The Meaning of Life and also thoughts on dissociation

Added: 2026-06-07

[00:00:09]I think I like to ask myself like philosophical questions. And not that I'm a philosopher or probably even have good takes, but I have always liked to do this ever since I was a kid.

[00:00:26]And I just like the process of sitting and thinking and like not doing anything productive. Um and I think one of the questions that I always used to ask myself as a kid when I was like I want to sit and have a deep conversation with myself was the most classic of all deep questions which is what is the meaning of life?

[00:00:48]Um, big question and I think, you know, there's a lot of ways to answer that question for sure. But something that I been thinking about lately is I think obviously the meaning of life rests a lot in like what is your purpose, right? And I think is this recording?

[00:01:18]Oh, it is recording. Your purpose is maybe a lot more simple than like you can start to you can start to like believe that it is. Like I I think it's very simple. I think like I think human beings are sensors like hyper complicated sensors. Think about it. You are the most complicated of sensor. like you're capable of perceiving things beyond like taste and touch and smell and and sight. You're capable of like interpreting like these complex emotions that are sometimes like wow I say like a lot that are sometimes beyond words even. Um how cool is that? How cool is that? I mean I think and that's why we make that's why we make art. That's why we write. That's why we make music. That's why we do these things because we're such complicated sensors that we literally can feel things that are like beyond our ability to communicate and we're such good communicators as humans too. Um I think and so if you if you look at life through that lens um it becomes so much more simple. It's like your task is to go out and like touch touch the world and like see the world and feel the world and interpret it through your own sensor. That's something I've been thinking about like how cool is that?

[00:02:50]We're just these hyper complicated sensors.

[00:02:53]And I think when you remind that I I have a lot of problems with dissociation and like feeling super not present. Um, and so, so thinking like this, thinking like I am a sensor, right? Like it immediately brings you back into your body in this way that's so so [ __ ] cool. Um, to kind of like change this a little bit and talk about um, derealization and like dissociation. Um, I think that that's a thing that like I think that's a thing that actually affects people who who feel the most who actually are like used to feeling the most alive. I think that there are people who are more like in a state of awe than other people. Um, and there's no there's nothing wrong about not being that or being that, right? But I just think that's there's different kinds of people in the world.

[00:03:50]But I do think the people who are more prone to being in a state of awe are ironically also the same people who are more prone to like derealization, dissociation. Um, and I think it's because that feeling is so upsetting to someone who is used to feeling so sharply. Um, I think that and I think dissociation is one of those things where like the more you notice it, the worse it gets, right?

[00:04:19]um because you start to get to yourself like you get you get more in your head the more you're aware of the fact that you're dissociated and you get more dissociated. So I think ironically if you're a person who is more upset by that feeling of not being present you are also the sort of person who is more likely to not be present because you're going to obsess over it. It's an interesting interesting thought and I think I think that same logic goes for people who feel depressed um people who are prone to depression. I think I think that those are often the people who are the most in love with life. Um, and this is something that I heard somewhere. I don't want to take credit for that for that idea, but I it really resonated with me. I think I think it's incredibly true. I think um the more in love with life you are, the more the more aware you are that it is passing. Um, for me, I know that that is like ever since I was a kid been the thing that causes me to get depressed is just like the awareness that it's passing and like that experiences are like never going to happen again. And that always like makes my heart ache um, ever since I was a kid. And I think some people are just more prone to the like strangeness and disturbingness of that reality than other people. I think some people kind of don't notice it as much.

[00:05:43]And I think the people who do notice it, they notice it because they are so in love with life. Like I and like in love with life is obviously a phrase that has really kind of lost its meaning. But like if you think about what it means to be like in love with a person to like notice every detail of them and like their smell and like their little mannerisms and the the way the light hits their eyes and like all these little things. I think that if you really think about what that means like to actually be in love with life to feel that same in love like romantic feeling for just like the world around you, the people around you, the animals around you, the the plants around you, right? Like I think I think artists often are those people and I think that's why we get so many depressed artists. Um because they do they love they love they're in love with all these things and so it's so painful that it's fleeting.

[00:06:42]Um, I don't even remember where I started this whole this whole rant, but I I think it's very I think it's very interesting and I think that, you know, because those things are connected when you realize that it kind of puts the power back into your hands. You're like, cuz it's easy to start to feel like broken, you know, it's like, oh, there's something something wrong with me. I can't I can't be present. I can't be in the moment. I can't feel I can't feel like a sensor. That's where I started this. Um, but I think that once you realize it's because you actually love that so much, because you actually love life so much, because you actually are so appreciative of the moments that you're in, that's why it's hard sometimes, and that's why you get depressed, and that's why you get, you know, dissociated. Um, yeah, it's because you're so so in love with life.

[00:07:31]Um, yeah. But yeah, I I think the whole like being a sensor thing, it just like simplifies everything. Just like go out there and [ __ ] be just like sense like it's so cool. It it automatically puts you in the mindset of an artist and like it makes it makes you want to make and it makes you want to capture and it makes you want to or it makes you want to just be. And I think those things are all kind of in the same the same world.

[00:07:59]But those are my thoughts. I'm sitting on rocks that are shaped like this right now, which is super comfy. So I'm going to go. But those are my thoughts. Okay.