He Grew Up on 8 Mile Road and Built an Empire From Nothing | Kelly Siegel - Author and CEO of NTM

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:00]So my entire upbringing till I was 16 years old, I was scared to die. That's why I'm fearless now. It took me years to overcome that. This is how I did an EMDR therapy to make me harder than life because life was going to be hard.

[00:00:12]>> What if the life you were born into was never meant to define you. Kelly Seagull grew up surrounded by abuse, addiction, and chaos. But instead of becoming a product of that environment, he made a decision to break the cycle.

[00:00:24]>> One of the best business advice I can give anybody. The art of saying no.

[00:00:28]knowing exactly who isn't for you. They find time for Netflix and chill. They find time for scrolling. They find time to drink with their buddies. But you can't find time to go do what makes you money or improve yourself. Make an investment on yourself is the best freaking investment you'll ever make.

[00:00:44]Building a multi-million dollar tech company as CEO of National Technology Management. From battling his own demons to writing harder than life, a raw story of overcoming poverty, addiction, and violence. There has never been a more opportunistic time than right now. With AI and social media, anybody can be anything they want now. Just do forced hard things. There is no shortcut. You have to do the work. The truth hurts once a lie hurts forever. The world could be anything you want it to be in this world. You just have to freaking help people and help yourself and work on yourself.

[00:01:28]Talk to me about growing up near 8 Mile in Detroit.

[00:01:32]>> Yeah, it's a great story because I'm still coming up. So, we got to People know me as the as the non-drinking bodybuilding fitness guy that's obnoxious and crazy, but you know, I haven't always been that guy. There's it's it's the struggle. It's the it's the backstory. It's that's it's it's it's the Hallmark special of growing up, you know, and violence and and poverty and abuse and and so I you know, and the beauty part about healing and doing the work on yourself is I can look you right in the eye and not have a single feeling about this. You know, it used to be your heart would be would be beating. You'd be triggered. I would feel like I'm bragging. But you know what? This is this is the heart of the work. And a lot of us haven't addressed that subconscious, that childhood trauma, whether it be big T like mine or little T like other people. So, I grew up both parents alcoholics, both parents just bad news. Uh, mother, stepfather, abusive, stepfather was a big dude who used to beat on me all the time. My mom almost killed me, my stepdad almost drowned me. And it was just there was it the worst you can think, it happened every day. So my entire upbringing till I was 16 years old, I was scared to death. Scott, I've used all my my fear up. That's why I'm fearless now. I don't I was scared. My mother had a stalker. I ended up putting him in the hospital.

[00:02:50]This went on for years. It was it was crazy chaos.

[00:02:55]And every single day they were out drinking. There was no food in the house. So to this day, if I get hungry, I do get triggered. So, if I you'll see me with uh with protein bars and and what but I've done a tremendous amount of work. But what I didn't do is I drank the poison and expected them to die for years and until I looked myself in the eye and said, "This is you. It's your responsibility to live your life.

[00:03:22]Nothing. Keep being the victim and keep pointing the finger at my mother and my stepfather for and and and say woe is me." Kept me playing small. And it wasn't until the pandemic that I said, "This is crazy." And I started doing videos.

[00:03:37]>> Yeah. The pandemic is only years ago.

[00:03:39]This is when you were 16.

[00:03:40]>> I'm You know, it it from 16 until 43.

[00:03:45]I crutched with alcohol. Alcohol, women, and partying, man. And and and perceived success financially. You >> were still building the company. Oh, I made ton I made tons of money, but blew it every dollar trying to be >> trying to look successful. And I was successful. We made a lot of money, >> but I just hated the person in the mirror. It was there was no fulfillment.

[00:04:11]There was nothing. It was just every day we were on that hamster wheel and I call it the merrygoround. And you just go round and round around till you puke.

[00:04:19]And I got there and it was at a point when I was 43 and I just said, "This ain't working for me." And I just cold turkey quit drinking and said, "I'm declaring war on myself." And I was in Key West, Florida partying on the beach.

[00:04:34]And I said, "I'm done." Took a scotch, set it down, walked away. Haven't touched >> But why was drinking such a Because at that moment, you were you were successful. I put that in like air quotes. You're financially successful.

[00:04:47]A lot of people would have not felt they needed to radically change their life at that point from 16 to what was it 43.

[00:04:56]>> 43 and 43.

[00:04:57]>> So obviously this is the way that you've lived your life probably a lot of traumas that you just sort of pushed down with substance and all and work too. Work's one of the things that probably sort of helped you escape those traumas. So, what at 43 made you think even though I'm by everyone else's definition successful, now I got to stop drinking and now I got to get rid of all devices.

[00:05:17]>> Yeah, this is a good So, it was a love story. I kept meeting the people who weren't for me. I kept meeting my mother that now that I'm completely healed. I'm still working going to the next level.

[00:05:28]You got to keep growing. So, I realized I was meeting my mother, someone who was emotionally unavailable. When the slight slightest stuff got got tough, they'd get running. So I' avoid I dated avoidant attachment. If you go to the you know the attachment styles, avoidant attachments, I was anxious attachment.

[00:05:45]It's the worst one in the world. It's the push pull push pull push pull and you get lovebombing. And I just looked and said, "Hey, this is crazy. The only constant they five women in a row I dated who were avoidance." And I said, "The only thing I'm doing is I'm creating this exact environment." So, I like it to to if you're if to use the fisherman analogy. You throw a freaking you're you're you catch a rod and you troll, you're going to get little fish.

[00:06:13]>> But if you take and you and you're patient, you'll get big fish. And what I was doing was was hitting from the bottom of the barrel and going after women with daddy daughter issues and just looking for love in all the wrong places. And I got sick and tired of it.

[00:06:29]My heart was broken and I said, I don't want to be with these type of women anymore. And this is where we were talking before you hit record or you did hit record and you can probably mimic or uh merge them in. But we don't tend to we we we tend to look out the window and not in the mirror. And I looked in the mirror and said, "It's over. It's done.

[00:06:50]I'm done doing this. I'm done doing the same thing." And the one constant when I broke it down was drugs and alcohol, but it was more alcohol than anything else.

[00:06:58]And it was so common place growing up off. If you watched the movie that Eminem made famous, it's like that trailer parks. You get your camaraderie from your brothers, your boys, and and we're doing bad things. I wrote in my first book, Heart of the Life. They most of my friends from high school are dead or in jail. It's not a way. I don't know how I escaped it. I tease and I say I'm the chosen one because somebody was always looking out for me when the the going guy. We were in terrible bar fights. got scars to prove being stabbed and punched and run over and shot at.

[00:07:32]And I it kept missing me, Scott. So, I'm like, there's got to be a reason.

[00:07:36]There's a reason. And now I'm seeing it as the brand is blowing up, as we're coaching more and more people, and as we're making an impact. I said it a million times. And once you take taste significance, success will never taste the same. And everybody, me, I'm a poor kid who was abused, is making it in this world. Anybody can. And I can show people the blueprint, but you got to be willing to do the work. And there's no excuses. I coach some people that they have an a a excuse for every single freaking solution. They have a problem for every single solution. And those don't work well with me cuz I got a solution for everything. And I won't stop until I get what I came for.

[00:08:14]>> You're one of the most like uplifting, motivational, just like feelgood people that I know. all the time. And I think that that's that's something coming especially from where you came from, coming from like that much trauma and abuse and stress and to be the complete 180 of that.

[00:08:31]>> Well, you know why we resonate? It's the same thing. It's because I I emanate it from my heart. It's I'm coming from my heart and you're good people and and and that's why we we align and you fe attracts like and that's where I kept getting into trouble was I was a drunken [ __ ] Kept meeting drunken horse. A lot of people that we're coaching are guys who are successful and it's funny they're looking for love and I have women that are reaching out to us that are looking for love and they're looking for love in all the wrong places. I can help you do that. That's easy. The business stuff >> Yeah.

[00:09:02]>> is it comes to me second nature. It's like I was programmed in business. I started I told I started selling candy door to door. I sold um uh newspaper prescription or subscriptions door to door. I had a paper route. I had to lie and say I was older to get a paper out so I could make money so I could feed myself. There ain't nothing like freaking being a good in becoming good in sales so you can eat cuz you have to.

[00:09:27]>> Well, I was going to ask I mean before you quit alcohol and you sort of realized that financial success wasn't the only thing that was important. You overcame traumas that allowed you to be successful in business. So, what did you do to overcome traumas from early childhood that allowed you to be successful in business, but you didn't heal all of it? You didn't go all the way there cuz there was other parts of your life that were lacking. But I think a lot of people can still learn from that sort of first version of Kelly that just succeeded financially. That's an important stepping stone. You do have to find a way to make money and be successful. And if you do come from no role models and no mentorship and shitty circumstances, what allowed you to still make money in spite of all that?

[00:10:10]>> Well, all the podcasts I've been on and all the interviews I've been on, nobody's asked me that question >> really.

[00:10:15]>> And that's the first time and I just started smirking because I realized why.

[00:10:18]And it's the easiest answer. And this is why people struggle right now. I outworked everybody else. That's it. I didn't I I used to say I was a dumb hillbilly and I believed it. So there was part of me that believed that but I'd outwork you and you can't you would not I would not give up. But I made it pretty simple. I studied sales and I studied people. I studied the art of the deal and how things are made. And I just kept teaching myself. When they said this, I said this and this is the reaction. And I would break down every single deal and where it went wrong. And I got better and better and better. And then we talked about it off camera. I measured everything. So I measured how many calls I made to make to get the appointment, how many freaking appointments did I have to get in to get to get the sale, how many proposals I sent out to get the sale. And I just it became a game to me. And then I realized as I tweaked my message and the more I listened, God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason. I was able to to to create those ratios to be crazy. Our peak were 75% close ratio. And here's a >> that's a w for anybody listening. That's an insane close ratio.

[00:11:28]>> And we were selling tech.

[00:11:30]>> Yeah.

[00:11:31]>> So we were selling invisible tech which is hard. Selling invisible is hard. And and what I would do is now part of that and this is this is the one of the best business advice I can give anybody. It's saying the art of saying no. Getting to know is the best thing. looking knowing exactly who isn't for you. So, in our coaching program, I know people that that have not gotten a certain level of success are no good. They're no good for I I can't help them. And you just made put you helped me connect the dots there because you said the one thing that I was in control of was working hard. And when people that haven't gotten successful haven't worked hard, and that sounds harsh, but we could all work harder. I think about it now. I could still work harder. But when if you haven't reach re reached a level of success where you don't really have to worry about money, you've used $100,000.

[00:12:24]Yeah.

[00:12:24]>> Work harder.

[00:12:26]>> Yeah, >> that's the easiest thing. You They find time for Netflix and chill. They find time for scrolling. They find time to freaking drink with their buddies, but you can't find time to go do what makes you money or improve yourself. Make an investment on yourself because it's the best freaking investment you'll ever make and it'll it'll pay you back 10x.

[00:12:46]My favorite idea is the the 10-year rule. Just commit to it in your head for 10 years and you'll find a way to be successful. And I challenge anybody who anyone they look up to, I don't care if it's a Gary Vee or a Grant Cardone or an Ed Milelet or somebody who's like a thought leader or just somebody who has the nicest house on your street, go ask them how long they've been doing the thing they've been doing. I remember this idea came from in Toronto. That's I'm I'm Canadian. I don't know if you knew that. Maybe I told you. So, in Toronto, uh there was two guys that had like huge huge huge homes like like estates homes like and I and uh and I and I asked them, we had a networking event and I knew where they lived and one of the guys did paper. He he he manufactured paper and another guy manufactured glass for new homes and they've been doing it for like 30 years, right? And more money, more money than God. Like really more money than God.

[00:13:41]These houses were insane. And it was really just like just do boring businesses for long enough and you'll figure out how to make a [ __ ] ton of money at it.

[00:13:49]>> Even a podcast. You want to be successful here.

[00:13:51]>> I'll I'll I'll make it prove your point.

[00:13:54]>> So, I was never I never wanted to be a coach. I just wanted to be a podcast and get the message out there and they keep people keep reaching out to me and it just it just the God will guide you the way. And and I will tell you that that I'm sure Dan Martell said this when he was sitting here. I'm going to tell you this and I guarantee he said the same thing.

[00:14:15]>> There has never been a more opportunistic time than right now. The field the the playing field is leveled with AI and social media. Anybody can be anything they want now. It's just going to it's going to be the people that take action and the people that don't. And I remember I always make a joke. There's people that make things happen. There's people that wonder what happened. Which side are you going to be on and just take messy action day in and day out and measure it and get better and better and better and don't stop until you get what you came for or something greater. And believe me, the universe will provide.

[00:14:55]I'll use the love story. I now been in a loving, reciprocating uh uh safe relationship where we're both committed uh for over a year now. Funny how when you do the work, it works. The way you approach life is to be like harder than life. And I think that that's something that people will think, okay, that makes sense for business. Maybe that makes perfect sense for business. That makes perfect sense for health, fitness. Yeah, I get it. But they don't think okay so how do I be harder than life and commit more than expected in relationships in mental health in education in spiritual health like I think that hard like harder than life to me applies in everything if it if it's hard what do they say hard times make hard people make good times make easy people and make easy times and it's like oh [ __ ] so what happens so it's you just nailed a mantra you're reading me like a book and it's great so I'm trying to go to the next level. We're be we want to become the number one podcaster in self-improvement. We want to have a big M. We want to have a thousand people on our membership group because we're going to donate it all to charity. We're working on book number two. And and so the hard was just getting started and do the hard work day in and out. That's how I came up with harder than life. The name of the first book. Well, now my habits and rituals are so easy to me that I was struggling like am I still supposed to be this hard tough guy? So, the new book's going to be called Happier Than Life. Because when you do the hard work for a long period of time, technically we're we're coming up on six years. Yeah. Of the sobriety of all the changes of the of the really declaring war on myself. So, six years and I'm I'm struggling. I'm in the not struggle. I'm in that dynamic where I'm I've I've achieved success in in the space and I keep going up levels and I've got to undo. Remember you said create space.

[00:16:50]Yeah, >> I got to undo who I was. Everything that I came to up until very recently, I expected it to be hard.

[00:16:58]>> Well, the law the the law of attraction says whatever you put out there, karmic law, you're going to get back. So, I'm wondering why everything was so I was getting so much resistance. Why go wake up every morning, the harder it is. So now I create space and I wake up in the morning and I go life works out for me and it's all going to be smooth and everything's going to work out and I'm happy >> and what do you know happy things coming. So >> the harder than life is always going to be the brand and but hard of life is because they got to do the work. So I would say harder than life's doing the work and once you do the work you become happy.

[00:17:33]>> Yeah.

[00:17:33]>> And then book number three is going to be healthier than life where we're really going to talk about the mindset and the physicalness. What's the most important thought or idea that somebody has to understand so that they can be the one in their family?

[00:17:47]>> I'm going to turn it around on you. What do you think? I I know what it is, but I but I want to What do you think?

[00:17:52]>> I would say for me first it starts with the belief that I'm able to do it.

[00:17:57]That's the belief. And then once you have the belief, then it's almost selfish if you don't.

[00:18:03]Yeah. I'm just going to say the belief.

[00:18:04]It's it's always that limiting belief that this what we got to realize is there is no ceiling. I am a poor kid from 8 mile who starved.

[00:18:14]>> You're about as rock bottom as rock bottom can get when you were a kid.

[00:18:17]>> Oh man. I mean literally the stories you read my first freaking book and it talks about I had to empty a jar of urine of my stepfather's because he was a drunk and he was afraid of my mother. I watched my mother stab my stepfather and the whole police come. She lit the house on fire. I mean, dude, it was straight up gangster, crazy, wild stuff. And and to follow up, we start the second book, Happier in Life. We talk about that like Karm was real.

[00:18:43]>> My mother's alone. My stepfather is dying in a hospice with his leg amputated because he never took care of himself. These people lived a horrible existence. Horrible. I I I cut him off years ago, but then I had to go through therapy. All kind This is not overnight, man. And I did uh hypnotherapy, uh EMDR therapy, plant medicine, talk therapy until one day it f it finally clinkedked in that man, I I'm here for a reason and I'm going to make a big thing. So >> yeah, they didn't they're going to die alone and the exact way that they deserve. And my sister, bless her heart, I I dedicate my first book to her, is they she saved my life one day. My birthday, my mom was beating the hell out of me. It was it was going to kill me. She was so drunk. She had no clue how bad she was beating me. And my sister had already left the home and she stayed over to just come be with my birthday. This was the first year that she was gone. And she punches my mother in the face, grabs my lifeless body, yanks me out, slams the door in her face, locks it, and then gives me her social worker's number, and says, "You've got to get out of this house.

[00:19:48]She's going to kill you." And um yeah, I I the one day of school I missed that year was the next day of school because she'd gouged my eye out so bad I couldn't go to school. It was it that was a hard lesson to get. And I'm not saying this for anybody to feel bad.

[00:20:03]Your eyes are freaking like, "Oh my god." I say this because I want people to understand how hard it was. Now I It took me years to overcome that. Why would your mom punch you in the face?

[00:20:14]You know why? This is how I did an EMDR therapy to make me harder than life because life was going to be hard. Now when things happen, ain't nothing like getting punched in the face when you're 9 years old by your mother. Like smack in the face. broke my nose. So, when things get hard, you don't get the downloads, you don't get the likes, you don't get the deal that you were working on, the girl doesn't like you, the guy doesn't like you. It's not like getting punched in the face by your mother now, is it?

[00:20:41]>> It's all perspective, >> bro. People would trade you straight up for your problems right now. Straight up. There's somebody out there that has a struggle to eat, and I just got dropped off by a freaking driver.

[00:20:53]>> Yeah.

[00:20:54]>> You know, this world, this world is a great place, man. Especially if you're here in the United States. This is the land of the free. This is opportunistic.

[00:21:03]>> Us fighting right and left. It's crazy.

[00:21:07]You know, we are all one. When we realize that, we come together. There's nothing this country can't do.

[00:21:14]>> I agree. But the noise is so loud. All the all the angry noise from social media. But not just that. that the political noise, the social media noise is loud, but the noise from what our parents want us to be, what our friends want us to be, what our spouse wants us to be. You're really good at shutting out noise and focusing on and I'm sure that it's a bit from all the therapy and all the life lessons.

[00:21:38]>> Well, you think about that's how I survived.

[00:21:40]>> Yeah, I know. But then how does someone else >> This is like therapy you're giving me. I didn't even realize why some of the things are cuz that's how I survived.

[00:21:47]Shutting out the craziness.

[00:21:48]>> I see that.

[00:21:49]>> Wow. I mean, I I remember >> how does someone else do this? So, it's it's one thing to go through the life that you went through and go through, you know, years and probably tens of thousands of dollars of therapy at a minimum. I have no doubt that [ __ ] is not cheap.

[00:22:03]But you never want to you never want to wish what you went through on anyone else.

[00:22:09]So, how do they in their own way shut out the noise and sort of what's the best way to say it?

[00:22:18]understand how trivial their problems are when they never went through the [ __ ] that you went through.

[00:22:24]>> The easiest thing in the world is to just do forced hard things. Forced hard things. So, whatever you're afraid, whatever scares you to do it, do it.

[00:22:32]>> Yeah.

[00:22:33]>> You know, that's that's it. And you will build and then you don't negotiate with yourself. Like if you say so, I always that's why most of my my program I start off with people getting into the fitness. So, if you can hold the line with your fitness, if you can go to the gym five days a week, no excuses, it it's it's it's the it's the keeping your word you make to yourself. If you can keep your word make to yourself, you're going to keep it to everybody else. And then that translates into business. So, do the dang thing that scares you. Ask the girl out. Ask the guy out. Ask for a raise. Go do the thing that the soundtrack in your mind is saying if you do this and would you say that you got to believe it. So if you whatever your your your mind is telling you that you can't do, go do it.

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[00:25:56]Let's talk about drinking. Let's talk about sobriety. So you at 43, you wanted to become sober because you wanted to uh have better relationships, you know, look for fulfillment and meaning outside of just money and work. What else did you discover when you went fully sober?

[00:26:14]>> Well, first of all, I didn't plan on being living a sober life. I was taking a break from alcohol for 90 days, >> which is not a bad idea.

[00:26:22]>> I just said, you know what? I'm going to take a 90-day break. And then 90 days turned into six months. And then on the day 93, I gave myself permission to drink. And it was happened to be uh Fourth of July, which is a big party time for everywhere. And it's my favorite holiday because you go on the boat and you're partying and it's a good time. And I I I I pulled the boat out and I was with a group of friends and everybody was drinking. I had yet to drink. So I was still a little nervous. And I had the massive amounts of anxiety. And I looked around at everybody and all my friends and I said, "I don't belong here." And I put the boat back in and everyone I looked and I said, "Guys, I'm sorry. I can't go today." And they're like, "Why?

[00:27:03]What?" He was going to drive the boat cuz I'm a great captain. And I said, "I I just I had to get out of here." I freaking dove off the boat. I took off.

[00:27:10]I got a non-alcoholic beer and I got a cigar. And I just decided at that very moment, I'm not never going to drink again. So, I just took a break. That's why I tell people, just take a break.

[00:27:20]Many people haven't taken a 90-day break in their life since they were able to drink. So take 90 days off and examine.

[00:27:25]So you asked me the qu that was a long beginning to a to your question. The question is this is what else did I learn? And it was everything. I started feeling my feelings everything that I had that I was afraid of that I had been burying everything that that that I had been masking because when you drink and you take drugs yes you mask the bad but you also mask the good. So I started feeling my feelings for the first time since I was 15 years old. And at first it was scary. Really, really scary. And so for the first 13 or 14 months, so I did this on uh January 1st, 2019.

[00:28:03]>> Yeah.

[00:28:03]>> So there was this little event that you might have heard of that happened in 2020 that really it so that was 15 months into my not drinking and all of a sudden I was alone. So you heard me say this, stillness, silence, and and solitude. That's where all the answers are. And how many of us are ever alone be still completely still and in silence. We have our phones, we have computers, we have our friends.

[00:28:34]>> Yeah, >> those are your answers in those three S's. So I was forced and I believe that the pandemic happened 100% for me. Now I'm sorry that people lost lives. I'm sorry that people lost businesses. It was the best thing in the world that ever happened to me because it forced me to be alone. And then the universe said, "We're really going to test you and see if you want if you're going to quit drinking." My ex-wife and my ex-girlfriend got together, took and tried to take away my daughter, which is my why. We lost our biggest customer at NTM and we were shut down. So, it was like there wasn't just one issue, it was like 15.

[00:29:09]>> Why did they try and take away your daughter?

[00:29:11]>> Hurt people hurt people, man. when I when they knew that I was done and it was a it was a very calculated thing. I don't know if I've ever said this out out loud, but I believe that that they took a 50-50 risk that they said, you know, weird things even though that hurts my daughter when I'm hurt, but that's what my ex-wife is.

[00:29:31]Now, we've since fixed everything and we are great. We actually do co-parent very well. She's watching my dog right now.

[00:29:38]But at the time, she hadn't done any healing and she wanted she was hurting.

[00:29:41]So, she wanted me to hurt. And she knew the only way to make me hurt was to get my daughter because to me, >> part of what get the the reason why she's my why is because I didn't want anything that that I've ever gone through to have to go through. So, she I've overcorrected too, Scott. She's a cush life.

[00:29:59]>> So, she she gets her first job here. I started laughing. I like you realize that she orders filt. Did you realize you're going to have to work a full week just to order the fillet now? And she's like, "What?" I'm like, "It's expensive.

[00:30:09]Your lifestyle is expensive." So, um, the why did they see >> No, it was why. Well, first of all, I was just curious why.

[00:30:17]>> Oh, why they did that? It's So, at the end of the day, I believe it was God testing me. It was how many things can they throw at me? And at one point, and this is where your surrender where you talked about surrender and creating space. I could have freaking I have a full bar in my houses. all of them. And I could have walked over and grabbed a scotch and pounded my scotch. But had I known that I carry guns, I would have gone over there, guns blazing, and got arrested and lost my daughter. And I literally took a stop. This happened at 4:00 March 20th, 2020. That's when the whole country shut down.

[00:30:54]>> Yeah.

[00:30:55]>> And I get served that I lost my daughter. And I had no clue when I was getting her back. So, I was alone.

[00:31:04]I was still, forced to be still, and there was nobody to talk to. So, what did I do? I shut my phone off. I grabbed a cigar and I went for a long drive and I hatched my plan. And I looked up at God and I looked over at my scotch and I said, "You made me, you know, this is not going to break me." And I was scared. And when I get scared, I get going. So when I say if you knock me down, you had better not be standing there when I get back up because I'm getting back up and I'm going to get back up tougher and stronger and I will not stop coming forward. And that's what I did. I declared war on myself even harder. That's what made me launch I started writing my book. I launched podcast. I um I hired a new lawyer and I went after everybody. And then I ripped NTM apart and redid I mean I did everything everything during the pandemic. And boy, when that thing ended, we were while people were day drinking and and getting fat and we I immediately I immediately ordered a home gym because I knew it wasn't going to be two weeks and I came out of that thing bigger, better, stronger mentally, physically. So everything happens for you. You got to look and say instead of saying why me?

[00:32:21]>> Yeah. What is this teaching me? And I had been prepared from that those beatings that my parents gave me, the drowning that my stepfather gave me. I had prepared. I I wasn't fighting for my life. I was fighting for water. I mean, I was fighting for money and just and my daughter >> and your do I Yeah.

[00:32:39]>> And then when I got her back, it took it took a couple days. I got her back to spend a lot of money. She it brought us closer because she said, "Dad, I knew you'd never stop fighting for me." And and it was like I I couldn't, you know, I all I ever wanted was somebody to fight for me. In fact, part of my healing is uh I just wanted my I wanted my stepfather and my mother to just say, "You're a good boy, Kelly. That's all I wanted. You're a good boy." Because I was a good boy. I got straight A's, bro.

[00:33:09]I wasn't a bad kid, but they beat the hell out of me like I was a bad kid.

[00:33:14]Explain that one to me.

[00:33:16]>> I mean, it's not You can't rationalize that. But you try to, especially as a kid. I mean, that's probably the way.

[00:33:24]>> H What do you think? You think that you're not worthy? You're not You're not deserving of love. So, what did I do?

[00:33:29]Went out and picked women who would hurt me.

[00:33:31]>> Yeah, >> guys. This is the blueprint, man. This is the Scott's giving you the blueprint.

[00:33:36]I'm giving you the blueprint. the mess the messy your messy story is is how you get to the next level and there's no avoiding it. There's no magic pill. You just have the thing that scares the heck out of you and probably whatever you the baggage or or that you're holding back that you're masking. And I always tell everybody this, get a freaking journal, just a spiral notebook and write every day and and look for the freaking commonality of when it turns negative.

[00:34:05]And there's going to be an underlying thing. There's a most important number behind that. Mine was alcohol.

[00:34:10]And I would have never exact guessed that cuz alcohol made me fun. Alcohol made me social. Turns out I'm way more social, way more fun. We were at that event, you know, a year and a half ago.

[00:34:20]And I was running around talking to everybody.

[00:34:22]>> I found the same thing. I mean, like I'm not like I I still once in a while drink. I don't drink as much anymore. I think uh it's been it's probably been about month and a half two months since I've drank, but it's because I don't find that it benefits me at all.

[00:34:38]>> It it doesn't.

[00:34:39]>> When I go to a social event, trust me, I have no problem being like out like loud and outgoing and like sober. Like it doesn't change anything. When I'm drunk, I'm the same. I just hate the next day.

[00:34:50]>> But you know, there's I say this, there is nothing that alcohol makes better.

[00:34:56]There's nothing. It doesn't loosen you up. I I could sit here, we could do a freaking five minute meditation together, get closer. Yeah. And relax more zen than we would if we had a freaking scotch.

[00:35:07]>> Yeah.

[00:35:08]>> And by and and it would happen faster than if we had a scotch. So, I'm not an anti-alcohol guy. I still think that, you know, you want to celebrate. There's there are non-alcoholic versions of it.

[00:35:18]I'd prefer people do cannabis. I prefer they just do nothing and lean into their feelings. I mean, you're seeing this huge right now. The problem is it's it's a $20 billion tax on alcohol and drugs or uh cannabis now.

[00:35:32]>> 20 billion dollar the United States brings in. It ain't going away.

[00:35:37]>> So uh you but you're seeing sober bars.

[00:35:41]It's it's becoming really chick and really cool. They're not drinking.

[00:35:44]>> What did you discover? What was the most surprising thing that you discovered about yourself under the party persona after you quit drinking? The man I became when I was drinking was really the person I really was sober.

[00:35:59]So the person I was playing and who I wanted to be, that's who I was. It was the person I created to to survive that childhood and everybody so I could drink and I was the life of the party and everybody loved party Kelly. Well, you walked I walked in you said, "Bro, I love your energy." Everybody loves this guy.

[00:36:22]>> You were sober when I met you.

[00:36:23]>> Yep. And and and everybody everybody loves me more now and I don't have to apologize. So you can create any freaking world you want. You just have to do the work and you got to do it consistently. And I love when I walk into a room and everybody looks. And it ain't because I'm the big guy. It's because my energy just walked in. And we're going to freaking light this room up. We're going to have fun and we're going to enjoy life. And if you're not, if you're going to freaking take a shot at me, you're probably not enjoying life, man.

[00:36:52]>> That's the thing, right? Nobody's nobody's taking shots at you is living better than you.

[00:36:55]>> Misery loves company, dude. But but really, misery hates being alone. That's when you're you ruminate on your feelings. Oh, been there, bro.

[00:37:05]>> You know, nights during the pandemic, I said, "Why is this happening?" And I was alone. You know what I did is I I couldn't journal enough. I couldn't meditate enough. I couldn't work out enough. and I I I just I couldn't read or podcast enough. So, I would go into my my um it was still cold in Michigan, so I'd go into my garage and I would turn on my music and my and my motorcycle because it was loud and I would just do a dance party by myself and I would envision things like this, you know, how life's going to be once I finish learning whatever lesson God wanted me to learn. And that's that's part of the journey, the process. We talked about marriage, the past, divorce, the outcome.

[00:37:45]>> There is no shortcut to this, guys.

[00:37:48]>> You just you're not you have to do the work and you have to unbecome the mass, the crutch, the the things that you you did the persona that you did to survive.

[00:37:59]And then if you live the some people have come to me, oh, they lived the great life. Well, then what's holding you back? If you live a great life, then you should be doing great things. If you didn't, if you're not, then there's something that you haven't uncovered yet. The coolest thing in the world, you you asked this and I didn't answer it till just now. The coolest thing that I realized is >> intimacy, love, and sex are three different things. And you can be intimate with somebody without having sex. Like I'm we're in our conversation very intimate. Like I feel connected to you right now. You're my brother, man.

[00:38:32]I'm going to freaking message you.

[00:38:33]You're going to get messages from me.

[00:38:35]We're going to do some things together.

[00:38:36]People are going to realize that you can't form that bond when you're drinking. You do when you're drunk and you forget it the next day.

[00:38:44]>> Like what do we talk about?

[00:38:45]>> Yeah.

[00:38:46]>> Let's let's do great things. Also, sometimes, you know, like if you want to if you want to do good work and you want to build good relationships, I think this is where I think like what you said like just the alcohol just numbs everything.

[00:39:00]>> It numbs everything. Like even like the guy that you're talking about, like he drinks. I think he drinks. Yeah. And I think that that that when you when you have a lifetime of drinking and and trying to sort of fill this gap in your soul with work or money or whatever it is, it leads to bad decisions.

[00:39:17]>> When I was in my heart, I had a hole in my >> But when you're when you're And not to say that everybody who drinks makes bad decisions, but I think that clarity of thought it it it can only happen when you're completely sober. And I don't I I can't make business decisions anymore if I drink. If I want to make a good business decision, I just want to be sober. I go to the gym. That's where I create space for myself to think through and analyze. And I think it just leads to better outcomes.

[00:39:45]>> I literally just sit and talk to God.

[00:39:48]>> And I'm not a religious. I wouldn't call myself religious, but I will sit back and just say, "I'm stuck. I'll meditate and I'll just create space." And then all of a sudden something appears and I'm like, you're listening. It sounds woo wooy, but it's so true. I was just on a plane.

[00:40:07]I left a a mass or I missed a group of of people that I went to speak at and I ended up getting some crazy delays and I ended up at a flight and I ended up between two bigger people and the pilot gets on like this is going to be a bumpy flight and I'm freaking getting thrown all over and I'm sitting there going this sucks. Why did I go do this? And I just went and I started meditating and I said, "God, smooth this plane out so I can relax and have a little bit of time to have a conversation with you." Scott, I'm not kidding you. 30 seconds later, the plane freaking and then and the pilot said it was going to be like that for a while. Smoothed out and I actually could sit there with my thoughts and I sat there and talked to God for another hour. And when I landed, some things were clear. So it is in that stillness and the solitude and silence that it works. So, if you haven't read the book uh Conversations with God, it's pretty wild.

[00:41:01]>> I have.

[00:41:02]>> Or Outwitting the Devil, those two I watch them back toback, but Conversations with God, uh Neil Donald Walsh, you can listen to it, too. It's on uh it's on audible >> Audible.

[00:41:13]>> It's wild, wild. And I just it was the only thing I hadn't tried. And now I have these conversations and and they and he's look out the universe is transpiring to make me happy. And and I'm happy even when I'm when things aren't I I posted yesterday I was anxious because I hadn't booked my flight back. I was supposed to go do three or four more podcasts and I'm like you know what I'm just going to do Scots. I'm going to catch a flight and go back to my daughter. And as soon as I did that I was it was called that.

[00:41:40]That's what makes people scared is we want to know. We want to be able to predict the future. The unknown scares people.

[00:41:47]>> Of course it does.

[00:41:48]>> And you have to get comfortable in that unknown. And just knowing >> and this is what this is what substance abuse, workcoholism, it's it's all escaping the unknown.

[00:42:00]>> And it's escaping that that scary feeling.

[00:42:02]>> Yeah. Exactly.

[00:42:04]>> And that that we just that's it. And when you are comfortable walking, taking a step into that unknown and knowing you're going to be okay, you've built the confidence and the resilience to do anything in this world. And it applies to working out. It applies to relationships. It applies to business.

[00:42:21]Anything. But Kelly, I don't know what you mean. Reach out to me. I got a new book coming out, Happier Than Life.

[00:42:27]Follow me on Instagram, and I'll send it to you. I'm giving it away for free.

[00:42:31]It'll be out within a month or so. I'm giving it away for free. Gives you the antidote. It's literally the daily habits that I follow every day. Take it, take the things that resonate with you and then add your own.

[00:42:42]>> My whole daily routine I have stolen pieces from everybody else. I always tease everyone's like in in the IT company, right? You're you're old enough to know BASF. Their tagline was we don't make the things that you make every day.

[00:42:54]We make the things that you use every day better.

[00:42:57]>> Yeah.

[00:42:57]>> And that's what we do. We did an IT NTM.

[00:43:00]It's what I'm doing at Harder than Life.

[00:43:02]And I just take a little bit from everybody. Indeed is a success story partner. Now, if you're hiring, Indeed is all you need. Let me give you an example. If I needed to hire a new editor for this show, I'd go to Indeed and be super specific. Not just can you edit audio. I'd say I need someone who's edited a conversational podcast for at least 3 years, gets our style, and knows our software. Someone who's done this before. And here's the thing with Indeed sponsor jobs. I'd get people who fit that description. I'm not digging through resumes from people who've edited one YouTube video. I'm getting actual podcast editors who know what they're doing. People who've worked on shows like ours and can prove it. That's what makes the difference. You get people who actually are what you're looking for. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed are 90% more likely to report a higher than non-sponsored jobs. And people are finding quality hires right now. In the minute that I've been speaking to you, companies like yours have made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend more time interviewing candidates who check all the boxes. Less stress, less time, and more results now with Indeed sponsor jobs. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help you get your job the premium status it deserves at indeed.com/clary.

[00:44:08]Just go to indeed.com/clary right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast.

[00:44:14]Indeed.com/clary terms and conditions apply. Hiring do it the right way with Indeed. HubSpot is a success story partner. Now, if you're looking for a new podcast, one of my favorite shows right now is Demand Decoded. If you're in the B2B marketing space, you need to be listening to this.

[00:44:28]It's hosted by the team at Blend. They are a demand genen agency. They know what they're doing. They're also part of the HubSpot podcast network. What I love about it is they skip all the theory and they just tell you what's actually working today. So, demand genen, marketing, content, LinkedIn ads, attribution, they talk about real strategies that they are using that you can use today that are working. So, if you're an entrepreneur, if you're building a business, if you're really selling anything to anyone, go search demand decoded wherever you get your podcast. This is one idea that I love.

[00:44:55]So, if you don't if you don't believe in the traditional version of a god, then you will find something else to replace that god. And it can be substances, it can be women, it can be work, it can be something else. But you find something else to idolize in your life. And I think that more people should, it doesn't have to be a traditional version of God, but it's silence. It's spirituality. It's it's being alone with your thoughts. That kind of like what you were just describing. We always try and we always try and escape our own thoughts. And I think that what God does and any version of God, I think it forces us to be alone with our own thoughts. And I think that's probably the scariest place. So when you silence your own thoughts and you numb your own thoughts with alcohol or drugs or work or gambling or any vice, you're just escaping yourself. You're just trying to escape yourself because you don't want to deal with the [ __ ] that's going on inside. And I you can't blame people for that because some people have a whole bunch of trauma that has not been dealt with. And when they are alone with their own thoughts, it's [ __ ] horrifying.

[00:45:57]It's absolutely horrifying to be so they find a way to escape their own thoughts.

[00:46:02]So for somebody for again, let's use a a version of another version of you, somebody who's had a a really tough upbringing, who is now 40 to 50 years old, has escaped their own thoughts with alcohol and drugs and work and all these other things that we use to not really focus on ourselves.

[00:46:25]Is it smart for them to just go cold turkey on their vice or is that is that more damaging than helpful?

[00:46:35]>> Well, I'm not a doctor, but I would tell you this.

[00:46:37]>> Does that make sense?

[00:46:38]>> Yes. Part of the heart of the life mantra is to just literally hit it right in the face. So, to me, I wanted a better life more than I wanted to breathe. And so, if something's holding you back, and we know it, too.

[00:46:52]>> Of course, we all know it. That's why we're doing this [ __ ] That's why we're That's why we're working 100 hours a week when we really don't have to be working that much.

[00:46:58]>> So, let me give you an anecdote.

[00:46:59]>> Yeah.

[00:46:59]>> It's to take action towards the the thing that you're really looking for, which is identity, >> being seen, being heard, and just really mattering in this world. Isn't that all we want?

[00:47:10]>> Yeah.

[00:47:10]>> We just want to know that our our time on this earth mattered. I could tell you if you're drinking and doing drugs, your time on this earth isn't mattering.

[00:47:20]So, let's get you out of that and let's focus on what makes you and everybody's here for a reason or else the drugs and alcohol would take you or the car would run you or if God didn't have a plan for you, you'd be done. So, I would say let's look and see what is it that you really want. What is the big hairy audacious goal? The thing that >> they have they have some deep rooted [ __ ] >> Yeah. Listen, I always joke around and act like I I make this stuff look easy and I I I want us to take a step back.

[00:47:48]There are moments, they're just moments that I I ruminate in my [ __ ] And if I said the things out loud to you, you wouldn't like me that I say to myself.

[00:47:59]>> Like, I am the hardest I am on myself.

[00:48:02]I'm working on that. That's behind the scenes. Like, man, that you have to give yourself grace. And And here's a new one. Thoughts are magical lies. 98% of the things you're worried about ain't never going to happen.

[00:48:17]not going to happen. Look back. You're batting a thousand right now. Every single puzzle, problem, issue you have pieced together and you're here today.

[00:48:27]Remember that when you get scared, you're so why not take that leap and you're going to fail and you're going to free and and to me failure isn't it's feedback and it's not finality. It's only failure if you make it finality.

[00:48:40]You're gonna freak because it's it's God pushing you back going, "No, no, no.

[00:48:43]This isn't the way I want it for you."

[00:48:44]Or you still have more to learn. But keep freaking going. If I would have given up way back when, I' I'd probably still I'd probably be dead because as hard as I was partying, but I just I always knew that there's something bigger for me. And that was what made me just put down the alcohol. And remember, it's not about the alcohol. It's about chasing your dream, about living a meaningful life. It's never about the alcohol. It's about what's in your heart and soul that needs to be come out in the universe. The world deserves it. And everybody's got it in them. I don't care if you're a freaking janitor. How about what was it that we've heard all the story? I'm sure Dan talked about when he was here, too. Is janitor working at NASA isn't saying I'm a janitor. I'm putting somebody on the moon.

[00:49:33]Hey, whatever it takes. It may sound hokey, but if you get results, who cares? Who cares? Whatever you got to do to do it, do it. That's why I even say to some people, if you need cannabis to get you off alcohol, by all means, do it. You see, now the studies with the with the with the uh the veterans coming back with PTSD, they're going down the psilocybin method. The do it because I couldn't imagine having to deal with that kind of stuff. And I've been there.

[00:50:03]I got to tell you, it was pretty stressful. That March 20th, 2020, that that took everything I had in me to to not go off the rails cuz it felt like I was just doing well.

[00:50:16]>> Yeah, I know.

[00:50:16]>> I I was ju it's funny how that works.

[00:50:19]So, I say, you know, life is a roller coaster and you go up and down and you enjoy that up and then you even enjoy that down because you know what's going to happen next? It's going to go right back up. That's life. Because if you think about your heart, heart monitor, if it flat lines, we're dead. So enjoy those rides, man. You learned something, everything. I recently read this book, The Second Mountain, and it was it just basically talk about the first mountain that we achieved. I achieved it. The house, the cars, the fame, the fortune, the the the the I thought I was valid. I I thought I was it was somebody. And then I ripped it all down. And I realized none of that mattered. And now I'm climbing up the second ladder or the second mountain. And when I get to that second mountain, I probably never will just because I'm always moving the goalpost. And that's what beauty part.

[00:51:06]I've learned to love that climb, it's fantastic. It is addicting. It because I get to meet more people like you. I get I get invited to events that I I would have never been invited to. And then it's also the negative just stays away from it's like a repellent.

[00:51:23]>> Well, it's it's so the negative doesn't stay away. negative happens, but it doesn't affect you the same way.

[00:51:30]>> Oh, that's good. You're right. It happens and it bounces off of you or it it becomes fuel.

[00:51:36]>> What do they say the uh fuel frustration fuel is it frustration or is it fuel?

[00:51:43]>> I like there's moments where I look at at at trends and because I'm a numbers guy. I look at trends and I look at my IT team. I'm like, do you guys see this trend?

[00:51:51]>> Yeah.

[00:51:51]>> And then I get I used to get frust I get frustrated but then I get angry. Now I just go, okay, this is what I'm supposed to be here for. I'm the one seeing it.

[00:52:01]And so I use every time I get frustrated instead of getting frustrated, I literally say to myself, use it as steel, Kelly.

[00:52:09]And when little, in fact, when I'd get frustrated like that, I would I would that's when I would drink because it's like, okay, I'm not supposed to do this.

[00:52:18]This isn't what I'm cut out for. Yes, >> it was that limiting belief coming in.

[00:52:21]This isn't this is too hard. I'm >> same stimulus, same same thing happening, totally different outcome.

[00:52:26]>> Right. Exactly. And now I go, "Oh, this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing." And all I did is waste 30 years.

[00:52:34]>> Yeah. But it doesn't matter.

[00:52:36]>> No, it doesn't.

[00:52:36]>> Doesn't matter cuz you know what? You say you waste 30 years, but some people some people this is their whole life.

[00:52:43]>> Yeah. I I you know, my dad died at my my real my biological dad. Uh he did he didn't abuse me. He was but he was a drug abuser and a drunk and and he died at 46. So he died young. He was never he could never be my father. He never but he never lived a day in his life and he drank and drugged himself to death. I'm 49 and I look back at that and it makes me sad.

[00:53:09]>> I wish I could have a conversation with my dad. Smart. He the funny thing about life came easy to he was the He had the highest IQ in the family. He was the smartest. He could think things quicker and he just to to slow life down he started drugs early and became addicted right away.

[00:53:26]>> Yeah.

[00:53:26]>> And 30 years later the body gave out.

[00:53:29]And that's what happens guys. If you don't look at this and you are out of alignment with with with some sort of substance. It could be prescription. Do remember it could still be a lot of a lot of people come to me for porn.

[00:53:40]They're addicted to porn. Feel your feelings. Feeling is healing. And then once you do that, then you unlock whatever you were supposed to do in this world. This is what I'm meant to do is help people.

[00:53:53]>> What's so tough though is that you have, you know, all these all these companies, you know, whether or not it's it's alcohol companies, food companies, uh uh porn, whatever, they know how to tap into our biology to exploit us. That's the thing. And it's and it's like everything is an uphill battle.

[00:54:15]>> N yo, you look at the the most interesting man, you know, it's they make drinking like, oh, I'm going to get the most beautiful woman. I'm going to have the most beautiful body. I'm going to have the best time. I got a news flash for you. I was at Fort Fort Myers Beach yesterday and uh drinking ain't it ain't it, people. I saw some of the most terrible bodies I've ever seen. And I'm not trying to be judgy, but let's let's look around. And then, you know, again, one finger pointing away, three pointing right back at you. So, I always look at myself. I'm like, okay, I, you know, I'm in the middle of doing 500 workouts. I don't know how my idiosity came up with that. I work out every day, so I figured 365 days, no problem. What's 135 days?

[00:54:56]Oh my god, Scott, the pressure is a lot.

[00:54:59]You know, I I I made it this morning. I made sure I know. I saw you. I was there at 5:00 a.m., which the gym doesn't open till 5:00 a.m. My gym in in Michigan opens at 4. So, I had to stress run and get it. And when I land, I'm going to work out in my gym at home because I want to frontload the 135 two a days I need to do because I I I have that's all one bad thing. I have to I told you I have to achieve my goal there. It is just I'm maniacal about it. Okay. I want to ask about your parenting approach, breaking cycles, and how your own childhood shapes your parenting with your daughter. You mentioned your daughter is your why, so I'm sure you have very specific way that you like to parent. Um, what has your upbringing sort of taught you about parenting?

[00:55:46]>> Well, I keep things simple because for years I used to didn't think I was smart, but turns out I'm really smart.

[00:55:52]Um, I I what I my stepdad beat that into me. He's like, "You're never going to want anything. You're stupid. You're an idiot. Smack."

[00:56:00]>> And it took years to undo that. So, I keep things simple. I literally did the opposite of the way I was raised. I lead with love. I lead with tenderness. I make her a priority. Like, right now, it's so it'd be so easy for me to just say, I don't, you know, this is my parenting day Monday through Thursday. I could just say, "Hey, I got to be with Scott for the day. Um, you know, stay with your mom." But I don't. And I've never done it. I think this been like 11 days in 14 years that I have even moved a day for her. She is my priority. I want her to know she is a woman. She's a female, 16 years old. And I want her to know she matters. She's my priority.

[00:56:43]She's my choice. I always choose her because what happens the women that I used to pray on they're they were invisible to their fathers. So my daughter 16 years old still doesn't have a boyfriend. She's beautiful by the way.

[00:56:57]Blonde body unbelievable smart. She So you hear adlet and Dan Martell say everything's caught not taught. No, they're caught and taught. I've taught her over and over and over to love herself >> and and she's caught my hard work and determination. So, she doesn't drink.

[00:57:14]She doesn't do drugs. She I know it sounds crazy, but these kids are doing it now at 16.

[00:57:18]>> At 16, >> they're having sex. They do it at 14.

[00:57:21]She tells me everything. She sends me videos of the parties.

[00:57:24]>> It's wild, Scott. I know you guys are going to have kids soon.

[00:57:27]>> Yeah.

[00:57:28]>> And it just starts from right out of the room. And I I I told her when we got when I divorced her mother, I said, "It's you and me against the world, kiddo." and I just lead with lots and lots of love. Now, it doesn't hurt that I'm 220 pounds of freaking solid muscle and I scare the boys away. But I have talked I have conversations with her. I I told you one night I'm flying back and I'm going to have dinner. I have sit down dinner. We have breakfast together every morning and dinner. That time is valuable. I it's her time and I let her talk and and even though at 16 the conversation is about now that oh this was so funny and somebody did this and and and then I say what did that make you feel? What did you say? What? And I don't lecture. So it's it is a work in progress. She does not have that maniacal drive that I do and it scares the crap out of me because she thinks dad's always going to be there to pick up the pieces.

[00:58:22]>> So I so so I had to put the like I do in business. I put the stop where I said, "Okay, here's she she turned 16. She didn't get a car. I obviously can afford a car." She We had We made a deal. She had to get this amount of grades. She didn't get it. She didn't get a car.

[00:58:36]Most parents would have got her a car because they would have said, "Oh, well, it's easier for me."

[00:58:41]>> Yeah.

[00:58:42]>> But this is the way the the world works.

[00:58:45]It everything is earned. Privileges are earned. She did not earn it. She did not get it. What do you what do you bring up about sort of your past and your journey and how does it do you have candid conversations?

[00:58:57]>> She knows everything about it. She read the book so she knows every single they've heard it so she's heard it so many times they've kind of you know numbed it out because it's insane. Scott I can't even My sister's nine years older than me and when I was writing the book I had to call and ask her. I was like this is what I remember.

[00:59:16]She's like that's all you remember?

[00:59:19]She's like it was a thousand times worse. So there was part of me that blocked it out for for to to protect myself. She's nine years older. So she was 16, 17, and I was only nine or eight. And and um so she told me some things that I had forgotten. So um at the end of the day, you know, I I just this this is this is success to me. This is is making sure when she turns out okay and and and full disclosure, one of my number one concerns is that she doesn't live her fullest potential. And that was the thoughts and magical lies.

[00:59:54]She's going to figure it out.

[00:59:56]>> She's not going to figure it out at 16.

[00:59:58]>> But she'll figure it out.

[00:59:59]>> But she going to figure it out because she's got a dad. We've got multiple companies. She going to figure it out.

[01:00:05]She isn't going to be this this she I allow this and I beat myself up over that. So I I So I go kick get up. You got to get up. You know it's I'm not perfect in any regard. Not in any of this stuff. But I am going to keep showing up and showing out. So um yeah.

[01:00:22]Uh but I am proud that she we have a deal where she drops a pin and and and if she's ever in a situation, we have done some role plays where I said, you know, you're going to be in a situation someone's going to hand you uh weed, someone's going to have you a beer. And she, dad, that came in handy. You know, I we we worked out one that she didn't want to be the dork. Somebody handed her weed and she said, "I got to go to the bathroom." Because we had talked about it.

[01:00:46]>> Yeah.

[01:00:46]>> And she then and she went into the bathroom, dropped a pin. I came and got her and just took her to her mom's house. We And I said, "I don't no questions asked. I'm not going to make a scene. This is the deal we have." So, she's she's having a battle with she doesn't fit in because she doesn't do all these things. She's not boy crazy.

[01:01:04]There she is. I And I feel for her, but at least I'm there, man. I'm there. I didn't have those conversations when I was a child. It sucked. I was alone. I never cried. I cry more now for gratitude than I ever cried when I was a kid. Because if I did cry and my and my mother, my stepfather there, they'd say, "I'll give you something to cry about."

[01:01:25]But most of the time, they weren't there. They were out drinking. So, there was nobody to cry to. I was alone.

[01:01:30]>> Yeah. I I think that listen, you can't control everything, but just being the the role model and having these super candid conversations with your kid. I mean, I don't have kids, but that's the way that I want to parent.

[01:01:42]>> Just show up.

[01:01:42]>> Just show up.

[01:01:43]>> Just show up. That's half the battle, man. You know, she knows that I'm flying.

[01:01:47]>> And everyone will make mistakes, and you can't you can't hate the kid if they do make mistakes. But already the the level of cander that you have between you and her, I it's beautiful.

[01:01:58]>> She's a blast.

[01:01:59]>> Yeah. you know, and and frankly, you know, I may her mother was like my mother and and and that's the hardest part is still supporting her mother when she doesn't make great choices, you know, and it's and and so my daughter will say to me, "Hey, Dad, I I got I can't leave mom because, you know, she always wants to come on vacation. I can't leave mom because I feel like I got to take care of her." And it breaks my heart. And I say, "It's not your job to take care of her." But I will tell you, mom loves you and she's doing the best she can. And I got to stick up for her. Even though some of the decisions she makes, I'm like, "No."

[01:02:36]But I've learned to separate that. Even, you know, given the opportunity to support me and my sobriety journey, she chose >> to fight me.

[01:02:45]>> Yeah.

[01:02:45]>> Good luck with that. I'm undefeated, baby. How did how did your sobriety journey obviously it's impacted you your relationship with your daughter in such a positive way. How did it impact your business?

[01:02:57]>> Well, at first it it hindered it in that my drinking buddies quit doing business with me. So, we we took a little bit of a hit. I know that sounds weird, but it did. Man, people liked going out to Kelly and just knowing that we had it covered. We're one of the very for sure sure things in life, man. We put our software on your service. You're not going to get popped with any kind of ransomware. you follow what we do which is the number one thing is I love myself so much I know that I have a standard and we have that we've we've instilled that standard at NTM and I get to we run EOS so I picked all the core values and that's how people get to do business with they have to attain to those core values it's really a standard that everything in my life I adhere to we never dip below it anytime we do I'm reminded so if we let somebody deviate and that comes with the confidence the quiet confidence that you have that you know I'm not going to drink today that everything's going to be okay and I'm going to succeed and I'm going to win.

[01:03:51]And it's funny how you you'll push away deals that are going to be problem deals. It's good. So, it's hap it's it's it's the the the choosing yourself and continuously choosing yourself. That's why I laugh and I call myself the chosen one. That's that's the other secret.

[01:04:05]Choose yourself. It's also known as self-love.

[01:04:09]Having a drink, having some weed, taking a freaking gummy, having sex with randoms. Um, scrolling is not choosing yourself. Getting up at freaking 4:00 a.m. doing gratitude, doing meditation, going to the gym, going and showing up and showing out, and listening to your staff, being there for my daughter.

[01:04:31]Those are all things that pick me. As men though, we have a hard time choosing ourselves. You know, we got to look out for our wives, our businesses, our kids, everybody else but us. And that's what I'm helping the the the people in my group choose themselves. Self-care is not selfish. They tell you on an airplane, "Put your mask on before you help anybody else because you're no good to anybody else dead." So, you can be all this people pleaser and help everybody. Who's pleasing you? Who's pleasing that inner child? Who's making you feel hurt? Who's help making you feel seen? And that's where we unlock in the heart of the life nation. That's what you get from my coaching is we identify what you need to feel seen and heard and loved and then we freaking breathe into it as a team and as 101.

[01:05:18]And I it's amazing. I I am going to have a guy on the podcast. I want to steal his name this Friday that he is a badass green beret. And I asked him that question. He burst out in tears that we hugged and that was the intimacy. And we're going to break it down on the podcast. That's the kind of stuff that when you see a grown man who's a 275 lb, 6'3 killer break down because he's providing for everybody else and nobody's providing for him. That's tough. That's a That's what I love about now society, Scott, is it's okay for me to go, Scott.

[01:05:54]>> Yeah.

[01:05:54]>> It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to cry and it's okay. I got you. You know, we were taught I was taught that you had to be tough and you didn't show your feelings. That's that's all BS, man. You know, let's have a drink and let's freak your feelings. No, no, no. Let's have a real vulnerable and and authentic and really transparent conversation. And and I say to you, I'm scared to death of what's what this next generation of my daughter has to deal with. I'm scared to death of this. But there's a duality there because I agree because you so to go to the other end of the spectrum where you don't provide and you don't work hard and you don't do things that are worth doing is also not the answer.

[01:06:36]>> You guarantee it'll happen. If you don't do in action, you almost guarantee.

[01:06:41]>> But this is what guys are doing. Guys, guys are on two ends. They're either too hard and don't show their feelings and are providers or they're not providers and they don't do anything. And that's what you dance in the heart, the harder than life, happier than life thing.

[01:06:54]>> I harder than life when I first started this six years ago probably was on that level. And now it's ooh, as I freaking broke that down, that tough guy.

[01:07:04]>> Yeah.

[01:07:05]>> I became happy. So guys, watch my journey. And when you see this perpetual smile, it was because I I can connect with men like you and smile and be vulnerable and say, you know, I'm scared in these moments or or that that this is something that I'm struggling with and I need your help.

[01:07:27]>> Biggest thing in the thing, the hardest thing for me to wor is ask for help. And what did I do? First walked in, I started asking you, hey, can you help me? Of >> course. And it and you know what? I know right away you're my people cuz you're like heck yeah bro cuz you know right on the other side of that is you're going to be like hey can you introduce yourself and this is what life is living. Yeah I think that that and that's the important thing like many ideas can be true at the same time. So you can be a provider and you can be you can be in touch with yourself and and take care of yourself and you can you know you can tie into your emotions and you can be taking care of your wife and also be vulnerable at the like all these things are true at the same time. I think that what we end up doing is you just sort of we become this sort of this simple version of what we think we have to be and then we can't be anything else.

[01:08:19]>> My girlfriend's the best. She's never She's never felt more seen, more heard, and more safe.

[01:08:23]>> Yeah.

[01:08:24]>> And And that's by me putting myself first because I can be >> all There's a funny thing about it, guys. Guys, I'm I'm going right in the camera and tell this watch this >> is just listen twice as much as you talk. You're your wife doesn't your significant other doesn't need you to answer. And neither does your staff.

[01:08:42]This is a business advice, too. Yeah.

[01:08:43]>> They don't need the answers.

[01:08:45]>> They just need you to listen >> and they need to be heard. and you ask him a question about it. I have a thing and a guy got it from Dan 131 rule.

[01:08:53]What's the one issue? What are your three freaking recommendations?

[01:08:58]And then what's the one you picked? And then we unpack it and they it's amazing how somebody feels that they're a part of the solution or the decision that they'll they'll get behind it. So it just listen, man. Two God gave you two freaking ears and one mouth for a reason. The more I listen, probably heard that from Chris Foss a lot too.

[01:09:21]The more you listen, the more people tell on themselves, but the more that they feel heard and it bonds you.

[01:09:26]>> It's it's the the you know, they the first person that speaks loses. The person who speaks most loses.

[01:09:34]>> How do you differentiate between ego-driven goals and purpose- driven goals?

[01:09:39]>> Oh, that's so good.

[01:09:42]For me, I'm gonna I can give you the the the can answer, but I'm gonna give you my answer. My answer is purpose- driven goals I feel in my heart and it's easy.

[01:09:51]I don't have to think about them.

[01:09:53]Eagle-driven goals I have to work at. I have to actually think about and I usually I I usually know that they're ego driven if I have to ask if they're ego driven.

[01:10:03]>> That's funny. It it it just purpose driven fuels you up. It's it and it's part of that book. This the second mountain. It's it just comes. God's plan for you happens.

[01:10:16]I could sit here and just spend another hour and tell you the last year breaking on how I know. I just told you about the airplane. I could give you 50 freaking times when that happens. That happens to me. There is a purpose for you when you fall out of line. That is God putting you back. And we ignore that. That is energy. It is source. It's you're on your path to where you're supposed to be. And then you start derailing and then bad things start happening. They're like, "Get back to what you were doing."

[01:10:42]And just it's just it's it's like what Mel Robbins let them. It's let it happen.

[01:10:48]Every part you don't have to force what's meant for you. You don't. We have to set up guidelines and parameters and standards to push the things away that are bad for you. Everything above that, that's that's literally ego. An ego is external.

[01:11:05]It really is. It's external. Well, I gotta have a big house, >> you know. Yeah, I gotta have all these.

[01:11:10]Do you Do you need it or do you want it >> really? It boils down to need as as I've grown and and um gotten a bigger reach and made it bigger, the less I need.

[01:11:21]And there's another thing, too, man.

[01:11:22]That not drinking, I I don't acquire much. That's why we're going to donate most of this to charity. I'm going to take care of my staff. The people that helped us build this, >> we're going to take care of them.

[01:11:31]They're going to be rich beyond all wild beliefs.

[01:11:33]>> Yeah. And then we're going to donate to charity to become because I don't I don't need it. And watch the more I give away the more we make.

[01:11:41]>> Yeah. It's funny how that works.

[01:11:42]>> Insane. So it lights you up, man. What lights you up is is just is purpose driven.

[01:11:48]>> You know, coming full circle. I think that that's when when people are again alone with their own thoughts. They're sitting in what was it? Silence.

[01:11:56]>> Stillness. Solitude. Well, you're going to go full silence. Stillness. Solitude.

[01:12:00]Yeah.

[01:12:01]>> And what I would add to it is sign.

[01:12:04]You'll end up being significant. You can sit in there.

[01:12:06]>> So the full circle is who do you're best equipped to help the person you used to be. I was a scared beaten little boy who was scared to death. And now I I have very few fears. I said I was scared but I'm not. If I'm ever scared, we're in a bad situation, bro. Because I've used it all up. And uh so but that's the portal to and then the other thing too is whatever keeps happening to you that is that's your portal. That's what you have to lean into there. We call them red flags. Look into those red flags.

[01:12:41]They're more likely what needs attention.

[01:12:44]>> And I got a news flash. Mine was all about the drinking and as soon as I attached that then then it unlocked all the purpose. You created that space that you spoke about.

[01:12:51]>> Yeah. That's so key. That's so so key.

[01:12:53]Um where well first of all you have a new book coming out so happier than life.

[01:13:00]>> Um that'll be available any you're going to give it for free or >> we're going to we're going to give the electronic version away to free. So just follow me on Instagram and when I announce it message me uh book or or just in the DMs and we'll have it automatically set up to send it to people. Now I I'm not a big fan of those. I read books books. It'll be available on Amazon and all the where books are sold. So, if you want to buy it, you can still buy it and get a but but I will email the electronic copy when it's available. I'm still in final proof. Truth be told, I told you absolutely transparent. I almost want to throw the darn thing out because in the last 3 months, I've grown the most. I think I've grown since I started this and I want to redo it. But the meat and potatoes of it, the daily habits and rituals that I'm giving to people are the same ones I'm using today. But the stories around it are changing every day. Like I can't I can't put in the airplane story because it I've already read it.

[01:13:52]>> Yeah.

[01:13:53]>> These things keep happening that you cannot say are happen stance.

[01:13:59]>> You just can't. When I ask a specific thing to God and it gets delivered to me, like, can you smooth this plane out so I can have a conversation with you?

[01:14:06]When the pilot says, "We're going to have nothing but turbulence for the next hour, so I'm going to put put the the stewardists in their seat." Explain that to me.

[01:14:17]I I can go on and on and on and on and on. So, uh, those are the stories that I want to do. So, I'm going to release it and we're going to send it. So, if people follow me, kelly.agle.771 on Instagram, that's our preferred platform. We're on everything.

[01:14:28]Instagram, Tik Tok. We just recorded a round of of socials that are going to blow people's mind.

[01:14:34]>> You've learned so much in your life. Uh, we've talked about a whole bunch of different great ideas that are going to help people on the show today. If you could only pass on one lesson to your kids, to your to your daughter, what would that lesson be and why?

[01:14:46]>> I stole this from Ramdas and it was love everybody and tell the truth. And I say that because it hits me so hard because I've been lied to. We've all We've all been lied to, but I was lied to as a child. And the truth hurts once. A lie hurts forever. So if we just if I could pass one universal law, we always had to tell the truth. Not your truth, the truth.

[01:15:09]It would make this world a lot better place. It would make it easier. We could I can maneuver with the truth. Yeah.

[01:15:15]>> And I could fix anything but death.

[01:15:18]>> But you got to give me the truth. So love everybody. Tell the truth. That's what I tell everybody. And the world could be anything you want it to be in this world. You just have to freaking help people and help yourself and work on yourself. And it becomes amazing.