You Can Be A Good Person And Still Be The Problem

[00:00:00]I think it's hard for us to accept [music] some of our actions because we judge ourselves on what we meant to do.

[00:00:06][music] We know our intentions. And if we hurt somebody, we know we never [music] had meant to.

[00:00:13]We know that we were stressed or angry or confused or [music] just doing what we thought was best at the time. So, when someone tells us that we hurt them, our first [music] instinct is to defend ourselves.

[00:00:26]To say that we didn't mean to do that, that that's not what we were trying to do. We try to explain [music] exactly what we were trying to do.

[00:00:32]And maybe all of that is true. Maybe you didn't mean to hurt them.

[00:00:35]But they still [music] got hurt.

[00:00:39]Good intentions matter, of course, [music] but they don't erase the actual actions you've done to somebody.

[00:00:47]And all of my videos I make, I relate to a lot with this one a lot because I had a really good relationship with the sweetest girl I've ever met, and I ruined it because [music] my intentions didn't end up aligning with my actions. You know, I did what I thought was best instead of just listening and being vulnerable and [music] talking.

[00:01:06]And I ended up hurting them because, you know, what you think is best is not always what's best for other people. [music] And that's kind of weird cuz we can't see the world through someone else's view, so that's why communication is so important to understand >> [music] >> how different other people are and what they need cuz what is best for you isn't always what's best for someone else.

[00:01:27]>> [music] >> And I think we want this story to be so much more simple.

[00:01:32]Um >> [music] >> you know, there are good and bad people, sure, to an extent, and we try to be a good person, I hope most of us. I'm proud if you are.

[00:01:42]Sometimes the person that was failing you was just doing what they had [music] learned to do.

[00:01:47]And you might become the villain in someone's story without ever feeling like one in your own.

[00:01:52]>> [music] >> And that sucks.

[00:01:56]Because if they could see the world through your eyes, I don't think they would be as hurt or they'd [music] at least understand.

[00:02:03]But they will remember how you hurt them, >> [music] >> how you made them upset, just like you will them.

[00:02:09]Both people kind of walking away thinking [music] that they were on the right side and they were the one that um got hurt the most.

[00:02:19]And your version of what happened is [music] still only your version.

[00:02:27]And so your apology >> [music] >> if it's just you talking about well what you intended to do it doesn't do much, does it?

[00:02:36]>> [music] >> The real question is how can you prove that you're still a good person?

[00:02:41]And what did your actions feel like from their perspective?

[00:02:45]>> [music] >> You might not agree with every part of their story and you probably don't.

[00:02:49]That's why um things didn't align.

[00:02:54]But you can listen without ex- accepting the blame for everything. [music] Cuz your experience wasn't the only experience in the room. [music] And a lot of people, especially if you're less mature, [music] spend more time protecting what they did instead of you know acknowledging, taking accountability, and becoming [music] better.

[00:03:20]>> [music] >> Cuz who you are is not only what you feel inside, but it's what people repeatedly experience [music] from you.

[00:03:28]And it's painful to realize that maybe you were selfish [music] or that you weren't communicating right or weren't doing what's best for someone else or for the both of you just [music] for what's you.

[00:03:42]Um and you know if someone keeps asking for forgiveness without making the changes, then the apology really doesn't mean much, does [music] it?

[00:03:53]And that you were the problem doesn't mean that you should [music] hate yourself and feel guilty. It just means that that's good and you can learn and move on and be better cuz I think [music] some people come into your life just to truly change your perspective and and make you see things that you couldn't. [music] And unfortunately, if it wasn't for bad things like heartbreak, then you wouldn't [music] mature into the person you are now.

[00:04:15]So, I hope you understand that a good person can still be wrong. A good person can still hurt people.

[00:04:22]A good person can lose somebody [music] before they understand the lesson too late.

[00:04:30]But the difference is what you do after you see [music] it.

[00:04:33]I mean, do you keep defending yourself or do you change? [music] Because sometimes the most honest thing you can say is that, you [music] know, I didn't mean to hurt you, but I understand what I did.

[00:04:49]And sometimes becoming a better person begins with accepting that [music] being good was never supposed to mean you were incapable of being the problem.

[00:04:59]Cuz at the end of the day, none of us are perfect. None of us will ever be.

[00:05:02]>> [music] >> But we have the gift to get better every day. And if you have to use that, because the better person you are, >> [music] >> the more people like you, the better you make other people as well, and truly, the better that you just end up making [music] the entire world.

[00:05:20]And you don't know where the path will end. I thought it might end earlier. You don't know what you'll run into, but >> [music] >> you greet all the places with open arms and you keep going down your own path >> [music] >> the way that you know best.

[00:05:33]Because if you do things that you truly think are best for you >> [music] >> and actually put yourself in a good position and learn from your mistakes every time, then you will be unstoppable as you slowly turn into the best version of yourself.

[00:05:45]>> [music]