Men Are Getting Stingier? It’s Not Poverty — Marriage Feels Like a Never-Ending Burden!

Added: 2026-05-30

[00:00:00]Has everyone noticed something? Men nowadays are becoming more and more stingy. They aren't as generous as men in the past.

[00:00:09]This is a pattern I discovered a few years ago. Originally, it manifested in romantic relationships, but now you'll notice an even more bizarre phenomenon.

[00:00:18]For our parents' generation, it might have been the norm for men to support the family. But nowadays, this concept is basically never mentioned. In other words, the idea of a man supporting the family seems a bit like a fairy tale today. To put it bluntly, it's not that men today can't afford to support a family at all. Rather, the phrase supporting a family has long been secretly replaced with an astronomical menu of demands. Just look back and think about it. 20 or 30 years ago, even in single inome families abroad, what was the standard for a man supporting a family? It meant being able to pay the rent or mortgage on time, right? then maybe having bread or something on the dinner table every meal and driving a regular car on weekends to take the family out for a spin in the suburbs. A man who did this was considered a good father and a good husband. What about domestically? I think the standard was very practical as long as there was a place to stay in the city. Renting was fine, too, right? Being able to eat white rice and oil spilled noodles every meal, having meat dumplings every now and then, and the kids being able to go to school smoothly. If a man could meet this standard, we called him the pillar of the family. At that time, as long as his wife and children didn't suffer from hunger or cold, his existence in this world and society was the greatest dignity of him supporting his family. It meant my kids have enough to eat. My wife and kids are warm and have a place to live. Superficially, as a man, I have done my job right. Count it on your fingers and calculate this standard.

[00:01:48]having a place to live, having food to eat, and not starving. Let me ask you, applying that to the present, which man with a decent job can't do that? I think anyone can do it, right? A monthly salary of 5,000 renb, about $694, has a 5,000 renb way of living and 10,000 renb, about $1,388, has a 10,000 renb way of living. If supporting a family just means guaranteeing basic food, clothing, housing, and transportation, I believe that basically all men in China with functioning hands and feet can stand tall and say, "I can do it." Honestly, according to the standard from 30 years ago, you could randomly pick a guy on the street today and he would meet it.

[00:02:33]Every man, as long as he is physically sound, mentally normal, and not overly lazy, could be called a bread winner.

[00:02:40]But the scale is completely different now. The scale used to weigh 10 caddies, but now weights are endlessly being added, and it has long crushed people to the point where they can't straighten their backs. The concept of supporting a family in people's mouths today has become complicated. I have to list it out for you one by one. Look at tier 1 and tier 2 cities. Having a decent commercial apartment is considered a basic necessity, right? This single requirement has already crushed countless ordinary families. Then there's a car for commuting. It at least can't be too cheap, right? It can't be a domestic brand. It has to be a joint venture brand at minimum. When it comes to children's education, it's not just about having a school to attend.

[00:03:20]Bilingual kindergartens, premium school district houses, and piano, dance, and drawing classes are all mandatory. Among daily expenses, the wife's skin care products, new seasonal clothes, and holiday gifts, and red envelopes are indispensable. What else? Handing over the salary with a proper attitude. Not handing it over means hiding a secret stash and being disloyal. But tell me, at this point, if you respectfully hand over your salary card with both hands, what happens? They'll still frown and toss a sentence at you. Is this little amount of money all you have? What is this enough for us to do? So, have you noticed? In the past, a man supporting a family meant providing a safety net for the whole family and ensuring basic survival. Now, requiring a man to support a family means demanding him to shoulder the entire family's facade of dignity, which in other people's eyes is at least a standard of light luxury. How is this supporting a family? This is forcing an ordinary person to accomplish something that would take an entire army to do. That's why people always bring up foreign countries, saying, "Look, men in Europe and America support their families so easily." Don't forget what the standard for the American middle class was decades ago. One person working to support a suburban house, two cars, a dog, and a full-time housewife.

[00:04:37]How did that come about? That was built on the global dividends of a special era. Moreover, the definition of a decent life back then was just a mass produced suburban house and a regular car, right? It wasn't about needing a massive flat in a prime location and luxury BBA cars like today. Today, even in developed countries, it is getting harder and harder to maintain a decent middle-class life on a single male income. So dual income households have become the mainstream. But when it comes to us, the situation is reversed. On one hand, ordinary incomes fall far behind the inflation of asset prices. On the other hand, the standard for supporting a family has been unilaterally aligned with the upper class lifestyles seen in TV dramas and on social media. What's the most frustrating part? In this evaluation system, men shoulder almost all the economic responsibilities, but are stripped of their economics. Say you are required to cover all the household expenses while obediently handing over your salary card. When you exhaust yourself and finally reach one standard a new higher standard immediately appears to tell you that it's still far from enough. A monthly income of 10,000 renmanbi about $1,388 is deemed incompetent by some people. An income of 20,000 renmanb, about $2,777, gets you labeled boring and only knows how to work overtime. When you finally grind your way to 30,000 renmanb, about $4,166 a month, they'll add that you lack companionship value. Therefore, there is never a day to win this game because the rules themselves are constantly sliding upwards. Ultimately, it's really not that men can't afford to support a family. It's that the price some people have set for a family has long skyrocketed to a level that an ordinary person fighting alone simply cannot reach. Look, a family was supposed to be a place where two people team up to live their lives together. But now it has become a habit to place all the pressure on one person. If he can't handle it, he gets scolded as incompetent and a loser.

[00:06:39]This has never been a problem of any single individual. It's a problem with this twisted evaluation standard. When the threshold for supporting a family is raised infinitely high, no matter how hard an ordinary man works, he will always just be an unqualified husband in other people's mouths.

[00:06:58]>> A matchmaking agency actually went bankrupt because there were no male members. Even when it was free, no men came. So, what exactly is going on here?

[00:07:06]Listen to me explain. The story goes like this. This matchmaker had been running a matchmaking agency for many years and had paired up quite a few men and women. Who would have thought that while she made quite a bit of money in her first few years, it became less and less profitable as time went on to the point where it has now completely shut down, leaving no room for a turnaround.

[00:07:25]Regarding this, she stated that it wasn't because of her lack of ability, but because she simply couldn't recruit any male members. Without male members joining, she had no way to introduce anyone to her female members. And because she couldn't make introductions, the female members would ask her for refunds, which is why she ended up having to close up shop. Speaking of this, she felt deeply emotional, saying that in the period right before closing, she tried desperately to pull in male members. She even went to various residential communities to rope people in, offering men free membership.

[00:07:57]Unfortunately, even when she stopped charging fees, not a single man was willing to come. Some even bluntly said that her matchmaking agency was a scam, colluding with the women on blind dates to cheat people out of their money, which almost angered the matchmaker to death. Touching upon this point, the matchmaker also felt very helpless because some women on blind dates do indeed like to scam free meals and drinks, but that has nothing to do with her matchmaking agency as they didn't pocket a single scent from it. Realizing she couldn't get people from residential areas, the matchmaker turned her attention to office buildings, thinking the men there might be a bit more high-end and she might have a chance.

[00:08:33]Just like that, after arriving at an office building, she staked out the entrance to recruit male members.

[00:08:39]However, her wishful thinking was met with another blow because the men there wouldn't come either. Someone even directly complained, saying, "Let alone free. Even if you paid me to go, I wouldn't because those women wouldn't be interested in me anyway, and their demands are ridiculously high. Not only do they require a house and a car, but they also want bride prices of hundreds of thousands of R&B, tens of thousands of USD. Who can stand that?" The matchmaker was speechless at this, but she still advised him to give it a try.

[00:09:08]After all, that's just how the market is right now. If you don't accept it, there's nothing you can do unless you don't plan on getting married at all.

[00:09:15]Faced with the matchmaker's persuasion, the guy gave absolutely no face and said directly since he already knew the outcome, why should he even try? Is there something wrong with his brain? At this point, the man got angry too and couldn't help but say that nowadays, no women are willing to endure hardships with a man. They just want to enjoy the fruits of success. They would rather be mistresses to rich men than choose ordinary guys like them. Moreover, to put it harshly, the women coming to blind dates now are all leftovers who have been picked over. They originally wanted to find a tall, rich, and handsome guy. But unfortunately, those guys didn't want them. That's why they've dragged it out until now, looking for an honest guy to take over the mess. So, isn't it brain damage to go on a blind date with that kind of woman? Nobody is stupid. Okay. Hearing this, the matchmaker went numb. Although she really wanted to refute it, she found that what the guy said seemed to be true, leaving her at a loss for words. Later, she had to change her target and tried to recruit other men, but the others weren't stupid either, successively stating they wouldn't go even if it was free because women's standards are way too high now. Clearly, they themselves only earn a monthly salary of a few thousand. But that doesn't stop them from demanding the guy to have a monthly income of over 10,000 remn $1,400.

[00:10:31]Plus, many of them are only 1.5 m tall, yet they demand the guy to be 1.8 m tall. There are even some who don't contribute a single scent, but demand the guy to put their name on the property deed. Therefore, instead of spending time going on blind dates with them and spending money buying them meals and milk tea, wouldn't it be better to top up a game, launch Ginchin Impact, and be a boss in the virtual world? Why go be a s just like that?

[00:10:55]Without recruiting a single male member, the matchmaker had no choice but to close her doors and find another way to make a living. So, having heard this story, what does everyone think? Do you sympathize with this matchmaker? Do you think there is any other way to save this matchmaking agency besides making it free for male members? Feel free to leave a comment in the comment section to discuss. I'll see you in the comment section. Bye-bye.

[00:11:20]The next time I introduce a match to an older leftover woman, I will slap myself in the face. Let me tell you, I was just infuriated to death by a former colleague I hadn't contacted in years.

[00:11:30]She was born in 91 and is indeed very beautiful. Seriously, about 6 or 7 years ago, more than that, maybe back in the 2010s before 2020 when we were colleagues, she was already going on blind dates whenever she had free time.

[00:11:43]To be honest, she looks really good.

[00:11:45]definitely class bell level driving a BBA Benz BMW Audi which is a nice car and her looks are truly impeccable. Back then everyone around acknowledged her as a beauty. Maybe not a stunning top tier beauty but definitely a recognized pretty girl. Her daily food and items were all designer brands and she carried luxury bags like LV. Back then before I started doing social media we got along quite well. Later when I became a content creator we lost touch for a long time but she suddenly came across my doine. She said, "Show me, you have so many fans now. 800,000 on Doí." "Yes, I just crossed the 800,000 mark recently."

[00:12:21]She said, "I see you're acting as a matchmaker. Can you help figure out my matchmaking positioning?" I told her, "I don't act as a matchmaker. I only do relationship consulting. However, it's true that I have a lot of local guys from Chongjo coming to me asking if I have any suitable matches on hand. I figured I had some free time anyway. And since we were former colleagues who used to hang out, I asked her what kind of guy she was looking for. She said she wanted someone with a house and a car in Chongjo. Though anywhere in the Sujo Wuxy Chongjo area would be fine. She is currently a so-called freelancer. I don't know exactly what she does and I was too embarrassed to ask. Maybe she flips good sometimes. I didn't ask clearly. That's the first point. The second point is she still insisted the guy must have a house and a car. I asked if she could accept someone who has been married before. She said, "I can accept someone without kids, but I can't really accept someone with kids unless the guy with kids has an annual income of over 500,000 renmanb about 69,400."

[00:13:20]I said, "Sister in the Sujo Wy Chongjo area, a guy earning over 500,000 renb, about $69,400, who already has kids probably wouldn't consider someone of your age. You're 35 this year. I suggested we consider guys earning over 300,000 renmanb about $41,600 which is acceptable because she really does have good looks. I told her I happen to have a guy on hand whose family owns a factory who has a son earns about 300,000 to 500,000 renmanb about 41,669,400 a year and has a car and multiple properties. She said, "Oh, I can't accept a guy with a son. Being a stepmother is too hard. If it were a daughter who would eventually marry out, that's one thing, but with a son, there would be fights over the inheritance later. I said, "Sister, you're 35.

[00:14:13]You're not young anymore, and you can't afford to be so picky. We've known each other for years. If I have a good match, I'd definitely give it to you. Besides, if you keep being picky, you're going to miss your childbearing years." Then she got defensive and snapped. What? Are you looking down on me? Are you saying I can't give birth? She genuinely got angry at this point. I said, "It's not me saying it. Medically speaking, a woman over 35 is considered an advanced maternal age. If you don't have a baby now, do you plan on never having kids in your life?" She said she could choose not to. I replied, "If you're not going to have kids, why would a guy look for you? Wouldn't men rather date someone younger?" Things got a bit sour at that point, and we ended up arguing a bit, making it impossible to continue.

[00:14:56]Honestly, I genuinely wanted to help an older leftover woman. And since becoming a relationship blogger, I've received requests from many local guys. I've always been curious because she is indeed a beauty and everyone actually wants her to do well. Since my life is going well right now, I want the people I know to do well, too. If I were doing worse than her, I might not want her to do well considering toxic friendships.

[00:15:18]But my life is pretty good and my financial foundation is solid, so there's no need for me to be jealous of her. She is indeed prettier than me, but I certainly wouldn't be jealous of an older, unmarried woman. I just want her to find the best possible match. Well, that's it. The friendship is over. A common trait among many older leftover women is that they want everything all at once. To be honest, I've met many divorced men with kids and anyone earning 300,000 to 500,000 renb about 41,669,400.

[00:15:48]Generally refuses to date older leftover women because they know older leftover women are hard to please. I felt that when we worked together, she was quite hard-working and a nice person. So, I was willing to casually introduce someone to her for free. Many clients trust me, and since I happen to have clients looking for pretty women who haven't been married or had kids, I thought I could play matchmaker. Look how this turned out. I didn't want things to get ugly between former colleagues. But my good intentions completely offended her. Introducing matches for older leftover women is a completely thankless task. I'm not worried about her contacting me because I've already blocked her on WeChat. we can't be friends anymore. Over the years, I've been telling her since I've been doing relationship counseling for so long that her requirements can only be met by wealthy divorced men. Her family background is ordinary. Yet, she drives a nice car and carries designer bags. The regular jobs we did back then couldn't pay for that, so it's possible her boyfriends bought them for her.

[00:16:44]After all, pretty girls always have men willing to foot the bill. But enjoying the pretty privilege when you are young doesn't mean you can still cash in on it when you're older. At 35, not many men are willing to pay for everything, whereas in your early 20s, there certainly were. That's why many older women are left over because they lack self-awareness. To all the brothers watching this, if an older beautiful woman is still single, she either has extremely high standards or a terrible temper. I know she has a pretty good temper, which means her standards must be sky-high. And sure enough, asking her proved it. The problem is, if older single women don't want to find a partner, that's fine. But if you want to find a partner and have children, you shouldn't set your standards so unreasonably high. You might feel that because you used to date guys making a million R&B, about 138,800 a year, settling for 500,000 renmanb, about $69,400, is acceptable now. But in a non-tier 1 city, 500,000 renmanb is still a very high requirement. Many people just have high standards without realizing it.

[00:17:46]telling you the truth offends you, but not telling the truth means you'll miss your optimal childbearing window and the chance to be a mother in this lifetime.

[00:17:54]Yet, many simply won't listen. Thinking I'm just attacking older leftover women.

[00:17:58]I'm really not. It's just that I hate to see you waste your potential and I feel helpless when I can't assist you. I'm so frustrated. I want to slap myself. Why did I even say these things? I should have just refused her. I know very well in my heart that whether it's older leftover women or men, they are mostly leftover due to unreasonable demands.

[00:18:16]And it just makes me so mad. To everyone watching, unless you're out of your mind, never introduce matches for older leftover men or women. Otherwise, you'll just end up offending people. In this case, with no conflict of interest, blocking her is fine. But if there were a conflict of interest, offending someone could disrupt your own work in life, which is unnecessary. So try to keep your distance from friends who are older leftover men or women and don't discuss relationships or marriage with them. It's way too easy to offend them.

[00:18:45]>> And before we continue, let us know in the comments where you're watching this video from. Connecting with viewers from all around the world is a huge inspiration for us. Thank you so much.

[00:18:59]>> 90% of matchmaking agencies will disappear within 5 years. This is not to scare you, but because you completely fail to understand what your agency is actually selling. If you go ask the matchmaking agency bosses around you what they sell, they will all tell you resources. I have tens of thousands of highquality single men and women in my hands. Wrong. Open that highquality singles resource database of yours and take a look for yourself. How many people registered years ago and how many are registered at four or five different agencies at the same time? A client pays at your place today, walks out the door, turns right, and the agency next door has the exact same resource database, but offers a 20% discount. Let me ask you, what do you use to compete?

[00:19:41]Therefore, I tell matchmaking agency bosses that agencies that only sell contact lists are committing chronic suicide because lists are not valuable.

[00:19:49]If you casually post a video of handsome guys and beautiful girls right now, a whole bunch of people will proactively add them. Then what is truly valuable?

[00:19:57]What is truly valuable is your ability to process the list. It is the experiential result during the process of you accompanying the client from wanting to find someone to actually finding them. This is called delivery. A delivery that makes clients proactively place orders is actually divided into three levels. The first level is called matching efficiency. It's not about throwing a pile of profiles at them, but truly understanding your members, being able to precisely help them narrow down the scope and filtering out the right people. The second level is called ability improvement. Why do members always fail at blind dates? It's not because there are no resources, but because they don't know how to date. Can you teach them how to communicate? Can you teach them how to present themselves or teach them how to handle intimate relationships? The third level is called experience design. From the first in store consultation to every follow-up visit, can you design a standardized service process that makes members feel their dating ability is improving rather than just meeting for the sake of meeting? Only when these three levels are achieved can it be called delivery.

[00:20:57]If you can't do it, you are just a broker selling lists. Therefore, the matchmaking agencies that can survive in the future must be the ones that polish their delivery like a product. Follow me and I will guide you to use highlevel wisdom to iterate your matchmaking business.

[00:21:13]>> Do older leftover women feel panicked?

[00:21:16]Of course we do. I was kept awake by anxiety again all of last night. Did you know I couldn't sleep? For older leftover women like us, it's not just panic. It's mostly a mindset of extreme fear. It's exactly like the fruits displayed in a supermarket. If we don't manage to sell ourselves off while we are still fresh, we fear we might just rot and become worthless later on.

[00:21:37]Furthermore, when you look helplessly at the people around you, the ones who have already rotted and make comparisons, you truly feel panicked. Extremely panicked.

[00:21:47]Just like last night, a friend of mine initiated a video chat with me. When I saw her back in 2018, she was still quite youthful and radiant. She was the type working in a tier one city, having a house and a car, earning an annual income of 200,000 to 300,000 remn, to 42,000.

[00:22:07]She drove her own car for daily commuting, paid off her own mortgage, and whenever the holidays came, she would travel all over the country to relax. In her daily life, she would hang out with her girl squad, wearing dresses, drinking afternoon tea, singing karaoke, and organizing gettogethers.

[00:22:25]Back then, her life looked absolutely perfectly sorted and very glamorous. The absolute definition of a highquality independent woman. But when I video chatted with her yesterday, I was so shocked that I couldn't sleep a wink all night. You know, it has only been 2 years. That is to say, she merely went from being 30 to 32 years old. When she was chatting with me last night, her bare face through the unedited camera literally scared me into midnight insomnia. At first glance, she didn't look 32 at all. If you said she was 42, or even 48, to put it harshly, people would believe it. I'm not trying to degrade her, but after finishing the video call last night, I just couldn't wrap my head around how someone born in 1990 could age so drastically. In the past, she still had a bit of a girlish heart. When chatting with everyone, she would at least pay a little attention to her outfit, or at the very least, the camera angle and lighting. But when I video chatted with her yesterday, it was pure middle-aged antie vibes. She was wearing a beige vest, and even through the screen, I could see her huge, flabby bingo wings and her thick, loose arms.

[00:23:33]And her laugh lines, I feel like they could rival Granny Lu's. and her eye bags definitely gave Shol Lo a run for their money. The main thing is I remember her face used to be quite small, but after just 2 years of not seeing her, her entire face had widened by whole size. I don't know if her face just sagged or what, but her whole face was just drooping downwards. Her voice didn't sound as nice as before either.

[00:23:56]It had that dry, raspy feel of a middle-aged woman. The point is, I'm not trying to criticize her, but couldn't she spend over 100 renb, about $14 to touch up her hair roots and diet? The top half was black and the bottom half was entirely that withered yellow color.

[00:24:14]It was honestly so upsetting to look at.

[00:24:16]I figured whether you are a man or a woman, humans are visual creatures, right? If she knew her figure wasn't in shape anymore, couldn't she find clothes that hide the fat before getting on a video call? dressing like a middle-aged chef. It was just too greasy and unappealing, let alone men. Even as a woman, I felt sad looking at it. On top of that, she was selling me anxiety, saying she's afraid she won't be able to have kids in another 2 years, which is why she's been going on blind dates for the past 6 months to marry herself off.

[00:24:47]Then what completely shattered my worldview was that she actually told me she rejected the pursuit of a relocated property owner with an annual salary of 2 million renmanb about 277,000 yesterday. I thought to myself, what guy with an annual salary of 2 million renmanb about $277,000 would even be interested in someone looking like her? If I were a man, I would be scared too. Then after closing the video call, I recalled the visual of chatting with her. I panicked and I couldn't sleep at all in the middle of the night. Then when I got out of bed past 12:00 a.m., I went to look in the mirror. I took a look and realized my figure seemed to have suddenly sagged, too. I don't know if it was the after effect of video chatting with her or what, but as I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt like I also looked like a middle-aged woman in her 40s. Then I realized that in 2 years I would have the exact same visual gap as her, and I became even more anxious. So last night, I suffered from insomnia right up until 3:00 a.m. before I finally fell asleep.

[00:25:50]This is the kind of anxiety of a 30-some older leftover woman that you cannot even imagine. So this afternoon, I went out to the gym and worked out for over 3 hours and ate a fat loss meal for dinner. So do you think older leftover women panic? Let me tell you the truth.

[00:26:07]We are literally scared to death.

[00:26:09]Especially since without comparison, there is no panic and no fear. Not to mention the social circles of older leftover women basically consist of identical people. Everyone is an older leftover woman. When you look at the fresh and youthful young girls around you and count the number of them turning into middle-aged aunties every year, if you don't panic yourself, I guarantee you are absolutely lying. I don't know if older leftover men also have this greasy and unappealing feeling, but anyway, as an older leftover woman who is 30 this year, I feel extremely panicked. I feel like I'm already 38.

[00:26:45]This feeling is just very panicky. Every time you have a chat with your older leftover female friends, you need to mentally prepare yourself a lot afterwards because you are afraid that one day you will also become like her, which is truly terrifying.

[00:27:01]Today I want to chat with you a bit about marriage. Let me introduce myself first. I was born in 2004, making me 23 years old by nominal age after this new year. This year I went back to my hometown to spend the new year with my family. In previous years, I was always working far away and didn't have time to go back. So I figured since it had been a while, I should go back and visit my grandparents. The deepest impression I got from this trip was that I was actually pressured into getting married.

[00:27:27]I'm a 2004 kid, only 23, and I was pressured into marriage. It was quite unexpected and felt like something very far away from me. The new year vibe was actually quite weak this year. My family didn't visit many relatives, just a few households, but every single one of them asked me if I had a girlfriend and told me what kind of girl I should look for.

[00:27:46]Hearing it once or twice is fine, but hearing it too much gets really annoying. Around the fifth day of the new year, while I was having dinner at home with my parents, my dad brought it up again. He asked if I had thought about what kind of girl I want and nag me a bunch about marriage. I told him to stop talking about it for now. First of all, it's not like I can just meet whatever kind of girl I want on demand.

[00:28:07]Relationships need to be cultivated.

[00:28:09]Secondly, I feel very comfortable living alone right now. I did the math for him.

[00:28:13]Based on my normal income, I make about 8,000 renmanb about $1,111 a month. Deducting rent and utilities cuts that right in half. My rent is 1,000 renmanb about $138.

[00:28:27]I spend a bit less than 2,000 renmanb about $277 on food delivery every month and I have a cat at home. Let's just say I spend $4,000 renmanb about $555.

[00:28:40]After deducting all that, I still have 4,000 renmanb about $555 left. Having 4,000 REMBB, about $555, is really comfortable for a single guy living alone like me. I can go get a foot massage, a full body massage, eat some barbecue skewers, or go drinking and hang out with friends. It's truly comfortable, or I can use it to develop my own hobbies. But my dad told me that this lifestyle isn't okay. I asked him what was wrong with it. I'm only 23. Do I really have to start thinking about marriage right now? I think it's great to enjoy my single life for a bit. Then my dad said I should start looking for someone now. Date for a year or two and getting married around 25 would be just right. I was stunned when I heard that.

[00:29:24]I asked, "Marry at 25? Are we in that much of a rush?" Then I started debating with him. I said, "First, I am very comfortable living alone right now.

[00:29:33]Second, you can't just conjure up a girl out of thin air. Third, even if I did date someone, my current financial capacity isn't enough to give her a great life. I feel that girls out there nowadays heavily influenced by the recent Xihona culture have split into two types. One type is the modern independent woman who just like us single guys doesn't rely on the opposite sex and only depends on herself. The other type relies on their looks to demand things from others. To put it bluntly, they are gold diggers. It really depends. After all, it's me getting married. I can't just find a girl to settle and make do with just for the sake of marriage. That's not a real marriage. In our parents' generation, they might have met once, chatted for a few days, and then gotten married, but things are definitely different now.

[00:30:18]Moreover, I'm only 23. It's impossible to meet someone once, and go straight to the Civil Affairs Bureau to register for marriage the next day. It definitely takes time to build a connection and understand each other's interests. Then my dad told me I was being too selfish.

[00:30:32]I was completely dumbfounded. How is this selfish? I'm the one getting married, so I must feel that I meet the conditions for marriage. for example, having a certain level of financial stability to provide a good life for her. Furthermore, it depends on whether the girl is willing and if we are actually compatible. If she's only after my money, there's no point. If the girl I like doesn't like me back, my one-sided effort is also pointless. You can't force love. We are only 23. Can't we spend a little more time looking? Why the rush to get married around 25? Then my dad started talking about having kids and my brain just exploded. I absolutely hate kids. They are noisy and troublesome. Later, I gave my dad a hypothetical scenario. If you guys were in our current era thinking about marriage, would you still act the same way if you hadn't given birth to me?

[00:31:18]Think about how much money you would have saved. You could have used that money to travel and do whatever you wanted to do. That was my exact thought at the time. I feel I can support myself very well alone. So, why should I spend my time and energy on something that might yield no return? I might genuinely fall for a girl, date her for a while, only to realize she's just after my money or killing time with no real intention of getting married. That would be incredibly mentally draining.

[00:31:43]Therefore, in my perspective, I would rather marry late than treat marriage as a mandatory task. Plus, there's no law stating you must marry at a certain age.

[00:31:52]Recently, I scrolled past a doine video saying that the total number of single men this year will exceed 300 million.

[00:31:58]That's a terrifying statistic, but it also shows that many people actually prefer solitude. And to be honest, for someone like me, born in 2004 and 23 years old, almost all of us have an unforgettable white moonlight in our hearts. Once you lose contact and break up with this white moonlight, the withdrawal symptoms take a very long time to overcome. In the future, no matter what kind of girl you look for, you will subconsciously use that white moonlight as the standard. Unless you are desperate and just grab anyone possible to appease your family. If you truly want a happy and perfect family, you definitely need to think carefully and choose the right person. You can't rush it. Also, guys, nowadays, some are still in school, some just entered society, and some are struggling to make ends meet. Sometimes it's exhausting enough just living your own life. If you have to take care of a girl on top of that, it's fine if she treats you well, but if she has princess syndrome, it becomes a terrible and infuriating experience. I'm really not trying to sound harsh. I just think I'm speaking realistically. That's all for today. I welcome everyone to leave comments in the comment section because I really want to see your thoughts. First, is getting married at 25 considered early or late? Second, what are your thoughts on the topic of enjoying solitude? Thank you all. I wish everyone can sleep well and have sweet dreams every day in this year of the horse. May you all go to bed early and wake up early and I wish you all to be worthy of love. Good night.

[00:33:24]>> Is a 26-year-old who isn't married really considered an older leftover woman? Today is my 26th birthday. As soon as I got home, I saw my mom busy in the kitchen with several cold dishes laid out on the chopping board, making it as grand as the Lunar New Year. I suddenly felt a bit overwhelmed by the favor. Growing up, this was the first time I celebrated my birthday with my family. Eating longevity noodles, making a wish, blowing out the candles, and eating cake. I thought I was the happiest girl in the world at that moment. But my mom still brought up the question I feared the most. You're already 26. When do you plan to get married? Is 26 very old? Must one get married just because they've reached a certain age? I kept my stubborn rhetorical questions bottled up inside while my ears were filled with my mom's earnest lectures. Your younger sister already has a kid and you're still not married. How do you expect me to face people outside? You're almost 30. Do you know that in the countryside you're almost considered an old maid? It's not that I don't understand these principles, but marriage isn't something you can just settle for. Should I just go on a random blind date, find a stranger to make do and live with just to hand in a satisfactory answer sheet to my parents, and wrong myself for a lifetime? I don't understand, and I don't want to compromise easily. An inexplicable impulse surged in my heart.

[00:34:39]I slammed my chopsticks down, threw away my birthday hat, and hid in my room as if hiding could help me escape all the pressure of being pushed into marriage.

[00:34:47]A birthday dinner that should have been full of joy ended on a sour note, and my mom and I silently stopped talking to each other. Perhaps every family is like this. There is an ideological gap between two generations with each standing on their own side without a clear right or wrong, and arguing only turns into an endless debate. Silence is not a cold war. It's just the time needed to give each other a chance to calm down, thinking about it carefully.

[00:35:11]Who is my mom doing all this for? She got up early and stayed busy in the kitchen. Every single dish contained a mother's complete love for her child.

[00:35:19]Could that steaming bowl of longevity noodles really not melt away the differences brought by the cognitive gap between two generations? Thinking of this, I gathered my courage and spoke my true feelings to my mom. My mom touched my forehead and we opened our hearts and talked slowly right in the middle of that ideological gap. A bridge of understanding was quietly built. Before the age of 26, I always felt that I could wait a little longer, that I could spend more time with my parents and take things slow. But youth is truly too short, fleeting in the blink of an eye.

[00:35:50]In the end, I cannot escape this lesson called marriage. So at 27, will I usher in a new chapter in my life?

[00:35:58]I wonder if anyone has ever questioned why we always calculate the frequency of sexual intimacy based on whether the man is satisfied rather than whether the woman is. To make a heartbreakingly sarcastic joke, if we truly used female satisfaction as the standard, most married women could probably rightfully claim they are still virgins. In our social context, whether an intimate encounter is over is always based on whether the man ultimately achieves physical release. Whether the woman felt comfortable or enjoyed it doesn't matter at all. Since she didn't even experience the most basic pleasure, how can it even count as having happened? At best, it's just a mandatory chore of cooperative performance. But what is absurd is that in this matter, men not only dominate physically, but also firmly hold the power of narrative. In the clinic, I have seen too many girls tortured into self-doubt by this narrative power. If we observe carefully, we will discover a ridiculous logical loop. If a man's desire is stronger than a woman's, he wants it, but you don't, they usually think it's the woman's problem, blaming you for being uncooperative or unreasonable. But if a woman's desire is slightly stronger than the man's, then it's still your fault and they call you indecent. It is clearly a normal physiological difference that could happen to either partner, yet somehow in the end, all the dirty water gets poured on the woman's head. A girl with a slightly stronger desire will be secretly labeled with a filthy tag and called a Meanwhile, a woman with a lower desire, or one who is simply too exhausted after working all day and taking care of the kids after work to deal with it, will be directly accused by her husband of being frigid and may even have to bear the unwarranted blame for forcing her husband to cheat. No matter how strong a woman's desire is, she will not prey on strangers, nor will she force herself upon her partner when rejected. But what about some men? When rejected, they fly into a rage, refuse to use protection, and then shift the blame. It is clearly their own inability to control their lower halves and their lack of empathy. Yet, they can self-righteously play the victim and reverse brainwash you. They blame you for lacking charm or for failing to fulfill your wely duties. When it comes to dodging responsibility and perfectly shifting the blame, they truly do it flawlessly. There is a deeprooted ideology in society that men are inherently more accountable and responsible. I'm sorry, but working in a hospital, I find the interpretation of this statement truly laughable. In the gynecology clinic, I have seen too many girls going through an abortion alone, trembling all over from pain, while the man who caused it all sits leisurely outside the door playing games on his phone. I have also seen wives exhausting their lifeblood and borrowing money everywhere to save their husband's lives. Yet, I have also seen men who, upon hearing that their diagnosed wife needs expensive medical treatment, use the excuse of going home to get money and never appear again. In this cruel reality, what I hear and see is mostly men leaving behind a massive mess due to their irresponsibility. I rarely see women driving their families to a dead end out of selfishness and apathy. The so-called masculinity that people constantly praise is something I genuinely cannot see in many men of this era. On the contrary, in the countless ordinary women I interact with, I see the highest tier of masculinity. No matter how devastating a defeat they face, they can dry their tears and earnestly bear the weight of their lives. Their monthly salaries might not be high, but they manage to take perfect care of the elderly and the children.

[00:39:27]They might be enduring a widow-like marriage, yet they still treat this world with the gentlest kindness.

[00:39:36]It seems that social order needs to be rebuilt. I don't know if everyone has noticed this phenomenon. In the past, it was called men marry wives and women are married off. Meaning that when men and women come of age, they should get married. Upon reaching a certain age, a woman would marry into the man's family.

[00:39:53]This was the traditional practice. Once the woman joined the man's household, both sides would work together to run the family well, which included having and raising children. This is our understanding of the traditional family.

[00:40:05]After that, the couple would fulfill their filial duties to the elders, which of course also included taking some care of the woman's parents. Admittedly, there was something unreasonable in the past. Generally, after marrying into the man's family, the woman was not allowed to casually return to her maiden home.

[00:40:22]This was a practice from the past. But what about recently? This is the social order, or rather the family order I am talking about today. Have you noticed this phenomenon recently? When some women are about to get married, their first demand is that the man must have a house. And furthermore, they demand that their own names be added to the property deed. If you ask her why, she says, "You have to show me your attitude. I need a guarantee." So my question is, what is this guarantee? Does this guarantee mean that if we get divorced, I get to take a share of the real estate? Or does it mean we won't get divorced and we'll just live our lives together? Of course, I think the answer is clear. because the divorce rate is high. Now, many people think since I'm marrying you and you're adding my name. If we divorce, I'm going to take a sum of money with me. That's the first thing. Secondly, you have to give me a betroal gift, bride price.

[00:41:10]This betroal gift can be high or low.

[00:41:13]I've seen discussions online showing that in some places it's incredibly high, reaching hundreds of thousands or even a million R&B, about 14,000 to $140,000.

[00:41:24]This way of treating property is entirely different from the betroal gifts of the past. In the past, what the man's side gave to the woman's side was an engagement gift, meaning I want to marry you. In return, when the woman's family married off their daughter, they had to provide a dowy. Between the two families of relatively equal standing, a custom was established. That is one aspect. Additionally, after some women enter the man's family, they make demands. The first is that the man must hand over his salary card to the woman.

[00:41:53]The second and some even demand this is that the salary cards of the man's parents must also be given to the woman to manage. What is her reason for managing the money? You have to give me a guarantee. You have to give me a sense of security. And moreover, you need my permission to spend money. If I continue to list these phenomena, there are many more. For example, I will move into your house but I won't do any chores.

[00:42:16]Actually, what I am describing is certainly not a universal phenomenon.

[00:42:20]But by bringing this up, I want to ask a question. How do the families described by these women differ from our families in the past? Therefore, my viewpoint today is that we need to establish a new family order. Listen to this and see if you feel the same way. In the past, our understanding of a family was that the man builds a house and takes a wife and the woman marries into jointly run the household. Of course, during that process, there were indeed situations where women were repudiated by their husbands. There was even another situation in the past. Women had no property rights after marriage, no property rights before marriage, and sometimes not even a surname. I remember encountering this situation when I visited Shing Hai one year. You know, Ching Hai had Ma Buffong and his clan.

[00:43:02]Within their clan in Sheening, his former residence has been turned into a museum. We could see that all the men had first and last names and they had houses and land registered under their names. But the women, specifically his daughters, had no names. Only his sons-in-law had names while the daughters did not. I was quite shocked when I saw that. I mean, as someone known as the king of Ching Hai, his daughters were treated just like the daughters of ordinary commoners. He still continued the customs and traditions of an ordinary patriarchal family. So, this is the situation we can observe today. Therefore, my point today is that our current society needs to establish a new family order. The old model where the man marries a wife. The woman is married off. The man gives a betroal gift. The woman brings a dowy and the woman moves in to bear and raise children has become obsolete. This is because for many people now it's no longer a traditional marriage of marrying in. Instead, both parties find a house together to get married. So the concept of who is marrying whom no longer exists. Today, the only things left that represent traditional wife taking are that you build a house and the children take your surname. But nowadays, some families don't even care about that. Some even say the child will take the mother's surname after birth.

[00:44:16]Therefore, during the marriage process, the excuse that the man must prepare a house is no longer sufficient. In the past, taking a wife was the parents responsibility followed by having children, which was called carrying on the family line. Moreover, in the past, if a family had no children, say they had a son who didn't marry, and because he didn't marry, there were no grandsons, this was called the end of the family line. If a family line ended, the clan would take back the house and the land. So, they had to ensure a lineage. Of course, if your family was wealthy and prominent or even held a noble title, they had to find someone to inherit the title, which was called a hereditary succession. That was the past. These things don't exist anymore.

[00:44:56]But now, the situation is reversed. The reversal is that many women go to the man's family and demand betroal gifts, demand their names be put on the man's house, demand control of the man's salary, and even use the man's family's money to support their younger brothers or their own parents. I believe that within their means, it is perfectly fine for the couple to take care of the elderly on both sides. However, we find that some women refuse to support their fathers-in-law and mothers-in-law, only supporting their own parents, and they ignore their brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law, only taking care of their own younger brothers. This is the so-called brother supporting demon. When I talk about this, my actual point is that we need to establish a new social order. Now, under the current circumstances, why is this happening?

[00:45:40]It's because the old custom of men taking wives and women marrying out has collapsed. The new concept is called equal marriage between men and women and it requires the establishment of new customs. So is it absolutely necessary for the man to buy a house? Is it absolutely necessary for the man to give his salary card to the woman? What is the reason behind this? I think no one officially talks about it because the tradition of men taking wives and women marrying out was formed in China during the Zhao dynasty and was called the rights of Zhao. After undergoing changes over more than 3,000 years, since we now no longer emphasize clan surnames, don't have land, and don't even have ancestral heirlooms, children taking the father's surname is really just a nominal concept. Inheriting the father's surname or not makes no fundamental difference.

[00:46:27]So, at this time, we need to establish a new social and family order. Regarding the new family order, my suggestion consists of two statements. The first statement is that the new family order must reflect equality between men and women. I raised this issue when the man's parents buy a house for their son.

[00:46:44]Under these circumstances, as soon as they get married, the woman demands her name be added to the deed. In the event of a divorce, previously it meant splitting it in half. 10 million renmanb about $1,400,000 would mean taking away 5 million about $700,000.

[00:47:02]5 million would mean taking away $2.5 million, about $350,000.

[00:47:08]Later, it was said that if the name is added, they might get a bit less, maybe 1 or 2 million R&B, about 140,000 to $280,000.

[00:47:18]In such situations, the man's family clearly feels it is unfair. the man's side feels. I saved up so much money to buy a house for my son and now after being married for just a year or two or two or 3 years, the house is taken away, not to mention losing the betroal gift and having to subsidize a ton of money.

[00:47:36]Therefore, property relationships like this require the state to regulate them through the law. You don't see this situation in foreign countries. Abroad, it's even common that after marriage, the woman takes her husband's surname.

[00:47:48]Look at Clinton. His name is Bill Clinton. So his wife Hillary is called Hillary Clinton. Foreign countries also have issues regarding differences between men and women. It's not like it is absolutely equal abroad either. This is just a reality. So the state needs to enact laws regarding this issue.

[00:48:05]Additionally, concerning how family property is distributed in our country, does it absolutely have to be managed by the woman? Because in the past, women managed it. We used to believe that whether the woman or the managed the property, everyone was doing it for the sake of the family. But now if one party such as the woman controls the money and she uses it to buy a house for her brother or to provide for her mother's retirement while showing no care whatsoever for her parents-in-law. Such practices have sparked massive controversy online. Of course we have many other issues. For example, in the past after marriage a loving couple could just be together. But now we find that after marriage if the wife does not consent she can sue you for rape.

[00:48:45]Furthermore, if a woman has an affair outside and gives birth to a child, the man is still legally required to raise it. These things contradict Chinese customs. However, some of our experts use Western methods to explain these things. France experienced this situation in the past where overprotecting women led to many men being unwilling to marry. This is the viewpoint I am putting forward today.

[00:49:07]Establishing a new social order and a new family order is extremely urgent.

[00:49:12]What does everyone think?

[00:49:15]Tonight, my husband agreed to divorce me, but I feel like he completely overturned my entire perception of who he is. He said he will keep the house, let me drive the car away and allow me to take all the cash flow we currently have on hand. He said that as a man, things will always be a bit easier for him than for a woman like me. You know, I've talked to him about divorce so many times, and every single time he was extremely resolute. He wanted me to leave the marriage with nothing and demanded that I compensate him for this and that. But tonight, he said he had never once thought about divorcing me before. I just can't quite understand him now. I don't understand what our stalemate over all these years was even for. After I made up my mind to divorce him and he refused, I stopped going to work. He has supported me financially for over 2 years. And during these two years, he never let me worry about money. I know that in terms of finances and ambition, he truly is a very good person. However, he has always denied my pain. Even tonight when we talked about the things I had suffered in the past, he couldn't even empathize with me. He said if I can't let those things go, there's nothing he can do because he doesn't think those things were a problem. My whole being is emotionally breaking down right now. You know, if he had still spoken harshly to me, said a lot of ugly things, and said a bunch of conditions, there is a high probability.

[00:50:29]As we reflect on the stories we've just shared, perhaps many of us can see a reflection of ourselves in them. Modern love and marriage seem to have turned into a battlefield of numbers. age limits, monthly salaries, property values, and bride prices. Men are suffocating under unrealistic financial pressures. While women, but you know what? The greatest tragedy in life isn't getting married late. It's getting married for the wrong reasons. Just like the heartbreaking story of the couple at the brink of divorce, sometimes love can be deep. But the timing is tragically flawed. When she was giving her all, he hadn't grown up. By the time he finally learned how to be responsible, her heart had already gone cold. Ultimately, love isn't just about finding the right person. It's about empathy and growing up together at the exact same time.

[00:51:17]Marriage is not an assignment that must be submitted by the time you turn 25 or 30. It is time we establish a new order for relationships, one built on genuine understanding and true equality. Men need to learn how to share the emotional load instead of escaping it. And women must look beyond unrealistic material checklists to see the true character of a partner. Please don't rush into a lifelong commitment just to silence the noisy expectations around you. It is far better to embrace a beautiful, peaceful solitude than to be trapped in a lonely marriage. Focus on living your life to the fullest and becoming the best version of yourself. And true love will find you when you are most at peace.

[00:51:57]Thank you for tuning in to Chinese Emotion. Remember, you are always worthy of a love that heals, not one that hurts.