This video explores how people often mistake trauma for love, explaining that recognizing patterns of confusion, drain, and difficulty leaving a relationship can indicate underlying trauma rather than genuine love. The hosts discuss how healing involves understanding these patterns, taking accountability for one's role in unhealthy situations, and learning to recognize healthy versus unhealthy relationship dynamics. The conversation emphasizes that true love requires mutual respect, accountability, and the ability to set boundaries, while trauma often manifests as manipulation, control, and an inability to leave despite recognizing the unhealthy nature of the relationship.
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#188 I Called It Love...But It Was TraumaAjouté :
might be for me.
I'm thinking God for it.
It's on my heart. So, we going to sing it for you.
Where you going to go? Where you going to go? Where you going to go?
To get where you're going.
Sometimes you need to know when to go.
Oh. So, where you going to go? Where you going to go? Where you going to go? Oh, get where you're going.
Cuz I see you got to go.
>> Sometimes you got to go where love will find you. Yeah.
I'm not saying leave what you love behind you. No.
Listen to life and move when it's time to Yeah.
Cuz you don't know nothing to who you were yesterday.
But everything to who you are today.
So we going to go. We going to go where we are going.
Sometimes go.
>> Sometimes you got to go. Sing it one more time.
>> Oh, we going to go.
>> We're going to go.
>> Cuz I see you going somewhere.
>> Where you going? some place you got to go.
Never know tomorrow there might be a mountain.
Say an unexpected mountain you got to climb.
Yeah.
Yeah.
After coming, all of a sudden, you see your river.
You got to swim through.
And I'm here for you forever. Yeah. I'm here to help. But some things you got to do.
So, where you going to go?
>> Where you're going.
Can you tell me? Yeah.
>> Where you going to go?
>> Cuz I see you going somewhere.
>> Where you going?
>> I see you going someplace.
>> Cuz you got to go.
>> Don't mind me. I need to save this part to myself.
>> We don't know if we going. Yes sir. Somewhere we shouldn't go.
So where you going to go? Where you going to go? Where you going to go?
Get where you're going.
>> Get where you're going. I'm trying to be a better me.
I don't know about you, but I need to see >> what the future has for me.
>> Welcome to the Love and Victory Show with Val, where we will bring you candid conversation. In each conversation, we will talk about real life ups and downs while tackling unresolved matters. We will also unmask issues and truly speak straightforward and candid about our needs and brokenness while allowing ourselves to exhale so that we can become victorious. This is a place where you can be open to the possibilities of living life in abundance while gaining tools to become bold and complete. So, let's get to it.
We have amazing guests each week and today is no exception. Join us as we change lives one conversation at a time.
You know what to do. Now, let's get to it.
Good morning. Good morning. Is my mic on this morning? I'm acting like brother Carter. There I go. There I go. There I go.
>> Blame something on me.
You know, you you'll start off the show with I can't hear my mic. I can't hear my mic, so I can do it, too. Right.
>> Do your thing.
>> All righty then.
>> It's your thing.
Do what you want to do.
>> Oh, Lord. Y'all can tell where we going this morning. Good morning, Carter crew.
How y'all doing out there? I see y'all coming in. Y'all coming in. Y'all a little slow, but y'all coming in. I see about 628 of y'all. I need more. I need more. Come on in here and give me a good morning this morning before we get going. And I got to say something to this amazing women's panel this morning.
Y'all looking lovely. Brother Carter.
>> Well, I got you, brother Carter.
I can't leave you out, but I got to talk to the ladies first. Go ahead.
>> Y'all looking fantastic this morning.
We, you know, you guys came back u because the show that you all did about a month or two ago >> was fantastic. Uh we enjoyed it. And so we had to bring this panel back. I'm going to start off with Miss Rocky. Good morning.
>> How you doing this morning?
>> I'm doing fantastic.
>> Did I hear you say earlier that you came in from Galveastston?
>> I did.
>> Wow. You love us that much.
>> I love y'all that much. I'd have driven further for y'all.
>> Oh, come on now.
>> Y'all heard that. Y heard that. She said she would have driven further for us.
You know, Rocky is either coming or going. She's always doing something.
Last time she was on the show, she was heading out on vacation. So, >> well, welcome. And I'm glad you're here.
>> All righty.
>> That's where you live in Galveston or >> No, we were just there for the weekend.
>> Okay.
>> Seems like you was in Galveston.
>> Literally. Literally.
>> I am very fortunate to have somebody who's got a place down there. So, >> okay. I'll be going to Tomball after this and then back to Galveston.
>> Back to Galveston.
>> How's the weather been so far in G?
>> It's been fantastic. Really? We've been really, really lucky. Yeah. No rain.
>> No rain.
>> It's been gorgeous.
>> So, let me ask a question. Is the water looking muddy or does it have that little blue greenish look?
>> Um, you know, I haven't been on the shoreline yet.
>> Okay, just send me a text. I'll send you a picture. Okay, I got you.
>> You got me.
>> All righty then. Miss Unique, how you doing today? Sitting over there in that popping pink >> in that popping pink.
>> I am well. How about you?
>> Your girl, we're looking good. You're looking good. I'm doing just well, too.
>> I knew where I was coming. I had to keep up.
>> You don't have to keep up with me.
>> You know, we do what we do.
>> There you go. There you go. We do just because of what we do.
>> Okay. That's all I'm saying. Well, welcome.
>> All of this she >> earlier in the early Let me come on over here to Lauren. Miss Lori, how you doing today?
>> I'm good. I'm good. Glad to be here.
Well, we're excited to have you back in the house. You know, Lauren Lauren be sitting sending me some little messages along the side. She missed me.
>> Absolutely.
>> I can tell you, lady.
>> You know, we was in a group text over here, a group chat, >> holling at each other, and I think I was doing prom time. Yes. Oh, yes. You did right by your daughter. Thank you.
>> She looked like an angel.
>> You did good. Did she get on your last nerve?
>> Did she?
>> Oh, I know. I didn't have done that during the prom season. Exactly. You know, prom is different than what it was. And >> she wanted to kind of I think in her head she was keeping up with >> She wanted to do Instagram.
>> No. Oh, I know.
>> I said no, ma'am. But trust me, I I I'mma get you together.
>> But we're not doing We're going to look like prom, not a wedding.
>> There you go. Come on now. Cuz these some of these parents is just it's just ridiculous. I mean, you're letting the kids run the show, but they haven't even graduated high school. Oh, okay. Well, I'm just >> That's another show.
>> But, Brother Carter, you know, >> it's kind of related to the show.
>> It's related to the show.
>> Yes.
>> All right. Well, talk about it then.
>> He thought it was love. Okay. I'm sorry.
Let me come on back over here. Brother Carter, how you doing this morning?
>> Well, >> well, tell them.
>> I'm glad you asked.
>> But tell them. Well, you know, last night, uh, we were watching the game. I was at the sports ball last night in the backyard, >> and three of us was hanging out back there, you know, me, myself, and I.
>> Okay. And you had somebody else out there with you?
>> Yeah. Oh, yeah. My grandson did come out, so it was four of us.
>> Okay. And uh you know the game got a little taken away at some point you know and I thought I'd wrap it up and say you know forget the sports ball wing and rounds over with you know then I turned around after I started wrapping up in the backyard. One of my personalities saw that the game had tightened up again decided to get another round. And so right now I'm kind of feeling a little bit uh >> toxic intoxicated sake because you know that alter ego went and got that last and in and fourth or fifth round that that we had. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. So you know I'm kind of a little tired this morning but >> but go Spurs anyway. Uh we end up losing the game by you know by a bustard. Uh couldn't hit the last shot. So >> that's okay. They're going to come back.
>> They're going to come back. then come back.
>> Say, well, speak it then.
>> Come back.
>> There you go. All right.
>> So, before we take off on the show, I want to uh send a shout out to my dad, the Reverend Lawrence Ra Carter, Senior.
Tomorrow is his birthday. Happy birthday, Pop.
>> I want y'all to make sure that you uh send Pop some love. That's Reverend Lawrence Ara Carter, Senior.
>> Yes. Put in the chat, say happy birthday to my pop out there. Put some love on here. There you go.
>> 85 years young. That's right.
>> Yes. I him. Okay. So, this is how it goes. He's 20 years My husband is 20 years younger. Our daughter is 20 years uh younger than her dad.
>> They all turned five.
>> They all turned five this year. I know.
Okay. I know. All righty then. We're going to get this party started and we're going to start off the way we've started with the scripture and prayer.
>> All right. So, we got a little help today with the scripture today cuz brother Carter don't have his glasses and can't see. Uh, he double blind today, should I say.
So, sister Lauren is going to read the scripture for us coming from uh where is it coming from?
>> Psalm 37.
>> Psalm 37 verses what?
>> 1-6.
>> All right, let's >> he's teaching too.
>> All right. So fret not thyself because of evildoers.
>> Uhhuh.
>> Neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.
>> Why?
>> For they shall soon be cut down like the grass and wither as the green herb.
>> What?
>> Trust in the Lord and do good.
>> Uhhuh.
>> So shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
>> Okay. Delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
>> Uhhuh.
>> Commit thy way unto the Lord.
>> Trust also in him.
>> And he shall bring it to pass.
>> All right. All right.
>> And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noon day.
>> Amen.
>> Amen. Amen.
>> Very good. Sister Lauren. Sister Lauren read that that again that is Psalms 37 uh 1-6. May the Lord add blessing to the hearers and doers of his word. Amen.
>> Amen.
>> Amen. I you know I want to defer right now to to prayer also today if I could.
And and and a person got a name like Unique got to be able to just be >> bam. There you go. You need got to be have a a prayer, you know.
>> I just see prayer just on on your face there.
>> Oh, wow.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> With your mind.
>> A lot of people have said a lot of things about my face, but they never said they don't know.
Let me see what he say. Come on. I NEED TO SEE WHAT you see, too.
>> Well, don't worries. I'LL TAKE IT.
>> ALL RIGHT. LOOK LOOK AT THAT.
I'll take that off of you. Then let us bow for a moment. Father God, we come as humbly as we know in the precious name of Jesus, thanking you for more for everything that you've done in our life and what you're doing in our lives.
Father God, we could not be where we are today, who we are today, if it had not been for all that you've done in our lives. Uh forgive us, oh God, for the many, many sins that we've committed in our lives uh in the past, in the present, and in the future. And we so grateful that you are merciful, kind, and good enough to be just, and forgive us for our sins. So we just pray that you would just send your Holy Spirit, send your anointing upon this show today, oh God, and that we may feel the voices of the people on the panel. Touch the people out there that are viewing this show today, oh God. in a special way. Heal somebody today, oh God.
Deliver somebody today, oh God, just have mercy upon us all each and every day. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.
And amen.
>> Amen. Amen. Amen. I tell you, brother Carter, you know that the personality is working out for you this morning. I tell you, you showing up this morning. I felt that.
>> Okay. That was my spiritual personality.
>> Okay.
>> That was a unique prayer.
>> Yeah.
You did that. It did. Oh, wow. You know, I have to uh I have to say good morning to my cousin. You know, he's in the chat this morning. Good morning, Ricky. You know, I love, you know, I love when family show up. You know, they show up without you asking them to show up. They really love you. Now, I do know he's on here not just because of me, but because of somebody else that's his friend on here.
>> Lauren must have told her, "All right, now I'm gonna be on the show. You better get on there and give us >> my trainer. He's going to come on and support.
>> Yes. Yes. Yes. We love you.
>> Ricky is very supportive anyway by nature.
>> All righty. Aaron is telling me that she got to get the show going. It's time for the riddle.
>> Yes, definitely. So, we can get that riddle pulled up. This week's riddle is hidden in plain sight yet hard to see.
The more you search, the less you'll find me. Everyone wants me now. That part is true. But when you stop looking, the answer is right in front of you.
>> Patience.
>> Whatever.
You keep it up.
>> Oh, I'm sorry. If you can keep that up.
>> Oh, I was saying.
>> Okay. Read it one more time since it wasn't You hit it so fast.
>> Hidden in plain sight yet hard to see.
The more you search, the less you'll find me. Everyone wants me now. That part is true. But when you stop looking, the answer is right in front of you.
>> Ricky said >> mercy.
>> Ricky said air.
>> Oh, what? Oh, he said air.
>> Yes.
>> Uh, let me see. Um, come on, Rocky.
>> Seeing in plain sight, >> man. Hidden in.
>> Yeah. Hold the seat.
>> You can see love.
>> No, you can't.
>> Yeah.
>> No, you can't.
>> Sure you can see >> action. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, don't worry about my nose. You get your right.
>> The more you search, the less you find me.
More you search, >> the less you'll find me.
>> The only clue that I can give you is the answers right in front of you.
>> Oh, fam.
>> Come on y'all. Help us out here. Come on, Carter Cruz. Somebody said peace.
Ricky said peace.
>> Get him again. That's right.
All righty then. Well, we're going to come on.
>> Is Justin out there today?
>> He hadn't come in yet. I don't know.
He's not showing. I'm sure he's out there. He's just not showing yet. All right, Aaron, where we going next while they come with it?
>> All right. So, we'll go ahead and take down the riddle. And um you know, Brother Carter mentioned something really interesting. He's pointing out that it's Pop's birthday, right? And in the spirit of Father's Day this month, we're actually have real talk with Pops.
In honor of Father's Day, this is Real Talk with Pops, where we share the classic, unforgettable things our dads used to say or still do. The advice, the jokes, the wisdom, the words that stay with us long after they're said. So tell us, Carter Crew, what's one thing your pops has always said?
And now a special message from Demarcus.
>> I don't know what to say, bro.
>> Wait, wait. Thank you. Well, hey, Pop, I really appreciate everything you done for me. I appreciate the advice and listen that you gave me during the two weeks that I was over here. I appreciate the talk that you gave me about me cheating myself. And if I cheat myself, I'm not going to really make it far. And I'm grateful that I can call my grandfather.
Thank A Lord, what a good surprise.
>> That was really good.
>> He he was talking about uh I have him uh working out. You want to play football and I say, you know, most of the time what separates the good players from the from the okay players is what you do when nobody's watching.
>> Yeah. And so if you don't do your exercises the way you're supposed to do it, the way you train to do it, you're only cheating yourself >> if you don't do it. So go fulfill that thing. If you want to do it, go at it hard. Go at it wholeheartedly.
>> And you know, and don't cheat yourself.
And that's what he was talking about, right?
>> That was beautiful. I thought uh when he did >> God bless you, son, for listening.
>> Yeah. I I tell you when he did that, he just he came up with it. He did so well.
And then Aaron with her petty self cuz they were doing the takes and it was so cute. Well, I guess I can't call it cute, but it was so fun. He enjoyed that. We just did it off the whim yesterday. So nice.
>> Love that.
>> All right.
>> Y'all come up with the damnest things.
>> Well, it's it's that month. It's Father's Day. You know, we did it for Mother's Day. So, it's not.
>> All right. What's the vice your father gave you? We talking about fathers.
>> Well, y'all ready? Anybody know my daddy? But y'all don't.
>> My daddy said, >> "Fear no man."
>> Every man put their pant leg on one leg at a time. If they jump at it, then you do jump in them.
>> You know what they are. And he had this other little thing he said.
>> They mama ain't [ __ ] They daddy ain't [ __ ] They gr >> I'm just telling you too late. So in other words, ain't nobody better than you. And don't ever make your Don't let somebody dumb you down because of their own stuff. They got [ __ ] going on in their house. Y'all never heard me talk like that, but you asked me with my dad and it stuck with me. So, I'm never um I don't feel this thing of being less than other people because the one thing that my dad always told me, I am somebody.
>> That's some good advice.
>> Yeah, >> we can we can spread that uh kind of advice to everyone, you know.
>> Yeah.
>> Uh don't fear no man, >> you know. No, you have to have confidence in yourself and that's what I think he was instilling in you. Yes, >> he was a you a unique kind of man.
>> He was unique on the show. We use the name, huh?
>> Yes. He was a unique kind of man. But that band, you know, he loved his children. And you want to see him get come unglued, you mess with one of his children. Now he everything else, but his children, he ain't play about them.
Anybody from Galveston know?
>> Yeah.
>> He ain't play about his girls. So that's all I can say. Yeah, he was unique.
>> Indeed. Indeed. Uh if you wasn't on the show earlier today, you know, I gave a shout out to my dad, uh Reverend Lawrence Carter, Senior. Again, we want to send a birthday shout out to him. All of those that are on the show today. If you would show him a little love. That's my pop. I forgiven him for all the things he did not do. I forgive him for the things he did do in my sight that I didn't like, but he's forgiven for it.
So I just want to praise him on today.
But tomorrow is is his birthday. Amen.
Amen. Amen.
>> Amen. Amen. Amen.
>> Love you, Pops.
>> All righty then. Yes, Rocky.
>> Yes, ma'am. So, >> your dad, what sticks with you from your dad that he would say?
>> You know, there's a couple of things.
The first one is he used to he used to quote, I think it was Herb Cohen, and he would say, "You've got to care, but not too much."
>> You got to care, but not too much.
>> Got to care but not too much. You know, keep thinking.
>> What that meant? what he meant by that.
>> You know, I think that the quote came from someone who was like a negotiator.
>> But what I what's kept with me as I walk through life is everybody's worried about what everybody else is saying and thinking.
>> Trying to keep up.
>> Yes.
>> Trying to fit in.
>> Yes.
>> And being confident enough in yourself >> that you know, but humble. You know, you want to maintain perspective.
>> Yeah.
>> But you can't care too much. That's when people are are able to take advantage of you. That's when you get manipulated.
That's when you lose your way.
>> Yes.
>> And and you don't stay true to yourself.
So that's probably what's kept.
>> That's what made you a brilliant attorney, I guess, to >> Oh, there were so many things.
>> Well, we gonna get into a few get into a few. That's true. I like that. You got to care, but not too much.
>> Yeah. It's good to care, but don't let that care become your um Yeah. Yeah.
>> Because it can become a curse.
>> It's almost it it's similar, and we'll get into this a little bit later, to the difference between being supportive and being enabling.
>> You know, >> that's true.
>> All righty then. Uh unique.
>> Anyone else?
>> Oh, Lord.
>> I'm everybody else.
>> What your daddy said?
>> My daddy says a lot. M first thing he taught me was um cuz as you guys know he raised me. So as I got older he was like you bottom heavy. You got to you got to dress for your bottom.
>> That was the first thing he taught me.
That was number one. Like okay >> that's unique.
>> I learned what bottom heavy was. Um, but one thing that really stuck with me and I actually find myself repeating, well actually two things cuz I tell my students this as well >> cuz you know I teach 17 18 year olds so they cuss. Yeah.
>> But one thing they cuss you.
>> Yeah. We we both cussing. Okay. Um but number one was opinions are like >> they ho. Yeah. And he told me, "You got to realize when it's just gas and somebody, you know."
>> Yeah.
>> And you got to realize when it's somebody full of >> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> And you got to let know when to let >> each one go.
>> Okay.
>> All right.
>> That's real good. I LIKE THAT.
>> I mean, but at that time, you're kind of like, >> "What are you talking about?"
>> But as you get older, you realize, "Okay, you're right. People are always going to have to have something to say.
I have to decipher if it's okay. Is this a sign for something else that I need to be fixing or are you just full of talking?
>> Yeah.
>> Lauren with the the PG talking >> and then and then I'm over here with the >> Yeah.
The other thing was because there's so much going on with the youth.
>> I always tell them when I I have students who get into fights and things like that, I'm like, "Why are you fighting?" Oh, well, this happened. I said, "There's a such thing as loyalty."
And I told myself, this is what my daddy always told me.
>> Somebody got to live to tell what happened. If you see things escalating, you got you got to be smart enough to be like, I Hey, cuz you both can't go down.
>> Yeah. Well, how we going to get the story out?
>> There you go.
>> That's real good.
>> So, you got to know when to walk away.
>> Absolutely.
>> Sound like your dad was a wise man.
>> Well, >> a wise man.
>> He would tell you he's a Q. So, >> a Q.
>> A Q. So, he's he's >> so he thinks he's smart all the all the way.
>> Oh, a okay.
>> He tell you he got it.
>> He got it.
>> He got it. All right, then. Okay. Well, Lauren, what do you have? So my dad is very quiet. Okay.
>> Okay. He's very quiet. But what my dad has shown me >> is how I should be treated by a man.
>> And you know, my dad is going to do any and everything for me. You know, if I need him, I need to call him. He's going to be there. When I was in my situation, my dad was the one that came and got me and helped me pack my stuff to get out of that abusive situation.
>> So that showed me >> daddy. Daddy.
Daddy, uh, I need you to come get me.
>> I can finally talk now. So, daddy, >> uh, come on.
>> Yeah.
>> But he also, you know, was always supportive. He would And he would always tell me, you know, it's okay. You know, we all make mistakes. God is a forgiving God. So, don't be hard on yourself.
>> That's right.
>> On the mistakes that you've made.
>> And so, that's one thing I tell he, my dad is Catholic. He prays the rosary every day, every morning. So, his faith, you know, and him being calm and always being there is something that I've learned to just listen >> to people and always show up when people need me because you never know what somebody's going through.
>> You never know.
>> Yeah.
>> That's beautiful. That is beautiful.
>> Shout out to the daddies out there.
>> You know, hey guys, if y'all can do with Carter Crew, put some uh comments in the uh chat. Let us know what your father said to you. that sticks with you. We want to read some of them off this morning.
>> Amen.
>> All righty, Aaron, you got anything else you want to add or we're going to keep the ball rolling.
>> I mean, this isn't something like my dad said. This is just like a really random thing that like he showed me like a few years ago and it's just like one of those random things that just stuck with me.
>> It's like when you're when you're cutting a steak and like you're holding the fork and everything apparently like if you put the tip of the the fork like on your wrist instead of just like holding it, it's it's hard to explain.
like not the not the prong tipped of the side, but like the the back end of it and you rest it like on your wrist. It makes the cutting a lot easier versus if you're just holding the fork and cutting it.
>> Well, how I'm gonna do that.
>> It's it's >> Well, like the fork I don't mean no harm. I'm just trying to imagine.
>> Yeah. So, imagine like you're holding the fork, right? And then you're like putting it face down. The back end you might like hold it to the side or like might stick out, but it like impresses against your wrist. And then you use your finger like on the back of the fork and you do a motion. So it's less on your hands but more on like your wrists and your arm.
>> So wouldn't it be easy just to pick it up? Are you at that purpose me trying to figure out how to hold that?
>> I don't know. I can show you.
>> You're going to need a demonstration.
>> You give me a demonstration.
Show you. Yeah.
>> We all need to learn this one.
>> Did anybody else around this channel get it? Did you?
>> I did. I see Lauren. you. So, what's that word called when you uh uh I don't want to call you disjointed or dis uh what is that called?
>> Amidextrous.
>> Yeah, that is that what you are that you got it.
>> I'm sorry. I'm so petty though.
>> So, it's like you'd put the rest like on your ping right here and cut it like that.
>> Oh, >> yeah. I have a visual demonstration back here. Y'all can't see, but now you're getting it.
>> Oh, okay.
Well, in other news.
>> Well, you know what? This got me thinking >> because I can imagine Miss Car didn't understand. She'd be like, "Well, that's dumb." Which got me thinking, "It's time to cut the crap."
>> Oh, >> we're all about healing. And sometimes your healing starts with sharing what bothers you. It's not good to keep that bottled up. We have to remove the negativity somehow. And what better way than by calling it out. So, here's the deal. People are always going to get underneath our skin, so we may as well tell them. Cut the crap.
>> Cut the crap.
>> So, as always, be sure to leave your real talk with Pops in the comments, and we'll come back to those. But first, if you also haven't cut the crap because you're looking to heal, this is the space for it. Something's irking you.
Something's bothering you. It could be the people around you. It could be yourself. It could be traffic. It could be the government. Whatever it is, this is the space to let it out cuz you got to let the gunk out in order to heal.
>> I got one this morning.
>> Stop playing victim.
>> Get over yourself. I am so tired of people trying to make everybody else the fault, you know. Stop playing. Stop playing victim. We see you. We see you.
I'm looking in the Where is my camera at?
>> We see you. Stop. It's just tiring, you know. Grow up, you know. Stop it. We see you. Stop playing victim. That's my Cut the crap.
>> If that If that >> If it If it hit you, it needed to. If it didn't, keep it pushing.
>> Stop playing the victim.
>> Stop playing victim.
>> All right.
>> All right, then. I'm sorry. I meant that from my chair. Needed to get that get that one out. I'm sorry. Cut the crap.
Jesus.
>> So, uh, Rock is as a, uh, attorney, if you're not the victim, you're the what?
>> PERPETRATOR.
>> I don't do criminal law.
>> Oh, Lord. C, can somebody answer the question or help me out? Why do people like to play victim?
>> Can somebody just say, "Why?" Yeah.
>> Oh, >> it's easy. Yeah. Yeah. It's easy.
>> It's so hard to take responsibility.
>> Oh god.
>> And you don't have to accept your role in the wrongdoings when you just play the victim. It's Oh, wo is me. It's >> Who is this?
>> Nobody likes me. I didn't do anything to anyone. It's always you.
>> It's sympathy. It's It's easy. I'm >> over it.
>> She's really over it. When I tell you I am over it this season in my life, I'm over it. I'm over it. Okay, somebody else. Cut the crap.
>> Cut the crap. Cut the crap.
>> Uh, Lauren >> Lauren's got something.
>> Oh, where where do I start? Um, I mean, same thing as last time. I'm tired of the politicians not doing their job >> and speaking out against what's happening in the world today.
>> You were voted into this position to do your job and a lot of them are not doing it. They're not.
>> Especially in Houston, Fort Ben County, they're worried about mess and drama and they're not doing what they're supposed to be doing for the community. So, I'm going to need y'all to do your job >> that we voted you in for >> or we will vote you out.
>> Exactly.
>> And they don't Everybody just doing what the head is doing right now. So, >> well, the worst part of it is they're making money off of us. That's the whole thing. this whole thing, everything that's going on is the people that put you in office are suffering while your pockets are getting fat >> and y'all going to gay and dressing up and taking pictures when you know >> we can't even gas. That's ridiculous food.
>> We don't even know what we eating.
>> I'm sorry. I'm You see >> see the crap.
>> Cut the crap.
Triggered. I have I'm afraid to say mine. I don't >> I might jump in on that one.
>> I don't know what's going to happen.
>> Come on, Jud. Give it to us.
>> I would like for people to stop using this is my boundary >> as an excuse for not being willing to be accountable and grow.
>> It's easy to >> Yeah. Break that down.
>> Yeah. It's easy to say, "Oh, well, this is my boundary. You can't cross it." And then I'm done. But I don't want to deal with nothing >> cuz I don't want to deal with it. It's not because it's an actual boundary. It is because I have a problem with accountability or anything that I >> see. See what I'm talking about? Victim.
>> So what I'm going to say is >> this is my boundary >> and I will not have my boundary. Carl, >> see just ridiculous.
>> Just ridiculous. Ridiculous.
>> Ridiculous. You've been watching all these random people on these podcasts coming that are not qualified qualified >> and you have learned >> a word >> a new word.
>> A new word.
>> Well, the thing is it's it's it's only a boundary when it come to you. But when it's when it's someone else, >> yes, >> there's no boundary there.
>> Come on, brother.
>> Come on, brother.
>> You feel like you can speak on them when they come to you.
>> No, that's my way. But you running your mouth over here.
>> Okay.
>> Y'all still y'all still on the victim thing then. All right.
>> Okay then. Yeah. Come on.
>> My cut the crap is going to be like real easy. You know it's too often you hear the word I love you.
>> I love you. But if you love me, check on me.
>> Love is a verb.
>> Mic drop.
>> It's an action. It is. It is. Yes. Check on me.
So we we got to do better on with checking on each other, you know, >> and and and we we naturally just love, >> you know, our brothers and our sisters and family members and stuff like this.
But we got to do better by checking on >> right >> our loved ones. If we so say we love, >> there you go.
>> Then show love.
>> Yeah.
>> Because it is an action word. It's not just a it's not a just a uh word just to say, >> right? Oh lord.
>> I tell young men all the time, you know, be careful with the L word. You know, don't say you love a girl if you really don't love her cuz it has meaning behind it.
>> So, that's what we need to do. Uh, cut the crap.
>> Stop saying I love you if you if you don't check on your peoples and all that kind of stuff, you know.
>> Okay. Cut the crap. All right. Well, I see I got two of my kids in here this morning. Good morning, Lenita. And good morning, three, Lawrence III. My baby boys in the house. All righty then. You say >> Rocky >> boy woke.
>> He woke.
>> Rocky, what is your cut the crap?
>> Yes, ma'am. You know, it it actually goes a little bit to what Unique was saying before we started the show and how you and brother Carter treat each other. M >> I was watching my nephew >> um this week when when he was with his girlfriend and they don't get to see each other very often and >> their way of showing affection >> was to pick on each other >> and that's how my boyfriend's family shows affection. They're real hard on each other. It's like the more you get hazed.
>> Oh wow.
>> That's how like because there's you know if I'm not hazing you then you know that there's no love. But it's like, >> cut the crap.
>> You can be vulnerable >> and be able to show your emotion.
>> It's a defense.
>> It is. And it's like, I'm going to I'm going to, you know, we're we're not in third grade. You don't got to pull my pigtails.
>> Yes.
>> Like, >> just just tell me you >> just say it.
>> Be nice to each other. Be kind.
>> And it's okay to be kind. It's not a weakness, >> right?
>> It's not like, "Oh, I'm I'm letting them know how much I really care about them, so okay, let me let me just jab him now.
I don't want don't get too comfortable.
>> But what what they don't realize and hopefully they'll get it or someone will tell them what they don't realize that that action becomes a habit.
>> Then it becomes how we treat each other and then one day you're going to look up and say I really don't like you because you've never respected me.
>> So need to be careful with that.
>> Well, and I understand teasing. Yes.
Like we tease each other and I'm real hard on my people, right? I know. But we're also teaching everybody around us how to treat each other.
>> We're the kids are watching us whether they're our kids or the kids that we're teaching. They are we're modeling that and they are learning that more than any words that we say cuz we'll say, "Oh, I love your action."
>> But it's your actions. And so if if your way of showing affection is only >> picking, it's like you don't realize what you're doing is you're making it so you're not a safe space >> for that other person.
>> Oh, that's good.
>> So cut that. Cut that crap. Cut that crap out.
>> Cut that crap.
>> All righty then. Okay, we got some cut the craps in here, Aaron.
>> Yes, we do have a few. Um, I'll go over some of the comments real quick. Uh, we in reference to the real talk pops, we didn't have anyone share, but we do have a comment from Robin White. Godfather Rudy is so unconditional, also known as Lauren's death.
>> We love all our fathers here in the studio and everyone out there. And it was like that's that's wonderful. We love that.
>> There was some happy birthdays for my father-in-law. You just missed him. I saw him. Okay, >> that's okay.
>> Um, and then, uh, let's see, where are we at? Uh, I'm sorry.
>> That's okay, Eron. That's okay. You're doing good.
>> Um, let's see. Uh, and then, uh, a couple other comments. Uh, back to your question about, uh, why is it easier to be victims? Uh, Ricky Getwood, he said, uh, because they don't take ownership for their actions. Brandy said to make them, uh, feel sympathy for them. Mhm.
>> Uh and then we also had uh Oh, Ricky, he came back and he said, "Victims, they're lazy, entitled, dumb, selfish, and delusional.
>> Everybody's triggered today.
>> Everybody today.
>> Get it out."
>> And then on the on the politicians, Brandy came in and said, "None of them are. It's all about the dollars."
>> Yes, it is. It's true.
>> It is.
>> And then we did have Lawrence Carter the third come. He was like, "Good morning."
And he was saying uh that like this is absolutely so true. Um and I did want to ask your thoughts on this Ricky what he said exactly. Tell them victims s y bau.
>> What does that what is he saying? Come on. I'm not >> I can come up with that would not be air quality.
>> Shut your >> Oh dang.
>> Repeat that.
>> Shut your >> another Yes. Absolutely. I got you, Ricky.
>> Okay. Thank you.
>> Okay, >> the more we know, the more we know. But we do have some of Cut the Craps as well. Um, >> uh, Brandy, she came in and said, "Never let, uh, no one make a fool of you, especially a man who is less of you."
>> Ricky Getwood came in and said, "Cut the crap on complaining so much and doing nothing about it. No one cares."
>> Right.
>> And Brandy also said, "Cut the crap on blaming others for your own faults."
>> So Brandy and Ricky had to show their own THEY SAID, "WOW, Y'ALL invite me." Get right on in here.
>> And then Albert said, "Don't force your dominance in our relation." What the crap?
>> That's real good. Read that again. That was a good one.
>> Don't force your dominance in our relation.
>> Wow.
>> Okay, then.
>> That's good. And then, uh, let's see.
Oh, wait. We do have another one that just came in from GMO Watson. In love, I'm not your puppet to be played with.
Cut the crap.
>> Okay. He in love with who? Him. He say in love. I'm in love.
>> I'm not your puppet.
>> Yeah. If I'm in love with you. I'm not your puppet.
>> Oh, okay. I like that.
>> Don't give more. Give more. Did you see how unique explained that? She had all the energy for you. Do it one more time. Say it.
Come on. Come on. Give it to like Gimmore was sitting right there. Come on.
>> Okay. You think basically he said >> in love I'm not your puppet >> don't >> don't don't play with >> just don't >> get your light okay then >> all the way together >> all the way together >> several seats more if you approve that message hit a like >> say if you fun me be with me if you're not >> don't >> go >> go >> all righty then >> there's the door >> there's the door >> all right and then do we want to circle back to the riddle now or >> yeah yeah let's let's get factor that we got.
>> I still don't know what >> I don't either.
>> All right, so as a quick refresher, hidden in plain sight, yet hard to see.
The more you search, the less you'll find me. Everyone wants me now. That part is true. But when you stop looking, the answer is right in front of you.
>> And we do have a few guesses if you want to get some ideas real quick. We had Robin White. She had said the self.
>> Ricky, he had guessed you.
And then we also had Brandy guess the future, which is really good, >> but still wrong.
>> Okay.
>> Is it the word?
>> The book >> like like the Bible. The word like like Yeah, >> it's the answer.
>> Wait, repeat that.
>> The answer.
>> Why?
>> The answer is the answer.
>> That was good. I It was right in our face.
>> Exactly. She said that. She said it was right in front of us >> because the answer was hidden in plain sight.
>> That was a good one.
>> Oh, that was a good one. Really good.
Brandy came back with the future again.
>> Who is Brandy?
>> She might be one of my friends.
>> Okay.
>> That I used to work with, I think.
>> Hey, Brandy. If you know someone on the panel, put a one in the chat.
>> Well, whoever you are, Brandy, I'm glad we have some good topics. Yeah. Yes.
Yes. All righty. Keep going, Aaron.
>> All right. Well, speaking of really good topics and things that we love talking about, I think it's time for some tea in the street.
>> Please say what you want to say is what we're here for.
It's time for tea in the streets. And remember, no matter what we cover, we're doing it the right way.
So, for those of you who don't know, Teen Streets is a fun time where uh really we're just we're we're seeing what people are saying and what they're not saying. Sometimes the wisdom and the nuggets are in like the big news that's going on and sometimes it's just in people's insights on life, which is exactly what we're going to be talking about today.
>> All righty then.
>> As a sign of intelligence or weakness, we're taking a look at how power comes out and is expressed through the kindest of people.
This week's video comes by way of Crown on Instagram. Be sure to go back and watch the full video.
>> You know, it's an old saying that says, "Never mistake a calm man for a harmless one."
>> Just because I lead with love and I lead with kindness and I'm helping people, they somehow mistake that love and compassion for a week. See, they say still waters run deep. Meaning, just because somebody ain't loud don't mean they don't lack them. See, some of us didn't become nice because life was easy for us. Some of us became nice because we seen enough of that pain and we know exactly what that darkness look like. So now we choose to lead different not because we naive but because we discipline not because you saw but because you're secure. See the most dangerous people in the room they ain't always the loudest. Sometime it's that person that's smiling, observing, helping everybody but seeing everything.
So if you ever mistake my kindness for weakness or me being greed or my patience as a as a weakness and me being quiet for me not noticing what's really going on, that's your miscalculation.
But never let people mistake your kindness for lack of intelligence.
>> There you go.
Well, I saw that one and I just felt like it's so befitting because actually what we're talking about today and then people sometime just underestimating the one that is the quietest in the room or even uh giving more power to the one that is the loudest. And so when I saw that I thought let me bring this here and see what these ladies have to say about it. So anybody want to jump on any of that?
>> Got anything to say?
>> Yes.
>> Go ahead Lauren. I know you do because that's true. That's true. And you know, >> sometimes there's a time where when your voice is your your power and when you speak up, it's that's more powerful. But in a lot of situations, when you just sit back and you you're quiet and you listen, you hear a whole lot more.
>> And that that describes me. Like if I'm upset, I'm going to get quiet. I'm going to be quiet. I'm not gonna blow up. I'm not going to You'll never hear me say, "I was just mad when I said that."
Because I can control my tongue. I know I can sit back and not say anything and process what's going on without jumping and being loud and yelling and screaming and doing all that. That's unnecessary.
>> And a lot of people >> in this world don't have that control of their emotions and of of you know, when they're upset, they lead with emotions.
And so you're loud and yelling and screaming and you talking crazy and that's unnecessary.
>> We can sit and talk like adults. We can have a conversation. That's not going to get you anywhere. And then people do mistake people who are very loud and out there as oh they're they're powerful.
They gonna get you. They gonna do that.
>> They the weakest one.
>> I tell people all the time, >> watch out for the quiet ones.
>> Yes.
>> Because those quiet ones are like strategic, analytical thinkers. Yes.
>> And so >> I mean >> I'm thinking of a way thinking of a master plan right now.
>> Yes.
>> Over there getting loud. I'm looking what happened. I'm going to exit the business.
>> When I think about that, I always think about when just think about Lawrence. Uh he is one that is, you know, he's very kind. He's a very humble, very nice person. And I always say to people, don't let that smooth taste. Don't let that kindness fool you. You know, it's not a lot that gets him rattled, >> right?
>> But when you go for his family, you go for the ones that he love. Oh, it's >> all bets off the table.
>> I think it's also important that you maintain your character no matter what the situation is in life. You know, it's okay to get angry. A lot of people get angry. It's >> that's a natural instinct sometimes.
Things that make you angry, you just get angry.
>> But don't stay in the anger. Don't become the angry >> angry person.
>> That's why so many people right now are are in jail. So many people that are un alive 6 feet under because they let the anger get the best of them >> and it took them out.
>> Yeah, that's true. And so you have to be careful that you you always need to maintain some kind of level head in life, a certain >> set of coolness about yourself, you know, cuz if you don't >> what that song say, you wreck yourself.
What that song?
>> All righty then.
>> yourself before you wreck yourself.
>> Anybody else before Aaron go to the next one or are we good? We're good. All righty.
Sorry, my microphone was off. My bad.
Um, so we did have a few comments real quick. Uh, we had Ricky, he said, "Yes, it's better to be a warrior in the garden than a gardener at war."
>> Okay, >> that was like a mic drop right there.
>> We had Chelsea Cartwright say, "Absolutely. What's understood doesn't need to be explained. Listening is discipline."
And then Ricky also came back and said, "Yes, the loudest person in the room is typically the scariest and most insecure or he probably meant most scared."
Typically the scariest and most insecure person in the room.
>> Yeah.
>> Um and then we did have a couple of uh birthday shoutouts about that.
>> Happy uh birthday, Reverend uh Reverend Reverend Lawrence Carter Senior. Enjoy your weekend. And then Lawrence Carter the third also came back and said, "Happy birthday, Pops."
>> Um and then uh Brandy also said, "Very true. Quiet people like to observe and they watch closely.
>> Oh, yeah.
>> All right. And so, very much going on brand with wisdom and unique insights from individuals. We have another one.
>> All right.
>> Happens when you push away or mistreat those you love. What are the consequences? We're taking a look at love, the consequences of abandoning it, and what it takes to get it back. This tea in the streets comes by way of divine raw feminine rising on Instagram.
Be sure to go back and watch the full real for more. Now, baby, don't push away the people who were sent to love you. Then play the victim when nothing answers back. Love is not a convenience store where you show up broke expecting credit and get mad when the cashier says, "We don't run dabs over here."
Apologies are not optional. They are the toll roads to reconciliation. And without them, every bridge burns behind you. They remind you of the version of yourself that you are afraid to see. And when you shatter that connection, you lose a reminder of who you've been. If you've handled love with care, don't let pride make you thirsty while pouring out the water that was meant to save you.
Because once grace get tires, it doesn't leave breadcrumbs, it leaves. You can be your own calamity that leads people to abandon you.
>> A whole lot in that.
I'm just saying. Okay. Uh again, it goes back to victim for me. Um Lauren, you looked at me, you gave me that she gave me that sister like, "Girl, you really are putting this out here today." H I am because it's just we have to stop. And especially us women, >> we got to stop this victim thing. I mean, it's it's not cute. And it does it looks like, oh, raggedy clothes you need to get rid of. It just it's not cute.
It's um the deod you're not using deodorant because it's s you're smelling and um nobody wants to be around you.
It's just stop. And so again, this is something else I saw and I just thought >> it's befitting for the season.
>> All righty then. Come on, Lauren. Give me what your thought is. You already know.
>> I already know.
>> Um so healing plays a very important role in what she's saying.
>> Yeah. Um because if you don't heal from the trauma that you've had from past relationships, you're you're never going to be able to thrive in a healthy relationship, >> right?
>> And healing will help you. You know, I went to therapy for years after my abusive relationship and I focused on me for a while because I just didn't have the I couldn't trust anybody. I was always thinking somebody's out to get me or when when you going to act a fool with me or what's going on and I realized I can't act like that. I can't do that.
>> Treat everybody on the same level.
>> Absolutely.
>> And when somebody comes along that genuinely wants to be with you, genuinely care about you and you see that you you know you know it's that you don't have to beg for communication. You don't have to beg to for them to come around and spend time, you know. So, you have to really let your guard down and trust that person enough >> to say, "Okay, I'm I'm willing to work on this, right?"
>> So, now the the health relationship I'm in now, it's so much it's different.
>> It's different.
>> And so, even now, I have to continue to this is healthy, Lauren. It's fine.
Like, you're fine. You know, you have to continue to work on yourself >> because that thing still keep popping up. Of course.
>> Yeah. Because it's familiar.
>> Yes.
>> Mhm. But it's also familiar to the ones that you've abused.
>> Absolutely.
>> Yeah. So it pops up when those behaviors continue to happen.
>> Yep. That was good. All righty then.
>> So how do you when you see it pop up, you just remind yourself like you saying this is healthy or what what does that look like?
>> Yeah. I mean it's when you're used to >> something must trigger it when >> some things now the relationship I'm in now I don't really get triggered.
>> Okay. But if I myself like, you know, thinking negatively, I'd be like, "Wait, this he didn't do nothing to you." Like, you're you're going on what happened in the past. That's not anything he's done.
>> You're projecting that.
>> You're projecting that. Yeah. So, I just Okay. Just sit with it. I'm going to trust you enough, but if you show me I can't trust you, then I'll stop trusting you.
>> That's rough. So, >> that's good.
>> All righty.
>> I'm sure that's a thing there. I'm looking at Rocky.
You don't have nothing. You do.
>> I felt it all over here.
>> I feel like it it can be complicated when somebody is acting out, acting a victim or not.
And we're not going to get into the weeds on that, but >> I also feel like sometimes when people think that they're victims, there's an overcompensation.
M >> and now they're going to make sure they're not going to be victimized and then they start imposing that behavior on others.
>> I agree with that. I agree with that.
>> Kind of with Uni's, you know, that's my boundary, you know. Well, hold on.
>> Well, I think I agree with that. But I think at some point you need to seek help or because everybody can't keep telling you the same thing. Uh and I'm a firm believer that you see your faults before anybody else. It's kind of like um my mother used to say when we're younger, >> you smell yourself before anybody else smell you.
>> So, at some point, you ought to be tired of smelling yourself.
>> It's recognizing that that's what you're doing >> because you've gotten familiar with the odor, so it don't stink to you anymore >> or you think it's something else. Like, I have a friend who recently brought somebody in as a team member.
>> Okay?
>> And that team member comes from a pretty significant trauma history. Okay.
>> In work, in work spaces and in life and in everything.
>> And so they encountered a situation where suddenly that person shut down >> and just started acting a fool >> and just very unprofessional, rude, but they the friend of mine just let everything calm down. And then the next day instead of saying, "What is your problem?
>> You need to get your act together.
>> You're acting like you know blah blah blah." They said, "What is going on with you?
>> Something is wrong."
>> Yes. So, they >> we're here >> for you.
>> We love you.
>> What is happening right now?
>> And interrupted that cycle because what happens is this person acts this way and then that person responds, then that person.
>> But what happens when you've tried and tried and tried?
>> That's when you have an actual boundary.
>> No.
>> And that's the difference between supporting and enabling.
>> Very good. Okay. Thank you. So, we got to the point again.
So in life uh sometime there are really we're not saying on love and v victory show that there there are no victims in life.
>> Mhm. No, we're not saying that >> there are people that are very much victims in situations in their lives.
>> Absolutely.
>> And so we're not in talking about those people. We're talking about people that are >> just being victimized in in a common conversation. people that's just it's nothing going on. What are you going crazy about? Okay, >> slow down. That's what we talking about.
Y'all that do act a fool like that when it's not there's nothing to act a fool about.
>> Not that serious.
>> Come on.
>> I think that somewhere especially after my generation, people were so damaged uh they felt like they were that they started telling people coming up, "Oh, get it out emotionally. Get it out. Say it. say it, but no one taught them how to do it, how to do it, process it. Yes. So, you have a whole bunch of people who just however it comes, >> it just comes.
>> It just comes and they think >> and they think it's okay >> because I was taught not to hold it in.
So, that's healthier. However, no one taught them how to say it, how to express it, to do it when to say it, >> for what the purpose is. It's not just saying it for the sake of saying it.
>> That's the thing. And then as far as the trauma of it all, if you feel like you had a trauma, no one taught them to get help to heal, >> that's real good >> because >> and that's where >> if you go to therapy, you crazy right behind that you're crazy.
>> Oh, can't y'all tell we going to have a good call? We just It's already time for us to start the second half of the show, but we got to get a break in cuz >> I cannot say cuz I got to leave the show early tonight. Okay, go ahead.
>> But, you know, uh, you know, if you're having uh trauma-like conversations with someone >> that does not hear you or listen to you or allow you to vomit, should I say, >> you you you it's just like turning around talking to the wall or something like that.
>> Yeah. So you making yourself the damn fool in the midst of of trying to release yourself from something. If you're going to talk to somebody, talk to somebody that's going to listen to you, >> that's going to allow you to to have your emotion, your feelings, and all these different things allow you to do that again. But when you're talking to somebody that's not receptive to that, I mean, you you just turn around, talk to a wall, talk to a stop sign, a sign board or something.
>> Stop talking to that those individuals that not listening to you.
>> Oh, okay.
>> And so that'll stop you from being >> so victimized right there.
>> We heard from brother Carter.
>> Brother Carter. Brother Carter. You did.
That was a word. Yeah. Wow.
>> Another word. Go get you some help.
Right.
>> All righty then, y'all. We have a We're going to take a quick quick break cuz Aaron is kind of perturred at me over here cuz we done ran over and Aaron's like, "Break time. Break time." So, we're going to take a quick break and we'll come right back in. Aaron, give him a good song.
>> Maybe you should analyze.
You always putting up a fight cuz you can't see past what's in front of you. And you don't do the things that I want you to.
I made it so easy.
It don't got to be this difficult.
You make it so difficult. Made your bed, now you lay up alone.
You said you love me, then showed me you don't.
You can't be serious. Serious. Serious.
You can't be serious. Serious. Serious.
More like the lyrics.
Yeah.
You think you done, but you ain't serious. Put your pride aside. What's really going on inside your mind to make you think that you ain't cross the line?
Wouldn't believe it if I told you.
>> Seem like we falling out of place.
Removed you from my space. Know you press cuz you got me blocked. block the only way to stay. I ain't on that page.
There ain't nothing left for me to say.
Made your bed. Now you lay up alone.
You said you love me then showed me you don't.
You can't be serious. Serious serious.
You can't be serious. Serious serious.
More like the lyrics. Yeah.
You think you're done, but you ain't serious.
You think you're done, but you ain't serious.
You know that I don't need nobody to make me feel the way I should.
There is no amount of money could make me change my ways. I'm good.
Now I >> Cuz now I'm doing me. Now I'm choosing me.
Everything I be. I'm just being me. Now I see he's got his hands on me.
I can be real.
you feel I don't need your validation.
I know just what my time is worth.
No more needless conversation.
That's not what my heart deserves.
Cuz now I'm doing me. Now I'm choosing.
I'll give you everything I'll be. I'm just being me. Now I see he's got his hands on me. Got a plan for me. I can be free. I feel so I feel so >> feelless.
Feel.
>> You got me feeling feeling.
You got me feeling feeling. You make me stronger.
Now I'm doing me. Cuz now I'm doing. Now I'm choosing me. I'm guiltree.
Everything I'll be. I'm just being me.
Now I see you. Got his hands on me. God meant for me. I can feel it. Feel it.
Feel it. Feel it.
>> Cuz now I'm doing me. Now I'm choosing me. I'm guiltree. Everything I be, I'm just being me. Now I see God on me. Got a f on me. I can be feeling feeling.
Feel it. Feel it.
Late in the night and I'm faded. Say that you're not going to make it. That's two times in a row. You feel so curving.
It's overdue. Lately you're testing my patience. Baby, I think you must be mistaken.
I could find me somebody new, but they won't compare the truth. Girl, you got me, you got key, but slightly you get underneath my skin and it drowns me to no end. Look, I ain't worried cuz they're not me, just a copy. But if you're searching for more, I tell you what you already know.
Say, baby, if you're looking for love, girl, lady, you're about to find it. You can't keep holding on over us. You got to be willing to trust in something. If you're really looking for love, lady, you know it's right here. It'll come when you open up. Till then, we'll keep in touch. We'll keep in touch. Keep in touch. We'll keep in touch. Keep in touch. You know that keep in touch.
We'll keep in touch. Keep in touch.
Too late. No way. Drop dick chase a cold case. You get what you want from them names. Trust me, we're not in the same race. You're worth a good chasing. I thought about it. I put it on the line, but you run around it. You say you need your space, so I bought a rocket. Came back in the same place cuz you got me got me. Take it underneath my skin and it draws me to no end. Look, I ain't worried cuz just got me. But if you're searching for more, I tell you what you already know.
Baby, if you're looking for love, lady, you're about to find this.
You got to be willing to trust in something. If you're really looking for love, you know it's right here. It'll come when you open up.
>> Till then, we'll keep in touch. We'll keep in touch.
We'll keep in touch.
>> Welcome to the Love and Victory Show with Val, where we will bring you candid conversation. In each conversation, we will talk about real life ups and downs while tackling unresolved matters. We will also unmask issues and truly speak straightforward and candid about our needs and brokenness while allowing ourselves to exhale so that we can become victorious. This is a place where you can be open to the possibilities of living life in abundance while gaining tools to become bold and complete. So, let's get to it.
We have amazing guests each week and today is no exception. Join us as we change lives one conversation at a time.
You know what to do. Now, let's get to it.
Welcome back. Welcome back. I am so excited and ready for the second half of this show. But before we go there, Aaron, I need you to bring these guests to the stage. Bring them to the stage, Aaron.
>> Absolutely. Absolutely. So, up first, we have the one and the only powerhouse attorney, Miss Rocky Pilgrim. Hello.
Hello. Hello.
>> She is definitely no stranger to the Love and Victory Show with Val. And uh as a native Texan and the family law attorney, she's got over 20 years of experience helping people navigate life's toughest uh transitions. and she's so passionate about guiding people through conflict with compassion and clarity and strength and she knows because she knows how to serve families and their legal situations. She does it with such grace and poise and it's just awesome. So, welcome here to the studio.
That was so nice.
>> Oh, it was the truth. It was the truth.
>> That's you. All right. Welcome.
>> And then up next, we have the one and only Miss Unique here in the studio.
>> That's right. Uni came to us by way of vow uh and as a teacher she speaks life into her students and seeks to make the world a better place. She's an educator, a mother and she's worked in multiple fields from customer service to education and nothing has taught her more than the school of life and is she is a firm believer that perception is only 20%. The rest is experience. So welcome again here unique.
>> Yes and she is unique.
And then last but not least, we have the one and only Miss Lauren Lyman back here again today. Uh she is an accomplished registered nurse who uses her skill skills to help women see life in a new and freeing way. Uh she helps women rise from the ashes to create a life filled with confidence, joy, and personal growth. And she's always uh seeing it as it's a time to heal and thrive. And so, welcome here to the studio today.
>> Welcome ladies. Welcome. and she came to us by way of Ricky.
>> Alrighty then. Let's keep it moving.
Aaron, >> if I may for a sec quick second.
>> Okay. You got them shoes on.
>> Unique. Uh I want to talk about unique cuz the first time I saw you at quotes over there, I said that lady looks just like my mother.
>> He did. He did say that.
>> She look like a young Adale >> over there. So, and I fell in love with you without even knowing who you were.
>> Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
>> So, Unique, we did meet her at Quotes over there, I believe. Shout out to Quotes.
>> And uh we were just sitting next to each other, and they were just having conversation, her and her girlfriend, and then all of a sudden, I don't know how it happened, but we all ended up together.
>> Yes. Yes.
>> And and you know, one of the things, and I'm glad you brought that up. You know, a lot of times we see people and we there's a familiar spirit or you know, sometime women, oh, a guy say something to you. Oh, he's he's trying to be fresh or we don't even want to talk to other women and we miss out. And I'm so glad that you answered the call. She was just being herself unique >> and that person we left quotes and we end up going somewhere else. Uh but it's just good when God connects you with good people, good solid people that are not afraid to >> um share their story.
>> Amen.
>> So yeah.
>> All right. So I just wanted to give you that shout out.
>> Thank you.
>> All right. It's a unique show.
>> We definitely uh we even have people here in the comments being like, "We love Rocky. Rocky's awesome."
of course.
>> And we also got some support for Lauren here. She's like so proud of you, my amazing cousin.
>> And you're an inspiration.
>> I do want to say something about Rocky before I move on. And I say it every time. Rocky is not just an attorney. You know, most of the time when we hear attorneys, we think crooks. You know, I'm sorry. I'm gonna be honest. She is a good person through and through. Uh Rocky's been around almost as long as my show has been around and she's been consistent. Uh she showed up the very first time showing her unique self, her her true self, her authentic self, and then she has uh found her way into my family, into my house, and into my heart. Uh so Unique and uh Lauren and um Rocky, you ladies are special to me. and brother Carter in a special way and we will forever be grateful. Thank you.
>> Well, we love you.
>> Yeah, we love y'all though.
>> I'm seven minutes away waiting on dinner the invite. Huh?
>> Throw that in there. Okay, I got you. I got you. I got you. All right, it is time for the acronym.
>> Yes. So, this week's acronym is refuge.
>> R is for resilience. an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. E is for enmity, deep-seated active and typically mutual hatred or ill will towards someone. F is for forgive, to consciously cease to feel resentment against an offender and the desire for revenge for someone who has wronged you.
>> U is for unrest, a disturbed, uneasy or turbulent state. G is for grief, a deep and poignant distress caused by significant loss. And lastly, E for empower. To give someone or something the authority, confidence, or legal right to do something.
>> Alrighty then. And keep it up. And before we go, y'all know I like you guys to take a word from here that resonated with you and tell us why. And I'll start off with myself. I want to say forgive.
Uh that used to be a very hard word for me and it was a very hard thing for me to do because I felt like if I forgave that person then what about what they did to me and so my mom would always tell me forgiveness is not about the other person it's about you. Lawrence would always tell me the same thing and I'm like but y'all forgetting about me you know when victim >> Yes. That's exactly what that was. you know, when you have truly forgiven someone, it's when you don't react to the behaviors anymore.
>> And so, I can say for myself, getting on the other side, I'm so grateful that my mom, my husband, you know, really kept on me, even though I couldn't stand them. And I every time they would say that to me, I felt like they left me out there alone. Uh they left me fighting by myself, but they were really fighting for me in the midst of it. I'm grateful for it because when you get on the other side, it's nothing they can do anymore.
It just doesn't even feel like it. That forgiveness thing is real. So I have to say forgive.
>> Yeah, >> that's my word.
>> All righty then. Rocky, what word stands out to you?
>> You know, I want to say empower.
>> But for some reason this morning, grief.
M >> is the one that is standing out.
>> And I'm not actually sure why, but that I feel like I need to call that one out.
>> Wow.
>> And >> and why?
>> You know, I'm not sure. I think I think maybe we don't pay enough attention to the need for intentional grieving.
>> Like we feel grief >> and then we run from it. We want to hide from our feelings. want to let it go.
>> And you know, my father passed away.
It's coming up on his 10th anniversary.
>> And I will say I have not properly grieved that loss because we jumped right into needing to help my mom and >> taking care of all the things that come with that kind of unexpected event.
And I think that there's both the need to have the process of grieving happen and acknowledge it and honor it, >> but you don't live there.
>> All right.
>> You don't wallow. You don't stay there forever and ever.
>> And so, so I think that's my word. I think that's that's the one that that just keeps >> flashing. I think that's a good one. And I think that uh someone said something to me um not too long ago about grief.
You can still grieve and and grieve a situation, >> grieve a person. They can be right here with you, but it's the process that you have to go through. So, you can't run from it. Like you said, you have to allow yourself that time. All righty then.
>> That's a good word to shed uh light on.
>> Yeah. You know, cuz a lot of people do run from grief.
>> They don't want to deal with those that emotion.
>> Deal with this.
>> Yeah. All righty. Unique, >> are you down there praying? I see your eyes down. nor is it something else going on.
>> I'm claiming what brother Carter put over me.
>> Mine would have to be unrest.
>> How did How did I know you was going to say that?
>> I didn't know that.
>> Okay. Um for many reasons. Um as you all know, I'm working on my doctorate in psychology.
>> Um >> highly educated.
>> Right. All right.
doctor.
>> A actual one.
>> Yes, actual celebr.
>> But um >> that's a beautiful thing.
>> I say unrest mainly because >> I think that sometimes in life people get complacent.
>> And it's not that you can't do anything more or do better.
>> It's just It's like why why >> why do it and then you can come up with 15 different reasons >> as to why not >> when the greatest reason should be >> why. And so for me unrest is is one of those things. Um as you and I discussed I've been in pharmacy for 18 years. Like it's it's I'm always about the betterment >> and I also >> You've been in pharmacy.
>> Yes.
>> Oh wow. Did I miss that? You pharmacy in school? I thought you was an educator.
What you teach?
>> I do. I teach statistics.
>> Oh, >> but I work overnight. 7:00 p.m. to 3:30 a.m.
>> Oh, girl, you just you always rest.
But I just feel that everything >> when when you move like that.
>> Yeah.
>> There is a place where it all ties >> 100%.
>> And you don't always know why.
>> Yeah.
>> Until >> it happens.
>> Until you know why.
>> It is so funny you say that, Lawrence.
Doesn't I've said this so many times.
It's like, okay, God had me here. He had me here. He had me doing this. He had me doing that. None of it made sense when it was happen. But when it all came together, it was like riding a bike. It all made sense.
>> And you had everything you need.
>> You get everything you need.
>> He I feel like he makes no mistakes.
>> So for the people who can come up with 15 reasons why not, >> if it stays on you, >> trust me, there's a big why. Exactly.
>> Just move in it.
>> Even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else, right? Cuz I hear all the time, "Girl, you're not tired." I am. I am.
>> I am.
>> However, >> I'm not giving up.
>> That goal.
>> Yeah. So, it now >> it's making sense.
>> It's making sense.
>> Yeah. So, you have I think that unrest >> unrest. Young you >> do it.
>> Do it. That's good.
>> Listen.
>> Okay.
>> That's a good message right there.
>> All right. Come on, Lauren. What's your word?
>> So, my word.
>> Can you put it back up, please? Thank you.
>> She already >> They all kind of They all kind of come together. The resilience >> because >> all of us have been through things >> and we have persevered. We have thrived.
We have moved past that. And you know, >> like you said, unrest. Mhm.
>> When you have a purpose on your life, sometimes you have to be resilient and go through the hard times and the storms to get what your purpose is.
>> Because for the life of me, I couldn't understand why God, why would you put me in a domestic violent relationship? I why would I go through this? What did I do to deserve this treatment? And it wasn't until I was out of it and the unrest hit, God was like, "You need to talk about this. Nobody talks about this. You need to talk about it. You need to tell your story. You need to uh put it out there because nobody speaks about it." And when I when I was in it, I didn't have anybody that I could relate to or talk to. So that unrest >> was, you know, it was real. And it wasn't until I started to talk about it.
I started to uh tell people my story that people would reach out to me and ask me to help them. And um I'm on a board for one of the uh domestic violence shelters in Pasadena now so I can help them do that. So it's become my passion and it's also become what God's wanted me to do.
>> It's your drive.
>> Yes.
>> And so it's letting it out. I don't feel traumatized by talking about it because I know I can help someone with that with my story. If I can help one person get out of that situation or get them the resources, I know I'm doing what God's called me to do.
>> And I think it's so funny you say that and yes, that is what I said, but I think that people that don't understand when you get to that place.
>> Yes.
>> It's not that you're reliving it again, it's almost like, oh, I can breathe. So, I want to give the people a chance to come on. It's gonna be okay on the other side. I got you. You can make it, too.
>> I I'm a a survivor, so you can do it.
>> And for people that haven't experienced that, >> it's hard.
>> It's hard for them because they they care about you so much and they're afraid of you going back through that trauma, but you're you're over it.
>> Yeah. And then forgiving. Yeah. That goes back to forgiving. It does. You have to forgive someone who's never apologized to you, who doesn't think they did anything wrong. And it's not for them. It's for you.
>> It's for you.
>> But also, you can forgive anybody, but you don't ever have to let them be in your space or be around you.
>> That's the part and and that's that's healing for you. You don't worry about them.
>> And I think and and I know we need to keep going with this show, but this is the show. I I think that we have to get past this thing of feeling like I have to that person should still have access.
>> No.
because it's not because that thing is so unhealthy.
>> You know, you God has moved you on.
You've done the work >> and uh you hope that they can do the work, but if they haven't, >> you're letting that unhealthiness back in that's going to take you backwards of all the work that you've done. So, uh we have to get past that thing of well, I just kind of let them. No. Hell no. And sometimes you do have to deal with your abuser. If I have kids with mine, so I have to communicate. I have to say >> I have to co-parent with that. But that access stops there.
>> Yeah. And that's the thing. You you you're there's a boundary there. Yes.
You're letting them in. It's not that you're saying, >> "Well, for me, you're there.
>> You have every right to be there, but this is how far you go."
>> Yeah. You know you.
>> So, so when he show up and say, "Oh, Lord, it sure is looking good. I sure miss you, baby."
>> It does not get better from me at all.
Kids in the back just your baby's up and gone on out the door. See you later, son. Have a good time.
>> Call me if you need me.
>> I don't You just don't respond to it at all.
>> At all.
>> Our messages are monitored. Yes.
>> As far as text messages, there are parenting apps that you can >> put on your phone. the judge has access.
You can >> and I'm really I'm really happy about that because the >> person that is no longer there and sometime the person that's there is manipulating.
>> Absolutely.
>> And so you it makes it difficult for the present person as well as the person that's not there when there is manipulation going on. Absolutely. And so one of the things I always think about is how do we and we'll get into the abuse thing. How do we when we have kids >> that have uh that are a part or have been reared or birthed in a domestic violence situation, >> how do we teach them to love but also >> protect them >> from the manipulation and abuse because you know that they're a narcissist.
>> That's a that's a difficult situation.
This is this is your this is your mom and >> it's not difficult because >> for a kid I'm talking about >> no you missed what I said. I said how do because if you've done the work and we have attorneys we have people that have lived it >> and so I'm going to ask the women that's here on >> I lived it too.
>> Oh okay then. Oh you have? That's true.
So I'm going to ask how how do you protect the kid? And I'm going to start from a legal perspective. This is a great way to jump into this conversation.
>> Uh, my word is forgiveness also.
>> And I'll tell you why.
>> Y'all see how he get me together? He got me together.
Baby, I'm handling. Get boo said before you go anywhere.
>> Look. Hey y'all. He said no. He eat girl. He made me eat. He said on the flag on the plate. I'm so sorry.
Forgiveness is is a is a powerful thing because it's not a easy thing to do.
>> And so it is very empowering also >> to be able to forgive uh yourself.
>> Oh, >> more than trying to forgive someone else.
>> Amen to that one.
>> Yeah. Yeah. And so you got to practice that forgiveness is like they like like everybody said on the panel today, the forgiveness is not necessarily for the other person.
>> But people often looking for forgiveness to I forgive you for what you've done, but you don't forgive yourself. You don't forgive that that young lad in your life that allowed >> Yeah. Yeah. that play >> and see see and and then so and for choices that we make >> you know I heard Lauren say God why you putting me in this situation >> well not necessarily God put us in situations >> sometime we choose >> make decision >> situations it's it's our decisions that we make in life that puts us where we are in life >> so >> that's where forgiveness have to come in >> we wouldn't got it in the first place and then we want to say God why you put me in there.
>> Yeah. That's where forgiveness plays a huge part and >> cuz the decisions that we make sometime God forgive me >> right >> for making that decision for not following your guidance.
And so we going want to make sure that we just make sure we focus that thing on ourselves more than someone else.
>> I'm glad you said that because one of my favorite songs is by Pastor Mike Jr. and it's God don't fix it fix me. Mhm.
>> Mhm.
>> And I know in my situation, it was easy to say, "I'm experiencing. I'm exper."
And then once I was out of it, just like you, and you go to therapy and everything, you start to realize >> I definitely played a part, right? I And I have to be accountable for everything I did or didn't have to do.
>> And every time I said, "You're out." And then rene >> I was a reigger.
>> Yeah.
And I feel you start taking yourself >> you took yourself out of the victimship of life.
>> Yes. But it takes time. And and like all of you are basically saying, >> we all have to be accountable because even though you're present, when you're present, you play a role.
>> Like I said, whether it whether it is verbal or nonverbal, active or inactive, we all play that role.
>> So yeah.
>> Amen. That's That's real good. Okay then.
>> Okay. You look puzzled over there.
>> I wasn't puzzled at all. I was I was so in tune. I was I was sending Aaron a message cuz she was over here so in tuned into the show.
>> I just sent her a message. She wasn't paying no mind to it. But that's okay.
We going to get this we going to get this conversation started. And >> so what's the title of the show?
>> The title of the show today.
>> Did we do that be before we did the >> We didn't. That's okay.
>> We didn't even do the title. just came in right with the jump right in. We jump right in. I call it love, but it was trauma.
>> I call it love, but it was trauma. With that being said, we're going to jump right into the questions. The Carter crew have gotten in here and they want to be a part of this conversation and I love you guys so much for they keep putting their questions in here and they're and they're telling us how they want to do the show. Some people write whole books.
They want to get healed.
We're going to start off. Aaron and I have already kind of discussed on how we going to go. Aaron, let's go with the first question and then we're going to do that message I just sent you. You're going to do all that simultaneously.
>> Right. So, unfortunately, the first question is addressed to you specifically.
>> Girl, I got to see it. Okay.
All right. I got it does say Val, how do you stop grieving the old plan so you can actually focus on the new one?
>> Wow.
>> Oh wow.
>> How do you stop grieving the old plan >> so you can start actually >> get out of your own selfway? You know, I have to say for me uh the old plan is the plan that I had in my head of how I thought things were supposed to look, how I thought things were supposed to be. I didn't even consider God because I didn't know him. I didn't have that relationship. And so I kept operating in a place that was what I thought was what my life was supposed to look like. And so I got to say, seek God >> and seek guidance, seek direction. And sometime that looks different for you than it does for me. Um >> God put the right people in my life even though I didn't want to hear it because I couldn't see him at first. You know, when you've been through some of the things that I've been through in my life and some of the things that I've seen, you're like, where is God in there?
There was I didn't have that relationship. Even though I went to church, I didn't have that personal relationship. And so, but God sent people. He loved me so much that he sent people long before I had to deal with that in my life. So, uh, literally, um, all I can say is see God in them. I'mma I'mma help you out a little bit if I could.
>> Come on, baby. That's >> because you you say you didn't know God at the time. There are a lot of people that are in God and been in God all their lives, all their days, >> and yet they still make bad decisions.
>> Come on, baby.
>> And so, you don't blame it on God. It was just a time you was just making decisions on your own. that people like you say, people that are in church, in Christ, in preaching and all these different things in church still make bad decisions. And and so when it come to uh the past, >> that's just >> that's that's one of those things you got to let be in the past.
>> You just got to you just got to remind yourself that's the past. That's over. I don't care how good she was or how good he was. Uh uh how good that food tasted that you don't want to eat no more. It's in the past.
>> It's in the past.
>> Put it in the past and leave it in your rear view mirror.
>> I think what I think what I'm really trying to say more than anything, not so much that I didn't know God. I'm speaking of the relationship.
>> You know, we talk about on the Victory Show, you need to gain a relationship with him. But I have to be transparent with everyone. Everyone is at different levels in what they think a relationship is with him. And for me, >> the relationship what I was taught, which is different from my my husband, my mom did the best she could do. My dad did the best. So, we went to church. They sent us to church. My mom was at work. So, I gained a relationship. I'm going to church cuz I'm going to get me some donuts. You know, I'm I kid you not. So it wasn't about but they did the best because they put me in the place that I needed to be in where my husband's mother took them to church >> and so and she broke the word down for them. But my mother for me my mother exhibited the word for me.
>> So in her actions were she's going to go and make sure that we have what we need that we that she showed love, she showed kindness, she showed meekness, she showed all of that. So she even though I didn't know >> Yeah. She was teaching me that. So I just say for me personally, if I'm answering that question right, you got to go in.
>> That's that's okay.
You have the same relationship >> that I have, that Rocky have, that Unique have, that Lauren have. We all have the same relationship cuz there's only one father.
>> Yeah. There's only one.
>> There's only one God. Mhm.
>> And so if there's only one God and there's only one father, >> then we all have the same father, we have all have the same access.
>> And so we all He loves us all.
>> So he there the whole time.
>> Yeah. He's right there the whole time.
That's great. When when when the when the thing called Calvary Hill happened, when Jesus went to Calvary Hill over 2,000 some odd years ago, he had you in mind, >> baby. Yes, he did. you wasn't even thought of yet.
>> Yes, he did.
>> But he still hung bled and died for your sins that you commit now his forth and forever. He died for it anyway. He shed his blood for it.
>> So you have the same father, the same access. So people stop stop talking about I didn't have relationship. Yes, you did have relationship.
>> He is baby go wrap that thing. That's why >> you know cuz uh cuz wait no I'm going to say this cuz cuz this is a real thing.
>> Okay. Thank you.
>> Because people see some people >> being able to pray and speak of the Lord and all these different things and they think they're not >> there >> at the same place. No. No. You are the same place that the person that's sitting up here saying Jesus Jesus Jesus every day and you say Jesus every now and again. You in the same place.
>> Ain't no different >> cuz it ain't it ain't no there's only but one God.
>> Okay, brother Carter.
>> There's one father over all of us.
>> Okay, brother Carter, we got you.
>> I don't know about your people, but I feel hit.
>> Okay. All right.
Well, I I just want to make sure that people stop having a lack of confidence in their abilities and other feelings about Jesus Christ.
>> Okay, then >> there's only one.
>> All right. All right. Aaron, you and I have talked you got a couple of things you need to do each year.
>> Cuz I got to get off the show early today. So, I GOT it on there. Bring everybody on and do what you got to do.
>> All right. All right. All right. So, uh, well, the word did have the word grieve.
>> Aaron, you got to go in order of the communication that I gave you and this all of this here. Go on ahead and roll it on down.
>> Right. No, no, I 100% agree. But I did want to bring up the question again because I had the word grief, which had me thinking of Rocky because that was her word, >> and so I would love for you to elaborate on this question as well.
This is going to sound a little harsh, >> but you just have to decide to do it.
>> You have to pause and you have to make the decision.
I'm at the I I am at the point where I need something different >> and I am choosing to to create my life. And it's I know it sounds easy. I have been through my own bits of therapy.
I have gone through some things. I have pushed my religious teachers. I have pushed my therapists. And every time we have the conversation and it circles back around, okay, I understand the triggers. Okay, I understand why. I understand the past. I understand where I want to go. How do I get there?
>> And it comes down to that damn Nike slogan.
>> Just do it.
>> Just do it. You got to just do it.
>> Yeah. And it's easier said than done, but that means once you know that you're you're ready to move forward, then you say, "Okay, what support do I need?"
>> Mhm.
>> What do I need? Because I know that once I hit this obstacle, I'm going to backtrack. I'm going to eat that Snickers ice cream bar. I'm going to go back out with them just for coffee. I'm going to, you know, I'm going to act like I'm going to make time for my new degree. You know, >> act like >> you have to just make the decision.
>> Yeah.
>> And then and then do it. It's what a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
>> Take the step and realize that it's not a linear path.
>> Once you make the decision doesn't mean that okay, I decided to do it that why aren't I there yet? And how I why do I backtrack? Why why was it so easy for a little bit and now it feels insurmountable? Mhm.
>> That's going to happen and that's okay.
Just realize that's part of the plan.
That's part of the path and just stick to it.
>> Yeah. It's it's like a uh like a Ricky can contest to this. It's like a workout plan. If you you heavy set, so to speak, bottom bottom bottom and you and you want you want to do your best, you want to you made a decision, okay, that I want to work out. I'm going to take some of this bottom off me.
But you go there and you work out the first two days and you don't see no results and you want to give in and give up cuz cuz the devil didn't told you you you're not seeing it any uh uh success at this right now >> and and and that's what it start telling you and you want to give up on the things. So I want to encourage you not to ever give up on your hopes and your dreams. Uh like I was teaching my grandson there that that that's here with us for a couple of weeks right now about his plans to be you know >> professional >> professional >> player in football. Don't put all your eggs in just that one batch.
>> Put your eggs in education or something that you know >> but >> if that's your desire, that's your dream, >> work at it.
>> Yeah.
>> Hard. Go at it hard and heavy and and be consistent. Don't give up because you don't see your muscles show up like grandpa muscles. You know this like >> but at the same time >> don't be afraid to change course. Yeah.
And that's part of honoring and saying you know what that was my plan. That's what I thought my plan was.
>> Honor that and say you know at that season in my life that was that would have been perfect and I really wish that would have happened. Allow yourself that time to acknowledge, man, that >> I think that is so good because I think and that goes back to what I was saying earlier. We have our own plan, but God has another plan for us. So, you have to be okay with the shift when it happens because it's going to be a shift, right?
>> And maybe it's a shift in going forward in that direction or maybe it's a shift completely different and you have to be okay in that. This this is one thing I always talk about to to my loved ones.
Life is full of adjustments.
>> And so if you live long enough, trust and believe things are going to shift in your life.
>> And you got to be able to adapt to the or adjust. Amen. Should I say to those things situations in life that that shift on you?
>> Uh one day somebody not going to be with you no more. That's going to be an adjustment you going to have to make in your life.
>> One day your job situation might change.
>> You're going to have to make an adjustment to those situations in your life. One day you going to get pregnant.
Uh uh. Amen. I'm talking to some young people out there.
>> One day you might get pregnant. You're going to have to make adjustments. So that's what life is all about. Life is just making adjustments to every situation that come in your life. Cuz there are going to be situations come in your life. Period. End of the day. End of story. They coming.
>> Okay, I'm going to ask this and I'm going to jump right in. I love that.
When you had to make the adjustment in your abusive situation, what did that look like for you? And then did you seek legal counsel? And I'm going to I'm going to start over here with Lauren and then I'm going to go to Unique and then I'm going to ask Rocky, why is that such a big advocate? Why is that such a big thing for you? And did you personally uh have to leave >> before you go to all of that? And you know I got to tell the people out there, you know, brother Carter is going to exit the building right now.
>> Oh lord. Yeah. Hold on. Do not leave cuz brother Carter is leaving. Y'all know how much I love you.
>> I have another engagement we're going to attend. Uh all the men in my family are getting together today. And so uh I don't know what that's going to be.
That's going to be that's something unique as I look at her that we're doing today. So I I want to be a part of that.
So I'm going to have to exit here today.
Uh I love you guys, man. God bless you.
I just pray that you just God just cover your life and do all the wonderful and marvelous things that you want happen want to happen in your life happen.
Amen. So we love you. God bless you and we'll see you next week.
>> All righty then, brother Carter. Wait a way to go. Bring him. There you go. All right, then. So, I'm going to start off with >> Lauren.
>> Okay.
>> And do you remember the question?
>> Um, how I got out.
>> Yes. Yeah. What was it? Oh, y'all just so loud. I tell y'all know we stuff going on. Do not act like this is not the Love and Victory Show with Val. We put it on out there. Lauren, do you how you got out? And when did you know did you communicate? Oh, did >> Yes. Okay. So, um, >> paint us a picture.
>> My I had like an epiphany moment.
>> Mhm.
>> And it was he wasn't hitting me, but one day he was so upset that a dish wasn't washed correctly at the house that >> he was a narcissist.
>> Very much so. A malignant narcissist.
>> Oh, wow. And >> what's the difference between just a nar and a malignant? Malignant narcissist will do any and everything to to keep that mask on to he'll lie, cheat, steal.
Just they're malignant.
>> So I think of it like cancer. You have benign and you have malignant.
>> Jesus. Y'all hear these ladies over here? He might be running over a little bit here.
>> Yes. This is good. Okay.
>> Um but I um the dish wasn't washed well.
I'd washed the dish. It wasn't washed well and he was cooking. and he was so upset. And I'm feeding I'm sitting at the table feeding our son and he was so mad that this dish one dish wasn't washed correctly. And I was like, "Okay, it's not just leave it in there. I'll wash it again when I get done feeding him."
>> And by this point in the relationship, I would show I wouldn't argue back. I wouldn't give no emotion because I knew it at any moment it would he would go off.
>> So, um, he was upset that I was like, "It's not it's I'll wash it. just don't worry about it. Just leave it in there.
>> And he got in my face and he was like, "If um you say another word, I'mma knock your teeth out."
>> And in that moment, it was like the Holy Spirit said, "You you going to let him knock your teeth out or are you going to do something right?"
>> And I knew, okay, I got to get out of this because it's getting worse. He's strangled me multiple times. He's held me at gunpoint. I don't I have to He's going to kill me if I stay here. Mhm.
>> And I started just, you know, praying about it. God, what you want me to do?
What you want me to do? How you want me to get out? I don't know what to do, you know. And so I eventually uh after months of of praying and and all this, he we got into it another day.
And he we got into it. He was yelling and screaming and um he had an older son at the time that lived with us that was working. He had just graduated high school and he came home from work and that changed the whole dynam because he wasn't abusive in front of anybody else >> but my youngest son who was one >> and um he came home so he calmed my stepson came home he calmed down >> and he starts telling me next weekend he's going out of town >> and again the Holy Spirit said it's time to move and so from that point I said okay I can't do this by myself. I know I can't I I need help. And so I went to my parents house the next day. He was going off somewhere and I went took my baby to my parents house and I couldn't even formulate the words. Y'all see him? I'm sorry. He was not going to leave without kisses. Okay. I'm sorry. Yeah. Go ahead, Lauren.
>> Um so I'm I'm my mom is I come in. My mom is talking to me. How's everything going? How's you know what's going on?
And I couldn't formulate the words to tell her what was going on. And I just broke down and I just started crying and she was like, "What's wrong with you know?" And I told her, "I have to move.
I got to get out. He's abusive. This and that." So she calls my dad in. And you know, my dad is like, "You don't ever have to go back. You don't have to go back tonight. You don't you can stay here. I you know, and my mom was like, "No, she needs a plan. We don't know how he's going to act." You know, and so I told him he's going out of town next week. this is my time to go. This is my time to move.
>> And I never informed him >> because I was so afraid. I was like, he gonna kill me. He didn't told me that if anything ever happened to me, he was going to go on a rampage, right?
>> So, I was just afraid. And he kept asking me, "Do you want to go with me out of town? Do you" And I was like, "No, I'm just going to stay here with the kids. That's a lot. That's a lot.
>> You know, I work Friday, this and that."
>> And the only people I told was my parents. And so all week they kept checking on me, checking on me, checking on me. And Saturday rolled around and they kept, "Are you sure you still want to do this? Are you sure you still want to leave?" And um we I I said, "Yeah."
>> Saturday morning, my dad knocked on my door and helped me start packing my stuff and I left. But I did have to reach out for that um help, for somebody to help me because I didn't know how I was going to do it. I didn't know what I was going to do. I just took clothes and trash bags >> and went to my parents house. But I did not seek legal advice, which I should have.
>> That's that's why we're bringing >> that's the mistake that I made because I was still afraid. I was still scared. I still was under that that brain washing of I'll never get away from him.
I'll never.
>> And if you don't mind me stopping that for one second, can you tell me why did the thought of not even why not seeking legal counsel didn't come to mind? It was just Can you tell me why?
>> Because I was scared.
>> And then I'm going ask uh >> I was afraid. I I was so afraid of him retaliating against me, against my parents, against my oldest son who he had access to cuz he was the stepdad. He was on the files to pick him up. I was like, you know, >> that's going to be >> crazy.
>> And I was so afraid. I didn't I never called the cops on him. I never So, I never had a paper.
>> So, you never did that >> of No, which I should have, but I never did it because I was so scared. I was like, he's going to kill me.
>> Okay. I'm going to ask you to pause right there. I'm going to ask uh Unique if you can elaborate on your situation as it relates to what she just said and then we're going to have legal before she go into a legal ease.
I'm going to ask her on her own experience and then bring some legal why it's important >> to seek out if you can legal counsel. Go ahead.
>> So just picking up from where you left off. I did call the police.
>> Mhm.
>> And they literally told me, "Oh, y'all have been together so long. Me and my wife, we get into it."
>> And this was the third time I was like, "It's it's no point." Cuz I kept receiving the same answer. Um, I knew I had to get out when I was working um on the insurance and the pharmacy >> and they had OT during open season. And for those of you who aren't in healthcare, >> um, open season is when you have all this open enrollment. Everybody's their plans are starting and things like that.
>> So, we usually do a lot of OT.
>> And he called me and said, "Hey, I brought you something."
>> Yeah. And I thought it was sweet >> like a like a crazy person.
>> I go downstairs.
He literally pulls me in. It was He was saying, "Get in the car." I was like, "No, I just grabbed." Oh, get in cuz I want to say, "Oh, okay." And I get in.
And when I say my hair was grabbed, I was put under the steering wheel and he took off.
>> Driving.
>> Driving. while holding your head down literally under.
>> So he was calm getting you in the car.
>> Absolutely. Yeah. It's it's always a calm.
>> So that's where gives you So that gets you to the So it makes you be like it's going to be okay.
>> It's going to be fine. Oh, okay. This is doing something which is like a >> So they're very uh what's the word I want to use? They're very uh I can't why is it not coming? So they plan it out.
>> Oh, absolutely. They're very meticulous.
That's the word I was looking for.
They're very meticulous. And so they show no signs of what they're gonna do.
>> But you've been in it and you don't >> you've been in it.
>> And so you're hoping that this time is going to be different.
>> And that's why that's why I was speaking earlier before the break about accountability.
>> I literally had to think back >> and say, well, what didn't I do or what did I do? and I have to take responsibility for my role that I absolutely played in it.
>> So for me, >> I don't I don't mean to keep cutting this, but that's so important >> because there's someone listening right now, and I'm not saying it for you to feel like, and y'all jump in, ladies, to feel like, oh, what you're going through is right.
>> Right. Right. Right.
>> But you have to take accountability for what part you play in it. And it's at different times, different levels, right? Uh what part you played into it.
>> And I'm glad you said that only because sometimes when I say, well, I did this, this, this, and I've heard people say, well, you're don't blame the victim.
You're v. I'm not victim blame. No. And and I want to be clear.
>> Yes.
>> There are times in life that once you step out of question and you make yourself third person, third party, >> you start to realize like, >> ah damn, >> I >> Mhm. I could have and I should have.
Yes. Like I said, and I'm g say it again, I was a reigger.
>> You know, like once you allow them to put their hands on you and you let them come back, >> they're like, "Oh, >> it's easy. I don't count going to let me back." It's really a boundary within >> and you said something, but then your action didn't follow.
>> So now I have to escalate. is it started with pop. I don't know for you, but it started with verbal.
>> Yeah, a lot of verbal.
>> Okay, I'm I'm supposed to blow y'all mind over here. Rocky, >> highly educated, the one to defend. Oh, we all highly educated here. Let me let me let me not play this down. She understands the law.
>> Okay, so Rocky, one would think that she knows it all.
>> Yeah. How could she?
>> You know, we love we love to put things in a box and we love to make things look a certain way. We love to say, "Oh, well, that should happen to this one, but it shouldn't happen to this one."
So, Rocky, can you give them a little bit of not even a little girl? Go.
>> We're going to go >> go.
>> We're gonna go.
>> So, you asked earlier if I'd ever had any experiences myself with domestic violence issues >> and absolutely. Yes.
>> And honestly, >> I just >> don't keep it cute.
>> I feel like it's important that everybody understands we're we're speaking a lot in terms of dating relationship.
>> Yes.
>> But violence happens potentially in any relationship.
>> Yeah.
>> And growing up, I don't I didn't catch the brunt of it, >> but there was a lot of stuff that happened in the household that basically taught you like this is normal.
>> Yeah. This is pitching a fit, emotional dysregulation. This is just how we deal with our feelings. We're going to smash something. We're going to hit somebody.
We're going to pull hair.
>> We're going to scream. We're going to shut down.
>> We're going to scream. We're going to threaten.
>> Yeah.
>> You know, and you know, I'm old now, >> girl.
>> And back.
>> Oh, yeah. Oh, girl. You young.
>> I'm pushing 50.
>> Okay.
>> Not there yet, but I'm getting there.
>> Okay. Okay.
they uh and you know and nobody wants to say anything >> and then it teaches you I mean the bullying that we have in schools and then we're taught oh well this is how we show affection >> you know getting back to the name of this show I thought it was love but really it was trauma >> and so the trauma is not just the trauma you're experiencing directly it's the trauma that you're bringing >> that makes you think oh this is normal this is okay or there's nothing we can do about it cuz this is just how people are, right? So, I'm just going to have to do what I have to do to survive.
>> And I have been in dating relationships >> where there was a lot of verbal abuse, a lot of putting you down. This is post >> Yeah.
>> lawyer, >> you know.
>> Um, >> but it was normal. So, you didn't It wasn't anything like >> right because you're taught, oh, well, you're supposed to manage other people's stuff.
>> This is not a red flag. Yes, that's that's what your thought >> as a as a woman.
>> Yeah.
>> My job and as a an at least partially ethnic woman, right?
>> Girl, don't say pardon. That's what you are. We are okay. I'm sorry.
>> It is my top half.
>> There you go. That's the top half.
>> Yeah. You know, we have to And here's the thing. And here's the thing that we have to do in this and and I mean no disrespect to anybody, but it's it >> this culture that we're in today, what's happening in society today, it almost wants us to hide who we are.
>> Yes.
>> And I'm this is not direct, but to apologize. God has created us exactly who we are. And there is somebody out there that wants to say and they're looking at you, you you and me and my husband and you know look Aaron and all of us is saying it's okay cuz it's it's crossing lines, right?
>> So we're not going to apologize cuz you we are ethnic. We are okay. There you go.
>> I'm I'm >> I'm a mut. I'm a >> a mut.
>> A mut.
>> There you go. And I'm And so am I. We all are.
>> We all are.
>> We all are. Everybody is mixed with something. Even the ones that think that they're pure.
>> Oh, yeah.
>> Okay. I just needed to go there.
>> Um, but we are taught >> culturally.
>> Yeah.
>> That we are supposed to take care of everybody else >> to our detriment >> and deny ourselves.
>> Deny ourselves because, you know, you got to be strong and don't show weakness and also take care of everybody else and and so we're supposed to somehow manage everybody else's feelings. So if somebody else is blowing up, it is our job to calm them down and make sure that they're okay. And you add all of that together and it just creates a terrible situation >> where okay well you know I should have done this or I created that >> or if I just do this other thing then I can show them >> how to be a better person and it is not our job >> to help other grown people >> become better people.
>> Yeah. Okay. So, with that being said, >> Mhm.
>> I love that you said because we, especially women, we want to be fixers of everything. We want to be nurturing.
Y'all just jump in here.
>> Well, that's what >> we're running over. Hey, those are in the comments. Stay in here cuz we're running. We're going to run over.
>> No, that's what you're taught.
>> Yeah. The role of a woman is to soften the harder places, >> to make the home, >> to cook the food, >> to raise the children, to do all of those things. And then after 50 things are done, then you come.
>> Then you come.
>> But we're expected to pour and pour and pour until we're in a deficit. Girl, >> but I don't have anything I'm pouring.
I'm pouring negativity at this point.
>> We're we're in a deficit. And then when you're in that deficit and like you said and pouring negativity then you become what's wrong with you? Why you so mad?
Why you so attitude?
>> Cuz I'm at the grind of what I got here.
That's all I got.
>> I've literally given you everything >> and I have there's a drawing of a woman with two children and there's a man that she is also dragging.
>> Yeah.
>> At the same time. So, I am doing all of these things and not once did you stop to grab that other kid, grab it and say, "Go and do what you have to do.
>> Do what you got to do.
>> I'm going to carry this."
>> Yeah. And I have to say, and I'm sorry, but I have to say that's why I like you and brother Carter >> cuz Yes.
>> Oh my god.
>> But you see it. You see it's no question about it, right? even if he's joking, >> which he is a lot of the time, but you see it. You would you would never have to carry that. Get your hands off that bag.
>> I got Yeah.
>> You know, I appreciate y'all saying that because And here's the thing. Whether he's I know he's listening cuz he didn't th on the road listening. I have to honestly say that wasn't something he was taught. That was something he learned >> because in our be Oh girl, I never heard it like that.
>> Because he literally have learned that through our journey because there were times I'm like >> negro.
You don't see this. What's going on? And he didn't see it. It wasn't that he was accepting or being okay with the behavior. He just didn't see it because he was stuck in what he knew. And that goes back to what I'm saying and we're not going to lift you up, brother Carter. Go. I got you. But I I want you guys to understand, and I want the people that are listening, is that people come to you for where they're at.
It's up to you to choose whether or not you're going to stay in it. Lauren, jump on that.
>> Yeah. You you choose what you going to do. Can I deal with this forever? Is this something that I can deal with?
Especially some people don't think they got to change. They don't.
>> Nothing's wrong with me.
>> No, it's the problem. You're the problem. I can't tell you how many times I've been told that. And I'm like, okay, I'm the problem.
>> I'm the problem.
>> I just need to be myself.
>> And we settle in that until we get that awakening.
>> You do. And then I What's the Bible verse? He who finds a wife find a good thing. And then I have to I'm not the I'm the gift.
>> I'm the gift.
>> The things that keep if your hands can't unwrap this boat, then I'm not the gift for >> for you. But I am. Yes. Okay, that's okay because I know once the person who's right for unwrapping and opening that box, I know what's inside.
>> Sip tea for you will be for you. Yes.
>> So, yeah.
>> I Okay, God. We never have a time.
>> Okay, we need some legal advice over here. I got to I'm trying to bring it back.
>> So, take it.
>> Okay. You find yourself in a domestic violence situation and it's scary as hell and you don't know what to do and you've called the police before and they come out and >> they patronize you.
>> Every single time somebody comes out and plates or downplays, >> it empowers the abuser.
>> And I get it. You got to call anyway.
Get that that number.
if you can do so.
This is such this is gonna be such a lawyer answer it depends >> it. So you have to do you know your situation >> you know the person that you're with >> what you have to do >> the critical thing to do is to listen to yourself.
>> There is a great book I think I talked about it last time it's called the gift of fear >> by Gavin Debecker.
>> I have been recommending this book since it was published I think in 1996.
>> Wow. You have to listen to yourself, >> right?
>> And if it says call the police, then call the police. If it says don't call the police and it's the true voice, then don't call, get yourself out, right?
>> There are organizations, there are attorneys that are available to help.
>> AVDA, which is aid for victims of domestic abuse. Um, in Texas, it's avda-tx.org, I believe. Just Google it, you'll find it. Have a plan. Have a safety plan.
Contact an attorney. Contact an attorney who has experience in this arena.
>> Absolutely.
>> Because it is just the same as going to a therapist who doesn't have experience.
>> Wow.
>> Yeah.
>> Which is why, and I'm going to hate to say it because this is the love and victory show.
>> Yeah. It's victory.
>> Rarely is going to your church pastor >> going to be the appropriate therapy in this situation. It's not. Yeah.
>> That's okay because remember, and here's the thing. I don't want you to feel like that because we have to make sure that's a man.
>> Mhm.
>> If you going to go, you going if you're going to go, you going to the leader of the top, which is God. But you still need to go seek counsel.
>> You need counseling and help. You need and sometimes it's going to be a person who's going to call you out and hold you accountable while supporting you. If you have to make sure you're not going to a therapist who's like, "Well, let's see if we can keep this marriage together."
Right. You know, the Bible says, you know, once you're together, and it's like, hold on.
>> Bible says a whole bunch of things.
>> It's how you interpret it.
>> I agree.
>> And so, while they can be a great resource, you have to be very careful and listen to your voice that says this isn't a good fit. This isn't danger. The danger danger signs. Like, listen to yourself. if you don't mind if I stop you. I want make sure that those that are listening um Rocky is true a true believer of God.
>> I am.
>> And so don't misinterpret and don't try to put it into your own words of what she's saying. She's not saying seek outside of God. That's not what she's saying.
>> I'm saying listen to God.
>> Listen to God talk to you. Because what a lot of people like to do is get into a comfort zone and say, "Oh, they were up there talking about someone, somebody bigger than God." No, we're still here grounded. And if I appreciate you saying that, but I need to make sure I wrap it up for the people in the back of the room.
>> Absolutely. Because part of what I think happens, and this goes back to the accountability and the victim space and things like that, we're so afraid to listen to ourselves. We're so afraid of that responsibility. we were afraid of making a mistake >> that we want to say, "Okay, this is my religious leader. I'm going I need to listen to them and whatever they say.
This is my attorney. I picked this attorney. I better do exactly what they say." And while I would never say don't listen to legal advice, >> if it's not resonating with you and it's not working, >> God is speaking to you.
>> Listen to God talking to you. Your inner voice, >> your instincts, your intuition, that's God. I mean, it's like in layman's terms, >> um, I said the gift.
>> If you have a fragile gift, >> you're not going to put it in the hands of a toddler.
>> And it's it's not to say that the pastor is the toddler. It is just saying, I'm going to be careful with whom I entrust this gift to.
>> Yes.
>> And so what you're saying is, and I get it because sometimes there is a bias because the job of the church is to keep the union >> together. together.
>> And sometimes they say you can work past that. I can't >> I can't work cuz I only showed that black eye and those ribs and I I I can't do that. I can't wake up with a loaded gun cocked and ready.
I can't see at this point I put something fragile in the hands of a toddler who's saying >> what's what's in it.
>> What's in it?
>> Yes.
>> And therefore, you just have to be careful who Oo, y'all. This show is heavy.
>> I'm sorry.
>> It's heavy.
But it's a show that we need.
>> Absolutely.
>> Uh, you know, it's it's extra heavy for me for a lot of reasons, but I have to say I'm in such a joyful place. Uh, brother Carter has shifted >> uh to go be with his family.
>> My ladies, my friends, my, you know, my village have held this thing together.
Um, I hate to wrap it up.
>> We're already over it. I know, but we're not over it.
>> Uh, I'm going to ask that we're going to start with Rocky legal advice, real advice. real advice and do some legal and then we're going to wrap this show up and then I have something special I want to end with.
>> Okay, for those that are not in studio, I have something special that I want to end this show with that I have never done but one time. And so, uh, let's go.
>> Okay, so legal advice, get the record, get the documentation.
Above all else, be careful. M >> you know your situation. So gather the information and the evidence that you can >> keep it in a safe place that is not on site because if somebody's digging, they're going to find it and it's going to make you that much more nervous that something's sitting right there and you're constantly worried that they're going to see it.
>> Have a safety plan if you are able. One of the reasons my office in Tomball is right in the center of all the shopping is because then if somebody needed to come see me, >> well, they were going to the restaurant next door. they were going. So think in terms of safety planning.
>> Have somebody who you can you know and sometimes we don't have that person.
>> Absolutely.
>> We have organizations. AVD is a great organization. They will help you come up with a safety plan.
>> But if all else fails, things are replaceable.
Grab your babies, grab yourself, and go.
Find the lawyers. Find the ones that resonate with you.
Make the calls.
>> Make the calls. All righty then. Come on, Unique. Okay. I think I'mma give you the deeper part of it. I'mma start with the beginning.
>> Oh.
>> From the beginning, if it is verbal, I'm not talking about jooning like jokes.
Yeah.
>> Or anything. I'm talking about seriously.
>> They're just trying to see how far >> they can go >> they can push it.
>> Yes.
>> If it starts verbal, >> it will escalate.
>> Um it can even escalate to a grab and you may be like, "Oh, they love me.
They might. But you have to ask yourself, is that the type of love that you're looking for?
>> And for some people, it is. And >> hey, what works for you works for you.
However, just know that it will go from verbal >> to physical because it is a conditioning >> of seeing how far I can push you >> before I get to where I want you. I am in full submission >> and I am running you the way that I want to run you.
>> Jesus.
>> Yeah.
>> Okay, Lauren.
>> So, like Rocky said, if you're in that situation, definitely document document.
document, document, take pictures. Um, if you can record safely, try >> um because like they they're very manipulative and sometimes when the cops come, they're not going to be helpful when it comes to you as the victim. They might side with the abuser. They might because they're very charming.
>> Remember that they're very charming and they know how to put that mask on and pretend to be somebody that they're not.
with safety plans. Have extra documentation. Have extra IDs, extra credit cards, documents that you need.
Have that somewhere put away that you can get quickly if you need to just up and go. Don't worry about, like she said, don't worry about the the the things that you can't take with you. Get yourself your children to safety. There are so many. The uh women's center, Houston, Fort Ben County, the bridge is in Pasadena, always able to help you.
There are hotlines you can call 247 to get the help that you need. You're not alone in it. You're not the only person going through it. Even if you feel like you are, so many people will understand you. So many people have been through it. They may not be talking about it, but your safety and your children's safety is the most important thing. You want that documentation. You want to reach out to an attorney that is familiar with uh domestic abuse as well as narcissistic behavior >> because that's hard to navigate in the court system.
>> And and again, I thank you so much. It's not just happening to women. It's happening to men as well. And you have to really I mean I I want to in a special way this time really put our arms around the men. Yes.
>> Because the men that are going through abuse, they're dealing with a couple of abuses. They're dealing with abuse of what people are going to look at them.
They're supposed to be macho. They're supposed to be strong. They should be able to ward off this. And so they're not going to talk about it. So they go deeper. And then they're also dealing with the shame, right? You know, so we want you all to feel like you're empowered and these steps that are coming from women >> is not just for women, right?
>> It's for you.
>> Speaking up doesn't make you and I know the word now is sassy.
>> It does.
>> It doesn't make you doesn't make you weak. It >> There are things I know we talked about boundaries earlier. There are real, as you said, real healthy boundaries.
>> Yes. And then >> you don't have to accept it. Oh, she's a woman. she's going to talk to me. No, if it is not okay, >> there's a limit and you have to say, "Hey, if you respect me, >> yes, >> you're not going to talk to me like that any kind of way." Like, I'm not accepting now. That's right.
>> Especially as the head of this system, >> come on now.
>> And therefore, you know, hey, check yourself as brother C. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
>> See, he's still in the house.
>> And if you can, Aaron, we got so many comments. if you can read through, speed read through them, and then we're going to go ahead and close this show out. And I got to do something special. I'll >> speed read. I'm going to try to break the world record. We have we have a lot of comments, a lot of questions. So, I'm just going to kind of uh go through them. If any stand out, just let me know. Uh Stephen Robert, he was one of our earlier questions. He's asked uh what was the first step when life completely wipes out your blueprint and you're starting from scratch? Albert had asked, "What is love to you?" Abraham James, uh, if a relationship is not on the right track anymore, then is it being selfish to get out from that for my own mental >> peace?
>> And then Donald James, he made were some of the comments here. You can't build a new future if you're still using your past failures as the foundation.
>> Very good. Very good. Haley At said, "The midpoint between the old plan failing and the new plan working is always messy, but that's where the real muscle is built."
>> Yes.
>> Chelsea Roy said, "I agree on the gravity of unrest." Back to our acronym, that feeling of being stuck and unstuck, it can be cyclical, but I think acknowledgement or acknowledging unrest can unlock empowerment and awareness.
She went on to say, "There's so much freedom in reclaiming our stories. There is an abundant healing there."
>> Oh my god. Robin Wyatt was saying trust trusting the process of the journey of understanding your purpose and accepting the assignment from God. Seek God the truth and powerful.
>> Grifter Jawad came in asking, "How do we stop comparing our messy starting over phase with someone else who is already thriving in their new plan?"
>> Don't compare.
>> Haley Adson, what's the move when the new plan requires resources you don't have yet? Do you jump anyway or wait for the bag to match the vision?
>> Faith. Faith. faith. Yeah.
>> Lexi Mason als on on the house asked, "How do we give ourselves grace for the days we feel completely lost in the transition?
>> Treat yourself like you treat your mother, your sister, or your brother or your child or your friend that's going through Aaron. I we got a million in here. So I I we got to wrap it up. We got to wrap it up. But I actually if you can pull up I just brought my grandson in. I've I've had my granddaughter in.
I've had my grandson. He's been hanging out in the back and so uh I just wanted to bring y'all bring him up just to let him y'all can see his handsome face. He He's a Cer. He's a Carter. You know, he's sitting in here and he's not really been in here, but he's been in here. And I just want y'all to just send your wellw wishes over to him. Send some love to him. God is going to do something great in his life. He's an amazing I want to say this. We always talk about the youth and we talk about the youth being disrespectful, not being aware, just all self-absorbed. This time that I've spent with my grandson makes me so proud. He's so respectful. He is so passionate >> to his great aunt, my sister, and my mom. My sister being disabled. He's he treats her just like us, and he's just so loving. I want to say to your grandson, I love you. I've enjoyed, we've enjoyed the time that we've had with you and I want you to leave the Love and Victory Show Carter crew. What do you want to tell them?
>> Um, thank you for having me here.
>> It was a blast. I was excited to come over here and I'm glad to say I was not disappointed.
>> Um, I was I'm excited. I mean, >> just say it. I'm grateful for like to like be here and like just hear all the stories and advice that all these young, beautiful, intelligent women and my grandfather was here to tell, was here to share with the world. And I think this podcast or radio >> I think I think it's going to go places.
>> How old are you, Demarcus?
>> I'm 14.
>> 14. Okay.
>> You say it's going places.
>> Oh, wow. Did you hear him speak that word? That came from a bab's mouth. And so, thank you, grandson. I love you so much. And we are out of I need everybody to look at the cameras. Find your camera and wave out. We're out of here. We love you.
Heat. Heat.
Heat. Heat.
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