I regret choosing my mom when my parents divorced

本站添加: 2026-05-30

[00:00:06]When I was 17 my senior year in high school I get a text from my dad one day and this is on a little Nokia cell phone because it's 2005.

[00:00:27]And the text said something like your mother's been having an affair.

[00:00:37]And in that moment of time the only person I had known who was having an affair was him.

[00:00:48]With the neighbor.

[00:00:52]And I remember texting him back now that it was out in the open because this was just something that was happening.

[00:01:03]And I had been even telling my mother you know dad is having an affair with the neighbor, right? It's very obvious. And she had been like very nonchalant about it, very dismissive of it.

[00:01:24]Her answers were very strange and vague and somehow I couldn't put together that, oh well, she's having an affair, too.

[00:01:35]I just found it strange and I had just decided to do my own thing anyways.

[00:01:43]So my dad texted me that and I replied back to him that well, I know you're having an affair.

[00:01:51]And it continued down a rabbit hole that essentially it turns out my mother was having an affair and in fact she was having an affair a lot longer than my father had been. So, what had happened was a year and a half before that day unknown to me or anybody else my mother had started to have an affair. Get this.

[00:02:27]There was this dog park in the neighborhood I lived in and we lived in a in a a very nice neighborhood, gated community.

[00:02:36]There was a a dog park and I had brought my dogs there and I had met a guy who I knew as DJ Dave because he was a DJ at a radio station.

[00:02:54]And he was a really cool guy and he had two dogs.

[00:02:58]And it turns out that my mother who had been to the dog park on a separate occasion with our dogs had met DJ Dave and fell for him and started having an affair with him a year and a half before my dad sent me that text that day.

[00:03:21]And our life at that time was my mom was hardly working. My father's chiropractic business was wildly successful and he was making more money than necessary, put it that way. We had a garage full of toys and boats and a big beautiful house and a pool in the backyard, and expensive hunting dogs, and and my mom's life was incredible.

[00:04:01]She had certainly worked hard and helped my father get to that point, helped building his business.

[00:04:09]And she was reaping the rewards of that, which was she was driving a beautiful car, shopping and buying whatever she liked, going and doing as she pleased, and hardly working.

[00:04:33]So, that she would start to have an affair was very strange.

[00:04:44]And though the writing was on the wall, due to her behavior, it was just seemed like such a illogical illogical and unreasonable move to make on her part that it was hard to believe that she would have done such a thing.

[00:05:07]And I think my dad felt the same way because my father is a good-looking man.

[00:05:14]He's a stud.

[00:05:16]He's in good shape. He made good money.

[00:05:19]They'd been married 18 years.

[00:05:23]It was truly a decision that my mother made that was so incredibly self-destructive that I basically still to this day resent her.

[00:05:40]And I don't think that I ever I think the best it is ever going to get is to just simply not have that feeling towards her. And I get there because she is my mother, and I wouldn't be alive if she didn't grow me in her womb and birth me.

[00:06:02]And I'm healthy.

[00:06:05]She didn't cause me any issues by making any bad choices during her pregnancy, and she was a loving mother growing up. So, I can be less resentful when I take those things into consideration.

[00:06:23]However, I talk about this because See, I remember growing up my parents fought a lot.

[00:06:34]They were married because my dad got my mother pregnant on their first date, and then my dad did the right thing and married her. And then they did stay together a long time, and they were two people that might not have ever got married because they would have realized maybe they weren't compatible, but they had a child together, me. They worked well together. They were both very ambitious.

[00:07:01]They built a very successful life together.

[00:07:04]Lots of money. They did fight a lot, viciously. They did fight a lot.

[00:07:09]And I do remember there were times that I did want them to separate because I felt like they would be happier.

[00:07:21]And I say this because my mother started having an affair.

[00:07:28]And when you are neglecting your significant other because you're having an affair, your significant other will naturally seek out fulfillment in another person's arms. And my father, I'm sure, could have done a better job communicating with my mother.

[00:07:53]Nonetheless, he had basically just gone without her attention for a year, and then it just so happened that the neighbors moved in.

[00:08:06]And that family had their issues. That husband a lot and was having marital issues with his wife. His wife happened to be a very beautiful blonde woman who was very charismatic.

[00:08:22]I remember I started seeing my dad hang out with her, start working out together, and then they started having an affair. It was very obvious.

[00:08:31]And the attention was all on them. All the while my mom was doing her thing.

[00:08:38]And I think that my father never would have had an affair if my mother didn't start one first.

[00:08:46]That's a hard thing to accept, and it might not be true, but I think it is.

[00:08:56]And I talk about this because it's therapeutic to talk about, and because I have nothing to lose, and because I'm calling out dysfunction.

[00:09:11]Because we live in a time right now where the status quo, the standards, are only getting worse because of things like this.

[00:09:24]Because of the way my parents behaved.

[00:09:28]The way my mother behaved is the reason why my quality of life is worse than their quality of life was.

[00:09:40]And it's all relative because some people all I know is that anyone I speak with has a worse life than their parents. So, it's important to talk about what's going on.

[00:09:56]And tell the individual stories of where did things go wrong. In my case, what went wrong is it all started with that my mother abandoned her family.

[00:10:14]My mother went started having an affair with another man when she had a husband and a son.

[00:10:23]And that's why I don't have my parents in my life now.

[00:10:28]As a 40-year-old man with two beautiful children and I'm married and they don't have their grandparents because when your parents are separated and belong to different families, they have to take care of their new families.

[00:10:43]They have to go be a part of those families. It it ruins the extended family.

[00:10:50]And in that way, I have a less quality of life than my parents had because when my parents were raising me, I had all my grandparents. Why? Because my grandparents were married. My grandparents were loyal to each other.

[00:11:07]So, my parents had both sets of their parents helping them, supporting them, taking care of me, being a part of my life. And that's called an extended family, and having an extended family is a very high quality of life.

[00:11:22]And my parents had a very high quality of life when they could have had a very, very difficult, harsh struggle.

[00:11:29]But, that they each had both their parents involved for their entire young adulthood.

[00:11:37]And I haven't had my parents in my life since I was really 17.

[00:11:44]Because they separated and they got divorced.

[00:11:46]And I know other stories where people have it much worse.

[00:11:53]And yet it's relative because their parents had it at least better than them. It's only getting worse. The standard is only becoming worse. It's despicable that my children don't have their grandparents in their life because of immorality.

[00:12:14]And it didn't even have to be that way even my parents separated.

[00:12:20]But my mother it's like okay, she has an affair.

[00:12:26]It goes a year and a half. My father starts an affair because she's neglecting him and there's a woman who is welcoming him with open arms.

[00:12:36]And then they get separated officially because it all comes out.

[00:12:43]My mother actually told my father she was having an affair.

[00:12:49]And then when they separate, my mom breaks it off with the man she was with.

[00:12:55]Who knows what happened there. Could be that he broke up with her. We'll never know. But either way, all of a sudden then she became she had a mental breakdown.

[00:13:06]I mean like I don't know if you have ever experienced somebody who had a true mental breakdown. It is like it's so bad that you if you are in close contact with that person, you will lose all empathy and compassion for that person. They will drain you so emotionally and I was See, I had to basically side with my father or my mother when they split and I made a bad call.

[00:13:36]I sided with my mother.

[00:13:40]Because my dad always told me growing up, always look out for your mom. So, I listened to him and when my parents split and my mother had [snorts] a mental breakdown, instead of being happy which all she needed to do was just be happy. You weren't happy.

[00:13:57]That's why you went and you had an affair.

[00:14:01]Because you weren't happy. So, go be happy. Now that you got everything you want, now you have a mental breakdown?

[00:14:08]Now you're screaming and crying like a child every single day all day with tears pouring down your eyes and just having the most erratic, terrible, horrific behavior a human can possibly have, making my life and everybody's life around you horrible.

[00:14:24]Why aren't you happy?

[00:14:29]I sided with her and did everything I could to support her and I backed the wrong side.

[00:14:37]Because still to this day See, what that did is that cost me my relationship with my father because my dad stayed with the woman that he was with. Good on him.

[00:14:51]My mother had an affair on him. He started a relationship with a new woman.

[00:14:55]Sure, it was still while he was married.

[00:14:57]He could have communicated it better, but he found a new woman because his left him. Okay. And he's still with her.

[00:15:04]Still with her to this day.

[00:15:06]And he takes great care of her and he takes great care of her kids. He's a good man for taking care of that family. And he would have looked after me, too, better had I backed him.

[00:15:20]Instead of backing my mom because backing my mom created a lot of resentment and tension between my father and I because of her.

[00:15:29]And because I backed her. And at the end of the day my father would continue my mother would only continue to implode and make terrible financial decisions.

[00:15:42]And if it wasn't for the fact that she's a very good looking woman and was able to secure a new husband who had a lot of money and she's doing well now, I have had zero strategic benefit in backing my mom still to this day.

[00:16:00]Like she has done nothing for me. And yes, this is self-interest, of course.

[00:16:06]I look after myself. I look after my wife and kids. I want what's best for my wife and my children and me.

[00:16:13]That is what it is.

[00:16:15]And I'm making this video just to show how the modern era is, how at least this era is of navigating these very intricate family dilemmas that happen now so commonly.

[00:16:40]People getting divorced, people having affairs, people splitting and breaking.

[00:16:46]Had I going go back, I would regret This This is a regret video. I regret backing my mom.

[00:16:53]I I regret backing my mom. I would have went all in on my father because now Yeah, my mom's remarried. She remarried a really wealthy man.

[00:17:06]He's a good guy. He's cool. He's not my dad, so I don't expect anything from him.

[00:17:13]And he's not a He's not a bad guy at all. I don't expect him to love me like a son or anything like that. And he does a pretty decent job anyways. I met the guy though at like in my late 20s is when she got remarried.

[00:17:24]It's just he's not my father. I'm grateful that he looks after my mom and that my mom gets to live in a mansion and have a great life and he does a great job taking care of my mother. I'm happy for my mother. I'm happy for him.

[00:17:36]He does good. That's awesome.

[00:17:39]I get nothing out of that. My mom does nothing for me.

[00:17:43]She thinks she does. Oh, one time my mom when she was around, she was like buying my kids a bunch of toys.

[00:17:55]And talking about it. Oh, isn't it great?

[00:18:01]Bought you all this stuff. Like she buys them toys here and there.

[00:18:08]With little Oh, Grandma bought you the toys. Grandma's the this. Grandma's the that.

[00:18:14]And she came down here one time and I rarely see her anyways, but she buys my kids all these toys and she's sitting there talking about it over and over and I just exploded on her.

[00:18:26]Absolutely exploded on her and made sure she understood like you are a tourist.

[00:18:31]You're not anything to this operation. You don't contribute anything. You don't do anything.

[00:18:38]And I don't ever want to hear you talk about the money you spent on my kids when their day-to-day life for years has been my wife and I shouldering that.

[00:18:50]Paying for daycare, paying for everything because you and my father are not in my life at all. So, don't tell me how much you paid for this one little round of toys that they didn't need cuz they already have an ounce of toys because toys are cheap and they're plastic and that's what everybody does because people just buy kids toys. And my kids don't even need them. They don't even care for them. I never buy my kids toys.

[00:19:18]That's all just junk people don't even want. Most of that's donated from other people who have kids older than mine who have just wanted to get rid of it. My kids go in the backyard with me and play in the dirt and with sticks and dig. They hang out with me.

[00:19:33]They hardly play with any of that stuff.

[00:19:36]So, it's like don't think that you're doing something by buying them toys that I'm just going to throw on that that then eventually will end up in the ocean.

[00:19:43]I lit her up.

[00:19:44]It's pretty bad, actually. Scared her.

[00:19:47]She deserved it.

[00:19:49]I felt bad. I apologized for it later.

[00:19:51]It is my mother.

[00:19:56]And she doesn't live here. She lives in another state, married to another man.

[00:19:59]And my relationship with my father is nonexistent because I backed my mom.

[00:20:06]And that created resentment in him.

[00:20:08]And yet he's the one that ended up continuing to be successful, continuing to have grit and perseverance, and not have a mental breakdown, and not miss a single day at work, and keep his business, and keep his business successful.

[00:20:24]And and he's the one that lives right down the street from me and I never see him.

[00:20:29]Because I backed my mom instead of him.

[00:20:39]And the reason he's with that family is because my mother.

[00:20:46]Because at the end of the day, she betrayed him.

[00:20:50]When we had a guy who my dad never missed a day at work. My dad was the most generous man you could ever have as a father with his knowledge, with his money.

[00:21:06]Was he a hard ass? Yeah, yeah. My dad was a hard ass. He's the kind of guy to circle a B on your report card and write loser. He's the kind of guy to expect the chores to be done when he says have them done.

[00:21:17]Yeah, my dad was a hard ass.

[00:21:20]That's That's great. It's a great father. That's why I'm a hard man.

[00:21:24]It's why I'm It's why I'm married. It's why women liked me cuz I wasn't some limp-wristed mama's boy.

[00:21:32]Thank you, Dad.

[00:21:34]So, we had a good man looking out for us and my mother betrayed him. So, he goes to a new family and yeah, the woman he's been with treats him great and is loyal to him and does everything my mom wouldn't do.

[00:21:51]Keep him happy, keep him satisfied, be his companion.

[00:21:57]Her children are great to my father.

[00:22:00]Their own father is a terrible human being. My father is an awesome man.

[00:22:04]Generous with his with their kids, just like he was always with me.

[00:22:11]Even we lost him. We lost him to another family because cuz my mother.

[00:22:19]So, her sexual immorality cost cost me dearly and it continues to cost me dearly. In fact, it it most likely cost me for the rest of my life my relationship with my dad, who was my best friend growing up and a great mentor and a great patron and a very generous man who I would really appreciate if I had him in my life right now and I think my kids would appreciate it and my life would certainly be a lot better with my dad in my life and my mother cost me that.

[00:22:57]And she knows it because I've made sure she understands that. I'm not some uh Yeah, I I'm not I'm not a nice guy.

[00:23:07]She knows that. And yet still has the audacity to be, you know, grandma and hey.

[00:23:15]Jesus on the mountain, right? Don't judge.

[00:23:18]Forgive.

[00:23:21]Love your enemy. So, yes, I when my mom begs and pleads and won't stop blowing up my phone, yeah.

[00:23:30]We make time for her. She comes, she visits, she spends a week with the kids.

[00:23:34]My kids do love her. She's a great grandma.

[00:23:37]She hangs out with them, she plays with them.

[00:23:39]Kudos to her.

[00:23:41]She does a good job with that.

[00:23:44]And then she leaves.

[00:23:45]And goodbye.

[00:23:47]Because when you're not around in the routine, you're really just a nuisance to it. She's not helping me pick up my kids every day or take them places or provide any kind of financial support through child care.

[00:24:01]She's a tourist.

[00:24:03]So.

[00:24:08]And I had someone say, "Why do you you make these videos? What if What if your family sees them? What if your mom sees them? What if your dad sees them?"

[00:24:20]Yeah, what if? I don't They No None of them mean anything to me.

[00:24:27]Realistically, like they mean something to me. I mean, they don't actually mean anything to me. Like, these people aren't in my life. They don't Whether they ever talk to me again or not will have zero effect on how my life plays out. So, they could watch the video.

[00:24:44]Probably be good.

[00:24:46]Probably be good cuz I do say a lot more than I would say to their face.

[00:24:50]And that truly I am a coward, but truly because I just don't want to spend the energy saying something like this. I've said these things in summary to them.

[00:24:58]And it's already takes up too much of my energy and and there's no point cuz it's not going to change anything about the way things are.

[00:25:08]So, hey, you're looking at the most blessed guy in that I have a beautiful faithful, loyal wife who treats me well, who provides companionship, who satisfies me, who's a great mom.

[00:25:24]So, I'm happy to be here for her. I'm happy to be here for my kids cuz I've got a good woman.

[00:25:31]And I make this video for my own therapy. I make it out of Sure, resentment, rage, regret.

[00:25:46]It's not about being right or wrong.

[00:25:47]It's just It's just the honest, raw truth. Yeah, I should have backed my dad in those in those tough circumstances.

[00:25:55]When that day, my dad texted me, "Your mother is having an affair." Once I learned the full truth and saw the whole picture and immediately recognized that my mother was having a mental breakdown and going the way that was not going to be advantageous.

[00:26:12]She was a sinking ship and it was obvious. And then to see that my dad was going to continue on and be a power player.

[00:26:20]And for me to go and sink with the ship, I regret that.

[00:26:25]I regret that. I had a heart. I wanted to help my mother. I wanted to Okay, my dad's powerful.

[00:26:31]He's good. He's going to be okay. I'm going to help my mother because she's wretched.

[00:26:38]And so, I'm going to go down with that ship and help her. And that was a terrible decision because as it has played out, it has cost me dearly for decades and cost me here in in moment as I mentioned. It's like my dad lives down the street. We have zero relationship.

[00:26:54]He would be a huge resource.

[00:26:58]A huge, huge patron, a huge ally, had I backed him at that pivotal moment when this all went down. So, I regret not backing him.

[00:27:09]I regret I regret it. I would have done that differently.

[00:27:15]Cuz I don't think it would have changed anything with my mother anyways.

[00:27:19]It was That was going to just be what it was going to be. She was just going to be wretched until years, decades later, a man saved her.

[00:27:27]There was nothing I could do for her.

[00:27:32]So.

[00:27:34]And the big picture here is shame on shame on the whole culture, society, for losing its standard. Hey, no judgment here. I'm a terrible person. There's no doubt about it. The quality of human being I would argue that I am not the same quality of human being as my grandparents, who were incredible quality of human beings. So, I'm a part of the problem, too. But the fact that my life is a lower quality than my parents' life, that's that's unacceptable. The fact that my kids don't have grandparents is unacceptable.

[00:28:18]When their grandparents are alive and well, and they're not in their life, that's unacceptable. That's That does cause resentment. That does cause anger.

[00:28:26]It does. So, yeah, I'm a regretful, angry, resentful guy at my parents and how I navigated them divorcing, because divorces become a war, and you must be very tactical, and tactics is what you do in the moment.

[00:28:45]Strategy is seeing the big picture, and I saw the big picture even at 17.

[00:28:52]And yet deployed terrible tactics in navigating that, and ultimately I I've paid dearly for that.