Behind The Glam: Depression & Weight Loss Story | Talk2Tamara

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:00]My trauma was that I felt like I was screaming and crying in this like glass box that no one can hear me. You can see that I was not okay, but like no one's listening to me, [music] >> you know? And like 6 months postpartum, I couldn't walk. Um I was in a wheelchair. I couldn't eat. I was in bed. Even though on Instagram it looked like I was going out here doing their like if I went for a manicure, I went straight back home. My clothes came off, my wig came off, the TV turned on, and I was just in [music] bed. Hi everybody and welcome back. Today's conversation is one that I think so many women are quietly living through. The idea that if we just fix our body, then everything else is going to fall into place and we're just going to be magically happy.

[00:00:46]But what happens when you actually do it and it still doesn't fix how you feel?

[00:00:51]Today, I'm sitting down with Dena Stern.

[00:00:54]She's a business owner, a mom, and someone who has been very open about her journey through postpartum depression, the medication she went on, and her lifelong relationship with her body. She built a successful wig line while also navigating becoming a mother and making big decisions about her health. And today, we're talking about what that actually looked like from the inside.

[00:01:18]Dena, thank you so much for being here.

[00:01:20]>> Thank you for having me. I'm so happy to be here. Yeah, this is so exciting.

[00:01:24]>> I know. This is really, really great.

[00:01:26]So, before we get into everything, can you tell us like a little bit about your life, your life today and what it looks like like from your day from your daytoday? So, I grew up in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. Um I have three sisters and fashion and here and beauty was definitely um part of our lives and we always like fought with each other about our clothing stole each other's clothing. Um, and as I got older, when I was in 8th grade, as I got older, as I was in 8th grade, I vividly remember uh my mother calling me and telling me that my grandmother got diagnosed with cancer.

[00:02:10]>> And um she had stage 4 geoblast, which is um a tumor in the brain. I don't know exact details, but um and I also tried to stay out of it as much as possible.

[00:02:22]Um but she lost her hair really quickly and um she was declining really quickly.

[00:02:28]Um she was in a hospital and she was really immobile. So I used to go to the hospital, take her wigs, bring them home, style them, bring them back. Um and I slowly built this love and passion for hair like hair accessories.

[00:02:52]um hair styling and then I did it as a hobby.

[00:02:57]>> Um I went into the cash advance business because everyone was doing that.

[00:03:03]>> Oh, really? I didn't know that.

[00:03:04]>> Yeah. Um and it was not for me. Um and then I started working for my dad and I was doing real estate and that was not for me. [laughter] And then I was working for another broker doing real estate and I was like, you know what, like, let me go into this hair world. Let me dip my toes in and see.

[00:03:28]>> Um, and slowly but surely, I I took a course. Um, and then I was actually I was living in my parents house in the first floor in the guest room, and I had my own bathroom. And I just started like a small Instagram and I was doing hair only, not wigs.

[00:03:47]>> And I had customers that were coming in sitting in a plastic folding chair in my bathroom, like my shower, my sink, and I was styling, curling their hair.

[00:03:58]>> Um, and then slowly it turned out, um, >> we started turning it into wash and sats. We It was literally just me, like a 16-year-old girl. I was still in high school. Um, and we we I [clears throat] was doing wash and sets in my bathroom and then I was also um doing pick up and drop off.

[00:04:18]>> Um, so I would pick up a wig from a customer, drop it off and just really um getting the the whole experience of hair and styling. Um, and then it slowly went into me working for different wig companies. Um, I worked at Chevy Wigs. I worked there for about a year and a half.

[00:04:44]>> Um, I worked at Connie Kramer. I worked at Ia Popac. And then after all those experiences, I was like, I'm hustling for everyone else. And I'm working so hard for everyone else. Let me do this for myself. Um, I had imposter syndrome.

[00:05:03]I had a really hard time with the idea that people would come out for me.

[00:05:08]People would come purchase wigs from me, um, repair their wigs by me. Um, and I did a lot of work, energy work. Um, I had someone that I was working with and slowly slowly it was building up. Um, but my Instagram was building faster than my business cuz it was so slow. I put in like a massive order first >> um for when we made wigs and then um yeah, our Instagram just blew up like so quickly and now thank god we have a whole business. We sell wigs. Um we make wigs for celebrities, cancer patients, um just your average woman with hair loss or that just wants a little bit more oomph.

[00:05:57]Um, and in the third year of my business, I got pregnant, I had a baby, and it was like all downhill from there.

[00:06:09]>> Um, um, I actually I did know that having PCOS definitely affects fertility.

[00:06:17]>> Um, I didn't even want to go down that route. So I and I was also struggling heavily with my weight and it was really weighing on me, pun intended. Um so I got myself um I got myself Marjaro >> and every month I was building up different um different doses. I went off it and thank God we were able to have our baby. Um I definitely know that the Marjaro helped. Um we didn't really saying I don't really know any other you know >> um but that really helped.

[00:07:01]>> Yeah. So I was on Marjaro for um like 6 months. I lost 80 to 90 lbs and then uh we got pregnant. So, I went from having I went from having no cravings at all, eating bare minimum >> to pregnancy cravings right away, >> right?

[00:07:20]>> We It was like crazy on my body. I gained so much weight so quickly. Um, I know that I had gestational diabetes, but my doctor told me that I didn't. Um, and I even passed, they made me take the second sugar test, and I passed the sugar test. So, how is that possible?

[00:07:39]>> When my baby was born, his sugar levels were so so high that they told me that I had gestational diabetes. My baby was born 11 lbs.

[00:07:49]>> Wow. Oh my goodness. Um [gasps] >> Yeah.

[00:07:53]>> How did your doctor let you go to that to that weight? Like that's very scary.

[00:07:59]>> Yeah. um he kept telling me. So I was at this practice with three different doctors and um the main doctor I didn't really see him anymore until after the first initial consultation I feel like he like lured me in, got me as a client and then never saw him again. Um yeah, so the second doctor um he told me he's like, "You have enough fat on your body, um so you shouldn't be gaining weight while you're pregnant, which is a a crazy thing to say to someone. B um he was right that like there was no need for me to gain weight, but like they didn't know the whole backstory."

[00:08:39]>> Um and he didn't really tell me anything about it being dangerous or any any of that. And also I was a young I'm saying I'm a young girl like I don't know you know so much about this. My mother >> knows that weight is a very sensitive topic for me so she tries to um either say it gently or not at all because she knows that it's really triggering for me.

[00:09:00]>> Um so and my husband would never. So >> I was like kind of like living my best life gaining so [clears throat] much weight.

[00:09:09]>> Yeah. So I um I relate to that so so much because weight has always been an issue for me and you know I I like struggled with that and my family would would also like not you know try to say things in like gentler ways you know but I knew what they were trying to say you know so I could only imagine leaving leaving the doctor's office after he told you [snorts] something like that and like >> probably feeling feeling like crap you know like it's not a great feeling.

[00:09:40]>> [snorts] >> Yeah. And I remember also right near the doctor's office, there was this pizza store. So every time we would go to our appointment after we would go to this pizza shop and I would always get pizza and fries. And then I remember I was maybe 36 weeks or 37 weeks >> um pregnant and I went to the doctor and he did a scan. I think at that point he was like, "Your your baby is extremely large. you're going to be delivering C-section, the C-section route. Um, and if you eat like another bagel pro, uh, carbs or sugar, you're going to go into labor tomorrow and it's not going to be pretty.

[00:10:21]>> So, I think at that point, like that really freaked me out. Um, I was like already at the end of my pregnancy.

[00:10:28]>> Um, I'm like, I'm already we're already big and we're already there. So, um I remember after that not going to the pizza store and not getting um the pizza and fries, but um yeah, I think like that was if I if I could look back and and see the mis m I wouldn't call it a mistake cuz it was really like a lesson that I learned. Um it's not you're pregnant and you can eat whatever you want cuz it does affect your labor and pregnancy and it definitely affects your postpartum.

[00:11:00]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:11:01]>> Yeah. So, can you talk a little bit more about your postpartum experience? You kind of mentioned that everything went downhill after having after having your baby. So, what so what was your experience like?

[00:11:13]>> Yeah, I haven't spoken about this in a long time. It's like bringing up stuff.

[00:11:18]>> Um, so after I had my baby, um, I had a four degree tear. He was born naturally. Um, I had a 27hour labor. My epidural stopped working um as I was pushing. I had the most incredible incredible doula that if it wasn't for her, I probably would have not been alive today.

[00:11:44]>> Her name is Connie Gordon. She's excellent. Excellent.

[00:11:47]>> Um she knows that she we have a written contract for for life for the future [laughter] babies. Um, so I when I was in labor, um, again I had this team of doctors. Now I was young and it was in this ratchet hospital. They don't tell you much. Like I had no idea that there's doctors from the hospital that are not in the practice.

[00:12:15]>> Um, which I never met before. They're coming and they're they're your legs are wide open. like you want to be familiar with the person that you were seeing your whole pregnancy.

[00:12:24]>> Um so what happened was I had this this doctor that um she came in and also I didn't know when the time for pushing was and they just said it's going to feel like you need to go to the bathroom.

[00:12:36]>> Um after many hours of hell of pain with contractions I was like oh my god this is it. Like you know this is it. And I call my husband. I'm like Mendy can you go get the doctor? Um and at that point it was um Friday night Shabas started and um my mother was actually there and we had planned my mom had planned to have like a whole um we had like 40 people in our house and my my mother dropped everything and she was with me in the hospital. Um and the doctor came in and um it was very like chaotic.

[00:13:13]There were a lot of things going on, a lot of yelling, a lot of noise. And um Khani Madullah, she's like, "If you're going to come into this room, you have to be calm and you have to whisper." And she was telling this to every nurse, every doctor that was coming in. We had um fake candles that we put out. She was playing like spa music. And um so this this this doctor came in um I'm ready to push. And a nurse came in yelling to the doctor. I guess she was the only one on the floor.

[00:13:46]Okay. And there weren't so many women that were going into labor. She started yelling at the doctor. She's like, "I need you to come here to the other room.

[00:13:52]A woman is she needs emergency C-section." [snorts] So, I'm like, "My I need to start pushing." And there's no doctor. So, um Connie gets to the the bottom of the bed, the the foot of the bed, and my mother is standing there, and Connie's directing me, and it was just a lot of yelling, a lot of chaos.

[00:14:12]Um >> Wow.

[00:14:14]We just like felt like we we were like what is h like I was like what is happening? Um thank god someone came in um she's not a she wasn't a doctor or a nurse one of these >> a midwife maybe something >> she came into the room and she basically took control and she's like this is what's going to happen and I pushed and pushed and after 45 minutes my baby came out. Um but my the last push was so hard that um I started hemorrhaging with my baby and again I lost so much blood. I had no idea what was going on. Um as soon as the baby was born, all the students came into the room. So, like I'm looking around and I just see like 20 to 30 people like come in and one person's holding a blanket, another person's holding a suction thing, this and there were just so many like I didn't even have like a second. And um the doctor, she's like, "We have to rush her to the O." So, they took my baby from me. They uncclick the wheels and they started running to the O. Um, I actually had my phone under my hip the whole time. So, I was taking pictures and you're not allowed to have your phone in the O, but I literally have pictures of and and they were live photos. So, you hear like this screaming.

[00:15:33]>> How did you have the mental capacity to like take your phone?

[00:15:36]>> No, I don't even know. I don't even know. And I'm on the bed and all I hear is and and side point, this it's a hospital in Long Island and it's a teaching hospital. So, everyone that was working in the O were students and there was a room on the side with I guess a teacher slashdocctor. Um, and anything that they were doing, they had to yell out to the doctor to basically tell the the doctor what was going on. And I'm just hearing like she's losing a lot of blood. Um, we need more packing. She she has like 35 stitches. It doesn't stop.

[00:16:11]She And then like her IV is falling out of this arm, and I had a nurse on this side, a nurse on this side. Um and um I just kept hearing like her numbers are dropping, her numbers are dropping. And I took my nails and literally till today like I have extensions because of this.

[00:16:27]I literally took my nails and I was digging it into my arm to keep myself like like here and like with it. Um I lost I needed four blood transfusions and two iron infusions. I lost a lot of blood. Um, and then after they they stitched me up, they they wheeled me out. I had no idea what was going on.

[00:16:51]Um, I saw my baby. I remember feeling like I was in this cloud, >> like I felt like I was watching myself on a table, >> like an out-of- body experience.

[00:17:04]>> Yeah. Um, and my husband was sitting on a chair the whole night and for the whole rest of the two nights that we were there. Um, I remember it was the Super Bowl and I was watching the Super Bowl from my uh, hospital room getting blood transfusions. I came home at that point like I think now when I when there's a certain like setting in my house that reminds me of the day that I came home from the hospital, it like really brings me down. M >> um that's why I like try to change I got like new pillows on my couch. I tried to like change up a little bit of the furniture, the colors, the smells.

[00:17:44]>> Um it was extremely traumatic. I came home and I had this baby and I was scared to be alone with the baby.

[00:17:52]>> Um I didn't know what to do with this thing.

[00:17:57]>> I needed to take care of myself.

[00:18:00]>> Um my mother and my sister, they were incredible. They made me dinner every single night for 2 months. They were there every single day. Um, so I had a live nanny.

[00:18:12]>> Um, in the beginning I was supposed to be for just six week six weeks by night, like as a night nurse.

[00:18:19]>> And then after the whole this my whole labor happened, um, I remember sitting in my hospital room and I texted the nurse. I was like, "Can you come >> full-time for the next six weeks?" And she said, "Yeah, thank God." Um, and we had a nurse and I So, what happened was, um, I literally haven't even spoken about this since. I'm like, >> yeah.

[00:18:45]>> Yeah. Um, did the post do you think because you talked about the fact that you you suffered from postpartum depression, do you think that it was triggered from the trauma that you experienced?

[00:18:56]>> I definitely do. A big point actually.

[00:19:00]Thanks for asking that cuz it brought up another thought. So a few days after I came home from the hospital, every time I sat down and walked and all of that, it was extremely uncomfortable and my mother I told my mother, I said, "Ma, like this is my first time giving birth, but something feels wrong." Now, my doctor gave me medication for like iron medication, >> but he never told me that you need to take a stool softener with it.

[00:19:30]>> Okay.

[00:19:30]>> And I've never taken >> these medications in my life. Like, I've always been, yes, I've always struggled with weight, but I've never had anything wrong with like my hormones or or or balancing issues. Um, so I was just taking iron like I think it was already like a week by itself. And I remember Friday night I was having a really hard time going to the bathroom. It was extremely painful. I hurt I felt like a tear and my stitches tore open.

[00:20:01]>> Oh my gosh.

[00:20:01]>> Um, and then I ended up having like a cell member come to my house and and help me out. I didn't want to go to the hospital. It was like just too much for me. I was already like I had so much going on. So I was like I'll go into bed and I'll he like did what he had to do.

[00:20:18]A few days later I called my mother and [clears throat] I told her that something's wrong. Um she's like okay so let's go back to the doctor and let him see your stitches and talked to him. Um we went back to the doctor and I'm sitting there. He's looking at my stitches and he's like yeah your stitches tore open. And um the hot sala member that came to see my stitches, he said, "It looks like a 3-year-old stitched you up with their eyes closed."

[00:20:46]Like they Yeah. So he's like, "Obviously your stitches tore open and they're not supposed to ever. They're so strong that like they shouldn't."

[00:20:54]>> Um so my mother was just having a conversation like it started off as like a very calm like why weren't you at her labor? Um, and I understand that if you weren't there, then there's two other doctors at your practice that should have been there.

[00:21:10]>> Um, and not only that, one of the doctors lied to me as I was in labor telling me that I was 9 cm dilated. And then another doctor, his shift, it was such a practice. His shift ended and the next doctor came in like 5 minutes later and she checked me and I was only three centimeters and he wanted to give me ptocin and like fasten up the process.

[00:21:33]So she was just stating, my mother was just stating facts to this doctor and he was very defensive, started yelling at us. Um, mind you, I'm sitting there, him looking at me with my stitches, >> very vulnerable. I start crying. My mother is like, "How can you take care of a patient like this and just like let her figure it out on her own?" Um, and he's like, "Get the hell out of my office. I don't want to see any of you ever again.

[00:22:03]>> Oh my god.

[00:22:03]>> Um, wow.

[00:22:04]>> And I think at that point, like you ask me if if my postpartum depression comes from my experience. I think this really did play a big role in my trauma was that I felt like I was screaming and crying in this like glass box that no one can hear me. You can see that I was not okay, but like no one's listening to me, you know? And like here I am coming back to the source who's able to help me and he just like one week later shuts me down and kicks me out.

[00:22:33]>> Wow.

[00:22:34]>> Um so yeah that definitely added to the whole experience.

[00:22:39]>> Wow. And how and how did you know that you had postpartum depression? So, being that I had a living nanny, um things started getting like easier in the sense of like, oh, this is actually working.

[00:22:51]Like maybe be sleeping and eating and and drinking bottles. Um and I remember everyone um the number one thing that people tell you is, "Oh, you're not sleeping, so you're you're probably so tired.

[00:23:05]>> Your hormones your hormones." Yeah.

[00:23:07]>> But I kept trying to justify that by saying I am sleeping. I'm actually sleeping great because I have a night nurse. So, um I don't know, something's wrong. And then I started getting these crazy headaches. I was driving. I remember once I was driving on a highway in Long Island and I got this bashing headache in my head that I started swerving and I ended up on the side of the grass.

[00:23:32]>> Oh, wow.

[00:23:33]>> Um and I caught my husband and I was like, >> I don't know, something is really wrong.

[00:23:38]Maybe there's I I I thought it was God forbid cancer. Um, I went to different doctors. I went to a neurologist. I got an MRI. Nothing in the MRI. Um, I was getting blood work literally between one once to two times per week. Um, and they kept running my labs and there was nothing wrong. Maybe there was like few things up and down.

[00:24:02]>> Um, and I was already 2 months postpartum. It was pes. We went, you were there. We went to >> I don't remember you having like an issue there. So we went to Mexico was not able to walk. I barely left my hotel room. Um I was >> petrified beyond to fly with my baby to be taking care of my baby. It was the first time that I wasn't going to have night nurse.

[00:24:31]>> Um I remember having all this like panic in my head of like what's going to be you're going to have to wake up in the middle of the night. You don't know how I didn't even know how how many ounces my baby was drinking. I didn't even know how often. I was so detached from my baby that I almost like he was like the the the nur like he was the nurse's baby and I had him like a few hours here and there during the day.

[00:24:54]>> Um I was so out of it and my husband kept saying like Dina you know what Connie said your doula your mind heals faster than your body stay in bed. Stay in bed and I didn't. and I would go do get a manicure, go out of my house, and then it definitely caught up to me. Um, when I came to Mexico, I started feeling really faint. Um, and I wasn't able to do normal things like I wasn't able to go to the buffet and put food on my plate. I wasn't able to walk from my hotel room to the lobby without feeling like I'm gonna fall.

[00:25:34]>> Wow.

[00:25:34]>> Um and I and I told my husband, I said like, "What if something is really wrong and we're in Mexico and like we need a hospital?"

[00:25:43]>> Yeah.

[00:25:43]>> Um and the first night, I couldn't sit at the table. I remember I kept falling to the side and my mother's like, "You need to go back to your room." and she brought me back to my room and I started hemorrhaging again for the second time in uh my hotel room. I now I'm two months postpartum. I don't have a doctor. I don't have an OB because I got kicked out of my other one just for no reason. So I called my family friend who is a family doctor and he was kind of like calming me down. But I'm like this is not an ordinary case of a woman going into labor, hemorrhaging, all of that.

[00:26:21]This is my second time hemorrhaging.

[00:26:23]>> Um, I'm in a in a third world country.

[00:26:27]Um, I need help. And I ended up going to the hotel had like a could I curse? I don't know. A [ __ ] doctor.

[00:26:36][laughter] >> I remember that.

[00:26:38]>> I was like with like a Amazon folding table >> and he's like, "You need to go to the hospital right now." And I was like, "Okay, sir, calm down." Um, there was actually a kid that ended up flying out. um from the program on like a hot sala air plane. I was so close to going on that plane home. I was really not okay. And then from the first night sater, >> I would leave the room for like few hours at a time but like sit more than walk like outside. I was never in the sun.

[00:27:09]>> Um and then I really haven't thought about this in so long. Wow.

[00:27:14]And then I came back to my hotel room and I it was just more daily things were h like regular daily life things were not working out for me that I knew something was was really wrong. And when I came back to New York I told my husband I said like we need to get down to the bottom of this. And it was just doctor after doctor. I remember just crying after every appointment like why can't someone figure out what the hell is going on with me? I called my mother up and my mother was like, "Maybe you have postpartum depression." Now, I remember postpartum depression for me was is this stigma in my head of there's something wrong with you. You um are not capable of taking care of yourself.

[00:27:57]>> Where did you learn that from?

[00:27:58]>> Just society. I just I just felt like that's that's what it was. Barely any women struggle with it. So, like you're the one out of a hundred.

[00:28:07]>> And um I kept like gaslighting myself.

[00:28:09]And I remember when my mom told me that on the phone, like instantly I snapped at her. I started screaming at her on the phone. I was screaming and crying and I was like, "How dare you say that to me?" And unlike my mother, my mother is the one that saw me go through hell.

[00:28:26]And here she is telling me, >> "Maybe I have postpartum depression. Why isn't anyone listening to me?" Even my own mother. and she was right the whole time. Anyways, I was still going to different doctors. After 6 months, literally, of just searching and searching, I went back to my primary doctor >> in Crown Heights and I sat down with him and I brought all my paperwork, all my labs, all my appointments. He was sitting there and just reading it for like five full on minutes. I was quiet in the room and he looks at me. He takes his glasses off and he's like, "Honey, you have postpartum depression."

[00:29:04]>> Wow.

[00:29:04]>> And I was like, "No, I don't." And he's like, "You have postpartum depression and it's okay." I said, "No, I don't."

[00:29:12]He said, "Let me tell you something. I'm going to prescribe you medication." Now, as soon as he started saying that, I'm like, "No, no, no, no, I don't." And he's we're fighting. And I was like, and he's like, he literally took my wrist.

[00:29:24]He's like, "Stop arguing with me. I'm going to give you something for the next two months. After two months, I want you to come back if you don't feel any better at all. I promise you. I don't even know what he promised me, but um I was like, "Okay." Now, at that point, I was They had to wheel me in a wheelchair from the waiting room to his room. I couldn't walk.

[00:29:48]>> This is 6 months.

[00:29:49]>> This is 6 months postpartum. I couldn't walk. Um I was in a wheelchair. I couldn't eat. My husband was making me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Would he would have my nanny bring it to me to my bed. I was in bed. Even though on Instagram it looked like I was going out here doing their like if I went for a manicure, I went straight back home. My clothes came off, my wig came off, the TV turned on, and I was just in bed.

[00:30:16]>> What do you say to that to people who look at Instagram and like think, you know, everything is great? It's Instagram is is is it's [ __ ] >> You know what I'm saying? Like it's I love my page and I really do try to stay true to who I am.

[00:30:33]>> But if I'm having like a virus and a big pimple on my face, like am I running to post that? No.

[00:30:38]>> Right.

[00:30:38]>> You know what I'm saying? Um and people on on social media look we follow other accounts as an outlet >> and you like when I look at some creators that I follow, I live vicariously through them. you know, so everyone is definitely um filtering what they put on social media. I I think the reason why I'm here today is because I I am trying to be true stay true to who I am and I say the truth and what I'm going through. So yeah, even though it looked like I was going shopping after I was I came home and my legs were shaking and I probably almost fainted and I went into bed and that's it. Um, not only that, my immune system got shot. So, every single week, I would say like even twice a week, I was getting sick with something. So, I got the neuro virus, I had the flu, I had food poisoning. I was in the hospital again for food poisoning.

[00:31:34]>> Um, and me and my friend both ate the same food and I ended up in the hospital. I got >> every disease pos, every sickness possible and I really worked and continued to work on my immune system.

[00:31:45]Um, and so he when I went to my doctor, I was in the worst place and he told me, he's like, "You're going to take this medication. It's not going to work right away. Um, it takes a month to see a difference." And I was like spiraling in my head.

[00:32:02]>> I came home, >> I spoke to my husband about it. My husband was like, "Dina, it's okay.

[00:32:07]Let's not go on Google. Let's not go on chat GBT because we're going to go even more crazy." And it was just so special.

[00:32:17]And I feel so lucky that he he's never experienced postpartum depression either, you know, and the fact that he was able to be the strong one when I wasn't and walk me through that.

[00:32:28]>> Um, and help me be calm was really it was really a blessing. Um, I didn't sleep for not a minute that night.

[00:32:37]>> Not a minute. My I didn't even look at my phone. My head was just like this for the whole night. Um, I remember I kept thinking to myself, I'm crazy. I'm different. Um, I'm so sad. This is I'm I'm I'm going to end up on the streets like a druggie. Like, and and like I'm like, "Hey, Dina, calm down." Like, relax. Did you grow up with the stigma of taking any sort of medication?

[00:33:06]Because even like nowadays, anxiety meds, depression meds, like it's it's pretty popular. It's not something that like nobody does, but I'm wondering if maybe the way that you grew up, it was just not part of your culture.

[00:33:18]>> I would say it wasn't it wasn't like a hush- hush thing growing up. It was more we weren't exposed to that. Like we never no one in my family, thank God, has ever had any issues with this stuff, any medication stuff. So, it wasn't like >> this is what's happening, don't tell anyone. Or like, oh, this person's taking this, I can't believe it. It was I would say my parents really kept us like ignorant to it and I'm grateful for that. Um but I at the same time I was really spiraling. I was like there's something what's going on like what's wrong you know >> and also seemed um to some to some extent that you were very in tuned with your body like you really felt like something was wrong and you were in tune to what was going on. There are people that are just not in tune to the to their body and like [snorts] what it needs.

[00:34:08]>> Yeah. I remember um actually so funny. I remember your husband was when we were at the program in Mexico. I was sitting my husband was standing online to get a coffee and your husband was in the line waiting for a coffee >> and I just remember looking at everyone in the line and I'm like they're so lucky to be able to stand in a line to get coffee.

[00:34:31]>> Little did you know that my husband was crazy sick on that vacation. Like sick the entire time. went to that same doctor that you went to. So, [gasps and clears throat] it's just funny that like, you know, what you see in front of you is not necessarily what's like real, you know?

[00:34:47]>> Mind you, >> I don't even know if I should say this.

[00:34:50]>> You can say it.

[00:34:51]>> I'll say it, but I might like get some blowback for it. There was um a girl on the program who does work for the doctor that I went to. She's a nurse at his office.

[00:35:04]>> Oh, wow. And um when I was hemorrhaging again, I remember um my husband and my father went to go get her. And she was like, "Sorry, I'm with my kids. Like um I'm not like very like hoty toy." And I was like, "Are you kidding me? Like I'm dying here."

[00:35:24]Literally. And then she like came and she made it seem like she was doing me a service.

[00:35:29]>> Wow. Wow.

[00:35:30]>> And like I get it. You're on vacation.

[00:35:32]Yeah, you're not at work, but >> and you're in the health.

[00:35:35]>> This is your practice. Yeah, this is your Not only that, I also emailed the doctor cuz he doesn't do he doesn't give out his phone. No problem. I emailed him and his response was um when the body doesn't follow what the body needs to do postpartum, then the body won't um heal.

[00:35:54][clears throat] >> Wow.

[00:35:55]>> And I'm like, are you kidding me? What type of answer is that? this is not like a riddle like [laughter] like help me like >> what should I do now you know >> and almost like they're like blaming you for your postpartum >> situation you know when really it has nothing to do with with you >> so did you find that after a month of being on the medication that it actually helped and you started to feel like back to back to yourself >> so after a month um I started to feel definitely a little bit better. I would say it took like for me it took 2 months maybe to feel um like a lot better and like that along with working with my therapist. I just kept thinking to myself like I can't wait for the day that I could just walk from my house to my parents house on the next block in Crown Heights without feeling faint.

[00:36:47]>> I just can't wait.

[00:36:48]>> And at that point like I was and I was able to. And then it slowly turned in to giving my baby a bath. And then it turned into taking my baby for a walk.

[00:37:01]Um being alone with him for more than a few hours.

[00:37:07]>> Um at 8 months is when I was like, "Okay, we don't need a night nurse anymore."

[00:37:13]>> Yeah.

[00:37:13]>> Um I think that's when I was fully able to hold the harnesses and like take control. Yeah. It was definitely It's definitely a a journey. like it was a lot.

[00:37:22]>> Yeah. Yeah. That it sounds crazy.

[00:37:25]>> Yeah.

[00:37:26]>> Um and now I just want to switch gears for a second. Um to go into the other uh reason why you're here. Um and what you talk about online is getting the gastric sleeve. Um which you did how long ago?

[00:37:41]>> So I did it at the end of November.

[00:37:43]>> Okay.

[00:37:44]>> Um because I was on mara before I got pregnant.

[00:37:48]>> I have never felt so good about myself.

[00:37:51]I think there is a there's definitely this energy around when you feel good, you look good. Um, it was for myself, not for anyone else. I personally love clothing. I'm obsessed with clothing. I love color.

[00:38:07]>> Amazing fashion.

[00:38:08]>> Thank you. Thank you. So, I I feel like my personality shines through my clothes >> and also my mouth. But yeah, [laughter] um, >> both are good.

[00:38:18]>> Yeah. So, I I remember like when when my pregnancy was was going through the months and then after postpartum, I was literally wearing the same dress in four different colors. Uh, and I knew the black one would hide more everything than the beige one and beige wasn't my color, but it was the only thing that they had in my size. [laughter] And like literally that's Yeah. So, that's like >> I was just juggling between four of the same dresses. um Shabas would come, my feet were only able to fit into the same pair of sneakers that I wore every single day in my pregnancy. I remember that I kept holding on to this feeling of my Mjaro days and um feeling good about myself and I knew and I told my husband, I said, I know that I'm going to be doing something. I'm just not sure what, >> right? Why not go back on, you know, a GLP1 or something like that?

[00:39:09]>> Yeah. So, a I'll tell you a few months after I gave birth, um I had my first gallbladder attack.

[00:39:19]>> Um I didn't know it was a gallbladder attack. It It literally felt like labor again.

[00:39:23]>> Yeah.

[00:39:24]>> Um I don't know if you know anyone that has had it or if you had it.

[00:39:27]>> Yeah. [laughter] No, I've had it removed also, my gallbladder um right after I had my my fourth baby. So, >> yeah. So, I didn't know that it actually could come from from um from birth, from child birth. You could develop stones.

[00:39:45]>> And so, I also I never had a surgery in my life. I've never gotten stitches before all of this.

[00:39:52]>> So, I was really afraid of the hospital, of needles, of >> This like threw you into it.

[00:39:57]>> Yeah. I So, I felt like I got cornered into it. Mhm.

[00:40:01]>> Um, literally someone's like coming up to me with a gun like this is going to happen and you have to get your gallbladder removed. So, I went to the most incredible doctor, Dr. Bessler in Lennox Hill Hospital in the city. Um, I went to him. He's definitely >> a little egotistical and if you're watching this, >> um, but he knows his [ __ ] and he knows exactly what he's doing. And um the people that I know that have gone to him have zero complications.

[00:40:33]Um he gives it to you exactly the way it's going to be and he answers all your questions. Um and I basically looked at him and I was like, "Wait, if I'm removing my gallbladder, could I remove my stomach also?" [laughter] And he's like, >> he's like, "Yeah, sure." Like, so he like tells he's like, "Okay, Genesis, write it down." She's removing her stomach. Also, we're doing the gastric sleeve. And I was like, "Wait, wait."

[00:41:00]And my hus [laughter] and my husband's in the room. He's like, "Wait, can you give us like 10 minutes to talk? Like, can you go out of the room?" And so, he's like, "Yeah, take all the time you want." They walk out of the room.

[00:41:11]>> And my husband's like, "Are you sure you want to do this?" And I was like, I told him, I said, "You know, Mendy, like, I've struggled with weight my whole life. I've gone bullied for it since I was a little girl.

[00:41:22]Um, I know that it's not a a forever.

[00:41:26]It's a tool to help me get to where I want to be and to sustain a a weight that would that I would feel comfortable in.

[00:41:35]>> Um, I don't feel comfortable the way I look. Um, I'm over 240 lbs and I need to do something about it. And I don't want to do again because look at what happened when I took Marjaro. you gained it >> and then I gained so much weight again after that it just I think that's definitely part of the reason why I had such a hard labor was cuz my baby was so big >> and if I wouldn't have got gained so much weight you know right >> it's just a trickle effect so um I ended up actually finding a really good OB in Long Island Dr. Petra Kovsky.

[00:42:13]Excellent. Excellent guy.

[00:42:14]>> Wow. It's so funny that you come to Long Island from Brooklyn. We go to Brooklyn or the city. [laughter] >> He's actually um one exit after the other OB that I went to. So, it's definitely like it reminds me every time I drive down the highway.

[00:42:27]>> Um so, I was I went back to him and I was like, can you know, does this affect fertility? How does this work having the sleeve surgery and having children and my gallbladder removed? and he said, "Well, listen, firstly >> um having stones can come from from um delivering a child." So, he's like, "If you get you need to get your your gallbladder removed anyways." Then he told me, he said, "I have so many patients that have had a sleeve or weight loss surgery and especially with women that have PCOS, it helps them get pregnant."

[00:43:02]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:43:02]>> Yeah. So, I was like, um, okay, great.

[00:43:05]Um, I went back to Dr. professor, the surgeon, and I um scheduled in my appointments. I saw you have to see a psychiatrist, you have to see the nutritionist, you have to go on these group classes. Um and it wasn't like a one, two, three thing. It was like 6 months, 6 to 7 months building up to basically get all your appointments in with the nutritionist and the the requirements that you need and the tests that you need to take for the surgery.

[00:43:36]and then they submit it to insurance and then you've got a date, right? [snorts] >> So, um, >> so not every doctor, just to clarify that, not every doctor requires that.

[00:43:45]That's only if you're getting it approved through insurance and if you don't get it through insurance and you don't have to do all that.

[00:43:50]>> Okay. And also a big thing for me was I remember telling my husband, I'm like, Mendy, I have the opportunity right now to get this covered by insurance. I don't want to ever have this opportunity again, >> ever. And not only that, actually when we first got married, I remember I went to this doctor, Dr. Bessler in Colia, >> and um I was going to do the surgery back then.

[00:44:14]>> Oh.

[00:44:15]>> Before I got pregnant and um >> I was going to pay like I already like sent the deposit and I was going to pay out of pocket for it. Um and I because I never gotten any surgery. I never had any any issues. I was like, I'm too scared. I don't want to like put a knife to my stomach. It's not for me.

[00:44:35]>> Right.

[00:44:35]>> So, um, >> but after your whole Libra experience, this was like a walk in the park.

[00:44:41]>> Um, just to say if anyone's, um, thinking about it, it was the best decision that I've ever made for myself.

[00:44:48]>> Um, I would say the first day you just feel like you did 100 sit-ups.

[00:44:54]>> Um, this you don't see the stitches, they cover it. Um, I remember walking literally like I walked in with the nurses to the surgery room. They're like, "Okay, you lay on the table."

[00:45:06]They're like, "What song do you want?"

[00:45:07]And I was like, "Oh, I don't know. Play Drake." So, [laughter] they're blasting Drake. And that's the last thing I remembered. And they put me to sleep.

[00:45:14]And then I woke up. Yeah. Um, and yeah, you sleep in the hospital. My mother slept with me. My husband was home with my baby. It was really incredible. like it was it's such a good tool to have and and I do have a lot of women that are coming at me on social media and saying you're not helping people that have body dysmorphia and this could really affect the younger generation. And I want to make something very clear is that when I say that the surgery is really life-changing. I know so many people that are struggling with walking up the stairs and being out of out of breath, having um heart problems, their legs being purple for being overweight. Um >> when you lose weight, all those problems go away.

[00:46:01]>> Yeah.

[00:46:01]>> And this is really it's not for your for your average um person who's in the regular BMI. This is for someone who's morbidly obese and that needs help. And also um I never had a healthy relationship around food. Like I remember um and I was just telling this to my husband the other day. Um when I was a kid, I used to walk to school with my friends and on the way to school which is there was this grocery store Klein's that was a block before I got to school. I would go in get a huge ices like this big.

[00:46:36][laughter] >> Yeah. and um three bags of ketchup chips no matter what.

[00:46:42]>> And he had like it was like back then so he had a box with index cards. He had my name and he would just oh I'm putting it on your bill. I'm putting it on your bill.

[00:46:49]>> Yeah.

[00:46:50]>> And by the time I got to school which was again a block after everything was done.

[00:46:55]>> Wow. And then recess would come and I would ask my friends for snack and like my heart really hurts even like hearing that like >> when my child goes to school and then they're eating because they're afraid that there's not going to be enough and then recess comes and they don't have a snack and then they're eating everyone else's snack >> like it hurts and my heart hurts for little Dena.

[00:47:17]>> Yeah. So there's a lot of like also trauma >> with but I also think that people think >> the minute you get the surgery you know and you lose the weight that everything is magically better >> but really it's the internal work at least it was for me it's the internal work that you do like specifically yeah that's that's what I I did a whole podcast on it way on all I did a lot of surgeries I did the lap end also I did the sleeve I did the lap end twice Yeah. So that's like a whole other discussion. But >> but I know for me that if I didn't if I didn't do the internal work of like the relationship with food and the relationship with my body, then the sleeve would eventually like wear off, right? Because your stomach does expand over time. And then you have to use what you actually learned about food and incorporate it into your everyday life.

[00:48:11]>> Yeah.

[00:48:12]>> So it's a big part of it.

[00:48:14]>> I know people that have gotten it. And I know people that have gained back all the way and I know know people that have kept it off years later.

[00:48:21]>> Yeah.

[00:48:22]>> Um >> I think Hashem has put me in a place of experiencing what I went through postpartum of not walking, not being able to eat, not just just doing not um just not being able to do regular daily life things that your average person could do. And um it made me do like a deep dive in my life and um change the way I look at food and change the way I look at working out. I'm not working out now to get thin. I'm working out to get strong as hell.

[00:48:55]>> Um and what I put in my body is is what's going to help me get there. Um, and we're also a really uh toxic free household. So, we don't do plastic. Um, we don't use any like toxins um cleaning tools. You were always like that or it just happened after >> my husband when I met my husband he was really like this and I didn't know anything about it and it actually would piss me off like he knew like he's like he would never use the microwave but when I would use it like he wouldn't say anything. Um and then like he would just silently like go on Amazon like buy wooden cutting boards and um he would be like here if you want this like you can use this also but he was never like forceful about it >> and then this whole thing happened.

[00:49:48]>> Um and I feel like I was like just not forced into it but I was just shown that there's a whole new world of health and that big pharma wants to make money off of us. And what were what were the the humans doing years ago and how was there less cancer and less diabetes years ago?

[00:50:09]>> But then that also is contradictory to the medication that you take, right? So it's like this, >> you know, >> so I um so I told my husband at I said at a certain point and I actually was going to um herbalists and um I was doing a lot of like energy work. My husband doesn't really believe in the energy stuff. I feel like no men do. My father doesn't either.

[00:50:32]>> Some men do.

[00:50:33]>> Yeah.

[00:50:34]>> My father's like, "If you want, you pay me $250. I'll be your energy healer."

[00:50:39][laughter] >> Um, so I was doing like a lot of this before and at a certain point I had to like surrender.

[00:50:46]>> And I remember I told my husband, I was like, "This is he's I said like I have to take this medication." And my doctor did tell me, he's like, "Dina, um, I'm giving you this medication and I'm forcing you to take this medication. Not literally, but literally." Um, he's like, "But you have to promise me that you're going to work out three to five times a week."

[00:51:07]>> And I was like, "Why?" He's like, "Because the same serotonin that you get from the medication you get from working out."

[00:51:13]>> So, >> and I see it. I see it. As soon as I work out, everything else in my life is in control. the food that I eat, the shopping, the the the budgets, all of that's in control when I work out.

[00:51:25][laughter] >> And when you don't work out, the shopping and the budget is like out the window.

[00:51:29]>> Yeah. Yeah. Like my friend in Florida, Dana, she's like, whenever I like go above our budget, I text her, she's like, "Did you work out today?" And I [laughter] was like, "Actually, I didn't." [gasps] So, um, yeah, definitely. So what would you if you had like one thing that you would want to tell people if they don't feel like themselves you know at this point in their life what should they do? I would say that if you don't have as much drive or patience or interest to do the little things that you once did before you had a baby. If we're talking about like postpartum >> um definitely get help. um just like a quick little >> thing. I had a glasses store on the corner of my uh block. I live on the corner. It was across the street on the other corner >> and the doctor kept the the eye doctor kept calling me. He kept saying, "Your glasses are ready. Your glasses are ready." And the thought of me >> walking 30 seconds to the store felt like I was walking a mountain. Literally climbing a mountain. And I kept replaying that and like my shoulders were just getting heavy every time. But I never was like weary of what was going on and that this is postpartum depression. Um there's nothing to be ashamed of ever since I posted that I struggle with postpartum depression. Um so so many people have messaged me that they have struggled with it. Um and also they are either considering or they have gotten a weight loss surgery. Mhm.

[00:53:01]>> Um I just think there's so many um like hush hush things in the world that we don't normalize and these are all normal >> things. You can still wear your Chanel, look pretty, wear your lip gloss and >> take postpartum depression medication.

[00:53:16]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:53:17]>> You know, and I think that's so amazing that like you're so brave to talk about it openly on on your platform. Really, not a lot of women are doing it. Even with Ompic culture, everybody is on Ompic but not talking that they're on OMIC. And you know, like, god forbid, you should say that you're doing something to help yourself look and feel better. And I'm not really sure why there's a stigma that's around it. But >> it is what it is. And hopefully that will change. But just by you kind of being even a little bit open about your about your journey is like that one step closer to like people just normalizing this stuff. Like there's just no reason why we shouldn't. So, um, if you want, just tell people where they can find you and your amazing wig line. So, >> thank you. Our Instagram is Dina Stern Wigs and you can contact us there. And if you have any questions regarding surgery, postpartum depression, medication, or um, anything, you can DM me and I'll see you and I'll answer.

[00:54:14]Yeah. Um, thank you so much for joining us today, Dina. This was amazing. If you like this show, if you can please like, subscribe, and share. Um, you can find me on Instagram at talktoamara or on my website at tamaragastner.com or you can DM me for any private consultations.