i have pmdd and it was ruining my life

Added: 2026-05-25

[00:00:00]This is out of the ordinary for me, but today we are going to start off with a small prayer because today is the last day of my follicular phase.

[00:00:08]Hey Sky Daddy, please protect my family as I enter into my luteal phase. As a PMDD girly, you know it's about to get crazy. And if this time around my boobs could hurt just a little bit less, that would be much appreciated. Amen. Amen.

[00:00:20]Welcome back to my channel, Shirley had a baby, where the she is me, Jessica Rose. And today we're going to be talking about something that I struggle with, and it's called PMDD. For those that don't know, PMDD stands for premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I'm going to read you guys an actual definition of it though. Okay, so PMDD is a severe chronic medical condition causing debilitating physical and emotional symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, rage, fatigue, during a week or two before menstruation. It's a more intense, disabling form of premenstrual syndrome, which is PMS, everyone knows that as PMS, that often requires medical management. And medical management, it indeed does require, y'all. PMDD affects daily life, true relationships, facts, work. Yes.

[00:01:05]With a list of symptoms that may include irritability, anger, sadness, hopelessness, and severe mood swings, intense anxiety, feelings of being overwhelmed, and sometimes thoughts of Physically, PMDD can cause severe bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, joint or muscle aches, and behavioral changes that you may notice with PMDD is binge eating, cravings, fatigue, and difficulty sleeping. I think I actually felt like slightly triggered reading that out loud because I'm like, wow, that's really like my life, at least half of it, right? When people would ask me like, oh, like, what is PMDD? The best way that I would be able to describe it is as a mild form of bipolar that shows up for like half of every month. Unfortunately, I do not know that PMDD is something that I will ever be on the other side of, but I am in a much better position as far as the way that I manage it. And that's why I wanted to make today's video to talk to you guys about how long I've had PMDD for and what my journey to figuring out a diagnosis for it was, how living with PMDD impacts my relationships, romantic and platonic, and then of course how it is that I am managing it, which is the most important and hopefully helpful part for anyone out there that is struggling with it. I know I just started drinking these Alani Nus. I actually got a variety pack from Costco and these are single-handedly carrying me through my days, okay? I'm getting things done thanks to Alani Nus. Okay, so let's get into it. If you were to ask my mother how long I have struggled with PMDD, she would probably tell you since I started having a menstrual cycle. The more that I've learned about it over the years, I would agree. I feel like I was kind of late to the game. I didn't end up getting my period until I was in the ninth grade. So I was a high school student and high school was when I started getting pretty angsty. That teen angst that you see on television and in movies where kids are just struggling and going through it, that was me. That was me 100%. I have actually always thought that I was just bipolar. In fact, when I started working with my therapist about 2 years ago, she initially diagnosed me as being bipolar until we started ruling some things out.

[00:03:17]And the things that we ruled out were that one, I was diabetic, which severely impacts my mood. For the first couple of months working together, she put a huge emphasis on me going and getting blood work done. And when I did that, that's when we realized that I was diabetic.

[00:03:30]And then when I actually went and had a visit with an endocrinologist, that is where I got my diagnosis, like my official diagnosis of having PMDD. And with those two things combined, my therapist has now taken away the bipolar diagnosis. For my therapist and for myself to have thought this whole time though that I struggle with bipolar disorder should give you a little a little of insight into just how extreme the mood swings and level of irritability having something like this is. When I was younger and I wasn't tracking the patterns in the way that I do now, I struggled with what I thought was just severe impulse control. I would be upset or agitated and just make really poor decisions and then later on regret them or find myself coming back to like a more rational state of mind.

[00:04:16]And because PMDD is something that is a monthly occurrence, it felt like it was just happening all of the time. And it kind of is because something happening monthly is pretty frequent, >> [laughter] >> especially when it's for half of the month, okay? Eventually as I got older, I started to associate it with my period, but everything that I would see or even when I would talk to doctors about how I was feeling, I was just told that this was like PMS. I would legit have doctors tell me for one what they always do, which is that, "Girl, everything will be better when you're not being anymore." And it's like, okay, fine, sure, maybe some health stuff would subside, but like what I'm telling you is that mentally, mentally I am going through it right now. Yeah, it was always kind of just written off as PMS.

[00:04:59]I also used to have really, really intense menstrual cycles where I felt like I was bleeding for extended periods of time. So, a couple of different doctors tried to do things like put me on birth control, but for me birth control made my situation like a million times worse. Like if I thought I wanted to myself before, baby, it was giving like bring myself back to life to myself again. Like it was such an intense feeling of misery on birth control that I absolutely had to get off of it. And I tried different ones. I tried the one that was implanted in my arm. I think it was called like the Nexplanon. That made me feel awful and then I tried to do like oral tablets, also made me feel awful. Tried to switch the kind of oral tablets that I was taking and one of them had me bleeding for 31 days. Living with PMDD kind of just it it just sucks.

[00:05:49]And not just for you, for the other people in your life. I feel like I have to apologize a lot more frequently in my mothering when my PMDD signs start to show up because I get to such a level of irritability that I just don't have patience for the small things. And then like the shame and the sadness about how I'm showing up during those times because all of my emotions are extreme including my sad ones. Then there's like it's a very debilitating cycle of being annoyed with people and then also feeling like I'm not good enough for the people around me whether it's like my child or my partner or my friends. And it is it's not fun. And I have been in a serious long-term relationship for the past two and a half years. I'm actually married. You guys know I'm married to my partner Jay. And I think that being with Jay actually helped me in a lot of ways because someone sticking around and helping me really realize how much of a cyclical thing my moods were. Made me lean into wanting to like find a solution or clearly identify what was going on with me more because prior to this relationship I'd be dating and hooking up with people, right? But the situations were not lasting. The situations were not lasting.

[00:07:01]And having the awareness that I have now, like I understand why. I would go through periods of pure bliss for a couple of weeks with the person and then something would happen where my mental state around that person would take a complete shift. Whether it was severe jealousy, severe anxiety, severe irritability that would cause me to interact with them in a way that caused friction, arguments, and eventually led to like a falling out. Or even sometimes a person just being like, "Wow, like you're actually nuts." I ain't perfect, but I'm WORTH IT, OKAY? I AIN'T PERFECT, BUT I'M WORTH IT.

[00:07:39]SO THERE'S aspects of the PMDD that I have more managed, but it actually still makes relationships, whether it's like friendships, my relationship with my child, and my relationship with my spouse, like difficult at times because I will go from living on cloud nine for half of the month to questioning everything. I'm very committed to my spouse. I love them very much, but there is a period of time every month where I have to actively remind myself of what I feel like when I'm not in my luteal phase so that I know that ending a relationship, a friendship, a marriage is not something that I actually want to do. I'm just suffering the symptoms of what feels, honestly, like a chronic mental illness. And I have definitely had my fair share of very, very chaotically ending friendships, relationships, situationships, work relationships, some of which were very valid because people had me absolutely twisted. But there's others that I look back on like, I don't know how necessary that was. I was tweaking a little bit. And like I said, I do not think that PMDD is something that I will ever completely be on the other side of, but I am actively managing it in a way that has lessened the severity or the impact of everything that happens to me. And one of the most important things that I do now is I'm actually really intentional about tracking my cycle, and I'm really intentional about that because it allows me to pay attention to the phases that I'm in. So, I start off this video, right, letting you guys know that I am in my follicular phase. My follicular phase is probably my happiest, most upbeat, full of energy phase. Like, sometimes it can happen in my ovulation phase a little bit, too, which is the phase that comes after follicular. My follicular phase, oh baby, that's like 9 to 10 days out of the month where I get busy. And because I manage my cycle, I know that I have to be really intentional with that time. That's what managing your phases of your cycle when you have PMDD allows you to do. It allows you to literally plan your month out and be like, "Hey, I know that these are the days that I'm going to have it."

[00:09:49]Especially as like a content creator, maybe once I hit that luteal phase, I'm not going to be sitting in front of this camera. It's just it's literally just not going to happen. So, I kind of have to go crazy during the other phases.

[00:09:59]But, when I wasn't tracking that, I was just absolutely down and out, miserable, feeling like a failure throughout the whole thing instead of preparing for when my body is going to do this horrible thing that it does to me every month.

[00:10:12]>> [laughter] >> My therapist actually put me on to this really cool app called Moody. It has this little cute dragon, and because I'm kind of like a little bit of a woo-woo girl, I like the fact that it gives you They call it like a hormonal scope. They combine horoscope and hormonal to give you a hormonal scope. I think that that's I think it's super cute. And it gives you a little quote, like an affirming quote, that is relative to the day that it is and the phase that you're currently in. Looking at this every single day and just getting that reassurance that the things that are coming up for me, whether it's anxiety, happiness, productivity, energy, sadness, seeing that those were normal things that other people that were in these phases of their cycle were experiencing too was like comforting and refreshing and just much needed. The app was really cool. It tells you the types of workouts that you should be doing during whatever phase that you're in. It gives you recommendations for the kinds of foods that you should be eating during the phase that you're in. Does it ever say that I should be drinking a 200 mg caffeine by Alani Nu? No, it doesn't.

[00:11:15]And by now, you should also know that like having a therapist, a consistent therapist, one that you're seeing consistently, is a major key in the management of this thing. And it is basically during my luteal phase that I kind of start to make the journey into being a different person. So, being really intentional about journaling during that time to maybe get some of the thoughts and feelings that I'm having out that I don't necessarily need to say to other people is super helpful.

[00:11:43]That is also another thing that helps me track the cyclical nature of my thoughts because I can look through my journal and say, "Hey, around this time last month I was feeling like this again.

[00:11:53]This is not a life issue. This is not a issue with this person. This is not, you know, this is not something that needs to be fixed or changed. This is something that I just need to identify is more intense for me because of the phase that my body is in right now."

[00:12:08]Like I said before I started seeing an endocrinologist and one of the things that she actually recommended that I start doing to help with it is she asked me on a low dose of something called fluoxetine, which I believe is the generic version of Prozac, but because it's PMDD and because I track my cycle, I only take it during my luteal phase.

[00:12:28]So, as soon as it is my luteal phase, I start taking 20 mg of fluoxetine every night until my period starts and then like a day after that. Being therapized, managing and tracking my cycle, journaling, and being medicated, having PMDD went from being something that was completely debilitating to just like not being super fun. And I also do just want to say like with the medication aspect, it does kind of suck because I feel like during the luteal phase, I'm already a little bit more tired.

[00:12:59]So, really much more irritated than I normally would be.

[00:13:03]So, something that the medicine does do that kind of like is a new effect that sucks is it makes me incredibly sleepy.

[00:13:11]It's almost like the meds are basically just like, "Oh, girl, like you can't be crazy as hell if you're literally just asleep." So, yeah, I'm not a super fan of that, especially because of how much less productive I am during my luteal phase. Like making me such a sleepy woman on top of that is yeah, it's just not ideal for a type A ambitious content creator that has to like be in front of the camera and mom and wife who has to get stuff done. But I'm not completely spiraling out and raging out anymore and I feel like that definitely counts for something. And the last thing that I do want to mention is that there are so many Reddit subgroups and Facebook groups of people that are also dealing with and thinking some of these same exact things. And I just think it's so important to hear that there are other women that are struggling with the same exact thoughts, feelings, and things.

[00:14:03]Like girl, you are not crazy. This is just some cyclical hormonal that sucks. I just want you to know that you're not alone. Like that's one of the most important takeaways of this video is that you're not alone. You're not crazy. I mean girl, you're a little crazy. And as someone that's looking to always evolve and grow and do better, there are plenty of things that I am going to continue to proactively do to try to stay ahead of my PMDD, take better care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and I'm excited about taking y'all on that journey with me. If there's anything that you want more information about, that you want to ask me, or if you can just relate to some of the more severe symptoms that I have talked about today, let me know in the comments. I would love to connect with you guys. And if you aren't already, make sure that you subscribe to the channel so that you don't miss any videos from me. But for right now, like take care of yourself, take a nap if you need to, take a walk, get outside, get some vitamin D. I'll see you guys in the next video. Bye mamas.