WE ARE SO BACK !! 🤸🏻‍♀️☀️🐰 (spend the day w me + reading vlog)

Added: 2026-05-15

[00:00:00]Good morning. Today I have the day off, so I thought that we could spend the day together.

[00:00:12]I need to really quickly get ready. I'm currently a bit late. I had a meeting this morning and it wasn't supposed to be very long, but we ended up chatting for like an hour. So, I need to really quickly get ready now. Today, I want to go and run a few errands. Basically, I just came back from holiday last week and I saw my lovely, lovely friend who doesn't have a lot of access to English books. So, I want to send her some books. One of the books I want to send her is the one I'm currently reading.

[00:00:36]So, I also want to finish reading it.

[00:00:37]And the other book that I want to send her is my favorite, The Catcher in the Rye. I'm such a Catcher in the Rye fan and I was talking about it so much and she was sold, but she can't find it in English where she lives. So, I've ordered a secondhand copy from World of Books, and I'm waiting for that to arrive. And then I also need to finish my book. And I also want to make her a postcard. I think I've got nearly everything I need, actually. Like, before I leave, I'll quickly get my like arts and crafts box out, and we can have a look and see what I actually need to get. But I really want to make her a little postcard or something. I think I'll buy all the things today and I'll make it tomorrow. Also, I've already got SPF on, guys. I've been so good.

[00:01:10]Actually, I've got SPF everywhere except my forehead, which I'm going to have to put on quickly before we go. I have been so good with putting SPF on, guys. I have genuinely been so on it. Also, in general, guys, I've been feeling so good. We can talk about it more later cuz I do have a few things I want to talk to you guys about. But I feel like since coming back from holiday, I've really like reassessed what things I value and what things I I don't know, like I guess what I want my life to look like. And I feel like I've been way more independent. I've been way more on it with like taking care of myself and like making sure that my needs are being met.

[00:01:39]I've been meditating again, which is really nice. I feel like I kind of have moments of meditation quite a lot and I try to kind of live in a way that's quite meditative and slow, but I've actually been doing like sit down morning meditations. I love this app called Balance. It is 60 quid a year, which is like obviously quite a lot, but they do usually have like one year trial, which is really cool because if you like do everything in that trial, you actually like don't need to then like you'll know the foundations of meditation and you'll be able to do it without the app. I just really like the app, but like considering I spend £60 a year on it, you'd think I'd use it more.

[00:02:10]So, I've been using it more, which has been really, really lovely. And I feel super just like in my element, in the zone. I feel really grateful. I feel really happy. I just feel really calm, which is really nice. I felt way more on it with like all the things I need to do, all my commitments because I've just had the space to kind of feel more on it. Anyways, I'm doing my makeup so quick. I'm actually very impressed. I think I'm going to put some mascara on today. So, I'm going to quickly do that.

[00:02:33]Then, we can reveal my hair, which isn't going to be much of a reveal cuz I didn't actually do a blowout. Although, I may have fooled you into thinking I did a blowout. I just dried my hair doing like a blowout I guess, but I didn't do it properly. I literally just like dried my hair while twisting the thing. Then I clipped it up. Then I just dried it back. Clipped it up. Dried it forward. Clipped it up. But I didn't do like any I didn't part it very well. I didn't do like a proper technique or anything. So it might look really [ __ ] Who knows? I feel like the short hair has finally reached the like it's actually been there for a while. I finally realized that the short hair has reached the like awkward lob length. So I've been trying to like I don't know. I feel like I used to be really vain about my hair, which is partly why I cut it.

[00:03:07]But like also, I guess I'm still vain about my hair because I've really not been liking how it's been looking recently. And I feel like styling it and jazzing it up a little bit has been quite fun. But I can't figure out how to do a blur with this hair. Like this length I think is just too awkward for me. I tried to do a blur on Tik Tok like 2 weeks ago. I did it like outward and it looked crazy. It looked absolutely freaking crazy. So this time I've done it inwards, but we'll see how it turns out. Also guys, I think I'm going to read quite a lot today because I've got the day off. I've been enjoying reading so much. It's been so wonderful and I don't know what to read next. We can talk about that as well because I've got quite a lot of things. The thing is right, I can't deep the decision too much. I feel like for me a big danger zone with developing a reading slump is the kind of like picking my next book time because I feel like I think about it too much and then I just end up not reading because I'm thinking about what to read so much. So I reckon today I'm going to try finish Hour of the Star by Clarissa Spectre, which is what I want to gift my friend. And then I want to just move on and pick my next book and start reading it today as well. Also, the weather here is crazy. When I was on holiday, the weather was better here than it was on holiday. Since coming back, the weather here has been so good.

[00:04:10]I really need to buy actual sun cream cuz I don't have any. I don't know. I probably should buy some today and quickly apply it cuz I really, really, really, really am concerned about skin cancer. So, yeah, I need to make sure that I am protecting myself. I'm pretty good at the face SPF, but I really got to get better with body SPF. When I was on holiday, I was using the quarterly SPF, and that one was really, really nice. It wasn't like greasy or anything.

[00:04:29]It felt like I was like moisturizing my skin. Um, as in like the cordly body one. Although I do also now have like a cordly stick. Oh, I have an SPF hack by the way for people to please, please, please use because SPF needs to be taken so seriously. My best friend used to do this thing which I've now adopted. She would buy like really cheap SPF lip balms and all the places where like her skin's really thin. So, for example, around your eyelids and stuff, she reapplies SPF with the like little lip balm stick just like under her eyes and on her eyelids to make sure that that area is being reapplied. Obviously, you're supposed to reapply sun cream everywhere, but she does that like every hour or so. And I have got I bought this on holiday, this really nifty little thing, this like quarterly SPF sun cream stick, which basically I've been using as like a sun cream lip balm and also like under my eyes and stuff to make sure that I am adequately protected.

[00:05:16]Anyways, let's reveal the hair now.

[00:05:18]Quickly, SPF my forehead and then I need to pack my bag and then I can leave.

[00:05:24]Hm. Okay. I feel like this has the potential to look crazy. And by crazy, I don't mean crazy good. I mean crazy strange.

[00:05:33]That's pretty good, though, considering that I didn't actually do a proper blowout. Oh, wait. [ __ ] My roots are still wet. Okay, whatever. Let's please remember that I started this by saying, "Oh, damn. This blowout's going to be so crap." Whoops. I didn't even do it properly or anything.

[00:05:47]Oop. Okay, I'm a bit concerned about the fact that my roots are still wet, but Oh, hold up. Wait, guys. I'm the go. Okay, maybe I'm only looking at it in the tiny viewfinder.

[00:05:58]Let me actually go look in the big mirror because it might look totally [ __ ] Okay, never mind. It doesn't look as good as it does in the viewfinder, but it still looks pretty good for like a lazy quick blowout to just like pin my hair up whilst I'm doing my makeup. Let me quickly clip my bang back and then put some SPF on my forehead. Oh, okay.

[00:06:14]And then also, we need to really quickly look through my arts and crafts thing.

[00:06:17]I've got like a list of all the things I need for the postcards. I'll quickly look at that.

[00:06:22]Okay, this is my arts and crafts box. I need um I need like card paper. It specifies Bristol board, but I have something else. I've got this like board kind of paper, I guess. Like it's quite like thick card.

[00:06:38]Then I need matte medium, which I actually don't think I have. I don't know what matte medium specifically is.

[00:06:44]I don't know if I can use Mod Podge.

[00:06:45]Tempted to use Mod Podge. I'll do like a question mark next to it and I'll quickly check that before I leave. Black acrylic paint. I have like everything other than black. So, I need to get that. I need a foam brush. Containers. I have I need to get some corks. Sticky back foam. Cardboard. I have ruler scissors. Pencil tape. I have white pen.

[00:07:04]I think I have a white pen. Yes. Collage paper. I kind of have. And then colored tissue paper. I do have Wait, I forgot to tick off the things that I have.

[00:07:11]Okay. Okay, I need to get black acrylic paint, a foam brush, corks, sticky back foam, and then let me check about the Mod Podge. I also want to go to the library and I think for cuz I'm going to make a few postcards, but the one for my friend that I'm sending the books to, I think I'd quite like to print out pictures of us. So, I think I might go to the library to print some pictures.

[00:07:26]It sounds like matte medium is a lot fancier and more secure than Mod Podge, but I don't need it to be perfect because like I'm no artist. I'm not selling these. So, I think I'm just going to stick with the Mod Podge. Hair looking great. Super chuffed with that.

[00:07:41]Makeup looking okay. Chuffed with that bag. I think might already be packed.

[00:07:47]Life could be a dream. Life could be a dream. All I need are my sunglasses. And then I'm ready to go. It's quite hot, but I'm going to bring just like a jumper. Immediately ruined the fit. By the way, I have this Dossier floral rose and it's a dupe of another rose perfume that I really wanted for very long and then found out that they are on the boycott list. So, I got this instead and it's a lot cheaper and it smells exactly the same. Like maybe some super super like amazing super strongest nose in the world, blood hound perfumemers would be able to tell the difference, but personally like this smells basically exactly like the scent that it's replicating. So, I really recommend I really recommend Dossia for perfume dupes. They're really great and it's so much cheaper. Anyways, let's go.

[00:08:36]Before I show you guys all the things that I managed to buy, I mentioned that this is all for a postcard that I'm making. And so, I'm really happy to talk about this week's sponsor, Skillshare. Hello. As you guys saw, I was super excited to make these postcards. I am so happy of how they turned out. I made two and they are still drying. I literally just made them. I took the Skillshare class, Postcard Studio Collage and Stamp by Lucy Duclo. Sorry if I mispronounced that. I feel like this was in the realm of like art that you don't need any particular amazing technical skills. You just need to have fun and I'm super happy with how they turned out. I think that this is the one that I'm going to give to my friend. Also, not only am I so happy with the result, but it was genuinely so fun to make. Something I noticed when I was starting the class and part of the reason why I wanted to do this one in particular was that I saw in the like project and resources section that everyone was putting their cards and I found the range of really unique cards that people were making so cool. I know that my friend that I want to gift this to is a very sentimental girl. So I hope that she will like that it is handmade. But yeah, no, I definitely want to make this again. I think people who I know in real life get ready to get a bunch of postcards. In general, when I'm picking up new creative skills, I really love Skillshare. I have found that they have such a range of classes, so you're bound to find something that works for you.

[00:09:56]And I find that like as a beginner to a lot of skills that I'm interested in potentially developing. Skillshare is great because I think a lot of the teachers recognize that a lot of the people who will be engaging with their classes are beginners and so everything is really engaging and tailored to be super simple and easy to follow and the instructions are super clear. And I just find that like it genuinely is really good fun. And I am developing skills. So I really really love Skillshare. And so I am super happy to announce that the first 500 people to click the link in my description or scan the QR code will receive a 1 month free trial of Skillshare. Thank you so much as usual Skillshare for sponsoring this video.

[00:10:29]The shopping was not super successful.

[00:10:31]I'll show you guys what I got. But I'm very hungry, so I'm going to have to try to keep this quick. First of all, I went to Lush because I realized that I'm celebrating my friend's birthday on Sunday and I haven't got anything for them yet. So me and my partner got them this Sticky Dates body cream or body lotion, sorry. We know that they really really like the smell. Um, so I hope that they like it. And I also got from Lush because I realized that there's like very few boycott safe soap brands.

[00:10:54]Like I went to a shop the other day and I scanned almost every single No, I think I scanned every single soap bar actually they had. The only one that wasn't BDS safe on like the No Thanks app was this one that like had loads of fragrances and stuff in and some people in my family have sensitive skin. So I was like, "Okay, that might not be the wisest to buy." So we got this watermelon soap from Lush. Lush is really good in terms of like the boycott and stuff. It is obviously a bit more expensive, but I feel Wait, hang on.

[00:11:20]This is a lot more expensive than I thought. Blush is obviously like a bit pricey, but I think since I'm able to afford it for now and a lot of like, for example, this one, I'm pretty sure part of the proceeds go towards charities that like help people in Gaza. And I feel like as far as I'm able to afford these things, then I would rather spend more money on things that like I agree with like their sustainability and their ethics rather than buying the cheaper soap that like is not BDS safe. for now while I can afford it. I got this watermelon soap. Um, and they also gave me I was basically saying to my partner like, "Smell this shampoo. Smell the shampoo. This is like my favorite shampoo ever." And then when we got to the counter, they gave me a little tester of it. I don't use the big shampoo. Oh my god, it's so good. I can't remember why I stopped using it. I think it was just a bit too drying for my hair, but it's so good. It smells amazing. Tempted to start using it again. Then I got a bunch of like stamps because I have quite a lot of stamps and I have like some ink pads. I actually got two more ink pads. You got to take me out of any stationary stores because I ended up spending a bit more than I planned to. But I got these two ink pads and a bunch of letters because I already have like I've got nice decorative stamps, but I don't have letters. So, this will be nice, I think. Then I got instead of black acrylic paint, this was a lot cheaper. This is black poster paint. And considering I'm already doing this on a budget, like I'm getting what's it called? Uh I'm using Mod Podge instead of the like matte medium or whatever, we can go a bit more on a budget. And yeah, this was like £2. So, super cool. I wasn't able to find any corks, but my partner said that his mom might have some, so he's going to check at home. And I got this glitter foam.

[00:12:50]This was literally the only foam they had. We checked like three stores and the only foam they had is glitter foam, which is fine cuz obviously like this side of it can still stamp well. So, I feel like I'll be able to use it for its intended purpose. I am just kind of dying at the idea of having to cut this cuz I feel like it's going to go all over my room and it's going to be a nightmare to have to clean up. But, there were no other options. So, that is what we got. I need to go make some food today. I am making tofu and mushroom chowine. Um I don't know if it's actually a chowine. Tofu and mushroom stir fry, which is one of my favorite meals. I'm really excited. Then afterwards, I think I'm going to go and read. I think I'm going to go to a park.

[00:13:23]Maybe the weather is not as nice as it was. It's become a bit colder, but I still really want to be outside. So, I think I'm going to go read outside. As I mentioned, I'm currently reading Hour of the Star, and I am 28 pages in out of 77. So, I feel like I'll be able to finish it today. Afterwards, I have two books I want to choose between, but I reckon I'm going to go out. I'm going to do some reading now, and then when I come back, we can discuss what I'm going to read because I'm very, very torn between two books.

[00:14:23]I have just finished near to the no [ __ ] hour of the star and I have some thoughts pending. I'm so tired guys. I don't know what has happened. I think it might be like I don't know if you can hear in my voice.

[00:14:36]I literally feel half asleep. I think it might be because I had that big ass meal which was so wonderful but super filling and then I let in bed for ages reading and I feel like laying in bed reading might not have been the move cuz I feel like my brain associated that with bedtime. I didn't end up going to the park. I mean it's still bright. Like I could go now. I'm kind of tempted to go after recording but we'll see. I keep being tempted to go to the park and then being too lazy to actually go. Yeah, I'm still like pending my thoughts about Hour of the Star. I keep calling it Near the Wild Heart. I don't know how I feel about it. It's definitely a brilliant book, but it didn't speak to me loads.

[00:15:09]Like I think I will think about it a lot and I think it depressed me quite a lot in the way that like cuz it's kind of written from the perspective of an author writing a book. So like the same way that the author spoke about how it's kind of depressing him. I feel like it was depressing me too. But I feel like that isn't like a bad thing. I feel like that almost was like partly the intention or not like the intention obviously it's a lot more complex than that. But I feel like the parts that depressed me made sense that they did.

[00:15:30]But yeah, basically like I was reading the translators like afterward or whatever. At one point they describe Clarissa Spectre as an unbearable genius and I think like that's the best way to put it where she writes so richly so densely and the way that she like plays with words is so brilliant. Like for me I think I'm quite a stickler. No, that's a lie cuz the only thing I ever write are like academic essays. So of course I'm a stickler for like spag, you know, like punctuation and grammar and like all the rules of language or whatever cuz I'm only writing essays. So like of course I would be. But I feel like the liberties she takes with language itself is so brilliant and I really really love the way she writes. I love the way that she chooses to play around with language itself. But it does make I feel like for me at least like if I were to rate it, it loses a few points because of the fact that it is because of that quite difficult to read. And I feel like maybe I'm just not very skilled reader. But for me personally, I find a bit of difficulty in how clever it is that like I find it a bit hard to really really really dive into her world. Like I feel like I keep getting distracted by little bits and every time I kind of hit a stride and I'm like really reading along with her, she'll say something so clever but so out of nowhere that I'll be really sucked out of the world. And I feel like reading her almost reminds me of what I've described in the past where I really struggle with reading books that are nonlinear because I feel like every time I'm finally actually focusing and like following what's happening in the world, I'm brought out of it and thrown into a completely new place in space and time or whatever. And I have to kind of like refigure out where I am and find my footing again. And I feel the same just in like the breadth of ideas that she discusses. It's wonderful. And I think she is so insanely talented. But for me and my personal qualms with reading certain things such as nonlinear books, I'm struggling a little bit. I feel like I would give it at first I thought an 8 out of 10. I think maybe like a seven out of 10 actually. But I also don't want to rate it yet cuz I feel like I need to digest it a little bit, but I really enjoyed it overall. It's also so short that I probably wouldn't have been regretful if I didn't enjoy it. But I really enjoyed it. I feel like this is a lot to think about, but I almost don't want to think about it because it was a bit depressing, but very beautiful in its own way. Like it wasn't depressing.

[00:17:35]I feel like to call it depressing would be to kind of almost like deny the autonomy of the main character. Like I feel like I as someone who lives a very privileged life in a lot of ways felt very sorry for her. But I feel like to feel sorry for her is kind of demeaning and kind of patronizing. So it's difficult. I feel like I need to reflect I feel like that within itself is an interesting thing to reflect on thanks to Clue Suspect. So yeah overall enjoyed it but like she lost me at some points.

[00:17:58]Next what I want to read. I'm trying to think if I want to read some more today.

[00:18:02]I was thinking of maybe doing a bit of work cuz I do have a bit of editing to do and I feel like I've really been like lazy all day and I kind of want to at least tell myself I've done something productive. But the three books that I have, the first one I know I'm not going to read right now because I'm taking a break from it. I am halfway through Susan Sags on photography. I'm really enjoying it. For those who don't know, it's like a collection of essays about photography, but also about like morality and philosophy and ethics and like a lot of stuff adjacent to photography through the lens of photography. Oh my goodness. Haha.

[00:18:28]Didn't even mean that. a lot of ideas that I explored through the lens of photography. It's really great. Like I'm halfway through, but I feel like because I was reading quite a lot of non-fiction last month and I really like ate this all up in one sitting. I feel like now pause. I need a break and I really enjoyed switching over to a story and I kind of want to read another story. I have two books and I already know I think which I'm going to start next. I have Anatalie Marian Hoff's Cynics which I'd never heard of before but was gifted to me by Penguin. Thank you so much Penguin. I don't know if they watch my videos, but if anyone from Penguin's watching this, thank you so much because I have never heard of this before. I didn't know what this was and then I read about it before I decided to say yes to the gift and I'm really excited to read it. I'll very briefly take a few parts from the blur. Bookish and idealistic Vladimir is tormented with love for Olga. Olga eventually agrees to marry him as her building central heating will be out of service all winter and with two in the bed they'll be warmer. When she decides she'd like to serve the revolution, he introduces her to his brother Sergey. Thus begins an excruciating love triangle measured in Russian coupons and black market goods. Marian Hoff's radical pitch black 1928 comedy is a blistering satire of Soviet Russia of working for the revolution and trying to ignore it banned for decades and now available in a new translation. I actually literally recorded a Tik Tok earlier today talking about what books I maybe want to read.

[00:19:44]It was like my May TBR except when I was recording it I kept saying April TBR and I had to like re-record the intro cuz I kept saying April. I don't know why I think it's April still. But I um was talking about this book and I was saying how like obviously I've not read it so I don't know but this is kind of the flavor of exactly the kind of romance I like. Aka doomed romance that is kind of awkward and really like everyone's tormented and everyone's in pain and no one's really enjoying themselves and you don't get a happy ever after. Oh my god.

[00:20:09]I have another book as well. I'm not going to read it now. But I do also really want to read Withering Heights.

[00:20:14]Speaking of like that kind of tormented love I was talking about. I'm even thinking, let me know what you guys think please in the comments cuz I've had a few recommendations for this but I want to hear if this is something people would actually like similarly to how I did the Donatar um secret history like reading vlog where I kind of as I was reading it I kind of recorded before I started what I thought and then like every 300 pages or 200 pages I recorded like a little update talking about what how I was finding the book. Would you guys like something similar for Withering Heights? And an additional question if you would like me to record a Withering Heights reading vlog would you like me to include spoilers? Like would you want it to be a readalong kind of like oh my god this is what I'm thinking right now about what's happening in the plot or do you want me to keep it kind of spoilerfree and vague like I did the secret history because I feel like if it's spoilerfree it's a bit more accessible but I feel like it's kind of more of a nothing burger you know I'm kind of not really giving much like I feel like with the secret history video I was a little bit like frustrated that I had so many thoughts and I literally could not talk about them because a lot of them were essentially spoilers to the plot. So, let me know if that's something you'd be interested in, but I'd love to potentially do that. In the meantime, though, as for like doomed, dreadful, horrible romance where no one's having fun. I feel like this might be a good book to start. And I've been saying for ages that I want to reread this, but I have also got The Idiot by Dosski. I love The Idiot so much. This is one of my favorite books ever, if not my favorite book ever. And I got this new translation from my partner for Christmas, and I really want to read it. And I've just not read it yet. And I feel like I can't keep saying this because I feel like I am going to eventually have another reading slump.

[00:21:43]Like I got to stop saying I'm going to read like 50 books and then not reading them because that's always what gives me a reading slump. I need to just tell myself I'm going to read Cynics. Boom.

[00:21:50]I'm going to finish on photography.

[00:21:52]Boom. I'm going to read The Idiot. Boom.

[00:21:54]I'm going to read Withering Heights.

[00:21:55]Boom. And I feel like that is a bit better. That's part of the reason also that I think it's really good that I'm doing a no book buying year. Also, as a side note, some people thought that that meant that I'm not buying any first-hand books. I wasn't buying first-hand books anyways. I really really recommend buying books secondhand. If you live in the UK, World of Books is super great and they have a huge selection and also are really cheap. So, I really recommend that. This year, I'm not buying any books at all. It was mostly to try to combat the fact that I was buying so many books and I had such a big selection and it felt quite greedy to keep buying books, especially if like the library is available and they have loads of books there. But also, I think like as a secondary motive that is like less important, but is also quite helpful. I feel like I have a really bad choice paralysis. Like you know when you open YouTube and you've got a delicious warm meal in front of you that is ready to be eaten and you're like okay I'm going to find a nice like maybe 20 minute video to kind of eat and digest while I watch. I always end up just scrolling for ages and never finding a video to watch. And by the time I found a video that maybe I'm interested in, I've already finished my food or like my food is cold and basically like I just get really bad choice paralysis when I have too much choice. So I feel like the fact I'm limited to just the books I have which for everyone who's seen my bookshelf like just the books I have is ridiculous. I have so many books. I have so so many books. I feel like being limited is quite good because I have choice paralysis already with just the books on my shelf. If I also gave myself the option to buy from World of Books, which you can get books on there for like 3 quid, including shipping. Like it's so cheap. I almost feel like mentally I felt like I had all the books available in the world at my fingertips.

[00:23:16]And I would just never end up reading cuz I'd always be like, "Okay, well, I want to read ABC. I'll just buy it. I want to read this. I'll just buy it."

[00:23:22]And then I'd end up not reading. Now I am limited in my choice. And I feel like I need to limit myself even further and just tell myself I have to read Cynics.

[00:23:29]So, okay. I guess I have to read Synics.

[00:24:13]I just got home because me and my friend went on an impromptu walk and it is now nearly midnight. So, I'm going to quickly get ready for bed and I'll update you guys tomorrow rather than tonight.

[00:24:27]Good morning. Sorry that I didn't end up recording last night. Last minute, my friend who I've not seen in ages messaged me and asked if I wanted to go on a walk and I did. And let me show you. Oh, I already took it downstairs for my birthday cuz I've not seen them in months. They brought my birthday present to give to me and they got me a huge like the biggest size Lush Sleepy shower gel. So [ __ ] blessed. Also, that's the same friend. I don't know if I showed you guys yesterday that I bought the sticky dates for. So, when I saw it, I was like, "No way. We're twinned up as hell." I ran out of like my Lush Sleepy thingy like months ago, but they're expensive. I love them so much, but they're expensive. So, I've not had a new one. I've just been using like other shower gel, but now I can use my favorite one again. So, thank you so much to them. And it was really nice going on a walk as well. I've not gone on a walk like later in the evening in ages, especially cuz it's been winter.

[00:25:13]So like the time that we were out, I mean it was dark, but it would have been like pitch pitch black dead of night, whereas like it was still a reasonable time to be out and about. So it was really wonderful, but obviously that meant I came home really late. Also, I like the mascara that I was wearing was like a waterproof one and so I have to use a different makeup remover to take it off. And usually I'm pretty good at taking off gently. I don't know what I did, but I don't know if you can see that my eyes really red and really swollen and it's just so painful and I feel like some of my lashes have ripped off. So not good. I think I'm going to take a break from wearing mascara for a little while today. I've had my breakfast already. I think I'm going to meditate because I've been loving meditating so much. Um, I'm going to use like my guided meditation. And I also think I'm going to journal because I've been enjoying journaling so much, guys.

[00:25:54]I can't remember how I used to make journaling content. Like, I can't remember what I used to do because it's such a solitary private activity. I think my biggest video on here is talking about like my journaling setup.

[00:26:05]But I feel like at the moment because I've kind of just gotten back into journaling, I almost like don't have anything to share because I've been doing it so like quietly and privately, if that makes sense. Something I really like to do in regards to journaling, cuz I know some people feel a bit stressed because they feel pressured to have to like write everything and they don't really know like where to start and how much they're supposed to write. The advice that I always give is to just like allow a kind of journaling system to naturally come about because I feel like if you pigeon hole yourself too much, and also don't take this advice if you don't want to. This is unsolicited advice. maybe this won't work. But for me at least, I found that like when I've tried to copy a journaling system that I've seen online and I've really wanted to make like super beautiful, super organized, very routine journaling entries, it's never really ended up working out because I I don't know, like for example, I am pretty forgetful. I often don't like to be told what to do and I feel like if I say to myself, I have to write three pages every single day, I'll become very resentful to that habit and I won't end up doing it.

[00:27:00]That's never really worked for me. I think also like this is like a niche thing that like maybe one day I'll talk about more in detail but like I don't lie. I don't want to say at all but like basically at all like I never lie and that is like a thing I feel because of my views around consent where I view consent as informed consent and I believe that to lie to someone is to deprive them of informed consent because I am purposefully misleading them. And for me lying does also include purposefully misleading. I also think that like I find lying quite patronizing because like who am I to believe that a certain way things should go is better than another way. And by lying I'm basically trying to take control of a situation. It's kind of off topic but basically like because of those views around lying which I hold very firmly. I feel like that in itself isn't unhealthy or anything. I'm really happy with those values that I have but they have sometimes kind of morphed into slightly unhealthier kind of like really intense worries that I might accidentally be misleading people. And weirdly that has also like become a thing with journaling where if I ever have tried to make a habit of like I have to say what happened today. I will become really fixated on like am I telling the absolute truth. This is really random and not really entirely relevant but like I guess a similar way that this thing manifests is that if let's say it's Tuesday the 23rd of April and 11:59 p.m. and I'm writing a journal entry.

[00:28:14]When the clock then strikes midnight and it's no longer Tuesday 23rd of April, it's now the 24th. I'd get really stressed about like am I misleading my future self? Even though I don't reread my diaries, I am like am I lying by continuing to write under the same day?

[00:28:28]And that's ridiculous. Like that's really unhealthy. I think that like that level of like very intense like fixation over making sure that I'm never accidentally misleading anyone including myself and including like that's the thing is I don't even reread my diary.

[00:28:40]So it's not about misleading my future self. It's about the act of misleading in itself that I am uncomfortable with.

[00:28:46]That is really off topic. Basically, because of that, I find that like that plus all the other stuff I said about not wanting like I don't know, not really being good at sticking to routines and stuff. I get a bit stressed out at the idea of having to write every single day what I've done. And additionally, a very big relevant thing I guess is that like I don't find it helpful either. Like I don't find having to write down everything that I've gone up to to be something that is particularly helpful for me. Like I just don't really feel like that provides any benefit to me. And so I don't really like doing that. For me, journaling is more so to help like process my thoughts and to kind of like reach conclusions, I guess. So, rather than writing about like today I went and did this and then this happened and then I ate this and then this happened, I tend to write like this is what's troubling right now, this is like a thought I had that I kind of want to explore because I feel like I've only had the seed of the thought and I want to see where I can take it and that is what I use my journaling for. I also do draw sometimes if that helps to kind of like express what I'm feeling. Um, I'm trying to like look for a page to show, but I realize all of this is like extremely personal. I also sometimes if I'm confused about something, like it doesn't always have to be like deep existential plaguing problems or anything. Sometimes it's just like I'm a bit confused about like the schedule I'm supposed to take. Like let's say when I was traveling, I wrote out like what I have to do in terms of like what steps I'm taking with traveling because I struggle a bit with that. Like my executive functioning is not really good. Sometimes I write it down like three times. Even though that like obviously this isn't my like day planner, so like this isn't what I'm going to refer to when I'm actually taking those steps, but writing them down helps to solidify in my mind what the steps are. So basically for me, journaling exists entirely as a consolidating process. Like for me, it's entirely like useful. I don't really relate to the idea of like having beautiful journals or like having journals that are gorgeous to look back on or like written really well in a way that is easily understandable. Like let's say in the future I read this back. This is something that is probably going to be a little bit difficult to make sense of because it's all just like helpful for me in the moment and it doesn't serve a function other than just like being paper that I can write on in a way that is useful for me in the moment. I do have some other thoughts about like my views on journaling. So, let me know if you'd want me to do like a longer video about that. Um, because I feel like I really find journaling so beneficial and particularly the way that I do it. Obviously, that wouldn't be beneficial for everyone. And that's why like everyone has their own systems and their own ways of interacting with journaling and with doing it. But for me, my system, by system, I mean lack of system has been so so so helpful. Like since doing it again, I'm like, "Oh my goodness, I can't believe I ever stopped doing it." So let me know if you'd like me to do a longer video about journing where I can explain why I make certain decisions, what I get out of it, blah blah blah, all that jazz. Anyways, I've been talking for a while and I need to go cuz I've got a busy day today. Um, not that busy, like it's still a day off, but I just have a lot of stuff I'd like to do. I really want to meditate now. I really want to journal. I need to make the um postcards that I've already shown you guys. I've not seen them yet, so I hope future Alex likes them. And I also want to start editing this video. I was going to study a bit, but I feel like I want to edit this video because I'm really excited to edit it because I don't think I've done a vlog in a while.

[00:31:39]Anyways, thank you so much for watching.

[00:31:40]Please like if you like this video.

[00:31:42]Please subscribe if you haven't already.

[00:31:44]I like to talk a lot on my channel. I talk about books. I hopefully be talking about journaling. I vlog sometimes like this where I chat. I also sometimes do a podcast. Um, so please subscribe if you're interested in hearing me talk some more. Please comment and let me know anything that you'd like, anything you liked in this video, anything you'd like to see from me. And I will see you guys next week. Bye-bye.