Strangers and Brothers Ep. 13/13 (1080p) starring Shaughan Seymour, Cherie Lunghi (HD Upgrade)

Added: 2026-05-16

[00:00:07][music] Thank you.

[00:00:44]>> Got that well-known sinking feeling.

[00:00:46]>> Post holiday tresse.

[00:00:50]>> What do you suppose is waiting for us?

[00:00:53]>> Well, whatever it is standing here is not going to change it.

[00:00:58]>> True.

[00:01:01]The driver will help you up with the luggage. I'll go on ahead and find out the worst.

[00:01:29]Just like dump them there.

[00:01:33]>> Oh, hang on.

[00:01:38]>> Thank you.

[00:01:39]>> Thanks. Thank you. Bye-bye.

[00:01:40]>> Byebye.

[00:01:46]>> Yes. Yes. Thank you.

[00:01:54]What is it?

[00:01:59]>> His father.

[00:02:04]He's tried to kill himself.

[00:02:28]You see God's [music] own fool.

[00:02:34]>> I bet you've been rehearsing that.

[00:02:39]If one's got to the point of doing oneself in, the least one can do is to make a go of it.

[00:02:47]>> Oh, lots of people don't. Think of all those German officers in the bomb plot.

[00:02:52]They were trained to dispense death.

[00:02:55]>> I suppose you're simply here to collect copy for your next novel.

[00:03:00]>> That's right.

[00:03:01]>> Well, that's fair. I've always liked an audience.

[00:03:06]Why don't you let Margaret come?

[00:03:10]>> And you know how much she cares.

[00:03:12]>> Indeed I do.

[00:03:14]I couldn't be doing with that yet.

[00:03:19]>> What made you do it?

[00:03:21]>> What do you think?

[00:03:24]Sick and tired of being an invalid.

[00:03:27]It's only a question of time before another heart attack finishes me off.

[00:03:34]I got tired of waiting for it. Simple as that. Tried to get on with it. And look at me now.

[00:03:43]Ironic, isn't it?

[00:03:45]>> Just a bit.

[00:03:47]>> Anyway, Margaret wouldn't have wanted to come. She's prudish about death.

[00:03:53]Extraordinary thing to be prudish about.

[00:03:58]>> He's quite wrong. You know >> I'm not prudish.

[00:04:06]>> Oh that >> I have an appetite for living.

[00:04:11]But that's different.

[00:04:13]>> Yes.

[00:04:16]>> I'm torn by tenderness.

[00:04:20]Painful tenderness mixed up with nothing but anger.

[00:04:24]>> More like that with them children when they might be doing themselves harm. Am I?

[00:04:32]>> Yes.

[00:04:35]>> No.

[00:04:38]I don't know. All I know is I can't help feeling angry when my father attempts to commit suicide and then talks about it as if it were an interesting event.

[00:04:51]What can I do for him?

[00:04:55]There's nothing I can do.

[00:05:18]Stop.

[00:05:31]Big go.

[00:05:47]Hello, Father >> Carlo. This is an unexpected pleasure.

[00:05:52]>> Down from Cambridge for the demo at the American Embassy. The clan gathered here.

[00:05:56]>> Evidently.

[00:05:57]>> Don't say it.

[00:05:58]>> Say what?

[00:05:59]>> You and your friends use this place like an hotel. I >> wasn't going to say anything of the sort. Good.

[00:06:05]>> Oh, gone off, please. I don't mind telling you.

[00:06:07]>> Mind you, you do.

[00:06:09]>> What?

[00:06:09]>> Use this place like a hotel.

[00:06:11]>> All right. Our lifestyles are different.

[00:06:12]>> And say that again.

[00:06:14]>> Yours is as obsolete as Jane Austin's, you know.

[00:06:16]>> Well, I wouldn't have thought it was totally archaic to acknowledge hospitality. But >> just because my friends aren't into bread and butter letters.

[00:06:21]>> Well, on the rare occasion of the do bring themselves to put bar at a postcard, they can't seem to manage to address me as anything except Louiswis Elliot to sell.

[00:06:26]>> What of it?

[00:06:27]>> It's the principle of the thing.

[00:06:28]>> And you a socialist? Shame on you.

[00:06:31]>> Good god, boy. When I was your age and younger, I used to clamor for the freedoms which have more or less come true for you. You and your friends go in for enclave making every bit as much as the bourgeois your habit of sponge off.

[00:06:41]>> I've seen things you couldn't dream of >> at my expense.

[00:06:44]>> Very well.

[00:06:45]>> Not that I begrudge that.

[00:06:46]>> But you do.

[00:06:48]You do.

[00:06:54]>> Fathers and sons.

[00:06:57]There you go.

[00:07:02]What were you really angry about?

[00:07:05]>> That rag of yours.

[00:07:08]>> Well, they don't like you much, do they?

[00:07:10]>> Well, that doesn't matter. The ball of it is they say that Francis has just turned down a post in the government.

[00:07:14]>> Francis, get this.

[00:07:15]>> Yes. What's worse is that they say that the same offer will soon be made to me.

[00:07:20]If the prime minister was thinking of asking me, he probably won't now.

[00:07:23]>> What's the job?

[00:07:25]>> Minister of State in charge of nuclear negotiations. Disengagement.

[00:07:30]>> That's the objective.

[00:07:32]>> Do you want it?

[00:07:34]>> If I did pull it off, it would make sense of a lot of my life.

[00:07:38]>> Oh, the best you can hope for are cosmetic changes.

[00:07:40]>> Nah, you people want to change the world overnight.

[00:07:42]>> We've got a lot of lost time to catch up.

[00:07:46]But then you've always been a member of the establishment, haven't you? But too much to expect you to turn down the ultimate reward for that.

[00:07:53]>> Your mother's dead against it.

[00:07:54]>> What am I dead against?

[00:07:58]Carlo. Hello.

[00:08:02]>> Lovely to see you.

[00:08:03]>> Hello, Mark.

[00:08:06]>> Staying to supper.

[00:08:07]>> Thanks. But I better be getting back.

[00:08:10]I've got an essay to finish, not to mention start by tomorrow morning.

[00:08:14]>> Oh, well, it's up to you.

[00:08:18]>> Grandpa sends his love.

[00:08:19]>> Well, how is he?

[00:08:21]>> Not too bad.

[00:08:23]>> No.

[00:08:25]What am I dead against?

[00:08:28]>> I have taken this job in the government.

[00:08:30]Always assuming I'm offered it.

[00:08:31]>> Yes, I am.

[00:08:32]>> Why?

[00:08:33]>> No serious man can have anything to do with politics.

[00:08:36]>> You sound just like grandfather.

[00:08:37]>> Bloomsbury group has a lot to answer for.

[00:08:39]>> Lewis, you do know that I really hope this doesn't happen.

[00:08:44]>> You do know that, don't you?

[00:08:46]>> Only too well.

[00:09:05]attack.

[00:09:19]Well, It's exactly what we expected.

[00:09:30]>> Yes, that's what I was afraid of.

[00:09:32]>> What's the matter?

[00:09:34]>> I don't want you to make a mistake.

[00:09:38]>> Do you think I've already decided to take the job?

[00:09:42]>> Haven't you?

[00:09:43]>> No, I haven't. Do you want a drink?

[00:09:47]>> Yes, please.

[00:09:49]I've asked for, obtained 48 hours to think about it.

[00:09:54]>> You've always laughed at other people who went into that kind of proarication.

[00:09:58]>> What do you mean?

[00:09:59]>> You said they were enjoying the situation or buying time to rationalize a decision they'd already made.

[00:10:05]>> Well, nine times out of 10, that's the case.

[00:10:07]>> But you're the exception.

[00:10:08]>> Yes.

[00:10:12]>> You're on a hiding to nothing. This country isn't even independent and earning its own living. How can it possibly have an independent foreign policy? Oh, >> I don't accept that the windows of public hope are blacked out to that extent.

[00:10:25]>> I know you're on shaky ground when you go for that kind of rhetoric.

[00:10:30]Besides, you're a writer now. You've got what, 10 more productive years at the most. Can you really afford to fritter them away on a lost cause like this?

[00:10:41]>> Do you really want to get mixed up in that world again?

[00:10:44]>> I think I do. For God's sake, why?

[00:10:46]>> OH, I KNOW. JUST FOR FUN, THE SHARE HELL of it. Out of spontaneity.

[00:10:51]As a matter of fact, I'd have liked to fight a bi-election. That's not something a government with a majority of three can contemplate. As it is, I should enjoy making speeches from the dispatch box and the lords.

[00:11:02]If you really love me, you back me up.

[00:11:08]I love you and I'd admire you in so many ways.

[00:11:15]I'd like to admire you totally, but this it all seems unbelievably commonplace and vulgar.

[00:11:24]>> Well, in your sense, I am vulgar.

[00:11:26]>> I won't have that.

[00:11:28]>> You mean I'm not superior to the people around us? Of course, I'm vulgar.

[00:11:30]>> Don't want you to behave like them, that's all.

[00:11:33]>> Why not?

[00:11:34]>> Because this isn't real, as you know perfectly well. It isn't going to be of any use.

[00:11:41]And if it were anyone else, you'd be the first to say so.

[00:11:47]>> Suggest we leave it there for tonight.

[00:12:02]>> Beef. All right. Excellent. Could be a bit rarer for my taste. Still, >> I enjoyed your last novel, Sir Lewis.

[00:12:12]>> Oh, thank you.

[00:12:14]>> Not that I'm any judge, Marcio.

[00:12:16]>> The only book my father had in the house was the Bible I came to reading late in life. Still, I know what I like.

[00:12:24]>> That's the great thing.

[00:12:28]>> Are you going into the government?

[00:12:32]>> Now, what gave you that idea? I've got my spies.

[00:12:37]>> Besides, now that Gatliff's turned it down, there can't be more than three or four fit for the short list.

[00:12:42]>> Not the same as getting an offer.

[00:12:45]>> By which I take you to mean you haven't accepted yet.

[00:12:51]>> Sorry, sis. I don't mean to embarrass you. Of course, I don't.

[00:12:54]>> And don't assume things.

[00:12:55]>> I'm going to just for the sake of argument because there's something I want to tell you very seriously.

[00:13:04]I hope you realize that I admire you, >> but I happen to be on my home ground over this. You see, I know how MPs feel when someone from outside is brought into the government.

[00:13:17]It wouldn't do you any good. Anyone who admired you would have to tell you to think twice.

[00:13:24]It's a mistake for anyone to go into politics from the outside. It's a mistake for anyone to take a job in the government unless he's a member of parliament, particularly this job.

[00:13:39]There are plenty of us in the commons who'd give our eye teeth for it.

[00:13:45]>> I beg you to think of that.

[00:14:24]I'm sorry I'm a little late.

[00:14:31]>> On the contrary, it was I who was excessively punctual. My dear Luc, it's far far too long since I had the pleasure of seeing you. I trust you're well.

[00:14:40]>> Well enough, thank you.

[00:14:41]>> And your enchanting lady wife >> in excellent health.

[00:14:43]>> I'm delighted to hear.

[00:14:44]>> You're looking remarkably fit yourself.

[00:14:45]Oh, >> how very, very kind of you to say so.

[00:14:49]Truth be told, I [snorts] recently returned from the Italian lakes.

[00:14:57]>> It's remarkable, isn't it?

[00:14:59]>> Very, this job, what do you think?

[00:15:04]>> I should be obliged if you give me a few more details. Not that they're likely to affect the issue, but I am remarkably out of things.

[00:15:18]Which department would this supernumeary minister be attached to?

[00:15:23]>> Selvis.

[00:15:26]>> As you know, I always found the arrangement the last lot made somewhat difficult to justify in terms of reason.

[00:15:33]I can't help thinking with all due difference that your friends are even worse, if possible, in that respect.

[00:15:44]So this um this minister would have a small private office and otherwise rely on the department.

[00:15:56]A floating personal appointment.

[00:15:59]>> It's about the size of it.

[00:16:04]>> That's very simple.

[00:16:07]But not to touch it. Well, that's pretty definite. Would you care to elucidate?

[00:16:15]>> You're not immortal. You ought to remember that.

[00:16:19]Granted, that no doubt unfortunate fact.

[00:16:23]You've better things to do.

[00:16:59]May I help you? Fat Lewis Elling. Oh, yes, sir. Lewis, don't forget lift up the guest room for you. I'll show you, please.

[00:17:06]>> I can't find my way. As you wish, sir.

[00:17:11]>> His lordship said to say that he would look for you before the first sitting in hall.

[00:17:14]>> Thank you.

[00:18:22]Too many ghosts.

[00:18:25]>> Yes.

[00:18:27]All right. Calbert, Vernon Rice, Uncle Arthur.

[00:18:35]All gone now.

[00:18:40]the fine friend you turn out to be, my fellow survivor.

[00:18:47]>> They've offered you the job that I turned down.

[00:18:50]>> They have indeed.

[00:18:53]>> Well, what about it?

[00:18:56]>> Well, I'm inclined to think that I would give the same answer that you did.

[00:19:01]>> I don't want to persuade you either way.

[00:19:05]There aren't that many people who could do the job. Wasn't right for me.

[00:19:11]Miraculously, I'm having a sort of Indian summer here.

[00:19:16]Also, I knew I couldn't make it work.

[00:19:20]Whether you might be able to or even whether you want to try, I just don't know.

[00:19:29]I think I probably ought to turn it down.

[00:19:35]I just don't know for you.

[00:19:38]Whatever you do, you'll be extremely cross with yourself for not doing the opposite, won't you?

[00:19:48]That's true.

[00:20:26]Hello.

[00:20:28]>> This is nothing to do with you, Carly.

[00:20:30]It's entirely about me.

[00:20:32]>> What have you done now?

[00:20:34]>> Oh, nothing very sensational.

[00:20:38]I'm just about to send off a letter refusing that government job.

[00:20:42]>> Good God.

[00:20:46]>> I suppose it would have been different if you'd been a Russian or an American >> perhaps.

[00:20:52]>> Still, it isn't every day one turns down any kind of job at that level, is it?

[00:20:57]Still capable of surprising us, aren't you?

[00:21:00]>> That wasn't my chief motivation.

[00:21:01]>> Oh, for Christ's sake.

[00:21:03]>> I don't mind telling you I was sorely tempted. for all the wrong reasons, I'd dare say. And even the illusion of power is very seductive. But the things that I believe in, I've got to fight for independently. To join a team now can only blunt my edge and muddle my voice.

[00:21:18]>> I take it this is the end of the line for you.

[00:21:21]>> It must be.

[00:21:22]>> It was never very central though, was it?

[00:21:25]>> I honestly don't know. My generation couldn't help being involved.

[00:21:31]At least that for me wasn't a whole story.

[00:21:34]I've always had more than an interest and less than a passion for politics. I suppose all my life I've been a fascinated observer.

[00:21:43]Open politics, closed politics, politics of small groups where person acts upon person.

[00:21:50]Saw it at the bar.

[00:21:52]Saw it in whiteall.

[00:21:54]I saw it perhaps in its purest form here because college society answers to no one but itself.

[00:22:01]must be much the same in more pre- potent groups such as the the Vatican or the Polit Bureau.

[00:22:08]>> You know as much about it as anyone. I mean that as a compliment, but I also think and hope that closed politics are becoming less significant now.

[00:22:20]>> I'd have said the same at your age. And I don't mean to be patronizing. I'd have been flat wrong.

[00:22:23]>> I hear you.

[00:22:25]But for my generation, open politics are the only hope. They must be.

[00:22:31]What we need is a lenin of the affluent society. Someone who can make its life seem worthwhile.

[00:22:39]It may not be possible yet, but someone has to try.

[00:22:53]Well, I've done it.

[00:22:58]Turn it down.

[00:23:05]>> Well, I must say I thought you'd be a bit more pleased about it.

[00:23:13]>> Father had another stroke.

[00:23:16]>> How bad?

[00:23:19]>> He died in the night.

[00:23:22][laughter] >> Oh, my love.

[00:23:29]>> [crying] >> God will show us the path of life. His presence is the fullness of joy.

[00:23:38]>> Unto him that is able to keep us from falling and to present us faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy.

[00:23:47]To the only wise God, our savior, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, [music] both now and ever.

[00:24:01]Amen.

[00:24:33]Thank you, father.

[00:24:36]It was good of you to give that production line a briefly human face.

[00:24:41]>> Yes, I fear there is something distressingly mechanical about crematoria.

[00:24:48]>> Wouldn't be so bad if the mechanics were less obtrusive or more efficient.

[00:24:52]>> Still, grandfather be the last person to care what happened to his mortal remains.

[00:24:56]>> You're wrong.

[00:24:59]His will specifically asked that he should be cremated.

[00:25:02]Yes, but that was because he imagined a Viking funeral, don't you think? Or a burning gat by the side of the Ganges or woods and maragolds and priests in saffron colored robes.

[00:25:16]Say what you like about the undeveloped countries. They know how to dignify death.

[00:25:20]>> Pity of it is they don't allow an equal dignity to life.

[00:25:23]>> I wouldn't have said we'd give them much encouragement. Give or take the odd Oxfam handout.

[00:25:28]>> Stop it.

[00:25:29]>> Yes, Carlo. This is neither the time nor the place to air our differences.

[00:25:38]It's never the time or the place.

[00:27:05]Just look up at the ceiling for me and look to the left and down and to the right.

[00:27:25]Thank you.

[00:27:27]You can sit up now.

[00:27:34]There's no doubt, I'm afraid, the weapon has detached itself again.

[00:27:39]Bad luck is what I don't understand is why there wasn't any indication or warning the last time I examined you less than a month ago.

[00:27:48]Well, we shall have to try and make a better go of it this time. Oh, >> look, Christopher, you went through all this three years ago. Is it really worthwhile doing it all again?

[00:27:56]>> Well, all I can give you is medical advice, but anyone in my place would tell you the same. You ought to have another operation.

[00:28:03]>> I can't give him much sight, though, can it?

[00:28:05]>> Well, a little sight's better than none.

[00:28:10]This sounds callous, I know, but there's a finite chance the other eye might go.

[00:28:15]Now, if it did and you'd only got left what you had this morning in a bad eye, well, you could get around. It wouldn't be cut off.

[00:28:25]>> I couldn't read.

[00:28:27]I'm not pretending it would be pleasant.

[00:28:29]But you could see people. We could even look at TV.

[00:28:34]I assure you, Celeste, I've got patients who'd give a lot for even that amount of sight.

[00:28:39]>> I'm afraid he's right.

[00:28:42]Would you like to discuss it?

[00:28:44]>> No.

[00:28:44]>> Together.

[00:28:46]>> Intellectually, you're right.

[00:28:49]>> Let's get it over with.

[00:28:57]>> If you wouldn't mind, Lady Elliot, we ought to do some routine tests.

[00:29:00]>> Yes, of course.

[00:29:03]>> Bye-bye, darling.

[00:29:04]>> Bye-bye.

[00:29:07]>> Last time you were quite lucid by early evening. I'll call in tomorrow for a chat before dinner.

[00:29:12]Bye-bye.

[00:29:13]>> Bye-bye.

[00:29:20]>> After nurse cartridges checked your blood pressure, I'm going to prepare your eyelid for the operation.

[00:29:26]I >> see why I have to have both my eyes blacked out before they operate.

[00:29:30]>> So as to give the retina a chance to settle under gravity. If the good eyes working, the other can't rest. Mr. Manel's very liberal. Some surgeons still insist on having sandbags either side of the head so that it stays quite still for a fortnight.

[00:29:57]>> I'm just going to give you an injection in your hand.

[00:30:01]>> Right.

[00:30:04]>> Morning everybody.

[00:30:05]>> Morning. Everything all right?

[00:30:07]>> Fine then. Go.

[00:30:12]>> Morning.

[00:30:12]>> Morning.

[00:30:14]>> Yeah.

[00:30:17]Soon be over.

[00:30:52]Christopher, the pulse has stopped.

[00:30:56]>> System at the time.

[00:30:57]>> 8:20.

[00:30:58]>> Let's cut this.

[00:31:10]>> 15 seconds.

[00:31:12][snorts] 30 seconds.

[00:31:25]Nothing yet.

[00:31:33]Going to have to get it as hot from the inside.

[00:31:36]Take it on. 45 chest knife system.

[00:31:48]Darling, >> darling.

[00:32:02]All is well.

[00:32:06]>> Why are you here?

[00:32:08]>> I just dropped in.

[00:32:11]Is it the evening?

[00:32:13]>> No, it isn't tea time yet.

[00:32:17]>> Said you'd come in the evening.

[00:32:20]>> I know. I just thought I'd like to see you earlier.

[00:32:28]Lime juice.

[00:32:30]>> I'm sorry it isn't here.

[00:32:34]>> Why isn't happening? Everything's all right.

[00:32:43]>> This is in my room.

[00:32:48]Operation's over. All's well.

[00:32:50]>> Why aren't I in my room? We're just going to take you back.

[00:32:57]Just doing.

[00:32:59]Just a test.

[00:33:01]For your blood pressure for routine.

[00:33:07]>> Everything's all right.

[00:33:11]Everything is not all right.

[00:33:14]It's gone wrong.

[00:33:17]There's nothing to worry about now. But your heart stopped beating for a while during surgery.

[00:33:26]>> Oh, happened towards the end of the operation.

[00:33:31]>> How long for?

[00:33:34]>> Between 2 and a half and 3 minutes.

[00:33:39]You tell them the truth. You do tell the truth.

[00:33:46]>> Now you know.

[00:33:49]>> Yes.

[00:33:53]>> I bring you back no news from the other side.

[00:34:19]Right.

[00:34:21]Good.

[00:34:23]This has been an unusual experience, isn't it? It's a bit of an understatement. I'm afraid we haven't the slightest idea why it happened. It was simply a freak.

[00:34:32]>> Freak which might have been mildly conclusive.

[00:34:35]>> Yes, it might. But it's now well under control. I don't know how much Christopher's told you.

[00:34:40]>> Not much.

[00:34:41]>> Well, I think you should know. He tried to start the heart again with external massage. That didn't work. And he decided, and he was perfectly right. But he hadn't much time to spare. So, he did it from the inside. Fortunately, although he's an eye man, he's quite a competent surgeon.

[00:34:58]got a certain amount of faith in him, you know.

[00:35:01]>> So, you should have.

[00:35:04]>> Now, I want you to listen to something else. This kind of experience could harm a good many people. You have to be pretty robust to take it in your stride.

[00:35:13]Physically, you're absolutely all right.

[00:35:15]>> I guarantee that.

[00:35:16]>> But psychologically, this is going to call for as much toughness as you can find.

[00:35:21]You better put it behind you straight away today.

[00:35:25]Believe me.

[00:35:30]This has been a curious experience.

[00:35:37]>> You don't remember anything about it, do you?

[00:35:40]>> Well, I wasn't exactly at my most lucid.

[00:35:42]>> But you don't remember anything?

[00:35:46]>> Would you expect me to?

[00:35:48]>> Please don't be afraid of worrying me. I am interested. You know, you see, most believers would be pretty certain to say that you hadn't really been dead. They would tell you that the brain has to die as well as the heart stopping before the body is truly dead.

[00:36:05]And until the body is truly dead, then the soul can't leave it.

[00:36:09]>> Those are just words.

[00:36:11]>> They don't mean much more to me than they do to you. But then my mind is naturally racco.

[00:36:18][laughter] body memory this mortal life exists in time and space and come to an end with death. The spirit exists outside that.

[00:36:30]So to talk of a beginning or an end or an afterlife, those are only metaphors which we have to use because our minds are primitive.

[00:36:38]>> Well, I can only engage with you about memory.

[00:36:42]>> Very well.

[00:36:44]Then I should like to believe that some part of memory was attached to the spirit and so didn't have to perish.

[00:36:54]That is why with more hope than expectation I wanted to cross question you.

[00:36:58]>> No, I'm sure that memory is a function of the body. When the brain dies, memory dies.

[00:37:04]Now if the spirit whatever that means exists outside space and time or memory can't what possible kind of spiritual existence could that be by definition we can't imagine it because we are limited by our own categories but sometimes we seem to have intuitions.

[00:37:26]Perhaps that suggests that some kind of remembrance isn't as limited as we are.

[00:37:31]You're a very honest man which will never give up that tow of hope, will you?

[00:37:35]>> Do you deny the mystical experience?

[00:37:37]>> No, I don't.

[00:37:38]>> But that's different from trying to accept the kind of interpretation you're trying to put on it.

[00:37:44]>> As a matter of fact, my temperament's quite simple. Could hardly be a parish priest if it wasn't.

[00:37:51]>> How do you get on with the other three last things?

[00:37:55]Judgment, heaven, and hell.

[00:37:58]>> Are you playing according to the rules?

[00:38:01]I can recognize theological terms without subscribing to them. I do place heaven and hell like the spirit outside space and time and judgment, too.

[00:38:14]I'd rather a a new view for believers to have to swallow.

[00:38:19]I expect you'd prefer me to place them all in your own world, wouldn't you? I'm not sure that would be an improvement, you know. But if you like, I will say that you have made your own heaven and hell in your own life.

[00:38:37]As for judgment, you're capable of delivering that upon yourself.

[00:38:44]I hope you show as much mercy as we shall all need in the end.

[00:38:52]>> In that same second, I I felt something go in my brain.

[00:38:58]>> It's an old symptom.

[00:39:01]This time it's different.

[00:39:04]>> How exactly?

[00:39:10]I felt something go in my brain. Truly, I did.

[00:39:17]Told I must go on. Why?

[00:39:22]You're all I've got.

[00:39:24]You're all I've got.

[00:39:28]>> How dare you spend 6 months hiding from me the fact that your wife committed suicide.

[00:39:34]You're wonderful with people who don't matter.

[00:39:38]But you'll break the heart of anyone who loves you.

[00:39:42]I might be able to stand it. I I might not even mind that so much if you weren't doing yourself that harm.

[00:39:50]>> Quite enough.

[00:40:07]You know, if I've been given the option, I should have chosen to eliminate the first half of my life and try again.

[00:40:15]That's for the second. Well, I think I'd give myself the benefit of the doubt.

[00:40:21]I give you the benefit of the doubt from the very beginning.

[00:40:23]>> Well, it's because you have a higher sense of what life ought to be than I have.

[00:40:27]>> No, I can accept more when things go wrong.

[00:40:31]>> Lying here, it's it's impossible to regret one's own experience.

[00:40:38]I can't dwell on remorse.

[00:40:41]It's as though the themes of a lifetime wear themselves out, but we aren't left empty.

[00:40:51]yet a new or transformed lease of existence or restricted perhaps but but more concentrated because of that >> for instance.

[00:41:03]>> Well, in full health I I dismissed the first theme of my life.

[00:41:07]>> Your preoccupation with politics.

[00:41:08]>> That decision was final. No doubt about it.

[00:41:12]But now I can imagine not having to play the chess game of politics in any shape or form.

[00:41:18]But if if a cause or or even a whim impels me, raising my voice with a freedom which I've never known before.

[00:41:30]>> Oh, my darling. And I was afraid you were still hankering after that job.

[00:41:37]>> Something similar is true of the second scene. My attempts to shut out human solitess with various kinds of love, sexual love.

[00:41:48]parental love.

[00:41:51]Well, they're reshaping themselves into something new, something I couldn't foresee.

[00:41:59]I mean, I have no idea how I shall be reacting to you and Charles in 10 years time.

[00:42:03]>> That's not distressing.

[00:42:05]>> No, it's curiously exciting.

[00:42:09]Almost as though I was young again. I mean, having to learn with a sense of surprise ahead.

[00:42:17]what a human relationship could be.

[00:42:21]>> Go on.

[00:42:23]>> Well, third, we're all alike in so many ways, but we're unique in our solitude.

[00:42:33]I've been confronted by Milo since the operation more than all my life before.

[00:42:38]It's astonished me.

[00:42:41]But it's also left me with a sense of change.

[00:42:48]The kind of perplexed delight for which I was totally unprepared.

[00:42:53]Well, somehow that was a delight, too.

[00:42:56]Almost as though I'd seen a horizon wide open in front of my eyes.

[00:43:03]>> It's not given to many of us to have a preview of our own death.

[00:43:06]>> No, but I think you've always known what has taken me so long to learn.

[00:43:10]We make ends and shapes and patterns in our minds.

[00:43:16]But we don't live our lives like that.

[00:43:19]>> We couldn't.

[00:43:21]The force inherent in our lives is stronger and more untidy than anything we can tell ourselves about it.

[00:43:27]>> I have been as nearly alone as any human being can be.

[00:43:32]I'd often imagine what it would be like to die.

[00:43:36]But what I couldn't have imagined is that like it or not, one is propelled by a process of renewal or hope or or will that isn't in the strictest sense one's own?

[00:43:55]>> Is that a consolation?

[00:43:58]>> Not sure.

[00:44:02]It is, I think, perhaps more humbling than otherwise.

[00:44:06]Though it takes the edge of some kinds of suffering, also takes the edge of some kinds of conceit, one still has to think about it because and this perhaps is a consolation or even a fighting shout because one is I am alive.

[00:44:42]>> My darling, >> settle me down before you leave.

[00:44:57]>> Are you not anxious about coming home?

[00:44:59]>> No, not tonight.

[00:45:06]I'm sure all those old anxieties will revive.

[00:45:11]It's the price one pays for the self will not die.

[00:45:17]This wasn't an end.

[00:45:22]There will be other times when I shall go to sleep.

[00:45:27]Looking forward to tomorrow.

[00:45:33]Good night, my love.

[00:45:37]Good night, my darling.

[00:46:38]Thank you.

[00:46:54]Come on.

[00:47:56]Hallelujah.