that there were tears in her eyes and running down her face.

[01:00:39]He turned his back on the grove and put his arm around Chandra. The small group walked back towards the hover car, moving slowly as someone deeply tired or deathly ill might turn towards the waiting bed.

[01:00:54]They were all subdued that night as they ate their small supper and made ready for bed in the hover car. Bril knew without need for telepathic contact that they all shared the same feelings. It was something they were all struggling with together, yet alone, and no one wanted to talk about it. When they turned in, Bril lay awake for a long time in the dark, although the self-contained environment of the hover car closed out all sight, scent, and sound of the centaurs. He was very much aware of their presence less than a kilometer away. He wondered if they ever slept. Did they close their lustrous eyes or stand keeping watch all night?

[01:01:38]Did they kneel, sit, or stand in the darkness outside? The longing to see and know for himself was nearly unbearable.

[01:01:48]If we don't leave, he thought as he finally drifted to sleep. It will be too late. Too late for us all.

[01:01:58]They woke to a woman's wailing. She's gone.

[01:02:04]Oh, she's gone. Gone.

[01:02:08]Chandra was the first to reach Sulea, and she caught hold of her, embracing her without love, but efficiently, as someone will perform life-saving measures for a stranger.

[01:02:19]Calm yourself. Calm. Sh. Shh. You're dreaming. No, said Bril. A quick look around the hover car with its few sleepy inhabitants was enough to tell him what he feared. She's not just dreaming. Dra is gone and Gabrielo too. Chandra stopped holding Sulea and glanced around automatically.

[01:02:44]Oh no, she said softly then in a commanding tone. Up everybody get dressed. She looked with annoyance at Sulea, who was still wailing. "And shut her up."

[01:03:00]Bril stepped forward and took Sulea into his arms. "All right," he murmured. "It will be all right."

[01:03:08]Slea subsided into nearly inaudible sobs. Now, as Brill said whatever nonsense came into his head that he thought might comfort her, she raised her head from his breast after a few moments of this and looked at him through tearfilled eyes. "She's gone," she said in a tone of utter hopelessness.

[01:03:30]"And it was only then that Bril understood. The parting Slea had dreamed about and he had predicted had happened.

[01:03:38]Dra had not merely left the hover car and all the people in it. She had also withdrawn from her mother's mind.

[01:03:46]Chandra glanced at Bril, still naked and holding Sulea.

[01:03:51]Get dressed, she snapped. And arm yourself. We'll need every able-bodied.

[01:03:57]You can leave her here. I don't imagine she'll be much use to us. Brill gently disengaged himself from Slea.

[01:04:05]Please don't leave me. She reached out and Bril caught her hand. All right, he said. You can stay with me. Get yourself dressed. Remember, said Chandra when the five of them stepped outside into the cool early morning air. The most powerful weapon they have against us is our own feelings. No one came into the hover car and took Gabrielo and Dra by force. They went of their own accord.

[01:04:35]I think we all know what they felt because we have felt it ourselves. We must constantly be on guard. We must not allow ourselves to be overwhelmed.

[01:04:46]Concentrate on something else.

[01:04:48]Concentrate on, she paused, groping.

[01:04:53]Hate, suggested Andia. The possibility of battle made her glow. Concentrate on hating them and there won't be room for fear or anything else. Chandra looked uneasily.

[01:05:08]That could be dangerous too, she said. I think we should try to stay rational.

[01:05:15]We want to get Gabrielo and D and get out. We don't want to turn into a crowd of slaughtering berserkers, which I think hating them too much could do.

[01:05:27]We don't kill them unless they try to kill us, Andia said. She twitched her shoulders. Understood. But I still think it couldn't hurt to concentrate on hating them. We'll do whatever we have to do, Chandra said. She gave them a nod and they set off. Chandra and Andia took the lead. Bril and Slea followed a few paces behind and Langu Beck hung back.

[01:05:54]Bril glanced over his shoulder at him once, wondering what the man was thinking. Was he afraid that the sight of the centaurs or if Andia was right, their scent would knock down all his careful defenses and turn him into a zombie?

[01:06:11]Brill squeezed Slea's hand, wishing he could give her strength for what she was going through, but he wasn't at all sure he had enough strength even for himself.

[01:06:21]It was not difficult once they had reached the grove of trees to pick out the figures of Gavllo and Dara from the rest of the humans. The freshness and wholeness of their clothes gave them away at once. But despite those external differences, Gavllo and Dra were obviously a part of the small group of humans scattered around the grove, reclining on the ground or slumped against the bowl of a tree. Even from a distance, it was possible to see the changes in posture and attitude that allied their former companions with the followers of the centaurs. As for the centaurs, they stood as still and silent as statues among the trees. As to whether their eyes were open or closed, Bril could not tell. He dared not let himself look too closely at them. "Wait for my order," said Chandra to Andia.

[01:07:16]Bril felt weak and touched his gun. As a physician, he had always hated the idea of killing, but at that moment the gun was a comfort, anchoring him to reality and protecting him from the deadly lure of the centaurs.

[01:07:32]Gavillo, Chandra called out. Then again, Gavillo Setsu, do you hear me? The human figures began to stir slightly. The centaurs remained motionless. Gavllo.

[01:07:47]Brill found himself shouting with her.

[01:07:49]Gavillo.

[01:07:52]And then all of them were crying out like a flock of birds. Gavillo. Gavillo.

[01:07:57]Gavillo.

[01:07:59]Dra. Slea ran forward towards the grove of trees, her arms outstretched, calling to her daughter. Dara, stop her.

[01:08:11]Then they were all running. Brill quickly caught hold of Slea, but the time for waiting was passed. They all continued to run into the grove of trees, ready to face the danger head on, ready to drag Gavllo out forcibly since he had no will of his own to come to them. Gavllo was lying on the ground, his head propped up on a projecting route. His eyes were open, but they had the blank, blind gaze of the sleepwalker. Bril felt sick at the sight of his slack, uncaring face. Sulea tugged her arm from Bril's grasp, and this time he made no move to stop her.

[01:08:52]He watched as Chandra bent slightly and grasped Gavlo by one arm. "Glo," she said. "Get up. It's time to go. You've got to come back to the ship with us."

[01:09:05]When he did not respond, she began tugging at him, trying to lift him to his feet.

[01:09:10]But although as entranced as the others, Gabriela was much stronger. He did not react. He simply did not allow Chandra to raise him. "Help me with him," Chandra panted. Bril caught hold of Gabllo's other arm. Through his sickness, he managed a mock hearty tone.

[01:09:32]"Come on, Gavllo, old buddy, on your feet." Between them, Chandra and Bril managed to pull Gavllo upright. "Now walk, Gavllo," Bril urged. "Walk. Move your feet. You don't want us to have to carry you all the way, do you?" Gavl hung between them a dead weight. Bril sighed and glanced at Chandra. Together, they began to hoist him off the ground to better carry him. When abruptly, Gaffllo came to life. They left him tense, but before they could think of reacting, his fists were flailing and his feet kicking viciously. They were both knocked to the ground. For a moment, Bril could not move or breathe.

[01:10:18]Then he grabbed for his gun, certain Gavla would come at him while he was still sprawled helplessly on the ground.

[01:10:26]Had he been a soldier, Bril might have fired immediately as soon as he had Gavllo in his sights. But Bril was not a soldier. He hesitated and then he lowered the gun. Gavllo stood, arms and legs spread directly before Bril, an easy shot. He seemed to be inviting it, eager for death, and his eyes were almost alive again. Shandra got up. Gavillo.

[01:10:57]Bril holstered the gun and rose to help her take hold of him again, but the other man turned and walked away from them towards one of the silent standing centaurs. As they watched, he carefully lay down on the ground with his head close to a powerful hind leg. A twitch could stun him. An unconscious backward stop would smash his head or pulp his shoulder. "We'll tie him this time," Chandra said, reaching into her belt pouch for some cord. She winced and moved her shoulder painfully. "I didn't expect him to snap out of it like that," she said. "But now we know that they may fight back.

[01:11:38]Something's going to happen." Langu Beck said, and with some surprise, Bril realized the man had been standing close behind him for some time. Chandra looked around frowning. Bril felt the uneasiness.

[01:11:54]They seem more alert, she said. Fine time they picked for waking up, I must say. Well, be on your guard, all of you.

[01:12:04]We may have a little struggle on our hands after all.

[01:12:08]There was a scream and the sound of a gunfiring and then the unmistakable stench of burned flesh. They found Andia waving her gun around menacingly. One arm was bleeding badly. Before her on the ground was a decapitated body. He came at me. And said to Chandra, "Jumped me with a knife. I thought these zombies were harmless. But look out."

[01:12:36]Chandra and Bril looked around. None of the centaur followers were moving, but they were all crouched or standing now.

[01:12:43]Even Gavllo was sitting up. And despite their zombie-like expressions, there was now a feeling of tension and watchfulness in the air. Bril said, "Let me fix that arm. It can wait. Not if you intend to be of any more use to us today. It can't. The knife," she gestured at the ground where a short, sharp knife blade lay glinting through a covering of blood. "What were you doing?"

[01:13:12]Bril asked as he cleaned the wound and applied the anesthetic.

[01:13:16]Well, since Slea didn't seem to be making any headway with her brat, I thought I'd just pick her up and haul her back to the ship. I'd just picked her up when that one she gestured at the ground, came at me, and shoved a knife into my arm. Bril stitched the edges of the wound neatly together. So I dropped the brat and blasted the creature with the knife.

[01:13:41]Finished with the stitching, Bril noticed that Dara was sitting on the ground a few meters away. She did not to Bril look any different than she had in the days when her mind was linked with her mothers. He wondered if now she were in contact with the centaurs, and a painful stab of longing struck him. Hey, Andia tweaked his ear painfully. Let's go see what the boss wants done next.

[01:14:09]Thanks for fixing my arm.

[01:14:12]Slea was standing in earnest conversation with Chandra and Langui when Brill and Andia approached. Chandra turned to them. Slea has had some communication with her daughter. Slea looked at Bril. I can't share what she feels or understand it, but for just a moment, I felt it. She let me feel it.

[01:14:35]They're not sick, but they've found God.

[01:14:39]All they ask in life is to be close to the centaurs, to worship them. If we try to take them away, any of them, they'll all fight us. They don't mind dying. We have the choice of leaving now or staying and joining them. I say we fight them. Andia said, "Get Gavllo away from here and he'll come back to normal. They may outnumber us, but we're stronger with better weapons. If they all want to die, let them." "And if some of us should die," Chandra asked. She shook her head. Dar also told Slea what happened to the rest of the colonists.

[01:15:18]It was a holy war between those who felt the longing to be the followers of the centaurs and those who felt threatened.

[01:15:26]Those who were fighting for their god found it easier to be bloodthirsty. Some of the others thought it a sickness until their patience began killing them to return to the life they had chosen.

[01:15:39]Chandra glanced at Sulea who nodded affirmation of what she had said. So you see, said Chandra, as Andia has said, they are many, but we are strong.

[01:15:53]Perhaps we could kill them all and recapture Gavllo and Dora without killing them. But should we? We didn't come here to kill off the survivors of the Dawnlight colony, after all. And we have no authority to command Gavllo and Dar to come with us if they don't wish.

[01:16:11]It's not a matter of their wishes, Andia exclaimed. They have no will now.

[01:16:18]They're sick. They can only recover if we take them away from this place.

[01:16:23]Chandra looked at Bril. Are they sick?

[01:16:26]Bril, you're our doctor. That is your decision to make. You must decide if this is a sickness we're dealing with or a religion.

[01:16:37]Unhappily and expecting to be attacked for his trouble, Bril walked towards Gavllo. To do so meant walking towards a centaur, and the nearness of the creature made Bril tremble and clench his teeth. They are animals, he told himself. Only animals. What I feel is not awe or worship or fear, but merely a physiological reaction. I cannot control that, but I can control my thoughts.

[01:17:09]Bril knelt beside Gavllo, who gazed at him with empty eyes. Bril wondered what Gavllo saw with those eyes. Above them, the sleeping centaur twitched, and a shudder passed through Gavllo and into Bril.

[01:17:24]Gavllo, said Bril desperately, and then could not go on. He didn't know what to say, what to do. Was Gavllo possessed by sickness, madness, or the truth?

[01:17:38]Gavllo's blank expression now altered, and he began to smile. That placid knowing archaic smile, the smile of ancient peace knowledge, the centaur's smile.

[01:17:53]Brill was blinded by tears. More than anything, he wanted to rise and fling his arms about the centaur, standing above them, clinging to it, and stay there forever. He wanted to know the god that Gavllo knew. Instead, Bril rose and turned and walked back to the people who waited for him.

[01:18:15]"That man is not sick," Bril said to them all. "We are the ones who need to be cured." That first night, back in the safe, dead emptiness of space, Bril and Slea found what comfort they could together in the familiar motions and rhythms of sex.

[01:18:36]Bril lay awake long after Slea fell asleep. He felt all his emotions had been cauterized, that within he was one clean wound, ready now for the healing scars to grow. on some familiar settled world he and Slea would build new lives for themselves.

[01:18:56]Then he thought of Chandra and with a guilty start realized that she must be alone now, brooding alone on the events of the day. He got up and went to find her. Her posture communicated a feeling of hopelessness as he had never seen in her. She did not turn when he entered, but said his name. She continued to stare out at the utter blackness that enveloped them. At last, she spoke.

[01:19:25]What lies do I tell myself now?

[01:19:29]All my life I have been searching, but when I finally found what I had been searching for, I was too frightened to accept it. I turned away in terror. Do I go on telling myself lies about chemical reaction, hormonal secretions?

[01:19:46]They are gods must be whatever we mean by that ancient word. What power they have to evoke such love, such fear. What power to give such peace. I've seen them. I've seen what should come at the end of life. And yet I go on living.

[01:20:08]How? How do I go on living? How do I go on now?

[01:20:20]You've been listening to pre-990s speculative fiction readings with a highlight on science fiction by Daryl T.

[01:20:28]Smith II. Please consider clicking the donation link in the description box.

[01:20:39]Thank you so much for your time and your imagination.