Why More Black Women Are Reconsidering Natural Hair - The Comparison Gap

Added: 2026-06-01

[00:00:00]is starting to get so freaking insufferable. You guys are insufferable.

[00:00:03]>> So, people talk about [music] how supportive the natural hair community is, but one thing that we don't talk about enough is how competitive that space is. I'm talking about the natural hair community. Some of the natural hair people don't even understand. It's very subtle. It sounds like, "Oh, what products are you using? Oh, wait, that shrinkage.

[00:00:25]Your hair grows so fast." [music] And then they add, "Mine could never."

[00:00:29]And just like that, what started as celebrating another woman's beauty turns into a full case of hair hierarchy.

[00:00:36]>> You're You're comparing what you have to someone else's. If your intentions are pure, please keep it pure. And [music] always know when to stop. That's usually the sweet spot. Understanding the difference between admiring someone else's journey and always putting yourself in the place of, "Oh, mine should be like that. Oh, my hair could never." Then you beat yourself up.

[00:01:00]Videos you see on the internet that should inspire you to do better for your hair only leave you feeling like, "Oh, there's so much I need to do. I need [music] to buy this. I need to buy that.

[00:01:11]I need to have a certain spray bottle. I need to use the same products. If I don't, my hair would not give me the best of itself." I think a lot of us entered into the natural hair space to escape the Eurocentric beauty standards.

[00:01:27]But, what we have not come to terms with is the fact that we may have been creating an entirely new brand of standards. So, instead of long silky hair, we have long 4C hair, thick 4C hair, natural healthy hair. That point where a lot of ladies know that their hair is not a is not a direct reflection of their efforts. Some just have it easier than others.

[00:01:59]>> [snorts] >> And what I mean is some people just wake up and notice that they have fine hair, so their hair would never be as thick as those who have coarse hair. Or some people just wake up and notice that they really have like really long hair, but fine. Some have it really thick, but short. These standards just keep shifting because there is always somewhere in that lady's mind where she's thinking, "Oh, because my hair is short, but thick, I would rather have long hair or let me like long 4c hair that is still also thick." So, the question is what is wrong with yours that [music] is thick, but short? And this shortness is even relative because there's still a concept of shrinkage. Some just shrink harder than others. Tell me why somebody would post their wash day routine, and instead of enjoying the process and seeing a lesson or two that you can pick [music] from it, your biggest investment is looking at what is what what other thing is happening inside of their bathroom.

[00:03:05]See jars of products that they have, the bottles of other products that they have. to be hearing, "Oh, her density is intense. My hair could never have this volume." Why are you not paying attention to how she made the twist out rather than just stopping at, "Oh, my twist out could never." How about the bun? How about your hair giving you the bun that your hair can give you? Instead of measuring your bun against this other person that you're seeing on your screen. That is not inspirational anymore, right? It does sound like comparison to me. And that's why a lot of natural hair girls are so exhausted because the idea of the community is love your hair. Love your natural hair. But then, we seem to celebrate a particular standard of hair.

[00:03:52]So, if the hair is long, oh yeah, it has our attention. It's long, it's full.

[00:03:57]Yeah, that's the way to go. I used to have an aunt. Her hair was not exactly fuzzy. You know how they talk about ancestry and maybe you have dormant genes somewhere that just decides to wake up in your in your life.

[00:04:10]Exactly. I think somewhere somewhere somewhere down down down the line in her ancestry, she has something of a Fulani stuff going on there because her hair was that texture. Her cornrows could never exceed 3 days. It would roughen up. It would roughen up like it's it's like 2 months old. That was the downside of her hair type. But, the texture in itself was really beautiful. It was really long and it was really really like it was just tasteful. Something that a lot of people wanted during the time. Now, I imagine that if it was like now, the question would be, oh, what do you do? She could have sold anything to anybody in this internet age. She could have come up and said, oh, because she does some 26 steps hair care routine or something something. Now, we have a lot of people who are just putting themselves on a high jump. Your hair doesn't grow fast, oh, then you're behind. If your density isn't dramatic enough, somehow you're behind. If your twist out is not fluffy enough, then somehow you're just behind. You have to You have to make excuses. You have to do a lot of explaining as to why your hair is not giving the same vibe as the other people. And the scary part is that this competition has been so normalized that superiority now starts to look like advice. Oh, your hair is not doing this because you're not doing that. Your hair is not growing because you're not finger detangling. Your hair is not growing because you're using oil. Your hair is not growing because you're using cream.

[00:05:39]There was a time some movements outran themselves. And I'm sure it started with just one person. And it just But, I'm I'm happy that a lot of people are getting their groove back and understanding that that was just a very stupid idea.

[00:05:55]Mhm. Some people are honestly genetically working with finer strands, less dense hair, tighter curls. 4C hair is not one size fits all. 4C hair even has range. 4C hair has types. 4C hair And then the concept of 4C hair in the first place, you know, it's just one man's idea, right? To sell his products.

[00:06:17]In my opinion, I think that mindset is becoming very dangerous and we need to somehow nip it in the bud. You know what's ironic? The natural hair space started as a movement where people were tired of being told that their hair was not enough. And somehow, some people are still feeling not enough, but just in a different form. And of course, social media have made it worse because now your hair is no longer your hair, it's content. It's branding, it's aesthetics.

[00:06:44]In fact, it is proof. It is a means to an end. So, you could sell any idea in front of your camera. Once it's lights out and camera stop rolling, you go back to nothing. You go back to a routine that is not what you're selling on on the online.

[00:07:00]And before anyone begins to on their swords, this is just an observation. I am not jealous.

[00:07:07]I'm very comfortable in my skin, but I'm seeing people struggle. I'm seeing my sister struggle. [music] I'm seeing my friends struggle. I'm seeing even people I don't know struggle. And if you're watching this video and you relate to any part of this, let me know in the comment section. [music] We are supposed to be comfortable in our skin because this is our space. Long, short, tight curls, fine hair, we should just be able to, you know, find the people that have the same rhythm as us and >> [snorts] >> relate to their struggles. So, if you have fine hair, there is no you don't have any business competing or comparing your hair against someone who has coarse hair, who has like really full dense hair. Because you're never going to get it right.

[00:07:53]Because you're always going to be against yourself. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your hair. There is nothing wrong with documenting your hair journey. But we also need to come to a place of recognizing that it is becoming performative, a lot more performative than it should be. Some people are not even wearing hairstyles that they love anymore. They're wearing hairstyles that prove that their hair is long. They're wearing hairstyles that shows the world that yeah, they got it. And it's crazy because that may not even be what they really enjoy. And that's why certain hairstyles get praised more online than others. Not because they're prettier, but because they show more what your hair is. Honestly, the girls who are really winning at this natural hair thing, they're the ones who are not even trying to beat any algorithm, quote unquote. They are winning with density, length retention, growth updates. People are trying too hard to win at natural hair. You might be losing at shrinkage, fine strands, inconsistent definition, protective styles that actually hide length, which is still okay. But maybe that's why some people actually feel they need to keep up instead of feeling empowered in the natural hair space. Empowerment is supposed to free people, not create another ranking system. But some people might agree with this because you see they thrive on that comparison. They love the fact that they're getting the attention of oh, your hair is so long, your hair is so thick, your hair has volume, your hair has density.

[00:09:24]But this does not mean that the people who don't have density don't have natural hair.

[00:09:29]It doesn't mean that they're less, it doesn't mean that they're not doing enough. It is just their hair type. That you build your confidence around your hair being better than someone else's should actually make you sad because there should be more to it. In if anything as I said, this should be more empowering. And this is why some natural hair conversations feel passive-aggressive online because beneath all that girl, you're gorgeous, there is some hierarchy, some competition, some measuring. And maybe the real healing for the natural hair community should be knowing that everybody can dwell in this space. You should be able to accommodate everybody regardless of your strands type, your density, your porosity. Just find the sub community that, you know, suits your hair type and style and walk with it. If you have enjoyed this video, please don't forget to give a thumbs up. See you in my next one.