Sis Who Thinks Dad/Stepmom's Affair Is No Big Deal Got Cheated On & Ask For Mom's Support AITA

Añadido: 2026-05-25

[00:00:00]Am I the A-hole for telling my sister she doesn't deserve our mom's attention and sympathy after [music] finding out her fiance cheated?

[00:00:08]I, 26, female, have a younger sister, Bella, 23, female, and we've had a tense relationship for the past 10 years. When I was 6 and she was 3, our dad, 47, male, cheated on our mom, 47, female, which destroyed our family. My mom was working hard in medical school while also trying to parent me.

[00:00:28]>> [music] >> Meanwhile, my dad resent that she had the audacity to continue school instead of dropping out to be a full-time wife.

[00:00:36]Instead of talking to her about it, he became passive-aggressive, tried to sabotage her, and eventually started an affair with my stepmom, Judy, 44, female. My mom found out when she came home and caught them in her bed.

[00:00:50]Since Bella and I were really young, my mom decided not to tell us the truth.

[00:00:55]Judy used that to get in our good side.

[00:00:57]I was always [music] polite but distant, but Bella was young enough to fall for it, and before long, she started calling Judy mom. That really upset our mom, but Judy and my dad loved it. I found out the truth when I was 10 and became cold and angry whenever I had to go to my dad's place. My mom tried to put me in therapy, but Judy and my paternal grandmother didn't think it was necessary.

[00:01:21]>> [music] >> So, my dad refused to consent. My mom had to take him to court over it. When Bella was 13, she started pressuring me to acknowledge Judy on Mother's Day and to convince our mom to share the day with her since, in Bella's words, they're both our moms. I finally snapped and told her the truth. At first, [music] she didn't believe me, but when Judy's brother confirmed it, she sulked for about a week. Then, she went right back to being affectionate with Judy.

[00:01:50]Her excuses? It was a long time ago.

[00:01:53]Cheating happens. You can't stop love.

[00:01:55]Everything worked out in the end. She started telling our mom she should forgive our dad and accept Judy. She even told her that she would be a bad mom if she hated them more than she loved her children. To her credit, [music] my mom tried to get along with them, but Judy was such a passive-aggressive mean girl witch that my mom eventually gave up. When it was time for Bella's high school graduation, she gave our mom an ultimatum. Either sit next to Judy for the entire ceremony and pay for her and our dad's share of the dinner bill, mom's already paying for everyone else, or she wouldn't be invited at all. Our mom chose to sit out the graduation and not attend the dinner. Judy then made a post about how evil some mothers can be for not putting their children first.

[00:02:41]Bella liked and shared it.

[00:02:43]>> [music] >> In response, our mom took back the car she had gifted Bella. It was still in her name. She still paid for Bella's [music] college tuition, but refused to cover her room and board like she had for me. Bella accused her of favoritism.

[00:02:57]After that, they went very low contact and it's been that way for years. During this time, Bella met, dated, [music] and got engaged to Ethan, 26 male. She did send our mom a wedding invitation, but I suspect it was just to get some money out of her. Unfortunately for Bella, the engagement ended after she found out Ethan had been cheating on her. She learned it the hard way when she went to the doctor and discovered he had given her an STD. Bella reached out to our mom, but all she got was a short text, "I'm sorry you're going through this."

[00:03:30]Bella was furious, but I told her that given how she had treated our mom and dismissed what our dad and Judy did, she shouldn't expect much. Now, Bella, my dad, Judy, and some paternal relatives are calling me an a-hole. Am I the a-hole?

[00:03:47]Now for the top comments. Not the a-hole. The forgiveness bus is a ride set up by people who do awful things and don't want long-term consequences.

[00:03:57]I am brazenly and unashamedly stealing the heck out of this line. What a perfect way to sum up the whole be a bigger person scam. Thank you.

[00:04:07]Not the hole. Why is Bayla upset? If she thinks your mom should forgive your dad and Judy, then she should forgive Ethan and his affair partner. She should even attend their wedding and send an expensive gift. Maybe even pay for their wedding dinner.

[00:04:22]Dad and his relatives and Bayla, who's been brainwashed from an early age, think you're the bad one. Everyone else without a bias rightly thinks you are not the hole. Stick with mom in this whole mess.

[00:04:35]Looking at this from just your and your sister's perspectives, you're the hole.

[00:04:40]Age and time matter here. Your sister was three when this happened. She probably doesn't even remember a time when your parents were together. If she grew up knowing Judy as his second mom for 10 years, of course she wouldn't feel the same way you do. You found out the truth at 10. She found out at 13.

[00:04:59]You just can't compare the two situations.

[00:05:02]You're right. Both situations are different. My mom gave my sister more sympathy towards her situation in a single text than Bayla ever gave her in years.

[00:05:12]Next story. Am I the a-hole for feeling betrayed after my wife hid that she could never have kids until years into our marriage?

[00:05:21]I, 34 male, met my wife, 33 female, about 10 years ago. From the very beginning, I knew she was special. We clicked instantly. Same sense of humor, same life goals, or so I thought. And just an overwhelming feeling of this is the person I want to build a life with.

[00:05:39]As we dated, I made it very clear that I've always wanted a family. I wasn't pushy about it, but I talked about how I looked forward to being a dad someday, how I wanted to raise kids, and create a loving home together.

[00:05:53]She never gave any indication that she didn't want that, too. She would smile, nod, and sometimes even talk about what kind of parent she thought she'd be.

[00:06:03]Fast forward a few years, we get married. [music] It was the happiest day of my life. I loved this woman with my whole heart, and I truly believed we were on the same page about everything that mattered. Then a few years into our marriage, he started talking more seriously about trying for kids. That's when she finally dropped the bombshell.

[00:06:23]She has known since before we even met that she has a medical condition that makes it impossible for her to conceive.

[00:06:30]Not unlikely, [music] not difficult, impossible. I was stunned. It wasn't even just that she couldn't have kids, it was that she knew all along and never told me. Not when we were dating, not when I expressed over and over how much I wanted children, not before we got married. When I asked her why she never told me, she just said she didn't want to lose me and hoped that by the time we got to this point, I would love her enough that it wouldn't matter. She also admitted that she was scared I would leave if I knew. And now, >> [music] >> I don't even know how to feel. I love her. I loved her. But I can't shake this overwhelming feeling of betrayal. This wasn't some small omission. She took away my ability to make an informed decision about my future. She knew this was a deal-breaker for me and just lied by omission. I feel trapped. I feel cheated. And worst of all, I don't know what to do next. Reddit, what would you do?

[00:07:31]She only cared about protecting herself, and he should now do the same.

[00:07:36]Well, everyone is telling him to leave and divorce, but he stupidly thinks that giving kids adoption or surrogacy, with his liar fee woman will fix his marriage. No, because having kids is not the real problem here. The problem is that she lied, strung him along and trapped him. Having kids will not change the fact that she conned him into marriage. Kids cannot save marriages with these kinds of issues. Having kids with a woman who you cannot trust will not be beneficial for you or the kids.

[00:08:07]If later OP decides he cannot keep with what she did to him.

[00:08:11]Yeah, this exactly. Well put. There are other ways to have kids [music] without conceiving naturally, but that's not the issue. Is that she misled him for years. If she told him while they were dating, been honest and vulnerable, he might have said, "Hey, we can adopt instead. It's okay by me." But she didn't. She kept a lie up for years and even talked about herself as a parent, knowing that it was impossible in a natural way. The betrayal is, in my opinion, unforgivable and that's why he should leave.

[00:08:43]You should leave her. She betrayed you, strung you along for her own selfish wants. She completely dismissed her feelings and made you look like an idiot. Sorry. "I knew this was important to you, but still doesn't care because she got what she wanted. You can never trust her now. A relationship without trust is nothing. Not the A-hole."

[00:09:03]>> [music] >> I've seen a lot of replies saying I should leave her and honestly part of me agrees. I feel completely betrayed and trust is such a big deal to me, but I also don't want to condemn her for something she couldn't control, her medical condition. The issue is more than she never really talked about wanting to have kids either. It's not just about the kids, it's about the fact that she hid something so important from me. I care about her deeply, but I don't know if I can move past this. I'm leaning toward leaving because I'm struggling to see how we rebuild trust after this.

[00:09:38]Next story. Am I the a-hole for telling a woman her baby is not a miracle?

[00:09:43]15 female here. My baby half-brother was born a few months ago. My stepmother has baby fever right now and has been arranging mommy and baby events at the house, constantly inviting other moms and babies over. I don't care. They can do whatever they want as long as they don't bother me. However, she usually wants me to help with prep and clean up, which I don't like doing because it's not my problem and they're not my guests. Anyway, this past weekend, one woman was there with her baby and she kept going around showing the baby to everyone, repeatedly asking, "Is she not a miracle?" Honestly, it was obnoxious, but I wasn't rude. I didn't say anything until she stopped me on my way out to see my friends. She asked, "Is she not a miracle?" and then offered me the chance to hold the baby. I asked, "Do you want an honest answer to that?" She said, "Yes." So, I said, "No. Tens of thousands of them are made every day.

[00:10:41]It's the furthest thing from a miracle."

[00:10:43]She was annoyed and said I was short-sided and rude. I didn't say anything and just left. Later that night, my stepmother and dad told me I had been rude to their guest and should have assured her that her child is special because she is special to her. I honestly don't care, but they want me to call her and apologize and I don't see why I should. She was the one who stopped me, asked me a question, and insisted on an answer. I even offered to bow out, but she wanted an honest answer. So, I gave it. Am I the a-hole?

[00:11:15]Now for the top comments.

[00:11:18]I mean, she asked a teenager, what was she expecting? Honestly, it's just the fact that she was going around making people say her child is a miracle rubs me the wrong way. So, not the a-hole.

[00:11:31]Personally, as a mom and an employee at a high school, you do not want your teen girls baby crazy. In fact, you want them to be 100% grossed out by them. All the girls at the high school I work at that get baby fever end up pregnant.

[00:11:46]Exactly, and her answer was entirely age-appropriate, especially [music] dealing with an infant sibling. The girls who babysit a lot or have infant siblings are generally more nope on babies, too.

[00:11:58]You were not rude. You were unkind.

[00:12:01]There is a difference. She approached you and insisted on an answer. If anyone was rude, she was for insisting. She learned that not everyone would love her baby. It is an important lesson, but she learned it from a 15-year-old than someone else. However, you were unkind.

[00:12:18]Life is hard enough. Being unkind is just throwing more hate in the world that already has too much. This may be a small thing to you, but you never know what is going on with people. You could have just said a thing that will push this person over the edge. That is not cool. This is a smile and nod moment.

[00:12:37]You give a half smile, nod your head in a vague half no/yes, and move on. If you ever wonder if you should say something, ask yourself how you would feel if the situation was reversed.

[00:12:48]Solid response. To add, if someone has gone through infertility or a difficult pregnancy, their baby does feel like a miracle. The way she goes about it and insists on people agreeing is weird and rude, but there might be a lot going on that you don't know or see. So, kindness and moving on is really the best approach.

[00:13:09]Last story. Am I the A-hole my mom got dumped because I didn't want her new boyfriend sleeping in our house overnight?

[00:13:17]So, my mom has been living with me, a 24 female, since she got divorced a decade ago and has been struggling to manage things on her own since then. She lost her job in the summer and was originally looking for jobs a lot, but now she isn't really doing that. She met someone working for my apartment recently and they were talking a little bit for a few months. Now, this talking was literally just seeing each other outside and chatting for a minute before going about their way. Well, she had him over for the first time on Christmas Eve 2024. We were fine with that, but requested that he please not stay overnight since he's a stranger to us. She refused to kick him out and he stayed in our apartment the whole [music] night. After that, I tried to discuss some boundaries with her, which I thought were reasonable.

[00:14:05]The only boundary I had was for him not to stay overnight until my sister and I got to know him better. She was mad at us for that and frequently argued with us and tried to plead with us, but she respected it.

[00:14:18]But one night was weird because she went to bed at 10:00 p.m. Then at 11:00, she came to get us saying he texted her wanting to come over and asking if we would let him. We gently stated our boundary again and she said that she's already told him he could stay overnight. That hurt me a little, but she ended up telling him to go back home. She was mad though since he lives a few hours away and only comes to the apartment to work. But he could come over a couple of nights a week and they'd sleep together then he'd leave before it got too late. Some of the reasons my sister and I requested this boundary are because our dad was notorious for having random people over when we'd come for visitation as teenagers and not warning us beforehand.

[00:15:02]And it's also weird because not once have they gone on a traditional date.

[00:15:06]They never go places together and my mom has no interest in it.

[00:15:10]>> [music] >> It's only texting her roommate a couple of nights a week. She's also been drinking a lot more since meeting him, which concerns me because she is already jobless. The final part of the story is that she says he's just broke up with her because my sister and I wouldn't let him stay overnight. I tried to tell my mom we didn't mean never and just wanted to get to know him before a stranger slept in our apartment. I also think it's weird that he would rather not be with her than wait a little bit to sleep with her overnight. And keep in mind that they were seeing each other multiple times per week, not just overnight. My mom is pissed at me, begging me to let him stay overnight so she can get him back and giving me the whole spiel how she has always taken care of us and this is how we repay her, saying, [music] "Don't you care about my mental health?" And that he's the only thing that makes her happy. This has been weighing on me for weeks. So, I really need to know, am I the A-hole for upholding my boundary? Edited to add.

[00:16:08]Adding a new section about where the guy lives to make it clearer, since I shouldn't have buried it in long paragraphs. I don't want to reveal too much, but he lives 3 hours away and his job involves traveling. So, he's down where we were on weekdays and doesn't have a permanent place up here. Yeah, of course. We lived with my mom when I was 14 until college, when I started paying most of the rent because my mom was struggling. But my sister and I moved for a work opportunity a few years ago and our mom came with us since she didn't have much at our old place and couldn't pay rent alone. That's why we live together now. When the divorce happened, we lost the house and have been living in apartments and people's basements since.

[00:16:51]Not the A-hole. It is 2025. Please inform your mom that a dude who would rather go to your house with your two adult kids to have sex instead of, I don't know, his home is married.

[00:17:04]Or, since he doesn't have a place to stay in the area he works, is looking for a free hotel with extras.

[00:17:11]I feel you, but in my experience, when dude would rather text you at 11 and come to you rather than ever inviting you to his, it's because he can't be caught at his.

[00:17:21]She says he just broke up with her because me and my sister wouldn't let him stay overnight. [music] He broke up with her because she does not have her own place. She's just blaming you for it, not the A-hole.

[00:17:33]The guy is a mooch. All he cares about is a free place to sleep and getting some action. If he really wanted to have a relationship with her, he'd get a hotel room. He obviously is either married or has a significant other and this is his side gig. Mom is being used and wants her kids to accommodate this loser. There's nothing wrong with Mom wanting a sex life, but she should make other arrangements. What if everyone in the house was bringing folks in for sleepovers? Yuck.

[00:18:22]Am I the A-hole for refusing to let my sister's family live in my house after they sold theirs for a dream vacation?

[00:18:30]So, I 32 male own a modest three-bedroom house that I've been paying off for the last 10 years. It's nothing fancy, but it's mine and I'm proud of it. My sister, 29 female, and her husband, 31 male, are the typical free-spirited types. They've always talked about quitting the rat race, living life to the fullest, all that. Well, a few months ago, they finally did it. They sold their house during a booming market thinking the profits would fund a year-long break to travel. They believed they could stretch the money by traveling cheaply, staying in hostels or Airbnbs, and getting by with occasional odd jobs. At first, they stayed in nicer places and ate out a lot thinking they had plenty of cushion. But, within 2 months, they were out of money. They underestimated how quickly expenses would pile up, [music] especially with two young kids, seven female and five male, to feed and care for.

[00:19:26]Now that their funds are drained, they've decided to stop full-time travel, but don't want to settle down yet. [music] Instead, they asked to live with me rent-free for the next 10 months while they figure things out. They say they'll still try to take some occasional trips if they find super cheap deals, but for the most [music] part, they want to stay at my house. I told them no. My house isn't big enough.

[00:19:49]I don't want the disruption, and I certainly don't think it's fair for them to live off me because their plan failed. I offered to help them find an affordable rental, or even cover part of their expenses for a couple of months so they could get back on their feet, but that wasn't enough. My sister blew up at me, >> [music] >> calling me selfish and accusing me of being jealous of their adventurous lifestyle. To make it worse, my parents are siding with her, saying that family should help family and that I'm being too rigid. The thing is, my parents live in a small apartment and can't take in my sister's family, which is probably why they're pushing it to me. They say I don't understand the value of experiences and that I should be more supportive. Some of our mutual friends are also saying I should be more understanding, but I think it's completely unreasonable to expect me to house their whole family for nearly a year just because they didn't plan properly.

[00:20:43]>> [music] >> Am I the Now for the top comments. They say I don't understand the value of experiences. Tell them you don't value the experience of having freeloaders in your house indefinitely. Not the I would have just started laughing uncontrollably and wouldn't have even been able to answer for the last 5 minutes.

[00:21:05]Financial screw-ups, check. Parents on side of financial screw-ups, check.

[00:21:11]Mutual friends on side of the financial screw-ups, check. Parents can upsize.

[00:21:16]Mutual [music] friends can accommodate.

[00:21:18]You are under zero obligation to fund their financial screw-ups.

[00:21:23]Yep, I would start telling all of those people, "I'm so glad you want to help sister/brother-in-law.

[00:21:29]Would you like me to tell them the great news that they can live with you rent-free with her two kids? Or do you want to give them the happy news?" To the parents, "I'm happy you want to help them out.

[00:21:39]>> [music] >> Do you want my help to sell your current place and look for a bigger place?" When they are all like, "Oh, we don't want to house them." Be like, [music] "Yeah, neither do I. So, you do understand. You just think it's okay for them to take advantage of me. Good to know you think so little of me. I will be lowering contact till you pull your head out of your behind. Not a hello, B."

[00:22:01]OP, please install cameras all around your house if you don't already have any. People who think it's wise to sell their home and became vagrants with very young kids who should be learning socializing in school are not sane people and I wouldn't put it past them to try and force their way in and squat.

[00:22:19]Next story. Am I the a-hole for accidentally ruining a highly anticipated wedding through a compliment?

[00:22:26]I, 17, female, have been staying at my uncle's house for a few weeks now. He is a handicapped man who lost both his legs to a car accident 5 years ago. Being a wheelchair user, he always believed that he would never get married or have a love life because of his age and physical limitations. However, he is a very hilarious man with an entertaining personality and almost all our relatives love him and we all wanted him to find love. After a lot of matchmaking, he finally started dating a girl a year ago. They decided to get married on September 25th, 2024.

[00:23:02]A week ago, I came across an Instagram post of my friend, and in that picture, I saw my uncle's girlfriend chilling in the background. What I didn't notice was the guy standing next to her. She was wearing a beautiful dress. So, I sent that picture to my uncle appreciating his girl's beauty. Turns out that the guy I ignored was her ex. There arose some conflicts, [music] and he called off the marriage. She may or may not have cheated on him. They didn't clarify anything. All my relatives are outraged after realizing that I was the main reason for [music] this. They told me that I should have shown something like this to proper adults instead of ruining a long-awaited marriage. I tried telling them that I didn't expect it to turn out like this, but they all keep insulting me for being a family ruiner. My uncle said that we should not try matchmaking this case again, and that he is not interested in anything anymore. My senseless action led to all this mess, and I feel very guilty. Edit one, the picture was not taken long ago. It was clicked on September 10 at the birthday party of the said friend's sibling.

[00:24:09]Not the You didn't ruin the marriage.

[00:24:11]>> [music] >> It was a pre-existing issue that you unknowingly exposed.

[00:24:15]Exactly. It's unfair to blame her friend covering something that was already brewing beneath the surface.

[00:24:22]It's tough to see how one mistake spiraled into such chaos. Your intentions were good, but it's a reminder that relationship can be fragile. Don't be too hard on yourself.

[00:24:32]You didn't mean for this to happen.

[00:24:35]So, wait. Your family thinks it would have been better if your uncle never found out his fiance cheated on him and just ignorantly married a cheater anyway? Jesus. What a bunch of ableist Your uncle is not some charity case who should gratefully accept whatever crappy cheating is willing to make a terrible sacrifice of marrying him. He's a good man with a great sense of humor who happens to use a wheelchair. He's allowed to have as high standards for a partner as anyone.

[00:25:05]Whoever he ends up with will be just as lucky to be with him as he will be to be with her. If your uncle was able-bodied and his fiance cheated, no one would think you ruined his wedding by accidentally alerting him to the cheating. They would rightfully blame the cheating fiance for ruining her own wedding and breaking your uncle's heart.

[00:25:24]This deeply ableist belief that this was his only chance and you ruined it by revealing she was a crappy person that crappy is all he can hope for. So, it would have been better if he never found out. So, this is your fault, OP? Is absolutely disgusting. Your uncle deserves better from his future partners and way better from his horrible ableist family who don't seem to see him as a whole person equally deserving of love, loyalty, and respect.

[00:25:52]I agree. Even with your uncle's condition, he deserves that will truly love him and will not cheat on him. You did not ruin his wedding. You prevented your uncle from being miserable if he finds out that her girlfriend is cheating on him after their marriage, OP. Not the A-hole.

[00:26:09]Edit two. After taking inspiration from all the people that told me I am not at fault, I mustered up the courage to ask my cousin what exactly happened. The girlfriend was indeed cheating. I confirmed it. I stated that my family loves my uncle, but hearing everyone's take on this, I am genuinely questioning it. I don't know much about the core of family drama involved in this because they don't consider me an adult to share any of it. They are enforcing the forgive and forget culture. My grandmother is still trying to convince my uncle for a compromise. Apparently, I don't think she considers cheating as a problem. Don't question me. I am just as baffled as all of you.

[00:26:50]Next story. Am I the A-hole for wanting to go nuclear after my sister-in-law kicked out her teenage sons?

[00:26:57]Hey everyone. My husband, 34, and I, 36, are in a tough situation with my sister-in-law, Barbara, 41, and we need an outside perspective on whether we're overreacting or if our stance is justified. We're leaning toward the latter, but are open to thoughts.

[00:27:14]Barbara has four boys, 17, 14, 13, and 7. Despite her having a rough history with bad relationships, her kids have always been well-behaved. The only constant man in her life has been Reese, 48, her on-and-off husband who does nothing for her or the kids except work.

[00:27:32]He blows his money gambling, cheats on her openly, and relies on her for everything else. For 7 years, she's come to us venting about him, swearing it's the last time, but always goes back. In 2020, after yet another huge fight, the entire family intervened. We sat her down, told her we were here to help with anything she needed, lawyers, a safe place for her and the kids, even handling the legal stuff if necessary.

[00:27:58]She agreed to kick him out, but within 6 months, he was back because [music] he couldn't find a place to stay. This grown man, who has worked a steady job for 20 years, somehow [music] needed help. Since then, things have gotten progressively worse. Barbara decided to stick with marriage counseling, even though the whole family urged her to leave. She's clung to the idea of honoring her marriage despite the toxic environment. As a result, her kids have started to suffer. [music] The eldest started skipping school and smoking heavily. A few months ago, my husband got a 2:00 a.m. call from him, who said he was self-harming and afraid to act on it. When we got to their house, we learned he had told his stepdad the same thing, and Reese told him to just do [music] it because no one would care. My husband, understandably, hit him in the We took the boy to the hospital and after his release, brought him home with us for 3 weeks to help him recover.

[00:28:54]Eventually, he returned to his mom's house thinking things had smoothed over, but they quickly fell apart again. Soon enough, the second oldest began having issues, too. For months, they'd been fighting constantly and we didn't realize how bad it had gotten until we couldn't get in touch with either of them. Barbara had gone silent. My husband showed up at her house and announced, something our family often does for fun, only to find out that she had washed her hands of the two boys for being disrespectful and kicked them out.

[00:29:25]She had even turned off their phones and didn't know where their was thing. We found out that they'd been crashing with friends for weeks, tried to stay under the radar because they were embarrassed.

[00:29:35]We picked them up from school and brought them home with us again. They told us that their mom and stepdad had been bullying them, constantly fighting, and that they didn't feel safe going back. Barbara admitted that she put them out, but insisted things weren't as bad as they made it sound. Now, my husband and I want to go full nuclear, report this to CPS, the police, and anyone who can intervene. But, the rest of the family wants to handle it internally. We feel like two minors were abandoned and that this deserves an extreme response.

[00:30:05]But, the family is now saying we're overreacting and at the end of the day, these are not our children. So, are we the for wanting to report this situation and not leave it to family discussions? The two oldest boys are with us for now, but we're ready to escalate this.

[00:30:23]Now for the top comments before the little update. "Escalate it Monday morning. Good grief, what a mess. Not the asshole."

[00:30:31]"No, don't wait for a business day. This needs to be handled now. A call to CPS and police. You can't kick your kids out of your home. There's still two kids in the home. They need to be checked on, too.

[00:30:44]This, the two oldest were kicked out because they could and probably were fighting back. The youngest can't. Not the hole.

[00:30:52]You're not the hole. Barbara's actions, kicking out her teenage sons and creating a toxic unsafe environment, are serious and should be reported. You're absolutely right to involve authorities like CPS and the police. This is about protecting the kids and family discussions won't fix the underlying issues. You did right thing by prioritizing the boy's safety. It's good you called the police. This situation requires outside intervention.

[00:31:20]Not the hole. You can save the other two kids a decade of trauma if you put your foot down and end this. If she won't leave him, that's a her problem, but those kids need out. Don't be the family that watches them get burned to the ground and does almost nothing but watch cuz family. Be the family that cares enough to save them. Ignore all the enablers who get upset. I was that child and I will die with resentment for most of my family who knew, but ignored it.

[00:31:48]Be the adults those kids deserve. Do the right thing, even if it angers people off because they can't pretend everything is perfect anymore to outsiders. Stop protecting the adults and protect the children.

[00:32:01]Before you escalate, you should get a family law attorney and get on pace to get certified to be foster parents.

[00:32:08]Being related is not an automatic reason for CPS to give custody. Ask how I know.

[00:32:14]Go nuclear after your ducks are in a row.

[00:32:17]Definitely prioritize the boy's safety.

[00:32:19]Report it. They need a stable environment ASAP.

[00:32:24]Update, we called the police. [music] Thank you all for the support.

[00:32:28]Last story. Am I the hole for not wanting to go to my cousin's wedding after she brought a cake saying recovering from drugs to my birthday?

[00:32:37]So, I, 32, female, have been clean for almost 3 years now after struggling with drug addiction. It's been a rough road, but I'm proud of how far I've come. Most of my family have been supportive, but some, not so much. My cousin, Emily, 28, female, and I aren't that close. We get along, but it's not like we talk often or anything. A few months ago, my family threw me a small birthday party. I was feeling really good about it. I mean, I've been through a lot, and I was finally in a place where I could enjoy being around people again. Everything was going fine until it was time for cake. Emily walks in, all smiles, holding a cake that says, [music] "Congratulations on recovering from drugs" in big, bright letters. I felt like my heart dropped. It was so embarrassing. I mean, yeah, everyone there knew about my recovery, but it wasn't something I wanted plastered all over a cake at my birthday party. Some people laughed awkwardly, and I could tell a few of my family members were just as uncomfortable as I was. Emily, though, acted like it was the funniest thing in the world. She said it was just a joke, and she thought it'd be a funny way to acknowledge my progress. I tried to keep it together, smiled through it, but inside I was hurt and angry.

[00:33:56]Afterwards, I pulled her aside and told her the cake was completely out of line.

[00:34:00]She kind of rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, come on, it was just a joke. And you're being too sensitive. I was just trying to show I'm proud of you." I explained that my recovery isn't something I want joked about, especially not in front of people, but she didn't seem to get it at all. She just shrugged and moved on like it was no big deal.

[00:34:20]Now, her wedding is coming up in a few weeks, and I really don't want to go.

[00:34:24]I'm still hurt over what happened, and I just feel like she doesn't respect my boundaries. It's a big family event, though, so if I don't go, everyone's going to notice and ask why.

[00:34:34]>> [music] >> But honestly, I don't want to sit through the whole thing pretending everything is fine when it's not.

[00:34:40]I told my mom how I felt, and she said I'm overreacting. She thinks Emily's joke was dumb, but harmless, and that skipping the wedding would just cause drama for no reason. She keeps telling me to just let it go and not make things awkward, but I don't know if I can. I feel like this is more than just about the cake. It's about the fact that Emily doesn't seem to respect my recovery or my feelings. Am I really supposed to just get over it for the sake of family peace?

[00:35:08]Not the hole. She crossed a major line.

[00:35:11]Your feelings are valid.

[00:35:13]Thank you.

[00:35:14]I absolutely agree. Don't go if you don't want to. You can, however, wear a sash with recovering drug addict on it and see how funny she'll find that. Not the hole. Totally. And your mom should be on your side and not to try to appease some family members.

[00:35:30]Take your cell phone a trip of the wedding. Take lots of pictures and share them with everyone on social media with captions that say things like, "My cousin reminded me how important it is to celebrate my sobriety, so I am."

[00:35:44]Enjoy your life. Your feelings are so valid, >> [music] >> and that's the thing about invitations.

[00:35:49]They're requests, not requirements. You never have to go to anything you're invited to if you don't want to go, and it can be for any reason at all. Your cousin being a jerk is definitely a good reason. And anyone who is mad about it afterward can stay mad because you are allowed to make adult choices in your adult life. Your cousin was hurtful, period. And everyone else at a party, besides the ones defending her, knows it. If they are also invited to the wedding, they will completely understand when you don't show up. They might not even show up themselves. Who wants to celebrate a person like that anyway? I wish you well and congratulations on your sobriety.

[00:36:29]>> [music] >> That's such an amazingly huge thing and you've got all my respect.

[00:36:53]Am I the a-hole for raising my kids as a single dad instead of trying to find them a new mom or mommy figure?

[00:37:00]My ex left me and our kids 3 and 1/2 years ago. Our daughter was 3 and 1/2 at the time and our son was 18 months old.

[00:37:08]She has nothing to do with me or the kids now and that includes child support. Though I'm trying to get that for their sake. Ever since my marriage ended, I have been focused on the kids and that's where I plan to keep most of my focus for the next decade or more.

[00:37:24]>> [music] >> My kids are still young and will need me to provide the best life I can for them.

[00:37:28]Dating is not something I'm interested in much to the frustration of my family.

[00:37:33]My sister has tried to set me up with two of her friends and my mom tried to set me up with a single mom co-worker of hers. I spoke to the women they wanted me to meet but I just wasn't interested.

[00:37:44]It drove my mom and sister crazy and they asked me what was wrong with those women and to explain the kind of partner I want. My mom told me the kids need a mom in their lives and raising them alone is not in their best interest. I have stepped back twice because of the pushiness and right now they are in timeout because they would not let up on me. They said the kids would benefit from me blending families with someone or giving them a stepmom. When I told them it would not be better for them if I dated just to give them a mom because that's not a good foundation for a new relationship. They said I should find someone I want. I made it clear my interest is in raising my kids and not my love life. I even had them ask what my daughter will do when she gets older and doesn't have a mom to speak to. I am incredibly lucky that my best friend in the world is amazing and she's happy to talk to my daughter if she ever wants or needs. She's in my kids lives and they know her and my kids are close with her husband, too. So, we have our own support village. It's better than what my family offers right now and sadly, better than their maternal family has been willing to offer. And now I've had to block several family members because even in time out, they keep pushing.

[00:38:57]>> [music] >> So, now I'm here asking because my family is relentless. Am I the a-hole for raising the kids on my own? Am I failing my kids?

[00:39:05]Now for the top comments. Not the a-hole. Studies show that they will be fine with a single dad. You are trying to keep your children out of toxic cycles and that is great.

[00:39:16]All the step parent stories you read on Reddit would indicate they may be happier not having to deal with a step mother and or step siblings.

[00:39:25]A lot of step families come with their own challenges and not every kid thrives in that environment. If you're providing a stable, loving home, that's what matters most for their happiness and development.

[00:39:36]They said the kids would benefit from me blending families with someone or giving them a step mom. Or as evidenced by the many, many posts here from people who have cut off their formerly single parents for forcing a blended family on them before they were ready, they will cut you off in a few years. I even had them ask what my daughter will do when she gets older and doesn't have a mom to speak to. She'll talk to you. What do they think she'll do? I have a wife and my daughter still chooses to speak to me about her deeper issues. Being a good supportive parent is not dependent on your or your kids gender identity. Not the a-hole.

[00:40:13]They think she won't want to talk to me about periods and other topics like that.

[00:40:18]>> [music] >> I'm prepared for her to come to me or my best friend or maybe she'll have a friend's mom or a sister she'll talk to, but I always wanted to be an option even before my ex left. I love my kids and want to do right by them both.

[00:40:32]I have a feeling your kids will be a lot happier and well-adjusted than many single parents' kids who cycle through bad relationships. Good on you for doing what every parent should, putting your kids first. It's obvious that you are a great dad and a great person, not the a-hole.

[00:40:48]I'd like to think so. I don't want to put us in a cycle of misery where everyone I bring home doesn't work out and the kids struggle and I struggle and it's not fair to any woman to be brought home for the purpose of my kids and not the actual relationship. Those relationships always seem to turn out the most toxic and I've seen them in others, not what I want for any of us.

[00:41:11]Next story. Am I the a-hole for refusing to reconnect with my mom after finding out she only gave me up for adoption to chase a man?

[00:41:20]I was adopted at birth. My parents never kept it from me. I grew up knowing I was chosen and I never felt like something was missing because my adoptive parents gave me a loving and stable home. So much to the point where I never seriously even considered searching for my birth parents. But last year, curiosity got the better of me and I took one of those 23andMe DNA tests mostly to learn about medical history and heritage. A few days after I took my test, I saw that my mother had messaged me and while I was a bit surprised at first, I did decide to reply to her. She said she always wondered about me and that she hoped I had a good life. At first I was a little cautious for obvious reasons, but she did seem genuine. So we exchanged numbers and started messaging and eventually even called. Later on, the calls turned into FaceTimes. I thought that this could be something nice and healing, but then she told me why she gave me up. And the reason really hurt me.

[00:42:18]>> [music] >> It wasn't because she was struggling or wanted a better future for me like you see in the movies. It was because she was in love with a man who didn't want any kids. When she got pregnant, she didn't tell him and says she hid it from him. How do you hide a pregnancy from someone for 9 months? Once I was born, she gave me up for adoption so that she wouldn't lose him. She said it was a hard decision, but the way she spoke about it was like she was reminiscing about a great romance, and not about giving away her own child. And truth be told, this really hurt me. I tried to hide it, but couldn't. All this time, she didn't give me up because she was struggling or wanted a better life for me. She gave me up because I was inconvenient for her life. I told her I needed space, and that I couldn't act like nothing was wrong. She said I was being unfair because she was just young and scared. I talked about this to my adoptive parents, and they're being supportive regardless of my decision.

[00:43:14]But they want to stay neutral as it's between me and my mother. Am I the A-hole for walking away from her after finding out this?

[00:43:22]Oh my god, totally not the A-hole. I'll give her credit for telling you the truth, but regardless of what her reasons were, you don't owe her anything. She's the one who chose not to keep you. You do what's best for you.

[00:43:35]Luckily, it sounds like you have great parents.

[00:43:38]Yeah, on one hand, it's nice knowing, but Jesus, what kind of reason is that for leaving a child? As for my parents, yeah, they're amazing. I really couldn't be any happier and love them so much.

[00:43:51]Honestly, it's a good thing she didn't raise you. Imagine the kind of values, or lack thereof, you'd have grown up with.

[00:43:58]She does not get to decide what is unfair. You put yourself out on a limb to learn more. You learned more. Now, climb back down from that limb and have a great life with your great parents.

[00:44:09]And the reason she did it is so crazy.

[00:44:11]Young and dumb or not, it doesn't matter. It's an entire life that she just threw away like I didn't matter whatsoever.

[00:44:19]I will give your bio mom a hint of grace because at least she didn't literally throw you in the trash and managed to find incredible parents for you. You don't owe her any grace or any part of a relationship and no one should expect that. But remember, you won with your parents and are still winning.

[00:44:37]Next story. Am I the a-hole for not inviting my mom to my baby shower because she told people I was faking my infertility?

[00:44:45]For years, I lived in the shadow of infertility. It was a battle that consumed not just my body, but my emotions, my marriage, and even my sense of self. I went through countless rounds of IVF, each one leaving me more drained than the last. Twice I thought I had finally made it, only to miscarry and have my hopes ripped away. The endless stream of appointments, needles, and negative tests became my normal. It felt like my life was reduced to waiting rooms and lab results.

[00:45:14]>> [music] >> Every pregnancy announcement from someone else felt like a dagger. Friends and relatives would share their joy, and while I tried to smile and say congratulations, inside I was breaking.

[00:45:25]Holidays became unbearable. Well-meaning relatives would ask with cheerful smiles, "So, when are you two going to start a family?" I would excuse myself, lock myself in the bathroom, and cry silently until I could pull myself together again. It wasn't just disappointment, it was grief repeated over and over. Through all of this, I needed support, but my mom wasn't there for me. Instead of compassion, she was dismissive. She brushed it all off saying things like, "You're trying too hard." or "You just need to relax." It wasn't just that her advice was useless, it was the way it invalidated the pain I was in. And then came the moment that changed everything. One day, I overheard her talking on the phone with my aunt.

[00:46:10]She said I was faking my infertility struggles for attention. She claimed I was exaggerating and even suggested that maybe I didn't actually want kids, that I just liked playing the victim. I can't describe the way my heart sank hearing that. It wasn't just betrayal, it was humiliation. My own mother didn't believe me. When I confronted her, she didn't deny it. She just waved me off, told me I was being too sensitive, and never once apologized. She made me feel like I was the problem for even daring to be hurt by her words. From that moment on, a wall went up between us.

[00:46:46]Now, after years of pain, I am finally pregnant. This baby represents not just a new life, but a victory after years of heartbreak. My friends and loved ones want to celebrate, and we're hosting a baby shower. But I made a choice. I didn't invite my mom. When she found out, she cried. [music] She told me this was supposed to be our moment to reconnect. She said she was proud of me and wanted to be there. But I told her the truth, that I couldn't invite someone who doubted me when I was at my lowest, who told other people I was lying, and who never once said sorry. I told her that pretending everything was fine for the sake of appearances wasn't something I could do.

[00:47:25]Now, of course, the backlash has started. Some of my relatives are saying I'm being spiteful. They say it's cruel to exclude your own mother from something so big. But to me, it feels crueler to force myself to sit in a room with someone who cut me down when I needed her most. Smiling through fake forgiveness just so others won't feel uncomfortable. At the end of the day, this baby shower is about celebrating life, joy, and resilience. I don't want that clouded by bitterness or false reconciliation.

[00:47:55]I want to feel safe and supported on that day. So, am I the a-hole for refusing to let her attend my baby shower?

[00:48:02]Now for the comments. Not the a-hole.

[00:48:05]You're not being spiteful. You're protecting your peace. Tell those relatives to kick rocks. Maybe don't invite them either. Congrats on your new chapter.

[00:48:15]Thank you. [music] I don't appreciate their comments, but other than that, they are really supportive of my pregnancy so far, which means a lot to me.

[00:48:23]I would just say, my decision is final.

[00:48:26]I don't need more stress during my pregnancy, so please don't add to it.

[00:48:30]I'm not revisiting this conversation with you again.

[00:48:33]Not the a-hole, but at this point, it might make more sense to simply go no contact. Some things are unforgivable.

[00:48:40]Did she ever explain exactly why she thought you'd lie about something so painful?

[00:48:45]No, lol, which is weird because she took me to a few of the appointments herself.

[00:48:51]Hmm, lying about something to get attention. Sounds like someone was projecting. You did the right thing, and congratulations.

[00:49:00]You're going to have to take the time to figure out what role you want her to have in your child's life.

[00:49:06]Last story. Sister-in-law had a stillborn and now wants me to pretend my baby doesn't exist.

[00:49:12]As the title says, my sister-in-law suffered a full-term stillbirth a few months ago. It was devastating and gut-wrenching for our entire family. The grief was overwhelming because this was her firstborn. My husband and I had also just welcomed our first child, a baby girl, only a few months before. What made everything even more painful was that my sister-in-law and I had spent months planning for our daughters to grow up together. We had imagined sharing milestones, supporting each other as first-time moms, and building those memories side by side. When she lost her baby, it shattered not only her world, but ours as well. The grief was compounded by the contrast that while I was adjusting to life with my baby, she was mourning hers. It has been incredibly difficult to watch her and her husband go through such heartbreaking loss. They have been so broken by it, and we've tried to do everything we can to support them. A month or so after everything happened, my sister-in-law asked me not to bring my baby around her because it was just too hard. She explained that seeing my daughter was a painful reminder of what she lost. Out of respect for her, we stopped bringing our baby along when visiting and arranged babysitters whenever we went over. We also avoided bringing up our daughter in conversation, even though it was hard, because she told us that any mention of her was too painful. I have tried my best to honor those boundaries, but recently something happened that has made me question whether I'm handling this the right way. At a family gathering just the other day, I stepped into another room to pump milk for my baby. While I was pumping, I asked my sister-in-law if she would sit with me for a while. My reason for asking wasn't about the baby at all. It was simply because I felt like I hadn't gotten to spend much time with her during the gathering, and I wanted to check in on her and see how she was doing. I thought it was a small gesture to let her know I cared. Later though, she reached out and told me she was very hurt by my request.

[00:51:13]She said that me asking her to sit with me while I was pumping felt unfair, like I was rubbing her loss in her face. She went further and said she doesn't want me to mention or talk about our baby around her ever again, and that she doesn't think she'll ever be able to be close to her niece. To her, my daughter is just too strong of a reminder of her own baby that she lost.

[00:51:34]>> [music] >> I pushed back gently and told her that while I deeply respect her grief, it feels really difficult, and honestly [music] unrealistic, for me to act as though my baby doesn't exist whenever I'm around her. I told her that I would really love for her to be part of my daughter's life eventually and that I hoped things could get better with time.

[00:51:53]But now she's saying that I'm being unsupportive of her grief and it feels like whatever I do is wrong. I don't want to cause her any more pain. I know her loss is unimaginable. At the same time, my baby is here. She is part of my life and I can't erase her from existence just to protect my sister-in-law from being triggered. I don't want to lose my relationship with her, but I also don't think it's fair or possible to live in constant silence about my child. So now I'm stuck. Am I the a-hole for telling her that I can't pretend my daughter doesn't exist even while trying my best to support her through her grief?

[00:52:30]Not the a-hole. So, I have been on the other side of this. My sister-in-law and I got pregnant within a couple of months of each other. I lost my baby and my sister-in-law had a healthy baby boy. I was devastated. Being around her son was so hard. I would hide in the bathroom and cry every time we were around them.

[00:52:50]However, that was not her problem. Her baby deserved to be celebrated and doted on by the family.

[00:52:56]>> [music] >> I would never have asked her to pretend her baby didn't exist for my sake and actually, the more I was around him, the easier it got. I had another loss that same year and then got pregnant with my oldest son.

[00:53:09]>> [music] >> My son and her son are super close now.

[00:53:12]They are only a year apart and have a special bond. It's been 18 years and the loss of my baby still hurts, but that's no one's problem but mine. She needs to talk to a therapist.

[00:53:23]I'm so sorry for your loss. This is the answer. Sister-in-law's grief is understandable, but if they have to pretend a whole child doesn't exist to accommodate it, it will become calcified and immovable.

[00:53:36]What do the rest of the family think about this?

[00:53:39]Mixed. Some say we should do anything we can to help her and support her in her grief, even if that means not having my baby around for a bit, and the rest of the family can arrange to see the baby separately when sister-in-law is not around. Others say she's being unreasonable. The issue is compounded by the fact that she has been saying things like she doesn't want to live anymore and wishes she died with the baby. When she says stuff like that, we all immediately acquiesce to whatever she needs in that moment because we are scared she might act on these feelings.

[00:54:32]Am I the a-hole for not lying about my sister's whereabouts?

[00:54:36]My sister Jesse's married to a man named Kevin. I have no idea what's going on in their marriage, but Jesse once used me to lie to her husband that she was over at my place when she wasn't. I hated lying to him, >> [music] >> and I told Jesse to never put me in that position ever again. A while ago, Kevin called me late at night asking [music] if Jesse was over at my place because she claimed we were having a girls' night out. I didn't know what to say.

[00:54:59]And when he heard Seinfeld playing in the background, he got suspicious. I got so fed up that I bluntly told him Jesse wasn't with me and I hadn't seen her all day. Jesse and Kevin are getting divorced now, but my sister refuses to tell anybody why. She blames me and still isn't talking to me. Jesse claims she has a good reason for what she did and I ruined her marriage. Am I the a-hole? Edit: My cousin Rachel just told me my sister Jesse is in a nest court and gave Kevin an STD. Today is Thanksgiving in Canada, and dinner is going to be very awkward.

[00:55:32]Now for the top comments. You're clearly not the a-hole. Sounds like Kevin already has his suspicions if he was calling you. And the Seinfeld [music] theme song was all it took to tip him off. This situation is Jessie's fault and no one else's. Edit. [music] Oh my god, OP, you're right. It that is almost beyond belief. That's going to be the most intense Thanksgiving [music] dinner of all time. Buckle up.

[00:55:56]All it took was Seinfeld theme song for the house of cards to come crashing and STDs.

[00:56:02]Not the A home. Jessie is an A hole for using you as a cover to lie to her husband. Jessie is an A hole for not informing you she was using you as a cover. You clearly told Jessie not to use you as a cover.

[00:56:14]Exactly. She didn't just cheat and lie and make her sister lie to use her sister as an excuse without telling her and get angry at her sister when her husband found out her lies. But she put the health of her husband in jeopardy by not using protection. This is a trash human. Just throw them out.

[00:56:31]She blames me and still isn't talking to me. Well, gee. All you did was tell the truth that you hadn't seen her. You already told her you didn't want to lie to cover her affair. I think we can probably infer that's what was happening here and she didn't even pay attention to that. Just used you as a cover without even telling you. She can go pound sand. Not the A home.

[00:56:53]She wasn't just cheating. [music] She was moonlighting as an escort and gave Kevin an STD. If I were OP, I would be thrilled she isn't talking to me.

[00:57:02]Next story. [music] Am I the A hole for not wanting my mother-in-law to be involved in my pregnancy after the stuff she said to me?

[00:57:09]Background. I lost my husband to a drunk driver 3 months ago. Ironically, we were on our way to visit his parents to tell them about my pregnancy when the accident happened. I somehow got away with just a permanent scar on my forehead while he died in a hospital 8 hours later. We were able to talk to him some hours before he passed away and it was well, it was not pleasant. My sister-in-law, my late husband's two best [music] friends, and his cousin have been really helpful through these times. Sister-in-law has come to stay with me indefinitely, and her husband has been understanding. His best friends both keep dropping by to check on me, and so does his cousin. I never got to announce my pregnancy to anyone.

[00:57:48]>> [music] >> I just couldn't get myself to. The only people to know are the four above-mentioned people, and they decided it would be best if I announce it to myself when I'm ready. The thing is, my mother-in-law has not been her pleasant self around me. She hates me for being the one that survived instead of her son, and I feel it, too. She started accusing me of having an affair with his best friend because he came over too much. Then she accused me of hooking up with his cousin. She even accused me of sleeping with his sister since she's been at my house so much. We're both straight women who lost someone close to us, and we decided to ban her from visiting me. Some days ago, I finally felt strong enough to announce pregnancy. I individually called up all the close family. Mother-in-law got really excited and all about the baby, and asked me when she could come over to help me through my first pregnancy. I lost it, and told her she didn't need to be involved with me at all, and hung up.

[00:58:39]This has stirred up many problems in the family, and my resolve might be weakening. I don't want her and her snarky remarks around me during my pregnancy, and I have kept it as brief and to the point as possible.

[00:58:51]Not the D home. I am so very sorry for your loss. She needs to see grief counselor than apologize to you.

[00:58:58]Not the D home. First, I am so sorry about losing your beloved husband.

[00:59:03]Second, mother-in-law accused you of cheating on your husband, of sleeping around, and resents you for surviving the crash. You have no need to have mother-in-law in your life at all. Keep your doors/windows locked all the time so she can never barge in. Get a Ring doorbell, and do not answer the door until you have checked the app to see who is there. Ask sister-in-law to rein in her mom, and to tell her that at some point you may be willing to talk to her, but it is going to take a lot of time for you to forgive mother-in-law for lashing out at you while you are grieving losing your husband. Yes, she lost a son. That doesn't excuse her behavior/actions/words.

[00:59:39]A sincere apology from mother-in-law is necessary, and then you still get to take as much time as you need before allowing mother-in-law back into your life. And once we address the concern I had when you said mother-in-law was suddenly exhausted at wanting to be involved. Grandparents rights are a thing.

[00:59:53]>> [music] >> Not all states enforce them the same, but the basics are that if a grandparent has established a relationship with a grandchild, then they can petition the courts for ordered visitation. That would tie you to your in-laws for the next 18 years without your husband being able to rein in his parents.

[01:00:09]I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your in-laws prior to the accident. Just be aware that any kind of pattern visitation you allow could be used against you. So, letting in-laws visit every weekend? No. Letting in-laws have alone time with the little one? No.

[01:00:24]Bring little one over for dinner every Sunday? No. No pattern. All visitation needs to be very random and very spaced out. 2 hours on a Sunday, 3 weeks later a lunch on Wednesday, and then 1 and 1/2 months after a meet-up at a restaurant.

[01:00:40]Next story is titled "Am I the A-hole for telling my boyfriend I didn't want to spend time with his family after they tried to make me prove I was good enough for him?"

[01:00:50]I went to meet my boyfriend's family for the first time, and it was a weird vibe.

[01:00:55]First, his brother, who is in a similar field of work, started quizzing me on my work like it was a job interview. I ended up joking that I don't talk shop unless I'm getting paid for it after that's went on for a while. He asked me kind of rudely if I just got into that field to meet a wealthy man. My boyfriend and his family are wealthy.

[01:01:12]So, I said that I was in it to out-earn a wealthy man. Another joke, or half joke at least. I like my financial independence. Next, his cousins asked me if I was a workaholic like some ex of some guy in the family who was never home and never did her household chores.

[01:01:27]I said, "Nah, I'm out of work at 5:00 on the dot. I care a lot about a good work-life balance." Then they were saying I was such a millennial, which I don't know what they meant by that.

[01:01:37]There was more, but overall it felt like a job interview or an interrogation rather than a social event. It felt like I was being asked questions and set up to be judged. I left early after a conversation with his mom who was asking me about my homemaking skills and not really liking my answer that my boyfriend is the better cook. And before I met him, I was eating too much takeout, [music] but he's teaching me to cook. His mom made a comment about how in her day women brought something special to the table. I kind of tried to play it off as a joke saying that I bring him beer, but it really didn't land.

[01:02:08]>> [music] >> Anyway, I headed out early and he stayed that night, but as soon as he left, too, he wanted to talk about why I had dipped super early. I said it felt like I was being interviewed for a job of being good wifey instead of just meeting people socially. And I feel like that's not something I enjoy. I like hanging out with people who are chill and accepting. He said it felt like they were just being protective and trying to make sure he was ending up with a good partner and they meant well. And they are like that whenever a new partner gets introduced, but they warm up to people quick. That every woman in the family had been questioned a bit and bonded over it later on.

[01:02:43]I said I already know I'm a catch and honestly, they were disrespecting us both. Me by making judgy comments and him by not trusting him to pick a good partner himself. I said that I didn't feel like going for Thanksgiving or Christmas anymore unless and people apologize and agree to not do this weird hazing stuff again.

[01:03:00]He said that he felt I was being unreasonable, that I should give them another chance at Thanksgiving. I feel like he's being insensitive and pushing me to go somewhere I'm not respected again. Am I the a-hole for telling my boyfriend I don't want to go to his family's holidays after they met me and it felt like they questioned my worth for hours.

[01:03:19]Not today home. However, while I would consider giving the family a second chance if you are serious about the partner is being able to socialize with them would make life a lot easier. Do not go at Thanksgiving or Christmas.

[01:03:31]That is a terrible idea. His family will probably be more entrenched in their ways and feeling possessive. You might as well. I would or sounds wasting a holiday with them if it goes badly.

[01:03:42]Leaving early would also end up being a big deal. Have a way less weighted second chance if you want to. I would not cuz [music] they sound generally sexist as well specifically mean. I wouldn't want to deal with that forever, but it is up to you.

[01:03:56]Not today home. However, his family and he are complete a-holes. His reaction is a look into your future if you tolerate that BS from them and from him. The lot of them clearly feel superior to not only you, but anyone who wasn't born to their tax bracket. [music] It's not wise to ignore such blatant harbingers of relationship inequity and ingrained disrespect. You can do much better.

[01:04:19]Not at all. And how horrible you had to fend off all their questions / hazing on your own. I hope your partner at least had your back on some of it. Also, you've now clearly stated you are uncomfortable with this kind of behavior. So, your partner should be addressing his family that this hazing is no longer acceptable.

[01:04:35]The women bond over their hazing period.

[01:04:37]Bruh, makes me cringe. I wouldn't go either.

[01:04:41]We ended up talking to different people all night. So, he wasn't really aware until I was like, "All right, I'm heading out." And he was surprised.

[01:04:48]Yeah, like this is some sorority girl crap. They should be more mature than that.

[01:04:54]Next [music] story. Am I the a-hole for hiring security for my wedding?

[01:04:59]I'm 25 female and getting married to my fiance, 26 male, next spring if all goes well. My father's girlfriend and her two children, whom I have known since I was 9 years old, are not invited. I I want to go into it all here, but I will say that my stepmother did things that I as an adult now consider to be abusive, including stealing my belongings, trying to get me diagnosed with disorders I don't have, and going to rages with almost no provocation. When I was 16, I left my dad's house and cut off all contact with him for years. When my fiance proposed, it struck me that I would have nobody to walk me down the aisle. So, I reconnected with my father and began repairing my relationship with him. Unfortunately, his girlfriend and her kids were still in the picture. So, I was polite to them and tried to only go see my dad when I knew they weren't around. A month or so ago, my stepmother walked in on me and my father while we were going over wedding plans, and she cheerfully mentioned that she hadn't gotten an invite yet, but she would like to RSVP so we could set aside vegetarian meal for her, which made things awkward because I hadn't sent her an invitation because I didn't want her to come. Nor her kids. None of them had apologized for or even acknowledged my childhood, except my dad. I tried to give her the chance to, but she got very sulky with me and stormed off. I'm assuming so she could whine about me to her Facebook groups, seeing as that's what she always did when I pissed her off as a kid. A couple weeks ago, she sent me a message that just said, "Can't wait to see you on your big day." I didn't reply. I just called a friend from school who had started his own security company and offered him his first ever contract, my wedding. He graciously agreed. He thanked me for the contract on Facebook.

[01:06:36]He tagged me, and since he tagged me, my family saw it and now they're telling me I'm going overboard. And weddings are supposed to be happy occasions, and the presence of security would bring down the mood. Not only this, but now my dad's side thinks I'm psycho, paranoid, etc. because you don't need a whole security team to keep out one fat lady and her two kids. But on the other hand, it's my wedding, right? Thoughts? Edit for clarification. While talking about the veggie meal thing, I did eventually come out and say that there wouldn't be a plate for her because she and her kids weren't invited. I didn't want them there because they never apologized for what's happened in my childhood. She got sulky and left.

[01:07:17]Not today, hon. Regardless of your personal situation, it's always a good idea to have security to an event where a bunch of adults are going to get drunk. Taking into account your situation, it's even more of a necessity.

[01:07:29]I agree with this. We had security at our wedding, but that was due to the venue requiring it. We have to give a complete [music] guest list so they could check off who was attending. I know not all venues have this requirement, but I have been to a couple of weddings where I had to show ID to enter.

[01:07:44]Offer your photographer a bonus if they manage to get video of security tazing her and dragging her away. Not today, hon.

[01:07:51]Okay, this made me burst out laughing when I was stressing out and about to have an anxiety attack. Thank you. Did I mean actually do this?

[01:07:59]Last story is titled, "Am I the a-hole for ruining the family vacation by refusing to go to dinner after my husband laughed at his cousin's joke and telling him to take his mistress instead?"

[01:08:10]I found out after we were already married that it's very common for the older generation of men in my husband's family to keep a mistress as long as they're discreet about it and don't have any outside babies. We once went on vacation with my husband's family including his sister, cousins, and their spouses. My sister-in-law needed to get some new clothes because she was supposed to leave earlier than the rest of us, but decided to stay.

[01:08:33]While we were shopping, the shop assistant was flirting with my husband.

[01:08:37]His cousin James made jokes about adding her to my husband's collection of girls in every country. And how he always said a leopard never changes his spots and that a new marriage couldn't stop my husband. My husband and his other male cousins thought it was the funniest thing ever. I didn't find it so funny and neither did his sister. He told James to shut up. In the evening, we were supposed to go for dinner and my husband noticed I wasn't getting ready.

[01:09:00]So, he asked me to hurry up. I told him I didn't want to go. We had an argument where he was saying James was just joking. I told him I didn't find it funny and he could take his mistress to dinner instead. He kept insisting he didn't have a mistress that James was just making a dumb joke and he was sorry for laughing but I refused to budge. In the end none of the other girls went to dinner with them. We all ended up going somewhere together and wouldn't let them come with us.

[01:09:25]For the rest of the vacation my sister-in-law insisted we would treat it like a girls trip and the boys could do whatever they wanted without us. My husband was pissed at me for overreacting to a joke and ruining the family vacation especially since James apologized too but things didn't go back to normal. Was I the a-hole?

[01:09:42]Joking about a mistress is a deeply disrespectful thing to do. It sounds like you weren't the only woman fed up with this kind of banter. It is a shame the holiday wasn't what any of you planned it to be but you are not the a-hole for being upset. I will say this now that you are home perhaps it is time to move past it. Make it abundantly clear that these kinds [music] of jokes are not tolerated but let it go. If it happens again then it might be time to worry about the people in your life and re-evaluate things but until then enjoy life. Good luck.

[01:10:13]This dump the husbands sister-in-laws included if they won't change. Keep the rest of the family. They sound cool.

[01:10:21]Not the a-hole and good on you women supporting each other. Adultery isn't a joke and if your husband thinks it is he has to think again. When you found out about the tradition did you discuss it with your husband? What did you agree?

[01:10:36]How about the girls make a joke about the wife having a side man and see if he thinks that is so hilarious. Let's see if he feels embarrassed in front of his family. [music] He shouldn't right? It's just a dumb joke.

[01:10:48]Not the a-hole but culturally I'll bet if you took a discreet lover or you ladies joked over having one join you on your ladies time out that he wouldn't be laughing either.