Going Out Was a Mistake

[00:00:00]Babe, our driver's been waiting for a while. We got to go.

[00:00:02]>> I know. I know.

[00:00:04]I'm sorry it took me a while to get ready.

[00:00:06]>> It's all right.

[00:00:08]>> To be fair, you ordered the Uber way too early. I wasn't even dressed yet.

[00:00:11]>> That's not true. I I I >> Oh my god, are you tired?

[00:00:15]Yes, you are. I thought you were the one that wanted to to go out and party.

[00:00:19]>> I did, but then I thought about that, and that sounds like it sucks, and watching Golden Girls was pretty great, so >> Really?

[00:00:26]>> Yeah.

[00:00:27]>> Oh, let's just cancel. We can take Blake out to a birthday dinner another time, and there's going to be plenty of people there.

[00:00:32]>> Yeah. Yeah, let's just I'm just going to cancel the Uber.

[00:00:35]>> Hey guys, what's the hold up?

[00:00:38]I've been waiting for a very long time.

[00:00:40]>> Super sorry about this. We're actually just going to cancel.

[00:00:42]>> What? No, no, no. You already confirmed [music] the ride. Get in the car. I'm going to drive you.

[00:00:47]>> I'm so sorry. Um we're actually just going to stay home and and have a chill night in.

[00:00:50]>> The [ __ ] you are. [music] >> Oh my >> What the [ __ ] >> What the [ __ ] >> [gasps] >> He was insane.

[00:01:00]>> I told you we should have stayed in tonight.

[00:01:03]>> [panting] [music] >> Okay, we have to make a decision. Are we staying in or going out?

[00:01:14]>> Well, I don't know. I kind of just want to stay home and watch Golden Girls.

[00:01:17]>> I know. I know, but come on. It's Blake's 30th. I feel like we need to go.

[00:01:20]>> But then then we still have to get dressed and and pre-game and and then we have to call an Uber.

[00:01:25]>> But Ubers are fun.

[00:01:26]>> Ubers are not fun.

[00:01:27]>> Yeah, they are. You get to hear the guys' stories and stuff.

[00:01:31]>> drivers are absolutely insane. Every single one of them wants to tell you about their political beliefs.

[00:01:35]>> Oh yeah, like the ACAB guy.

[00:01:36]>> Exactly like the ACAB guy.

[00:01:38]>> All cameras are birds.

[00:01:40]>> started feeding my phone [ __ ] bird seed.

[00:01:42]>> Okay, yes, but that is a story, right?

[00:01:46]And if we go out tonight, we could get another story.

[00:01:49]>> And what makes you think I have the energy for another story?

[00:01:52]>> What would Sophia do?

[00:01:55]Huh?

[00:01:57]>> Sophia would take her ass out >> [snorts] >> to Blake's party.

[00:02:03]>> Yeah, she would.

[00:02:03]>> She would dance.

[00:02:05]>> Mhm.

[00:02:06]>> She would drink.

[00:02:07]>> Yes, she would.

[00:02:07]>> She would have fun.

[00:02:08]>> I'm tired, too, but we're going to have fun once we get there.

[00:02:10]>> Okay, let me just go get something cute.

[00:02:13]I don't I can't wear sweats to this bar.

[00:02:19]>> I told you we should have stayed in tonight.

[00:02:24]>> [sighs] >> God damn white people.

[00:02:29]What the [ __ ] am I going to do?

[00:02:34]>> [music] [laughter] >> Should I go to work tonight or do you want to hang out with you?

[00:03:11]>> I don't care what you do. I'm watching Golden Girls.

[00:03:15]>> Do you want to watch Golden Girls with you?

[00:03:17]>> Shut up.

[00:03:18]Shut up. I can't hear Sophia's sass. You need to shut your mouth before I shut up for you.

[00:03:24]>> Mary.

[00:03:25]>> Mary, Mary, Mary. You are so annoying.

[00:03:28]I should have listened to my parents and never married you.

[00:03:30]>> You don't know what you're saying.

[00:03:32]You're going to regret that. Your parents don't know what the heck they're talking about.

[00:03:40]Mary.

[00:03:42]Mary, I spent hours making that for you.

[00:03:45]You're acting like a child.

[00:03:46]>> You're acting like A CHILD. SHUT UP.

[00:03:49][screaming] >> OH MY GOD.

[00:03:51]>> I'm not going to clean any of this up.

[00:03:52]>> Fine.

[00:03:53]I'm just going to go to work.

[00:03:56]I love you.

[00:03:57]>> I love you.

[00:03:59]>> You are a weak man.

[00:04:13]>> For red?

[00:04:21]So you guys are headed to the shipyard?

[00:04:23]>> Mhm.

[00:04:24]>> Yep.

[00:04:25]>> That's pretty fancy.

[00:04:31]>> No worries. You guys are just like my wife.

[00:04:35]Prefer me silent.

[00:04:36]>> Is your wife?

[00:04:40]>> Yeah. Why do you have a picture of my [music] wife? How do you know who my wife is?

[00:04:45]>> Alfred, we know everything about you.

[00:04:48]About your wife.

[00:04:49]Where she eats.

[00:04:51]Where she does Pilates.

[00:04:52]>> [ __ ] Orange Theory.

[00:04:54]>> [music] >> We know she's watching Golden Girls right now. Love that show.

[00:04:57]>> God damn bingeable.

[00:04:59]>> Unfortunately for you, we currently have a sniper [music] positioned on her.

[00:05:02]>> Is this like a prank or you guys serious?

[00:05:04]>> We're serious as sin. You have to do what we ask or we'll yellow her ass.

[00:05:07]>> Please don't hurt her. I'll do whatever you want. [music] I swear.

[00:05:11]>> Great. The task is simple.

[00:05:14]Very simple.

[00:05:15]>> We need you to kidnap a man.

[00:05:17]>> Kidnap a man? What? [music] Who?

[00:05:18]>> Doesn't matter.

[00:05:20]Any man.

[00:05:22]He just needs to look unremarkable.

[00:05:24]>> But be able to accomplish the remarkable.

[00:05:26]>> That is so vague.

[00:05:28]>> You'll figure it out.

[00:05:30]I know you will.

[00:05:32]Because you love your wife.

[00:05:33]>> And you love her not dead.

[00:05:35]>> Okay. Uh how do I start? Do I like buy rope?

[00:05:39]>> Drop us off here, please. When you have him, bring him to the shipyard alive.

[00:05:43]Don't go crazy now.

[00:05:46]>> Wait. Wait. [music] Wait. Wait. Who are you guys?

[00:05:51]>> We're just a couple [music] of concerned citizens trying to make the world a better place.

[00:05:55]>> We're Keyser Söze, [ __ ] >> [music] >> I should have stayed in.

[00:06:09]>> What's the hold up? I've been waiting for a very long time.

[00:06:12]>> What the [ __ ] >> What am I going to do?

[00:06:22]>> [music] [laughter] >> Sophia's sass never gets old. Golden Girls rules.

[00:06:30]>> Totally.

[00:06:32]Oh, shoot. Babe, I just realized I left my phone charger in the car.

[00:06:35]>> Oh, it's not a problem. I'll I'll just go grab it.

[00:06:39]>> Wait, are you sure you want to go out tonight? I thought we were going to stay in.

[00:06:41]>> Yeah, and the car's parked right down the road. It's It's no big deal.

[00:06:44]>> But it's late, so I don't want anything to happen to you.

[00:06:46]>> [laughter] >> Nothing's going to happen to me. I'll be fine.

[00:06:48]>> You don't know that. My uncle got kidnapped last week, just a few blocks from here.

[00:06:54]>> Yeah, because he was doing black market dog surgery. That [ __ ] is shady.

[00:06:57]>> That's true.

[00:06:58]But, he's the reason Buster's still alive.

[00:07:01]>> Look, I I don't want to get into that again. All right, I'll I'll just go grab it. It's no big deal.

[00:07:05]>> Don't die. The streets are dangerous.

[00:07:08]>> The streets of Burbank?

[00:07:09]What's going to get me? The mouse?

[00:07:11]>> You do carry cheese in your pocket.

[00:07:12]>> going to grab the charger, all right?

[00:07:13]>> Okay.

[00:07:17]Come on.

[00:07:18]>> I'm hungry.

[00:07:18]>> She is so paranoid.

[00:07:21]Very kind, but very paranoid.

[00:07:25]I got to stop talking to myself.

[00:07:39]Oh.

[00:07:42]What the [ __ ] Where am I?

[00:07:47]>> [bell] [bell] >> Mhm.

[00:08:25]Delicious.

[00:08:27]I know.

[00:08:36]>> Good morning, Mr. Cedar.

[00:08:37]>> Hello.

[00:08:38]>> I hope you feel well rested. You have a busy week ahead of you.

[00:08:41]>> What What What Where am I?

[00:08:46]>> You're currently in a shipping container on board a cargo ship, and that motherfucker's heading straight to the Arabian Sea.

[00:08:53]>> I'm sorry, what? [music] >> You're being sent on a very important mission.

[00:08:57]Congratulations.

[00:08:58]>> Wait, are you Are Are you the guys that kidnapped me?

[00:09:00]>> No, but we're the guys who will make your life a lot worse if you don't do what we say.

[00:09:05]Check the iPad.

[00:09:09]>> I Yeah, I I I don't I don't know what I'm looking at.

[00:09:12]>> [ __ ] He's looking at the wrong one.

[00:09:14]Scroll.

[00:09:16]>> Oh my god, what the [ __ ] >> You have a decision to make, Mr. Cedar.

[00:09:19]Either do what we say or your little girlfriend will die.

[00:09:22]>> No, no, no. I'll do I'll do whatever.

[00:09:23]Just Just tell me what to do.

[00:09:24]>> We're sending you to Israel.

[00:09:26]>> To Israel?

[00:09:28]But what do you want me to stop the war or something?

[00:09:31]>> No. No. We got other people on that.

[00:09:33]>> John Michael, are you familiar with the canceled actor Kevin Spacey?

[00:09:37]>> Um Yeah.

[00:09:39]>> Well, what you might not be familiar with is Spacey has taken up residency in Israel.

[00:09:43]>> He sings, dances, does a little vaudeville.

[00:09:49]>> We need someone to infiltrate his operation.

[00:09:51]Take him out.

[00:09:53]>> Okay, so you want me to kill Kevin Spacey?

[00:09:55]>> Yes.

[00:09:56]We can't have Frank Underwood tap dancing in Israel.

[00:09:59]>> Right, but I don't really understand why, though.

[00:10:01]>> That's not your question to ask.

[00:10:02]>> I I don't know. I Honestly, it seems a little crazy to me.

[00:10:05]>> If you want us to kill your girl >> No, no. Okay, I'll do it. I'll I'll try.

[00:10:07]I guess I'll try to kill him.

[00:10:09]>> Very good.

[00:10:10]>> I will try to kill Kevin Spacey.

[00:10:14]>> Precisely.

[00:10:15]>> Yep. I don't know. I'll get off this ship.

[00:10:17]>> Mhm.

[00:10:17]>> Precisely.

[00:10:18]>> He's probably in some building >> Uh-huh.

[00:10:20]>> in the Grand Theater. I will go to a event and >> in the Grand Theater.

[00:10:24]>> Look for him. I will Yeah, I will I'll spot him.

[00:10:26]>> Yep.

[00:10:27]>> Yep. I will pull out a gun.

[00:10:28]>> You'll have a gun.

[00:10:29]>> I have a gun.

[00:10:30]>> You'll have a gun.

[00:10:31]>> I'm going to kill I'm going to pull the trigger. I'm going to take the safety off. I'm going to shoot Kevin Spacey.

[00:10:36]>> Shoot in the temple.

[00:10:36]>> Everything will be good. Yeah, I can do this. Everything will be good.

[00:10:39]>> Everything's going to be great.

[00:10:40]>> Your girlfriend will be alive.

[00:10:41]>> Yes.

[00:10:42]And my girlfriend will be alive. That that's That's awesome.

[00:10:45]>> That is awesome.

[00:10:47]Now, next to you you'll find a new identity, a gun, and tap shoes.

[00:10:52]Good luck, Mr. Cedar. We'll see you in a brighter future.

[00:10:57]>> Wow.

[00:10:58]I guess I really should have stayed in tonight.