Am I cursed to be alone forever?

Added: 2026-05-26

[00:00:01]Sometimes I genuinely wonder if I'll be alone for the rest of my life. And not in a dramatic way, but in a realistic sense, because it's growing increasingly common or likely that not just me, but a lot of other people in Gen Z have this fate. I think they're saying some statistic like one in three or one in four Jenzers will never experience a relationship in their life, which is that's a crazy number. That's absurd.

[00:00:31]Social media really screwed us over on that one. But more than that, I'm not even saying in a romantic sense.

[00:00:37]Obviously, I want to have a wife, right?

[00:00:39]But it's also socially, like just friends. Something that really messes with my mind sometimes is that the only perspective you have in life is your own perspective, right? So you can only you can't confirm anything via cross referencing like oh do you feel like this? Oh do you not? Because at the end of the day you only for sure know what you think. And because of that sometimes I get paranoid like is there some life information that I'm just blatantly not understanding or that like every is like natural to most people that I just don't have and that's holding me back in some aspects of life. But specifically like relationships with other people, you know what I mean? Is there something that I just don't have, but I don't know that I don't have it because I only am in my head. I can't confirm or deny it.

[00:01:32]Right? So, I don't know. It's like something that I think about a lot.

[00:01:36]Recently, I saw this. I mean, I'm just gonna like it was an Instagram reel, but it said that in reality, every single person is completely alone because you only have your own conscious and your own psyche.

[00:01:50]So even when you do things with other people, you experience it alone but in the presence of other people. And that's why we say like together in groups. But it's like at the end of the night, your head hits the pillow. No one else is in your mind but yourself. And that thought really freaks me out. And if you really want to get freaked out, if that doesn't freak you out, I think about like death sometimes, but not uh death more like the process of dying. Like the the verb like dying. And I realize that dying, even if you're surrounded by people that you love, is a solo event. Life is a solo mission. And that you're you're the only one in your own head experiencing it. And that like freaks me out like really bad. That like really freaks me out. I I I hope I'm not the first one that's exposing this idea to you guys. I don't want to like put that burden onto you, but truly sometimes I think about it not too often, but I had this real this happened twice and in both in the past year actually these like really weird freakish moments where I was going on like these long travel trips. It was actually a like actually it was a year ago to this week I don't think to this day that my family moved from Chicago to Colorado and I didn't move with them at the time but I helped them move and I don't know what it was but I had to do I was driving uh my parents' car myself because they needed someone to drive the car and like the night before I was just ruminating on my thoughts thinking about how I'm going to die like so much so to where I had a panic attack I had anxiety like it was crazy I'd never experienced anything like that ever in my life like I really don't experience that type of stuff but it just my psyche it really messed with me and I was like spiraling and the idea of like dying alone was just messing with my head and then most recently this actually happened I think it was like 2 months ago or something um a friend of mine from my hometown came to Colorado to visit with his grandparents and then he was like hey while I'm here you you want to hit the slopes you want to ski I'm like heck yeah I haven't seen I haven't hung out with friends in months and so it wasn't like really close to where I lived it was like a 2 hours away. I had to get a hotel or whatever.

[00:03:59]But once again, I don't know what it was, but like the way that you get to this ski resort, you have to go through these mountains that's like literally right on the edge. And just the thought process of it, like my brain just ran away with it, bro. And I started freaking out. I was like, "Oh my gosh." And when in both these instances, I mean, I I was like truly fa like I know you're like, "That's not even a near-death experience." But like psychologically I was thinking in my head that I was going to die the next day. Like I had convinced myself not 100% but close and I remember just thinking like wow this like I I would reflect my whole life.

[00:04:35]It's just been a grind alone. Like it's just been work work work work work.

[00:04:39]Never experienced the reward or the play. If this is your first video watching to me like I don't I'm not the type of guy I completely am void of fun in my life. And by the way this isn't a pity party. I'm just like explaining you know my situation. But I don't go out or like do things. I'm I'm planning on moving in a week from now if everything goes through with this. It It's a whole ordeal. I don't even want to get into it, but hopefully I can move out in a week and I want to like experience life, but I haven't done that. I just graduated college this past week. And so these are like I I feel like my life has been building up until I finally get to go out and like do things. And just that whole thought process of like the fact that I've been alone through the whole time, it just was something I started to ruminate on. And then in relation to what I'm talking about in this video, I just get a little bit nervous that like this trend will continue because it's so hard to break out of your habits. But even more than that, it's so hard to change your mindset. And mindset is reflected in your reality. So, it's like if you're always alone, the reason why I say am I cursed is because it's like, have I just developed this own self-inflicting? Because I do think it is at the end of the day, like being alone is mainly self-inflicted. But is that going to carry on for the rest of my life? Cuz that would be ter dude, that would genuinely be terrible cuz don't get me wrong, it's weird how being alone works. Like, in any given night, I don't feel bad at all for not having any friends or not going out, you know? Um, and when I say friends, I kind of use like that term with a little bit of like nuance cuz I have friends, but these are friends that are all of my best friends live in different states across the country and so we're not by each other anymore. So when I say I don't have friends, I'm like I don't have any friends that I hang out with. And then my friends that I do, I talk to, you know, once a month, sometimes a little bit more, but it's like, you know, it's like they're not like in my life.

[00:06:29]They're not like we're not like doing stuff together. We're not those type of friends. Um, but it was it was awesome when my one friend came to visit a couple months back. But anyways, I'm getting longwinded here. I just feel like there as part of human nature, you you're a social creature. You like desperately want to socialize and and feel like you belong. And that certainly like I've experienced that myself. But the problem is every time I go and try to do something, I'm so like uninterested and like not into what my peers are doing.

[00:07:02]like I just don't have similar interests and that's fine. I don't mean once again that's not me saying like I'm superior in any way. It's just literally like psychologically I don't enjoy the things that they do. And so I went through this phase one time when I was 19 where I like tried to force myself to like stick with it and like hang out with these people for a certain period of time just because I'm like oh maybe it's like a barrier to entry type thing where like you have to go through this period the learning curve where like you need to just suck it up. And I did it for about four months and it and it like not only did it not get better, but I just became more and more irritated. I'm like screw this. And I'm like that's just not who I am. That's not who I am. And it sucks cuz then I'm like am I cursed to be alone forever? That's just like what that's that's what it is. And there are a lot of people that feel similar to me out there. And I have a feeling if you're still watching this video, you probably feel the same way.

[00:07:58]But it's just like it's almost so bad that I cope. I think that I'm I I can't really tell. It's kind of hard to analyze your own psyche, but I think that the just complete isolation has taken a toll on me to where I cope by like suppressing it completely to where I don't even think about it. I go through my day and I'm like, "Hey, all I got to do is like get my work done and that's what I'm concerned about." and I just do these things and that that at the end of the day that is what I'm concerned about doing those things nothing else and then I consider it a win of a day if I you know record a certain amount of videos, finish my school work and well now I'm graduated but that's how it was. Finish my school work, hit the gym, eat healthy, and then do some work on my business. It's like if I spend my whole day working and I do that, well, that was a win of a day. But it's like, well, I've could have said that about, you know, the past months or years, but then when I look back, were those months or were those years wins in terms of experiencing life? The answer to that question is no. And that's why it's so dangerous. And that's why I feel like like I don't know. I've had I've had conversations with people before where who have I I I'm going to be honest.

[00:09:08]I've never met a single person who's more alone than me or more isolated than me. But there are certainly people that have had long moments of isolation. Uh I I had a one of my best friends his freshman year of college. He had like no one nothing and like he really went through it and that was like really tough on him. And that's kind of like where I've been at for the past seven years I would say. And so it's just like sometimes I'll talk to him about it and he and he like ended up coping by like he would go get on video games and play with friends. And when I say coping I don't mean that in a bad way at I mean that like he like found ways to sort of alleviate some of that pain, but I've never been that type of guy. Like I just kind of endure and like once again I think I suppress and then I just move on. It's the next thing, right? I just got to focus on the business or growing on social media or doing this or that.

[00:09:56]But growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of a cancer cell. That's what I'm realizing. It's like I'll just convince myself that like it doesn't matter that I'm not hanging out with people because I'm being productive in the meantime. But productive in what sense? Just in a monetary or in a business sense or like gaining social currency by getting a few more followers on Instagram? Like who car like that stuff is stupid at the like when you're on your deathbed? You're not going to be like, "Oh man, I wish I worked harder."

[00:10:19]You're going to be like, "I wish that I would have established and spent more time with the people that I cared about." You know, establishing relationships and spending time with the people you love. That's what really matters. But as of recent, and really it's this next month that I'm going out cuz I'm moving out and I'm moving in with uh three other guys that are my age. I'm gonna try like I'm making an active attempt to become friends with people and I'll be still recording videos for you guys. It won't be in this basement. It will be out. But I'll let you guys know on my process. But yeah, I I'm definitely not one of those guys that's just going to lay over and die.

[00:10:50]Like I'm going to try. I have been trying. Not really as much in the past year, but in the past I've tried a lot more. But I'm going back to that because if anybody like watches and is a big fan of my content or whatever, if you watch me, I never want the the takeaway to be life sucks. Let's just be pessimistic, roll over and die. I want you to be like it's carp, which is directly translates to seize the day. It's like that's what you need to do and you need to be smart.

[00:11:17]It's like, yeah, there's a time to lock in on your career and do that, and there's also a time to go out and be social. And sometimes those two things can intertwine. And listen, I'm going to give it a shot. I hope I'm not cursed. I'm going to give it a shot. And at the end of the day, bro, that's really all you can do.

[00:11:35]That's all you can attempt. And I think that will be enough for me mentally. It's like, hey, if I actually give this thing a shot.

[00:11:45]But yeah, it's hard because once again, it's like even with these guys that I'm moving in with, I'm going I'm going into it completely open-minded and hoping that it works well. I don't have a negative mindset going into it. But chances are based off past experience in life that these guys I'll probably get along with them and we'll be cool, but we're not going to be like boys. Like these aren't going to be my, as Aristotle would say, friendships of virtue, right? They're going to be more friendships of utility. That's like mainly that's probably what it's going to be, you know? And so, yeah, I think that social media has made this issue worse because the way that life works in the universe works is any time that something is created which makes some situation like easier or like brings some value, there's always an opposite value reaction that occurs in the universe at whatever it is. So, if social media makes it really easy to connect with people, the the yin and the yang to that, the yang, the opposite energy that's going to be created is that in real life, it's actually going to be so much harder. And so trying to overcome that and overcome something that's literally ingrained fully ingrained in our culture at this point, social media. And legitimately like in terms of the game theory like it has implications to where you are socially like where you stack up socially and then that has like legitimate psychological implications on you where it sucks cuz we all can acknowledge that giving a a crap about someone's Instagram following or whatever the the aesthetic that they bring online and like all this stuff it it's shallow. Everybody knows that. But yet it's still the game. And so you you can either accept the game or you don't play the game at all. But when you don't play the game at all, then that goes into this issue that we're talking about this entire video, which is am I cursed to just be alone forever then? Like if I refuse to play the game, then you're kind of like left in the dust and that's that. Boom. Wipe your hands, wash them, move on. That's that. So yeah, and and here's the thing, too.

[00:13:58]There's a tendency, and this is what I hate as someone who's legitimately fully embraced, not embraced, but like I live the lonely archetype lifestyle, like the the guy that like spends his time in his parents' basement, has no friends. Like I literally live that. But social media romanticizes isolation, which to an extent it could be good, but it can become very dangerous because it's addicting. As I said before, on any given night, I'm completely fine being alone. And then you can just stack those knights back to back to back, but then you'll look back and be like, I did nothing over this span of time. So, you literally have to acknowledge that you need to put in effort to change things.

[00:14:40]And social media like completely romanticizes it. But all those people that make those videos talking about it, I'm telling you there's no like I I can't I shouldn't say that there there is a chance, but I doubt that any single one of those videos, the people that made them have experienced as much isolation as me. That I I know that makes it seem like I take pride. I don't. It's literally the exact opposite. Like it sucks. Like it's not good. But I think that it's a dangerous sentiment with with these people because then other people start to listen to it and they're like, "Oh, I want to be France Kafka. I want to be like alone in my room and just write and be like a like an artist of some sort and do this." And it's like, "Yeah, that's cool on paper, bro, but like try to live it out and it's not going to go good for you." You know? It's interesting. When I was in high school, I've told this story on my channel before. There was a girl in my senior year who I don't know exactly what the situation was, but she was like, "Oh my gosh, like we're not she was talking to her other friends and she's like, "We're not doing anything this weekend. Like we're not hanging out this weekend. This is the first weekend in all of high school that we're not going to hang out." And I was like, "Dude, I was flabbergasted." I was like, "What? You're telling me that every single weekend you hung out with your friends?" cuz I I think senior year I only hung out with friends maybe like one or two times that entire year or maybe not even at all. I don't remember exactly. But dude, I did not hang out with people at all. I didn't go to prom.

[00:16:08]I didn't go to graduation, bro. I didn't walk the stage on graduation in high school. Not just when I graduated, you know, earlier like this past week. I literally like I I got on a plane, went to New York, and like chased my dreams and epically failed. And that was like what I did. That was like my loser sto story.

[00:16:28]I mean I get hey I guess I try which is cool. But that's literally how it is, bro. You just like it's such a solo journey. It's such an isolated and lonely journey if you're trying to achieve something in your life. For me I it's hard to tell if the isolation turned me into an ambitious person or my ambition turned me into an isolated person. It's kind of hard to tell. I think it might be a little bit of both. But what you'll realize is when you want to do things that other people are not doing around you, everybody becomes dead weight to you for doing those things. And also people are bitter. Humans are bitter.

[00:17:05]They like to support you when you're doing worse or equal to them. But the second that you're equal to them, they don't want you doing any better. So people will literally try to sabotage you. They'll hate on you. They just literally they don't want to see you win. Like this is I'm telling you guys this. I'm trying to do you a solid. I know everyone thinks that their friends are the ones that are different, but that's not true. People do not want to see you win. And that's the beauty in isolation. Another beautiful thing about isolation, at least for me, because I do social media, so I put my face out there. But, bro, I can't really care about the opinions of others because there's no others whose opinions I can care about because I I don't leave my house, bro. I leave my house to go to the gym and that's it.

[00:17:44]Or to get groceries. That's it, bro.

[00:17:46]Literally, that is it. Like, I I don't go I don't drink. drink. I don't like that. See, and that sounds so cringy.

[00:17:52]That's like the cring. I don't drink. I don't party. But I mean, that stuff is true, but it's mainly because I'm a loser. It's not like, you know what I mean? But all of that has left me no other choice but to number one self-reflect, figure out who I am, rebuild who I actually am without the external influence of like my pe of like peers or a friend group. But number two, it's like, hey, you have nothing going on tonight. you have nothing going on for the next week, the next month in terms of when you're off of work, you have no other choice but to start building something. Because I spent years where I was alone having nothing going for me and I didn't try anything.

[00:18:30]So, I was just alone for the sake of being alone. It's like stupid. But now that I'm alone and I'm like working towards something and building something, it's a different ballgame.

[00:18:38]It's different because now it's like I can justify it. And so, once again, I just got to this point. I I was talking to a friend of mine. Um, if any of you guys know him, he's big on social media.

[00:18:48]His name is High Up Wellness. His real name is Michael Smoke, but amazing amazing guy. Like just a really good human. He's helped me out a lot.

[00:18:57]I've talked to him and he was telling me he's like, "Bro, you just need to like go out there and do it and try things."

[00:19:02]Because the truth is kind of the weird way that the universe works is that like the people that go out and they they like it like like have relationships and build stuff and aren't actually working in terms of the hours that they're working as much. When they do sit down and work, it's much more effective. And in a weird way, even though they're working less, they're achieving more.

[00:19:21]And I think that's how it is. Like when you have good friends, that's that's the key there. You need good friends.

[00:19:27]And that's how you propel. And when I talk about like here's people ask me a lot like what is your criteria for a good friend. I think the biggest thing is does this person have anything going for them in life or like are they pursuing something? Have they bet on themselves? Are they taking a risk? And the reason that I say that is because if they're not doing any of those things and you clearly want to. In your ideal world you will bet on yourself and you will chase your dreams.

[00:19:53]If you start doing that and they're not doing that they're going to hate on you.

[00:19:56]It's inevitable. As I was saying, people don't want you to do better um than them. Like they only like you if you're equal or lower. Pretty much what that is is if someone is like working on their own thing and it could be different. For example, one of my best friends, he's an architect and that's his dream is to be an architect, which is super dope, really cool. That's so different. Like his dream is so different than social media. So it doesn't really like he doesn't really care like he's not going to be um how do I say it? like jealous the fact that I have followers on Instagram which is so stupid and shallow like I have a few follow few more followers than him whatever like he doesn't he's not going to care about that why because what he's pursuing and actually cares about and is passionate about is architecture and so you see what I'm saying here you need to find friends that are doing something so they don't become bitter against you and then rinse and repeat this with every potential person that you meet and once again like this that sounds very like almost dehumanizing or like robotic or like, oh, you need you need like every relationship is transactional. No, it's just game opt like game theory optimal or what whatever the terminology for it is. It's like these people are the ones that will actually have your back and are going to be kind and supportive and stuff like that. The other ones will it will quickly turn to envy and that's never good. Never good. So yeah, when you're looking for friends or partners or something, you need to find someone that also is kind of on the same wavelength as you in in those terms. If you want to be ambitious, I mean, heck, maybe you're watching this show and maybe you're not ambitious. And listen, you're you're equally as valuable as a human if you're not ambitious. I don't think there's anything uh wrong inherently. I think you should be ambitious. I I would say, but I I don't like judge you if you're not, but then you might be the envious friend that's going to hate the other person. So, yeah, be your truest, most authentic version of yourself.

[00:21:49]Figure out who you are. I think there's a time and a place for isolation. I think there's a time and a place for being alone, but eventually you need to branch out, move on with your life, which is kind of like what I'm in the process of trying to do right now. So, I know this video got a little bit long-winded, but I hope that maybe it made a little bit of sense to you guys.