This was the most unhinged moment in Pixar history.

[00:00:00]I'm sorry I killed your mom.

[00:00:03]>> Ladies and gentlemen, the protagonist of our story.

[00:00:09]>> So, the movie begins when a little girl named Mabel organizes an animalbacked revolt against the oppressive hand of her elementary school teachers and her non-existent parents ship her out to grandma's who's all like, "Girl, sit your ass down and listen to the goddamn sounds of beautiful [ __ ] nature, you adorable little shit." And quite frankly, I love this scene. It's basically just two whole minutes of the main character chilling out and touching grass, which I know doesn't really sound like anything noteworthy, but given how recent animated films are so desperate to kick things off with a high action setpiece because these darn zoomers can't pay attention to anything for more than 2 seconds, unless it has bright pulsating colors that are 87% likely to induce massive seizures. I respect Hoppers for going against the grain for once. So, several years after Grandma vaguely dies, the animals have mysteriously vanished. And this government dude is trying to tear the glade down for something called a freeway. And older Mabel tells him to eat dirt. Jerry then goes on to tell her the biggest [ __ ] lie that has ever been uttered. Get a bunch of people to sign a petition and the politicians will change their mind. It doesn't work out, surprisingly enough. And due to Mabel having dog [ __ ] communication skills, she wastes the whole day helping out this random old guy run some errands around his house. But even though this does absolutely nothing to help out the cause, Mabel, despite everything we've come to expect of her, is actually kind of okay with this. I mean, yeah, it sucks that she wasn't able to reach her goal. But the fact that she made a small difference in somebody's life fills her with a sense of accomplishment that even she didn't come to expect. Almost like there's more to this character than hugging trees and eating uncooked ramen.

[00:01:49]Anyway, the plot ensues and Mabel discovers her professors are a pair of hot old lady scientists who transfer their consciousness into androids in order to bone the animal kingdom. She also realizes that this affront to nature is the key to saving the glade.

[00:02:03]And she hops herself in order to gather the lost woodland creatures and make them come back home. This is where we meet Louis Duck dressed up as Panda, dressed up as Bobby Moahan, dressed up as a beaver, dressed up as the Mammal King. And while he seems like he would be the stereotypical, goofy, far too silly to be taken seriously type of authority figure character, it turns out that George is actually pretty reasonable and effective at getting things done. Like, yeah, migrating everyone to the same location is not the best response to an overpopulation crisis, but it was probably the best that they could manage on such short notice, you know, given the circumstances. See, it turns out Jerry's kind of a Chad who erected a giant rod to blast out a guster of white noise in order to keep the animals away, which leads to the worst joke in the entire movie.

[00:02:54]>> There's just this noise. It sounds like UM >> it's like it is, >> you know, LIKE A [screaming] And I'm like, really, Pixar? Do you not realize how juvenile and trit this all is? For someone who's supposed to be the pioneer of visual storytelling, this type of thing just comes off as annoying and sad, and I can't even begin to explain just how wrong this all is.

[00:03:33]Obviously, the noise sounds LIKE [screaming] ANYWAY, Mabel kicks the rod down and the animals have a big end of the movie dance party, as they do. Now, I must confess, by this point in the movie, I was relatively underwhelmed. Like, don't get me wrong, I like the opening montage, and the characters are not without their charms, but the comedy just came off a little flat for me at times, and the overall conflict felt more suited to a directed TV special rather than a featurelength film. It was the same sense of dread I got while I was watching Elio. And I feared that to my great disappointment, I would be forced to bestow Hoppers the incredible dishonor of being yet another phenomenally mid Pixar movie.

[00:04:29][screaming] >> So Jerry erects even more of his rods to compensate for the flaccid one, and Mabel and George call upon the council of very expensive guest stars in order to figure out their next move. Luckily, Mabel proves to be an excellent political negotiator, and the plan that she comes up with is based off a trust, diplomacy, and a mutual understanding that serves to benefit all parties involved. When will you learn it if we got to go?

[00:05:10]>> All right, let's just take a couple seconds to digest what just happened here. An elderly woman who was the reigning monarch for a substantial amount of years and was well respected by not just her citizens but also her fellow council members was just sumearily murdered at the hands of another king's personal advisor who then mind you chose to wipe their bloody remains on a rock like a piece of wet tissue paper. All of which happened in front of the late queen's son, as well as the most powerful political figures on the entire planet. And to top it all off, the queen's son expresses zero grievance over his mother's death and only sees this as an opportunity to ascend the throne and assume ultimate power. What in the Game of Thrones just happened here? I did not sign up for this, man. I thought I was watching some silly animal comedy about cute beaver shenanigans whose only purpose was to tell a basic overplayed message about friendship or something. No one told me I would have to cross manslaughter off of my main character bingo card here.

[00:06:16]Like, I'm all for dark comedies and all, but Jesus Christ, I haven't seen a twist this diabolical since the time they made Nani go to college in California to study marine biology instead of, you know, her very wet and aquatic home state of [ __ ] Hawaii. To say my theater exploded in horrified laughter at this part is putting it precisely.

[00:06:37]And that was the moment when I realized what Pixar has been missing in these last couple of films. [ __ ] Actual visible [ __ ] Allow me to explain.

[00:06:49]The ass is a very normal and natural function that which every human being has by virtue of being alive. Some people have an enormous ass which causes them to do shitty, filthy, unspeakable things to other people's consternation.

[00:07:04]And that's because most people, like you and me, have a perfectly reasonable size ass, which is relatively clean and not something you try to expose to the people you care about. Regardless of your specific size, however, the ass is unfortunately a crack on the human condition that can never be truly contained and virtually everyone is capable of firing it off. This is where I suggest Disney and Pixar have started to fall flat recently. They want us to believe that everyone is so pure and innocent and that no true [ __ ] actually exist and that any [ __ ] stain on the world just either naturally occurs out of happen stance or can be attributed to some misunderstood mental diarrhea in which case no one can really blame you for. And that is a complete load of doodoo. Look, I'm all for stories about generational trauma and repairing damaged relationships, but sometimes you need a designated punching bag in order to get those higher level themes across. Hell, it doesn't even have to be a villain. Having characters that do terrible things that result in real lasting consequences can also have that same emotional gravitas. I'm just saying a little childhood trauma never hurt anybody. So, why don't we just let things feel dangerous again? Put your characters in moral peril. Instill the fear of God in your audience and let them feel relieved to finally earn that happy ending. This, my friends, is where Hoppers ultimately shines. If you thought the main character committing manslaughter was bad, I can happily say that that was only the tip of the iceberg. Mabel Squad takes Jerry hostage in order to save him from a bunch of bloodthirsty assassins, and that actually leads to some pretty fantastic imagery. Can't say I've seen another movie where a flock of birds airlift a great white shark in order to assassinate a politician trapped inside a vehicle being driven by a beaver robot with a 19-year-old girl's brain. But that's just the kind of movie this is.

[00:09:01]Nor was I expecting the new insect king to bound our heroes, strip the politician down to his underwear, and then force the two scientist ladies at gunpoint to 3D print the politician's body so he can transfer his consciousness into the mold and attend a rally where he plans to unleash his rod at a frequency so high that it will make every human in a 50-mi vicinity implode, thereby allowing the insects to impose a new world order. Yeah. So, I don't know about you guys, but I was not expecting Hoppers to be a stealth horror movie cuz it sure as hell was not marketed as one.

[00:09:38]But honestly, I'm kind of okay with that. Like I said, I do think animated movies need to start pushing the envelope and not be afraid to scar children a little bit. But I also understand that a dangerous plot with lives on the line is only effective if you actually care about those potential lost lives in the first place. And thankfully, the Hoppers casts are all very easy to care about. Mabel and George, as I said, have layers that you might not expect from them at first glance. And it works because these surprises only enhance their core personalities rather than contradict them. You also see this in the animals, who, despite initially coming off as a bunch of weird dumb asses, actually prove to be a very morally sound lot, who are willing to go outside their comfort zone to save the glade. even if they did just try to murder a man a few hours ago. And speaking of whom, Mayor Jerry is probably the best example of having more underneath the surface because his very obvious and expected change of heart doesn't just show up out of thin air. Yeah, he's a bit dodgy in his methods, but the film also does this really cool thing that they do where they use jokes as subtle hints of characterization. Those quick scenes of him telling Mabel to piss off because his mother was asleep and then starting the morning off by making pancakes for that same mother were not just amusing gags, but were also critical in showing off his more humane side. I don't even care that it's told [ __ ] that this new sum looking ass would be willing to get his hands dirty and compromise on a $10 million project because a teenage girl told him so. I don't look for realism in my stories, man. I look for consistency. And Hoppers, despite how it may first appear, is a very consistent work of art. Yeah, it's no Toy Story or Cocoa, and it doesn't have quite the visual sauce that a lot of its predecessors had. But what Hoppers has that other Pixar movies do not is a very sick and immoral age gap ship between a 19-year-old college girl and a 51-year-old politician.

[00:11:41]Yo, Tombstarter, shouldn't you have covered this movie back in March when it was still in theaters and people were actively talking about it? I mean, yeah, but wouldn't it be a better use of my time to buy a home and spend every waking moment learning about mortgage and property maintenance while spending all my free time playing trading card games in order to distract from the fact that this was all a misguided attempt to live an independent life and that I'm actually a stunted adult with zero adulting skills whatsoever and that being a YouTuber who gets most of his income through ad revenue is not a sustainable job anymore since my inability to compromise on my craft means that this video will probably get demonetized, meaning I won't be earning any money when I absolutely need it the most, thereby By putting me in a position where I have to beg people to join my Patreon when I barely have any perks to offer. That depends. Which card game? Yu-Gi-Oh!