Me

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:01]Okay, I know I haven't been around much lately. Um Anyone who follows my patron knows that over the last sort of several weeks I've had a lot of health issues. Um Um but my medication has changed, which is a really good thing. Um It has made massive difference. Um they found out that I don't have hemiplegic migraines, which is really really good thing. Um But my FND has been completely out of control and they've had to up all my medication. Um and in doing so um it has helped having stronger medication, but anyone who's been on medication sort of long-term knows that your body kind of does get used to a certain level of medication and when they start upping that um your body has to sort of readjust. Um So it's it's been an insane sort of few weeks.

[00:01:12]And although reality-wise um I'm having less headaches, which is actually really good because you know, my headaches and my migraines were becoming pretty much constant for a while.

[00:01:27]Um They're actually now more controllable, which is great.

[00:01:33]Um but having stronger medication means that um I'm tired easily. Um my brain's a little fuzzy and I'm not focused very well.

[00:01:47]Um there's a hell of a lot going on. Um I have no real brain power to really think about it or care about it or worry about any of it.

[00:01:59]Um I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. And frankly, right about now I don't care.

[00:02:04]Uh It's pretty much the state I'm in right now. It's this concept of I don't care what's going on out in the world.

[00:02:11]I really don't care.

[00:02:12]My brain's not in this position where I actually care about anything right now.

[00:02:16]No. Like world matters, you know.

[00:02:20]Um >> [snorts] >> A lot's I'm having to sort of adjust to just sort of stronger medication and it is an adjustment and I'm tired and my brain's sort of not always functioning properly. Um But there is a highlight. Um we're under social services now, um which is a good thing because obviously with my FND getting worse um there's a lot I have a lot more mobility issues.

[00:02:51]Um So I now have mobility aids in the house.

[00:02:57]Um which is a good thing.

[00:03:00]A really good thing. Um >> [snorts] >> Makes me feel really old.

[00:03:06]I mean really really old.

[00:03:09]Um because I always believed that you know, you don't start having things like mobility aids until you're like 60, 70 years old, you know, like my gran and my aunts and my uncles and stuff. They all have mobility aids in their 60s and 70s.

[00:03:22]I'm in my 40s, early 40s and that, you know.

[00:03:27]And I've got mobility aids. I need mobility aids, like quite a few of them as well. It's not just like one or two mobility aids. I need quite a few mobility aids because I can't do a lot.

[00:03:36]Um on my really bad days I can barely move.

[00:03:40]It's kind of sad, but you know it is necessities. Um It is kind of getting to a point now where I have days where I can barely sort of pick my feet up off the floor and I'm kind of shuffling everywhere.

[00:03:55]Um I drop things all the time um because I can't hold grip things properly cuz my hand's just too weak to actually hold anything.

[00:04:05]Um My pain levels are increasing abdom you know, there's an awful lot going on medically with me. Um but um [clears throat] the medication is helping. It's it actually is helping, which is a strange thing to say. But FND isn't fun kind of neurological disorder. Um And it is getting worse.

[00:04:41]But while I'm in this kind of transition sort of period getting used to stronger medication because they're going to be upping my medication over the course of the next couple of months.

[00:04:55]Um according to my neurologist or to the neurologist I saw, I have to up my medication over the course of like 3 months until I reach I think it's 150 mg of um amitriptyline and 150 mg of my migraine medication. Um That's a day. I mean, I have to take 150 mg of amitriptyline a day on top of all the rest of the medication I'm taking. I mean, that's a really strong dose of medication.

[00:05:26]And I know there's a lot of people that say a lot of people with FND that say try the herbal route. I've tried it. It doesn't work. It doesn't help me. Um I know it helps some people.

[00:05:36]Um but it it doesn't help me. Um [clears throat] So yeah, it's going to be one hell of an adjustment period so over the next few months.

[00:05:52]Um medication like that is insane to deal with. Um I'm not sleeping that well either, which doesn't help.

[00:06:00]And yeah, my brain's just in this place of I don't care what the world is doing. The world can just carry on doing whatever it does and I'm just going to sit here and go what the [ __ ] Cuz I don't care.

[00:06:12]It just sits in its own little sort of space doing whatever the hell it does and not functioning and not focusing on anything.

[00:06:18]Which is pretty much where I am right now.

[00:06:22]So yeah.

[00:06:23]Um so I I will try and sort of figure a few things out and focus on a few bits, but reality-wise while I'm trying to sort of organize my brain and get used to this medication um I might not be posting. I mean, I don't post like super super regularly anyway.

[00:06:45]Um I try to, but um things are a bit weird right now. Um medically for me.

[00:06:59]As I say, if you follow my patron, you kind of know how I am medically anyway cuz I tell you.

[00:07:04]But cuz on my really really bad days I don't like do anything anyway.

[00:07:10]But on here um >> [snorts] >> yeah, it is one of those things that I just sort of need to be able to function and like focus on.

[00:07:23]And right now I'm not.

[00:07:25]Because my brain's just going yeah, I don't know what's going on right now.

[00:07:29]No idea what's going on right now.

[00:07:33]Uh yeah, as much as I love you all and as appreciative I am of you all following me. Um right now I'm not in the most functional place.

[00:07:43]So I do love you all and I will try to post as frequently as I can and yeah.

[00:07:56]Take care of yourselves. Bye.