I’m a 52 years old Japanese man. I have no friends, and the loneliness is overwhelming

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:00]Hi. Hello. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night. So, it is Saturday night. It is almost 10:30.

[00:00:15]So, yeah, Saturday night. It is it is supposed to be happy Saturday night but I don't know if I am happy or not because I'm here all alone so I don't have any close friends to go out in Saturday night and of course yesterday was Friday night but the same I was here all along.

[00:00:49]So yes to be honest to be honest with you I am jealous people who go out hang out with their friends to enjoy you know happy Saturday happy Friday night I don't I don't remember last time I went out with my friends.

[00:01:17]Last time I hang out with my friends, I don't remember exactly when it was.

[00:01:26]So, especially since I became 50 years old.

[00:01:32]So, I feel like, you know, I'm really totally totally isolated from the society. And of course, some of you may say, "Oh, you have you your wife."

[00:01:48]Yes, my I have my wife. And oh my god, you have you you cannot you shouldn't say that. So you have your families, your kids, your adorable kids. Yes, I I have two small kids. So the literally I am not alone of course but I don't know if what I'm saying is uh you know uh reflecting the reality of Japanese men or not because and uh also I don't know if I gave you this statistics before or not but 50% % 50% of Japanese men in 50s answered that they do not have any close friends. 50% and 60% of Japanese men in 60 answered they do not have any close friends and 70% of Japanese men over 70s answered they do not have they do not have friends not at all close whether close or not no friends at all 70% %.

[00:03:16]So, and I remember that when my father who passed away 10 years ago, um after he retired after he retired age like maybe 68 or not. So, actually he stayed he stayed He stayed home all alone.

[00:03:52]But you know he was uh my father was a successful businessman and uh in in his last career he became a president of the company even though the company was very very small but you know he he was promoted to and he I don't know how say he climbed the corporate ladder to become the sub the p the the president of the substerally of the the major company in substantially it's subly and small company but he became the president when he left the company eventually however and uh during when when he was working at the company So most of the time and seven days he went out.

[00:04:59]Of course you know it was not a private it was maybe you know the duty and it was job it was a business but after he retired so he was all alone and uh you know just watching the TV all day. So no friends, no friends at all. And uh he was one of the typical Japanese man. Japanese man, Japanese salary man. Salary man, meaning that he devoted 100% of his life to the company and without you know making friends without enjoying his personal life. So the private life. So that's why 100% his energy and his devotion went to the you know the company and after he retired he became like you know empty.

[00:06:08]So and then all all the time always and all days he stayed home.

[00:06:17]So he was a typical you typical Japanese man. So and then you know I I'm thinking that okay I'm still 50s. I'm I'm still in 50s but I think I think that I now I am now exactly the same same way same behavior same you know same condition uh that stay all day here in here here in my house without talking nobody with nobody. So here here's one of the the typical example uh you know representing my the reality of myself. So you know there's a chat to named line here in Japan. So line is a chatter tool like over 80% of the population use this digital tool.

[00:07:26]Yeah, it's a chatting tool and uh actually for teens lying is they communicate they communicate their friends like every seconds, every seconds. every seconds because you know as you can imagine teens have many friends and teens have many people to communicate with and uh socializing through the tool named to chat to named line here it's like a face up or WhatsApp or WeChat or like a Instagram direct mail tool and yeah you can chat to every to to to to anybody.

[00:08:20]So, and then here in Japan, yeah, like I explained that people communicate through this tool every day, every minute, every seconds.

[00:08:32]And uh most of us and you know 80% of the people the total population use the lie every day, every day.

[00:08:42]So, and then of for example, um my wife, she's 44 years old. I think she communicates she communicates through the line like every not every second because she's not like a teenager. So, she's just a, you know, a middle-aged typical Japanese woman, but she uh from what I see, so she communicates through the line.

[00:09:18]She uses the line, the tool, the line tool, the chat chatter tool almost like every minutes. Every minutes.

[00:09:30]So on the other hand, on the other hand, of course, I chat with my wife, but my wife is the only person I communicate through the line now.

[00:09:48]I don't have any friends to chat with.

[00:09:53]So last time I opened the line, I don't remember exactly where. So this is very very unusual and uh I don't I don't think there is a person like me who don't use line maybe you know just once once in a couple of days. Yeah I I think I open this chapter 2 once in a couple of days.

[00:10:32]However, I don't I don't I don't receive any message.

[00:10:40]No textist, no invitation, no say hello, how are you doing?

[00:10:48]Nothing. Nothing.

[00:10:52]So, this is okay. This is okay.

[00:10:55]And uh but I don't know sometimes I feel very very lonely and uh yeah last time I told you the same story.

[00:11:12]Some of you gave me the comments like, you know, I should go out and I should attend some kind of the local community and uh maybe go to the gym, go to the bars. So, but go to the bars, go to the bird, drinking birth is not a good idea. And actually technically I cannot go to the birth.

[00:11:43]And actually here in Japan there are there are snacks. Snacks.

[00:11:56]Snacks. It like bars, drinking bars, but a different name and a little bit different maybe the culture and uh place but actually the snacks. Snacks is the the place that you can enjoy the drinking and it is very very reasonable and uh actually and many snacks in Japan are located in just a local neighborhood and uh you know among the uh you know just a residential peaceful residential area there are snacks and then if you go to the snacks It's it's like a it's like a between snacks is like between small restaurants and bars and a crow bar and usually owned by a woman a woman owner a female owner who is called mom.

[00:13:07]So even though she is not mom the real mom but Japanese people call call her mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom so I don't know if you have heard about snack snacks snack snacks in Japan but the snack is one of the you know typical uh and with the low vit um birth and especially for elderly place all the generations and actually I never ever been to any snacks before and the snacks usually are for the elderlys like over I don't know maybe 60s or 70s or 50s or yeah some 40s actually like to go to snacks to enjoy kalawoki and to socialize people and this is just a drinking bears. And then maybe many people go to snacks alone and then they make friends at the snacks.

[00:14:22]And uh actually yeah there are several female hostess hostess host hostess the female female employees working at the snacks who s drinks and who enjoy your drinking time occasion special occasion and you have to pay of course you have to pay for your drinks and uh your accompany accompany the lady and the female employees.

[00:14:54]But this is totally different from the Caval Club. Cavallet Club. Catholic club is you know composi you know more the young pretty beautiful uh female employees actually the workers uh are working at the cavalary cavalary clubs where you have to pay uh a little bit expensive fee and drinking fee and it's like you know one time it it of course it depends on which kind of and what which city of the cabal club you go Uh usually so you have to pay like I don't know maybe one more uh which is like 10. Yeah, I I would say the average in the na n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n nationwide average should be like 15,000 Japanese yen 15,000 Japanese 100 US dollar per person but there's a there are many many expensive cavallet club in Roongi Ginser so sometimes you have to pay like you know maybe two worth uh like 60,000 Japanese yen which which is which is equals to like a400400 US.

[00:16:19]So, and uh unlike the cavallet club where many young or you know beautiful pretty uh girls, Japanese women are serving you and offering drinking occasions and you know and uh female employees, workers who are working at snacks a relatively relatively older than older than the women who are working at the cavalc lab.

[00:16:57]And um you know not many are beautiful or pretty but they are very very you know they are very very good at socializing and they are very very good at very generous and kind and uh you know most of the time they they can be enjoyable.

[00:17:27]with you and and they enjoy the you can enjoy the their comp ac company and you can you can sing sing a songs sing sing songs with them. So yes, the cav I mean the snacks could be will be the place where yeah I could enjoy I could enjoy uh my socializing the life another the new socializing place and I was thinking to go to snacks sometimes but actually it depends on the the environment. For example, uh the city where I am living is not good place for the owner to open the new snacks.

[00:18:25]Maybe society and the community, local community doesn't allow the owner of the snacks to open the their stores. So I have to go the closest snack by foot.

[00:18:50]It takes it would take I don't know maybe 30 minutes. So it's totally totally not like a neighborhood and it's not like you know easy to go easy to go and uh actually not only for the social I I'm not good at I'm not good at not only for the socializing but also you know I not the drinking occasion. So that's the one thing that that I hesitate to go that kind of you know place that I can socialize. So this is the another thing but you know yeah I was wondering how I can improve myself how can how I can change my personality and how I can change my daily life to become to to make new friends.

[00:19:50]that every time every time every time I think about the reason why the reason why I'm not good at I'm not good at making friends I'm not good at socializing is that maybe this is not happening now maybe it must be it must be rooted rooted my the rooted rooted my origin my origin how I you know how I how I was raised how how I how I was growing up to to become adult. So because you know when I think about when I think about how I was how how I was in elementary school or junior high and uh actually I don't think that I was not I don't think I was good at socializing when I was in sixth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade, 7th grade, and in element in junior high.

[00:21:21]So actually, you know, every time I had special occasions in in my junior high, like took a shorter trip to somewhere in Japan.

[00:21:44]It's overnight short trip. So and uh those kind for those kind of occasions.

[00:21:56]So sometimes you would you would be required you would be required to make like small groups you know do can you understand that what I want to say you know so making small groups I don't I I hate actually I hated I hated the activity the activities with which you had to I had to make I had to find like buddies or friends to make the small groups because at that time at that time exactly the same as I am today. So I was totally in or I was totally alone without any close friends not at all. So every time teachers said to us like you know okay make the small groups and uh you know okay just just just pick up the like your close friends that's okay just uh you know you guys have to you guys have to make the small groups then pick up some you know two or three friends around you and every time I you know I was isolated I I feel I felt like I was isolated And uh of course you know as you can imagine and in the in the class the in the class you know um there are several some popular guys it's it's like a hierarchy hierarchy it's it's like a pyramid hak hierarchy hierarchy haki sorry I'm English my English so haki So in the top in the top of top of the top there it's like a pyramid they are popular guys in the top top top popular guys. So they always like you know very popular and under popular you know sec the first tire and second tier and third tier and the in the bottom. So, I think I I I was trying I was trying to put myself into like second tier, second tier.

[00:24:32]But to be honest with you, I was not like in the second tier. But I was trying to put myself into the second tier. However, they understood the people, the students, the my class classmates, my friends, they are not class close friends actually understood that you know I was not in the in the in the high tier.

[00:25:02]And uh maybe so even though you know they didn't like they they they didn't have like you know oh my god you you you have to go out you have to get out of here. So they didn't say like that. So they are very very generous. They are very kind. They are very friendly I think and uh they accepted actually uh me myself but however but but we we were different person we were different person we were not and I'm not I I was not you know bright very very bright personality you know and always making making others laughing making laugh and not always joking. I was not more like you know very very uh you know uh not bright, not joking at all.

[00:26:08]And uh you know so a student like that a student like that has a difficulty a difficulty in putting themselves into which groups? So I should have belonged to the maybe the bottom the near the bottom but because you know maybe I didn't like to I didn't like to admit that I was in the bottom. So that's why and then maybe it started from that moment from that moment and uh I was I wasn't I wasn't confident and always since then maybe after junior high in high school and in the college and after college you know join the first company and the secondary company when I was in teen 20s 30s. So always I think I was not confident. I was not confident myself and uh always I was trying to pretend to be like you know pretend to be like I don't know how to say super super confident and uh maybe competent even though I was not like that and I should have been more honest myself and honest to the others. I had to open Yeah. Yeah.

[00:28:06]This is the right word. I think I had to open myself to others that I should have I should have shown I should have shown myself my honest personality the true and not pretending like that. So that's why I think since then I became like you know very very not good at socializing people because I always put the bar put the wall put the wall to to the others and uh yes of course of course I have experienced that some friends.

[00:28:55]Some friends tried to break the wall, break the door. And uh some some some friends actually some uh classmates and uh some you know co-workers tried to break the war to get into my world to understand me myself but I always I think shut the door. Shut the door. shut the door and uh if you know they broke the war I built another war another war to be isolated from them so that's me and when I was when I was young and when I was younger it was okay it was okay so I thought that you to be alone. To be alone.

[00:30:05]I thought that to be alone will be very very cool. not not not you know miserable and uh not sad, not you know I was okay and I think but it was not it was my not the honest the truth opinion and you know my heart so always I think that so anyway I think it's old started from my junior high or younger than junior high maybe in elementary school.

[00:30:50]See and and then without without having any good any big change any big change for myself.

[00:31:07]So I'm here. I'm here and I actually to be honest with you I regret regret this. I have big big regret. And of course you may say you know it's not too late not too late.

[00:31:28]And uh if you if I think that I should change my behavior and my personality and uh you know the way and uh action I mean that I'm not taking any action I can change of course you may say but I don't know it is it has been very difficult for me to change myself, my style and my daily life and my personality characteristics and uh I don't know what I can do.

[00:32:18]Yeah. Uh you know uh I play games especially older games.

[00:32:26]The reason why I play I play video games is that honestly I'm not a you know like a like a game guy and uh like playing game is not my favorite favorite thing and not like favorite hobby though but just nothing nothing other than playing the games to tell my free time especially in the night. So that's why is as you have just witnessed myself the playing games at the midnight until the midnight and uh you know yeah you may say like I don't know so yeah it's end Saturday and tomorrow is Sunday and I I think I will be the same or will be the same exactly the same as I I am now today.