4 Habits of a “Nice Racist” You Missed | When Racism Looks Polite & Friendly

Added: 2026-05-06

[00:00:00]Today I'm going to be going into four new habits of a nice racist. I'm your host Kolas and you are now tuning in to a new video on my channel. So let's get into it. We should all understand by now that racism in 2026 does not come in the form of someone in the dominant society wearing a KKK mask. It is often nice.

[00:00:23]And with that niceness often comes being polite, friendly, and it even sometimes comes with a smile.

[00:00:32]A lot of people are still looking for the racist who is loud, obnoxious, openly hateful, and is easy to identify.

[00:00:41]And to be clear, yes, these people do still exist, and they do still show you exactly who they are. And to be honest, you better pray that you find these types of races versus what I'm literally describing. But most of the racism that black people experience today is not that direct. Most of it is covert systemic racism, but it's wrapped in politeness. It's hidden behind so-called professionalism and protected by so-called plausible deniability.

[00:01:13]It is practicing a hidden form of racism while still claiming to be a good person. We call that nice racism. I did a video before where I broke down the four habits of a nice racist. And in that video, the four habits that I discussed were passive aggression, kind supremacy, fake victimhood, and social gentrification. But that was not the full list. So today I'm going to give you four more habits of a nice racist.

[00:01:44]The first habit of a nice racist we're going to discuss today is what I call strategic silence.

[00:01:52]Strategic silence is when someone sees racism, hears racism, recognizes racism, but says absolutely nothing because silence benefits them in some way. And to be clear, this is not the same thing as being confused. This is not even someone who really needed more context.

[00:02:12]This is especially not someone who genuinely did not hear what happened.

[00:02:18]Strategic silence is when they know something is wrong and they may have even heard what happened, but they choose comfort over accountability.

[00:02:26]Sometimes with the nice racist, instead of using their niceness to conceal their racism, they choose to use their niceness in order to avoid addressing another racist. They choose their relationships with the dominant society over standing up for what is right.

[00:02:43]That's why you'll get a lot of these white folks who will be with black partners and will be willing to expose them to their racist family members and then having them over for dinner knowing good and well that that family member is racist or has the tendency to use racial microaggressions.

[00:03:00]And they pretend like it's common ignorance when they know damn well that it's racism. and they certainly won't disown them despite knowing that they are racist. And you have to understand that a nice racist does not always have to be the person making the racist comment. Sometimes they are the person standing right there when the comment is made and not doing [ __ ] about it.

[00:03:22]Sometimes they are the person who watches a black coworker get microaggressed or treated differently, but then they act like they didn't see what happened. In other words, they have a tendency to use strategic silence. And the reason that this is so dangerous is because silence helps racism survive. A racist system doesn't only need loud racists in order to prevail. It also needs quiet people who refuse to challenge that system or those people.

[00:03:49]That's how the system keeps moving and racists keep getting protected. Because when nobody says anything, the black person is left isolated and also to be honest, they're left being gas lit. They want the image of being fair without the burden of being brave. So when racism happens, they suddenly become quiet.

[00:04:10]They suddenly don't know what to say.

[00:04:12]Then suddenly they want to quote unquote stay out of it. But notice something.

[00:04:18]They are never too quiet when it comes to gossip. When it's time to complain about a black person's tone, when it's time to say that somebody was unprofessional, when it's time to protect their own interest. But when someone uses racism, now all of a sudden they have nothing to say. A nice racist loves to stay silent because silence gives them cover. They can say, "I did not say anything racist. I'm not involved in this. I don't know what happened. I did not want to make it worse." They always have some type of stupid excuse. But the truth is, they helped make it worse by doing nothing.

[00:04:54]Racism does not only need agreement. It needs permission and silence gives it the permission that it needs. And I need to keep reminding you that being a white person who chooses not to address, confront, or correct an act of racism when they see it is an act of racism itself. And it also exposes their hypocrisy. See, these folks in the dominant society will act like a demon who's going through an exorcism whenever they hear a white person being accused of racism, even if it's not them themselves. All of a sudden, individualism and minding your own business goes out the goddamn window and protecting the racist male militia becomes a team sport. To them, it's worse to be called a racist than it is to be a black person who experiences it.

[00:05:47]That's why they're quick to correct when someone is called a racist versus when someone actually shows racism towards a black person. And not only will some of them refuse to address racist behavior, but they will also add on to it and try to soothe the racism with a joke to ease the tension. And what I'm describing happens more so with these white liberals than anyone else. I told y'all millions of times in the past, I have almost a decade's worth of civil rights experience. Now, the story I'm about to tell you is not one that I experienced personally. This is just something that was told to me at one of my civil rights jobs. So, at this job, I had this black co-orker and she was around a lot of our other white co-workers. And to give context, a lot of these white co-workers were those who would go around and say things such as they were woke and they cared about the struggles of quote unquote people of color. So, I just wanted to give that there. And at the time we had this accounting manager and the accounting manager somehow was a white woman and she was conservative. Go figure, right? Ain't that crazy? A conservative who was hired with them knowing that she was conservative in a company that was supposed to be mostly liberal because we fought for civil rights initiatives. Ain't that crazy?

[00:07:08]And so this coworker, this accountant woman that I was talking about, she was talking about how she was in Lington, Michigan. And for those of you all who do not know where that's at, it's in northern Michigan and there's basically almost no black people there. And it's like a beach town.

[00:07:24]And so she was there with her son and she may have been there with her husband as well, too. And there was a black kid who was there. And I guess this was the first time that her son had seen someone who was black. And so the son basically said, "Mommy, like this person is really tan. Why are they so dark?" And so as a response, she said that she had laughed and she said, "Those are black people."

[00:07:48]And yes, they all are really dark. So she had made this comment while this black woman was sitting there and none of them white liberal civil rights professionals said a goddamn word. But these same individuals in the past have used either microaggressions themselves became hyper sensitive whenever issues such as kids came up or they were sitting around talking greasy about Michael Jackson saying that he did some [ __ ] to some kids. So that's why I say that they're vocal on issues that have nothing to do with race because they believe it's just the right thing but don't say [ __ ] when it comes to actual racism happening right there in their faces. Hell, one of the little Karens at the gig went on a tirade about Jane Elliot's old wrinkled white woke ass because someone suggested bringing her in as a guest speaker for an event. And this little Karen, she was walking around talking about SOME I DO NOT SUPPORT JANE ELLIOT because she does experiments ON CHILDREN. I DON'T support that. But your little Starbucks latte drinking ass stayed quiet when the sister was made racially uncomfortable.

[00:08:57]Ain't that about a [ __ ] The second habit of a nice racist that we are going to discuss today is called proximity tokenism. Now, let me explain what that is. Proximity tokenism is when someone uses their closeness to black people as proof that they cannot be racist. So, for example, you've probably heard statements such as, "I have black friends," or "My best friend is black," or, "I grew up around black people. I dated a black person. My kids are mixed.

[00:09:28]I listen to black music. I work with black people every day." You've heard statements like this before. Thing is, these types of individuals are using proximity as a shield. They think being near black people or building relationships with them means they cannot participate in racism against black people. But that is not how racism works.

[00:09:52]Being around black people does not mean that you respect black people and it certainly does not mean that you won't racially mistreat them either. And a lot of you all will continue to mistreat the black people who you are around racially and then go about your day. And this is one of the most common tactics of nice racism because it sounds believable to people who do not understand how racism truly operates. A person can have black friends and still believe in racist stereotypes about black people and also perpetuate them. A person can date black people and still fetishize black people.

[00:10:35]A person can enjoy black music and still disrespect and appropriate black culture. A person can have mixed children and still carry out anti-black beliefs and also racially harm that mixed black child and even that partner.

[00:10:52]If anything, proximity gives them access to do it more frequently. And that is the part that people do not want to talk about. These folks think that if they're close enough to black people, then that proves something about them not being racist. But history has showed us time and time again that these folks in the dominant society can be extremely close to black people and still be racist. I mean, think about all your killer zadies who unalive their black partners. Think about the racist IP hustler Nick, that Armenian dude who mistreated and took advantage of tenderism in the destination smokehouse issue. Think about the black woman who had that sleepover with all those white women years ago and then she came up deceased.

[00:11:38]Think about Colin Kaepernick and his experience with racism and experiencing racism from his own mother.

[00:11:47]Proximity can actually make racism more dangerous because now the person thinks that they have a past. They think that they can make certain jokes. They think they can abuse us while no one is watching. They think they can say slick things because they are cool. And they ultimately think that they can be shot callers of black behavior and how we're supposed to operate. And that's where the problem starts. Understand proximity tokenism often turns into entitlement.

[00:12:16]So there's stages to this. So it goes from I know black people to I understand black people to I can speak on black people to I can correct black people all the way to I can decide what is and is not racist towards black people. They think that having a black person who is either their friend, so-called friend that is, or someone who is a black partner gives them street cred. And in a way, that means that they have a license to just do whatever they want with black people and say whatever they want about black people. And when they get accused of racism, they just pull out a black person that they have a relationship with like they're a character witness.

[00:13:02]AND PROXIMITY tokenism is an easy pipeline into yo yo yo homieoisms for the nice racist. And often once they get here they go from being nice to being hostile and violent in a racist way.

[00:13:17]What they are doing is using black proximity as a defense strategy. It's like saying I cannot be racist because a black person once liked me. How stupid does that [ __ ] sound? It turns black people into props. It turns relationships with black people into receipts. And it turns access into a defense.

[00:13:39]If your first impression to being called racist is to list the black people who like you or that you may have slept with, you are proving you only use black people as evidence when it's convenient.

[00:13:53]And to BE HONEST, SOME OF Y'ALL ARE PROBABLY MAKING THIS [ __ ] up about these relationships that you have with black people. Y'all in the dominant society just be making all types of [ __ ] up.

[00:14:02]These [ __ ] be in there talking about some I'm not racist. My best buddy is Taekcoon and I hang out with him in the hood all the time, dude.

[00:14:16]Let's move on to the third habit of a nice racist. The third habit of a nice racist is what I call racism denial refraraming.

[00:14:27]Racism denial reframing is when someone takes a racist situation and attempts to reframe it as something else in order to make it seem like racism is not the issue. So they won't directly say racism does not exist, but they'll try to change a situation that is clearly racist or deals with racism into something else. So there'll be times where you'll hear, "I think people are just being mean. mean it's not racism or maybe it was not about race or I I think you're reading too much into this or I do not think that's what they meant by what they said or maybe it was just a conflict of personality or maybe they were having a bad day or maybe they just don't like anyone. So, in other words, they'll try to race neutralize a situation that is clearly about racism.

[00:15:23]And some of those nice racist will even make statements that are condescending and passive aggressive when they hear this type of thing or they hear racism being alleged. And usually they'll either lean into something such as saying maybe you didn't understand or they'll even make an accusation saying that you cannot prove that what happened to you was racism. So, it's almost like you're being gas lit to a certain extent. Again, the nice racist doesn't always use niceness to water down their own racism. Sometimes they use niceness to water down other people's racism.

[00:16:00]They are not always directly defending the racist act. They're trying to create doubt that that racism existed. So, they're reframing it so that racism becomes the least likely explanation for why what happened happened. And this is why it works so well because it sounds reasonable and it also sounds very calm.

[00:16:21]It also comes off like they're taking a very logical and balanced stance on the issue and it sounds like they're also asking the right questions, but the impact is that racism gets removed from the conversation. So the conversation no longer is what happened to this black person. Now it becomes can we prove it really was racism? Like they're shifting the intention of the of the conversation to what they wanted to be about versus what you were intending when you said it because a lot of modern racism is designed to be hard to prove and they have to lean into that. I told you all sometimes calling one of the racist wet dog wonders is like spraying a roach with raid and a different roach acts like they're the [ __ ] THAT GOT SPRAYED. ICE racism thrives in ambiguity.

[00:17:14]Racism thrives in gray areas. It thrives in situations where the behavior is obvious to the person experiencing it but deniable to everyone else on purpose. So when someone says can you prove racism they are often asking the wrong question on purpose the better question is what is the pattern and in my book the pro black blurred series exposing anti-lack media tropes the blurred way I detail a method that helps you to better implement pattern analysis when looking at these things called the air method and what the air method signifies is that the first time that an incident of racism happens, it's a potential accident. The second time it occurs, it's a potential coincidence. And the third time or more, it's considered a pattern in practice. Because one incident might be argued away, but repeated behavior tells the truth about what they're doing as a pattern. This is why racism denial reframing is so dangerous. It attempts to keep every situation of racism isolated like it's a personal vendetta or it's like an an individual thing that happened to an individual person. It does not want you to connect the dots looking at history or comparing outcomes. It wants you to be stuck defending your own perception.

[00:18:39]Because the thing is, black people will know what happened and they'll know what they experienced, but now they have to spend all of their energy and time explaining it to people who are committed to misunderstanding it. And to be quite honest, nobody has time for that [ __ ] A nice racist will make racism so hard to name that the black person gets tired of trying to name it.

[00:19:01]So, they play this fake inquisitive denial game. Denying racism is not just an opinion. is part of preserving racism. The white supremacist operates in a system of confusion and denial keeps that confusion alive.

[00:19:17]Part of racism is convincing people that racism is never the explanation. They want racism to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time, which just makes no [ __ ] sense. They are okay with it impacting our lives, but disappear the moment that we name it. They are okay with it shaping outcomes but not to be considered as a factor. They are okay with it showing up in hiring decisions, promotions, discipline, policing, housing, education, and everyday treatment, but still act confused when black people say, "I have been racially mistreated." Matter of fact, let me tell you all about my first experience with this form of nice racism, at least that I can remember. A long while ago, I used to do Uber. And I told y'all this before, and this was before I understood how racism works covertly. And I had this customer who I picked up, and it was this young white dude who was in this trailer park. Dude just out of nowhere started talking about himself and was sharing with me his life story. And he talked about this condition he had where he described it as him getting to the point where he was always fatigued and when he would piss it would almost be the color of cherry coke. I know that's TMI but this is what this dude said.

[00:20:41]And he told me about his struggles and how someone told him that what he went through in his 20 years of life or however old he was at that time was more than most people go through in an entire lifetime. and he told me how it taught him how to have empathy for others who go through things that they cannot help.

[00:20:59]I forgot how we got here, but at some point I remember briefly telling him about me experiencing racism in some way, and I believe it was racism at work or at a job or something like that. Then all of a sudden, this young lice lord turns around and has the audacity to ask me, "Are you sure it was racism?" And I said to him, "What do you mean? I didn't sound confused when I told you." And then he said out of nowhere, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think that black people experience racism a lot." And a lot of the time, I think that it's overblown. And after he said that, my face turned up and I said to myself, "Ain't that about a bitch?" And needless to say that I had to get his ass up out of my car with all that damn mailplaining. Sheesh. See, he's the perfect example of a nice racist who uses racism denial reframing. This was a dude who proved to be a hypocrite based off of what I told you. And he did it through his own defensiveness. He was defending the racism that he didn't even see or know about. Hell, I didn't even say the names of the people who did it to me or the descriptions of the people who did it to me. And he did all that after trying to position himself as some type of victim. and also saying that he has empathy for other people who go through things that they cannot help. He wanted to gaslight me and act like I didn't experience what I experienced.

[00:22:31]I'm like, [ __ ] are you sure that when you were pissing it was the color of cherry coke and it wasn't just mayonnaise backing your ass up? Because here's my thing. I mean, some [ __ ] that thick has to [ __ ] up somebody's system.

[00:22:46]And this is that false victimhood [ __ ] again as well, too. you're over there patting your back and acting like you're down bad and all this other [ __ ] while you're sitting there chilling at the local trailer park if you don't get the [ __ ] out of here with that [ __ ] So, the fourth habit of a nice racist we're going to discuss today is called the slow switch up. This is one of the most deceptive habits because it does not start off obvious.

[00:23:10]At first, the person seems cool and they may even show interest in things connected to black culture.

[00:23:17]Some black folks in this situation will let their guard down and then all of a sudden little [ __ ] starts happening. At first it's small jokes, assumptions, corrections, and moments where something just feels off, but then it happens in a pattern and now you realize the behavior was not random.

[00:23:37]And the thing is they're revealing themselves to you. They do not show you everything at once. They ease into it.

[00:23:45]And this is important because some people think that a racist person has to be racist from the first conversation in order for them to be considered a racist. And the thing is, some of these folks start off being nice and also being really inquisitive. I mean, they'll ask you all of these fact gathering questions about your life and get a read for your beliefs and your mindset. They're trying to read what type of negro you are, and that's just the reality. They're trying to see what they can get away with or what they can't get away with. And they're also trying to see how you respond to things.

[00:24:15]They're trying to see overall if you are confrontational or if you are passive.

[00:24:19]And once they feel comfortable or comfortable enough, then more of this racism starts to come out. And really, this would confuse any naive negroid, especially those who go around saying, "I have white friends." And maybe even, you know, some of them who try to see it as a simple character flaw. So when racism slips out, you have to reconcile with two versions of that same person.

[00:24:43]The nice version that you first met and the pattern that you are now seeing despite that first version. And the hard part isn't even accepting the reality for yourself, but more so what folks around you are going to say in defense of that person, especially if these are individuals who you trust at that moment. It's always that's crazy cuz they were so nice to you or they seem so cool or I never really could see them acting like that or some of them will even get like defensive and they'll say well they never did that type of stuff to me so I don't know what you talking about. So you get [ __ ] negroes like that. So you'll get all types of things you know. Um, and a lot of them will even go as far as to point out the fact that they helped you before. Because here's the thing, some of these nice supremacist will be protected because of their friendliness or because of their kind supremacy, as I talked about in a previous video. So, they'll use that as evidence to say that there isn't a pattern of them being racist. And as a result, when others see it, they believe it. But the truth is, early friendliness does not erase late behavior.

[00:25:50]A person can be nice during the introduction of who they are and still become harmful once they become comfortable. A person can smile in your face and still believe racist stereotypes about you and also perpetuate them. A person can joke with you and still police your behavior. A person can say they like you and still think that they have the right to speak about your experience negatively and racially disrespect you. For example, think about the movie Get Out. Rose's family was just like this. Especially looking at her brother. Notice how he was at first cool, funny, and quirky when he was talking to Chris and and he was sitting there and he was over there talking to him about jiujitsu, if I'm not mistaken. But over time, as Chris started coming across [ __ ] that was going on, he was one of the most hostile ones of them. He was the one who was using the most energy to try to keep the black folks there at bay or to just harm them. All and although this was a movie, it was a strong allegory for a heavy pattern that exists in reality and it was placed there on purpose by brother Jordan Peele. The thing is with them at first everything feels normal. These folks in the dominant society come out smiling, friendly, welcoming, and helpful. But then little moments start to feel kind of strange when you deal with them. The tone changes, comments get weird, and the comfort becomes a form of control. even when it comes to their friendliness and helpfulness, it starts to feel invasive. And eventually, you realize something's got to be up here. And that's the slow switch up.

[00:27:23]It's when the nice presentation slowly gives way to the actual pattern and problem. And in real life, this can show up in a lot of different ways. It might be someone who starts off acting cool with you, but later starts making jokes about black neighborhoods, black names, black hair, black speech, black anger, or some other stupid ass microaggression. It might also be someone who starts off friendly at work, but later starts questioning whether or not you're qualified, whether or not you're too emotional, whether or not you're too intimidating, or whether or not you're my favorite, a team player.

[00:27:59]And it might sometimes be someone who starts off comfortable around you, but then gets too comfortable and starts saying [ __ ] that they would have never said before or it may have seemed like they would have never said this before.

[00:28:10]And the key is this switch up is not always sudden. Sometimes it's gradual and it's sometimes something that comes in a drip. It's a comment here, a joke here, question here, a stereotype here.

[00:28:21]And by the time you finally call it out, they can act shocked. They can say, "Where is this coming from? I thought we were cool." Or again, they'll try to put it on you. They'll say it was just a joke. You're taking it too seriously or you never had a problem before. So then that becomes this trap where they make it seem like if you didn't call it out the first time, then they use it against you later. And that's why it's important for you to call these things out if these are individuals that you have to see regularly. Now, in some cases, I get that some people are trying to observe and understand who they're dealing with, but understand that these types of things should be tackled upfront.

[00:28:58]But sometimes black folks do not call it out immediately because they're again trying to observe the pattern. They're trying to confirm what they are seeing and they're in in some cases they're trying to survive an environment that they believe could harm them depending on how they move and they're not trying to overreact. And the thing is the nice racist takes advantage of that. They take advantage of their hesitation. They use your patience as permission then act shocked when you finally name that pattern. It's about that mask slipping slowly enough that you question yourself before you question them. And this is why black people have to pay attention to patterns, not just personalities.

[00:29:39]Because somebody can be a pleasant personality and still carry harmful beliefs and practice them in common law.

[00:29:47]Somebody can be funny and still be biased. They can be friendly and still be racist. And they can be nice and still be a dangerous person to deal with.

[00:29:56]Now, when you put these four different habits together, you start to see why nice racism is so hard for people to identify because each habit creates a cover for each other. Strategic silence protects the environment. Proximity tokenism protects the person's image.

[00:30:14]Racism, denial, reframing protects the behavior. And the slow switch up protects the pattern until it becomes too obvious to ignore. This type of thing doesn't typically rely on just one particular tactic. There's many ways that this mayo racism shows up, but it relies on layers. A nice racist can be silent when racism happens. They can use their black friends as proof that they are not racist. They can deny racism when someone calls it out. They can also slowly reveal themselves more and more over time, not initially. and to everybody else, they still look like a normal person who doesn't practice racism. The thing is, modern racism does not always need hatred in the open.

[00:31:00]Sometimes all it needs is politeness, denial, and enough people willing to just look away and not say [ __ ] or to gaslight people who call the [ __ ] out like myself. That is why I keep saying racism today is a covert practice. The days where people think that proof has to be one big obvious moment are pretty much over. Often the proof is in repetition, consistency, and even how the lice legion responds when you call out the racism. And sometimes niceness is just the packaging that racism uses so it can move through society without being challenged.

[00:31:38]We have to start asking whether or not their behavior creates harm. Because a person can be nice and still be racist.

[00:31:44]A person can still be polite and protect the system of racism. And they can be friendly and still participate in anti-lack sentiments. So the real question is not were they nice. The real question is what is the pattern? And once you see the pattern, you really can't unsee it.

[00:32:03]With that being said, let me know below which of these four habits have you seen the most with a nice racist? Tell us your story or the story of someone else below and let's go ahead and get this discussion started. Before we get up out of here, I would love it if you were to join my membership channel. I have three different tiers that you can take advantage of, but I recommend the premium tier because you can find out more that I have going on outside of what you hear from the videos on this channel. With that being said, I'm looking forward to inviting you and welcoming you to the exclusive Cool Click. All right, y'all. I hope you enjoyed this video. I hope you enjoyed what I had to say and I definitely will have more to come in the future. So, make sure you stay tuned. In the meantime, I would love it if you like this video, subscribe, share, and also hit the bell icon so you'll get notifications for whenever I come out with new content on this channel. Other than that, I will talk to you later.

[00:32:52]Bisjo.