James Sexton, Dopamine, and Divorce What Porn Does to the Brain

追加: 2026-04-29

[00:00:00]James Ston is everywhere right now talking  about why marriages fail. He says that the top three causes are this: infidelity, money,  and indifference. After 25 years of marriage, I can chime in. This video is brought to  you by my Harper Collins published book, Mind Over Explicit Matter. If you're ready to quit porn and reclaim your life mentally and  physically, go over to drtchishlee.com/book.

[00:00:32]But those are not the causes. In fact, those  are the outcomes because something changes in the brain first leading to those outcomes. So, if  you're a man who's struggling with porn addiction, compulsive masturbation, disconnection, even  erectile dysfunction, that's what we need to be talking about. That is where it starts. Let's take  the three that he talks about. Infidelity, money, and indifference. These are not three separate  problems. They are three expressions of the same problem. But most people never see that part.  Let's take infidelity first. So you feel like it might be a choice, but we know that there's  an underlying neurological pattern. The brain is being trained for highle intensity, for constant  novelty, right? You feel it even at low levels.

[00:01:29]You're sitting in your office, but your mind  tells you based on what your brain is telling it to open your phone and to check out some reels,  look for something new, something a little bit more exciting than the work that you're  doing. You're scrolling, you're switching, you're looking for something, but nothing holds.  Your nervous system is being trained to chase fast, high dopamine spikes. And in doing  so, over time, your brain is being trained to expect novelty, to expect intensity, to  expect excitement in sexuality all the time.

[00:02:10]And porn accelerates this pattern much faster.  At the click of a button, you can have any genre, any avatar. You can switch between tens, 20s,  30s, hundreds of them if you really want to.

[00:02:24]That's not how real life works. That's  certainly not how marriage works. Right?

[00:02:30]So now you get back home to your honey and things  feel slower, less engaging, not exciting at all.

[00:02:37]Now you think you have a relationship problem.  Instead, you're not looking at the fact that your brain is inherently trained for the novelty  and the highlevel stimulation that it's gotten used to. Okay. Now, let's talk about money.  Money. Money. money. Let's talk about it. So, here's the idea. Your initiative, your motivation,  you're not questioning what's going on there, but now you start arguing about finances. It can  be really difficult to take a step back and look at your behavior. Because on a neurological level,  when pornography, when sexualized social media, and even scrolling and seeking are involved,  the brain is trained for instant gratification, not to get to work using executive function  skills that lead to planning, organization, and long-term goals, delayed gratification. So  now your brain is not able to do all the things that you need to do to be at peak performance.  You avoid things that you know you should do.

[00:03:45]You do things in the very moment right now that  don't compute and add up to your long-term goals.

[00:03:51]You tell yourself you'll fix it later. Later never  comes. Now hear me on this. This is not just a money issue. This is a neurological disregulation  issue. Okay. Now, let's address the indifference.

[00:04:07]You're sitting next to your partner, but your  mind is elsewhere, especially when pornography is involved. You might be pulled back to the fantasy  or the euphoric recall. You might be dreaming about something that you want to do, but you're  not present. That is read as indifference from your partner. You might even feel it. You might  know that you're not fully present. You might want to be. You know, you're not engaged in your  life and you really, really want to be. That is neurological dysregulation. The response that used  to fire up around her. She is where the dopamine used to be, it's not there anymore. Your brain  is linked to the screen or to the behavior for the fast high dopamine where real life is slower  dopamine. It can't compare. Now, the algorithm is not neutral. It is at play here. But pornography  is the highest level supernormal stimulus. It is the thing that's going to derail you faster than  anything else. But lately, I've been saying that sexualized social media might even be worse than  pornography for this reason and this reason alone.

[00:05:21]Because for what it lacks in intensity, it makes  up for in frequency. You might be going back to low-key sexualized content over and over and over  through the day. That's taking you away from your life back into the screen. The algorithm is not  neutral, my friend. So, I want you to hear this.

[00:05:42]You do not have a money problem. You do not  have an indifference problem. You do not have an infidelity problem. You are experiencing all three  of those things because you have a brain problem.

[00:05:58]And especially if you are struggling with erectile  dysfunction or sexual arousal dysfunction, your brain is screaming at you. It has lost its  sensitivity for the real world. Ston talks about how 56% of marriages end in divorce and more  than 20% stay together but they're miserable.

[00:06:19]This actually lines up with research that shows  that over 51% of divorces pornography is at the root. That's not just a relationship problem.  This is neurological dysregulation at scale.

[00:06:35]Millions of people around the world trying to  maintain connection with each other but not being able to because of their brain functioning.  They don't have brains that can sustain it. This is how you lose something important without even  realizing it. You find yourself unfaithful. You find yourself with not enough money to contribute  to your home and your family, not what you want.

[00:07:00]You find yourself irritable, angry, defensive. It  is coming from within. But what comes from within can also be addressed at the root, at the core. It  can actually be visualized in QEG brain mapping.

[00:07:16]And it can be fixed there too in the nervous  system because these patterns aren't permanent.

[00:07:23]They capitalize on neuroplasticity, which I always  say can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. If you're using the plastic nature of your  brain to learn and to be trained to move you in the direction of cheating and brokenness and  mental and physical health issues, that is not what you want, my friend. But you can take that  neuroplasticity and make it your best friend.

[00:07:48]Right? Let's train that brain back into abundance.  Let's train that brain back into love and connection with your honey. Let's train that brain  back into your hobbies and fulfillment in your real life. Let's train your brain into the best  sex you've had in real life ever. This is where neuro feedback comes in. I am very grateful to be  one of the top tier providers in the world helping people globally to be able to see how their  brain is performing. No more guessing, right?

[00:08:22]Let's look at it and see what's going on in there.  And from there, I can set advanced protocols using technology to help your brain learn how to perform  better. It's like a workout for your brain. If you want a stronger muscle, let's just say biceps, do  you have to talk to many therapists? No. You have to start working out, my friend. Then when your  brain is regulated, there's nothing to force. You don't force intimacy. You don't force motivation.  You don't force connection. You get to show up and allow it to happen from the inside out. And this  is where Ston's final point becomes so powerful.

[00:09:03]He says that it's very rare to find someone that  you actually want to spend your life with. And he's right about that, too. What he's not saying  is that you have to have a regulated brain to be able to go out there and find that person and to  find a person who is also regulated. And when that happens, you have an interdependent relationship.  Just like Darwin says in evolution, two strong people can come together and rock out their best  life. Because if your brain is disregulated, you can lose all kinds of things that are very  valuable to you without ever understanding why.

[00:09:47]But when your brain is regulated, you don't  have to, my friend. You can become a man who stays present and enjoys it, who works hard and  loves it, has an abundant life. You don't have to have a life where your family is at risk of being  ripped apart, where the relationship that you really want is crumbling. I want you to recognize  infidelity, disconnection, and money issues, they all come from the same root neurological  dysfunction that you can see with your own eyes.

[00:10:24]Because this isn't just about relationships.  This is about control and your inner power.

[00:10:30]And when your brain is regulated, you don't just  feel different, you live differently. All right, until next time, please remember, control your  brain or it will control you. I'll see you then.