The hosts deliver a sharp, necessary critique of the "loyalty without compensation" culture that plagues the Nigerian corporate landscape. It’s a refreshing call for ethical leadership that prioritizes worker dignity over predatory profit margins.
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Bro, we have a friend that if you bring up >> we have a friend that >> No, that like she doesn't believe in long distance.
>> I was about to say that we have which friend do we have? Please, >> we have a friend >> because we've been accused of so many things on this platform >> only for us to have a friend in jail.
>> No, no, no.
>> Are you into keep telling people you have anxiety issues? is a lie. You're just wicked and mad. Look, you've done BBL and we're all happy for you. Carry your new bum bum and go outside. This is the podcast for you. I am poor.
>> Are you sure?
>> It's because THEY ARE VAPING. NOW EVERYBODY'S marrying on time at your big age.
>> Quit now. You know, I don't have plans to wear tomorrow.
>> I said what I said. The unsolicited opinions podcast starts now. At least this is a public place.
>> Hello boys and girls.
>> Hello all.
>> We brought to you another sage and salient episode. Another hot to the touch.
>> Okay. Spicy, sexy, delicious.
>> I just want you to know that Jella says hot to the touch like four times in this episode and it's becoming a real issue for me, I have to say. What did we do today? We did some dilemas and then we played a little question game.
>> We did indeed.
>> We played a little question. We also spoke about the responsibility that big and important firms have to set the tone for their industry.
>> We spoke about paywise and culture wise, >> Nigeria's crazy lack of respect for freedom of speech. Spoke about going to get your PVC again.
>> And we spoke about how companies are stealing data because we don't understand what is happening.
>> Yes. And you must grumble.
>> Yep.
>> All right guys, enjoy. Bye.
>> Hello, boys and girls.
>> Hello all. Greetings to you all.
>> How's everybody doing?
What else again?
>> That's all.
>> Yeah, >> happy May.
>> Why me?
>> Yeah, we are.
>> Boring month, but whatever. Um, what did you get up to this weekend?
Very good question. Very, very good question. What did I do this weekend? So dynamic. Um, I feel like what happened during this week?
Not much happened during the week.
>> That's what I'm That's what I'm confused about. Why don't I remember anything that happened during this week? But I feel like something happened during this week.
>> Not really events.
>> Not really. Did you you didn't go for an event this week, >> bro? I'm so confused about every single thing. I feel like I did.
>> No.
>> Good.
>> The only thing that I know happened was you got to massage this week.
>> Good.
>> This weekend?
>> Yes. I also so on Saturday I went to a baby dedic something definitely happened this week and I have forgotten it.
>> Baby dedication.
>> Yeah, I went to a baby dedication. My friend's baby Sim's daughter's baby dedication.
>> Oh, that's nice.
>> on Saturday which was super fun. But we all, it was so funny because you know when there's a gathering of like all our friends like friends in the 30s, it's just such a dynamic view of different stages of life because we had friends with multiple children running around.
>> You know, one of our friends was talking about their daughter's fifth birthday and we were all like, >> "Huh?" Like, "When did this when did this happen?" You know, other people were talking about something dating. It was just so interesting to observe all the different dynamics. So yes, there was that. That was fun. And then and then we were talking about like people take like how just different people were talking about how they chose god parents for their kids.
>> Okay.
>> Which was very fun >> to listen to and observe. And then what else happened?
I feel like that was about that.
>> Yeah. Then on Yeah, that was on Saturday. What did I do in the evening?
In the evening, I feel like I had like two or three guests in my house. People just came to play with me, which is always my favorite type of day. I have to be frank, actually. Um on Thursday, we went to Desi Bonds.
>> Yeah, that was nice.
>> That that is what we did.
>> So, Dirty Bonds closed on Thursday and it was fun. It was very very cute. There was lots of people were drunk out doing karaoke which was honestly so hilarious.
>> Like cuz I was walking in and I didn't realize I hadn't been I didn't realize there was karaoke. I just >> No, that was just for the last day.
>> I just kept thinking it's not how this song sounds.
>> No.
>> Until I realized that somebody was screeching. And then as we were there after you had left, I maybe left at like 10:30 when like close to when it was ending. I promise you at a point someone did a worship song and all of us were like you actually don't know what anybody is going through because I was like for you to be at this event singing passionately to Jesus everybody was like ah um my sister I truly hope that there's nothing going on but it was very interesting to observe um what else happened yeah Saturday that kind of came and went Sunday I had the most beautiful forehands massage at Daspace. Now I've been accused of being greedy because as implied a fore hands massage means two people are massage you at the same time but it actually makes the most logical sense because in a normal massage like the person has to massage your left side and it move to your right sides but in the forehands massage everything is moving at once. It was a phenomenal phenomenal time. I just wow.
I was so happy. I was so so so happy.
Although it's funny because like a day or two after every massage I've ever had, there'll be like some place that starts spinning me >> like on my back or something which is always weird.
>> But yeah, that was fun. And then we gathered for Sunday playing.
>> So that was also a lot of fun.
>> What else? I didn't do much. Same thing.
I just I went to Dirty Bonds on Thursday. I we've been writing. I even need to ask for an extension for something because I started rereading what I've been writing and I was like h this thing no to tap but yeah I haven't actually been like up too much and then we hung out on Sunday which is always very very fun.
>> Yeah, always very nice and that was it really.
>> I do enjoy I had my last so at at Jessie Buns I actually went there I don't eat burgers. I went there for the cookies. I went there for fudge cookies. I had my last one yesterday with great sadness >> that it's now over. I've been mising this thing.
>> Forgive me, please.
>> I promise you, I've been having the cookies like stress.
>> You know, some cookies that also really slap. Tally bakes.
>> Yes, they are so so so good as well.
>> Yeah, Tally Bakes has really really nice cookies.
>> I'd never tried them before. It's cuz of I was like, "Oh, actually cuz she she was so desperate to get these cookies."
>> I've tried it once. She messaged me so nice.
>> She was like, "Hey girl." And she never does stuff like that. I was like, she was like, "Please, can you I figure, let me tell you how." She said, she said that they following me. I was like, "Did you go into there? Are you so desperate?" She was like, "Yes, cuz she's leaving Lagos and she really wants the cookies." So, I then had to call John. John now called someone and they made it happen.
>> But I was like, "If these cookies, if she's if not a big sugar, they're really, really nice." I was like, "If she's this desperate, then let me try them out." And they're really good, though.
>> They're really, really nice.
>> They're really, really nice. I got somebody else to order the cookies.
They're really, really nice.
>> But yeah, other than that, um, very basic.
>> Yeah, it was a bit straightforward.
>> Quiet and boring weekend.
>> Think happened. Nothing really.
>> Nothing else happened. Okay, so we're going to play a game today. We have some questions. So, before we do the questions, shall we do one or two dilemas? I went out of my way to look for >> please just before the dilemas when I was coming here I said rad there's number of things on the mind but like you know Nigeria first of all first of all they have reopened the portal to register for your PBC have they because I just asked somebody to check I said that they haven't opened it properly >> okay they're supposed to have by the time this episode comes out >> they should have opened the portal >> the the CVR neck.org.org.
I don't know if that's correct. That the porter for you to get a new PVC, you know, find your lost or stolen PVC and just, you know, change your polling unit and just be prepared. Well, they've opened it and the closing date is meant to be August 17th.
And you know once again every time we say oh go and vote there is all this about oh uh you know haha you people still believe that voting works whatever and you know what I've even stopped arguing no problem at all let's even assume you are correct they will just rig it must we make it so easy yeah like let's even try and put up a fight and another thing that has been very scary for me is that more and more. In case you're looking for a reason to vote, it is now looking like we are entering a place where your freedom of speech is now being weaponized against you so that you will be bullied and targeted. And I mean it has been happening like this has been happening a lot but it feels like in the last few months it just the cases are more and more obvious and it is it is now anything you say can and will surely be used against you. Not only in the court of law everywhere and at the highest level you have like what is happening with Justice Crack who did a video about them not feeding soldiers properly before the army abducted him for days and now I saw yesterday that they've charged him to court as under bogus >> nonsense charges that he's inciting subversion in the army and you're just like I'm sorry the look at look at this is the Nigerian army this DSS these are some of the highest agencies in the land. This is what they have found time to do like they don't have anything that is going on. There are bandits doing videos on Tik Toks. They have not sourced them out. They do streams.
>> Is this the person that they they they've decided to focus on? So you have that at like the highest level and then you look at everybody from Chama with Erisco to the babe that spoke about bread >> born bread >> about born bread to the babe that that talked about something she saw in a children's book and they came after her and you're just seeing that plus the army plus DSS plus big government agencies plus the government themselves plus random companies everybody is able to wield law, you know, law enforcement agencies against you for anything you say. And me, I'm even like election has not even started.
>> Yeah.
>> And we're entering just a very dangerous and nasty place where it's starting to look as if you cannot say anything anymore. And what was the scariest for me is that there's actually nobody to to look to to see, okay, what are you going to do? Because who who will you call now?
>> Yeah. I It's just really weird. I I have a my thought process around it is when we talk about politics like everything is a game. Even though your your life is for lack of a better word like the word is pathetic.
>> Like our lives are pathetic as as young Nigerians, older Nigerians, our lives are pathetic. So nothing is a game. So when I whenever I'm in a gathering where people talk about politics like it's a game like he he owns this place and once he does this ah this politics is not a funny thing and I'm like this is this is not something to talk about with any sort of pride or excitement like the quality of our lives are so so so [ __ ] I feel like Nigerians are some of the funniest and most exuberant people in the world because generally if you sit in quiet contemplation and think about the quality of your life again you spiral into an unbelievable level of depression because the quality of our lives are really really bad and rather than understand our role as citizens we choose to see it as a game that you're not a victim of you act like because you don't want contemplate how bad things are. You act like you don't care or it's a game or yeah because you know somebody in the ruling party or in a different party that makes a lot of money as a politician. You talk like your access to this information means you're truly like free or even you don't understand the game. I'm like can we just see that I'm talking about we're entering a very scary place.
It's like it's crazy. Sometimes I I I I try not to to be like, "Oh, is it to sound like overly serious?" But it really is that deep. Like you're in your 30s, you can't buy Shama without without thinking. Owning a car is out of like if you add your salary for a year, you can't buy a car. By car, I mean, I don't mean a secondhand car. I mean literally a secondhand car. You can't buy a car.
Mind you, you are your salary. What the data is telling you is that with this salary, you're in the top 10% of people earning in the country. But you can't save money to buy a car. Okay, forget a car. Can you save money to buy a ke? You still can't. You can't afford to rent a room and parlor on your own in a slightly dangerous area. You can't um travel, you blocked out of job opportunities globally because even if you are able to scale past certain interviews or your VPN is not blocked, you can't work at your optimum because you don't have great internet service.
You don't have electricity, you don't have water. And so when people say to you vote and you're saying what's the point? How >> how is it reasonable that you're a thinking person given the I'm not even saying out of anything. I'm saying given the quality of your life, should it be so easy to discourage you not to at least say how you feel?
>> That's what I don't understand. I don't understand. It's not like we're having a great time.
>> The apathy towards it because I just I think you know what what is motivating you to do nothing. Like what I just I just don't understand what there is to gain. What do you think you understand that the rest of us are are stupid? And I and I I keep saying that at the most logical level for me, if it was not of any importance, would everybody be trying so hard to confuscate the whole process of even getting a Would they be hustling so hard to buy your vote if it doesn't mean to >> like it's so crazy to get a bit serious? Like we need to jazz up.
>> To me, it's being a thinking person. You are in your 30s and funny things you can do.
>> No.
In your 30s in the world we are we live in today. Light is out of reach for you.
Building a business where you pay stuff well is out of reach for you. Eating is out of reach for you. Marrying the person you love is out of reach for you cuz you can't afford it. Dating is out of reach for you because you're too ashamed.
>> Everything is because you can't really afford much or you can't and by affording much I mean you can't express like you can't express affection in a small way >> because it's difficult. You have strange relationship with your family because you can't afford >> God forbid you complain about something.
You have no idea who's going to come and pick you up.
>> To me, it's just nothing is a game.
>> It's not >> nothing is a game. And I to even try and say, "Okay, you don't have a car. You public transport." Problem >> problem.
>> It's just so I just so I don't understand what like you might be enjoying. That means you're ready to let go of the small the small thing the actually the one thing that allows you make a statement >> every four years you just suddenly say it doesn't matter and and that to me is a very foolish way to think especially cuz now that we're exposed to the wider world if social media wasn't really a thing and we didn't see how other people are living >> if we're seeing other countries forget you know people would tell you how that's the west African Look, we're seeing that even where democracy is messed up, >> things are still bad to move like this.
I have I have a complaint.
>> I want to talk about how I want to make a statement on how irresponsible sometimes I think people who are in business and social spheres are when they don't understand the power that they wield. And it's because I don't know if you saw it cuz you're off Twitter now, but yesterday a statement from the CEO of Money Point kind of went viral.
>> Okay. What did he say? So he was saying he he said he used to think that young [ __ ] that Nigerians were sort of I I don't want to >> I don't remember the exact statement but basically the sentiment was that he was under the impression that young Nigerians are like hardworking and really like clever etc ready to work but that he's been trying to fill 500 roles for a while. He said it's in a public platform and basically they can't fill these roles. Then made sort of like a passive statement about how like Nigerian young Nigerians are kind of like lazy and fraud adjacent >> and as an employer of labor hiring is not easy.
>> No, it's very difficult. But anybody who asks me, I've always said to them that a lot of times what I've found if we're being honest, if we're being perfectly honest, is a lot of times what you want, the truth is you can't afford.
>> You can't.
>> And rather than be honest about the fact that you can't afford exactly what you want, you make it about the fact that young Nigerians want. How many why would you make to me it's the lack of thinking you're not above the I say this thing all the time people think I'm being nobody's above the program >> as a Nigerian running a Nigerian company it doesn't behoove you to measure the weight of your words if one of the biggest companies to come out of Nigeria if the owner of that company is saying young Nigerians are lazy and want to do fraud in this current economic and political climate look at was happening to Nigerians in Ghana, in South Africa, the way we are constantly locked out of opportunities from the west. Why would you not measure the weight of what you want to say? Why would you make such a careless statement? I'm not saying that hiring is not hard. I'm just saying to what end was saying young Nigerians want to do fraud? What percentage of young Nigerians are actually doing fraud?
>> Yeah. Like why would you >> if it's just not considering the impact of that kind of >> also just quite frankly untrue. There's a type of staff I'm looking for. I cannot find that stuff with 250. Like let's be real. You can't put some roles.
you say so for instance like now um my current creative assistant she's been working with me for 3 years and now sadly for me she wants to start doing other things but Vivian didn't have a lot of experience when she started >> so she was like oh Jala how many years experience I said the job the role I'm hiring for is literally like you just you need >> it's your first it's supposed to be your first job >> and you will grow I told her the max I want the to have a 6 months of experience because quite frankly >> am I a thief?
>> Yeah.
>> What?
>> So you wouldn't even be able to pay the person that has 3 years experience.
>> It means I'm ready to take advantage. So the truth is that sometimes I see a role that is a graduate role and you're asking them for one to three years of experience. Where have we lost our [ __ ] minds as employers? Where are these children supposed to find that work? But then they can't be older than 24. Where are they supposed to find years of experience with your debt? 650.
>> Want to pay them like they doing internship. WHERE? WHERE? THEN THEY'LL COME to work every day.
Then you still have a dress code.
Are we all well? Please cough. Don't kill yourself.
Are we all well?
Sometimes I look through where people send me job. I'm like, >> it's always what the thing is about this thing is I also know at the same time so many people are trying to find a job that makes any sense >> any kind of sense >> because you want my soul but you want my soul for 160k.
>> I just don't understand.
>> You also want me to like travel as in back and forth office every day inside I want 60k and also have high internet connectivity when I get home. like there's just, you know, you kind of have to to to figure it out. And then, you know, there's a thing about there are conversations about what's the role of um a company or an industry in training people as opposed to the government.
There are all these really complex conversations and to me I'm not even saying it is not frustrating to find a job or it's not anybody that trying to hire people knows that is is a long process.
But the thing I'm constantly um wondering is to what degree are we being honest about what our expectations are and what we can actually afford and how we're trying to grow an industry. I was talking to Chida yesterday about something that really really bothers me and I've noticed that um has become a it's not even a Nigerian thing. It's very global.
the everybody who is an employer or a business owner >> wants to be capitalist to the max >> but we want the rewards >> of socialist mindset from your staff. So you want them to see that your >> you want them to be a family you want them to be >> you want to go the extra mile and all of that >> go the extra mile but you want to make the highest amount of profit that you can from these people >> regardless of what it cost them. So I was telling her about how a lot of billion naira companies have very everything they do is it's all legal >> but they always choose the most unethical way to go about business. So you'll be banks that you have a bank that has had contracts that for 20 years >> and then when you ask like staff what their benefits are. You look at the type of health insurance they are that's available to them is the lowest tier possible. you look at benefits in terms of like child care who is allowed to bring if you're not like um MD executive directors you don't have access to office crash you don't have like great um holidays or with the health insurance that's already very bad is you and one other member of your family >> if you look at what is provided for you with this trillion trillion trillion profits revenue okaybody I understand the companies that are sort of like corporations where you raise money and you owe a lot to shareholders. The one that really behooves me is really big companies that do well and are owned by one person and maybe it's like a family business >> and then your staff is not coming out to benefits >> and there's no benefits. I was watching a Tik Tok of a woman who so I started trying to look for if maybe I'm just being a bit >> crazy >> crazy and I found a woman who was talking about how >> she she ran a company for 20 years >> and the turning point in her company was when she started to do profit sharing with her staff >> and obviously people were like going crazy in the comments what do you mean and she said look at how an antagonistic people are so she was taking 15% of profits, not revenue, 15% of profit >> and sharing it amongst all >> and she shares it with her staff, >> right? She took she gave them the best insurance they could afford. She um changed like working hours and she said the difference it made in how staff related to the worth of the the business of what they were doing, the way they started to think about the work they were doing changed. And I'm not trying to be I I don't even think I'm particularly like a I don't see any value in going out of your way to try and be like a surface good person.
>> I just think of the world we're trying to build and what we're pretending to do >> in that.
>> Why do you think do you think people wake up every day and their sole concern is how to make you the most money possible regardless of what happens to them?
>> What kind of what kind of borderline illiterate thinking is that? forget like you know maybe when it was not their own company that that there is look most people just want to get to work and go home and and carry on their own life and so it's actually not really even about you I I just think some I think genuinely considering the how exposed we are if you're a business owner if you're somebody that is working to build anything of notes you are not a fool for not choosing the most capitalist extractive way of doing business each and every time. I think the Nigerian condition means that a lot of people consider anything that benefits people outside of the owning class as extra as foolish. No, it's not even so it's not even the wastefulness because Nigerians don't mind being wasteful.
>> They think of it as almost like their staff are treating them or they are foolish. And I'm not saying we don't have a terrible working culture. I'm just saying that there are some things that don't make sense, right? You're throwing company party. Bon boy should come and sink and staff don't have your staff don't have insurance and they have to be taking loans from like >> from a billion naira. Like please let's all be frantic. Everybody likes to pretend that oh they have 1,500 staff is you and your 30 staff or 50 staff or 100 staff like you can't be better.
I really wish a lot of us >> and also if you're not kind of doing the things that make people feel valued, comfortable, all of that you there's a level of, you know, additional productivity that you cannot expect.
>> You can't have it.
>> You you are doing the bare minimum for you.
>> You can't get it.
>> They must do the bare minimum for you.
That is >> 5:01 p.m. They've closed.
>> They don't close at 5:00. They close at 3:00. They've closed.
>> They they work at and they meandering in the office.
>> No, you and Nobody's saying you should not make money. Everybody needs to make money. There is a way in which you will just try and extract and extract and extract that you end up doing yourself >> and it's difficult to say and look I' I run a business. I've run a business before. It's it sometimes you you use more and you you are you even if you it is better you're better off sometimes doing better by your staff and taking a little less profit so that everything else can move forward so that you're not constantly looking over your shoulder who is stealing from me who is doing this one who is doing this one and all those things will happen but you even have people that are like you know what I this place values me therefore I give it a slight [ __ ] about it.
>> I'm just I just think >> the problems are many.
>> I just think we need to start thinking about our our attitude or our c like our culture, our company. People are not thinking about cultures at all.
>> And don't get me wrong, like again, I've had many staff frankly insane. Like a lot of people, a lot of people are just crazy.
>> Mad people. A lot of people are mad. And so I'm not even coming out to say oh this but there is also the blame is on both sides. The call is usually coming from inside the house.
>> I wish I end this little rant with saying that I do think market leaders have a responsibility to set the tone >> of their industry.
That's all I will say. Market leaders have a responsibility to set the tone for the industry.
>> Especially when you have the capacity to >> Yes. Because what will happen is when you introduce if if if you're a great company, if you >> introduce certain standards, everybody else has to pull up. One, two, let me lie. I'm always confused when certain types of companies are looking for stuff and then I check and see their benefits and their pay pay scale and I'm like a bad because you would imagine that people are running >> a bad you want Google talents.
>> Yeah.
>> Have you checked Have you checked Google benefits?
>> I don't want to pay them Google money.
>> It's not even just the money. Some people who take jobs for benefits and culture. I met someone two years ago. Um I I I was doing some work with a with an NGO >> and they were given scholarships >> and I met the girl one of the girls who who got the scholarship.
I met her mom. Her mom had moved had been working at a bank. We just ended up just cuz the girls the girl went to Green Springs >> just with her mom. Her mom was like she heard I went to Green Springs. So yeah.
I was like oh yeah I did. that you went primary, secondary school just said ah yeah that um she do I mind she has to step out she has a meeting come like oh what do you do she left a company a bank she had been working in for 15 years for a startup but she said she cannot believe the company culture >> that they pay better and she also has just like >> a lot more benefit >> a lot more benefits that she said the funny thing is you add all the benefits together this company basically stole her for took car for less than a million NRA extra in benefits in terms of their own cost but the benefits to her and her family are huge. her children's said there was things like dental um holiday she goes into she's mandated to go into the office once a week that's the only mandatory right and they are so flexible so she has more time and she said there's nothing that can make her she was not joking that >> you can't leave >> not even leave anything that will make them happy with her in the office she doesn't even want to hear it cuz she knows where she's coming from you actually have an obligation if you're a billionaire company if you're doing well if you're making great profit to behave like somebody >> to behave like somebody that is doing that. People should be dying to work for you. Let's just be let's be frank here.
Google know they look for staff.
>> YOU'LL BE WRITING META. THEY DON'T NEED TO. THEY DON'T BEG people to come and work for them. They don't beg meanwhile.
>> So I don't know. Let's just all know what we're doing.
>> Speaking of billionaire companies, you know, sometimes you look at situations and then you have to conclude that maybe you are stupid. So now I'd love to believe that I'm not a stupid person but I what I keep quiet now what I want you know I'm an engineer me >> now what I want someone to break down for me like I'm five as in I want someone that listen to the podcast to break down for me like I'm five how my data is disappearing no seriously I'm actually reaching out for an expert an expert in the field to explain to me how it is possible that today I will buy 11 gigs for the week and before the end of tomorrow it has finished. I actually need someone to break it down for me just like I'm a baby. What is going on?
>> Or maybe it's only us that is happening.
>> That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Maybe it's only because I've looked around. It is I mean I regularly say that MTN must crumble but when I before before I got to MTN Mobile was also stealing my data in GL is everybody. So I just want to understand then you said I am making billion trillion good. I just want to understand how it is that like my phone is dragging with my unlimited internet on how many gigs I'm using. I just want to understand when I'm not mining crypto, how I'm just using up all the data in the world. You'll just be seeing you've used sex blah blah blah today. And I think that >> when did I record an album? What did I where was like what was I doing?
>> How when is it all these WhatsApp chats that I'm having? Is it? Do you know I sent a 4 minute voice note? Is that what happened?
>> Is it can watch? WHAT IS IT?
>> HOW am I using how am I using 30 gig in a month that even when we were on lime wire downloading things?
We were not using this much data. So I just want someone to to explain it to me like I'm a baby. What is happening?
Because again this is a lawless place.
We know that. But you see this because I saw you know certain companies that are stealing from me declaring that they making billions trillions. How would you make?
>> I said how no HOW CAN'T YOU MAKE >> I said when I buy data every two >> me alone I know what I've given you. How won't you make trillion? And I'm looking for how to go to their office to demand my share and yes because I need to understand because I would travel and get a sim for one week that has 10 gigs. It will not finish.
>> There's nothing I will not do.
>> I will do everything. Will you use up to six? I will do everything that I do on my phone on my I will watch everything hotspot yourself >> I will be hotspotting my laptop I will not finish the 10 gigs but all of a sudden I'll come back to Lagos 2 gigs cannot take you through the day I just I'm it's it's maybe they've changed the system of measurements now gig >> it's really bad something else it just >> there's a lot of data theft happening I'm so sorry Look, it is crazy, right?
And once again, we are just sort of carrying on. We're just like we're carrying on because more and more you notice that, oh, people's data, you be trying to call somebody, your data is off, you turn off your WhatsApp and I'm thinking what's happening? But me, too, I look at every time I have to top on my data. I keep wondering that, sorry, what is happening? Like, I've never in my life had to buy this much data.
And so if you understand what is happening, I would really love for you to just break it down for all of us so that we can be well enlightened about the issue because I think it's theft of course. Maybe somebody knows like the inner inner workings >> constantly taking the piss out of Nigerians >> because they know that they know that >> the comm the committee in charge of the Senate or House committee in charge of telecommunications. This is actually part of their job. Nigerian consumer protection, this is part of their job.
They're not doing anything. They're not doing anything. It's so irritating.
We're just constantly being taken make out of, they don't care. You just steal from Nigerians. So your money doesn't have any value.
>> Nothing.
>> Your value as a customer is nonsense.
And upon if you check those companies and see what they trying to pay staff used to be >> and then you want us to compete internationally. How does a remote worker want to buy data >> inside when you are drinking it?
>> It's so nonsensical.
It's so nonsensical. Anyway, let's do some dilemas and before we get into our questions. Um, okay. Yes. This is from Miss J. who says, "I'm 29, turning 30 this year, and I'm feeling I feel like I'm carrying a life that's heavier than people can see.
The man I married is incarcerated in a foreign country, serving a 15ear sentence. He has done over 5 years already, but there are still about 10 more to go. By the time he comes out in 2036, I'll be 40 and he'll be 51." At the beginning, I told myself I could wait. I believed I was strong enough. I had my job. I was taking care of myself and I was raising our son. I kept everything moving and on the outside I looked fine. I still show up. I still smile. But inside it's been getting harder. I feel the stress all the time.
I don't sleep well. I've even tried therapy because I can tell something isn't right. Some days I feel so tired and disconnected that I want to drop everything. There are moments I don't even care about work, but I have bills to pay and a child depending on me. So, I force myself to keep going. I'm doing everything alone. And the truth is, I miss love. I miss having someone. I'm a lover girl. I want softness. I want to feel cared for. And I want a real relationship. I just don't want to survive like this. I want to live and be happy. Now I'm starting to realize that waiting for a decade will cost me too much. I'm young and I don't want to lose all these years of my life hoping and waiting. I want a normal beautiful life and I feel I deserve it. I started thinking about ending the marriage properly by returning the bride price.
My family supports me but his family doesn't want me to go. I feel stuck between what people expect and what I truly feel inside. At the same time, life is just so hard. I live in an expensive city and handle everything alone. rent, school fees, child care, every single thing. There's barely anything left for me to enjoy myself.
I'm managing and pushing through the heat of this Niger economy. I feel confused. I'm so tired and alone. I don't know what the right decision is, but I know I need love, support, and a much better life than this.
Damn. Um, first of all, I'm so sorry, but honestly, you're already alone.
>> Yeah. Like, >> it's not a feeling, it's a fact. You're you're actually already I know that obviously ending the marriage is a significant thing but you are actually already on your own.
>> Yep.
>> And 5 years have gone by. The thing about the remaining 10 years is that time will pass regardless of anything that you do. I am not sure what there is to be gained from waiting 10 years for somebody who uh clearly committed a crime and is you know I just I don't I don't understand what what there is to gain from being in in the situation you are literally on your own. Yeah. I think the questions for her to answer the first thing is was it a situation where you are originally living lavish from the proceeds of his crime? Like did you know he was >> a criminal?
>> Yeah. So was it a thing where you are living lavish and now that he's gone you feel guilty that you were chopping life before and now you're going to abandon him?
>> Um >> yeah. Was it like a thing of look we're doing this and these are the risks involved and you will like you'll be right or die you will stay you know you wait for me >> or did you also discover >> that he was doing something >> that he was doing something >> either way I want to be honest >> that's the truth the truth is what I was going to say next was even if it was the first situation that's bad because you you are also a bit of a criminal but >> honestly at the end of the day 10 years is a very long time. Yeah, I think I think genuinely and truly, I have to be honest. Um, since you're asking, I can't wait for anybody that goes to jail for a decade.
>> I can't I'm so sorry.
>> I personally will not.
>> I would take I would take the what you need to be okay with because you sound like a sensitive person.
>> Is this thing of you left him?
>> Yes. I I I think you're you're >> you're already carrying shame for not being the kind of babe you waited for husband blah blah blah. you. You're worried about how his family will view you. His family isn't helping you pay bills. His family isn't let to keep you warm at night. His family >> want you to stay for his own benefit.
>> For his own benefit, right? And his own mental. Because the truth about having an incarcerated family member, I imagine, is from what I've read and watched and listened to it, a big part of it is having someone that helps them keep hope alive.
>> Who is sending them money, putting money on their talking to them, talking to them, calling very like a semblance of normaly >> of normaly and if you say you're not doing again that has to fall on other people so let me tell you the truth you're already halfway out right you are deeply unhappy very alone and you're bearing more weight than you thought so I think you have to accept the idea of being a villain in somebody's story that's your biggest issue >> you will always be the you're already at the door >> and the thing that is holding you back is not actually that you want to stay it is how it will look that you have left which makes me think that maybe you might have promised to stay or something like that or you know I guess you're just married and that's the commitment for better for worse this is worse this is the worst this is worse a quick a quick one is I also I would always ask any woman who finds themselves about to be in trouble for a partner um I would also ask any woman that is in a situation like that please ask your part ask yourself genuinely I can tell you for a friendly fact.
There's nobody that can wait for me for that.
>> I was about to I was about to say that.
I just want to ask you a quick question.
Maybe two of you are Bonnie and Clyde.
If you went to jail for 15 years would that all your married not only would that man wait, will he wait alone?
Good. Thank you so much for that question. Another angle, another ang with you is that should you wait alone?
Just an angle, >> my sister.
>> It's just you.
>> It's just because when I think of will your your man wait, he might not go through the process of divorce. But you see that thing you said that you alone Lori 5 years then you still have 10 years. more to go a prime 29.
>> My sister has to get her.
>> You have to get >> I remember 29. No, >> you have to get together.
>> You 40?
>> No.
>> Okay. Now, hello.
>> So, if you want to honor the paper of the marriage, >> I'm with you.
>> I'm with you. But um alone.
>> I want to ask these young damsels here.
>> Do you think any looking for these ones are that the five years she has waited?
Is everything okay? Waiting one here. J B cannot wait for J girl cannot wait for anybody. People that don't wear it's not the kind of thing where he has gone to prison and like somebody is out who is like arranging money for you or whatever. You're actually on your own like it hasn't there IS A CONNECTION.
>> WHAT I'M saying is the life of crime has not paid. They're asking that why what's the between not wearing bra? You don't have the discipline to wear bra. You want to wait for SOMEBODY FOR 5 YEARS.
>> IT'S ACTUALLY so connected.
>> It's very connected.
>> It's extremely connected.
>> It's very deeply connected. People that carry to bag.
>> What are you talking about?
>> You can't wait.
>> It's very very very weight of all your belongings to be in cotton cloth. It's very connected. Let me just tell you the truth. They look so confident talking. Wait, >> YOU WILL GET AS YOU ARE ENTERING the prison, you'll be getting your dear John letter.
>> Oh, they believe and you can't be visiting the man.
>> SHE CAN'T. HE'S ABROAD FOR ME.
>> THAT'S TRUE. I forgot.
>> Yeah, he's abroad. So, she can't even see him. So, >> are you How often are you even talking to him, >> bro? We have a friend that if you bring up >> We have a friend that >> No, that like she doesn't believe in long distance.
>> Ah. Ah.
>> No, NO, NO, NO. I was about to say THAT WE HAVE WHICH friend do we have please?
>> We have a friend >> because we've been accused of so many things on this platform >> only for us to have a friend in jail.
>> No no no.
>> No no no please we don't have we don't have you I don't know anybody.
>> But there's one of our friends that if you tell him that oh you want to do long distance the he always says that he say everybody's okay. So every day you say I miss you I miss you. I miss you. I love you. Why? He said he said the thing, I wish you were here. What are you doing?
I love you. I miss you.
>> No, he hates it.
>> HE GETS SO ANGRY.
>> He actually hates it so much.
>> So much. He just thinks at your age.
>> No, but let me tell you the truth. I think if she lets go of this idea of being the bad person, the story a lot of people are >> She's at the door. She's actually at the door. She's at the door. Someone who has calculated the bride price, let her return it. She's at the door.
>> She's at the door. She's at the door.
>> She's at the door. Let me tell you the problem is that we don't even know the origin of this story. But ultimately you've done 5 years on your own >> and let me tell you 10 years is a very very long time.
>> It's actually a very very long time.
>> It's too much.
>> Frankly, I'm surprised that you're on your own.
>> It's too much.
>> But um it's too much. She mentioned she had a child.
>> Yes, >> it's too much. It's too much. And under these circumstances as well, you just what is it to say that you know a person that is in a different country in jail that has been apart from you for 5 10 years already that when they even come back you will even have a marriage to to hold on to. Do you know what I mean? Like what is >> I just I can't see what there is.
Nobody's saying you should cut him off or not speak. don't understand what you gain from continuing to be tied again.
We don't know the the context.
>> I don't know if you people promised yourself, you know, ride or die based on if I get caught or whatever because some people do stupid things such as that now. So, I don't know. You just sound like you have a general issue with the fact that he's in jail, >> which is a concern to me personally. I have to be honest. There there was nothing in that message that was like he's in jailm you seem fine about that about the jail >> you've gotten you've gotten over it in these 5 years >> but I just I don't know what you are um I don't know what there is to to be gained from you waiting is all I will say let me see yeah so we have a reply from something that happened a while back >> okay do you remember the lady who said her partner like her husband her and her husband have a very like weird relationship. He doesn't I think she lived in Abuja or something. Yes, her husband is cheating.
So, let me read it.
>> This is from Miss or Miss Perfect. It's a reply to a dilemma we did last year.
>> Hey girls, I'm the lady who wrote in about my cheating husband, the one I run a business with. I want to give you a followup and it might be a bit long, so feel free to skip any irrelevant bits.
This past Christmas was honestly one of the hardest I had. I took your advice and asked him directly whether we are still a married couple or just business partners who happen to share children. I wasn't even trying to fight or accusing him of anything. I just needed clarity, but he never really answered me. Kept going in circles. Said I was overreacting and creating problems and threatening the peace in our home, but never once actually reassured me that this is a marriage he wants. The conversation ended up with him getting upset and leaving the house for 3 days.
No real explanation. Didn't even call the children during that time. What has been bothering me the most is my oldest daughter who turned 16 this year.
Lately, she asked if my her dad and I are okay. And it's not a casual question.
He eventually came back the night before Christmas and acted as if nothing happened. Christmas came, we hosted family and friends, our usual performance, and acting as if everything was okay. We even kissed for the first time in a long time. When everyone everyone left, I know the ferity was over. It was the same awkward and uncomfortable silence I've been living in for the past seven years. I'm going to be very vulnerable right now because I feel like a fool and I'm very very embarrassed. As much as I believe in self- loveve and all that, there's something extremely painful about the person you love not rating you at all.
I've tried so many things to make myself be more attractive. I've done crazy workouts diet.
I've done facials. This guy does not look at me. I'm trying to see myself differently and this is not the life I planned for myself and my children. But here we are. Anyway, I decided to start slowly packing part of my life away from him because I can't continue to beg to be chosen. I started saving more money and I'm looking for places to pack my things in little by little because it's obvious my presence isn't needed. I don't even know if I'm going to divorce him yet because I'm not strong enough to do all that one and I refuse to be a guest in the house I helped build. Sorry again for the lengthy text. I need a therapist.
I'm so painful. But >> please, sorry, read the beginning again.
Just the beginning. You can't even remove this >> what of the dilemma.
>> Oh, um, this Christmas was honestly one of the hardest I've had. I took your advice and asked my husband directly whether we are still um a married couple or just business partners who happen to share children. He never really answered me. He kept going in circles.
>> Thank you.
>> So, answer.
>> No, she knows the answer. She's just giving us updates that she's leaving.
Sorry, we told somebody. First of all, props to you guys who listen to what we ask you to do.
As you saw in many videos that we posted last week, they said that this is why we're baring cuz we're looking for re up and down.
Now, I'm I feel actually very sad for you. Honestly, let me not lie. This is a this is a this is a sad one because you asked him >> and he actually answered you. You asked him if business partner or married and you said he kept going in circles. He didn't say yes we're still married. That is the truth. Then all this he's leaving the house. He's not you know talking to you. Unfortunately, you are now fully like before you might have suspected, but you are now fully aware that your husband doesn't raise you at all.
>> Yeah.
>> And he's not really interested in being in the marriage. The problem now is is lit. It's just a question of what are you going to do because he doesn't have any intention of doing anything.
>> No, but that she's she's going to she's making because the truth is this kind of person this situation works perfectly fine for him. You kind of stay out of his way.
him. He stays out of your way and he's moving on. He's not really thinking let me be scattering my life. But it is deeply affecting you and I feel sad for that.
>> Um, as for the the joke of you need a therapist a bit. Let me know that it can help. It can really help. I'm just really sorry. I don't really know what I think you kind of know that the writing is on the wall.
>> Also, I have to say something about this. um feeling ashamed or embarrassed when your marriage doesn't work, especially when you you're the one who has tried.
>> Yeah.
>> Um I've never been married before and I'm not married now. But I want to know.
>> Good to know.
>> But one of the things I I I find really interesting in how women are socialized is the degree of embarrassment we feel. degree of shame that is carried when when you make an effort with in a romantic relationship and your partner who >> this is not boyfriend girlfriend particularly with marriages the woman is trying and he has no interest and our first instinct cuz of the way we are raised is that you've done something wrong and it's something to be embarrassed about like like you not being able to quote unquote hold his attention is something to be ashamed about I understand the pain of rejection But I just need you to remember that you didn't do anything.
>> You did. You tried your best and kind of It's >> You didn't do anything wrong. There's >> You're still trying to fight for the thing.
>> Yeah. You didn't do anything wrong.
>> And you cannot fight for a two person relationship on your own.
>> On your own. Yeah. It's very hard to >> um It's very very hard.
>> It's very very hard to hear that. But I didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, because you know there's something about the way as a Nigerian woman they tell you also as bottom power like this if you talk to him like this supposed to be able to control hold the man >> if you if you keep make the home a safe space you raise the children you're supposed to at once manipulate him but also like hold his mumu button deeply and there's something about actually trying and not not being able to do There's also something going ordinarily, doing facials, doing the thing about it, we always say this thing, a rejection of you is deeply personal. Ah, >> you loving somebody that doesn't love you. It's deeply personal because nobody can explain to you that there's nothing wrong with you.
>> Even though that is the case. I'm I'm just sorry that it hasn't worked out.
Um, but the truth is it it will be a painful thing to whatever it is that you end up deciding.
It sounds like you're trying to take steps to leave. It is a painful thing and it's just something that you have to go through. Your daughter is asking you those questions because she can see that this thing has broken down. My own is that I don't know how you won't because I think for a long time you will is to try not to make it mean everything about you and honestly it's easy to say because even when you're not married and a man in fact even when even a man that you don't even like rejects you is irritating that's even the worst. I'm like I was even I don't even want you >> and yet >> and yet you're telling me your this is not what you want. Excuse me. So I can't now imagine the pain of someone you've actually built a life with. Um God that are very foolish.
>> Okay.
>> Very foolish in nature actually is what I want to say. I'm going to say two of them at once because I feel like they have small common ground. Um, now I don't understand actually. There's there's two that similar and one that's different. The first person who please it says just call me anything says how do I tell my boyfriend to stop sending me cute messages written by Chad Gupty.
He's not IN THE CORPORATE WORLD, but I'm a tech babe and I know chat from the very first sentence when I see it. Trust me, this isn't even a case of maybe he's too smart. L I know him and I know that that's not him. Not say that he isn't smart, but please, I don't know how to tell him that I know that all these little notes here and there, they aren't from his head. Sometimes I think it's not so bad. Other times, I'm just very irritated by them. Please help a faithful listener.
Whenever I send it to you say I get the sentiment now tell me the one you wrote like I think you just have to reach it.
Sorry. Is there a reason that you need to consult Claude before you tell you how you feel about am I if you want me to date the club just let me know I have access you I think you need to find out why he's doing he feels that that is necessary like is it a wash thing is he trying to use grammar to to bin >> he probably feels how many different ways can I say oh you're so beautiful I love you so he's now he now wants to remix it my dear Please stop all these things.
>> Is it better for him to just call Patrick to help him right now?
>> If you say people don't have game now, you guys will shout. You guys such a weird thing.
>> If you if you say people don't have game, you guys will shout. I think you just need to let him know that actually it's a bit weird and I like you for who you are.
>> And tell him that you don't need all these things.
>> You don't need to be telling him, "Oh, I don't like you."
>> Yeah. You actually need to be able to say to your partner that we don't need this. Like we actually don't need this.
He's making an effort. He's trying to send you cute things. So there there's, you know, E for effort.
>> I don't like it. Please, >> but you just need to say that listen, I don't like it and I don't understand why we're doing this.
>> I'm sure you not left all the M dashes there, too.
>> Of course. And that's why always irritates me that he won't even make the effort to like change the thing. And look, um, AI speak is very clear is the truth of the matter. I just can't believe you're trying to wind me with you now. What should I say next? Ah, [ __ ] That's an ack. Sorry if that's not your own personal. I mean, for me, you you have a loving relationship, so all the best. But no, I think on a more serious note, you kind of just need to tell him that you don't like it. Now, these are the two compound fools.
Uh, sorry about that. I want to say the first person says a it's a gentle listener says hey gorgeous people please what is this drag they are dragging you guys on this issue of sharing platform my dear don't worry about these things people are just very very very foolish indeed anyways I have plenty dilemas but let's start with this one first I recently started dating this guy he's sweet and all but he's physically not my type People keep telling me, well, older people keep telling me that if I continue this having a type thing, I'm going to live a life of singlehood for a very long time.
But I'm not physically attracted to this guy. He's sweet. He's caring. Like, he's a lot of things that a woman would want in a guy, but he's just physically not attractive to me. I've tried giving him reasons to break up with me, but the brother just didn't end. I'd really feel bad if I break up with him for something like this because he's sweet and he does and it doesn't make any sense. But his ex broke up with him and I think he had a bad experience with his ex when they broke up and so I really don't want to do this to him. By the way, I didn't know what he looked like when we started dating an online thing. Yes, I know I don't have sense.
Thank you very much.
I'm so pleased that you added that so that when I say it, it will not be as if. But please, I'm coming. Your second is behind you. So I just want to add the two of you. FK's migraine. You have migraine.
Huh? My favorite girls. I have a deeply shallow dilemma. I've been talking to this guy and he has started and he has treated me the best way any guy has ever treated me. One will think that this story is moving in a positive direction.
I genuinely feel like he's one of my soulmates in all caps. But guys, he is just so ugly.
Guys, not only is he on the chubby side, >> what is that a crime? Wait, >> wait. Now, we were This is what was really going to offend me personally.
We're cutting and I felt his boobs and his fa man. I didn't know what to do.
I'm just saying that. Is it bad to have a big stomach? What should I now do?
>> When I close my eyes, the sexual chemistry is great. But when I open my eyes, man.
Ah, despite me being deeply unattracted to this guy, I want you to know that deeply is in caps.
Despite me being deeply unattracted to this man to the point of tears in front of my friends, he really cares about me and his actions don't make me doubt this one bit. He's kind. We go on proper dates. He's shiver us and he takes so many other boxes. But due to my very bad character, I've complained about how ugly he is to the point that I've allowed him to be disrespected by people around me. But I don't know. I don't want to do life without him. And I want to grow with him. So, please, what do I do? Can >> that's so cruel.
>> It's cruel and wicked. And you're also a thief.
>> Yeah. Big one.
>> You're a greedy goat. You treat me bad.
>> You are a greedy goat.
>> Good dates.
>> You're a greedy goat and a thief. That's actually what I want to tell you that this witchcraft to the point of tears when she when she clos the truth is I normally support women's rights and wrongs but uh >> no this evil this is not right and wrong again this is evil this evil serious uh so it's so horrible and what I don't like about both of these situations is the fundamental you know I'm managing them but I'm better than them.
>> Even though realistically you're with these people because nobody has seen fit to treat you like a sensible person. So how much better can you be than them? It is a horrible thing to be forming that you like somebody while at the same time like being disgusted by them and then also telling people that you're disgusted by them. Like are we is everything okay? And it is a cruelty that if they did it to you now and you right here, we still insult them. So the truth is this is criminal activity. It's actually terrible. It's terrible. The two of you are bad people.
>> And I want you to know the problem you're having is that you don't want to be seen as bad people. But I need you.
They don't mind being seen as bad people. They're just enjoying the benefit of somebody's >> attention. Eating your cake and having it like you're just you want their attention and all that. Even though you don't even wrote the people that you are with.
>> Even this thing they wrote like as they were writing the line >> supposed to make them feel good. Like I'm so he's just >> oh my god he's so I'm not attracted to him at all but like I still want to spend all this time with him. You're just enjoying the attention and it is wickedness.
>> It's actually cruel.
>> How can I cope with being loved by an >> the first person the first babe that said oh you know his ex broke up with him. I don't want to do that to him.
What you're doing is worse, >> bro.
>> What you're doing is worse. I know that you believe that you're doing a public service to this man. What you're doing is worse. They can actually do better than the two of you. It's just a shame that they they don't know that they are with evil spirits.
>> See, it's very it is a very very cruel thing to be enjoying the benefits of somebody while mocking them, thinking you're better than them.
and be cruel to them. Also, if you think that all this thing of oh, I have to close my eyes and they don't notice, you are deceiving yourself because now you the second person I said you've said it so much that other people are disrespecting him and why do you want to do that to somebody like I don't >> I think you have a you you're taking advantage of taking he's in his low self-esteem era. Yeah, you are taking advantage of him. Because if you realize that actually actually actually actually actually actually there's a reason why you still here there things when he wake up when he wakes up it will do you like film you not go believe him. That's actually the truth. What I'm hoping that will happen here is that he will wake up one day and realize that actually this this is a witch and then he will leave your ass. then you now have to write back to us to say that despite the fact that you, you know, you're not attracted to him, you think he's this, you think he's that, he still left you.
So that really I wish I could, I wish I even knew the boy.
>> Yeah.
>> So I can tell him that weirdo behavior.
>> This Yeah. I'm sorry. This is not um this is not what we do here.
>> Yuck, >> my sis. This is not what we do here. And also for the first babe, if you're not attracted to somebody, h you need to leave them alone.
>> Like you actually need to leave them alone because this thing you're doing, you're just whining them. The the more time you spend with him, the guy thinks that there's something that you actually want here. Whereas you're constantly trying to convince yourself of how you can manage him. It's I look, I don't know how old you people are, but this is very r behavior.
>> Deeply so. I'm not into it. I'm not into it.
>> Shall we get into the question cards?
>> How do you want to do this? Okay.
>> No, just pick one. I'll pick one.
>> Hey, can we please?
>> What does the question say?
>> If people came with a warning label, what would yours say?
>> Screaming.
>> So sexy is dangerous.
>> When will you say that?
>> He say hot to the touch.
Yeah.
Buyer beware. Nar.
>> You just see her in small prince. She do usually do madness.
>> Actually, you don't know. I think it would just I think you would say that I'm very sensitive.
Fair.
>> Yeah, I'm quite sensitive. People don't expect me to be sensitive, which I find.
Someone said this to me yesterday that, "Bro, you're so sensitive." And I was like, "Yeah, I think you should have known this before now." Said this funny people are not supposed to be sensitive.
>> Yeah. Especially cuz if you're having Ber I'm like okay this is the line.
>> Yeah.
>> Literally yesterday someone said something and I was like this here if you pass this line this thing is not going to be funny anymore. This and he was like you are so as in every time we talk I'm like how I'm just like please please >> I think another another label warning will be imagination. I'm like mad.
>> Wow. Ah, I can imagine. I can dream.
Josephina, I can dream.
>> In fact, sometimes I struggle to to reconcile the lack of of seeing what I'm dreaming in reality >> because I don't to dream. I can hear the sounds of everything that big imagination. Um, but yeah, but in terms of like negatives, I'm very sensitive and I eat too much. you have to have a very healthy food budget to be in my life. But I think it's a sensitivity cuz it cuts across like all things. So it's like my work, personal relationships, friendships, romance, anything. I'm very very sensitive. Um yeah, I think that's okay. Hello boys and girls. Hello all.
Listen, you're already here. Exactly.
Look at where you've reached in this episode. You know that you're here and you're not you're not going anywhere.
You're going to go to the end. So why not subscribe?
>> Do the right thing.
>> Do the right thing.
>> Please, you know the things to do.
>> Why don't you do them? I don't know. I don't know. Thank you.
>> Thank you.
>> Bye.
>> This one says, "Oh, this is a cute question. Other than financial rewards, what have what else have you gained in your current work?"
>> Well, this work here.
>> Yeah. Benefit of the doubt. People think I'm a good person.
>> Yeah. I have a lot of goodwill. I was about to say that I have so much goodwill. Yeah.
>> Um from this podcast. A lot of goodwill.
A lot of like kindness in random places >> that I've not necessarily earned, but because of the podcast is just >> it has a bit of a halo effect.
>> It does. It It definitely has a a a positive mostly positive. Anyway, to be honest, the the negative halo effect is mostly in you people's comments. After that, after that, it doesn't I'm not joking. After that it has never affected me has never affected me in real life.
It's the truth. She insulted us in >> Are you serious?
>> Is Solomon stupid?
>> Is he want to talk >> with a stupid cap? I said make because of his wife.
>> Does he think we forgot if I should start?
>> Does he think we forgot you know his own time in the life please my dear please the way Fedora just free any other matter don't don't wound yourself. Also, we we've had like random opportunities that are so nice.
>> Yeah. Honestly, those don't make sense like by and large. You know what is funny is if we jump some but she will come and greet us.
>> I'm telling you. So, all these things are always so funny. I always bump into people that I'm like I heard that you said come to talk. No, now it was just that time guys.
But honestly, there's so much goodwill that has been earned from this and just like positive reception where it'll be in a random place or whatever where people are just kind of happy to see you, which is not a bad thing >> at all.
>> Um, it's not weird like it's not >> Yeah, there's it's it's mostly very very nice.
>> It is. It is. And so that that has >> it's just that we can't cheat now.
>> Yeah. Because they'll catch us.
>> They'll be caught. Yeah.
>> They will. That's actually a major drawback because also the kind of people we meet always say stuff like what are you doing here? And I'm just like babe you what are you doing here?
>> They see if any every man is always like >> they always thumbs up or I'm like my dear please come.
>> She's good looking. I thought what if he's my my boss? Are you crazy?
>> They are very weird.
>> But um No, it's interesting. What is this?
What is your instinctive reaction when someone or something hurts you? I cold >> shoulder.
Interesting. I will I My instinct is to No, I'm lying. My first instinct is to think I'm overreacting. I always gaslight myself first.
>> Yeah. Yeah. I always think I'm overreacting first because I'm aware I'm sensitive. So, I always think I'm overreacting first, then I go and think.
And unfortunately for me, cuz I'm like my dad, I'm hot, not bad tempered.
>> By thinking about it, by the I always 90. For me to bring up something with somebody, it means I'm like I'm hot. I'm really angry. Um, so I gaslight myself a lot into being like, >> "This is so interesting cuz my first reaction is not to you. I go and crash out to somebody else."
>> Immediately I start typing in all caps.
>> No, it's only if the person is in the vicinity that I'll get upset or they make the mistake of calling me at that time. Usually John. It's almost like he can sense when it's usually John.
>> Oh no. Me I go and interrupt somebody and I'm like right this is the time right now. We need to take some time out on this particular >> my instinct is cold shoulder to >> very interesting me someone is absolutely getting a voice note and also a very there's a lot of caps you know when I'm annoyed a lot of full messages because I'm like I'd rather crash out here fair enough than going to rants in front of the person because >> I think I'm doing I haven't gotten very angry in a long time. I'm doing a crash out very soon. Yeah, I just >> Nigeria is really taking it.
>> I carry it. I carry it to to that's a good way to work fast where someone else is like okay let like you need to calm down.
>> I feel like I'm like my dad. I'll go away and think about it but then I can get really really hot cuz I'm just for me I'm like if if that energy doesn't come out it's going to come out at the person but you don't in that moment you don't deserve anything from it.
>> Fair fair. you don't deserve any energy from me whatsoever. So even that I've stopped doing all those things where you I will still confront it later but that thing of like raw emotion of immediately just no you don't need it.
>> Okay, fair. All right, up next.
In what ways are you like your parents?
Um I think for good my mom will make anything happen in this life. I think for good I have taken that from her for sure and my family members. Let me think what else.
We like enjoyment like I I read deeply into I the message I saw from my mom this morning was the eagle has landed in Santorini. I said great. How how lovely and exciting for the ego. Um I think that I'm trying to think of like for bad maybe what it is.
I don't know. I I I think I'm very like my parents. It's unfortunate in I mean it's good and it's bad, but a lot of the the best things about them I've carried.
A lot of the worst things about them I've also very much carried. I don't think we're we're very different from my dad, but me and my mom are actually too similar. It's kind of problematic.
>> Yep.
>> Yeah. So, unfortunately, what that means is that we end up bumping heads a lot because we're both like I think you should listen to me and we both have our reasons. I'm like, and I just know that this is not going to end in in in in this way. So, yeah. What about you? Um, I'm a bit optimistic.
I think my my dad is can be quite an optimistic person.
Um, she's good. I have my I also have my dad's sense of humor which is nice. How am I similar to my I have my mommy's face which is good.
I don't think color's face would have done well on a So, shout out to my mommy for winning that battle in my adulthood.
Um, what else? I'm very um friendly.
>> Yeah, my dad used to be he's still quite social, >> but not in the same way. Social in a pastoral way now, >> but I'm very very I gather people can talk to anybody.
>> Yeah, that's very easy for me. Like I make friends and I make good friends easily. Um, so I think that's those are the good things.
>> I think hosting I take it from my mom loves your mom paper.
>> I think that's about it. Then the negative stuff quick vex like my dad.
>> Um, quick vex.
>> What else is negative? I really like my parents. So I don't know. I can be very My mom can be very Oh my god. She gets an idea in her head. Nothing you won't tell her.
>> Yeah.
>> Even if it ends in sorrow, she doesn't care. she has done what she wants to do.
I think for me the not negative thing but my parents don't don't really understand me that much >> and so there is a they have a thing of well like it we don't need to and I'm like no problem we'll be we'll be here so this is a random thing okay let me choose which color have I not chosen this is yellow what's the best you mistake you've ever made and why >> you tell me >> best mistake mistake. Okay.
I don't think I have luck that I make good mistakes.
>> I moved to Lagos by a mistake.
>> Oh, okay. Okay, fair. And it was supposed to be a break. I remember that.
>> That worked out. So, that that was probably the best. I mean, not not that this place is great. It's not. But it worked out. Net net. Moving to Lagos was a mistake that that panned out. I would say best mistake I've ever made.
Uh, I know there's one fool somewhere hoping that it will be about him. It can never be.
>> I know the f is about him.
>> It can never be.
>> I see where we ended.
>> It can never be. Nothing best about that mistake.
>> I've never I'm trying to think of the way I think of mistakes is like there's no positive.
>> There's nothing like there's nothing like best out of it.
>> Best mistake. Best mistake. I kind that's the only thing I can think of all the other mistakes. No, no, no. There's there's no best. There's nothing good coming from that place.
>> Yeah. I don't think so. I don't think so.
>> Yeah. Okay.
Would you rather win a million dollars or earn a million dollars? I've said this thing. I'm winning the lottery. Of course, I'd rather win it. I would rather earn it. people. There's some people that have this like that have a thing about so some people have a hangup about earning money versus like being given or winning money. Whereas my dream >> my dream is to wake up one day to money that I didn't earn. I just won it. It is actually what I wake up hoping that I will just inherit.
They will give me. Do do you know all these stories that one person that I greeted one time last year >> they don't have family member they just remember that this girl was a lovely girl >> what a lovely girl I've left all my possessions to her turns out they have property >> I can't I I don't know any Nigerian young Nigerian who would rather earn a million dollars >> honestly what who has you know what it takes to earn a million >> let me tell you the pride of that thing is shortlived >> it's shortlived let me tell when two of us look at that million dollars in our account. There's nothing you can tell me. Oh, you worked for it.
>> And he buys the same thing anyway. So, >> guru, I'm sorry. I just I would rather win it every time. There's even no unless it's like a And the thing is you're talking about winning, not stealing.
>> Not stealing. Yeah. I'd rather >> unless it is a bad thing. I would rather not work for the money. I just don't understand. I really a lot of people have this thing of place of pride of like, you know, dignity in labor. I don't have it. Do you think stealing from a thief is bad?
>> All stealing is bad. But from the thief, like this is what they call juro council.
>> The problem is that you steal from a thief. Anything you see there, you take it like that.
>> That's that I don't like dangerous games. Yeah.
>> Do you think it's a victimless crime?
Like stealing from a thief?
>> Yeah, it's a victimless crime completely. Okay, >> great.
>> I I wouldn't advise you.
>> No, no, no. It's just something I always >> for somebody to be a thief, they have little to lose. And so I just I wouldn't advise that you steal from somebody who has already stolen.
>> Yeah, it sounds like a losing battle.
Okay, red.
What do you have absolute faith in?
Um, outside of like >> No, please.
>> Yeah, I guess outside of please. No religious answers, please.
Um, my ability to make something shake.
>> Yeah, I was going to say my ability to carry on. So, no, it's not even the carrying on. Like I I fully believe in my creative ability. Like I can I can conceptualize like a really good I have really good ideas. Yeah. Me my thing is less even less so absolute faith, my ability to conceptualize more so my ability to be fine. Okay, I will land on my feet. No matter how we start this thing, I will absolutely last last I will certainly land. So like it is just a a turbulent situation in the middle. I also have I don't know if it's absolute. I know the question is absolute but I'm very confident in what because of the way the his consistency I can tell you for a fact what my father will and won't do.
>> It's very very difficult for somebody to convince me that he did something he >> you can if you tell me a range of things I'm very confident in what color will do and what he won't do which is because the rest of us in the family you can't do that.
>> Yeah. I can't say the same.
>> Yeah. Yeah. You can't say the same. can say >> as for that one >> my is the most surprising person I know >> you can set the and my mom can also be a very surprising woman so even with a small thing you'll be shocked that she just said that I don't really want to do that but my dad is quite steadfast so >> I'm not sure that there's anyone in my family that will not shock me >> um interesting >> what do you want to know about someone that you've been scared to ask here I would tell them no me. I do usually ask.
>> Yeah. So, what do you want?
>> No, what I'm saying is that most things I've wanted to know about people, I've asked them.
>> There's somebody I want to know how he made his money.
>> Oh, okay. Good. That is a great question.
>> I have asked somebody that before.
>> No. He's like my father's peer.
>> Oh, no. No.
>> So, I can't So, you can't ask.
>> No. So, I think with this question, most people that I want to know things about them, >> I'm very nosy.
>> Yeah, >> I do. I MEAN NOT IN A I WON'T just walk up to you and say but like I will ask if if we are in a context that >> where I can there are a lot of things people wouldn't ask and I'll just be like oh so like as in why like what's >> what's I remember I asked someone how far with this and they were like do you know every most people are dancing around it they don't ask and I was like but that's what that was that what I'm talking about >> so like do how far what's going on with this thing. Um, yeah. I honestly, unless you're a stranger or like we're not friends or something where it'll be crazy for me to be talking to you, if we are in conversation and there's something that is like on my mind, even if it takes a while to get there, I'm going to ask.
>> So, I don't really have this particular hangup, I would say. Um, how do you imagine you spend your retirement?
>> I don't plan to retire. I'm going to become an alaga.
>> I don't think I'm going to retire. I don't have it in me. I've I've realized that I don't ever really want to be >> not doing anything >> not doing anything and I really enjoy doing creative work. So, it won't be at the same scale.
>> But you Yeah.
>> But it will just be a different type of career. So, maybe I'll finally be brave enough to become a writer or something.
But I'll treat it as a It won't be a hobby. It'll be a career, >> but it just be a much lighter load. But I just accepted I'm like my dad. I just don't think >> I enjoy what I do. Or maybe I'll finally be able to I'll stop being so afraid to own like a shop.
>> Yeah. And just do something and just do something interesting cuz my grandma still works and she will like till the last funny random I was having a conversation. You guys please this is just so random cuz I saw someone not even at me talking about um Sego Gayes and they spelled it S E G O. My grandma is Sego of Sego Gil. It's S A G O E Jo. That's S E G O people are calling is a Chinese product. So it's not the original is in Yaba. It's not the original >> and they say go as in the surname. It's not it's not like a a fancy brand. It's actually Anyway, what I realized though is that is us that has not told the story and so I'm going to fix that. But yeah, my grandma is still selling fabric on a day-to-day basis angel at at her big age of 84, but I'm going to retire and become an alaga.
So, this is my like absolute plan because I would just love to be outside, but like for a reason. I just also love how brazen they are about collecting money. They have an offering basket. I would love to have an offering basket.
>> Mind you, you already paid them. you've already paid and it's just I love it. So also they say the most ridiculous why are we singing who is in the garden but I feel like I will you know this is my calling and so shout out to brides of 20 50 something.
>> Okay, one widely accepted belief needs to be dead and buried.
>> You don't owe people anything.
You owe them like mad. I hate that thing. I really actually dislike it a lot. This Oh, you don't owe. There are so many people you owe things. You You even can't believe how much you owe. You are even in debt.
>> Mhm.
>> You owe people. You are actually in debt to so many people. Like there is there is and and it's not even from an entitlement place of you have to give this person. You cannot tell me you're friends with people, you're in a family, you don't there's a basic duty of care like there there are bare minimum things that you owe people in your life and I just don't like this thing of you know anything that is kind of for yourself is justified because you're putting you first. No, not that you shouldn't put you first but like there are people you owe things.
Not everybody, not random strangers on the internet that you don't know, but people in your life that mean something.
You actually owe them things. And I don't think it's crazy when they expect those things of you. Now, we're not talking about crazy things. I'm I'm mostly talking about basic courtesy, basic decency, basic showing up. Think showing up is inconvenient, but like things like that. You owe a lot of people these things. And I just it is confusing to me that I guess as people become more individual and let's let's assume it's from a good place of like self-preservation there is this thing of oh you don't really owe anyone anything like as long as you are good and I I think it is a lie.
>> Mhm.
>> So if you want to ruin your relationships you can go about saying that you don't owe anybody anything but frankly you're in debt. So this is my speaking of owing people well the the belief I think needs to be dead and buried is that's how things are done.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Also >> as somebody who has built a career where nothing is done in any way. I promise you there is order and there is truly like a pattern of behavior.
>> But I find that that's often used in the most negative connotation every single time. That's how things are done. Once people are able to colonize your mind or close your mind to asking questions, finding opportunities and I don't mean finding like an illegal way, dishonest way, but figuring out how to make something better. Once you start hearing that's how things are done and you accept that you are on a downward spiral. Yeah. See also this is how I am.
Um how you are is informed by things.
You became you became how you are like you you moved from somewhere. you shift all the time and so you this this thing of oh this is just how I am and I can't change I don't really buy it for a second most people are just can't be bothered to be different because it's usually not in like it's usually about about negative things that require change that you start hearing this is how I am >> so um before I I have an unsafe space okay I think this is my first DCSF before I get into my unsafe of the week. I want to remind everybody that this is not your pastor's podcast.
This is not an inspirational platform.
This is not >> okay. You don't find us inspiring >> at all. This is not where you abdicate your personal sense and start getting angry over what somebody else has said.
Having said that, my unsafe space is um that my sister, we both know your love language is not words of affirmation. He doesn't have money.
He doesn't you don't like any word of any. You don't like it.
>> Can I tell you what's crazy about this?
My love language is absolutely once finished.
>> He doesn't have money and he can't [ __ ] So, you have to see another thing. So, so what can you say?
You are beautiful.
Good day. I could not sleep. I'm thinking of you. BECAUSE IF YOU SAY what you really want, he can't do it for you.
So, you have to readjust your expectation. Let's see.
>> This is a useless girl.
>> Girl is telling us our love language is words of affirmation. You believe >> the thing is my love language of affirmation inside. Oh, >> you you can't affirm me. You can't affirm me in my 12. No worry.
>> My so my own person of the week is Nigerian women actually very kind.
>> If you affirm me inside the context, it's good.
>> Mhm. That's my I saw something this weekend.
All right, H. You really like him, don't you? Because I know the real you. But you know the thing with with like love languages and whatever I just because the truth is if you only say words to me who are who are we whining so that means it's not really your love.
>> No I think the thing is that it is an order of things. Yes it is.
>> You can see that SHE'S CHANGING THE GO WHEN I SAID IT.
>> I'M NOT I'M having a broader conversation. I'm not talking about words of my love language is words of affirmation. If you do everything else and you don't have you as in you cannot express yourself to me it frankly will never work. I'm not joking. That say that say I'm not a thief. You must have money. Don't worry.
>> Hey, rich words of affirmation.
>> That is it. That is a bountiful words.
>> That is my face. So Lagos girls are really trying woman parro.
>> No, I don't think a lot. I don't think so.
>> Okay.
>> I think that some people please I'm with you people. Don't worry. Words of affirmation day. It's just that if you have only words, >> you can see them.
>> No. Now in life you can seem I don't agree. I think your love can be words of but anybody that has only one thing is a clown.
>> Unless you're a thief if your words of affirmation is gift and the your love language is gift and that's all they have. They don't talk to you relationship >> very much. So, do you know what it says to I don't have the words yet? You show me so much. Baby, I love you. A criminal so beautiful. I've never met a girl like you. When I'm sad, all I have to do is think of you.
>> You know, I love whining because it's so as in you're so different from other girls. How do you know?
>> I saw something and I thought of why you guys to buy it.
>> No, but you see, you're missing it. I'm not missing it.
>> It is when they buy that they they write that they thought of you and how that's what I'm saying. It's normally attached to the words is normally attached. See here attached.
You don't know. Yeah. You don't know ball. And that's just the challenge I have with you.
>> You people don't allow anybody gaslight you.
>> You don't know ball.
>> My fellow ladies, stop allowing people gaslight you. I know what you mean when you say you you >> ladies enjoy romance. Let them whine you with words of affirmation but just in a context.
>> I didn't say word is not good. It's just that I know you and you are lying me.
>> I don't say you.
>> Okay.
>> I know her. She's lying. Legos girls words of where affirmation. Okay.
Anyway, when do you feel most vulnerable?
Um, when they warding her.
When do I feel most vulnerable?
I mean, when you have to like be super honest in a way that you don't know how the when I'm most vulnerable when I have to when I don't know how the other person will respond, >> but not in like a confrontational way.
In a way where I'm saying something honest or I'm like revealing something honest about myself and I just don't know how it is going to be responded or how it's going to be received. Correct.
>> That's good.
>> That is it. So these are the issues at hand.
In what areas of your life do you have a hard time telling the truth? Look at it now. You normally lie. So tell us now.
>> When I feel like the other person will be very very hurt.
>> Okay. Fair.
>> Yeah. Not even upset. Anger. I don't mind.
>> Yeah. But I think I get very anxious when if I feel the person's feelings will actually be hurt.
>> And I care enough to not want that. or even worse if I know your feelings will be hurt and I'm not sure that anything is going to change. It's like to what end am I giving this information >> but yeah you go I'm not sure also my weight >> yeah actually that is that is actually you know what absolute fact once you start talking about my body it is as if I just not only can I not hear you anything you say the volume is 100 anything I'm just like I'm and the thing is once it starts becoming a conversation our body I am waiting for you to offend me >> and I'm waiting to latch on to not just the offense I already have the language about how you cannot comment on my body I have everything ready to go so I'm like just try me I'm coming >> and so the truth is that with things like that even people that have earned the right to speak it's a very difficult it's a very difficult line to to to I I'm not sure anybody has really done it successfully.
>> Fair enough.
>> Could come the shout I'm not blind. I can see myself and know what is this and what is that?
>> It's such a stupid conversation after I'm always I'm always just like this is why why are you doing all this? Okay.
They say you're fat. Good.
Like are you not fat? Like what's I'm always just like okay have you not put on weight? YOU HAVE SO WHAT IS ALL THIS that you're doing my sister >> very embarrassing >> but I must stand up and then person I'm telling me sorry I mean I not be thinking but I have put on and I told this person as a concern like now they've replied >> they reminded me when I said I went to forge and bought three cookies oh sorry how far your journey say the journey of waiters but this 11 p.m. We are here then I'm saying but you don't have a right to come in. Come on cupboard please. We just have to be serious. Like my friend called me that should we go for lagri the other day.
I was not like oh you know this one now and she goes oh but I thought like you wanted to exercise more. I said this I didn't tell people things. I stupid and so what if I share that with you? I must act on this.
Why should I be in in his studio outside my house at 7 a.m.
>> Even if it was still what are all these things? So anyway, it's it's a very sensitive one.
>> Yeah.
>> But um yeah, I think that >> should we do two more?
>> Sure. Um what is a deal breaker for you in a relationship?
>> U violence.
>> Yeah, I think violence. I I don't even know that I would say violence is a deal breaker because it's not even like we can't get there.
>> We can't like it's not even that we can't get there. It is like I think deal breakers are things that there is like a >> I don't know in my mind it is like a thing. So I won't say any of the obvious. So cheating violence >> I would say violence is not is it is it is it fair to life like there's there's no more relation there's nothing we're talking about is out cheating absolutely I sometimes >> the last time I said that you know it was it was funny because I was made to feel like >> you're being childish.
>> Yes.
>> Yeah. That's what I was about to say.
our age people.
>> I was made to feel like I'm not mature enough >> to understand that things happen.
>> Yeah.
>> And I just said, you know what? Maybe maybe this is the case. But do you know why?
>> I need you to understand that it very much is a dealbreaker for >> Do you know why you're not being childish? Because it's it's not the other way around. Yeah. You can't cheat on him. Like it's not even in his mental like, oh, if she cheats, I'll forgive her.
>> Hear that I'm cheating on them.
>> Like it's over. It's done. Speak to me.
Yeah, there's not even conversation to break up. You just will realize that your number has been blown. You say you can't. You say you should not come inside the house again. Like there's no conversation to be had.
>> Yeah. I think that, you know, people will not say or whatever in a marriage, you know, and I'm like, I just need you to understand that it's um it's not going to work for me. I don't I have seen people come back. I don't maybe I don't personally, again, I've never been married. I don't personally. It is just a dealbreaker. That's just just what it is. There are a lot of things that I'm willing to work out.
>> That's not >> This isn't really one of them.
>> It do break outside of those type of a do break out for me is because of my personality type. Have you ever dated somebody that you realized like enjoyed you as a person thought you were fun and stuff but they didn't take you like seriously like on an intellectual level.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. So that's a big thing for me.
Anybody that doesn't take me that doesn't treat I don't know how to explain it like doesn't take my work serious doesn't take serious the things you do with weight doesn't have weight everything is like >> and I think a lot of Nigerian women don't know that thing >> yeah that this thing where he treats you like a borderline >> he thinks your stuff is >> you're like a child it's not funny >> all your stuff is cute and like whatever >> it's not funny because that's why it's supposed to be easier for you to drop your life to do things you're doing is like yeah nothing is just you all your little business just >> that your idea just interesting like you just play you just >> yeah someone that I don't think of it as anogu thing I think it's very insulting >> yeah so it's a big deal breaker for me which is often shocking cuz I I'm actually joking 90% of the time yeah except when I'm not >> what's always I think shock people is when I'm not joking I'm really not joking at all >> I was in nothing all of a sudden Nothing is funny. Um, yeah. I think the other major deal breaker I have is being irresponsible with money. I just I can't I I actually can't breathe. But but funny enough, I'm willing to work that out. You see that thing of cheating? I just >> No, thank you.
>> There's a way that you don't you don't rate me that I just I don't understand it. And like I rate people very highly who have tried to work it out.
Which friend would you call to help you bury a body and why? Well, I say the friend. I was about to say that the person I would call true true is not even a friend like an >> and I can't say his name. Me I know the friend >> because you ask me if I'm mad. I know the friend I'll call immediate and you know the kind of thing where they wouldn't even it would be after we're done.
>> They'll be like what is happening here?
>> They wouldn't even like pause.
It would just be okay. Let's sort this thing. I in fact immediately I've even called them. Yeah.
>> I can't say the person.
>> No no no no no. Please please please please. I don't want any people.
>> But if you mean the friend I can call to to look for good trouble or Okay. Okay.
Let me break it down. Let me break it down. Which friend would you call to follow you to go and fight somewhere?
>> It won't be you into >> No, it depends on the nature of the racking. There are some I will follow you. There are some I will follow you.
>> I know who I'll call to follow me to fight. Muy. Yeah, >> Moy is following me to even though they'll beat two of us.
>> Yeah, >> they'll be two of us, but Moy will back the she will throw hands with me. And as in they'll beat the two of us, stupid and bastard, but we'll be there.
>> Yeah, actually. Yeah.
>> Yeah. Yeah. I'm not close enough to call her to fight. But if we were, I would have called her to fight. Mo will back the beef 1 million%. She's nuts. And she's she's tiny. That's the thing.
She's very small.
>> That's why I said skinny as hell.
>> They were actually bit like a broom.
>> And the problem is as we approaching, she started insulting the person from the back.
>> She started insulting the person. SHE STARTED SHOUTING INSULT AT the person.
They will absolutely beat us. But like backing the beef like crazy. That's so funny.
>> Yeah, I think she's 100% the one >> who is a friend you call if you've done something bad. Not bad in like a criminal way like as in you've done something that is like I'm not supposed to do this kind of thing >> in the context of just any context.
>> No, no, because they are different context.
>> No, I don't mean I'm not talking about like real trouble. I'm just talking about ah this bad behavior.
>> Male or female?
>> Anyone?
>> Male Bulu or John? None of these. Whoever is whoever picks their phone first.
>> Probably John. Probably John. Female probably be you.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Probably female will probably be you.
>> Yeah.
>> Um or >> Yeah. That's about it.
>> Yeah. J will start lecturing me.
>> You know in this time you don't need anybody lecture.
>> You need somebody that will first laugh.
>> I don't need you stupid first. Oh my god. What did you Why would you do that now?
>> She doesn't ANYBODY SEE YOU.
YOU NEED SOMEONE THAT ALSO HAS BAD CHARACTER.
>> YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. You know.
>> No. No.
>> Okay. You caught your boyfriend cheating. You need somebody to follow you to go and insult the stupid out of his life.
Maybe you want to go carry your things from his house. You need someone to get there. First of all, you need someone to make sure that they don't want you.
Now you'll be too ashamed.
>> MAYBE HE'S GOOD AT WHINING.
>> I BEG YOU. YOU'LL BE SO ASHAMED FOR HER TO SEE YOU IN THAT CONDITION. You'll be too ashamed for her to see your face turning soft. No, you have to carry her there so that her look of disgust WILL REMIND YOU. WHERE WILL you carry your load? Let's leave this place. Debbie, actually Debbie, ACTUALLY I'LL CARRY ACTUALLY BECAUSE WHEN YOU WANT to start doing Debbie's face will be like ah WE CAME HERE WITH with her back. She just let me leave this. Let's leave this place. She all the she never liked about you. She now start saying it out.
Oh, >> yeah. Odo hates rubbish so much. She'll be so disgusted the entire first of all, she'll be annoyed that you called her for such a she'll be so irritated.
She'll be like, "Jala, you know I run a financial. You can't be CALLING ME FOR."
SO YOU ALREADY ARE shy that after I've called her >> so many oh >> I've never seen anybody more disgusted about that's who I'm calling if a match of go get from his house and I want to make sure and I I'm worried that when I get there once he starts talking >> so many because >> the you just be hearing look he's a freak >> yeah are you a freak you're both freaks then if you start getting stuff she just put in the group chat she's SHE'S ON FREAKISH BEHAVIOR. GUYS, you won't believe that this fool called me here.
You'll be shy. You'll be embarrassed.
Also, funny enough, if I've done something bad and my dad, that's so interesting. I think if he's a guy, if I've done something bad, oh, I'm actually calling pizza.
>> My dad will just be like, after all we've spent on you, >> this is where we've ended up.
DO YOU KNOW MY AGE? LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE MAKING.
>> NO, I'm calling pizza. Actually, the man that can also do this thing of packing my load from another man's house is Alex.
Is Alex.
>> You'll be too ashamed to tell me.
>> I won't. Do you know the truth?
>> I not even go with him.
>> I won't actually talk to the guy. Like when I get there, I won't even greet him because when I greet him because this is why you're in this stupid situation to say is how is it this boy to talk to?
>> Talk to you.
>> [ __ ] No, no, no.
>> It's true. Actually, that might be your best bet. No, because if I take Peter there, Peter will greet him. How far my bro?
>> I'M JUST SAYING BUSINESS.
>> I know how things are. So it happens and you'll be wondering that sorry it happens.
>> We have like lots of crazy >> Yeah. I might just get you know these things.
>> Yeah. So do you want to talk about what happened?
>> I'm just like are we here for what are we doing? John is a mediator. It's a terrible idea to take him.
might the funny thing is might end up mediating.
>> Yeah, I think so.
>> He will be strict but if he sees your face is turning soft when you get there he'll start trying to mediate between the two of you and then when you shout at him that why did they do that? I said but no be you be you say oh but why no you ask a question he answer you. SO I SAT DOWN NOW I SAID WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN THE TWO of you. Do you know who I can never take because they will get into a full-blown discussion with the band. SI would have left my packing. Come they discuss bro you any man she do no man no man but you said what you have done is you call her first >> I don't like guy we came here for something why you advising this stupid >> you don't tell me to boil rice you sure you eat ah no you will be embarrassed you will surely be disgraced but yeah I have different friends for different yeah public another person that will help me s yeah yeah >> what a lovely time there is no insult he will not hear about himself and that's how you know I've been telling her our secret has been on the podcast very good in this situation >> oh yeah >> parking load while she go to insult her >> yeah she wouldn't even greet him >> she would not even in fact when we were together she would not even have greeted him so now all of a sudden she won't greet him at all >> how wonderful this is so funny if you if you don't cheat but like let's say you cheat on your partner Mhm Who you call my father in heaven? I can't trust anybody.
I can't trust anybody. No, because I've never anyone that my my friends didn't think Jal, how did you how did you fool this person into being with you? You are a wicked and terrible soul. So the first instinct of all these idiots be like you that they already manager.
Can you see your life outside? I don't know. I'll call her Mono. I'll tell her Mono.
I'll tell her Mono first. That's the She might be the only person I'll tell cuz shame will not allow me go too far.
Calling pizza like mad again. I did.
>> I might tell them that >> they will insult me privately but >> or actually Chidra >> zero.
>> I'll tell Chidra who will also insult me in different shades of people.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Is it that you want to broke up? Are we going to lie?
>> Are we trying to lie?
>> Are we going to beg?
Are we trying to lie? Did they catch you? Are you calling me to beg? What is happening? I'll tell you there.
>> Or who is the friend where if you if you want like if you say actually a lot of my friends I think that if they call them that oh where is she? Is she was she said she was with you. Was she with you?
>> Most of my friends say yes.
>> They'll say yes without knowing why >> because I don't do that normally as well. So they will just they will code immediately that okay she's here.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> As a matter of fact as you speaking she just picked a cake. She just left.
>> She just picked her.
>> No.
>> She just picked her but I don't think like I don't know. It's only I have one or two sisters in Christ that won't do that. In fact like man I would rather cut the phones than me before you finish. She's in the bathroom now. No.
All right.
Just hold on.
>> Yeah. She'll call you back now. But yeah, just another exciting one.
>> Let me see. I'm actually going to look at them. Uh, >> this was fun.
>> Yes. Let's see.
>> A stupid question. We'd rather win than or earn $1 million.
>> Very useless and >> Legos.
Um, let me see.
What should we be doing? Save the planets for our grand.
>> Please drop it. Drop it.
>> Voting out a PC.
>> Bro, so that they can even miss planets.
>> GF. Uh, why are you playing it too safe?
My sexiness hot to the touch.
Why am I playing it too safe?
I don't know. I think I'm trying genuinely. Yeah, Jimmy, I'm telling you, I'm going through a lot. I'm telling you.
>> But funny enough, it's actually my career.
>> Explain that. It is actually my career.
It really is. I see people, I mean, I don't even mean this in a bad way, who have less reason to be bold about certain moves they make, >> doing things that I'm like, I thought about this. So, >> yeah. Yeah.
>> I was processing it. Meanwhile, this person are frankly deeply unqualified to do so.
>> I'm also and they're doing it. I'm also risk adverse so I get very anxious and yeah >> very worried as well.
>> I don't like things not working out. As much as people say you know failing is fine.
>> It's not it's not shame.
>> It's not easy.
>> It's a shame.
>> I've had one business fail already. I think I'm done like with >> with more experiences.
I think I'm fine. I think I'm absolutely fine. It's very painful. to this thing of oh try fail fast uh now you go fail fast don't worry I won't be there you fail fast let me know what happens after you don't be people say oh fail quick fail quickly you fail this no you fail then when you're finished you can let me know oh I had an idea okay I think that you know how like let me try and think you You know how you know let's say you order from like well okay Yelp basically >> I think there should be Yelp for people what do I mean and this is in different context but I think there'll be different Yelps for different context so there'll be like friend Yelp relationship Yelp now but there'll be different categories so for example and people there will be verified interactions so someone that is not your friend cannot read But there will be a way to know someone has not dated you or had any romantic or sexual interaction.
You cannot rate you. But then when you now see the person you can know their ratings.
>> So you meet somebody you know that he's challenging or effort level zero.
>> Sexual prowess zero.
>> Do you get by by the way for for the for you to get the best out of the relationship? We is he a wicked person 10 >> but for you to get the best one in the middle of for the Y review of the relationship one they have to do it in four phases so early on >> early on after and then like at the highest when you're very happy >> when you moved on. Yes. Yes. Yes. So how like at the happiest you are >> and then we take an average like so you have many things but it can't be too many like personality character like are they a kind person blah blah blah. Mhm.
So you'll not be able to see this person to their friends in relationship or family. Then you know you'll be rating all these things. I think people should have identifiers.
>> Oh that's interesting.
>> Like now like your business if someone wants to go into business with you they are very stupid.
>> You can have that.
Do not do business with them. Like they are book smart but they don't get sense.
Don't do business with them. Fair enough. You know, you have all these things.
>> Um, all this shock.
>> Yes. You have all these random things. I feel like we you would have friendship, relationship, maybe like career styles, business scale or their good teammate or whatever. And then what else can you have again?
What are the main things?
>> Not the main things. Not the main things. things >> like you know business/c career relationships and then you can see how people like have changed over time >> generosity >> yeah generosity you have a scale on generosity you have a showing up meter are you reliable can people count on you >> I really think that like it'll be cumbersome to do but I think that this this is a thing that could help when you meet new people >> 100% >> to figure out like you know.
>> All right, that was fun. If you guys are wondering, the cards are from I just found it at home.
>> This it's called Icebreaker.
>> Best Self Deeper Talk best self. And they have a journal.
>> I don't know how much they are, man.
>> They have a journal which I used to have that year.
>> Okay, if you've been if you've been watching, if you've been listening, I want to do something. And if you're watching right now, >> yes, there is something slightly different about the studio.
>> Something has been introduced. Something has been introduced.
>> This is a game of like where is Waldo?
>> Where's Waldo?
And I want to know >> if you've noticed it, you noticed it.
>> If you can see that anything has come, >> if you see anything different >> has come into the fray.
>> Can you let us know where it's from?
>> Let us know what you think and um >> who it is, >> who it is, you know, why it is >> what you think is going on, >> what's about to happen >> in this place. Very exciting stuff.
>> Oh my god.
>> Um excuse me. That's so crazy.
>> This is going on your rad so interesting.
>> This is going on your rad.
>> I actually thought something was happening, but I wasn't sure.
>> Why do Americans do that?
>> It's so like it's actually it's actually so funny talking in >> and then they drag the end of it. It's always like oh please.
>> Yeah, please. But yeah, guys, just let us know. We all enjoyed just like us like lying down in your bed and rating people's high fashion >> outfits from your boo boo. I really enjoy >> well the met.
>> Yeah, it's always a fun time. It's always a fun time to criticize other people's looks whereas I would not have known what I would have won there.
>> I know between me and Tish.
>> That was a fabulous time. I tell Sabi >> G. So let us know what you've noticed.
how many things you've noticed like you know you know where's world you have to cut anyway find name the number of I don't even know you know what I mean >> name number of items and tell us what you think is about happening >> what is going down >> I did my hair yesterday because I was feeling down >> do you like it >> yes it wasn't so it wasn't the color that I thought was coming but it already came and so I was like >> it's nice I like it >> I do enjoy it but it really changed my mood And this is what I want to to say to the girls that honestly if you do your hair, a lot of things are better in life. I'm telling you the truth.
Okay. Any other thing again? I don't think so. That's about it. Lovely. All right, guys. Thank you so much for rocking with us as usual. Like, share, subscribe, do all the fun little things.
Make sure you actually share your group chats with your friends and talk about different things.
>> Please do. Um, in this episode, I hope you go back and answer a couple of the questions in our comments if you're on YouTube and I think we'll have some clips on Instagram and if you're not on socials at all, you can just ask your friends the questions and see what they say. Um, all right. See you next week.
Bye >> bye.
This episode of I said what I said is brought to you by Carousel Networks. We are your host Femi FK Abu and Ja Jo. Our producer is Debbie Romeo. Our production associate is Ourelua Ani Baba. Our social media manager is Remu. Our cinematographer is Divine Nabuko. Our audio engineer is David Kenny. Our camera assistant is Abola Ulu. And this episode of I say what I said is sponsored by Busher and Smell of Ice.
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