My Brilliant Friend | Can You Love Someone and Hate Them at the Same Time?

[00:00:00]If you only read one series in your whole life, then I sincerely hope it's this one. This is the Neapolitan series by Elena Ferrante, and it consists of four novels, as you can see. You might be more familiar with the first one.

[00:00:14]This is My Brilliant Friend.

[00:00:18]Throughout this whole series, we follow the two main characters, Elena and Leela, from when they were little girls all the way until old age. As you might be able to guess from the title of the first book, it is a story about friendship between the main characters, but it's also more than that. It's also a story about these two young women surviving the violence of their neighborhood in Naples, Italy, especially after World War II when a lot of things in the world were changing. It shows the rise of feminism in Italy. And it shows the importance of an education or at least having goals in your life and working towards them. And it shows how important it is to be able to survive on your own without relying on unreliable men. It seems to be a story that does it all. And it does it really well. From the first chapter in the first book, it's very clear that something between the relationship of our main characters has turned a bit sour. They're no longer as close as they used to be. We're introduced to a much older Elena. I would say around 50s or 60s, that kind of age. And one day in the middle of the night, she receives a phone call from Leela's son, Reno. And Reno tells Elena that Leela is missing.

[00:01:40]He's really worried. He can't find her.

[00:01:42]And even after all of these years, even after the relationship has kind of gone bad, he still thinks that there's a possibility that Leela could be hiding with her best friend Elena. But Elena hasn't seen her, and she tells him that.

[00:01:58]Eventually, they hang up the phone, but Elena's already been bothered out of her sleep. She can't really fall back asleep anymore. So, she starts doing what she does best, which is write. It's at this point that the readers find out Elena has become a pretty established author.

[00:02:16]She's pretty successful. She's written some bangers in her lifetime. And while it's clear that she draws a lot of inspiration from her real life and growing up in Naples and all of that, her best friend Leela has always asked her not to write about their relationship and not to write about Leela. But now that Leela has gone missing, Elena decides to write their story. While you could certainly argue that it was wrong of Elena to start writing this story of Leela against her wishes, I think it really sets the tone for the rest of the series because there is something so great and so compelling about Leela that Elena has basically struggled her whole career not to write about her. But it's also a very complex emotion for Elena because on one hand, she wants the world to know how great Leela is and how much she's been inspired by Leela. But on the other hand, it's almost like Elena's secret.

[00:03:16]Maybe she doesn't want the world to know about Leela because she's afraid it's going to take the spotlight away from herself. Or people will start saying what Elena has felt deep down her whole life, that she would never be anything without Leela. And this brings us to the very beginning of their story when Elena and Leela first met. Most of the first book takes place in their neighborhood.

[00:03:41]They grew up in the same neighborhood in Naples, Italy. And it's very clear that this neighborhood is not exactly a safe and welcoming environment. There's a lot of gang violence. There's a lot of social politics going on. It's a very complex and violent place to grow up in.

[00:04:03]But they meet each other in their classroom. They both are going to school in primary school. And it's very clear to Elena that Leela is very smart. She's smarter than all the kids. She learned how to write on her own. She's really great at math without even being taught.

[00:04:20]And the teachers are also surprised by Leela's greatness. As for Elena, she's also really smart. She does well in school, but it also takes her a lot of studying, a lot of hard work to be able to get those grades. Things don't necessarily come as naturally to her as they do for Leela. But they really become friends when one day after school, the boys from another class are kind of picking on Leela and Elena, and they're throwing rocks at the girls and being really rude and mean and cruel, but Leela is not scared at all. Other girls maybe would have tried to run away or hide somewhere, but Leela picks up some rocks on the ground and starts throwing them back at the boys. And I think Elena was really shocked by this.

[00:05:06]She's never seen a woman stand up for herself in that way. She's never really seen a girl like her in her whole life.

[00:05:14]Also, everyone else starts to be a bit scared of Leela because she's so direct and she stands up for herself. It's a bit out of the status quo, but this creates the bond between Leela and Elena, and they stay friends for basically their whole lives. And throughout the rest of the series, we watch them grow up. We see how their relationship changes throughout different periods of their lifetimes, how life is filled with ups and downs. I would honestly recommend the series to anyone regardless of age or gender. But I also sincerely recommend all young women to read this story because although we currently live in a more modern society than Elena and Leela grew up in, they still struggle with some of the same issues. They have some of the same thoughts. Like when Elena is going through puberty, she really struggles with acne and her appearance. she feels really insecure. And then later on when, you know, they're talking about education and what to do with their lives and if they should get married or not, have kids or not, and all of these things that happen in life, I think they're still really relevant to us today. Reading this series is kind of like reading Elena's diary. So, you follow Elena's life as she grows from a young child to an adult and an older woman, but you also get to read and understand her deepest and darkest thoughts about everything. Obviously, a big topic is marriage and kids and what a woman should be like, or I guess more precisely, what a woman could be like if you don't conform to societal pressures.

[00:07:04]This is not necessarily a spoiler, but it's very clear that from Elena's point of view, she felt a bit pressured to have kids after getting married. She was very young. her career was just getting started and then she got pregnant and Elena goes through this postpartum depression and she talks a lot about the pressure she was feeling and how terrible she felt about herself at that time. But you get to see her crawl herself out of that hole. I mean, she almost lost her career totally because she had to devote most of her life, I would say all of her life to taking care of her kids, which I don't really think is healthy. I think there definitely needs to be a balance, but it is really hard when you're in someone like Elena's position. You're far away from your family. You don't have your parents around to help you. you're basically alone and you have to take care of these two little kids while also, you know, putting your entire life on hold. You can't even do the things that you want to do. It was really hard to read at some points, but I think it's a really important message. It's something that I think everyone needs to think about, but it's also inspiring to see how she got through that period of time and what she did to kind of turn her life around and give herself more opportunities. So, that is a really big topic in the whole series, but it also talks about finding yourself. So, Elena chooses the path of education. She's the only one from her little neighborhood in Naples to go to university and get a degree and really try to make a living for herself. Leela doesn't get an education. She didn't have the opportunity to do so. Her parents didn't even let her go to middle school, but she finds her own way to be successful. She's very ambitious and motivated. She finds her own ways to keep learning and to keep making money.

[00:09:12]And I think it just shows that there's more than one path in life. There's no one single correct way to live or this stepbystep process that will eventually lead you to success because sometimes you have to make your own path and be brave enough to do something that no one has done before. And I think something that also makes this series so worthwhile is the representation of what female friendships can sometimes be like. Honestly, I always think back to this scene from the movie Donnie Darko, where Donnie is in class and the teacher asks him to place an action or an object on a straight line ranging from good to bad. But Donnie finds this really confusing and he starts to talk back to the teacher and kind of get emotional and a bit angry because he's saying that you can't place one single thing on a straight line and say, "Oh, it's good or bad or it's kind of good or it's kind of bad." He said it's more like a circle and good and bad are intertwined. They overlap. One thing is not good or bad.

[00:10:24]It could be both. and good is not the opposite of bad and vice versa. And he also talks about love and hate. A lot of people see these as opposite things, like love is great and hate is bad. But Donnie is also arguing that it's not like that at all. These two feelings are actually really similar. And in the relationship between Elena and Leela, it's very clear that they love each other maybe more than anyone else in the entire world. They understand each other on such a deep and intense level, but sometimes that love overlaps with hate.

[00:11:03]It's very easy to feel jealous of a friend who has something that you don't.

[00:11:08]You feel like you're from the same place. You're really similar, but why does she get to go to college? Why does she get to chase her dreams while I'm stuck here in our old neighborhood? or why did I go to college? Why did I put in so much effort when she's just enjoying her life as someone's wife or something like that? It can be kind of confusing when they have something you think is way better than what you have.

[00:11:40]And that's what I mean when love and hate can overlap with each other.

[00:11:44]Sometimes you love someone so much you start to hate them. And honestly, something I've felt in my life is this pressure to have the perfect friendship.

[00:11:54]Just the kind of friendship where you support each other through everything, but you also talk every single day.

[00:12:00]You're always together, but that's not really realistic. Sometimes we drift apart for a while and don't really talk to each other for a while. But I think the true test to a good friendship is that after that period of time where things have kind of cooled down, you haven't talked to each other, then when you reach out again, it just feels like nothing has changed. It feels like no time has passed at all. You can just keep going and resume the friendship.

[00:12:29]Essentially, you can just pick up where you left off and there's still this deep connection where you feel like you understand each other in a way that no one else can. Honestly, I could talk for hours about this series. I would happily tell you every single event that happens throughout all of these books. I could tell you everything I feel about each character, but I'm not going to do that because I sincerely want people to read these books. I don't want to spoil it for everyone. I think that everyone deserves to experience this story and these books and to experience the beautiful writing and also to make your own opinions and form your own thoughts about the events that happen in the books. Like I said, reading this really feels like you're reading Elena's diary.

[00:13:17]I mean, it feels like an autobiography.

[00:13:20]It feels so real. All the characters feel like real people, and I've grown attached to them. I care about them. And by the end, you're gonna feel like you really went through all of these things with Elena and Leela. And I know it looks like a lot, right? It's a lot of reading to do, but trust me, it's going to go by super fast. Once you get into the story, once you get invested in the characters, it just seriously flies by.

[00:13:46]And by the end, you're going to be wishing that there was more to read. I feel like Elena and Leela and this neighborhood in Naples, I feel like it's all a part of me now and I feel like I carry with me the life lessons that they learned. I strongly strongly recommend everyone to read these books. I think also depending on your age and what period of life you're in right now, you're going to get something totally different out of it. But I do honestly feel like these books changed my life for the better. In my opinion, it's also a great read for the summer. You know, if it's too hot to go outside, you can just stay in and read these books. And there are a lot of depictions of Italian beaches and going swimming and getting ice cream. I think it's just a really great summer read. Let me know in the comments if you have ever read these books, if you like them or not, what you took away from them, or if there are any other books out there you feel like also changed your life for the better. Please let me know. I need some new recommendations after I just finished this series. But that's all for today and I'll see you guys in the next one.

[00:14:58]Bye-bye.