Ms. Crystal's Podcast Program |Ep. 50| Fifty Nifty Episodes

[00:00:00]Hello everyone. It's me, Miss Crystal.

[00:00:02]And guess what?

[00:00:05]Aiden thinks he can go on vacation.

[00:00:10]And he can cuz he works hard. I was I was temporarily upset because I don't like change and I don't like people leaving. I have abandonment issues if you haven't noticed.

[00:00:24]But that's not really a good way to start off the 50th episode. It's the 50th episode. 5 + 0 is five. And five divided by two is 2 point something.

[00:00:40]And um if you know anything about me, you know that I'm not consistent with anything in the world. Guess what? We hit 50.

[00:00:51]So, if I happen to pass on tonight, which I probably won't, I'm assuming I could say I'm happy with my life because I made 50 episodes. Okay, [snorts] it is July 13th and someone today commented, "Hey, you don't even need to say the dates because next year it will be irrelevant." And I don't think it will be irrelevant because there was a very smart person who once said, if you don't know your history, you're doomed to do something. And I don't want to do whatever that something is, right? I don't want to do that. And I think it's a good historical thing because you can think if you're watching this in let's say July 13, 2027, you can think, "Oh, that's cool that July 13th, 2026 was on a Monday. Now it's Tuesday."

[00:02:02]So, at first I agreed with the commenter and then I thought to myself, stop listening to other people.

[00:02:09]do what you want to do. That's what I'm doing.

[00:02:15]Uh, and it's also um in addition to being Monday, it is National Barberhop Music Appreciation Day.

[00:02:24]I for one am a big fan of barberhop quartets and so is my cousin Tammy and so is my friend Dave Gunther. And in fact, we have been auditioning people for nearly two years now to be in our barberhop quartet. Right now, we just have a barbershop trip trio.

[00:02:45]And you know, that's not good. You need for a quartet, you need four cuz you need a bass, a middle, a high.

[00:02:59]Maybe you only need three for a quartet because you're you got high, middle, low.

[00:03:07]Yeah, I wonder why they did it that way.

[00:03:11]Let me ask Siri.

[00:03:13]Hey Siri, why does a barberh shop quartet have four people?

[00:03:22]Hey, she's not answering me. That's not good.

[00:03:26]Hey Siri, why does a barberh shop quartet only have have four people?

[00:03:35]Okay, I found this on the web. Why does a barberh shop quartet only have four people? Check it out.

[00:03:44]>> Okay, it's a group of four singers, which we knew that that's quartet uh who sing music in a barberh shop style and they don't have instruments.

[00:03:55]That's another thing.

[00:03:57]We have the lead, the bass, the tenor, and the baritone. Okay, that's why you can't have it a trio because without a trio, you would you wouldn't have the lead.

[00:04:07]And he's the one that's setting the stage for the rest of the voices.

[00:04:14]Barberhop music is typified by close harmony. The upper three voices generally remain within one octave. So if I'm this is what I'm understanding.

[00:04:24]If I'm down here, the next one would be who? And the next one would be who I think it's the do.

[00:04:41]I think those are an octave apart.

[00:04:44]If not, let me know in the comments.

[00:04:47]Hey Siri.

[00:04:49]>> Mhm. is do reay me each one an octave apart.

[00:04:57]She didn't say I found something here for you.

[00:05:03]All righty. We are searching first off the bare essentials. All right. I just want to know I think it'd be easier if I just ask the comments. Is do reay me an octave apart?

[00:05:15]So if one guy's on do it's not. How many octaves is it?

[00:05:28]He said it's not, but he's not able to provide any answers. So, he's wrong.

[00:05:34]It sounds like it. Do me.

[00:05:42]Remember in music class the teacher would be doing these hand signals.

[00:05:46]Reme [singing] one time I auditioned for a there was a Christmas program and I was a child in school and they were having a Christmas program downtown at the Keel Opera House and in St. Louis, I don't even think that exists anymore.

[00:06:12]And the guy said, "Come on in here and audition." I said, "Okay." And he said, "Do the highest voice you could do." And I didn't understand. He meant the highest voice that I could sing in. I was going and that's how I auditioned. And somehow I still got the part. It was in a choir of children's choir. And I'm going instead of that's about as high as I get.

[00:06:48]He didn't stop me. He said, "Good." And then he said, "You got the part."

[00:06:52]Had it been a single a solo, I probably wouldn't have. But since I was mixed with a bunch of other children that were just going, they were they were like, "Well, that's fine." Now, I will say this.

[00:07:11]This >> [clears throat] >> uh show was for the Nutcracker Ballet, right?

[00:07:17]And we just sang just like I said for like one song.

[00:07:25]Now, during the rest of the time, we got to be backstage. And that's all I've ever wanted is to be backstage, be in a green room, be a star, and I had these white cowboy boots on and a pink shirt, and I was running all around the backstage area up and down the steps because this was a a venue that the Monkeys had played at. And when I was younger, I was obsessed with the band The Monkeys. Okay. You can see a pattern of me being obsessed with different men groups.

[00:07:57]I don't know if that was uh trauma response. I don't I don't I haven't really examined that. Regardless, that was the venue the monkeys had played at and I saw them there and I thought I have to go to the same areas that the monkeys were. So, I was running all around and then I got in trouble and somebody came up and said, "You were running around?" And I said, "Well, how'd you know it was me?" And she said, "They said white boots and a pink shirt."

[00:08:25]I was the only cool gal around with the white boots on from Fashion Gal. Anybody remember the store called Fashion Gal?

[00:08:32]I don't know if this was nationwide, but in St. Louis, we had a store called Fashion Gal, G A L. And I was obsessed with it. And it's kind of like a Ross where it has that low quality style, fast fashion.

[00:08:52]Um, but I was obsessed with Fashion Gal and there was one within walking distance of my home and they shut down Fashion Gal and I can still smell it to this day. I know exactly how Fashion Gal smelled.

[00:09:05]smelled like, you know, brand new clothes, carpet, and probably a little bit of bio or doodoo or something.

[00:09:15]What a wonderful way to start off the 50th episode. This is just like any other episode, except it's a milestone.

[00:09:24]If you made it to 50 as a human being, 50 years old, you're doing something.

[00:09:29]You've stayed alive a long time. You've not been killed. You've not gotten an STD that kills you. You've not gotten some sort of cancer or brain tumor.

[00:09:42]If you're 50, you're doing good. For instance, the song Nifty50 United States. That's a pretty cool song. Now, even though they had that song, I still don't know how many states there are.

[00:10:01]It's coming out on the 13th. Okay. So, I'm going to make another commercial.

[00:10:05]This is a commercial for the uh Libby Higgins's potluck, which is on the 27th.

[00:10:10]I said it wrong last time.

[00:10:13]Hello, my name is Miss Crystal and I want to encourage you to go to a show at the lab at Zanies on July 21st at 700 p.m. The following people will be there.

[00:10:30]Libby Higgins, Zack Townsen, Ben Palmer, Tyler Finny, Chelsea Lynn.

[00:10:40]Did I say Libby Higgins? So, all those people will be there.

[00:10:46]If you want to have a good time on a Tuesday night at 7 p.m. with your friends and family, go to that show. Buy tickets online at libbyhiggins.com.

[00:11:00]And again, do not expect a potluck.

[00:11:03]There's no food. There's food. There's zies food. There's not a potluck.

[00:11:07]There's not going to be green bean casserole. Uh a hamburger helpers. None of that stuff.

[00:11:15]Just regular. They got a a comedy cob.

[00:11:20]That's the only thing I've eaten there.

[00:11:22]A comedy co. Oh, and I've also had the chocolate chip cookie with ice cream, which is to die for.

[00:11:31]And that's the end of that commercial.

[00:11:35]On this day back in uh 1986 on on 713, the number one hit song was Holding Back the Tears. And we're doing a lot of singing today on this podcast for the 50th. Holding back the tears by Simply Red.

[00:11:52]Holding back the tears, making s.

[00:11:59]I was never good at lyrics, but I got the gist of the song. Holding back the tears. And he had red curly hair, kind of like mine. Simply red, the lead singer.

[00:12:10]Really good song. If you haven't heard it, go check it out. I don't know if we should analyze the lyrics on that because I don't think the lyrics are all that crazy. Just a regular normal everyday song. Okay.

[00:12:26]Simply read Holding back. Now, while I'm looking that up, I would like to say that yesterday, for the first time in my life with my friend Harold, I watched a movie called The Sandlot. And I've heard a lot about that movie. and he kept saying, "I can't believe you've never seen this."

[00:12:51]Well, I wasn't a little boy. That's a little boy movie. I was a grown adult when that movie came out. And I will say it was really, really cute and I really enjoyed it.

[00:13:03]If you haven't seen The Sand Lot, go see it. Dennis Liry plays the dad and he's a comedian.

[00:13:11][music] Let's just briefly skim these lyrics. I don't think they're weird. Weird.

[00:13:19]Holding back the years. Thinking of the fear I've had for so long. Didn't know that was a lyric. Holding back the years.

[00:13:28]Thinking of the fear I had. So, no. I did not think that was it. When somebody hears, listen to the fear that's gone.

[00:13:37]Well, I have no idea what the hell that means. Simply read. You're holding back the years thinking of the fear that I've had so long. when somebody hears listening to the that makes no sense. So I guess we are analyzing the song because it don't make sense.

[00:13:55]This one strangled by the wishes of per hoping for the arms of Mater.

[00:14:08]Get to me sooner or later. Oh. Oh.

[00:14:13]Well, this is there's nothing to analyze because I don't know what it means.

[00:14:18]Strangled by the wishes of per Hey Siri, what is per?

[00:14:27]>> St. Peter, also known as not St. Peter.

[00:14:38]father like a priest.

[00:14:40]What's mater?

[00:14:44]So [snorts] strangled by the wishes of your father.

[00:14:48]That makes sense because mother okay so he's speaking some sort of Greek dialect root word for paternal father hoping for the arms of mater mom maternal mother mama mama mia mosherelli get to me sooner or later and then he goes Oh. Oh, this is the part where it really Nope. This isn't the part yet. Holding back the years. Chance for me to escape from all I've known. Holding back the tears cuz nothing here has grown. And I'm assuming he's talking about his penis. He's talking about nothing made him horny.

[00:15:39]And then he says, "I'll keep holding on.

[00:15:41]I'll keep holding on. I'll keep holding on. I'll keep holding on so tight.

[00:15:49]Okay. Um, and it pretty much just keeps saying the same things over and over again.

[00:15:58]Now, I'm going to look here. It says, "What is the meaning behind the song Holding Back the Years?" Holding back the Years by Simply Red is a deeply autobiographable ballad about the pain of a broken childhood, [gasps and sighs] [clears throat] emotional stagnation and the terrifying conflicting urge to either escape into the unknown or stay trapped in the familiar pain.

[00:16:29]So when he said strangled by the wishes of per maybe his dad said simply red I want you to be a doctor. That's what his dad wishes and he says I don't want to be a doctor dad. I want to be simply red in a band.

[00:16:51]And then the and then he says hoping for the arms of Mater. So he wants his mom to hug him and the mom says, "Uh-uh. I don't have the lug love to give you."

[00:17:05]So he's holding back the tears.

[00:17:10]Wow. This is really profound. Here's the thing. Simply read, and I don't think that's your name. That's the name of the band. His name is Mick Hucknull.

[00:17:21]Oh god, I just read even worse. Frontman Mick Hucknull began writing this song when he was 17 years old. It was heavily inspired by the trauma of his mother abandoning his family when he was three years old.

[00:17:47]leaving him to be raised solely by his father.

[00:17:59]While he was thankful that his father raised him, this is what I'm getting.

[00:18:03]He's thankful his father raised him. He wanted his mom. We always just want our mothers.

[00:18:10]Anytime I'm sick, hurt, I say to myself, I just want my mom. Cuz your mom will heal everything. Unless your mom's a piece of [ __ ] like Simply Red's mom.

[00:18:29]Well, as I was singing that song as a young person, really rocking out to it, never thought that it was about his mother abandoning abandoning him.

[00:18:42][clears throat] Now, when I think of a mother, I can't imagine anyone besides myself abandoning their children. Now, if I happen to have children, I would have abandoned them.

[00:18:54]Point blank. Not a fan of children that are my own. In fact, I'm I'm not even fan of children of other people, but I'm not going to be mean to a little child.

[00:19:08]Wow, that song analysis really has me upset.

[00:19:13]And if you're out there, Mick, lead singer of Simply Red, or as I like to call you, Simply Red, you had red hair.

[00:19:20]I'm sorry for the turmoil that your mother did to you. And I'm not saying I would have also abandoned you because that's mean.

[00:19:31]All I'm saying is if you're in the comments and you want me to help you heal your inner child, I will hug you. I don't like hugging, but if having a large woman give you a motherly hug would heal you, I will do it.

[00:19:49]And then I would sing Holding back the tears. I would sing it to you and reflect that uh song back to you so you can hear it and hear how much of an impact it had on my life.

[00:20:04]And I frankly I'm glad I didn't know what it meant as a child. I had enough damn trauma going on. I didn't need to hear somebody else's trauma.

[00:20:14]and another uh so they give you these search options you know everything's AI after that it says well first it says why is the band called simply red and we've already figured that out the man has red hair it's a direct reference to frontman mix trademark bright red hair very much like mine and his lifelong [clears throat] long support of Manchester United and that's the thing with with of they call it football in other countries. Soccer.

[00:20:47]They're obsessed with it in other countries. There's a whole big thing going on right now where a bunch of places have people playing soccer.

[00:20:56]And I could give less than a damn about soccer.

[00:20:59]Initially, he wanted to call the band Red before deciding that Simply Red sounded way much better. And I agree. And you might say, "Well, how many other hit songs did they have?"

[00:21:15]I don't think any other ones.

[00:21:18]They may had plenty of other songs, but the the one I remember, let's see, Simply Red. Oh, he put out a song in 2003. He he very well could be watching this right now. If you know Simply Red, tag him in the comments and tell him that I loved his song and I'm sorry he had trauma that's really sound I'm I feel upset. But that's the end of the analyzing the song lyric [clears throat] for the for today.

[00:21:58]I'm going to uh I wanted to read some horoscopes.

[00:22:02]That's just kind of a new thing I thought of. Read a horoscope and I'm going to choose it randomly. Who's Let's see who who is the um we have cancer. So, we are in Cancer Cancer season. I'm going to read a Cancer [clears throat] horoscope for today.

[00:22:23]Your weekly horoscope. All right. Oh, this is a YouTube video. I don't want to I want to read it.

[00:22:30]Okay. Susan Miller. We're on susanmiller astrology zone.com and I've already got an ad and that's pissed me off.

[00:22:42]Mhm.

[00:22:45]Oh god, this is long. I just want you know in the newspaper you used to be able to open the newspaper and if you don't know what that is like Channing probably doesn't know. Just imagine you have a computer paper, but it's big and then it has words all over it. Well, they would fold it up and they take it and throw it into your front yard and then you'd go out there and open it up and look at it. They had a the entertainment section. It had of comics.

[00:23:11]It had horoscopes. It had different kinds of puzzles, like crossword puzzles. Very entertaining. Used to love to sit down and eat my cereal and look at the paper. And they had horoscopes.

[00:23:24]Well, it's not easy to get a horoscope these days. I guess I have to look up a daily horoscope for cancer.

[00:23:34]What is your uh sign? Uh Aiden, he doesn't freaking know his sign.

[00:23:45]Jesus Christ.

[00:23:49]How did you not know your s your sign?

[00:23:52]horoscope.com. Let's see if they He's a Leo. He's a lion.

[00:24:02]As a water sign, Cancer deeply feels though will often keep the sentiments hidden under their shell. Oh wow.

[00:24:14]Still not giving me a daily horoscope, which is really it's giving me a lot of different ads. Okay, now it says Apple Platform Security. So, I have downloaded a virus. That's not real. That's not from Apple. That's a thing that wants me to click on it and give them money. They infected my computer. How do I even turn it off? Oh my god, I broke my computer.

[00:24:40]Well, we're not reading horoscopes.

[00:24:44]All right, I'm gonna try one more time.

[00:24:47]daily. I'mma put daily horoscopes free.

[00:24:51]That's what I did. That's what I should have done.

[00:24:56]I got one for July 6. We don't have it cuz we're we're actually on July 6.

[00:25:01]We're not on the 13th.

[00:25:05]All right. This is for uh this is for uh let's see, weekly. We go up here.

[00:25:13]It's not letting me go into the future, which kind of pisses me off because horoscopes are about the future. Maybe I want to look ahead at my for my horoscope and see what's happening next week.

[00:25:25]Damn.

[00:25:28]Never thought I'd get so angry about a horoscope. Well, screw screw you horoscope.com.

[00:25:36]Oh, you want to know what your horoscope last week? What it was last week?

[00:25:40]Cancer. Okay, listen up. You're on one planet. Your friends are on another.

[00:25:46]That's how the beginning of the week feels. You'd like to spell out your emotions.

[00:25:51]Did you find one? Oh, it's all right.

[00:25:54]I'll just read this one. I'm already pissed off. You like to spell out your emotions on a giant electronic marquee for everyone to read, but emotional appeals are not the way to go right now.

[00:26:06]An intellectual approach will get you a lot further. Wednesday and Thursday of last week were dreamy.

[00:26:14]Notice how we can figure out if this is real or not. Was last week. Wednesday and Thursday dreamy.

[00:26:22]Put me let me know in the comments. But Friday is pure havoc. If at all possible, don't let anyone else's hastiness have too much effect on you.

[00:26:31]Take your time. Set your rhythm. Sunday is a ship and you are the captain. Well, Sunday was last night if you're watching this on Monday. So, [sighs] if you're thinking about adding new seg segments two to three hours before you film, don't do it. Okay?

[00:26:55]Don't do it.

[00:26:59]And that will take me to the brand new uh it's not brand new, it's actually one we've done every single time called Figuring out the figurine.

[00:27:14]Yep. And this one, [music] I will say this right off the bat.

[00:27:20]I truly believe with all [snorts] my heart that it is haunted.

[00:27:26]And I'm going to read the card before I show y'all so you can sort of set the stage. Somebody gave this to me at a show. I don't remember. Let's see. Miss Crystal, if you decide the figure to feature this on figuring out the figurine, read these letters after.

[00:27:43]Okay.

[00:27:49]I don't want to read it after.

[00:27:51]I want to read these first. Well, let's figure it out. Let's figure it out first and then read it. And I'll pretend that I didn't already look at this. Okay.

[00:28:05]As you can see, this is broken down here. Um, the feet are broken. The the nose is broken. And it appears we have a woman holding a basket sitting in some sort of throne. In the other hand, it looks like she has lettuce or something.

[00:28:25]Now, when I first saw this, I nearly [ __ ] my pants.

[00:28:32]It scared me just the way it looked.

[00:28:34]She's got black eyes, but then I sat it down and I read the cards, you know, and that's what I'm going to do for you right now.

[00:28:44]Hi, Miss Crystal. I hope you like this figurine. It has an odd backstory. Well, we can tell that by looking at it.

[00:28:53]I live in a house that was built in 1927.

[00:28:57]It has a seller underneath it. already the word seller.

[00:29:03]You don't have a normal basement. You've got one of those sellers that has dirt in it and there's probably people people buried there. One day, my friend and I decided to go down there to check it out. That was a big mistake. We walked to the very back and found a bookcase with this figurine on it along with old cans of concentrated grape juice and a cassette tape [clears throat] with Swedish Christian music.

[00:29:30]We Googled what we found and it said this is a Swedish figurine that symbolizes protection through abundance, fertility, and it's funny that my stomach just made a noise because it says and a well-fed household.

[00:29:53]I hope that whoever placed it there had good fortune while living in the house.

[00:29:58]But I will say it was creepy discovering this. I hope you can enjoy it. Don't forget to make your offering of grape juice marquita.

[00:30:14][clears throat] PS. She had a whole make a whole other card for the PS. PS. We were taking videos of our seller adventure and when we looked at them after >> [clears throat] >> We saw a shadow of a man's face in the darkness.

[00:30:34]I also discovered another entrance to the cellar in the back of the house.

[00:30:40]It was [snorts] probably just shadows, but damn, it was creepy. We are moving soon, so good to our ghost friend. Now, in this first one, oh, this represents abundance. This represents well well-fed family. And then the second PS, I saw a man's face in the darkness and there was a different entrance. And I don't know if this is because I'm hungry and haven't eaten all day, but I'm getting lightheaded.

[00:31:14]When I think of abundance, I think of a cornucopia. You know how on Thanksgiving they have a cornicopia and there's food coming out of it? I don't think of a blackeyed person sitting on a chair holding a basket of food, but I appreciate you thinking of me and uh getting me this figurine. Now, I'm going to look it up myself and see what information I get. And if I take a picture and I see a a figurine a figure's black figure's face in the back, I'm going to freak out.

[00:31:49]Come on, go down. There we go.

[00:31:53]30. Thank you.

[00:31:58]This statue is San. Nino de Atocha.

[00:32:04]Devotional figure commonly made of ceramic or resin and depicting the child Jesus sitting on a chair.

[00:32:19]>> [clears throat] >> It is specifically stouted as a pilgrim wearing a brown cloak with white lace collar over a blue robe and brimmed hat.

[00:32:31]The figure is holding a basket of food in one hand and a water gourd.

[00:32:35]Oh, that is a gourd. You're right. A water gourd.

[00:32:41]While these are popular religious items often found in estate sales or religious shops, this particular item appears broken at the base. Damn.

[00:32:52]Need to mind your business. Let's see if it was in uh perfect condition and we get 40 bucks for it. All right. So, I have to go back and make some apologies.

[00:33:02]This is supposed to be Jesus.

[00:33:07]Okay.

[00:33:09]So, where did um my friend Marquita get Swedish?

[00:33:15]That's vastly different. As far as I know, Jesus wasn't from Sweden. I believe he was from well, his name is Jesus of Nazareth. So, he's from Nazareth.

[00:33:27]And I think this was broken because people were putting doing spells and putting [ __ ] in there like a tail of a mouse and a sprig of juniper.

[00:33:39]You don't you don't put this kind of stuff in the basement next to grape juice and tapes tapes of music.

[00:33:50]I have to take a moment to stop before I pass out, but it's getting me dirty. We have reached the 30 minute mark. We're probably on 35 at this point.

[00:34:00]Consider this episode 50.5. That means we're halfway there.

[00:34:07]And we are going to celebrate by saying, "Hype it up for the 50th." Hype it up.

[00:34:12]What other podcast in the whole world has 50 episodes besides this one?

[00:34:20]And it's actually a lot. But if I just act like it's not, I just say, "Oh, there's this is the first podcast in the whole world to get to 50 episodes. It sounds cool, right?"

[00:34:33]>> [clears throat] >> So, I'm just going to come out and say it.

[00:34:40]This is not Jesus. Jesus didn't wear eyeshadow. Jesus didn't wear mascara.

[00:34:46]Jesus didn't wear pink lipstick. And Jesus certainly wouldn't be caught dead in this hat.

[00:34:53]You never saw Jesus in a hat. He had a cloak. He had sandals. But what Jesus is not going to wear is a hat with feathers on it.

[00:35:05]I don't think there's one passage in the whole Bible that said, "And Jesus took his hat off and said it hasn't happened." Now, maybe in the Mormon Bible, because their Bible's a little different.

[00:35:20]No offense to Mormons, but I've seen y'all's Bible, and there's pictures of Jesus walking in the United States. And as far as I know, that didn't happen.

[00:35:28]Jesus didn't walk in the United States.

[00:35:35]Now, he could do that right now because Jesus is everywhere, but back in the day when he lived, he wasn't over here. He was in the Holy Land.

[00:35:47]And um I'm not going to say Marquita that I'm going to throw this away, but I feel like this is one of those things where in a scary movie where the person's like, I got to get rid of this.

[00:36:02]And then they put it in the trash and then she's sitting there like this sleeping on her couch and wakes up, looks over there, and the freaking thing is sitting over there. So she's like, "Ah, I'm going to break it.

[00:36:17]I'm going to break this damn thing and I'm going to throw it away." So she breaks it in a million pieces, puts it in a in a grocery bag, puts it in the dumpster, and here she is that night sleeping.

[00:36:31]Oh. Wakes up to get some water. Guess what? It's back together. And it's sitting right by her bed.

[00:36:38]All back together like somebody didn't even glue it. Just perfectly together.

[00:36:43]That's what this makes me think of. So, I'm not going to do all that because that's far scarier than thinking about just putting it on the shelf behind me.

[00:36:53]Because if I throw this in the trash and it shows up in here later, guess what?

[00:36:56]I'm moving out immediately.

[00:36:59]This podcast will be over. I'll never come back in the studio again.

[00:37:05]Is that being dramatic? No. I've seen a lot of horror movies, specifically with the premise that I just said, where somebody tries to destroy an heirloom or something that's giving them bad luck. They go into the little uh antique store. First of all, if you're going to go into an antique store and you hear some sort of like ominous music playing, like get the hell out of there. And definitely don't buy anything cuz whatever you buy in there.

[00:37:35]I think the person in [music] Gremlins thought they were buying a cute little animal [music] somewhere. Guess what? Bring it home.

[00:37:46]The freaking thing after a certain time of night or when it gets wet. Was it when they got wet? You get the damn thing wet and it starts turning into the spooky gremlins. The ugly ones that aren't cute. Not Gizmo. Definitely not Gizmo anymore. It's definitely this freaking scary ones. All I'm saying is don't go into antique shops and if you you intend to buy something that looks spooky, don't buy it. You won't be able to get rid of it.

[00:38:16]Okay.

[00:38:19]And we're going to do what we haven't done in a while. The pet of the week. I have chosen a pet of the week for this day.

[00:38:31]>> [music] >> and A's going to say you can go. I want to push through. I want to push through and I want to do the pet of the week.

[00:38:46]Today's pet of the week is screenshotted somewhere.

[00:38:54]Oh, wow.

[00:38:56]That is cool.

[00:38:59]Um, okay. So, I did screenshot it, but then I guess I put it away.

[00:39:15]Pet of the week. This is from a person named Briana.

[00:39:19]And Brianna said, "Hey, Miss Crystal.

[00:39:23]This is your dear friend and listener, Briana.

[00:39:28]I called, leaving a voicemail in order to share my two guinea pigs that are five and six years old. The black one is Daisy with multicolored and the multicolored one is Hammy. They would love to be featured on your program. Keep on keeping on. We love you. Best regards from Ontario, Canada. And I was just there and this is cute. We're going to put these pictures up there. I love guinea pigs. The sound that they make and their little teeth is cute. And we're going to put that picture up there.

[00:40:02]There's only one picture. Oh, I see him.

[00:40:05]He's in the background. Oh, look at him.

[00:40:07]He's got a little piece of grass in his mouth and he's eating. Oh, and then Briana sent me another email and said, "Oh, and I know you love kitties, so here's my little old lady."

[00:40:20]And I looked at it and I thought that's not a cat. That's also a guinea pig. And it's not. It's a cat. And look at her just sitting there outside. That is really cute.

[00:40:33]Damn. She looks really cute. She's got a beautiful face. The pet of the week is Did she say her name? You didn't say her name.

[00:40:46]I'm gonna say if this cat I think this cat looks like her name is Lucy.

[00:40:52]It looks like a Lucy, but we got Hammy and Daisy and we got Lucy from Briana and I appreciate you sending those in. Um I got a bunch of pet of the weeks when we first started doing it and now they're just trickling in. So, if you want to have your pet featured on pet of the week, send an email to crystal'sodcast [email protected].

[00:41:20]Enclose pictures and their names because I'm not going to say, "Oh, this is so and so and he's a Labrador retriever."

[00:41:32]People love their pets. I will say that.

[00:41:35]And the stuff that I will go through for my cat Annie are ridiculous. I buy her squares of sod so she could feel like she's sitting outside like this cat.

[00:41:48]That's exactly how Annie looks sitting in her square of sod and she sits on it. And the reason I know that is cuz I see her sit on it and also it's all indented.

[00:42:02]Gives her a little taste of the outdoors without being outdoors.

[00:42:10]Oh, I also have an email I wanted to read. Uh oh, we got an email here from Sean Shan Shelby. Nine out of 10 level of importance. That means it's pretty high.

[00:42:29]As I lay here in my bed so late in the night, I can't help but think about you, Miss Crystal.

[00:42:37]Okay. I've recently been let go from work. I was wondering if you had any advice and positive thoughts about moving forward. Sometimes when I realm travel, I hope to come across you one day. One day.

[00:42:53]Well, be blessed beyond your comprehension. No, Sean, you be blessed beyond your comprehension.

[00:43:00]um as far as being laid off.

[00:43:03]And this is what I would tell them straight to their face.

[00:43:07]You don't need them. Get you a different job that you like better.

[00:43:16]I know that's not easy and I'm making it seem easy, but they say, and I don't know if this is God who said this or the Bible, but someone said, "When one door closes, another one opens." And that's true.

[00:43:33]Maybe this people laying you off is a sign for you to get a better job that's more fun, has more money, maybe has more attractive people. Maybe the job that you got fired from, Sean, everybody there was really ugly.

[00:43:48]And that'd be sad if you had to go to work every day and there was nothing but ugos there.

[00:43:56]I'd go to HR. I'd be going to HR every day and saying, "Please hire attractive people. I don't want to come to work and look at all these ugly ass people all day.

[00:44:08]It's bad enough I have to come in here and do this boring eh job. Now you want me to sit over here and look at Susan who's got a beard?

[00:44:19]And I say that because I have my own beard. I'll never make some of someone else that I'll never make fun of someone else who has something different for me.

[00:44:28]If I'm going to make fun of a bearded lady, it's because I'm also a bearded lady.

[00:44:33]Look at it from the side.

[00:44:42]I appreciate you thinking about me at night, Sean. That really makes me happy.

[00:44:48]I like to think that a lot of men think about me [clears throat] at night.

[00:44:54]We also have good news from Steve. And I want to put my headphones in because I got to hear Steve's song.

[00:45:02]Oh.

[00:45:09]Miss Crystal, you're beautiful.

[00:45:13]You shine just like a star.

[00:45:17]You brighten up my Mondays [singing] by giving love [music] straight from your heart. You make me laugh. You make me dance.

[00:45:29]And you mean so much to me.

[00:45:33]Miss Crystal, [music] you are the sweetest podcast.

[00:45:41][music] I haven't listened to that in quite a while and I'm upset at myself.

[00:45:49]I got a email from Steve. Did we read this email from Steve where he gave us some good news?

[00:45:56]I can't remember. If if we did, I'm repeating it. I'm not going to read the whole thing, but basically Steve wrote to tell me, Steve, the singer and proprietor of that wonderful song that him and Juan got married. They eloped.

[00:46:15]Um, they said it was a beautiful day.

[00:46:18]The vows were special. Um, he did not think that love was in the cards for him, but it finally happened in his 50s.

[00:46:30]Oh, wow. Listen to this. Yesterday when we were at Walgreens, I [clears throat] met one of my favorite actors, [ __ ] Spacic. She lives in Charlottesville. I thought, well, that must be a sign to send you a voicemail of the country western version of the Miss Crystal song. Why?

[00:46:47]Because you wanted it to be country western and my favorite in that genre was Loretta Lynn and [ __ ] of course, starred in her biop biopic. That is true.

[00:46:59]I just wanted to share y'all. I'm going to put these up. The pictures of Juan and Steve getting married looks like on a cliff which could be dangerous.

[00:47:12]Might I suggest if you get eloped again, Steve and Juan, don't stand so close to the edge. It is very dangerous. I'm one that looks at safety a lot and I saw that picture of you standing very close to a large cliff and got very upset.

[00:47:32]So upset that I'm going to let Aiden play that song one more time and hit it.

[00:47:37][music] Miss Crystal, you're beautiful.

[00:47:48]You shine just like a star.

[00:47:52]You brighten up my Mondays [music] by giving love straight from your heart.

[00:48:00]You make me laugh. You make me dance.

[00:48:03][singing] And you mean so much to me.

[00:48:08]Miss Crystal, you are the sweetest podcast queen. [music] Damn, that was good. It almost made me want to start clapping, but I thought I'm the only person in here. That would be weird.

[00:48:27]Let us listen to some voicemails.

[00:48:31]I cannot believe how bad I got to go pee.

[00:48:36]I'm going to suffer through and probably pee in my pants.

[00:48:43]All righty. Let's Let's see what the listeners have to say today.

[00:48:54]>> Rock [ __ ] here. I just want to say I love you and I can't believe that uh you don't love Dave Gunther as much as I do.

[00:49:07]All right. Good for you.

[00:49:11]>> Well, thank you for your call. Um, what can I say? If you love Dave Gunther, that's good. Now, I do love Dave Gunther, but do I want to marry him? No.

[00:49:24]Am I sexually attracted to him? No.

[00:49:28]But thank you for calling.

[00:49:31]Let me listen to your name one more time.

[00:49:33]>> Hi, Miss Crystal. Rock [ __ ] here. I just want to say I love you.

[00:49:40]>> Now, I know your name is not Rockfucker.

[00:49:42]I know what a rock [ __ ] is.

[00:49:44]>> Hi.

[00:49:44]>> I'm thinking your name is Taylor. Like Taylor Swift who just got married. Thank you for your call.

[00:49:51]>> Hi, Miss Crystal. This is McKenna B from Texas. I have a question for you. I know you have realm traveled, but have you ever sleeptraveled? When I was a child, I used to sleepwalk everywhere. Oh god.

[00:50:03]>> At one point, I sleptw walk across the street. I was having a dream that I was going for a play date with my friend and I walked right up to her door of the night.

[00:50:13]>> I got to go pee. [laughter] >> I thought I could hold it, but I cannot.

[00:50:22]And I'm back. Had to use the restroom.

[00:50:26]Let's continue listening to this voicemail.

[00:50:29]What the hell?

[00:50:31]>> It's 2 a.m. and I went to go ring her doorbell. woke up from my dad walking across the street. Well, running across the street, let's be fair. Um, with his undies on, so definitely got some security in our house after that. Um, but I've also sleptw walk at friends houses. I've ended up in different rooms. I've ended up in my grandma's bed at her house. I've ended up everywhere.

[00:50:53]I fell out of my bed at one point, my bunk bed. I mean, I was just on a lot of journeys as a kid. And I'm curious, have you had any experience with sleepwalking? Thank you so much for taking my call, Miss Crystal. I love you so much and it was a joy seeing you and Tammy and even uh Mr. Derl at uh your show last month. So, I hope you have a wonderful day. It's so lovely to watch you every week on both programs. Trailer Tales is my fave and of course, Miss Crystal's program is right up there, too. So, have a good day. Love you. Bye.

[00:51:28]I feel like you you guys are going to think that I paid her to advertise all the podcasts I'm on and I didn't.

[00:51:35]And she had an interesting question.

[00:51:37]Have I ever sleptwalked?

[00:51:40]I'm going to be honest with you. I wouldn't know cuz I'm sleeping and there's nobody else, you know, in my bedroom with me to say, "Hey, you got up last night and peed in the corner." cuz I've heard about people being very drunk and going over to the corner and peeing because they think they're in the restroom. So, it's just me in my bedroom. Now, as far as going outside of my bedroom, I've never heard Tammy or Daryl say, "Hey, uh, you went outside last night and anytime I go outside, I'm awake."

[00:52:14]And if I'm asleep, I don't know I'm sleepwalking. How do people that are sleepwalking know they're sleepwalking?

[00:52:23]Because they're sleeping.

[00:52:29]That's very confusing. How do they know?

[00:52:32]I guess if you're sleepwalking and you wake up in the middle of the street, then you know you're sleepwalking. But if you sleepwalk out, do all these activities that you did, and then come back, you wouldn't know.

[00:52:48]That's crazy. Thank you for your call and your question. And um maybe I should put up a camera to see if I'm sleepwalking.

[00:52:57]>> What's this?

[00:52:57]>> Hello, Miss Crystal.

[00:52:58]>> Oh man, >> this is John from just down the roadways in Memphis.

[00:53:02]>> Oh, hi.

[00:53:02]>> Thank you so much for this podcast program and all that you do to make it happen. Uh all the work you put into it.

[00:53:09]And please thank Aiden for all the hard work he does behind the scenes to make it happen.

[00:53:14]>> And he said thank you. So, I'm letting he told me to let you know. I'm letting you know.

[00:53:18]>> I can't tell you how much I look forward to this every Monday. It is um the highlight of my week besides >> the other number one podcast you're part of.

[00:53:30]>> Yes.

[00:53:31]>> I wanted to call today because I miss hearing Steve's song. It is so good. Um and I have started singing it most days to our puppy Lucy. Um, and I will whatever day of the week it is, I'll change, you know, Monday to whatever day of the week it is. Um, I will say that instead of a beautiful podcast queen, she's a a beautiful puppy and you know, I will replace your name with her name throughout the song.

[00:54:06]>> And I was wondering if maybe any of your other Crystals crystals have done the same with this [clears throat] song. Um, I don't know if this is allowed. So, feel free to tweet this out, but if I could please ask your other crystal crystals to please comment below if they do the same thing with Steve songs and their pet, whatever it may be. U, thank you again so much, Miss Crystal. Love you and may you be blessed beyond your comprehension.

[00:54:37]>> Thank you.

[00:54:38]>> Why would I bleep that out? That's such a great way to engage. They want you to engage the audience and you did it for me and I appreciate that. Comment below if you use Steve's song and submit your pet's names. Hey Lucy, you beautiful. You shine just like a star.

[00:55:04]Oh, Aiden, you're beautiful. You can put anyone's name in there.

[00:55:11]I'd like to know, too. I just sing it with my name in it because I'm honored that Steve wrote me a song with my name in it. So, [clears throat] great question. And do as he says and tell us and then say, "Yes, I do this with my pet Alejandro or Frank."

[00:55:36]Miss Gracal, [clears throat] I am still looking for you.

[00:55:56][snorts] I'm not scared. Why would you say that?

[00:56:01]Why would you say, "Are you scared, Miss Crystal?" Cuz I'm not. I'm so not scared that I'm going to listen to it one more time.

[00:56:09]>> Miss [clears throat] Gracal, I am still looking for you.

[00:56:20]>> Okay, >> stop.

[00:56:24]>> That makes no sense. You said I think this what you said, Miss Crystal. I'm still looking for you. I'm I'm here.

[00:56:33]I've been here. You know where to find me.

[00:56:37]And guess what? Guess what caller? You won the call of the week because I'm gonna call you back. I want to see what's going on with you.

[00:56:46]Star 67.

[00:56:48][laughter] Guess what, caller? Spooky guy. You're about to get confronted.

[00:56:57]You going to call me and and try to talk and scare me. Guess who's going to scare you?

[00:57:03]Where is this phone number? Okay, guess what? You're about to have your day of reckoning.

[00:57:12][snorts] I bet you this. I bet you he ain't answering the phone cuz he's too much of a scaredy-cat. Oh, guess what? I just forgot to put star 67. That was going to be bad.

[00:57:37]Then I would have that spooky guy calling me at all hours of the night saying, "Miss Gres, I'm looking for you." Still >> sounding like Sue Dylan.

[00:57:50]You might be saying, "Why is it taking you so long?" Well, that's what happened.

[00:57:54]>> Hi. If you record your name and reason for calling, I'll see if this person is available.

[00:58:00]>> Hello. Hello. This is Miss Crystal from Miss Crystal's podcast returning your call. I'm trying to see why you called me and and said I'm still looking for you.

[00:58:14]>> Hello.

[00:58:17][sighs] >> I'm I'm so glad you picked up because I'm trying to figure out a mystery here.

[00:58:26]>> Oh, let me help you.

[00:58:28]My name is Crystal and I am with Miss Crystal's podcast program. And I received a call in my voicemail that was very spooky. Uh kind of sounded just like you.

[00:58:41]You. And the voice said, "Crystal, I'm looking for you. Now you know where to find me. If you're looking for me, I'm here. I always have been here and always will be." Oh, [groaning] you miss Christa.

[00:58:58][snorts] >> Okay. Um, would you mind if I just ask you a couple questions?

[00:59:04]>> Oh, please, please.

[00:59:06]>> Um, are you a living being or are you some sort of demonic creature or vampire?

[00:59:16]Uh, I am more the demonic type, but I travel around, you know.

[00:59:26]>> All right. So, what is your business that you want with me?

[00:59:32]>> Oh, we've met. You don't remember?

[00:59:34]>> I do. I do not remember. I'm so sorry.

[00:59:37]Probably >> in the realms. In the realms, >> we met.

[00:59:43]This is I'm going be >> this I'm gonna be honest. This is the first time that I have been outside of a realm and communicated with somebody that I was in a realm with. So, this is scaring me. Okay. This is terrifying me more than I've ever been terrified.

[01:00:03]>> But you gave me your number.

[01:00:05]>> I gave you It's kind of like a burner account. It's not my real number.

[01:00:11]Oh, I'm sorry.

[01:00:13]>> You know how sometimes when you meet a guy and they're very persistent like, "Let me get your digits." And you you don't want to give them your real phone number, so you give him >> I thought we were playing a game.

[01:00:23]>> Pardon?

[01:00:24]>> I thought we were playing a game. Like you were looking for me. I was looking for you.

[01:00:31]>> No, I was not playing any sort of game.

[01:00:34]Um, and quite frankly, I'm scared to death right now. And the there's two reasons. Earlier in this episode, I opened up a figurine that could possibly be haunted or demonic. And now I'm listening to voicemails from a gentleman that sounds like Satan himself.

[01:00:51]>> I'm a woman.

[01:00:54]>> You're a woman.

[01:00:56]>> I am.

[01:00:57]>> That changes absolutely everything.

[01:01:00]I feel safe.

[01:01:02]>> Oh, good. My name is Olivia.

[01:01:08]Well, nice to meet you, Olivia. Um, [clears throat] I'm sorry that I thought you were a guy.

[01:01:16]>> It's fine. It's fine.

[01:01:18]>> I mean, you >> changed voices as you know.

[01:01:22]>> You really have to excuse me because if I'm being honest, you sound like a demonic creature that is of the male descent.

[01:01:31]>> I'm so sorry. No, I get my period.

[01:01:38]monthly. [snorts] >> I haven't hit menopause yet.

[01:01:44]>> Well, I have and I I encourage you to do hormone replacement therapy. It might even soften your voice a little bit.

[01:01:52]>> Oh, that that sounds nice.

[01:01:56]>> Well, listen. I don't want to keep you.

[01:01:58]I know it sounds like you probably have other demonic things to do tonight, Olivia.

[01:02:02]>> I do. I do. I do. Um, please in the comments on YouTube, tell people that you're real because people are starting to think that I'm faking these phone calls. Tell them >> I have a little puppy as my picture.

[01:02:16]>> A little puppy? That's just That seems like something that a demonic figure named Olivia would do.

[01:02:23]>> Oh, no. She's very cute.

[01:02:26]>> What's the What's the little dog's name?

[01:02:29]>> Her name is Charlie.

[01:02:32]Charlie.

[01:02:33]>> Dad's a little girl.

[01:02:36]>> Now, when you say, "Charlie, come here.

[01:02:39]It's time for your meal." How does that sound?

[01:02:42]>> I say, "Come here, little girl. Mommy loves you.

[01:02:46]>> I've made you dinner."

[01:02:48]>> Oh, I'm'll be honest. If it was me, if I was that dog, I would have ran away years ago.

[01:02:54]>> Oh, no. She loves it. I put water up with her kibble and little carrots. Oh, that sounds lovely.

[01:03:02]>> She loves it. She's a little girl. Lumpy girl. She has little lumps. [laughter] >> It's just she has some sort of a I don't want to say tumor.

[01:03:13]>> She's so healthy. I think it's a cyst.

[01:03:16]>> Okay. So, just a word of caution. Don't pop it.

[01:03:21]>> Oh, no. No. I grab it sometimes.

[01:03:25]It's like my little cyst.

[01:03:27]>> Now, that is actually disgusting.

[01:03:30]>> [clears throat] >> Oh, I'm sorry.

[01:03:32]>> Um, but I do have to go.

[01:03:34]>> I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[01:03:35]>> I I'm paying Aiden by the hour, so I don't want to talk too long.

[01:03:39]>> I love you, Aiden, and I love your edits. You're amazing, Aiden.

[01:03:44]>> Aiden is over there. I've never seen him so scared. His face is white like he just painted his face with white paint.

[01:03:53]>> I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Aiden.

[01:03:57]>> He's shaking his head. Uh, yes. And no, he doesn't really know what to do. So, >> there we can. Goodbye, Aiden. Goodbye, Miss Crystal.

[01:04:05]>> Goodbye, honey. I love you.

[01:04:07]>> I love you.

[01:04:08]>> Byebye.

[01:04:09]>> Comment. I love you.

[01:04:10]>> Bye-bye.

[01:04:13]Wow. That's two weeks in a row we had someone answer. And that's the first time I've ever talked to a demon on the phone.

[01:04:25]That was really cool.

[01:04:30]And that tells that tells me, you know, they always say, do not judge a book by its cover.

[01:04:37]Don't judge a a demon by their voice.

[01:04:42]Because when I thought the demon was a man, very scared.

[01:04:49]Once I found out the demon's name was Olivia and that she was a woman, I wasn't as scared. I was a little scared.

[01:04:57]but not as scary as I was when I thought it was a man. And that's really a metaphor for all men. Uh because they are all uh violent criminals.

[01:05:13]I don't know how much time we have left, but I know I have time for Crystal's crystals [music] because we have a first commenter um from episode 44. And not only is this person named Elizabeth Gibson 221, but Elizabeth went ahead and sent me an email and said, "Hey, Miss Crystal, just want to let you know I was the number one commenter for 44 and uh 46."

[01:05:43]And she said she would give her second second one to someone else cuz I can send you two pictures, Elizabeth, but it's the same picture. I guess I could send you this one and another crystal one.

[01:05:59]Thank you for being the first commenter and you must have been up bright and early ready to comment.

[01:06:05]The YouTube uh Crystal Crystal is Nathan and the the name is NMS 404. When I think of 404, I think of the computer screen that's like 404. And back in the day, if you saw that on your computer screen, guess what? You're getting a new computer because that one's broken.

[01:06:29]And the uh Patreon Crystal Crystal this week is Irvine Bonell Jr. The reason I picked Irvine, I think it's Irvin.

[01:06:42]You don't run into juniors much anymore.

[01:06:44]You run into a lot of just Irvin Bonell, but not Irvin Bonell Juniors. Irvin Bonell seniors. Bonell seniors.

[01:06:56]You don't hear a junior anymore. And I think that's really a lost art is naming your child after your husband and slapping on the junior.

[01:07:09]Cuz people want their own names. They don't want their dad's name. They don't want to be a junior. and they don't want people always saying, "Junior, come here."

[01:07:19]And um I appreciate all the Crystal's crystals.

[01:07:23]Even if you're not named today or ever, you're still a Crystal's crystal. Even if you're a demon named Olivia, you're a Crystal's crystal. And you're beautiful and you shine like a star.

[01:07:41]You brighten up my Mondays.

[01:07:45]And I can't I can't remember lyrics unless I'm actively listening or singing to a song. And I'm going to take a thumbnail. All right. Thank you. [music] [music] >> [music] >> That is going to be really spooky. And with that, I tell you, thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time. My name is Crystal and I'm signing off. And may you be blessed beyond your comprehension.