Is it the SLIPPERS??

[00:00:00]My neighbor told me that I'm not allowed to wear my pajamas outside in front of her husband in my own damn yard.

[00:00:08]Yes, the woman from bikini top gate, her. Before 9:00 a.m. I'm out here trying to water my flowers, collecting my mail, looking exactly how every millennial woman looks before 9:00 a.m.

[00:00:19]You know what I'm saying? Hair has absolutely not seen a brush, just trying to keep these babies alive. And I notice peeping Tom right over there. You know, that man is always outside. I don't know if he's pressure washing, inspecting grass growth, conducting neighborhood surveillance, or training for the Olympics of minding everyone else's damn business, but he's there.

[00:00:39]He's actually looking at me right now.

[00:00:41]Suddenly, Miss Martha starts flailing her arms at me saying, "No, no, no, no, no." Now, given our history, I did not think that there was an emergency at this point in time. No.

[00:00:52]She marches over and informs me that I should respect other people's marriages and stop wearing pajamas in front of her husband.

[00:01:03]Said pajamas. I said, "Ma'am, I don't think that I'm responsible for your husband's extracurricular eyeballs. Once again, this is my yard. I pay taxes here. I'll wear what I want." She didn't appreciate that and once again, she threatened to not keep this proper and get my husband involved.

[00:01:26]I don't know what it is with her and husbands, but I've informed her it's not not 1952, y'all.

[00:01:32]I said, "Perfect. Do you want his number? Cuz if you don't understand that he doesn't give a by now, I'll let you call him. You can speak directly to the man. He'll just tell you whatever my wife says. Ask her." What does she expect him to do? Ground me? Is he going to ground me? Can confiscate my pajamas?

[00:01:50]Issue me a neighborhood dress code violation before coffee?

[00:01:54]She then hits me with, "You millennials.

[00:01:56]You just you have you have no respect.

[00:01:59]No respect. Ma'am, this is not 1952.

[00:02:03]Women are allowed to retrieve their mail without dressing like they're attending Easter service. As if your husband's moral compass is being tested by my floral robe right now. Could it be the fuzzy slippers? Maybe those are doing it for him. I don't know.

[00:02:18]I fear there are bigger issues at hand in their marriage, but she said if I had any respect for my own marriage, I would stop tempting her husband.

[00:02:28]Tempting him.

[00:02:29]In my robe. Tempting him.

[00:02:32]Well, if your man is being led astray by someone holding a water hose and checking the mailbox in their housecoat, that sounds less like my problem and more like I don't know, maybe like extracurricular eyeball emergency code red. It's not my problem, but you see I'm her problem because she sits outside her house with a decimeter listening for when I may pop a little spicy cube and meet my husband at the door after work, so she can call the Popeye on me for a noise complaint.

[00:03:04]Just to interrupt because she's recently told me she doesn't think that we should procreate.

[00:03:10]Now, if you think that this is the end of it, it's not because you're never going to believe what this woman just had dropped off at my house.