Sami Clarke: How to Understand Your Nervous System & Use It as Your Superpower ft. Brittany Piper

Added: 2026-05-06

[00:00:00]Hey guys, it's Sammy >> and Sammy and welcome to transform, your safe space to form the best version of you. There are going to be a lot of laugh and oh boy, a lot of tears, but we are so grateful to be alongside you in your journey to transform. Woo! Here we go. Let's do it. My loves, my loves, I am so excited to have the beautiful Britt here again back better than ever.

[00:00:28]We did one episode together and truly was through the roof of people being so excited and this community absolutely loving that I was going to call it a session because that's what we do together but that podcast episode that we did together and with this series that I'm doing about loving yourself and trusting yourself you have been such a tool portal elevation evolving for me tool that I want everyone to utilize know about and this is like the perfect space to do it. So, I just want to say thank you for being here again and I'm so excited for us to have this conversation.

[00:01:07]>> I'm excited too. Yeah, I'm I'm thrilled to be here. There's nowhere else I'd rather be on a podcast.

[00:01:12]>> Oh, me too.

[00:01:13]>> I think before actually maybe two cuz maybe people haven't heard the first episode. So, if you haven't heard it, I do highly encourage you guys go back and listen to it. And we talked a lot about Brit's story, personal story of how she got to this point of being who she is and um just truly what is sematics. And that was such a powerful uh episode that we did. And I think for this one, I'm really excited to talk about a lot of the tools that you have taught me and that we do in our sessions. For anyone who doesn't know, I have worked with Brit now for almost a year. And I found her through social media when I was at a really tough time in my life of doing talk therapy and really wanting to find another way to meet myself and to elevate and to find some peace. And I found her on Instagram and I started saving her content, listening to her and reached out to her and her and I have now been working together for almost a year. So it is wild. It's so so wild.

[00:02:14]and she has a podcast now. She has programs. So, she's really putting out so much information that we need, especially with nervous system being such a buzzword, which we were talking about. We love that that's happening.

[00:02:26]And I think it's really important of who you're getting your information from.

[00:02:28]So, I'm really excited that you are here and this is like a treat. Like, she's truly my coach, my person, and and now she's here for all of you guys. So, it's going to be a really special session.

[00:02:40]Britt and I do something called resourcing in every session that we do.

[00:02:43]So I thought you could take the transform community through a little resourcing before we begin.

[00:02:49]>> Yeah. Let me check in with you. Do you have a preference on internal resourcing today like visualization place in the body or external resourcing?

[00:03:00]>> Let's do internal this time and maybe you can share again what resourcing is for anyone who hasn't heard.

[00:03:07]>> Yeah. Beautiful. So resourcing is it's the way that we allow the body and the nervous system to come into just a bit more ease, settling, presence, slowing down, providing space, some of the things you and I were just talking about. Um, but it's really just switching into that parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest state and resourcing. We do this through working directly with the body because the nervous system is a feeling system. It's not a thinking system. So we have to feel our way into regulation.

[00:03:39]So we do that by external resourcing which is like orienting using our senses, looking around, taking our time or we can do internal resourcing which is thinking of like a visualization or um going back to a memory that was really pleasant or a place we can also track internally in the body a place that's easier to be with. So that's what resourcing is and it's kind of the foundation of all sematic work because the better that we can resource the deeper the nervous system can go into activation because it's like oh I have this support system built in I know how to come back into that sense of safety.

[00:04:15]Um so yeah that's what resourcing is but yeah let's do some internal resourcing.

[00:04:20]So, I'll invite you guys, this will take just a couple of minutes, but I'll just invite you now to go ahead and just get into a comfortable position, okay? And just start to notice just the weight of your body right now.

[00:04:38]Just allow yourself to kind of land and just track internally either with eyes open or eyes closed. How is my body showing me that I'm here right now?

[00:04:55]So, it might be your breath. It might be your heart rate.

[00:05:02]It might be your body temperature. If you notice things like gurgling, that's a good sign that we're going into rest and digest. In our sessions, we hear a lot of things like this. So, just know that that's normal.

[00:05:18]And then just kind of track like the overall energy of your body right now.

[00:05:22]Like the quality of feeling like do you feel buzzy? Do you feel energized?

[00:05:28]Do you feel grounded, settled?

[00:05:32]Do you feel collapsed?

[00:05:35]Maybe you don't feel here at all.

[00:05:38]And the good news is is there's no right or wrong answer to any of this. We are just observing just how we're living moment to moment.

[00:05:50]So one thing I'll just invite you to do now is to just start to notice your back body.

[00:05:58]Okay, we're going to work with back body and then front body. So the back body is where your dorsal veagal or the dorsal vagus nerve runs in the body. And this is our our state of shutdown, but it's also where the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system runs through.

[00:06:15]Right. So, when we're tired, that's why our back kind of collapses forward.

[00:06:21]Just start to notice your spine.

[00:06:25]Notice the back of the rib cage. The bottom of the ribs is where the adrenals are.

[00:06:35]Notice your lower back.

[00:06:40]And then bring your attention back up to the shoulder blades between the shoulder blades.

[00:06:49]Now up into the back of the neck, the back of the skull. It's what we call the occiput. And this is where the cerebellum of the brain, which is the little structure that governs over the whole body. It's where it lives, just at the base of the skull.

[00:07:07]And then can you just imagine breathing into your back body?

[00:07:13]And as you do this, just notice if there's any areas of the back neck or the back of the head just that just start to let go a little bit that kind of surrender or yield into the support behind you.

[00:07:31]Okay.

[00:07:33]So now let's start to shift our attention just slowly to our front body and just allow your attention to land anywhere. You might land on your face, maybe your chest, maybe your belly.

[00:07:47]So this is where the vententral veagal and the sympathetic branches of the nervous system really live. So the vententral veagal state is that state of safety and connection, our social engagement system. So when we feel really connected to someone, we feel that at our heart.

[00:08:08]When we're connecting with someone, we're usually expressing with our face, right? So our front body is really online and engaged when we're in that state of connection.

[00:08:22]Also notice the belly.

[00:08:27]And again, we're just observing.

[00:08:30]Is there any tension? Is there settling?

[00:08:32]Is there opening? Expansion breath.

[00:08:40]All right. And now what we're going to do is just almost imagine that the front body and back body are working as one here to support each other. If it helps to move the body at all, to sit up straight, to rock left and right or front and back, you can. But just notice like how does this all feel connected and coherent and how amazing is it that I get to live in this body that holds so much wisdom.

[00:09:12]Last thing we'll do before we come out is just go ahead and notice your sitbones or your feet on the ground.

[00:09:18]Whatever is grounding you right now.

[00:09:20]I'll just invite you to notice that.

[00:09:26]just feeling into the sense of stability that you have.

[00:09:34]So for me, I'm pushing my toes just down into the floor a little bit. As I do that, I'm feeling my leg muscles kind of engage and a bit of a domino effect. Now my chest just kind of opened up a little bit. My chin is raising and I just feel kind of this empowered feeling, this groundedness and this stability.

[00:09:55]Just feel into that. Let that kind of flow through the body for a moment.

[00:10:01]And then if your eyes are closed, I'll invite you now to just gently start to open them slowly and just take in the space around you.

[00:10:12]And one thing I'll encourage you to just observe is does anything feel different?

[00:10:20]For me, there feels like there's a lot more clarity. I feel much more present.

[00:10:27]Still feel more lifted.

[00:10:31]Yeah.

[00:10:32]>> Okay. Thanks for that, guys.

[00:10:35]>> Thanks, Brit.

[00:10:36]>> Yeah.

[00:10:36]>> Walking us through that.

[00:10:38]>> I'll say something that I noticed for myself was a lot of burping and gurgling in my belly, which is pretty on brand for me.

[00:10:47]>> I said the gurgling. I was like, there she goes.

[00:10:49]>> My gurgling in the belly is when I know I'm like things are adjusting. we are doing it like it's good or I yawn a lot in our sessions.

[00:10:58]>> I love that I've now almost celebrated like when that's happening I'm like oh things are things are moving and we're realigning. You used a word I just like want to jump right in even into the resourcing and there's two words you used I think are really huge in the work that we have done together and I would love to invite others to do in their daily life. one was noticing and then the other was afterwards paying attention to if anything's changed. And those are two things that you say to me or we've worked together so often is one the noticing because for me it's noticing the discomfort but not running away from it and being able to be with it was a huge powerful tool that I started to use. And then number two was actually noticing also the changes that are being made even if it's so small.

[00:11:46]You'd be like, even if it's a half percent, I want you to recognize that like your neck opened a little bit or you feel a little bit of ease. Even if it was like a half a percent more and those two tools in itself, like let's talk about tools right off the bat, were a huge part of me feeling more in my body, less disregulated, and being able to be with the discomfort. And also just want to say a side note, you know, everyone on here I feel like has heard a lot of my journey, but the reason I went to Britt was because I was feeling so anxious, so in my head, thoughts were just absolutely debilitating. And this is where I found Britt. But those two things were off the bat already something I never have done and you continue to invite in for me to do to use as a tool.

[00:12:36]>> Yeah, I love that question.

[00:12:39]I think noticing provides a moment of pause because when we are stuck in states of survival in the nervous system either because we have unprocessed trauma and the system is still stuck in you know survival mode and those fightlight freeze responses or because life is so freaking stressful and we're just stuck in survival mode.

[00:13:03]Slowing down is guaranteed to be one of the easiest and quickest ways to support your nervous system. And it's funny because we often think like I need to do more to support my nervous system. No, we actually have to do less. And so simplifying the process and just noticing without needing to fix.

[00:13:22]Noticing is just observing, not changing, not forcing, just being with and noticing. So, for instance, like in a session, you and I might be talking about something or processing something and you'll say, "Oh, I just noticed this."

[00:13:38]Or I might ask you, "What did you just notice?" Gosh, we use the word notice a lot.

[00:13:42]>> And then you'll say like, "Oh, I'm noticing this sensation." And my response is always, "Okay, and can we just notice that a little bit longer and see what happens next?"

[00:13:52]And it takes the pressure off of, well, I'm noticing this anxiety or I'm noticing this tension and now I need to do this with it. It's can we just slow down, observe it, and allow the body to do what it knows how to do. Um, because the body knows how to metabolize really hard things, stress and activation. The problem is is that we often jump in and try to fix it ourselves before it can do its work. Um, so noticing is one way that we can slow down the nervous system. It allows for pause. It also allows us to interrupt our common impulses and reactions, the patterns that we get stuck in. Um, so it's just a really simple tool. I will say sometimes it's easier said than done, but that's the one thing I would re recommend.

[00:14:42]>> Can I ask a question to that? Yeah. for someone who and I honestly felt this for a second when I was in it where it felt almost that scary feeling of noticing like you kind of have that feeling of like this is really scary to just actually be with that and I think that that was a lot of the work that we've done together is knowing you're okay and knowing that it is okay to actually be with that discomfort and you said your body actually knows how to metabolize it. Can you speak to that more of maybe someone who's entering into this and they want to be with it, but it feels a little bit scary to be with it, maybe they haven't ever been with it. And what does that mean when your body actually knows how to metabolize it? For sure. So, if it feels overwhelming at first, which it likely will, it's a great question.

[00:15:32]There is an add-on question. I'm feeling really anxious. My heart is pounding out of my chest. Okay. without needing to go into meaning, without needing to like make sense of what is happening, without going into the story, can I just notice my heart? Oh, that feels really intense.

[00:15:48]But what happens when we start to notice the beating heart? Then it starts to beat even faster. This will, especially if we're just starting in sematic work, that is likely what's going to happen.

[00:15:58]It's just going to create more activation because we're not used to being with that kind of feeling. But within usually 60 to 90 seconds, you'll notice that it starts to Okay. Right. So what happens next? It starts to slow back down. And they often say that fear is like, you know, a mile wide, but it's an inch deep. The fear that we step into. And so if you are afraid of your body, it's going to create more of that that activation. So, another step that you can add is okay, I'm noticing this. It feels really overwhelming. Can I also notice another area in my body that feels easier to be with? So, yeah, my heart is pounding out of my chest and I just don't have it in me yet to sit with that and to notice it and observe it and see what happens next. But I can also notice my feet on the ground. I can notice the support of the chair on my back. And as I notice my feet on the ground for maybe 30 seconds, can I then oscillate my attention back to my heart and how is it now? So we call this an expansion technique where we're expanding our awareness and allowing other parts of the body to support us.

[00:17:12]So that would probably be a good starting point. The but the metabolizing that we're talking about is when we avoid or suppress or move away from discomfort in the body, it doesn't go away. it stays there and it's like it's just holding off for later and so it builds up and builds up and builds up.

[00:17:32]But the better that we can get at noticing discomfort, noticing activation, which when I say activation, I'll just give the science behind that.

[00:17:41]That's adrenaline and cortisol. It's our stress hormones. So when we go into an anxious response like overthinking, we are flooded with stress hormones.

[00:17:50]There's adrenaline, there's cortisol, we're in that fight orflight response.

[00:17:54]But those stress hormones need to go somewhere. They need to be metabolized.

[00:17:58]Otherwise, they just build up in the body. And over time, that creates mental, physical health conditions, inflammation, chronic stress. So, how does that get metabolized? Well, it's e it's actually easier than we we think.

[00:18:10]We think like we have to rage or scream or do something to get it out. And although that can help, the body has a natural ability to metabolize all this activation. And we call this our stress response cycle. Um, and it does this naturally, and it does this all day long through sweating. Like when we get really anxious and you're sweating and your armpits and your hands are clammy, that's adrenaline and cortisol leaving the body. It does it through um trembling, through shaking. It does it through light movement, um, crying, laughing. There's lots of ways that the body metabolizes, but because we're such creatures that live in our head and we've really villainized our feelings, you know, we need to be strong or whatever that is, unbothered, like we talked about, um, we don't allow for that. And it usually takes again just 60 to 90 seconds for the body to start to move through and to metabolize some of that. And some of the ways that that would look would be maybe like I know my ankles will go off so it's like moving my feet like that's a release correct.

[00:19:17]>> Yep. Yeah. Stretching. Yeah. Opening of the neck of the shoulders.

[00:19:21]>> And usually your feet move when you feel activation in your shins.

[00:19:24]>> Mhm.

[00:19:25]>> Right. So there's usually ankles and shin activation and then the next thing you know Sammy's feet are moving and her toes are going bent. It's usually this like either rolling or you do this back and forth motion with your feet where they're >> it's almost like your feet are lifted up on a couch but they're really running in place, >> right? And so um yeah, that's one way.

[00:19:43]So just note and again we're just noticing does the body naturally do anything? So I take this um I have a book I wrote it's called body first healing but the three E is kind of the formula that you follow. So when you feel discomfort, when you feel activated, when you feel those big emotions, can you notice what's my body experiencing? Just notice the experience. Number two is, is there a natural expression? Whether it's movement, whether it's movement, whether it's vocalizing, whether it's shaking, heat, whatever that might be. And as you're with that expressing, the body is now expelling through whatever that expressing is. So that's the three E.

[00:20:23]experience, express expel, >> I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, but from my experience, what was important about using this tool that Brit just mentioned is when I allowed myself to express, I then had clarity or feeling of capacity being built to be able to sit with maybe the disruptive thoughts I was having, the discomfort, the feelings that I was having. I was able to actually be with them rather than wanting to resist them.

[00:20:54]>> For sure. If you think about it like a pressure cooker, like your stress hormones throughout the day, they build up like a pressure cooker. And the more that we can allow for moments to just lift the lid and let off some of that pressure through experiencing, expressing, and expelling, the more at baseline we'll be for our stress response. But when we're really stressed out and we're stuck in chronic survival mode, our thinking rational brain that has clarity, it really goes offline and the survival brain takes over. So as we let out some of these stress hormones, you will find I have more clarity. I have more confidence. I have more connectedness, presence, things like that. I had a lot of questions come through that I felt really personal, like personal questions for people of situations that they're going through and I want to bring them up because I know that they're universal and we're all feeling in different ways and different forms of them. But the two were what to do when I'm feeling overwhelmed and then what to do when I'm feeling really reactive. And I even had a lot of questions of especially when you're in a place for example work.

[00:21:58]you're like in a workplace with many people naturally maybe you're feeling overwhelmed or naturally someone says something and you want to be reactive like how can we do little tools and little practices that can support us in our daily life which is so busy. So when we are reactive that means that we're impulsive and when we're overwhelmed that also means that the nervous system is moving too quickly. So, you know, I love analogies because it just simplifies all this crazy mumbo jumbo science. So, think of the nervous system and your stress response and that activation as like a car. We we in the nervous system world love to use this analogy. And when your nervous system is really activated, it's like your foot is on the gas pedal and it is all the way down. It's pedal to the metal. Like there's no no time to pause. There's no time to slow down. Things feel overwhelming. Overwhelming. This is too much, too much, too much. And now I've just reacted in some big way. And so what we want to do is we want to start to slow the system down a little bit.

[00:23:03]And we don't want to completely stop the response, but you can consider it's like we're lifting our foot off of the gas pedal, maybe just coasting a little bit.

[00:23:13]So the first thing you want to do is again just notice, okay, what am I feeling in my body? Okay. Um, but then when we feel overwhelmed and reactive, I would actually take your awareness outside of your body and to notice something that feels safe or neutral to connect with. So whether it's a tree outside, whether it is the neutral color of the curtains over here, whether it's someone's face that is actually really pleasant to notice, you want to start to anchor into something that allows your system to like just breathe for a minute. Um, so we want to slow down that response a little bit. Once we have a little bit of settling, then we can go into some kind of discharge. So like, okay, how can I move this through my body in a way that feels tolerable? So when we feel reactive and overwhelmed, that's usually high sympathetic, like we're in that big fight orflight response. And so some things that we can do is you can work with the periphery or your limbs. Your limbs are your mobilizing parts of the body where we fight or flee. So all of our circulation comes out here, our blood motility. That's why we feel fidgety in our arms and our hands. This is why we feel hot, um, shaky. So, some things that you can do is you can, um, I love to do foot presses, like just pushing your feet down into the ground, kind of like I was doing during resourcing. And what's great is you can do that really discreetly in a workplace setting or when you're sitting across from that family member that really just said that really shitty thing and you're like, I right. So, it's like I'm going to just put my feet into the ground right now and I'm going to push my heels down. And as I'm do and even as I'm doing this now, like I can feel my jaw clenching a little bit. Um, but you're feeling those large leg muscles really kind of engage.

[00:25:08]You're feeling the calves. This starts to move move that circulation through your limbs and it discharges some of that activating energy that you have.

[00:25:18]Overwhelm is usually topheavy activation. So just think of a time like I'll just invite everyone think of a moment when you felt overwhelmed recently that felt really overwhelming in your head probably either in your head or in your chest your heart beating out of your chest or your stomach and knots.

[00:25:39]It's not really in your lower body. So when we feel overwhelmed think of it like a fire hydrant and there's like you know there's there's just this bottlenecking and it just wants to come out. So instead, we want to spread that activation down to the lower parts of the body to provide support to spread it, you know, spread it out a little bit. That's why working with the legs can be really helpful. Um, and then also too, what I just mentioned about something that Sammy just naturally does is just allowing the feet to kind of run in place. So, can you push your heels up and down as you're sitting? So, I'd say working with lower body activation can be really helpful. Um now of course I'm just providing sematic support right now. Um but then outside of that you know after you've done a little bit of those practices then you can come back into your body and you can find what feels safe now what feels settled. And also just that reminder too that it's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's okay to feel bothered.

[00:26:42]It's okay to feel activated and reactive. The more that we start to treat our reactions as something to fix and to just throw these tools at, we're just going to use the tools forever. If we can start to relate to it, it's like, "Oh, yeah. I'm having that response."

[00:26:59]And that's actually really normal.

[00:27:01]>> It actually lowers the pressure and activation.

[00:27:04]>> I love that. I feel like we've talked so much before this about the word for me would be almost perspective on how things are going. like how your journey is going, what you think of how your journey is going, the way that you handle things. I personally wanted to be a monk and never be affected by anything. Like truly, I was like, I think I just need to go to the top of a mountain and meditate and that's really where I should be because that's where I'll best serve this world. That obviously is not the case at all. And the more that I actually understood the humanness and what that meant to be a human, which is experiencing a lot of these different big feelings, having responses, understanding how we want to move through the world. Like all of that was really liberating for me. And I would give that invitation to anyone listening of you're not supposed to know how to do it all or have it all figured out. And when I even think about overwhelm, that always came for sure topheavy. And the feeling was you got to figure it out. And when you're trying to figure it out, when you're just completely in your head, nothing's getting figured out. It's actually the most disregulating thing possible. So, I love this process of just like slowing down and those easy tools and and remember even I share this so much on form is it all takes practice. It's like you guys, I have been working with Britt for a year and I'm still voice noting her of can you remind me about that one tool and and I need help resourcing in this way and it is a practice. It's new for us. It's new for us to experience things and feel okay with experiencing them and giving ourselves grace and compassion and inviting it in. So, I I love those tools. Something I am so passionate about and I talk about with this series is how to trust yourself and how to listen to that intuition versus anxiety. And so much of the tools we're talking about is when you feel anxious or when you are thought heavy, how to actually know who's speaking. And this is a huge thing I came to you with. I remember I was like, it is so loud in here. I have no idea what voice is my truth. And this absolutely was the number one way that I got to actually create space to hear my intuition and step into my power and step into my truth and be really honest and be really truthful about where I was at my experience, what was coming up, know that I'll be okay when I speak my truth.

[00:29:28]But that all came from our sessions of being okay and sitting with the discomfort. so to say this stuff works guys but also want to say what would you say to someone who's trying to distinguish the difference between their intuition and their anxious thoughts it's a beautiful question so I think things that we've talked about before um either in session or in voice notes is that usually anxious thoughts are going to be louder quicker faster and more impulsive and that's because again they're guided by these old patterns, these old reactions, these old ways of doing things. We often say that if it feels more hysterical and more loud, then it's more historical. Like this is just a historical pattern that's coming up.

[00:30:17]This is the way that we've always responded. Bessel Vanderolk, the author of The Body Keeps the Score, you know, I say this quote all the time. Um he wrote in the book, The Body Keeps the Score, that trauma comes back as a reaction, not always as a memory. And that reaction is the ways that we react or stay stuck in these loops, these trauma reenactments. So the ways that we run away, shut down, um you know, please, cater, all of those things.

[00:30:44]And intuition is going to be quieter.

[00:30:48]It's going to sound almost more like a slow whisper is what I have found. Um, and it's going to challenge you and it's going to feel different. Like it's gonna you're gonna have to question your intuition because it's going against the grain. It's going against what feels familiar, which is why it's so scary, you know, and then you're questioning your whole reality. You're like, is this is this intuition or am I just am I just going crazy? But it's going to feel like it's a more calm whisper. And so if you're in that place where you're like, "Is this anxiety?

[00:31:26]Is this ruminating thoughts? Is this catastrophizing?

[00:31:30]Or is this really my intuition speaking to me?" I would find ways to really support your system in coming back to baseline first. Like put that up on a shelf and can you come back to it after you've tended to your body and your nervous system? Can you process some of the stress out? Can you go for a walk? Um, sometimes it can be helpful to talk with others, but I am I'm someone who when I'm at a crossroads and I don't know, I like to practice solitude because I feel like I can be easily swayed by what other people by their opinions. Um, so sometime unless it's like we've talked about an expander or someone that you Yeah. I just there's certain people I don't call.

[00:32:18]God love them. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but yeah, you really want to tend to your system because we say in the nervous system world that your state creates the story in your mind. If you are stuck in chronic flight response and hypervigilance, your thoughts and your stories in your mind are going to mirror that. If you're stuck in a fight response, your thoughts and stories in your head are going to mirror that.

[00:32:38]You're going to be mad at everything and everyone. Same with a shut down kind of freeze response. You know, it's going to feel hopeless and shame. And >> so we want to try to get the system back into kind of that optimal state and >> and and then from there you can start to navigate like does this feel like the aligned next step for me. Um but we want to focus on getting the nervous system kind of back into regulation with small little things. When I think about my intuition, I think I wanted my intuition to always keep me safe in a way that was like a comfort level. And that felt like my intuition. And I just want to call out that when you do this work, you are inviting in expansion and to evolve and to grow, which we are so here to do. And I know if you're listening to this, you are so here to do and are doing the work. So I'm just applauding you. And this is where the magic of sematic work is so important because the intuition for me I'll speak on and all ears for you has not always been the invitation I wanted in the beginning. Like when I hear that I need to make a decision that is really disruptive to the comfort of my being or disruptive to the people around me. That is something you do need to slow down and be with. And understanding of course that's going to make me feel anxious. Of course, that's going to make me feel like I want to run and be a monk because it is really hard information that we're processing and metabolizing of upleveling and what that means not only for yourself but for the people around you. And this is why I'm so passionate about this work and having you on here and distinguishing the voice between intuition and anxiety because for me I really needed to step back into what that sounded like but I needed to understand it didn't mean it was going to be what I wanted to hear all the time.

[00:34:33]>> Yeah, >> absolutely.

[00:34:34]>> And oftentimes it's not what we want to hear when we're growing, you know, growing and expanding.

[00:34:39]>> Um, you know, growth is not comfortable ever. I would say one thing too and I think you and I are kind of on the same page. It sounds like recently with this is I've started to incorporate more like embodied manifestation and visualization work into my practice and something I would love to bring more into the body first healing program. And um but maybe an invitation would be too is like can you sit with the two kind of polarities of this crossroads that you're at? You know, like what if you did take that one step and what if you didn't?

[00:35:15]>> And can you invite that visualization into your body? What does it feel like as you imagine those scenarios?

[00:35:24]What do you feel? Does it feel aligned?

[00:35:27]Does it feel safe? Does it feel scary?

[00:35:31]Because that means things have to change or does it feel, you know? So I think working with visualization too and then feeling into your body and seeing how that lands can also be really powerful too.

[00:35:43]>> I love that. So you're almost saying which we've done in our sessions say if you're like in a in a moment of trying to figure something out. You can visualize each one and see how that feels in your body and be able to sit with say one decision is a little uncomfortable. See how that feels in your body and be able to sit with it and feel that you're actually going to be okay.

[00:36:04]>> Yeah. Exactly. And I would say um that the more that and of course it's hard too cuz there's going to be parts of you that don't feel comfortable again when we're when we're sitting with change, but like you can start to just feel out like >> is this an exciting uncomfortable or is this like a this doesn't feel aligned at all with my life kind of uncomfortable.

[00:36:25]And I think that the more that you're able to practice being in your body, listening to your body, like even today you were starting to say like, I know when my tummy gurgles and I do this and I do that, like that's the the language of my system.

[00:36:38]>> When you start to learn the language of your body, you'll be able to pick up on those cues when you're making these decisions and let that kind of be part of your your compass and your guide.

[00:36:48]Would you say ways that you sit with uncertainty and kind of what we're speaking to of um being in these middle decisions which I again think is so normal and would love to normalize for us of changing our minds or needing to change jobs whatever it is for someone that's thinking about something could be small or big decision.

[00:37:09]What is the best way that you move through uncertainty and almost like fall in love with it a little bit like not feel like it is such a disruptor and instead such an invitation? Yeah. You know, I I think that when it comes to uncertainty, you know, we can talk about tools and all of those things, but I think what's actually going to be most important is the relationship that you have to yourself and to your self-rust and also the trust that you have that when you do make a choice that doesn't turn out to be the way that you wanted that like you're going to be able to handle that. you know um it is not about the outcome of making the right choice.

[00:37:53]Am I certain this is right? Am I not certain? It's not about the outcome. I think it's about and it's not also not about attaching to those certainties.

[00:38:00]>> It's about aligning with the version of you who can be good regardless of what the choice is. So yeah, it's more about you said like in in the middle. You know, people have been asking me lately because I'm making some big choices in my life and they're like, "How are you making those choices when you don't know the outcome?" And I'm like, I just know that regardless of what the outcome is, I've created an environment in my life and in my nervous system where I know that I can handle the middle, you know, and so what can you do in your life to create that self-confidence, but also that self-rust that no matter what happens, I'm going to be okay. You might journal and write and reflect on things that you've been through because we have all been through some hard stuff. And I think sometimes we forget how far we've come. Journal that out. Write letters to yourself.

[00:38:52]Thank yourself, celebrate yourself, remind yourself that you can get through really, really hard things. Um, and then I would also too like challenge yourself to try new things. So, one thing that I've been really leaning into, and I don't I know this isn't sematic specific, but like I am challenging myself to learn new things. Like I'm doing jiu-jitsu now.

[00:39:13]>> Oh, so cool. Wait, I think I saw that with your son, which was so badass.

[00:39:17]You're like the only woman in the room and there's other men. It was sick.

[00:39:20]>> Yeah, it was a little intimidating. Um, and now I'm doing the adult classes, which is interesting. So, I'm not just doing it with my son, but >> So cool.

[00:39:26]>> Yeah. So, I'm just like I'm strengthening the muscle to learn new things. I'm learning new languages, like horseback riding. I'm going on like little trips by myself. So again, it's just like pouring into the relationship that I have with me and like filling my own cup so that I know that regardless of what the outcome is, I can hold and sustain whatever mess might be there at the end because the the mess out here, like there might be mess out here, but internally I've I've got me, you know?

[00:39:55]So I know that's not like sematic based, but >> I love that >> it it is nervous system based because the most important thing to your nervous system is the relationship that you have with you.

[00:40:04]>> Yeah. I I two things came up is one so much of this year like this whole year of working with you it was me forming new data and like when you're speaking it felt like every single time I would try something not knowing the outcome and sometimes it would go a different way and sometimes it would go the way I would like at least I was getting new data and that is something that was really important for my system instead of like pre-thinking about what the outcome could be and not moving it was really important for me to have a hard conversation and see that I was actually Okay, for me that was new data and I I would encourage anyone to continue to invite in that new data. But the only way you do that is by actually taking action and and trying it. Yeah. From that action comes that evidence, the the data that you're talking about, which then creates new expectations because it's like, hey, I did that one thing and I completely fumbled or hey, I did that one thing and I ended up being okay even though it didn't go the way I planned.

[00:40:59]And so you just build kind of that self-confidence and that trust >> and then over time you just expect that regardless of what choice I make, I'm going to be okay in the end.

[00:41:10]>> I don't know why this is coming to mind, but I find that I want to share it. I've had a lot of questions and I'm curious for mom specifically with you being a mama is a lot of people ask me like how do I have a relationship with myself and how does it not be selfish? And I am someone who has really had to rewire what that looks like for myself and change the perspective of this is not selfish and this is truly me loving myself and building a relationship for myself and advocating for myself and being in my power. And that has been a daily conversation that I'm having with myself in a daily shift. I can only imagine being a mom how that can, you know, 10x and have such a different weight. So, for someone who's really wanting to build this relationship with themselves, but maybe they're getting called selfish or their self is telling them that it's selfish or you can't spend time away from your kids, whatever it is that is going on for them. What would you say your relationship with that has been?

[00:42:08]>> Oh, wow. I have a lot to say about that.

[00:42:10]I actually just did a whole episode on that on my podcast around self-abandonment >> because I took um you know I used to take these little solo sbatical trips like when you talk about being a monk and going and staying somewhere on a mountain I I kind of did that.

[00:42:24]>> I love that.

[00:42:25]>> Um but it was it was prekids you know.

[00:42:27]Um and so I hadn't gone on a solo trip in six years and recently I took a trip to Northern California by myself for like 5 days. And when I tell you the guilt that I felt leaving my children, my 5-year-old and 2-year-old, my husband behind, I I cried the whole way to the airport. Um, but it had to take me hitting a place where I realized that I had completely lost myself to motherhood, to my marriage, to my work, to my career. And there were parts of me that were always kind of just like sitting off in the wings waiting, you know, for my attention. and I didn't listen until they were screaming. And so I have come to back to this lesson which I have had to learn time and time again as someone who's worked in the trauma space for so long. You just you give so much of yourself. Um and I'm kind of that way in nature that self-love and solitude is not selfish. It is a lifeline and it is the only thing that is going to allow you to show up for the people that you love in your life.

[00:43:31]Because when you're not there and you're not present in your life, even though you're showing up for your kids, they can feel that. You know, it's like you're going through the motions, but you're not present. Your children don't care whether or not they went to the park or, you know, they did something with you. They care about whether or not they had your attention, they had your love, they had your attunement. And so, that's more important than anything. And the only way that we can provide that is if we're first providing it for ourselves. And also, our kids learn by example. you know, they learn how to love themselves through the ways that we learn how to love ourselves. And so, it has been a really difficult reminder for me that I am important. I am just as important as my kids. And I I want them to to learn that, too.

[00:44:18]>> I'm going to do a Brit that she does to me, but I see you're like kind of getting emotional. So, I want to see, >> you know, what you're what you're feeling right now.

[00:44:26]>> Yeah. I think I'm feeling a lot of um it's bringing up a lot of like my own childhood stuff because I grew up with you know I share a lot in my book and I've I share a lot on my page with a mom who wasn't really present because she was working all the time. um she actually lived and commuted to another state for 11 years of my upbringing. And there's a lot of tenderness around abandonment. And um so it's this hard back and forth where I'm like I want to give everything to my kids and I want them to have a different experience than what I had. And I absolutely love my mom and I love the life that she built for us and and herself. But but then there's also this experience that comes with knowing that if I give everything to them, there's nothing left for me and then I don't have anything to give to them. So I'm feeling a little bit of grief for like little Brit, but also so much pride in myself that I've gotten to this place of knowing now that I'm actually living that out. It's one thing to know like I deserve more for myself, my kids deserve more. It's a whole other thing to like, you know, plan the trip, do the things, take time for yourself, like to actually live it out is >> something I'm I'm just proud of myself for right now.

[00:45:37]>> I'm so proud of you, too.

[00:45:39]>> Thank you.

[00:45:39]>> Yeah, thank you for sharing that.

[00:45:41]>> Thanks for that question.

[00:45:42]>> Yeah, of course. This is like probably a great question that connects to me, too, and I loved it when someone asked it, and that's probably why I wrote it down.

[00:45:50]Why are relationships in our life our biggest teachers but also can be the most disregulating for us?

[00:45:58]>> Confronting.

[00:45:59]>> Yes, >> you could say they're very confronting for us.

[00:46:02]>> Confronting.

[00:46:03]>> Yeah. You know, relationships are are mirrors. And um I'm of the belief, at least from what I've seen personally and professionally over the years, that the relationships that we attract in now will mirror the relationships that we have to ourselves.

[00:46:21]So if we're in a season where we're kind of neglecting ourselves, where we're not loving and taking care of ourselves, that kind of sets the standard for the other relationships in our life, you know, and how people treat us and tend to us and show up for us. And so yeah, I feel like relationships, outward relationships are a direct reflection of how we relate to um to us. And a lot of that goes back to childhood. So um you know, that's why in the body first healing program when we're doing trauma work, nervous system work, there's always some tether of attachment, right?

[00:47:01]developmental ways that we were cared for, tended to, how we showed up or how we learned how to relate to ourselves and others in the world. Um, but also I believe that most all trauma is relational too because you can experience trauma and if you have all these loving relationships around you, it's not going to feel as traumatic.

[00:47:23]But if we experience trauma and there's no one there to attune to us, to love us, to be an empathetic witness, it's going to feel, you know, 10 times worse.

[00:47:32]And so we are wired for connection. It's it's what regulates us. It's what helps us to belong. It's what gives us a sense of meaning. Um, but yeah, it's I don't know if that answers your question entirely, but relationships really, it's the foundation to everything.

[00:47:51]>> Yeah. I want to end on the question that you actually asked me on on your episode, which is what would you tell your younger self now?

[00:48:03]>> Um, touche, Sam.

[00:48:05]>> That one hit me hard, so I had to hit it back at you.

[00:48:08]>> Touche, Sammy. What would I tell my younger self? Um, yeah, I would say it's kind of similar to your answer. Um, I wouldn't say it's necessarily trust yourself, but just trust the path, trust the process. Um, because there are times where I don't trust myself, >> where I don't and I don't know if I have the answers and like do we do we actually have the answers.

[00:48:38]>> I know.

[00:48:38]>> Um, but I think it's more so that like I just trust the the process. I don't know if it's God. I don't know if it's the universe that I trust in, but I trust in the unfolding of my life and that everything is perfectly orchestrated exactly how it should be. When there's rejection, it's protection. When there's, you know, opportunity, it is it's wonderful, you know. Um, and yeah, just trust trust the the process and what's unfolding for you and just know that it's for you.

[00:49:08]>> I love that. Thank you so much. Thank you for being such a, as I would call, expander, pillar, tool, life-changing person in my life. I share more of my journey, you guys, on Brit's podcast. We recorded on hers, which was really awesome. And she is such an important person to me. And I always say, this is something you're not supposed to do alone. Like, we lean on our village. And you've been a part of my village. And I'm so grateful. And for everyone listening, I'm also so grateful for you guys being a part of this space and inviting growth into your life cuz it is it can be really scary but also freaking incredible. Like I just want to say it is really amazing. Like I am so grateful for so much that has gone on in my life because I have stepped into who I am and I'm continuing to do that. I know it'll be forever happening, but I could not have done that without the tools and resourcing and getting back into my body and feeling safe in my body and building my capacity and being with the discomfort and trusting myself. This has so much to do with the work that we have done. So, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Britt has a program you guys that I have done and taken the course through.

[00:50:23]So, if this is something that absolutely interests you, we are going to extend a 10% discount on the programs. All you have to use the code is Sammy's friend.

[00:50:33]Check it out. I I think it's such a incredible community to be a part of and it's been such a gift to me. So, thank you Brit for being here. Why don't you share with everyone where they can find you and yeah, thank you so much.

[00:50:46]>> Of course, this was beautiful. I just I love being able to show up for your people in the same way I can show up for you. So, thank you. Um, yeah, you all can find me on social media at Healwith Britt. I always say not like Britney Spears, although I love Britney Spears.

[00:51:00]Heal with Brit with two T's. Um, and if you want to learn more about the Body First Healing Program, the Body First Healing book, the Body First Healing podcast, or the Body First Healing Institute, if you want to become a practitioner, just go to bodyfirstaling.com.

[00:51:14]Everything is there.

[00:51:16]>> Amazing. Thank you guys so much for listening, and we'll see you in the next Transform episode.

[00:51:22]Thank you so much for being here. You listening to this episode is you saying yes to living the dream life you absolutely deserve. We release new Transform episodes every Wednesday.

[00:51:34]Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss a thing. Also, we would love to hear from you. So, leave us a review.

[00:51:41]And if you include your Instagram handle, we might even reach out and gift you a complimentary form membership. You can also follow us on Instagram @ transform and then Sammy Spalter and Sammy Clark. We love you.