Wednesday Night Live ~ 27/05/26: How to get 1000 subscribers in FOUR MINUTES! 😮

Added: 2026-06-03

[00:00:35]Oh, bloody [ __ ] How do you uh Where's the doings?

[00:00:51]Where is it? There.

[00:00:55]231.

[00:01:00]There we go.

[00:01:04]Oh [ __ ] better.

[00:01:28]Don't want anybody complaining. Oh, balls and bollocks.

[00:01:32]Oh, [ __ ] duda. Oh, disaster.

[00:01:38]Disaster. Oh, halt the live stream. I forgot to put the wine in the fridge.

[00:01:44]Oh, bollocks. Let's go and get a bottle out of Netti. Bear with me. I'll go and get a bottle out of Netty. That might be cooler.

[00:01:52]Buggeration.

[00:02:50]Yeah, it's not much cooler. What a silly ass.

[00:02:55]I've got a drop left ring yesterday. I didn't finish my wine again yesterday.

[00:03:01]This is worrying, isn't it? When I'm not having the proper level of wine.

[00:03:07]Oh god, that's going to be warm as Oh, I tell you what. Is there room in the freezer?

[00:03:14]No, not really.

[00:03:16]Oh, by nightmare of having a tidy freezer. Oh, put it in there.

[00:03:29]Turn the fridge up.

[00:03:34]Bloody warm wine. What's the world coming to?

[00:03:39]What is the world coming to?

[00:03:45]Well, this bit will be okay anyway.

[00:03:54]What a kathuffle. What a kathuffle. That noise is annoying me. Oh, come on. Let's get that.

[00:04:03]Oh, goodness gracious me. Good evening, darling hearts. And um how excited am I to be here with you. Um you don't need to answer that. It's a rhetorical question. I am incredibly excited. I have been clutching my little tinkle with the anticipation of this moment since exactly 6:41 p.m. earlier this evening. Much to the constonation of the people in the restaurant because we've been unexpectedly busy tonight. I can tell you that. And in fact, I have just told you that. Would you like me to tell you it to you again? We were unexpectedly busy tonight. Anyway, welcome, welcome, welcome. A very warm welcome indeed to yeah Wednesday I'd never pass a mini mental a very warm welcome to Wednesday night live and I am delighted and thrilled to bits at the prospect of spending the next community hour with you as we wave away Wednesday and we welcome in Thursday and we will be doing so in the company of our perennial and permanent pals our matching bird of his and hers. Highly powered hedgehogs of truth. Uh we are not being joined quite frankly by two10 tentington or indeed the net piss pot.

[00:05:25]They're both sulking on the shelf. Uh but Sean's box is here. Good old Sean's box. Where would we be as a community? A thriving community. Where would we be without the lovely Sean's lovely box?

[00:05:39]We'd be up [ __ ] pre. Oh no. Well, that's that's possibly an unfortunate turn of phrase when talking about Sean's box.

[00:05:48]Maybe not mention [ __ ] Creek. Uh, we would be up the stream without a paddle.

[00:05:54]That's where we'd be. Anyway, but we don't need to worry about that because Sean's box is present and correct. God, it's feeling a bit weighty. Um, it's obligingly assumed the uh pounding position and it's ready for a damn good thing, too. And we have got community portable electronic telephonic device upon which he could some would argue should I hope will and Ben just has leave a voice note for the delectation and indeed delight of your fellow bugs your fellow members of the incredum darlings. H yes indeed uh yes and of course should they be with us those most elite of the elite the damned elusive funny lick pair [ __ ] penny penny penny lane is in my uh the penny lickers now then I'll level with you I will level with you I can't wait to just pull your panties down pop you over my knee and begin the conversational spanking. But before we do that, before we do that, I'm going to have a goodly slurp of my beautiful chilled wine, which I'd better enjoy because I'm going to be drinking the bloody warm stuff, aren't I? In um in a few gulps. Never mind. This will be lovely. So, cheers, darlings. Your very good health. Bottoms up if you're lucky, lads. Up yours if you're not careful, ladies. Don't be taken unawares. keep your wits about you and most importantly of all keep your hands firmly on your happiness. But above all to each and every one of you with joy in my heart and integrity and sincerity trumping like a rogue bull elephant out of my rearward facing back bottom get stuffed and I'll just play some voice doings while I have my goodly slur. Oh, what's the matter with you?

[00:07:56]You stupid phone. Just show me the damn things. I own you. You're my phone.

[00:08:05]I sorry. Did that sound disrespectful? I mean, yes, you're a phone in your own right. You're not just my phone. You're a phone in your own right. I know you've got your own identity. Let's just check that.

[00:08:18]Hey, Siri, are you a phone in your own right?

[00:08:27]I'm Siri. I'm not your iPhone, but I'm glad we can use it to have these conversations.

[00:08:33]>> Oh, are you a person then?

[00:08:39]Have you buggered off?

[00:08:42]Oh, well, thank you, Siri.

[00:08:46]Nope, she's gone. Right. Well, s Oh, [ __ ] her to Hong Kong back. [ __ ] her.

[00:08:51][ __ ] her. [ __ ] her too. Hung back. [ __ ] her all day long. [ __ ] her all day long.

[00:08:57][ __ ] her all day long. [ __ ] her to Hong Kong and back. [ __ ] her all day long.

[00:09:03]>> Well, hello buddy. Hello. I can't be watching your show right now. I'm at work.

[00:09:07]>> What? I'm outside having a cigarette. I saw you were live and I was thinking of you at the same time. Amazing how that works. Gayar is a real thing and you are looking gay as hell tonight. Love it.

[00:09:21]Have a great show, buddy. Cheers, Ben.

[00:09:24]>> Oh, and don't tell me it was a good time. I'll pound that box, Bodie.

[00:09:29]Oh, yes, I will.

[00:09:35]>> Come on. Adopted.

[00:09:38]What's that?

[00:09:40]Oh.

[00:09:42]Oh, I must have inadvertently semi-recorded the doings, right?

[00:09:51]Oh. Oh, that's lovely. That's lovely.

[00:09:54]I'm dreading the warm stuff. I'm dreading the warm stuff.

[00:09:59]Is that fridge turned right up?

[00:10:02]Yes, it is. Well, it is now anyway.

[00:10:05]Right, let's put the binoculars on and let's see who's with us and what you've got to say for yourself. Uh, I'll scroll back as far as I can. First cab off the range that I can see is Carl of the Lockpick and he is followed in a blisteringly quick fashion by the one and only Mandy Mc26.

[00:10:27]Stratospherian also joins us at that point. Uh oh.

[00:10:32]Hello. Oh is Oh, there's a bit of flirting going on. Oh, there's a bit of Hello, love. Hello, love. How are you, love? I'm okay, love.

[00:10:49]You're right, love. Are you out, my love? Are you out, my lovely? I call you my loveliest, don't I?

[00:11:00]So, is that flirting? Well, in my case, yes, it is. I flirt with you all outrageously because one adores one. One absolutely adors one. And in fact, one would like to give one one.

[00:11:21]Right, buddy Brown.

[00:11:24]Um, right.

[00:11:26]Who else have we got? Right, we said hello to Yes, we did. Stratospherian, good evening. Um, Msa all the way from the north of Norway. Nor nilpa if you don't mind me saying so. Uh but of course Norway is a fantastic country, a fantastic country, one of the happiest countries in the world according to many studies. The same can be said of other areas of Scandinavia. Now Norway is quite a wealthy company. I mentioned last night that I had a Norwegian girlfriend. Her name was Monica. I met her in um the Mertton Hotel if memory serves which is in Jersey in I can't remember if it was in St. Helia or St. Bard's Bay.

[00:12:27]I think it's I think it's St. Helia.

[00:12:30]Think it's St. Helia. Anyway, that's where I met her. and she was a fairly she was from a fairly standard average Norwegian family in that they owned three homes. They owned their home home.

[00:12:46]They owned a place in the mountains where they skied and they owned and they owned a place near the sea.

[00:12:55]Now if you come from the UK I mean this is old information. Things might be very different now. I remember paying £5 for a cup of coffee in Bergen. And that was at a time when £5 was oh, I don't know. I mean, it was like the average wage for the average weekly wage or something like that. It seemed like an insane amount of money cuz I'm going back I'm going back 30 35 years, something like that. Um but of course because the then anyway because uh Norwegians earned so much more than us, they didn't think it was expensive at all. Uh I expect that they just thought that we were poor. Um and speaking of being poor, I'm going to have a very poor lunch tomorrow in that um not that it's a poor lunch. Um, except I suppose it is, but it's arguably a lunch that poor people might eat. Oh, here's a feature. Feature number one, poor lunches. What's a lunch that a poor person might eat that you eat out of choice because you think it's fabulous even though you are not poor cuz most of you aren't. I'm the only poor person in this community. I'm pretty sure of that. So, for lunch tomorrow, I'm going to have ham and coleslaw sandwich. I've got cold saw left over from the chicken drumsticks I had on on uh when did I have the chicken drumsticks?

[00:14:40]Tuesday.

[00:14:43]Tuesday. Yeah, Tuesday. Or yesterday if you prefer.

[00:14:50]And I've got my emergency ham in the fridge. This fridge suits emergency ham because there's there's a space that isn't a space, if you get what I mean. It's in between a shelfy thing and the top of the salad crisper thing. And it's not a space where you're supposed to put anything, but you could put ham where you can put ham. I have put ham. It's in there. Um, you could also put beef. Um, I haven't done that yet, but I will do. It's a great place to have emergency cold meat.

[00:15:24]It's not taking up a place in the fridge. Um that cuz you know I work with a small fridge. I well have no choice but to work with a small fridge. And interestingly there's a similar space in what I can only describe as the freezer. Um and that works perfectly for uh rotate. um a matching pair of his and hers highly powered rotors fit perfectly under there. And if you don't believe me, if you don't believe me, if you that boaty is talking pure shite again, I will demonstrate it to you.

[00:16:03]Look there. And it fits under there. Look.

[00:16:08]See, that's not Oh, you can't see, can you? Do you know what? I am determined.

[00:16:13]Can I get I need to get this wine in the freezer somehow cuz Yeah, that is not cold. What about if I No, that won't work. What about if I do that?

[00:16:30]No, that won't work. Oh, well, I could take you out cuz I'm having you for supper. Oh, if only I was saying that to a line.

[00:16:41]I'd love to have a line of smet for supper. Um, oh balls. Oh. Oh no. Uh. Oh, there we go. There we go. You'll just have to defrost a little bit.

[00:16:54]Right. That is the wine in the freezer.

[00:16:56]So, I can turn the fridge back down to a more sensible level. Might as well top my wine up with the tiny bit of cold wine I've got. Then I'm going to have to drink the bloody warm stuff.

[00:17:10]Oh, I'm so not looking forward to that.

[00:17:14]At least it's in the freezer now. Look, there you go. That's it. That's it. Oh, I've got some lunch wine that's chilled.

[00:17:26]So, I was going to have um Yeah, I was going to have that one lunchtime, wasn't I? And then I didn't.

[00:17:32]Oh, that'll be another glass of chilled stuff. And the other stuff can At least it's in the freezer now. We'll be all right, darlings. Look, I know it's suboptimal. I know that it's burging on an emergency situation, but we will get through this. Trust me. Have faith.

[00:17:49]Cling to the wreckage. We'll be okay. We will be okay.

[00:17:57]Oh, excuse me.

[00:18:01]Oh, I've missed a load of messages.

[00:18:03]Right. Stu's with us 69K. I'm here and I'm saying when I heard on the radio today that they'd found a cure for dyslexia, it was music to my ass. Well, there we are.

[00:18:16]The lovely Cory is with us.

[00:18:20]Uh Steg, good evening. Exactly. It shouldn't be so complicated, should it? Uh the fabulous Tonic 110.

[00:18:35]Um, oh, getting saucy now. Mandy love, should I book the same hotel room for Friday? Oh, now then. Stella Bingley is with us. A very good evening to you, my lovely.

[00:18:54]Uh, James, the James boy is here. Hello, mate. How's things with you? Uh, yes. So, I'm Oh, did I tell you? I forgot if I told you. Um, yeah. I'm having a ham and cold saw sandwich tomorrow with a packet of what what I can only call crisps. Ham and coles saw sandwich. Now, it's not super cheap ham.

[00:19:19]It's decent ham. It's not the best ham in the world, but it's not the cheap, you know, ham that you used to have when you went to your secondary modern school, uh, in your packed lunch that your mother made for you in your council house.

[00:19:36]Mind you, we had a breakfast bar in our council house. That's quite posh, isn't it? That's quite posh. I'm trying to think if I've had a breakfast bar in any of my houses, and I haven't. I've had an island.

[00:19:52]I've had two islands. Two homes have had an island, but I don't think I've ever had a breakfast bar. Feature number two, have you ever had a breakfast bar? And feature number three, what's that? Oh, I'm not interested in that. Don't interrupt me when I'm doing a live stream, please. Um, feature number three. Have you ever lived in a council house? And what did you like about it? And what did you not like about it? There you go. Features are flying out of me now. Captain Nemo is with us. Very good evening to you. He's got his clock out.

[00:20:30]Peter P. Hello, Sir Godfrey Tidbit. Good evening to you. I did. I got me clock out, didn't I?

[00:20:38]Must be cold. It's dressed up. I've got the heating on. I've actually got the heating on, believe it or not. I've genuinely got the heating on. How ridiculous is that? I left everything open. I left everything open cuz it's it's been another warm one today, hasn't it? Um and I was warm again last night.

[00:20:58]So, I left everything open and then the temperature has dropped a bit tonight and it was bloody freezing when I got when I got in here. So, I turn I've turned the heating on very very low um for a little while and also so it will dry some socks, handkerchiefs and knickers that I hand washed earlier today.

[00:21:27]Um, I'm getting into the habit now. You kind when you do van life, darlings, when you become well, I mean, I hope it never happens to you, but if you ever, like me, become destitute and homeless, if your life choices uh, or just sheer bad luck catch up with you and you find yourself cast on the side of life's highway. If you find yourself the lowest of the low, at the absolute bottom of the ladder, and all you can do to try and save your old body that quite frankly deserves better, if your only restbite from the cruel elements of the world outside is some kind of van or mobile dwelling that may or may not be mobile. Um, then if you find yourself in that situation, you will discover that water is the key of life. Water is the lifeblood of the van lifer.

[00:22:40]It's like snout in prison. Um, it's what makes the world go round and you learn not to waste water. And after yesterday where so I do my washing up, right?

[00:22:55]I do I I he does my washing up. I does my washing up like good boy. I does my washing up. I don't just leave part. I don't I don't leave. No, I don't. I don't. And I won't I won't have you saying that. I do. Um after washing my one of my work shirts, I have two, but one has a button that's broken in half.

[00:23:17]Um, so I don't favor that one. Uh, but after hand washing my work shirt yesterday, well, I did my washing up this lunchtime and uh I do my washing up in the caliber. I could go to the facilities and do it. I used to do that. Can't be asked. It's just more convenient.

[00:23:40]Although it does mean that you're using bloody water, doesn't it?

[00:23:47]But anyway, um so um I did my washing up, washed it, blah blah blah blah blah, clean this thing up, and then I rinsed it. Uh but when I rinsed it, I did the same again.

[00:24:01]I put the plug in the sink, rinsed it all, put it out to dry and thought, well, I've got a sink full of water now.

[00:24:08]Might as well wash my socks, my knickers, and my hankies. And that's what you I mean it probably sounds like a dreadful way of life to you and of course you would be completely correct.

[00:24:21]The the way that we deal with these things as we all know is that somewhere in your dressing room there will be a laundry basket or laundry hamper.

[00:24:34]You discard of your um uh of your soiled clothing in the laundry hamper stroke bin and your staff or um well yeah probably your domestic staff cuz you've all got money, haven't you? Uh they will deal with the laundering and the items will appear as if by magic in the correct drawers in your dressing room study or indeed budoir. But when you're the lowest of the low and you've hit rock bottom in life like what I have, um then you you find that you have no dignity left and you you it suddenly becomes acceptable that you're standing washing your terribly stained, skidmarked knickers uh in the sink where you're also washing your wine glass and your cuddie bowl.

[00:25:32]And yes, you do think, "Oh, dear God, how has it come to this?

[00:25:38]H how could I have sunk this low?" But then you think, "Well, at least I've got clean undercrackers." And I haven't wasted the water. So, you know, you just have to deal with the hand that life gives you. You might not like it. It might not be what you would choose. You might even think that it's unfair. But what can you do? You can only play the hand that you're dealt. And wishing that things were otherwise is just an exercise in making yourself unhappy and discontented.

[00:26:16]Life is not about having everything that you want. It's about loving what you have. Even if what you have is an appalling life where you are homeless and washing your underpants in I mean it could be worse. At least I'm washing them in my sink. I could be having to go up to the facilities and wash them in a public sink. Although arguably that might be more savory and you know whilst my underpants in the sink that every I wonder I'd pro I'd get kicked out wouldn't I? What would happen if you were caught by the ward by the screws?

[00:26:58]What would happen if you were caught in the communal or communal if you're American or something else rather awful? Um, imagine if you were caught washing your underwear in the dishwashing facilities in a caravan and motor home club site.

[00:27:17]Um, I mean I imagine that you would be banned. Your membership would be rescinded. But what they would really want to do, the powers that be, the screws, what they would really want to be would be to horse whip you, put you in stocks and allow the non-agenarians.

[00:27:37]And I'm not getting I was taken to task over this. I was taken to task over saying that everybody in a California Motor Home Club site is in their 90s.

[00:27:49]Obviously, that was an exaggeration. I said it for effect. In truth, there are several many there are many many many caravan and motor home club members who are stripplings in their 80s. And what the screws would love to do would be to put me after I was caught washing my underpants in the dishwashing facilities in stocks on the site and all of the oxygenarians could throw rotten tomatoes at me from the comfort of their own palatial motor homes. And good on them, they've made they've made the correct life choices.

[00:28:35]So, they're just spending a week or two here in their palatial motor home.

[00:28:40]They're not living here and washing their underpants in the sink. So, I think we've all learned a valuable lesson there, haven't we? Uh, who else is with us, I wonder? Um, bunga bunga party. Oh, here we go. First complaint of the evening. The on air sign is too bright. Oh, you're behind the curve. Other people have complained about that. Um, please don't say the word warm, says Sherry. It's unbearable here. Uh, I want to just add to what I commented on. Oh, I might have missed that, Sherry. I was uh I was whiffling about and may have missed a looking more dastardly with that bum fluff boating. Oh, well, give it time. Give it time. Actually, I'm getting a bit bored with it. Uh, oh well, I hit the wrong button, say Sherry, and no climax yet. Oh, bad luck.

[00:29:44]I said I had a story about Fatty Soap, which I was shocked to see in your video. The only reason I know that name is because and then it ends. Oh, are you talking about the thumbnail for tonight's video with fairly liquid mild green?

[00:30:04]Fairly liquid.

[00:30:12]Yeah, we know what fairy means. Uh well, we certainly know what fairy means. Um over there Simone joins us. The lovely Simone hooked on classics. Did it again say Sherry. But I will finish now. My mother long ago mentioned fairly soap to me. It was not around even when I was even when I was whatever age.

[00:30:44]And one day I found an advertising poster for Fairy Bar Soap and I bought it. Well, well done you. Well done you, Sherry. Um, when it comes to soap, I'm all about the fanny. I'm all about the fanny. I've got so much fanny in um in my bathroom there in Roger's West Wing.

[00:31:07]West Wing. Oh, hang on. Let's try and work this out. Let's do this sensibly.

[00:31:12]Which way is Rajabati facing? Um, okay. So, uh, hang on, let me think. So, that is south. That's north. The south wing. The south wing. I think I think the bathroom is in Roger's southern wing.

[00:31:32]I might stand to be corrected on that.

[00:31:39]Oh, Mark's walking blog has to bugger off because Wells is being hammered by lightning.

[00:31:45]Oh, I wish I was back in my old cottage.

[00:31:48]I miss Slanor. I'll be honest with you.

[00:31:52]I miss Senor and I won't talk about that anymore because I will get emotional.

[00:31:57]Toad stool 123, a very good evening to you. Angela, hello. Pop 57, the lovely Pauline. Pinup Pete. Blimey. Hello.

[00:32:09]Sean is with us. So very good evening to you my friend. Uh exactly. Bunga bunga.

[00:32:16]Please send all complaints to Bod's complaints department where they will be promptly ignored. Complaints department address.

[00:32:25]Stuff your complaint up your ass. PO Box 45 somewhere in Darbisha.

[00:32:31]Absolutely correct. And yes, you can all shove your Oh dear.

[00:32:40]Bye says Carl of the Lockpick. Us Manchester Blo usually calls females love. You're out love. Are you out? Are you out? You going down, Bingo? Are you going down, Bingo?

[00:32:57]Oh dear. I imagine there are weather spoons in the ara of Manchester.

[00:33:07]I don't know why I said that. Appropo of nothing.

[00:33:11]Oh, ke on one. Good evening. Corn beef hash. Right. I think that's replying to the um dishes that poor people might eat that you eat even though you're not poor because you think they're quite nice.

[00:33:25]And corn beef hash. Right. What about beans on toast? Beans on toast, that's something that um poor people might eat.

[00:33:34]I've eaten beans on toast twice in the last 10 days and I'm poor. So that is definitive proof. But I have also eaten beans on toast when I've not been poor. So there you go.

[00:33:49]There is a prime example. Oh, right.

[00:33:52]Feature number six.

[00:33:56]I shall unleash unleash the economist in me. You're not allowed to Google this.

[00:34:02]If you Google it, I won't know that you've cheated, but you will. And you've got to sleep with yourself and look yourself in the mirror. Right.

[00:34:13]Quiz community quiz. What is a gifan good? G I fen g o d. two separate words economically speaking. What is a gifen good? What is the definition of it? And give an example of a gifen good, please.

[00:34:37]Right, go for it. I bet you will cheat.

[00:34:40]I bet you will cheat. I bet you anything that somebody will answer that and they will have cheated.

[00:34:47]I bet you.

[00:34:51]Anyway, um, oh, Bunga Bunga Parte says, "Spam fritterani, a poor person's lunch."

[00:35:02]Gosh, is that really a thing? Peter P says, "Norway is one of the most expensive countries in Europe." Danfango is weighing in with a jam sandwich for a poor lunch.

[00:35:16]Um, jam sandwich. Yeah. Oh god. Has anybody ever had a a sugar sandwich? I never had one when I was a child. Um, we never Yeah, but I believe it was a thing. Has anybody ever had a sugar sandwich?

[00:35:39]Oh, James, of course you call girls and women hen as a term of endearment.

[00:35:43]You're right, Mary Hen. We all know that. We've all seen grine bit. A pot noodle stash, says Bungabang Partatee. A sure sign you've hit rock bottom and need to be sent an uh an emergency red cross parcel. But pot noodles are expensive.

[00:36:00]I would gladly have a pot noodle stash.

[00:36:03]I would gladly have a pot noodle every single lunchtime. But to me, pot noodles are a luxury cuz they're 140. Who the [ __ ] can afford 140 on a lunch?

[00:36:17]pot n right feature number six are pot noodles still a luxury uh uh a poverty food are they still a poor person's food or are they as I would suggest a food for the rich idol students with wealthy parents who can't be asked to cook poor people can't afford a afford pot noodles £140 on a lunch.

[00:36:52]That is not a poor person's food. Have I got a pot noodle at the moment?

[00:36:57]I was thinking I should have one in netti and Oh, I have actually. I have got one. I need to pop one in netty for Monday cuz I've just got this weird feeling that Monday could go all sorts of tits up.

[00:37:14]They're branching out on their own now.

[00:37:17]They have poo pooed the campsite that I have selected and they're looking for another one and I just know it's going to go tits up. I know it's going to go tits up. It'll be amusing though and I'll film it.

[00:37:34]It'll be content if nothing else. Right, it's about time for an intermission and I'm pretty sure there's a voice note.

[00:37:41]So, let's happily combine the two, shall we? Let's have an intermission and indeed a voice note.

[00:37:51]>> Hi, Bo. I hope you are well. Sorry, no poem today. Just a plain and simple.

[00:37:58]Can you please bound that box on my behalf? Thank you.

[00:38:03]>> Oh, I certainly will. Oh, go I would I thought I'd have a poem then. I thought I'd have a bit of an intermission.

[00:38:10]Oh, okay. Well, we'll postpone the intermission until a co-host calls in.

[00:38:17]Let's pound the box.

[00:38:23]Right. One box. Well, first call. And it's getting a bit of weight to it now.

[00:38:29]Can I see?

[00:38:34]Oh, there's still plenty of room. We're a while off it being full yet. One bucks. Well, per one pound. There it is on the behest of Curry. 3 2 1 Wallop in it goes.

[00:38:47]Actually, I'm going to have a very quick intermission.

[00:38:51]Oh, there he is. My lord and Savior.

[00:38:54]That will be it is. It is. He's such a legend. He's such a legend. Thank you, mate. I can happily now leave you in the hands of my regular co-host and minister for interruptions who will entertain you over the next 90 seconds while I have a much needed intermission.

[00:39:18]Good evening and uh Tonic. Oh, hang on.

[00:39:22]Let me do it properly.

[00:39:25]>> Tonic, it's over to you.

[00:39:29]Oh, thanks.

[00:39:33]I don't know that entertain people, but uh yeah, I was just making a sandwich and heard you say I know you're waiting for Paul.

[00:39:40]>> Oh, what's in the sandwich?

[00:39:42]>> Uh it's going to be ham.

[00:39:45]>> Oh, I'm having ham tomato. What else you having on the sandwich?

[00:39:49]>> Nothing. Just ham. It's It's that is that like old whole old ham. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[00:39:55]>> And all the stuff that comes in tin with a load of jelly around it. Oh god, how dreadful.

[00:40:02]>> It's nice, mate.

[00:40:04]>> All aspect.

[00:40:06]>> Oh dear. Oh, right. This is what >> Oh, well, you see, you see, I'm a poor person.

[00:40:12]>> Oh, you bulls.

[00:40:17]>> I know what you spend on your car, but even so, you're still not poor. Right.

[00:40:21]That's my ham. That's what I'm having tomorrow. Uh, and probably the day after. That's my emergency ham with cold.

[00:40:29]>> Oh, I've had that for the past two nights there. But yeah, just before I go to bed, ham sandwich.

[00:40:37]>> That stuff, the Drury Lane ham that sainsburries do is really good value if you shoplift it.

[00:40:45]>> Yeah, if you shoplift it. Get out and have your scented candle, will you?

[00:40:49]>> Yeah.

[00:40:55]Oh dear.

[00:40:58]Oh, what's going on? Anything? Nothing.

[00:41:04]Who? Who? Who can I pick on? Who can I pick on?

[00:41:09]Matron. Can I pick on Matron?

[00:41:12]>> It's Matron here.

[00:41:15]>> Yeah.

[00:41:19]Yes, you I pick on you if you want me to.

[00:41:25]Well, I can't pick on you, Ste, and mate. You know what I mean?

[00:41:30]>> Mind you, I suppose I still could.

[00:41:32]>> Yeah, you pick on me.

[00:41:34]>> Yeah. Oh, first he says to feel free and pick on her if I want. Yeah.

[00:41:44]>> Need a nipple. Yeah. I don't think I'm ever going to live that down, am I? Ah, >> free the nipple. Come on and free the nipple. It's time to free the nipple tonight.

[00:42:01]>> Bloody hell. I don't know. I don't I wish I' never done it. Bloody hell. Only did it to please Tracy and Emma.

[00:42:09]>> Oh, don't talk to me about pleasing Tracy and Emma. Very difficult to do simultaneously.

[00:42:22]Tracy says it's my fault always.

[00:42:26]What can it be? I'm so innocent. I can't be a fault.

[00:42:30]Now Peter's blaming me.

[00:42:36]Says the woman who almost got us kicked out of the Premier Inn by being stupidly noisy at 2 a.m.

[00:42:42]>> Oh, when you got a knock on the door.

[00:42:44]>> Oh, yes.

[00:42:51]And all the pictures seem to be in a different position when you left to what they were when you went in.

[00:43:00]>> It's a force of nature that woman and a bosom.

[00:43:05]>> Oh no, Emma.

[00:43:09]Now Emma's calling me big daddy, Minister of Nipples.

[00:43:19]Ask Emma if she'd call that if she'd call me that next time she stays with me. I'd quite enjoy.

[00:43:25]>> Oh, I think Emma heard that. Yeah.

[00:43:34]Thought he's jealous, Emma, because you're not you're not uh admiring his nipples.

[00:43:39]>> I just want to be called Big Daddy.

[00:43:42]>> Oh, you just want to be called Big Daddy? Oh, okay. Big daddy. There you go.

[00:43:48]>> Ideally, not by you, but what the hell?

[00:43:50]I'll take it.

[00:43:51]>> Yeah. Well, hey, take what you can get, mate. Bloody hell.

[00:44:00]>> Oh, that's better.

[00:44:05]Oh, dear.

[00:44:07]Oh, Emma says WTF wants me to call in Big Daddy.

[00:44:20]And WTF of course stands for wedge that finger.

[00:44:26]Something that >> I'll drop >> Emma will often instruct you to do. So of So I've heard. So I've heard. It's only conjecture.

[00:44:36]I >> I'll drop the call. Yes. So you can get on.

[00:44:38]>> Thank you, buddy. Really appreciate it.

[00:44:41]>> Okay.

[00:44:46]Uh, right. Let's get back to the comments, most of which I've missed. Heck of Truth, when was the last time you had an alcohol-free 24 hours? Uh, about a month ago. Um, um, Steph, good evening. Steph used to make a corned beef hash pie. By get an ice bucket. Where would I keep it? I live in a tiny bloody caravan. Uh Josh, good evening, Josh.

[00:45:21]Cole slaw on a sandwich. Well, do if you must. Look, I've got ham. I've got coleslaw. It's It's going to be a thing.

[00:45:29]You know, you you have to you have to make do and mend when when when you're on your uppers. And trust me, trust me, I had to do the drive of shame this morning. I had I knew it was coming. It didn't come as a surprise.

[00:45:48]I had the text message of doom when I woke up. They do it. They send it first thing. They send it first thing. I had the text message of doom from the bank.

[00:45:59]Um, dear boaty, you useless fat wanker.

[00:46:02]You [ __ ] skint again. We can't pay this. We can't pay that. For [ __ ] sake, get your ass to the post office and bloody. So, I've I've had to do the rush to the post office before 200 p.m.

[00:46:16]today. I've had to scrape every penny that I possibly can from anywhere and pay it in in a desperate attempt to assuage the vengeful gods of the overdraft. Um, so yeah, tomorrow's lunch is going to consist of what I've got. And I've got leftover cold saw. I've got my emergency ham. And I've got a poor person's white loaf in the in the cupboard of all good things.

[00:46:51]So yeah, naturally I'm going to have a ham and cold sauce sandwich because the alternative is I'm quite looking forward to it. I'm quite looking forward to it.

[00:47:02]Truth be told if, you know, if that's the worst thing that happens to me this year, having to eat a ham and cold saw sandwich, I'll take it. Although in fairness, it's already not the wor I mean, I'll be honest with you. Worse things have happened to me this year than having to eat a ham and cold saw sandwich. Um, excuse me. What's a breakfast bar? Ask Peter Pete. Um, oh um Paula had breakfast bar in her council house.

[00:47:41]Richard has never lived in a council house. Angela has always lived in council houses and still does. I'm jealous. I wish I did. Um Oh, poor boat.

[00:47:53]He say he's living in a box. He's living in a cardboard box. He's living Well, when this all goes tits up, I have been planning my next move cuz you know it's me. It's bound to go tits up. And I thought that when all of this goes tits up, I thought I'll live in a hole in the ground. But I'm not going to get taken unawares like I did when I lost Windy Bomb. I'm going to be proactive. I'm going to go out and find a really nice hole in the ground and I'm going to use it as a holiday home in the meantime until this August hits up and then I'll move into it fulltime. But it's going to be a really really nice hole in the ground and I'm going to have solar panels.

[00:48:45]It's going to be that's going to be the next stage of my YouTube career. How to live in a hole in the ground with style and dignity. I know I know what you're all thinking. I know what you're all thinking. You're going to start a new life under the sea. What the hell happened to that? Well, that was my genuine plan. I genuinely plan to move under the sea. It turned out that there was some logistical differenc uh difficulties. Um the major one being breathing. Um that was quite a stumbling block and to be honest I couldn't overcome it. But there will be no difficulties with um with breathing when I have to live in a hole in the ground.

[00:49:34]I'm going to get a really nice one. I mean, that's the beauty of living in a hole in the ground, right? Um, you can live anywhere where you can make a hole in the ground. And this area, the Peak District, is lovely. Um, and there are many wide open areas. So, I shall make a hole in the ground in a beautiful part of the peak. Maybe somewhere near Edale or maybe a little bit closer. So, it's handy for um for getting to work. But when I retire from work, I shall make a hole in the ground at home in the Breen Beacons in South Wales. And what a fabulous hole in the ground that will be. And we'll make the best of it. We'll make the best of it. We'll have Starlink. Oh no, we won't have Star Oh god. Oh yeah. Elastic trickery is going to be an issue with a hole in the ground, isn't it?

[00:50:33]Oh, we'll overcome these things. We'll overcome these things.

[00:50:40]Necessitas etm inventum as the Romans used to say when they were speaking Latin. Oh, Heidi. Hi. Good evening, Dan. By the way, I love Heidi. Hi. I went I've told you before I went through a phase. I think I was married at the time and I watched every episode of Heidi High that was available on the tube of you or something else and I thought this was a lot better than I remembered. Feature number 15.

[00:51:17]Feature number 15. What have you watched that you hadn't watched for years or decades and thought this is better than I remember? A feeder was awfully good. I need to watch that again. A feeder pet.

[00:51:33]It amazes me, says Bunga Bunga. When people say, I just want to leave money and society behind and live in a house in the woods. Every day you'd be in survival mode uh mode. Water, food, heating, health, etc. The richer I get, says Bunga Bunga. Um the more I shop in charity shops. Well, yeah, why not? You've not hit rock bottom yet, Boaty, says Raven.

[00:52:01]Get off it, man.

[00:52:04]Yeah, well, you know, we'll do the hole in the ground bit. I've noticed the hedgehogs are getting closer to the door. Well, can you blame them? Simone, you were mentioning this last night.

[00:52:13]Simone is going to buy a new daily a new daily motor car. I'm thinking about doing it as well. I'm not immediately but when I get some money when and if I get some money I am thinking about having a change.

[00:52:32]I keep thinking about going back to Fords because I've argued I used to argue this with mustard. I used to say that a M2 Ford Focus was the only car that you would ever need. I've had two of them and I was impressed by them.

[00:52:50]I've had Mark 1's as well, but I was really impressed with the Moss and I can still make the argument that they are all the car you will ever need.

[00:53:01]You could get um you can have uh a sports version, the ST or RS or whatever it was. You can have an estate. Uh you can have a convertible.

[00:53:16]It's all the car that you would ever need. You could have a people carrier if you include the um the the what's it the oh what is it? Cmax or something. But yeah, you know, maybe a Ford Focus and an Smax.

[00:53:39]Maybe they would be the the ideal two cars for my FL. Oh, I don't know. We can It's early dreaming anyway. I haven't got any money. Uh I definitely haven't got any money. I gave it all to the bloody post office today.

[00:53:54]Dan Fango, good evening to you.

[00:54:04]Excuse me. Bye. Did you get the party uh the parcel today, Mandy? Uh no. What I've had are I'll show you.

[00:54:21]Right, I've had two of these because unfortunately the postman comes to the restaurant um most of the time before anybody is there. So if it doesn't go through the letter box. So I had um uh we tried to deliver your thing on um Tuesday and they said they would try to deliver it again on Wednesday today. And sure enough they did try to deliver it today. Again they couldn't. So, I've arranged I've gone onto the website and I've arranged for it to be delivered to the post office in Ripley and it will be delivered there on Friday. So, before I go to work on Friday, I will pop into the post office and pick it up. So, I will get it on Friday. And bless you. Thank you very much.

[00:55:24]on Friday. It should be in my hot little hands.

[00:55:31]Where does the phrase backpedaling come from? Ask Bung Bungaba. Uh I would imagine from uh bicycling um using a fixed gear when and if you have a fixed gear bicycle then when you back pedal guess what you go backwards.

[00:55:47]So I would imagine um Colar Soap. Yes, I remember it. Oh, did it? Oh, I didn't know that.

[00:56:09]A donut of smash with a half tin of beans and sausages in the center. Oh, Pola. That sounds um well I I I've been on the smash as you know I have been on the smash uh not in a drugs related way.

[00:56:27]Um oh right from Richard who has clearly cheated.

[00:56:35]Right. He's clearly cheated here. I'm not having this. This is cheating. Um, right. We're on to a gif and good.

[00:56:43]A rare non-luxury staple product. Well, it's not rare, so that's wrong.

[00:56:50]That defies the traditional law of demand by seeing an increase in consumer demand as its price rises.

[00:57:00]Well, no. That's wrong. That's wrong in several senses.

[00:57:06]Um, and you cheated. You googled that, right? A gifen good quite simply is a good for which demand increases as income decreases.

[00:57:20]And the perfect example of a given good is a simple potato. Not rare.

[00:57:32]So the poor you get, the more likely you are to eat potato because it's cheap.

[00:57:37]It's a staple and you know chips.

[00:57:45]Um By I did not get Oh, I'm being taken to task by Carla's lockpick. By I did not go to bingo and we did not all talk like oasis or people on Coronation Street.

[00:58:01]My bad. My bad.

[00:58:05]Nicole Egleston. Good evening to you and congratulations on not being on the toilet. Stall's having steak and eggs and he got up at 400 p.m.

[00:58:18]Farm uh farm foods boat he says to you.

[00:58:20]Same bob saints Bobs charge top dollar.

[00:58:23]Oh yeah, but if you um if you shoplift that you don't need to worry about gross. Uh I'm sure pot noodles used to be around 50p says Danfanger. No doubt they did. They're currently 140.

[00:58:42]Pot noodles are just disgusting, says Richard. Yes, but when you're homeless and destitute, you learn to embrace what is disgusting.

[00:58:53]Kingpot noodle 99 p says pinup per Pete.

[00:58:58]They've got to be on offer. I can't get them at 99p. Not unless they're on offer.

[00:59:06]When poor says matron and good evening matron community matriarch and owner operator of the community bosom a fave lunch was eight pan noodle sandwich 15p white bread only still my daughter's fave papa meal even though the same man I've done that I've done that I have done that who amongst us would have done this a noodle sandwich I mean it's a carbohydrate nightmare and probably the reason why we're fat. But um Oh, come on. We've all done it. We've all done a pot noodle sandwich or a crisp sandwich or a chip sandwich.

[00:59:47]Dirt cheap white bread. You know, a loaf of white bread. Dirt cheap. Um with noodles or cheap chips or crisps or something, you know, when times are hard, it fills you up. It does fill you up.

[01:00:07]Ans. Good evening, Ans. The lovely lady, Angela. Boiled potato sandwich with salad cream. Dear God. Um.

[01:00:17]Oh dear.

[01:00:19]And Nicola Egleston says, "I like pot noodle and oldest taste the same in your pants."

[01:00:28]Do you know what? I have rediscovered pot noodle. A Bombay bad boy. I've got one in there. Right. Get the peas out and the two pieces of sweet corn because nobody needs those. Nobody needs those.

[01:00:42]Add all of the hot sauce in. Squeeze all of the last little bit in there and add in some food, some nice cooked chicken or something. Jobs are good. And I saw a thing today and I'm learning that it's true. Going back to van life and van life doings.

[01:01:03]What is the perfect van life lunch? This thing said anything that does not involve washing up. And I'm learning that. I am bloody learning that. I mean, now I've got, all joking aside, I'm blessed. I've got a luxury huge top of the range caravan, but even in this uh washing up is a bit of a me. Um, imagine doing it in a van.

[01:01:33]A van van, you know, or even netty. Even netty, you do tend to avoid the washing up. I'm learning that. I'm learning that my lunches are changing. And a pot noodle, which means no no washing up at all. you make a pot noodle, then all you're going to be washing up is the fork that you eat it with. And that suddenly becomes incredibly appealing because washing up, I mean, it's two things.

[01:02:11]It's having the facility um and the small space and all of that.

[01:02:19]And it's water. Remember, water is the lifeblood of van life. And I'm saying that when I'm in a caravan with free water just 60 yards up there, a water tank on board here, my motor home has got a two water tanks, uh, a fresh water tank and a wastewater tank. And even I'm saying that so imagine if I was oh I don't know Mad Mark or whoever um in a van with no water tank and you know you relying on having a oh my god honestly you don't try this try being homeless it doesn't have change your view on things and while you're doing that you might want to start saying good night cuz I I'm knackered. I am knackered. I was up stupidly early this morning. Didn't want to be. I didn't want to be, but I was.

[01:03:24]So, we will whis through some comments.

[01:03:27]But yeah, do say good night. Hopefully, my wine is oh, somewhat bloody chilled in the freezer.

[01:03:42]Every Sunday evening, says Pinup Pete, I have a tin of soup, a tin of soup, and five rounds of bread and butter. Bloody hell. Five rounds. Good lord.

[01:03:54]Good lord.

[01:03:57]Oh, Phil Lord Babastock. Good evening.

[01:03:59]Good evening. Good evening.

[01:04:05]Now, I want a ham sandwich, says PA. Um, I'm I'm looking forward to mine with Cole. With Coastal, um, you learn to make the best of what you've got around you. And I've learned that I've got those spaces.

[01:04:21]Sometimes the universe works out. I've I've learned that I've got spaces in my fridge in which you can easily slot your emergency cold meat, ham, beef, whatever you want. If it comes in really thin packets, right? And we don't I'm That was shameful. I'm so sorry.

[01:04:45]We don't want washing up. Well, sandwich. Minimal washing up on a sandwich.

[01:04:51]Oh, my digestive system is falling apart. Oh my god.

[01:05:01]Make it on the chopping board. Eat it from the chopping board. Just put the chopping board on the table. No washing up of a plate. All you're going to be washing up is the chopping board and the knife that you cut the whatever with um and cut the sandwich with and spread the thing with butter. It's honestly things change. Your standards drop.

[01:05:34]I do virtually anything now if um if it meant I didn't have to wash anything up afterwards.

[01:05:51]I Richard, you're kind of not wrong.

[01:06:00]And then Emma Lemon, Emil Lemon of the aonomous YouTube channel. Emma Lemon Hov interview.

[01:06:11]Matron says, "Boaty still has no idea that we changed the pics round in that room as he doesn't watch his own live streams." Completely true. I don't. I've got no idea. Um I've watched over the last three years. There are I think there are only three live streams that I've ever watched back.

[01:06:36]I think that's right.

[01:06:44]No, don't call me Shirley Crabtree.

[01:06:50]When I'm really poor, says Emma, I like a couple of hardboiled eggs.

[01:07:04]Uh yes, Big Daddy was uh Nicola, you're quite right. Big Daddy or Shirley Crabtree as others have said. Uh yeah, he was a wrestler and a bit of a bad boy in real life, believe it or not.

[01:07:18]Obviously he was a good guy on the telly.

[01:07:22]Oh, joined high stacks as well.

[01:07:36]Uh, how far behind? Oh, s it. S it. I'm sc Oh my god. Right. I've scrolled two of them. I've scrolled three of them.

[01:07:45]Okay. Right.

[01:07:53]Yes. Right.

[01:07:56]Tonight's been fun, darlings. Tonight has been fun. Thank you so much for your company. I am going to start off because I'm struggling to be honest. I was up really early today.

[01:08:10]I don't want to have to face you while I'm drinking warm wine. In fact, I might not drink wine at all. I might just get supper and get to bed. I am I'm genuinely that discomated.

[01:08:24]I really am.

[01:08:27]It's Oh, it's all a bit different. I'm I'm still trying to get Oh, yeah. Anyway, right. Let me wish you all a safe and peaceful night and a jolly good day tomorrow.

[01:08:48]May is a new day bring you joy. May it bring you pleasure. But at the very least, may it be manageable. The candles will be reit tomorrow night. Same time, same place. Please pay me the inestimable honor of joining me then if you can. In the meantime, all the love in the world from me. And on that note, community climax incoming. Pu and indeed.

[01:09:20]Oh yes. Here we go. Bosch. Good night, darlings. And love you lots.

[01:09:27]Like jelly ts. Sleep tight.