Cancer Has Grown (Results) *Cancer Journey 2026*

Added: 2026-05-31

[00:00:00]Good morning, my loving Tiffany. Thanks, family. Today is the day that I go to the hospital because I have treatment tomorrow. So, I'm going to get my blood test done. I'm going to have height, weight, urine sample, all the checks that need to be done will be done today.

[00:00:17]And if everything's okay, the doctor signs me off for treatment tomorrow. I don't think they have the results for the scan. If you watched my video before, then you know I had a CT scan.

[00:00:30]Um, and they booked in the scan earlier because of my voice and, you know, the vocal cord situation. So, I don't think I don't think they'll have the results.

[00:00:41]Also, the weather is so odd today because it's kind of raining, but then it's also very sunny.

[00:00:50]So, it's kind of Yeah, very weird weather, but it is what it is. Look, the sun's coming out now.

[00:00:55]But yeah, so I don't think I'm not going to think about it because if I think about it, last night Matt and I we spoke about results and I was saying I was saying to him it can't be cuz they can't get results. I know with the clinical trial they do things a lot quicker so that they might have the results but I don't think so. I don't know. I don't know. We'll know when I get there. Um but if they have it that's great because then we know what's going on. And also I was saying to Matt yesterday, God's got me through so much already. So no matter what the results are, I'll get through it, you know, because I've got through so much already. So that's the mindset today. I'm not going to overthink it today. I'm just going to go to the hospital and then it's a tick tick tick. I've got the we got this sweatshirt on. I always say whenever we go to the hospital, we got to wear the we got this merch or the tick tick tick merch. which I'll leave a link down in the description box below as always. But yeah, that's my mentality today. I'm not going to overthink things. I just let me go to the hospital, get it all done, and then we'll go from there. I've got my coconut water. I've got my AirPods in here.

[00:02:08]Wait, did I bring my Yeah, I've got my AirPods in here. So, and I've got my journal so I can get things done, you know, write my to-do lists and just keep busy because in the hospital what usually happens when they do all the checks, you know, the blood test and everything, there's kind of a bit of a wait before I see the doctor before because they need to get all the results, right, for the blood test and urine sample and all of that. So, it is a little bit of a um long day, but things just getting checked. You know, it is it is what it is. And tomorrow's treatment. Oh gosh.

[00:02:49]Treatment's not easy. But my voice as well. There's moments where I think, "Oh, my voice sounds okay today." And then there's moments where I think, "Nah, I don't I don't sound right." I'm here at the hospital now.

[00:03:08]Hello. Good. How are you? I've got a port as well.

[00:03:13]>> That's why it sounds like this.

[00:03:22]>> Blood test done. Tick tick tick. And the pig. No, the port has been accessed and it's going to be left in because I have treatment tomorrow.

[00:03:32]They did get the results and um I'm just in shock.

[00:03:44]It is a little bit later. I've had time to process and you know in the hospital there's a little chapel. So, I just kind of sat there, did a little bit of breathing exercises, said a little prayer, and I can't control anything. That's the thing. I have to keep telling myself this is all out of my control. Let me tell you the results because I think I was didn't want to talk to you at the hospital because I kept crying and I don't want to cry. I just want to understand. And so basically what they're saying is in my neck, you know, the cancer in my neck has grown. The cancer in the rib has stayed stable. So the clinical trial has been working for, you know, the rib area that's been stable, but the one in my neck has grown. And so because it's grown, they're going to stop the clinical trial now. The doctor was so lovely and kind of I didn't expect I didn't expect to get results today because it was so soon after the scan. I didn't think about you know today would be results. I I don't know. I just thought how can they get the results so quickly but they have and it makes sense with the clinical trial everything happens a lot quicker. So I'm not having treatment tomorrow. I've I've taken the port, you know, it was accessed. That's all been taken out because I normally get it accessed because normally I have treatment. Um, so I'm not going to have treatment tomorrow. They're going to refer me to see if I can have radiotherapy.

[00:05:21]That was what was that was what I was going to have before the clinical trial.

[00:05:25]Do you remember? I was going to have radiotherapy and then this clinical trial came along and so we said we would do this first. I have had radiotherapy in the past. I always get questions whether I've had radiotherapy to my neck. I haven't, but I have had radiotherapy to my pelvic area in the past. It does make sense because of my voice and the vocal cord. It does make sense that the cancer has grown. Um, there is no point me crying. There is no point me being upset. And the only thing is I have to tell Amma and I have to tell Matt. They're both at work and the plan was to come home and then we go to treatment tomorrow. I'm thinking I'll tell them tonight. Um that's going to be difficult because I just know it's going to break them. But if I say if I stay strong and tell them this doesn't mean it's over. It doesn't mean you know it it just means that we need to try another treatment plan. And the clinical trial has helped me for such a long time. It kept things stable for a long time. So I'm grateful to that. And I'm grateful that I was even allowed to kind of go on the trial, you know. Um, oh gosh, it's such, you know, all of this is so hard mentally. so so hard mentally because even when the doctors were telling me I just kept crying and I just couldn't stop and I wanted I just asked him what's now what happens now you know what happens and he says right he's contacting the radiotherapy department and we need to kind of stop the growth in my neck um and that's why it's kind of affecting my vocal cord because it's grown which makes sense doesn't it?

[00:07:30]Because the only thing is it kind of it's kind of scary how much it's grown in the past kind of few months because my scan wasn't that long ago. I wrote down I wrote it down because I knew um I knew I would kind of blank out. So I was kind of writing down on my phone even though I had my journal. I just kind of wrote it down on my phone. So, it's gone from three to 4.4 cm, but the rib has stayed stable. So, that's the positive is that it hasn't gone anywhere else. The rib area is stable, but the neck, the cancer in the neck has grown.

[00:08:20]And you know what?

[00:08:22]I keep telling myself that God's got me through so much. So, it's just another step to the journey, right? We'll go and have radiotherapy. Hopefully, that can be done to my neck. Um, I just have to wait now for the next appointment.

[00:08:45]I asked him whether, you know, I didn't go to my speech therapist appointment because I wasn't well and that's been rebooked. So, I asked him, should I still go to that? and he said, "Yes, definitely go to that appointment." Um, so I'll still go to that. Um, I'm just kind of, you know, when you're just a bit like, what is going on? And how much can how much does one person take, you know, but you are a lot stronger than you think and um I keep telling myself that like I am stronger than I am strong and I have gone through a lot. This isn't the end. This doesn't mean this is the worst news ever. There could be like, you know, that I could think about I can think think about five 10 scenarios that is worse than what I've heard today. Um, I just feel like it's just one thing after the next after the next after the next, you know, and I sound really um, is it self-absorbed? Is that the word? I don't know. I sound like I don't I don't want to complain because I'm not the only person going through it. But it's just it doesn't feel it just feels like there's how much longer, you know, how much longer do you take all this and have to process it and be strong and get through this and get through that.

[00:10:25]Yeah, it is. It is what it is. I can't.

[00:10:30]It's just heartbreaking to have to tell Amma and Matt again like we've had such good news with everything being stable for a long time. So now to be now to tell them there's no treatment tomorrow.

[00:10:45]Just have to wait and see what the next steps are. Really, I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to feel like when this whole vocal cord issue happened. I feel sorry I don't even know if I was in foc I don't even know where I'm I don't know I'm just kind of staring out. Um yeah when the whole vocal cord issue happened I kind of shut off because I had an inkling. It didn't make sense to why my vocal cord the right vocal cord and my voice why it all changed. But then I kept thinking maybe it's just nerve damage. Maybe, you know, you tell yourself, you know, you want to believe that everything's okay and everything's going to be okay. And I don't know, is it going to be okay?

[00:11:31]Is it going to be okay or am I just delusional?

[00:11:37]I feel so angry and upset and I don't know. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to say. I don't know why things keep happening like this and why can't things stay stable for like 10 years you know why does thing why do why does it have to change oh gosh I have to just stop you know I the reason I didn't pick up the camera earlier is because I didn't want to cry and then I just can't stop crying as well and nothing makes sense Right. Why? Why does things Why nothing makes sense?

[00:12:23]I just How can the cancer have grown so quickly in that time? I don't get it because nothing changed.

[00:12:34]Was going to all the treatments. I did everything, you know? I don't know. I It is This is life, right? This is my life.

[00:12:42]And I have to kind of I have to um I have to pull myself together because I if I'm strong and Matt feel good and they if I'm like emotional and upset and hurt they know that. So, I just need to kind of I need to I need to just block it out because this all of this is out of my control. I just have to believe that I will have radiotherapy.

[00:13:23]Things will get smaller or how do we know the radiotherapy won't just vanish the cancer in my neck? The only thing I'm concerned about is they'll do the radiotherapy to my neck, but then the cancer in the rib isn't getting any treatment. So, what will happen then? You know, will that change?

[00:13:45]So I have so many I think once I see the radiotherapy team I can ask them that that ask them what happens because they're going to focus on the neck but then we leave the rib the cancer in the rib area do we leave that alone but then won't things change there and then start spreading and you know what happens I just don't know can you can I have treatment alongside radiotherapy they're not going to let me carry on with the clinical trial because they might put me back on it. Who knows? See, this is the thing. I don't know. And I didn't have these questions um then, you know, because I'm trying to process everything, understand that I'm not going to be on the clinical trial. Um and then I was thinking about the neck.

[00:14:34]It's only when I sat down, I was thinking, what happens if they just focus on the neck and leave the rib?

[00:14:43]because they need to focus on both areas, don't they?

[00:14:48]I'm sure they're having discussions. I'm sure they'll talk about it in the MDT and then update me. I haven't eaten all day. I haven't even I had my coconut water, but my tummy feels really like, you know, when I just feel so anxious, I can't even think about food. Um, but I just know that my whole kind of everything's dried up because I should eat something.

[00:15:15]My darling comes home from work. I have to tell him I will tell him and then will come. I'll tell her and then you know what? We've been through so much. Um so this is something else we all will get through together. I don't want any of you to worry because I have um Sorry, I thought someone was I think he was kind of talking about my parking.

[00:15:43]I think my parking's okay, but he's kind of pointing at it. Maybe I haven't parked well. I think yeah, we've all gone through a lot together already, so I do believe we'll get through this as well. You know, we've been through a lot a lot.

[00:15:59]It just seems so unfair. Do you know?

[00:16:02]Like I always think like I'm going through this, but then Matt and they're they don't deserve to go through this.

[00:16:10]Um it's just Oh, I need to just go for a little walk or something or just sit on a bench and just have some time before I go home.

[00:16:25]Um, yeah, let's do that. Let's get some fresh air.