Women Spill On The Things They Finally Enjoy After Leaving Their Marriage

追加: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]Hi everybody, welcome back. I hope you're all doing well. So, there's this trend that is going on on Tik Tok of uh divorced women sharing what they can do now that they couldn't do while they were married.

[00:00:16]And so, yeah, let's get in. Divorced women, what is something you can do now that you couldn't do in your marriage?

[00:00:22]I'll go first.

[00:00:23]>> Foster dogs. I have been able to foster a ton of dogs since my divorce, and I am now on my second foster fail with Jug Head. Say hi, Jughead. Over here. Say hi. Good boy. I recently did a video asking divorced women what they can do now that they couldn't do when they were married. Here are some of the most common answers starting with the ability to breathe and relax, not walk on eggshells, foster animals, have animals, feel good about themselves, have a clean house, park in the garage, decorate their house however they wanted. One woman, she even wallpapered her fridge.

[00:00:58]Now, sadly, there was a flip side to the comments. A lot of women mentioned feeling safe getting undressed, showering, or being naked. Multiple women said bending over without being groped. and lots of others mentioned feeling safe while sleeping. Now, when I looked at all of the comments together, a major underlying theme was safety and autonomy. Emotional safety, physical safety, and autonomy for truly simple things. All of the answers confirmed why so many women are choosing divorce or to be single. But it's still mindboggling to me that women have to get divorced or stay single to enjoy these simple things like safety. And yes, I know often you hear the men online talking about the divorce came out of nowhere. These modern women are always asking for divorce. They just want to take you for everything you have and so on and so forth. But this reveals so many things that goes on in relationships and marriages. Like in marriages, since we're talking about divorce, in marriages, so many things that women maybe overlook, tolerate, allow, accept, um just to keep the marriage, just to keep the peace. And for the fact that it takes you leaving before you can do some of these things says a lot, you know, because if I have to, the only option for me is to leave before I can take a shower alone without being touched without someone feeling entitled to my body all the time just because they are married to me that they think that I can't say no to them because we are married and my body belongs to them, you know, and I have no autonomy and it will only take me living for me to sit with myself, take a peaceful shower, enjoy my own peace and quiet.

[00:03:00]That says a lot. That says a lot. But it happens a lot and it's been normalized and women coming out and talking about it makes you realize that some of the things that society has made normal in marriages. It's not normal. It's not normal. And your divorces are not coming out of nowhere.

[00:03:24]You know, most of your wives, they are tired. And if you're a man and you watch this and you are triggered, yes, go do something about it. That means you know you are part of the problem. Go fix it.

[00:03:38]Yeah. So yeah, let's get into it. So I've been seeing the whole trend going around where recently divorced or separated women are saying what they can now do now that they're no longer married. Um that they could not do in the marriage. And I want to talk about what I finally can do now that I don't got that man in my hair anymore. I can finally take a shower by myself.

[00:04:04]Oh my god. I can finally take a shower by myself and not have what I feel like a perpetrator coming in because he wants to come and find me all the damn time.

[00:04:14]So once that man started working from home, y'all, I could never take a shower by myself. Oh my gosh. Like, and it would be the days where I just really wanted to like decompress, just enjoy a hot shower, like have my thoughts, just just have a moment, and I would literally like just feel him coming in the shower. And it was always with a motive. And y'all know what I'm talking about. Got to the point where, you know, you know, obviously throughout the years, yes, we would take showers together. Um, and that was fine, but it became almost like he felt entitled to every single shower once he started working from home. So, this was like our last like couple years together where he felt entitled to all my showers. And it was just so annoying because it was like again, you're coming in with a motive and it's just like I just need to decompress right now, bro. Like, I just want to chill. I just want to just take in this moment. I want to just pray. I want to meditate. I want to think. I don't want to be groped and fondled on right now. And I will always say no. I'll always be like, you know, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:05:31]And I will always like have like a quick little excuse. No, no, no. I'm about to get out. No, no. Just let me have a moment. He didn't give a damn. He did not give a damn. When I tell you he would impose himself on every shower that as soon as that man heard the water running, he was coming in there and it was just like, oh my god. And you know, I remember like my first couple of showers for like the first month after, you know, me and him stopped talking and went our separate ways, I would kind of like look to like and then be like, "Oh, no. He's not coming. He's Yeah, it's it's okay. I can relax. I could relax because I started to like take showers and like almost like rush like I felt like I needed to rush and take the shower before he would come bringing his ass in there, you know, wanting to do the most. And it's just like I don't have to worry about that now. So, yes, I enjoy now being able to take showers and have them to myself. Things I do now as a single woman that I could never do as a married woman. Uh, let's see.

[00:06:34]anything, all the things, everything, whatever the hell I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it. There's no one to check in with. There's no one to sign my permission slip. There's no one to consider. I can do anything. That is a freedom that once you start exercising it, it can't be taken away.

[00:06:55]And women are going to say, "Oh, well, I get to do that, too, and I'm No, you don't. No, no, you don't. You might think that you can do whatever you want.

[00:07:03]You might think your husband is supportive and and maybe he is, but you don't get to do it to this extent. You don't get to do these things without hesitation and without consideration for another person. You cannot just on a dime say yes to whatever comes your way.

[00:07:17]I've had three opportunities just over the weekend that I just jumped on just like that because I can. I could never have done those things in a marriage. So all the things, everything, anything, whenever that is single life in a nutshell. Divorce people, tell me something that you can do now that you couldn't do when you were married. I'll go first.

[00:07:40]Leave a single spoon in the sink. And I mean just a spoon. Not a whole mess, okay? Not a a a sink full of dishes.

[00:07:50]Just one sp one spoon in the sink. And now I can do that and nobody says anything. Nobody's size. Nobody gives that side look, you know, the look. And listen, this is not even about being messy. Okay? This is about freedom. The the little kind, the kind nobody talks about when they talk about divorce.

[00:08:12]Everyone focus on the big stuff, the lawyers, the splitting of things, the hard conversations, but nobody tells you about the quiet freedom of waking up on a Saturday and doing absolutely nothing or watching whatever you want, eating cereal for dinner, sleeping in the middle of the bed, decorating however you feel. No compromising on stuff that honestly shouldn't should have never been a fight in the first place in a healthy marriage. And look, some marriages are beautiful and divorce is devastating. We know that. But if you came out the other side and you found yourself again, that spoon in the sink means something. It means you have your life back, >> right? things that I can do now that I'm divorced. I can have the entire bed to myself and not have someone snoring next to me all night keeping me awake. I can buy whatever I want at the shops without having to explain it to anybody. I don't have to hide packages that arrive at my front door from Tik Tok shop or Amazon or anything. I can do whatever I want with them. I can order whatever I want.

[00:09:28]It's my money.

[00:09:30]I don't have to cook dinner if I don't want to. Yes, I have to cook the kids food, but they're simple. They're easy.

[00:09:36]Eden most nights once a bowl of cereal.

[00:09:39]I don't have someone standing there waiting when they come home from work demanding a fullcooked meal every night.

[00:09:46]I don't have to do that anymore. I can go into my bathroom and it's clean.

[00:09:51]There's no little shaved shavings all over my sink. There's no razor blades left all over the bathroom. There's no [ __ ] stains in the toilet. Sorry, TMI, but that happens all the time. There's no towels on the bathroom floor, right next to the washing basket, not in it.

[00:10:11]There's no dishes left next to the sink and not put into the dishwasher.

[00:10:18]On weekends, I can do whatever I want to do. I don't have to do what they want to do. I can go thrifting for hours on my own. Okay, I'm talking about weekends I don't have the kids. When I had the kids, that's a bit different. I'm just talking about when I don't have the kids and I'm on my own. These are the things that I can do now that I'm divorced.

[00:10:40]I don't have to make conversation with somebody. I'm a very quiet person. I like to chill. I like to be on my own. I enjoy my own company. I don't have to sit there and listen to someone's day. I mean, I'm I I don't I I don't care about your day. I'm not being ugly. Obviously, if you're in love with a person, it's different. But when you're not, and hence why we're divorced, sitting listening to someone's day is so boring.

[00:11:11]But I don't have to do that anymore. I get to decide where we get the takeaways. No arguments about where we're going, who wants this, who's getting that. I just order from wherever I want to order from.

[00:11:25]I don't need to split bills. My money is my money and what I spend it on, I spend it on. I don't have to explain it to anybody. And there's no sitting working out who pays this, who pays this, order and lights, gas and electricity. I got it all down. I know what I'm paying. I get it done. And I don't have to have an argument with someone every single month about expenses.

[00:11:51]When I'm on my period and I just want to sit and do absolutely nothing, I can.

[00:11:58]I'm haven't got someone nagging me. Why aren't you doing that? You're on your period. It can't be that bad. I can just relax and enjoy it in peace.

[00:12:09]And on that topic, I don't have to have sex when I don't want to.

[00:12:16]This is a big one. I get the whole wardrobe to myself and in the bathroom. The whole bathroom cabinet to myself. All of my stuff is in the bathroom cabinet. I don't have to share it with anybody. The entire clothing cupboard. Mine. All my clothes. No sharing it. It's amazing.

[00:12:40]I got to decorate how I my decorated my house.

[00:12:45]I decorated it pink. It's girly. It's beautiful. It's creams. It's white. It's fluffiness. It's giriness. And I freaking love it. And I didn't have to consent any with anybody. I just decorated it how I wanted to decorate it.

[00:13:04]I'm sure there's a million more reasons.

[00:13:07]And obviously, guys, take this a bit light-heartedly. I understand when you're in a in a relationship that's good and that's healthy and that you're in love, you don't mind doing those things comes part and parcel of a marriage, but when you're in an unhappy marriage, no, you don't you you're not happy doing those things. And since I've been single and divorced, I'm so much happier. And no shade to him, he's a nice man. He just wasn't my man. And he's a good dad to his kids. He's a good dad. And I'm not knocking him. I'm just telling you what I absolutely love about now being single.

[00:13:51]So, I'm not telling you all to run out there and get divorced. I mean, if you're unhappy, go ahead. I'm just telling you that these are things that I love about being single at the moment. And um I'm not as much as I want to be with someone, I'm honestly I'm really enjoying all of those benefits. And I'm not in any extreme rush to be sharing my bed with the snoring man anytime soon.

[00:14:21]Here's a list of things that I did in the midst of my divorce and post divorce that helped me get through my divorce.

[00:14:26]the first thing, whatever the [ __ ] I wanted, meaning if there was something that I wanted to do in the marriage that never got done, I made sure that I did it for myself with the newfound freedom and peace that I had. So, I took myself to Africa and it was the dream of my life to go to Africa and I made it. So, I'd always ask, can we go for my birthday? Can we go for this? Can we go for that? Can we just go? It doesn't have to be an occasion. And the answer was always no. or we would argue or or it just wasn't on his mind. And thank God that it wasn't on his mind because I got to go by myself and I got to enjoy it in a way I really don't think I would have been able to enjoy it had him and I had gone together. Um the second thing I never missed my appointments, my beauty appointments. I got my nails done, my toes done, my hair stayed done. I was always done because those things are important to me. And I knew I am someone that genuinely does believe um if you look good, you feel good. Appearance is very, very important to me. And I know people are going to talk their [ __ ] It's not everything. And it's not everything, but it's a big part of the thing. And I knew that if I did not take care of myself in those ways, it was going to make me feel like [ __ ] Um and so always keep yourself up when you leave these losers or whatever it is, keep yourself up. Um the third thing I would just have moments of silence. I would come home and I would sit in silence, journal, um prayer or literally nothing or or literally nothing. And I enjoyed every moment of it. Um and that probably I would say helped the most to to just be in silence cuz for years I didn't have that. Um, and even when there was silence, cuz you know there was stonewalling going on in the home, the silence was loud cuz there was elephants in the room. So this was my first time being able to quite literally sit in silence and enjoy it in a way that I hadn't in years. Um, and fourth thing, um, as someone as a woman that knew that I desired love again, true real love again, or not even again, I would say maybe the first time, I only looked at content of women, women women that were being loved immensely and properly and adored. So, I would get on this app. I would get on TikTok and I would watch women and and men who loved their wives. Um, and I would fill my mind with that. And lastly, I would find women who were on the other side of their divorce or in the midst of their divorce as well, and I would just watch them. I would just take in their content because it it helped me. Um, and that is exactly what I find myself doing now with my content and helping all all of you. It is it is truly such a gift and I and I try to read all of your messages and respond to everything here and on Instagram. Whatever I see, I will always respond. But with that being said, what what helped you get through your heartbreak or your divorce? Because now I want you to put it in my comments for the women who might stumble across my videos. Um because nothing nothing all those things that I just named were wonderful but nothing beats community.

[00:17:48]Whether you know this community personally or you come across this community online nothing beats it. So what helped you y'all? One of the best things about getting divorced is like now I get to do all the [ __ ] that I wanted to do that I couldn't do when I had a husband. And look, I'm not talking about goofy [ __ ] like other men, okay?

[00:18:08]I'm talking about [ __ ] like this. I got the most biggest, fluffiest mattress topper I could possibly find. I couldn't have one when I was married because this man wanted a firmer bed.

[00:18:23]I'm about to be sleeping on a goddamn cloud. Y'all, let me tell you, if you are going through a divorce, you just went through a divorce, you on the precipice of a divorce, it gets better. There is life after divorce. I was on anti-depressant for 10 years and the real problem was sat in the house calling itself a husband. I'm not even going to try and dress this up.

[00:18:45]I was married and slowly losing my freaking mind. It was depression at first, then anxiety joined in like I sent it an invitation. I remember one day my body just felt wrong. I couldn't explain it. My chest, my head, everything felt off. So, I dragged myself to the urgent care center. I sat there for hours. You know that kind of waiting where you're just staring into space hoping someone will tell you what's wrong with you? Yeah. Finally, I saw the doctor. He asked me to explain what my symptoms were. I finished talking. He looked at me and said, "You're suffering from anxiety, darling." I just sat there thinking, "So now we are adding anxiety to the depression I'm already carrying. Is this some sort of package deal?" Because nobody told me that living in a toxic marriage can actually make your body start breaking down quietly. the palpitations, the constant fear, that feeling like you can't breathe properly even when nothing is happening. And the worst part, you start thinking it's you.

[00:19:37]Let me say this slowly. Some of you are not naturally anxious. I mean, I wasn't.

[00:19:41]You are reacting to a life that is draining you every single day. I left that marriage and my body started coming down. There was no magic, no miracle.

[00:19:49]The palpitation stopped. The anxiety reduced. It still shows up sometimes, but it's not controlling my life anymore. Depression, I'm still on my meds, and that's fine. And I'm not ashamed of it because healing is not a performance. It's a process. And please, I'm begging you, if your mind is not okay, go see a professional, not your pastor, not your imam, not one auntie that will tell you to pray harder while your body is shutting down. Faith is wonderful, but your brain also needs proper help. So stop pushing your mental health aside because of what people will say. People will talk and still sleep peacefully at night while you're the one suffering. So if your body has been te trying to tell you something, listen. If your environment is breaking you, leave.

[00:20:30]You only get one life, one mind. Don't spend it surviving something that is quietly on alive in you. Don't forget to like, share, post, subscribe, follow, and I'll see you in my next video. Get the divorce. Yeah, I said it. Because no matter what you do, people are going to have opinions. And I know this video is going to trigger some of you. Don't give a [ __ ] because it's going to also reach the people that need to hear this today.

[00:20:54]People are going to tell you you're giving up and that you didn't try hard enough and that you're ruining your family and that you should have stayed.

[00:21:01]Let them let them judge you. Let them misunderstand you because their opinion is not your truth. It's just noise. They don't live your life. They don't lie awake at night in your bed. They're not feeling the disconnect and the loneliness and the resentment. Only you know those things. Only you know what it feels like to be in that marriage. Only you know if you're out of alignment. So stop asking people who don't live your life for permission to change it.

[00:21:30]Because most of what they're saying isn't even about you. It's about them.

[00:21:32]It's about their fear and their conditioning and their trauma and unhealed wounds and insecurities. That has nothing to do with you. So don't pick it up like it belongs to you.

[00:21:43]>> Yeah. So as I was saying before, you can get triggered by it. You can be like, you know, it's just an excuse to leave and so on and so or you can go and fix it or do something about it. Cuz guess what? Marriages is supposed to be enjoyable. You know, it's supposed to elevate your life. You're supposed to have a partner. You're not supposed to carry everything on your shoulders.

[00:22:05]You're not supposed to be somebody's assistant, subordinate, whatever it is that they call it, servant. No, it wasn't never supposed to be somebody is bigger than somebody else. No, it was partnership. It was supposed to make life easier, you know, more fulfilling, more enjoyable. So for you to end up with somebody who makes your life more miserable, why would you want to continue doing something like that? You know that you can't travel and go where you want to go. You can't eat what you want to eat.

[00:22:38]You can't sleep when you want to sleep.

[00:22:40]You can't even take a common shower when you want to take your everything shower.

[00:22:43]You can't do it. Somebody feels entitled to your body. That says a lot. And if you're a man, like I said before, you're a man, you are married, you're watching this, and you're triggered in any way, shape, or form. Go and do your homework.

[00:22:54]You are the ones who keep screaming about taking accountability, being accountable. Women should be held accountable. But most of you are the problem. I keep saying it. You are the problem. And you don't like correction.

[00:23:06]You know, you hate taking accountability. Although you think you talk about it, you hate it. You don't like it. You always want to be right all the time. And that's why your marriages are failing. No, that's why your wives are leaving, you know, because I can't do anything. I can't even leave a spoon in the in the sink without you feeling a type of way, you know, always being over me, making me feel bad about myself, my decisions, you know, not being able to do what I want to do because it's like everything needs to be approved by you before I can do it. Nah, it shouldn't be like that. It should not be like that. So, yeah, again, the divorces, they are not coming from out of nowhere. It takes a lot of time before a woman will come to you and be like I don't want this anymore. Some most of the times they will tell you what is going on. But the thing is most of you are not willing to listen and that's the problem. That's why your marriages are failing. Yeah. And if you are in a marriage and like the last lady said you're feeling you're thinking should I leave? Should I stay? Should I?

[00:24:13]People will talk anyway. You staying there you not being happy. They are judging you. you leaving, they will still judge you. You know, you are sad and miserable, they will judge you. Most of the times, people will always make it the woman's fault. So, choose you. At the end of the day, choose you. Cuz if the person that you're supposed to do this with doesn't appreciate you, is treating you like a servant, doesn't see you, won't listen to you, won't try to do anything to improve the quality of your life. Why should you stay miserable in that? What's the point when it's just serving him and you are not benefiting from it?

[00:24:52]You are the sacrifice.

[00:24:55]Yeah.

[00:24:56]Leave for you. All right. Anyway, let me know your thoughts and I'll see you again another one. Take care of yourselves and one another. Bye.