Feeling aggrieved? You're not alone. | It's Been a Minute

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[00:00:16]First, I want to start [music] by asking you both a quick question. Okay. So, having grievances, legitimate or illegitimate, [music] are you a lover or a hater? I'm going to say I'm a lover cuz every grievance is legitimate. I am a lover, but I'm working on my hate side. Like I do think it's healthy to hate some things and some people, and I'll name them.

[00:00:41][laughter] In my humble opinion, summer 2026 [music] has been one of the best ever. From a historic Knicks championship [music] win to the World Cup tournament that low-key brought America together to Love Island Mania and a [music] quite frankly career-defining album from Madonna. This summer has had something for [music] everyone to enjoy. But as July is rounding out and we're halfway through both the summer and the year, I can't help but notice that the last couple months have also been defined by a cultural title wave of resentment. Some of our most notable pop stars, reality flops, and business mogul have [music] been feuding, oneupping, or trying to get their lick back to a degree that gives me pause. So, I have to ask, do [music] we as a culture have a chip on our shoulder right now? To find out, I have the hosts of Let Me Say This, [music] Hunter Harris and Payton Dixs, on the show for a midsummer vibe check.

[00:01:38]Payton, Hunter, welcome to It's Been a Minute.

[00:01:41]>> Happy to be here.

[00:01:42]>> Thank you.

[00:01:46]Hello. Hello. I'm Britney Loose and you're listening to It's Been a Minute from NPR, [music] a show about what's going on in culture and why it doesn't happen by accident.

[00:02:01][music] Having a chip on your shoulder is decidedly hot for summer 2026. Actually, [laughter] I mean, Summerhouse villain Amanda Bulla, um, she announced that she's not returning to the show next season. Um, New York Knicks owner James Dolan had some noticeable, possibly onesided tension with New York City Mayor Zor Donnie at like the Knicks key to the city ceremony. Like, they won the championship. It should have been a happy day. But many observers noticed that there was a certain chilliness between Dolan coming from his end of things toward mom Donnie and and famously agrieved celebrities Jesse Smlet and Kamo Brown um you know whose public feuds still have a lot of question marks around them. Admittedly I I still have a lot of questions about what happened.

[00:02:47]>> Yeah.

[00:02:48]>> Yeah. But they have joined forces and they have joined forces in a very public you know romantic relationship to maximize their joint grief. I don't know.

[00:02:57]>> Maximize your joint sleigh. [laughter] Yes.

[00:02:59]>> Literally.

[00:03:00]>> Also, joining forces comedic gold. Oh my god.

[00:03:03]>> I mean, >> not like they're dating, but they're joining they're joining forces.

[00:03:06]>> They're developing an army against us.

[00:03:08]>> Literally, [laughter] >> we should all be afraid.

[00:03:10]>> I wonder though, like like why is everyone sporting chips on their shoulders right now? Like what's going on? Why is there grievance in the air?

[00:03:18]>> Honestly, I think you forgot a big one.

[00:03:20]>> Say more.

[00:03:21]>> Okay. If there is someone who culturally is known for having a grievance, it's going to be Taylor Swift. It's going to be the person who just got married at Madison Square Gardener. I think she's that's kind of one of her [laughter] one of her big things. No.

[00:03:35]And I'm saying that with love. I think, you know, we see each other. I really expected Taylor Swift to be on the list because I think that a lot of the MSG kind of fairy tale wedding essentially was about that she finally got the happy ending that she's always wanted.

[00:03:48]>> So, is that like a feud of like her versus New York? Her versus the world >> or like her versus the people. Taylor Swift versus the people.

[00:03:56]>> I feel it. It's like her in her like sort of imaginary high school coded brain.

[00:04:00]>> Her versus the hater. She's like victory love.

[00:04:03]>> Yes, it's a victory love against the haters.

[00:04:06]>> Payton, what do you think?

[00:04:07]>> Well, I think people just like to fight.

[00:04:09]Honestly, we love to bicker. We love a little um tension, you know, cuz what are we without it, right? But I think like these examples are so so funny. I mean something that I the timing of the Kuramo and Jesse situation is so hysterical [laughter] to me. A couple weeks after Jesse calls off his engagement, I believe this is happening and after Kuramo launches his flop AI like self-help >> what is it app >> app and but also to like after Jesse Smalllet's like was it Harlem Pride performance? Well, to call that a performance I would say is generous >> because I I I have that toxic trait where I do make things camp like quickly in a way that they don't be they don't deserve to be called camp. But that performance it had a little sprinkle a little taste of camp in it. [laughter] >> Have I watched it pretty much every day since it came out? Absolutely.

[00:05:05]Absolutely. Shout out to Bobby on who Weekly who downloaded the app and tested it to speak to Kuramo to see like what kind of advice Kuramo gives and it's so broken is is an understatement of what is happening on that app. [laughter] It is. It is beta mode boost. Like it is just >> Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Kuramo's talking to you. The voice is always going to be Kuramo.

[00:05:29]>> It's an AI version of Kuramo talking to you, giving you advice. It's like, "Hey friend, it's Kuramo."

[00:05:36]>> I [laughter] hope the check cleared.

[00:05:38]That's in God's hands now. I don't know.

[00:05:40]The one review was like, "I would be too scared to go on the show, so I downloaded this app and it doesn't work." And Corono, I need help.

[00:05:48]>> [laughter] >> Like it's crazy.

[00:05:51]>> No, >> tech support is what they actually need.

[00:05:53]Not life support. Tech support.

[00:05:55]>> That is stressing me out. I feel like another thing that's very hot this summer is defining the relationship.

[00:06:02]As you mentioned, Taylor and Travis got married. What happened during that wedding that I'm reading out of the tabloids? Confounding stuff. Uh but Zenaia, she started claiming Tom Holland as her husband. But I feel like while some couples have like declared their love, lots of other people have been disagreeing about how to define basic relationship terms. I mean, and yet another piece of rancid discourse uh born of Love Island, the internet was torn apart by trying to parse being boyfriend and girlfriend from being exclusive from being in the dreaded situationship. Um, so first I want to ask you both, is there a difference or all of these things kind of the same thing? Like what's going on? What is the difference between boyfriend, girlfriend, exclusive situationship? What is the definitive answer? What's going on?

[00:06:54]>> I don't believe a situationship is always a bad thing. I think if you're all aligned on the ambiguity of it, if you're both aligned on it remaining ambiguous, then you're in cahoots and I think it's fine. You know, I'm gay though. So, just know that my rolodex [laughter] for the way I see relationships is much more, you know, open. Again, the open-mindedness, right? [clears throat] But I do think that it is, especially with the example of a violin. I do think you're either like dating or you're not dating. I don't think there's a difference between being exclusive and being partners.

[00:07:27]>> And and someone's played in my face before with that kind of lingo. And [laughter] I just don't find because what is the difference? like explain to me now and quickly.

[00:07:36]>> I do feel like maybe we have just come up with too many labels and names when it's really just one or the other.

[00:07:42]Although I do sort of think that if you're exclusive, you're not seeing anyone else. Just cuz I'm not seeing anyone else. That doesn't make you my boyfriend. Like you have to earn that title. But I'm strict. So >> interesting.

[00:07:53]>> And also you could be boyfriend and girlfriend and still be open, right? So there's also like there's so many Yeah, I agree. I think that we've just overindexed on terminology that now it's kind of confusing us all and we've become the Spider-Man meme of like what are we?

[00:08:08]>> That's >> I don't know. [laughter] >> That's the general vibe I get. I mean, if I really think about it, like I was watching and I was just like I've been watching all this discourse unfold for days and days and days and I'm like on one hand I am strict actually. Um but also I've been with my husband for 11 years. We've been married for four but we've been together for a million years.

[00:08:28]Girl, you have a Virgo moon. I know you're strict.

[00:08:30]>> I'm very strict. I'm so strict. I can't help it. Yeah. I mean, after we had been dating for 2 and 1/2 weeks, we basically became exclusive. But like that would have been, I think, for even for me a little early to be boyfriend and girlfriend. We didn't have time. But a like maybe a month after that, he said, "I love you." And then I was like, "Oh, I guess we're boyfriend and girlfriend now, right?" And he was like, "Oh, yeah." So now I'm like, "Was I in a situationship? Am I boo-oo the fool this whole time?"

[00:08:56]I think you're only in a situationship and it's and it becomes a bad thing when you don't know you're in a situationship when it's like one-sided as Payton was saying earlier like it can be a situationship can be a beautiful place.

[00:09:06]I would never drop anchor there but I think it's fine to be you know casually seeing someone and the situation is you know beneficial to both of you. I feel like a lot of people have deep fears about breakups, even though that's always just part for the course and always an option no matter like how open or closed you are, how long you've been together or not. So like I think there's a lot of fear around the idea of labels because the minute you label it, it's something you could lose and lose with more maybe attachment. But I just think like if you move into a relationship where you know that there's an op there's a chance that like we might grow apart, we might change. Things might happen and this might come to an end. I think the finality of that feels more severe when you add boyfriend, girlfriend or partner to the question.

[00:09:55]>> I'm like we got to get our hands dirty.

[00:09:58]I mean I say we I'm not I'm not doing any of this. I'm literally I'm at home [clears throat] watching other people.

[00:10:02][laughter] >> Literally like I'm >> approaching from the sideline. Thank you. literally not participating in any of this. But I think you really hit upon something which is that honestly it kind of feels a little bit connected to people just being haters, having chips on their shoulders, having all these grievances. There's like a lack of I think faith, not just faith that something could work out in a relationship, but almost like a sort of pervasive sort of like culturewide lack of faith that like even you could recover from heartbreak. Everybody gets that from time to time, I think. But like there's this I think sometimes almost like a catastrophizing like imagining something terrible like a breakup that would be so difficult that you could never possibly experience any happiness after that. And that seems like that's kind of baked into here too.

[00:10:51]This this total lack of faith.

[00:10:53]>> They need to get off of Love Island is what they need to do. They just got to do the artist way. [laughter] We're going to take a quick [music] break, but first, if you're a longtime listener or brand new to It's Been a Minute, be sure to come back every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, [music] and Friday for brand new episodes. And did you know you can make it even easier to get new episodes [music] by hitting the follow or subscribe button on your favorite podcast app? Whether you're a new friend or a loyal bestie, join the team by subscribing [music] today.

[00:11:24]coming up after the break.

[00:11:25]>> I'm someone that I I grew up standing as a former [music] Twiard.

[00:11:31]>> Stick around.

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[00:13:20]The last thing that's on my mind this summer [music] is I'm feeling like a vibe of general thirst um and not just for the rippling muscles of the world's finest international men's soccer players. That made me think of another group of people that I suppose one could describe as thirsty. Christopher Nolan fans bought IMAX tickets in July 2025 for The Odyssey, which came out in July 2026.

[00:13:48]I love a movie as much as the next person. I don't have the patience to wait online like around to buy stuff. It just stresses me out. I can't do it.

[00:13:57]>> Well, you have a job. You're employed.

[00:13:58]That's why.

[00:13:59]>> That's what I'm saying. And I have to just And that's all I can focus on.

[00:14:02]Okay. All I can focus on is coming to the job. But I don't know. I can't help but think that like the film bros that forked over this money a year ago to see a movie that came out this summer. I don't know. I I can't help but like but wonder if any of those people would see themselves in the Swifties that are like waiting outside for spare desserts from Taylor Swift's Madison Square Garden wedding. Um but I feel like there's definitely some overlap there. I wonder like what are you all seeing in all of this? Like, do we need to unpack her thirst or am I just being a hater?

[00:14:36]>> Wait, Britney, don't make me defend a man. Like, I didn't realize Nolan had barbs like that. I do think that we had um Caleb Heron on the show a couple weeks ago on our show and we were kind of like talking about like boys loving sports and how it's like, oh my god, like they're like the Swifties of, you know, the Spurs or whatever. And he made a good point that's like let men love sports because it keeps them out of the Ovon podcasting that kind of incel culture. like they find community here.

[00:15:03]Let's let them have it.

[00:15:05]>> That's really interesting.

[00:15:07]>> I do die for that one guy that's like Jaylen Brunson is my father. He's [laughter] my dad. He's my I live. I live. [laughter] Again, I do want to redirect that energy again towards like maybe more like important cultural and political events. But let's start here.

[00:15:22]Let's start here.

[00:15:23]>> Jaylen Brunson is a political event and Jaylen Brunson is a political event.

[00:15:26]>> He's a key to the city. I mean, I feel what you're saying, right? Like there's like a type of obsession though. I feel like that can come with something >> like a mass hysteria.

[00:15:34]>> Yeah. Sort of like when you want to see a movie and then it's like, "Oh, well, I didn't buy the tickets 26 days ago."

[00:15:40][laughter] So, even though it's coming out this weekend, I can't see it because every film bro in the tri-state area or wherever you live, whatever county you live in, has bought all of the tickets.

[00:15:50]I can't tell if people are doing it out of enjoyment or doing it because >> out of like duty, out of like group think. I don't know if there's a line between consumption and enjoyment. Um, how wide or thin or blurry that is, but like sometimes it feels like a sort of like I'm checking this off as opposed to like, oh, I wanted to see this movie. I really like this director. Well, look, I listen, I am a film bro, so I understand the impulse. Um, but even sometimes I'm like, this is too much. makes me kind of wonder, I don't know, like what's the line between wanting to enjoy something, I think, among a group of like like-minded people and like kind of turning something that maybe is meant for enjoyment into a sort of spectacle that kind of feels like a little bit removed from the actual thing itself.

[00:16:35]>> I think I don't mind the spectacle of it when, to Hunter's point, when it's a product instead of a person. I feel like it gets into really dangerous territory when we pedestal people in that way. I truly thought you were going to bring up the Club Shalomé and the non-binary Parisian waiting outside Connor stories.

[00:16:53]So I that's what I thought you were talking about.

[00:16:55]>> That I mean to me I'm like that's almost like beyond thirst. That's like actual talking danger violence.

[00:17:01]>> Well, yes.

[00:17:02]>> That was wild.

[00:17:02]>> I mean to stand to stand is a dangerous game.

[00:17:05]>> Well, yes. A physical assault. Yes.

[00:17:08][laughter] >> So that's where I thought you were going with it.

[00:17:11]>> Do I wish that it were easy to buy movie tickets? 100%. But also, I'm happy that people are seeing a movie that's not like >> AI generated.

[00:17:17]>> I don't [laughter] even know a freshman year gender studies idea idea of a good movie. Yeah.

[00:17:24]>> Yeah. I think like, you know, cuz I'm someone that I I grew up standing like um as a former Twiard.

[00:17:31]>> Wait, a Twiard? Is this somebody who's into Twilight? Twilight came out when I was in undergraduate.

[00:17:36]>> Okay, that's fair.

[00:17:37]>> So, I missed >> the the mass hysterereia event.

[00:17:40]>> And you're never too old.

[00:17:41]>> You're never It's never too late to start. never too late to start. But I do feel like in so many ways, a lot of my queerness and a lot of virtual community for the first time for me was built loving this book and movie. And then eventually, yes, these actors, right?

[00:17:55]Like I was introduced to Kristen Stewart and then watched every single movie she was in. Turns out I'm a lesbian. um if that wasn't a clear through line, but um [laughter] you know, so there's something that I think could be really like magnificent and transformative and exciting about building community and understanding oneself again through a product or a um an entity versus like a person. Like I was never like a a crispian. I I was for a brief like uh hysterical week, but I think I was just like on my period. But like a different thing than a Twiard, right? I like to be obsessed with Chris and Stewart.

[00:18:30]>> A Crispian. You I think I I again a context. Julie, I think I understand what a Crispian is.

[00:18:35]>> I'm so sorry. I forgot that I'm brain dead. Um [laughter] and other people have fully developed frontal loes. But Crispian is a Kristen Stewart fan.

[00:18:44]>> I love that name though. That's so cute.

[00:18:46]I love that. I love that.

[00:18:48]>> This is for a very niche audience. I'm so sorry. [laughter] Sorry to the NPR listeners. And well, Hunter, I'm curious. Have you ever done that thing where you waited to buy a ticket or for anything for a concert or a movie or anything?

[00:19:02]>> Um, well, famously when the seventh Harry Potter book came out, I made my aunt and uncle go to the bookstore and pick it up for me cuz I saw a rumor on the internet that people were running around like spoiling the last page in um, parking lots and that was that was like a big fan community for me when I was like growing up. But again, it was like I liked Harry Potter and like the world and not JK Rowling herself, which is, you know, what gets people tripped up. Um, but I think the last time that I really stated like if your line stay in line, oh, was when I got I got an AMX card so I can go so I could get tickets to the Heim pre-sale.

[00:19:40]>> Oh, you serious?

[00:19:41]>> 5 years ago.

[00:19:42]>> And that's on financial irresponsibility.

[00:19:44][laughter] >> You're a dream customer, by the way. A dream customer.

[00:19:49]>> [laughter] >> and I'm not proud of it.

[00:19:55]>> I feel like you've illuminated so much of what I've been trying to understand for the past couple months. It's overall been a good summer, but [music] also I'm like between the heat, some accusations of of of FIFA mess, [music] a lot of the things that we have discussed today, still in recovery from having watched Love [music] Island.

[00:20:15]There's a lot I feel like that I personally have been working through.

[00:20:18]that I think our listeners and viewers have been working through as well. And I can't think of two better people to have discussed all of this with. Thank you both so [music] much, Hunter. Payton, you're wonderful.

[00:20:29]>> Thank you so much. Thank you. This was so fun.

[00:20:33]>> That was Hunter Harris and Payton Dixs, co-hosts of the Let [music] Me Say This podcast.

[00:20:39]This episode of It's Been a Minute was produced by >> Alexis Williams.

[00:20:43]>> This episode was edited by >> Nina Potuk. Our supervising producer [music] is >> Sher Vincent.

[00:20:49]>> Our executive producer is Barton Gerwood.

[00:20:51]>> Our VP of programming is Yolanda Sanguini. [music] All right, that's all for this episode of It's Been a Minute from NPR. I'm Britney Loose. Talk soon.

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