Marriage or The Met Gala? How Weddings Have Become SO Performative.

Added: 2026-04-29

[00:00:00]Weddings are so performative, and I've wanted to have this conversation for ages now, and I've actually got time on my hands today.

[00:00:06]Or wrists, hence why I'm wearing two watches. Anyways, weddings are a performance. It's no longer about the union, it's no longer about the marriage, the declaration of love. It is more about how this event can be captured and packaged for both those the people that are in there in person and those viewing spectators online. The entire wedding industrial complex is built on diluted self-importance, ego, and the desire for perceived social status. Let me walk you through how I landed here. So, a couple of months ago, Formula 1 driver Charles Leclerc got married, and with his wedding, he and his wife [music] released one of the most beautiful wedding videos, some of the most beautiful wedding pictures I've probably [music] ever seen. It was immaculate. It was 10 out of 10. It was like I was watching an Oscar-winning movie. And as you do on social media sometimes, you read through the comments.

[00:00:59]>> [music] >> And I was looking through the comments, and some of the things that people were saying were really fascinating to me because loads of the comments were along the lines of "Oh my god, this is this is my dream wedding.

[00:01:13]I wish I could have something like this.

[00:01:15]Ugh, having money must be so good. Look how great this wedding is." And while there is nothing inherently bad with any of those comments, in fact, there's nothing wrong with them at all, for me, underneath all of that, it felt like most people were more swept up by the opulence and swept up by the performance of the wedding. The status that comes with driving a Ferrari in Monaco, the grandiose of the event is something that a lot of people in the comments and a lot of people in general would secretly desire for their own special big day.

[00:01:50][music] And once again, that is not a bad thing. It is not a bad thing at all.

[00:01:56]But all I want to know is, do you want that because that is genuinely the vision that you have for your dream wedding, or do you want that because it will make you look good in the eyes of other people? In fact, we should be asking ourselves this question in almost every single area in life. Do I want this thing because it's something that I actually desire, or do I want this thing because of how it will make me look in front of other people that I want to impress? Everything about the modern wedding is so samey and formulaic, even down to the will you marry me flower heart thing that most people use for their wedding proposals now. And look, each to their own in it. Do what you like. But I won't be doing that.

[00:02:38]I won't I won't be doing that. Actually, no. Let me let Let me let people do what they want. Let me let people like what they like.

[00:02:46]But I won't I won't be doing that. No, sorry. And I know it probably seems like I'm being overly critical, especially considering the fact that I am not married, but as somebody that spends a lot of the time observing people and observing the world, we have got to talk about how a lot of weddings are >> [music] >> no longer a celebration for the bride and the groom, but more of a vanity event for everyone involved. So, on today's episode of Small Talk, I'm asking one very simple question.

[00:03:14]When did weddings get so performative?

[00:03:20]Hi, my name is Ore. I am a presenter, broadcaster, cultural commentator, and all-round creative idiot. And welcome back to another episode of Small Talk.

[00:03:28]This is where I sit and I talk about the world of news, sport, politics, entertainment, popular culture, fashion, and everything in between, but aim to delve that little bit deeper than beneath the surface. Okay, so before we get into the nitty-gritty of weddings, let's actually talk about how humans have always felt the need to perform because before there was social media, there was [music] the town hall, there was the village square, there was the dinner table. There were spaces in society where people performed versions of themselves in front of other people, hoping that they would then be respected and admired. [music] And the human need to be seen and to be adored has always existed. It dates back to the beginning of time. There is this concept called impression management, and it is this idea that we are constantly shaping how other people perceive us. We adjust our behavior depending [music] on the audience that we are in front of. We as humans have always understood instinctively that how we are perceived affects how we are treated. And this sets the scene perfectly for how weddings [music] have become performative. And if I'm honest, I'm not saying anything revolutionary here. Weddings have always been performative. In fact, the whole point of a wedding is to perform. This isn't a new phenomenon. This might be a sweeping generalization, but we all know how in previous generations, young girls have been conditioned to always think about their big day. Think about the day that you're going to get married. Aspire to be a wife. Or think about the dress that you're going to wear on your big day.

[00:05:06]This is I These are ideas that have been [music] conditioned into the minds of young girls from as soon as they can communicate, but now that we live in an era of social media where everyone is trying to appear influential and important, the desire and the need to be seen has never been stronger. Because of that, you have now turned your special day into a spectacle for everyone else to enjoy but yourself. [music] And with that, you now have to project manage everyone. You have to project manage all of these people and their expectations for your day.

[00:05:44]Your day. Sorry, but am I getting married or are you? There are family expectations, there are cultural expectations, there are social media expectations, and there is this quieter pressure. Not even quieter. There is this pressure to get your wedding day right because it is seen as this once-in-a-lifetime event, and therefore [music] everything must be perfect. Because if you do get divorced and remarried, society won't allow you to do another elaborate, over-the-top wedding. You probably have to do it a little bit more subdued, a little bit more quiet. That is the unwritten social contract that we have all signed. Unless you are an Elon Musk or a Jeff Bezos or a Rupert Murdoch-type mogul individual who just splash money and do whatever they want because they don't care about other people's opinions. And if you are currently sat watching me talk on this pink couch, you are probably not that type of person. You probably don't have that money. So, unfortunately, the social contract does apply to you. This self-imposed pressure is so much, and at the end of the day, what is it for?

[00:06:51]A couple of thousand likes on Instagram?

[00:06:54]For people to pat you on the back and say, "Wow, what an amazing wedding you had. What a great day."

[00:07:01]That is an expensive pat on the back. A very expensive pat on the back. If you are an ethnic minority from London, you would know about the venue Meridian Grand. My god, I hate that venue so much. I hate that venue so much. Don't invite me to your wedding if it's at Meridian Grand. Do not invite me.

[00:07:22]I'm joking because you've paid probably 25 grand for the dry hire of that venue.

[00:07:27]You need bums on those seats. I will be attending. But you could swap almost any Nigerian couple, Yoruba couple to be specific, on any given Saturday in July, and that wedding will look pretty [music] much identical to the wedding the week before, the month before, the year before that. By the way, I'm going to do a second episode on Nigerian weddings and the entire Nigerian wedding industry because that that needs its own dedicated breakdown. So, subscribe to the channel if you haven't done so already because that's going to come out in a couple of days, actually. Because weddings are so performative now, a lot of people have bought into the idea of how their wedding is supposed to look because of the elevated status their potential wedding of the year is going to give them. So, they aren't going to deviate from the script that they have written in their minds. And as a result of that, we are now left with couples that are performing on their big day for social hierarchy purposes and not because of the fact that they are about to >> [music] >> marry the love of their lives. Weddings are supposed to be about love, right?

[00:08:33]Well, love in its everyday form is often quiet. You know, it's the small gestures that aren't really that grand or that big of a spectacle, but a wedding has now changed all of that. Weddings have now created this stage where that quiet, private connection can be magnified and amplified to make yourself feel visible.

[00:08:56]And the more emphasis that is placed on the performance of a wedding, the easier it becomes to lose sight of what we're actually supposed to be experiencing.

[00:09:05]And when the experience is designed to be seen, there is a risk that that day starts to drift away from being in love and feeling the emotion of love. If the performance is the thing that we invest the most in, what does that do to our emotional regulation once the day is over? As I said earlier, weddings have always been elaborate. This is nothing new. Heck, I live in England. We are the kings and queens of doing weddings. The royal wedding is literally the textbook definition of spectacle and pageantry.

[00:09:38]But I won't speak on any of their marriages and how a lot of their marriages turned out because Moving on swiftly. Moving swiftly on.

[00:09:48]Weddings haven't stopped being about love. They've just become the most elaborate ways that we know of how to present love. And it is the one singular day in our lives where we can feel the closest thing >> [music] >> to being a celebrity. And honestly, who wouldn't want that? Who wouldn't?

[00:10:03]But, this conversation gets really [music] interesting. It gets far more interesting when we look at the divorce rates in the present day. In 2026, approximately 42% of marriages in the United Kingdom are estimated to end in divorce. I'm going to read it again. I'm reading it off the screen. In 2026, approximately 42% of all marriages in the United Kingdom are estimated to end in divorce. That is almost half of all weddings.

[00:10:37]Is that not scary?

[00:10:39]Is that not scary? And look, yes, life is for the living. You can't foreshadow what's going to happen in the future, blah blah blah. Live while you're young, all of that good stuff. But, imagine doing all of that over-the-top elaborate celebratory wedding, which isn't cheap, by the way.

[00:10:58]Weddings aren't cheap. People are going to debt to end up divorced in 6 years time.

[00:11:03]3 years time.

[00:11:05]God forbid.

[00:11:07]God forbid. You know what? Let me not be a hypocrite. Let me hold my hands up and not be a hypocrite. Because I'm saying all of this now, I know that I'm probably going to succumb to the same pressure to perform when it's my time and my turn to get married. Heck, I'm Nigerian, for goodness' sake.

[00:11:21]Performance is literally in our blood.

[00:11:24]And it is some more high and mighty of me to sit up in here and talk about something that I've never actually experienced. But, I'd like to believe I've got expensive taste.

[00:11:35]And I like the finer things in life.

[00:11:37]The finer things are a little bit more expensive, but that's exactly how I envision my wedding to be.

[00:11:43]Sophisticated and classic.

[00:11:46]But, maybe I'm falling into the same trap of the people that I was criticizing at the very start of this episode. But, I know that deep down in my heart that I will be doing that wedding for myself and for my wife, and not for external validation.

[00:12:01]I guess my question to you is, will you be doing exactly the same?

[00:12:06]Okay, we have made it to the end of this episode. Thank you very much for watching. I hope you enjoyed it. As ever, let me know your thoughts in the comment section below. I always want to engage in conversation and see what it is that you were thinking. Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, all of that good stuff. [music] And the next episode is going to be a lot of fun.

[00:12:24]I've dedicated the next episode to the exact same topic, but I'm focusing solely on Nigerians and the entire Nigerian wedding industry, because that requires its own special special attention. So, keep an eye out for that in the next couple of [music] days.

[00:12:42]Thank you very much once again, and I will see you on the next one.

[00:12:46]Goodbye.