Autistic vs Neurotypical: The Misunderstanding That Hurts

Added: 2026-05-07

[00:00:00]And I remember one of the guys I worked with was like, "You're wearing headphones in you know in the office.

[00:00:04]That's so rude. That's so like who does that?" And I was like I felt so humiliated. Autistic, feeling judged? I bet you feel stupid sometimes.

[00:00:14]Now it's time to stop. Watch this video.

[00:00:16]So, I'm autistic. I have autism and ADHD and a lot of the time I sometimes feel stupid. And why?

[00:00:24]Because the things that I do neurotypical or non-autistic people don't do.

[00:00:31]And it could be the fact that sometimes I smell my hands or sometimes I smell objects that are just in the room like, "Oh, what's this book smell like?" And why do I do those things? Why do we do those weird things? Objects like shoes, personality, maybe a typical shirt that we like and we won't throw out because we give it a personality even though it's broken and doesn't fit us.

[00:00:49]Not our style anymore. We'll keep it because we see it as Joel, the sweatshirt, you know?

[00:00:56]Those things neurotypical people or people who are not autistic that they don't do and they and they never do. And it's because of those things that we do, we feel judged.

[00:01:09]Like a lot of the time I may be out in public and you know, me and my partner we're going to take our niece to a ice hockey game here in Canada. And so I said, "Okay, I'm going to go but I'm going to use my noise-canceling headphones because it's too much, right?" And a lot of the time we as autistic individuals wouldn't take our headphones cuz we'd say that we'd look stupid and then people are going to be like, "Oh, look at this person over here with headphones on. Haha, what a come to a a game with headphones on? Or you're going to go to a bar and put on headphones? What are you talking about, you know?"

[00:01:40]And we feel judged. We feel judged because we look at people to being normal and that's the things that people don't normally do. And it doesn't it doesn't make much sense to other people. It won't make them see much. But all they see is you being different to them and they want to judge you. But they're only judging you for a simple reason that they're probably already insecure about something to do with themselves because when we think about it are you worried or bothered about about somebody else's outfit or attire or accessory accessories?

[00:02:14]Not really. You don't care, right?

[00:02:16]Because you're only concerned about you.

[00:02:19]Now, the other person is the same thing. They're concerned about themselves. But rather than looking to themselves and think, "Oh, maybe I should have put a different shirt on."

[00:02:27]They point the finger outwards to say, "Oh, look at this person with headphones. Look at this person over here who's stemming or using a sensory toy, right?"

[00:02:34]It's judgment based on the fact that they feel insecure whilst looking at you because it highlights to them that you have the bravery to do something that they probably never would. And remember the old saying like if a finger is pointing outwards, there's three pointing back. So, remember when somebody's pointing the finger and judging you it's not real. It's just a self-reflection of the things they're insecure about about themselves. So, it can happen in many places. I remember one specific story when I was working in an office uh the office was quite busy. It grew from a small like seven-person office to like 200-person community. It was crazy.

[00:03:07]So, I used to have to put headphones in my ears just to kind of dampen the noise around me. You know, like the loop kind of in-ear headphones.

[00:03:14]But before we had those, I just put my Apple headphones in my ear, you know, the wired ones you used to get with the iPods. Cuz I'm going back a few years.

[00:03:19]Yes, I'm super old. And by the way, guys, my name is Dan and I have autism and ADHD. So, if you want to learn more about this, I do videos pretty much every day. So, just hit that subscribe button here on YouTube and the follow button on Facebook.

[00:03:30]Now I put those in my ears and I was walking around and I had no music playing and they weren't even plugged into my phone or anything. They were just there to keep me a bit of a buffer between the noise outside and myself. And I remember one of the guys I worked with was like, "You're wearing headphones in you know in the office. That's so rude. That's so like who does that?" And I was like I felt so humiliated. I felt called out and I felt like, "Oh my god."

[00:03:53]But then I realized hey, like I'm allowed to do what I need to do in order to survive this environment. Kind of like if they had a headache they'd take some pain medication, right? They'd take a drink of water. Now, I wouldn't judge them for doing that because it's a way of them treating the symptom they have to help them in their work day, right? I wasn't going to go and leave work because you know, the noise is you know, too overpowering. I wanted to stay there and do something about it and that was kind of cool. So I ended up just staying there and saying to them like, "Hey, I have issues, man, you know?" And then they felt bad. And I didn't like that. So, I said, "It's okay. You didn't know."

[00:04:32]But from now on, now you understand. And then I got to thinking about this.

[00:04:35]People will judge us because they don't really understand us.

[00:04:39]And that can also be overcome if we know what to say, when to say and how to say it. And so if I were you and you feel this what I just described, you know, maybe wearing headphones in a bar or in the in the workplace or anything could be stemming, rocking back and forwards. It could be having a certain type of sensory garment with you or a fidget toy in your pocket or you may be carrying a Rubik's Cube around with you. All those things are fine. You can do whatever you want to do.

[00:05:04]But you also should do it with confidence and pride. Be sure of who you are.

[00:05:09]And I know what you're saying. Oh, it's all well and good saying it but you will feel less when you're out. You'll feel like oh, you'll feel intimidated by other people's normality, right? So, how do you overcome this? There is a simple way.

[00:05:22]If you can communicate your specific needs and the reasons you do things, you're not trying to give them a justification. You're just trying to give them the reason, an explanation.

[00:05:31]So, remember we're not justifying, we're just explaining. And so you'd say to Joe Bloggs, "Hey, I'm autistic. What are you laughing at?" You know, I have sensory processing issues. If you don't like it, it sounds like a you kind of problem, not a me kind of problem, right? And not to be confrontational, just to really explain it. Somebody says something to you like, "Hey, why are you wearing those headphones in a pub? Haha." You're like, "Hey, I have sensory processing issue and it's the only way I can do it." Kind of like the reverse of if somebody was wearing hearing aids in a pub they wear hearing aids cuz they can't hear very well. Well, I can't hear too well and so this dampens the noise.

[00:06:02]So, it's allowing them to see. And the only way to do this is to kind of give them an example. And so think about the opposite of what you do. As I said with the headphones, just reverse it. Well, people wear amplificational headphones which are hearing aids to amplify the sound. I'm doing the exact opposite.

[00:06:17]People can understand that, right? Or if you're saying like, "Hey I've got a fidget toy in my hand because it makes me feel comfortable. Kind of like you know, when you made that choice before coming out if I'm going to wear a heel or I'm going to wear a flat. Which one's more comfortable, right? And you went with the comfortable choice because you didn't want to be uncomfortable all night. Same, I don't want to be uncomfortable all night so I have the fidget toy with me and I'm just rolling it in my hands."

[00:06:37]That is so powerful. And knowing that you are allowed to express yourself in any way and you're also allowed to communicate your needs and your specific way of living to other people will allow you to kind of really grow into that character. Now, I do this for a living teaching autistic individuals to do this exact thing. If you're interested, I do have a free webinar all about building confidence and the right social way of communicating those type of needs. And you can watch it right now completely for free and I would love for you to do that cuz if you do that, you can come back here and you can tell me how you felt about it.

[00:07:08]Just visit the website www.bulletproofbrain.org right now. The link will be down below.

[00:07:15]Or you can just go to the the the website I just said and you can watch the video there completely free.

[00:07:19]And I think you're going to get so much out of it. But remember when you're dealing with people, it's judgment. When people are judging you, pointing the finger, saying things it's normally due to insecurity with them and an ignorance for your specific needs. And it's just a way of breaking this down. Once you realize, "Hey, that person has the issue, not me, right? I'm not the person with the issue here. I'm okay wearing my headphones in a pub or in work or whatever." It's the other person that may have an issue with or perceived issue.

[00:07:48]Just communicate why. You know, "Hey, I'm wearing these because or I'm wearing these because I need to or I'm wearing these because I like to." You don't try to justify it. You're not saying, "Is that okay?" No, you don't need justification or permission. You just need to tell the person, "Hey I don't know if you know this but I'm on the autism spectrum and this is why I do this." So powerful.

[00:08:08]That person then realizes, "Hey, maybe I feel a bit of a fool cuz I made fun of somebody who's actually, you know, dealing with a disability."

[00:08:15]And they'll also be like, "Wow, you just taught me something about autism." And that's so profound to be your own advocate and self-advocate for people with autism by just explaining yourself and why you do things. That's so important. This is kind of like why this channel exists because I wanted to do that to show more people those things.

[00:08:33]If you like this video, give it a thumbs up. Peace.