アメリカにも「建前」はある？｜What Americans Say To Be Polite【英語リスニング】

Added: 2026-05-18

[00:00:00]Hi everyone, welcome. My name is Dana.

[00:00:03]I was born and raised in Kentucky in the United States and I make videos to help you learn English through American culture and everyday life.

[00:00:15]In this series, I will teach you how to explain Japanese culture and words in English.

[00:00:23]If you have friends or co-workers from other countries, this video will be very helpful.

[00:00:30]Let's get started.

[00:00:32]Today we are going to talk about "honne" and "tatemae" in English.

[00:00:38]So first, how do we say these words?

[00:00:42]Do you have any ideas?

[00:00:45]If someone asked me how to say "honne" and "tatemae" in simple words in English, I would say "how you really feel" versus "what you say to be polite".

[00:01:01]Of course, there are many other ways to express these ideas, but if you explain it like this, native English speakers will immediately understand what you want to say.

[00:01:16]And these are very important ideas in Japanese culture, right?

[00:01:23]They help us explain how we communicate with other people.

[00:01:28]In Japan, from my experience, it's very important to understand your relationship with someone and if you should say how you really feel or if you should just be polite.

[00:01:45]So, what about the United States?

[00:01:49]Many of you may think that American people are very open and honest all the time.

[00:01:57]I do think we speak directly a lot of the time and English is also a direct language, but there are some situations where we are not so open and honest.

[00:02:13]Sometimes we may not say how we really feel.

[00:02:17]The reason could be we don't want to hurt someone's feelings or we want to avoid problems or trouble.

[00:02:28]That is going to be the main topic of today's video.

[00:02:33]I'm going to share with you some common phrases Americans use when they want to be polite.

[00:02:41]So these are a bit similar to tatemae in Japanese.

[00:02:47]Not exactly the same.

[00:02:49]We don't have this exact concept or culture, but they are similar.

[00:02:56]And before we look at the examples, please understand, I'm not telling you to lie to people.

[00:03:03]These phrases are just tools you can use for maintaining good relationships with people and avoiding uncomfortable situations.

[00:03:15]So, I think this will be a good tool for you to communicate with friends, coworkers, or even strangers in English. Okay.

[00:03:27]Let's start with this example.

[00:03:30]Someone you know invites you somewhere, but... you don't want to go.

[00:03:37]This happens sometimes, right?

[00:03:40]For some reason you don't feel like hanging out with that person or going to that event.

[00:03:47]If you're honest, you might say, "No thanks." or "No, I don't want to go."

[00:03:55]And if you're talking to a close friend, it's actually fine to be more direct like this.

[00:04:03]To your friend, you could say, "Sorry, not tonight."

[00:04:08]Usually Americans are pretty honest with their friends, their close friends.

[00:04:14]But let's talk about what we can say if we are not so close to the other person.

[00:04:21]First you should say, "thank you for inviting me".

[00:04:26]Right? We should thank the person for inviting us.

[00:04:30]And then you can say, "I'll let you know".

[00:04:37]Just be careful if you say this.

[00:04:39]If you say, "I'll let you know."

[00:04:42]The person might think you are going to follow up with them.

[00:04:48]They might think you are going to contact them again.

[00:04:52]And if you never follow up, they could feel confused.

[00:04:57]So, I would only use this if that person invited a lot of other people or you don't think that person will contact you again.

[00:05:10]If you want to be more direct, you can say, "Sorry, I think I have something that day."

[00:05:23]"Have something" means you're busy.

[00:05:26]If you say this, most people will understand you don't really want to go.

[00:05:32]So, choose the phrase depending on how direct you want to be.

[00:05:38]The next situation is ending a conversation.

[00:05:43]As I said in my past video about small talk in the US, it's normal here to talk to strangers.

[00:05:53]So if you come to the US, you might get stuck in a conversation with someone.

[00:06:01]Someone starts making small talk with you.

[00:06:05]After a couple minutes, you don't want to talk anymore or you don't have time to talk, but the other person keeps talking.

[00:06:17]I have experienced this many times, like at the grocery store or even the bank, when I'm running errands.

[00:06:28]And your real feeling in this situation, so your "honne" is "I don't want to talk to you anymore. Bye."

[00:06:39]Right? But we can't say that directly.

[00:06:42]That would be rude.

[00:06:44]That might make the other person upset.

[00:06:47]Instead, one phrase you can use is, "Anyway, I should get going."

[00:06:59]Or you could say, "Well, it was nice talking to you."

[00:07:09]These phrases show the other person that you need to end the conversation.

[00:07:15]You're ready to end the conversation.

[00:07:19]When we change the topic or end a conversation in English, we often use "anyway" or "well".

[00:07:28]If you start with this word, it sounds very natural.

[00:07:32]The next phrase you can use with your friend or coworker.

[00:07:37]This is someone that you will see again somewhere.

[00:07:42]Maybe later that day, maybe tomorrow.

[00:07:46]You can say, "Anyway, let's catch up again later."

[00:07:56]"Catch up" means talk and share updates.

[00:08:00]So you say that you will talk to the person again but you don't say exactly when.

[00:08:08]That is why this phrase is very useful.

[00:08:12]Now let's go to the last example.

[00:08:16]The situation is when someone tells you their opinion or idea, but you don't agree with them.

[00:08:25]So your honest feeling is "I don't think that way".

[00:08:30]Or even, "do you really think that?"

[00:08:34]But you don't want to create problems in your relationship with that person.

[00:08:41]I think this situation happens a lot at the workplace.

[00:08:46]In the US sometimes we do directly say "I disagree" or "I don't think so".

[00:08:54]But in many cases, we try to communicate in a more respectful way.

[00:09:01]This will make you seem like you are easy to work with and have good communication skills.

[00:09:10]So, let me teach you a couple phrases Americans tend to use in these cases.

[00:09:16]The first phrase I recommend is, "I see what you mean".

[00:09:25]When you use this phrase, you're saying you understand their thoughts.

[00:09:31]You can understand their thoughts even though you don't agree. Right?

[00:09:37]Another phrase you can use is "that makes sense".

[00:09:45]I think some of you already know this phrase.

[00:09:49]Even if you can't actually understand why the other person thinks that way, we still use this.

[00:09:57]So in reality, it doesn't make sense to you, but we just say that.

[00:10:03]We just say, "Oh, that makes sense."

[00:10:05]This helps the conversation go more smoothly.

[00:10:10]If you need to continue the discussion, after you use one of those phrases, you can say "but..." and share your idea.

[00:10:21]For example, "I see what you mean, but I think it would be better to do this instead."

[00:10:30]So, these phrases are good for leading into your opinion.

[00:10:35]If you are having a meeting in English at work, you will probably have a chance to use one of these phrases.

[00:10:44]Okay, that was the last example.

[00:10:46]As I said in the beginning, there are situations where Americans don't say exactly how they feel.

[00:10:54]But this doesn't mean we always lie.

[00:10:57]We think of these phrases as communication tools.

[00:11:02]They're a tool you can use when you need to be careful, when you need to communicate carefully with someone.

[00:11:10]They are especially helpful for maintaining good relationships with people and avoiding uncomfortable situations.

[00:11:20]Okay, I hope everyone found this helpful.

[00:11:22]I will see you in the next video.

[00:11:25]Thank you for watching. Buh bye!