Sweden's Unspoken Rules Are insanely AWKWARD! 🇸🇪 | Brit Reacts

[00:00:00]Today is a great, wonderful, amazing, incredible day. And I'll tell you why.

[00:00:04]Because it's not a normal day. No, [music] it's a Sweden day. Unwritten rules of Sweden. The ones that haven't been written. Without further ado, let's get into this reaction. Let's go. When people move to Sweden, they often think that learning the language or dealing with the weather is going to be the hardest thing. But the hardest thing usually is something that >> Can we speak about the weather? Hello guys. How are you doing? Hope you're doing well. Um I I I might look like I'm a bit further away from the screen. I'm normally right up in your face, but for some reason my camera's doing something weird where I'm further away. Don't know why. Um what I was going to say, how are you doing with the weather at the moment? [laughter] I can't complain. We've had some amazing weather. We've had it. It was too hot last week and the week before. The heat wave that we've had in England has been ridiculous, but it's cooled down a little bit now. And actually the weather's pretty nice, but this this summer has been it's been summering.

[00:01:03]It's been lasting quite a while.

[00:01:06]Normally the sun doesn't stay out in England. I don't know what it's been like in Sweden, but Jesus, we've actually had a proper summer. Um, no one can say global warming is not a thing because Jesus, it's been hot. So yeah, let me know in the comment section what the temperature has been like, what the weather's been like in Sweden. Um, yeah, let me know. Let me know if you're enjoying it. Let me know if you hate it.

[00:01:29]Let me know if you needed air, you needed air con or a fan to get by. Let me know.

[00:01:35]>> It's invisible. The unspoken rules that if no one explained them to you, you could break them and not even realize that you've broken a social norm. So, we're going to talk about those rules.

[00:01:46]Sweden is not a bad place at all. In fact, it's one of the best functioning societies on this beautiful planet. But Sweden runs on a very different and unique social operating system. one that if you had not grown up here in this country, you may not be aware of all the nuances. And these social norms affect how people communicate with one another, behave, and if you're not aware of this, you may feel like you just don't fit in or click. So, if you're thinking about moving to Sweden or you already have, these kinds of things really matter a lot more than some people actually realize. So, let's talk about 10 cultural unique aspects of Swedish culture. very >> before he gets into the 10 cultural aspects. You know, I've seen loads of these different list of cultural shocks and I've watched a lot of these videos and one thing's just dawned on me right this moment is that on top of the the cultural shocks you'll get when you move to Sweden or visit Sweden like I did when I visited Sweden, I saw the cultural differences when you can't speak the language, if you can't speak Swedish, that also is a struggle as well. Not because you guys can't speak English, cuz you can. But the way that you probably communicate in Swedish with one another is maybe different and doesn't translate as well into English. Sometimes it it's not.

[00:03:11]Does that make sense? I just feel like the flow of the language when you're fluent and it's your first language, it it flows better in your native tongue, but then when you speak it in English, it might not sound like quite right. So, I feel like yeah, learning a language is like so important to fitting in and not like like not feeling as culturally shocked when you move somewhere. I might be incorrect, but I think I'm correct on that one.

[00:03:42]is the word lo. If you've never heard of this, it means just enough. You could say or just right. Think Goldilocks. Not too hot, not too cold, just right. And this idea permeates everywhere in society. And you hear people using this word in everyday Swedish. It affects how people work, talk, dress, behave, and interact with one another. Whereas coming from a culture say from >> if you've watched my vlogs from last year when I went to Sweden I literally said like I can see the logo. I can see it. I can see the way people especially when I was in um Malmo Malmo I really saw it like when I was in the center and that guy was playing was he playing me?

[00:04:26]It was a a performer street performer and everyone just like everyone blended in. I don't know. Everyone was just really like there was like an agreed way of being and an agreed etiquette on how you um conduct yourself in public. I really felt that. It's weird. I didn't find it hard to fit in. Like it was really easy cuz I'm quite I'm quite a quiet person outside of YouTube. I I promise. I might seem like loud on YouTube, but in in real life, like out and about, I'm quite quiet. I'm quite solitary. I like my own space. I like uh yeah, I'm not very loud. I'm not very like in your face. I like to blend in. I like to I like to disappear in public and do my thing and then go home. So, when I was in Sweden, I felt very very comfortable. Very comfortable.

[00:05:23]But for some maybe like an American, that's probably really alien. Like what?

[00:05:27]You don't speak to one another. You don't you don't do small talk. You don't you don't what? You're all quiet. You You don't smile. It's like Yeah. No, if I don't know you, like I don't need to be smiling all up in your face. You don't need to be in my face if I don't know you. But if I know you, it's different.

[00:05:47]Like you guys can be in my face. All of you guys that watch, you can be, if I'm in Sweden, you see me, you can come up to my face and you can speak to me. Why?

[00:05:56]Because you know me. It's different.

[00:05:58]It's different. That's different. A stranger who doesn't know who I am or doesn't know me at all. I'm like, don't like you don't need I don't need to talk to you. And that might sound bad to an American, but you get it. As a Swede, you get it, right? You get it. But you guys you guys can come to me and say hi.

[00:06:16]That's fine. the Middle East or the United States where standing out is something that is applauded and celebrated. It can come off as being too loud, too opinionated or arrogant here in Sweden. And it can even make people feel uncomfortable. But of course, trying hard to disappear is not good either. So the goal is balance. So if you come from a culture that accepts self-promotion and rewards boldness, log can feel limiting at times. Number two, yanta login or the law of yanta. Now, this is closely linked to the word log or just right. And yanta is not a real law, but it might as well be. So, the basic premise of yontagan is don't think that you are better than other people, which sounds pretty good. Success is downplayed, achievements are softened, and confidence is kept quiet. This is why Swedes often sound modest to the point of self-deprecation. give them a compliment and see how they react. And for many immigrants >> kind of I say this about Brits all the time. It's kind of similar to to us.

[00:07:20]Like if you give a Brit a compliment, it's like, "Oh, thank you." Like or you might be like, "Oh, no. I'm not you put yourself down. It's either neutral to the compliment or neutral or or or neg not negative but like you'll say something negative about yourself to downplay the compliment. We have the same rule but it's not a rule.

[00:07:46]Well, we don't Yeah, we're similar. We are similar. Um yeah, we don't like to stand out in public. You know what I really hate?

[00:07:57]really hate. I hate it if I go don't know if you probably don't even do this in Sweden, but like I'm sure you do. Like you go to a restaurant like say uh say you went to a restaurant like a with your friends and it's your birthday and then they tell the restaurant it's your birthday and they come out and they sing you happy birthday. Oh my god, I hate that. I hate [laughter] that. I absolutely hate that. I don't know. I don't know if they do that in Sweden, but in the UK they do that. And they'll come out and they'll sing you a happy birthday thing and they'll bring you out a little cupcake with the candles and everyone in the restaurant singing you happy birthday. I hate that. That for me is probably like not wanting to stand out, not wanting to be seen, not wanting to draw attention to your to oneself that Yeah, I hate that stuff. I want to blend in. I want to disappear.

[00:09:00]Like those coming from the United States, this may feel very confusing because what may feel like healthy self-confidence somewhere else comes off as arrogance here in Sweden. Number three, 06 corridor or the opinion hallway. Now, this one's extreme.

[00:09:17]>> Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Something new.

[00:09:22]What? This is something new. I thought I've heard I was like, this list is going to be exactly the same as normal.

[00:09:28]I'm going to hear all the same Swede stuff. I've not heard about this one.

[00:09:32]Okay, I'm paying attention now. See, this is this is See, I need to be more Yante, right? I I shouldn't be arrogant and think that I know everything. I don't. [laughter] What is this? Okay, I'm excited.

[00:09:45]>> Self-confidence somewhere else comes off as arrogance here in Sweden. Number three, 06 corridor or the opinion hallway. Now, this one's extremely important and it's one that not a lot of people feel comfortable talking about.

[00:10:00]>> Let's read this. Opinion corridor refers to a socopolitical phenomenon that has been observed during the beginning of the 21st century in Sweden and to some extent also in Norway. The expression itself was originally used in 2013 by Henrik Oscarsen, professor of political science at the University of Goththingberg as a metaphor for the limits of what is commonly acceptable to debate.

[00:10:28]Right. Okay. The concept is similar to the Overton window which assumes a sliding scale of legitimate political conversation and to howling fears which assumes that the press implicitly groups issues into questions of wide consens consensus legitimate controversy and devian. I don't know what that's going over my head. Is this saying there's a limit to how much politics you can talk about? I don't know. I'm going to let him explain cuz I don't know.

[00:11:00]>> Idea is simple. There is a fairly narrow range of opinions that are allowed to be expressed publicly. And if you step outside this opinion hallway, something interesting happens. People won't usually argue with you, shout at you, or confront you. They just get really quiet. They stop engaging. Conversations end. Social warmth disappears and doors quietly close. In Sweden, disagreement does not usually start arguments. It ends conversations. And of course, >> wow. Wait, what? So, if you really go against the grain, you're very controversial or you say something that's really out of the realms of maybe normal society or or the the status quo.

[00:11:49]Um, it's met with closed doors and silence. Is that what he's saying?

[00:11:56]That's really interesting.

[00:11:59]>> Freedom of speech absolutely exists in Sweden, but freedom from social consequences, that's a little more complicated. Number four, fica cult.

[00:12:07]>> So there's a consequence to it's like you can freedom of speech, you can say whatever you want, but there's a consequence to what you speak about and what you do. So you can be frozen out of society if you go against that. It all works in tandem. It all works with each other, doesn't it? Yant yante, um, lag, it all works together. And this to just don't don't stand out. Don't do things differently to what everyone does in Sweden. Don't do too much. Don't do don't overdo it. Everything's about don't overdo it cuz if you overdo it, it's going to be problems. That's that's what I get. I feel like it's like Swedish society. This is Swedish society. this is what we've this is a agreed way of being and if you step too far out of that then we're just not going to deal with you which kind of fair at the end of the day we live in societies and we live in countries we actually choose to live in these countries I know you born into a country and you can't help where you're born but if you don't like where you if you really don't like it where you live then you can move and move somewhere else.

[00:13:26]I don't know. I I think that's fair.

[00:13:28]Anyways, let's continue.

[00:13:29]>> Sure. This one a lot of people do know about, but there's a lot of nuance to it that many don't. Some just say, "Well, fica is just having some coffee or hot tea and something sweet to eat with a friend or coworker." But it's much >> it's not because I went to Sweden and I [laughter and gasps] went to Sweden. I'm having a fa, but I'm not having a fica.

[00:13:49]I'm having the Swedish pastries and I'm having um coffee and I'm having what you would have if you were to go for Fica, but I didn't go there with anyone. I didn't hadn't spend any time with anyone. Although I did meet a girl, a woman that sat next to me and she's from America and we just had a little bit of a chat. So, I guess it was kind of a fica, but I haven't actually haven't had a proper experience. But if you'd like to invite me for Fica in Sweden, let me know when the next Well, I'll let you know when I'm going and let me know cuz that actually is a Fica if I get invited. But yeah, see what >> it's more than that. Fica is where social relationships are built. In fact, your first date may actually be a fica.

[00:14:34]People fa at work and friends meet together. Fica is a good first date cuz coffee shops are quite quiet, not too busy. Do you know what's the worst first date? And I don't know why people do this. Why do people go to a bar? Why do people go to noisy environments? No. You know what's even worse than a bar?

[00:14:55]Cinema. Why do people Why would you go on a first date [clears throat] to the cinema? Because it's awkward. because you can't really speak. You can't speak because you're watching a film. So, you're not getting to know that person. That's a bad first date. First date should be somewhere quiet, somewhere neutral, somewhere where you're not locked in. Maybe outdoors because when it's outdoors, you can escape.

[00:15:26]You can't really escape cinema. You can't really escape in a bar unless you go to the toilet and you run away.

[00:15:34]But like in like outside especially with weather like this perfect perfect time perfect place to have a date cuz you can be like oh the time if it's not going well you're like oh I I said I'd be back to walk my dog. I've got someone looking after my dog and I need to be back for my dog. You know you can make an up excuse and just disappear.

[00:16:00]Anyways not that I've ever done that before. before Fica. This is where social walls come down just a little bit. And here's the part that most immigrants miss. It's one thing to skip maybe one FA invitation, but if you make a habit of doing this, especially say in the workplace, this is not taken lightly. It can be viewed as that you are just antisocial and do not want to be part of the group.

[00:16:28]In Sweden, belonging is often quiet, but Fica is one of the doors. In number five, conflict.

[00:16:36]>> Well, that's the same with anything, especially in the workplace. Like, um, one thing I've learned um, as I've got older, I don't work in I don't work at no official workplace anymore, but when I did, um, I always fared better in employment when I went to the work drink. So UK is equivalent of maybe a fica is work drinks. After work you go to the pub and you go get a pint. If you do not go to that pub and go get a pint, that could be the difference between getting a promotion or staying in the same role your entire career. I promise you. Especially if your boss is going to be there. If there are work drinks, go to the work drinks. You don't need to stay out till late and get drunk. Some people do. Just go there, show your face, make sure you're there every time.

[00:17:38]You have to you have to be seen to socialize. And I think Fica is the same.

[00:17:45]I reckon FA is the same. If you get invited to Fica from a work colleague or uh the management or where you work, go to it. Be there.

[00:17:56]Makes sense. Conflict and avoidance and indirect communication.

[00:18:01]>> Avoidance and indirect communication.

[00:18:04]Sweden is also a very conflict avoidant culture. People generally prefer harmony over confrontation and that means that communication can feel indirect at times. we'll see might mean no and silence can mean disagreement and a polite smile does not always mean that they are in agreement with you and for immigrants this can be a bit frustrating especially if you are one that is used to people speaking straight to the points here can exist without ever clearly being named and you are expected to read between the lines even if no one ever taught you how I know >> it's the same in the UK it's the same in the UK. We're a it's we're c we're what's called a polite society.

[00:18:52]Polite society where you don't really say what you mean but you politely decline. You politely you don't say it. It's like read between the lines. Read my facial expressions.

[00:19:08][laughter] So I get it. I get it. for myself as a neurode divergent individual that this can be quite challenging. Number six, silence is polite. And this >> can imagine that if you are neurode divergent, a lot of ways in a lot of ways Sweden is perfect for some someone who's neurode divergent, but specifically reading between the lines, difficult if especially if you maybe if you're on a autistic spectrum, that could be very difficult. But in a lot of ways, Sweden's really, really good for someone who's on autistic spectrum because, well, you can just disappear in society. You don't really have to interact with anyone and that's perfect.

[00:19:51]I think I'm on the spectrum, but I don't know. I've not been diagnosed, but I sometimes I'm like definitely on the spectrum. I'm able to like talk to a camera. I know you guys are there and I'm talking to the world, but I'm able to do this in my little room by myself and have a good time. That sounds spectrumy to me. [laughter] That sounds like I'm on the spectrum. I probably am. I don't know. Um, but if if I am, I am. Um, so I get it.

[00:20:23]But I get it. I do relate to a lot of neurody people with neurodyency.

[00:20:28]Is that a word? [snorts] Yeah. So, like I said, back to what I was saying, Sweden is probably either really good. I I reckon for the most part it's really good, but the reading between the lines stuff must be quite difficult for someone who's autistic.

[00:20:42]>> This leads into something that many misinterpret and that silence is not a bad thing here in Sweden. It's not necessarily awkward, though. Those that come from more loud, talkative cultures may feel a bit uncomfortable. Silence is a form of respect. Small talk with strangers can be rare, especially depending on which part of Sweden you live. Elevators are usually quiet.

[00:21:04]Public transportation is often quiet except maybe Friday night after everyone's getting off work or >> Yeah, I noticed that. Uh I think I spoke about uh elevator. I asked a guy um for directions in an elevator and he couldn't escape and it was a Swedish when I was in Sweden. But that was fine because I actually genuinely needed directions and he and he was very very very helpful. And then when I bumped into you guys as well, I noticed the interaction was interesting. You you're also very lovely and kind and nice, but like I feel like [laughter] how do I put my finger on it?

[00:21:44]It's like you very polite in that you didn't want to inconvenience me. Um, so basically I bumped into one, two, three, maybe four, I think four Swedes and one German subscriber. The difference between the German subscriber and the Swedish subscribers [laughter] was that you guys you didn't want to talk for too long because I think you didn't want to inconvenience me and you were like oh like [laughter] I can't explain it like this.

[00:22:21]You spoke to me just enough but you you were like oh I'm going to I'll leave you alone sort of thing. Really really sweet and very kind. I don't mind you speaking to me for for a longer like for longer.

[00:22:34]Like I I really want to know you guys.

[00:22:36]Honestly, if you see me and come up to me, have a conversation with me, I'll love it. Um, one of the times that was the exception though, cuz I bumped into one of you guys in an in an airport and we were flying. This is when the straight of um the whole um war was happening in in Iran or whatever wherever it is, the Middle East war. Um, and yeah, I had to get a plane and there were there was problems with planes and I couldn't get back to the UK. That was different. I I did not have time to talk to this guy even though he was really lovely. Um, so yeah, I've lost my train of thought.

[00:23:16]What was the question again?

[00:23:18]>> Especially depending on which part of Sweden you live. Elevators are usually quiet. Public transportation is often quiet. Except maybe Friday night after everyone's getting off work. Yeah, I was Yeah. So, what I was talking about was Yeah. like I noticed that um Oh my god, I've lost my train of thought. Jesus.

[00:23:42]It's not good.

[00:23:43]>> Not necessarily awkward, though. Those that come from more loud, talkative cultures may feel a bit uncomfortable.

[00:23:49]Silence is a form of respect. Small talk with strangers can be rare, especially depending on which part of Sweden you live.

[00:23:56]>> Oh, yeah. He said that it's a sign of respect like and I got that when I bumped into you guys that you had more of a I want to be respectful. I only want to talk to you as much as you know.

[00:24:10]I just want to talk to you not too much and not too little. I want to speak to you not too much not too little. Whereas my German subscriber, that's what I was saying. My German subscriber, she was in my face. Hello. She was chatting to she was lovely. Um but I she was confident because I was stood there in I was like mama pride and then she like walked past and then she walked past again and then walked past again and then she was like are you just and then she started talking to me. She was really nice but like it was a the etiquette the the the difference culturally compared to like a German and and the Swedes. You're very different. Um, it's just understanding that got there in the end. Man, I had a brain fart.

[00:24:59]>> Elevators are usually quiet. Public transportation is often quiet, except maybe Friday night after everyone's getting off work or perhaps on the weekend after everyone's having a good time. Then all of a sudden that silence is gone. And Swedes often look at unnecessary communication as intrusion, not friendliness. Number seven, personal space is sacred. This is a big one.

[00:25:23]Swedes keep a physical distance at bus stops, train stations. You can even be waiting for a bus in the freezing cold and see a bench where there's plenty of room for more than one person. Only one will sit in that bench and everyone else will stand looking on. If you sit next to someone on a bus, it could genuinely stress them out. And again, this is not rejection. It's just respect for one's personal boundaries.

[00:25:49]>> No, it's true. It's true. I I understand that as well. Um, for example, when I was getting off the bus, that's when I bumped into one of you guys. Um, to be fair, he was trying to catch his bus as well. But it was like, yeah, personal space. And he respected my personal space and I respected his. And it was like, yeah, I get that. And on a bus, I'm the same. When I'm on a bus, like I don't want to sit next to anyone or I will I will actively try and avoid sitting next to someone. Um, >> and I will actively like, or do you want to sit down? If it's next to someone else, I just I'd rather stand.

[00:26:28]>> Number eight, Almond's retin, the right to Rome. And this is a really cool one that's not just limited to Sweden, but even other Scandinavian countries have this. You can walk through the forest, pick berries, pick mushrooms, even sometimes temporarily camp somewhere.

[00:26:44]But you do this with responsibility. You make sure to pick up after yourself and make it look as if you were never there.

[00:26:50]Don't leave trash. Don't leave the residues of a camping site. Sometimes you can even camp on private property.

[00:26:57]But the main idea is don't disturb and don't destroy. And this reflects a society with deep trust in one another.

[00:27:04]Understand?

[00:27:04]>> Yeah, you must do cuz the private property thing I'm like, wow. I I you can't you can't do that here on private property. However, there are there's a lot of well, especially where I live. I live quite in a rural place and you can probably set up camp anywhere or a lot of places. It's absolutely fine. Um, and we do have a kind of especially in rurally, you do not leave litter, you do not leave mess, you pick up after yourself like this is nature, look after the environment vibe as well. So we have that in common >> that freedom works if everyone behaves well. Number nine, seasonal personality shift. A lot of immigrants don't understand how much the seasons affect people here in Sweden. In winter, people in Sweden are inward, quiet, reserved.

[00:27:57]Summer Sweden is relaxed, more open, and almost unrecognizable compared to winter Sweden. This shift is normal, but to someone who's new here, this may be something that you take personal.

[00:28:10]Perhaps you notice that people just come off as grumpy or rude.

[00:28:15]>> No, I get it. Trust me, I'll go I'm not Well, I'm planning on seeing Sweden in the winter or close to the winter and Finland. I get it, guys. I'm from a country where when it's winter and it's the winter season, the sun, you don't see the sun very often.

[00:28:36]And even like we may have more daylight like than you guys because you have even shorter days, but when we do have daylight, it's just a sheet of white.

[00:28:46]The sky is white. No blue. You don't see the clouds cuz it's one it's one cloud.

[00:28:52]The sky is a cloud.

[00:28:55]And we have weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and months and months of that just like sheet of white don't see the sun. So I get it. Our personality changes as well. England in the summer is not England in the winter. England in the winter people are not moody but keep theelves themselves. We wrap up warm. We go to work and we come home. Go to work.

[00:29:20]Come home. We don't really want to talk and spend time outside. that it's too cold.

[00:29:26]I get it. You This doesn't need to be explained to me.

[00:29:30]>> Or introverted in the winter time, but then come back and meet them in 6 months and it may seem like you're meeting a totally different person. Number 10, midsummer. This is a holiday that is not common in countries like the United States. This is when the summer sun is at its height and it's the longest day of the year. There's flower crowns, drinking lots of alcohol, and singing weird songs, as well as dancing around a pole. It's one >> I hope you had a great midsummers, by the way. I know it was it was like a month ago, 3 4 weeks ago. Hope you had a really, really good one.

[00:30:06]>> One of the few days in the year that Sweden suspends Log. None of these things are bad or good, but they are real differences. And one who is moving to Sweden or already lives here if they want to integrate in society and feel like they are part of it must understand these norms. Otherwise it can feel like you just never quite fit in. If you're looking for help in moving to Sweden like I did, I am Brandon. I am a nurse who moved here over 4 and 1/2 years ago and learned Swedish, got my nursing license and came into the system here.

[00:30:38]And I know it's difficult navigating that. If you are also a healthcare worker and interested in moving to Sweden, but come from outside the European Union and just really don't know how to get started, make sure to see the link in my bio.

[00:30:51]>> That's awesome. I love nurses. Uh, you got to respect nurses. It's such a hard job. So, he is a nurse and he moved to Sweden, learned Swedish, and now lives there. That's amazing. Wow. Imagine that, man. That's to do that is crazy to to to learn Swedish and then and work and be in society. So, he really knows what it's like to like be a part of Swedish society.

[00:31:21][sighs] Well, guys, one that shocked me was not shocked me, but I didn't I've not heard that one before was if I go back back back back back back. That one, what is it called?

[00:31:39]Opinion corridor.

[00:31:41]Keep your opinions to yourself, basically. I've not heard that one before. Really haven't. Wow.

[00:31:51]I I I didn't know that was a thing. You freeze people out if they go against the status quo in Sweden. I will remember that. I'll keep my opinions to myself.

[00:32:00]Too late. It's too late to keep my opinions to myself. You guys know my opinions. But if my opinions weren't good, then you guys wouldn't like me and you wouldn't subscribe and you wouldn't watch my videos. So I must my moral my morals and my values and who I am as a person must align well with Sweden. So I reckon and what I've learned about Sweden. I reckon I would do pretty well in Sweden. I've said this before. I could move to Sweden. Guys, thank you very much for watching. Hope you're having a great day. I hope you're having a lovely week cuz it's Monday and I hope the sun shines for the rest of the week for you. And [snorts] until the next one, I will see you very soon.