Twinnuendo | Episode 88: 2Twins 2Voicemails 2Furious

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:00]Hi, I'm Drew, a drag queen living in LA with my husband and he's asleep. He's got a husband, he's got a dog, and just anyway, he's really tired. And if you're watching the video, you know that. I didn't have to say that, but I'm Grant and I'm like straight and stuff and I've got a wife, four kids. I live in Florida. Used to be a pastor. It doesn't matter. On this week's episode, Drew gives it his all.

[00:00:28]He he's awake most of the time. We we answer some voicemails. We talk about rectal dilators from the from the early 20th century. And uh my son is transcribing graves for digital records now. So that's kind of cool. All right. Anyway, I'm going to go uh Drew. Oh, and he's sleep dancing. And he's sleep dancing now. That is uh he's in REM sleep. That's what he does. So anyway, enjoy the show. And uh Drew's gonna get some sleep.

[00:01:05]>> Hi, I'm Drew and I'm tired.

[00:01:09]And I'm Grant and I'm just I'm keeping it together for both of us right now.

[00:01:13]>> Thank you, >> Drew. When was the last time you slept, my guy?

[00:01:17]>> Well, um you know what? That's none of my business. If that was for me to know, I would know it.

[00:01:24]>> Yeah. Yeah. Maybe the I just had a very packed few days.

[00:01:30]>> Alexexas had a bit of a manic episode and she booked >> uh two podcasts two days in a row.

[00:01:38]>> So, it was like two 12-hour days um >> and all with guests. So, like it was just me being like, "She's not always like this. Don't worry. No, she doesn't mean any offense." And that gets really tiring.

[00:01:51]>> Yeah. My [ __ ] up.

[00:01:54]>> Yeah. I was on for 12 [ __ ] hours two days in a row.

[00:01:59]>> That's a lot.

[00:02:00]>> Yeah. And then I get home and my husband's like, >> "You look really tired." I'm like, "I am." And he's like, "Do you want to have sex?" And I'm like, "No, I mean, wait, with who?" No.

[00:02:11]>> So, yeah. Just haven't gotten a good option yet.

[00:02:13]>> Sleepy.

[00:02:15]>> Well, you know what? I want you to I just want you this podcast. Let it just be a warm bath for you. If you fall asleep in the middle of this, no problem.

[00:02:27]>> We'll keep it going.

[00:02:28]>> I might >> We'll get real quiet. Not Don't even worry about it.

[00:02:32]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:02:34]>> Speaking of of bats, I don't know. I'm bad at transitions. I'll However, Ally, there he goes. He's off. Just everyone be quiet.

[00:02:45]>> Do you know that I do the mom thing? Do you know I do that? Do you do that when you fall asleep like this? Look at my mouth.

[00:02:55]Uh, >> remember how she would fall asleep like that?

[00:02:58]>> Yeah. So, his mouth, for everyone listening, is like any of the fish back backgrounds in uh in Spongebob, the fish characters.

[00:03:07]>> Yeah, it's a frown. Exactly. But it's more fun to say.

[00:03:09]>> Mom always frowned as she was falling asleep, and I was like, >> and she nodded her head back and forth as she started to fall asleep.

[00:03:15]>> Exactly what I do. And then like, Dad, >> you are just like her.

[00:03:20]>> Yeah.

[00:03:22]It's crazy.

[00:03:22]>> Um, well, I wanted to speaking of someone that's uh abusive in my life.

[00:03:28]No, no, different transition. Speaking of my wife, who I love and care about dear dearly, uh, thank you to everyone who um sent her things for her birthday.

[00:03:39]That was so >> Did she get my >> freaking nice?

[00:03:44]>> Yeah, the Tesla.

[00:03:46]>> Mhm. the Cyber Truck.

[00:03:47]>> Weird in this political Yeah, in this political climate. But um yeah, she got the Cybert truck uh with IMHO emlazed on the side. So, thank you for that. That was really >> They come standard like that actually, Grant.

[00:03:58]>> With IMHO in it.

[00:03:59]>> Mhm.

[00:04:00]>> Um yeah, I just been She's been walking around all week just going, I love my Tesla. I love Tesla. Just constantly.

[00:04:08]But seriously, thank you to everybody.

[00:04:10]She had a great birthday weekend. Or at least that's what she told me. But Drew, when we were in school, were you ever part of a a group like a like a National Honor Society or something where you had to do service hours? Did you ever have to do service hours when you were in high school?

[00:04:29]>> Did you ever make an impact in the world around you?

[00:04:31]>> Yeah. When I was in show choir, we had to teach poor kids how to tap dance.

[00:04:39]>> Oh, the Let's make a Let's make a Memphis joke. the kids from Bartlett.

[00:04:45]>> Oh, [ __ ] Yeah. I don't know the neighborhoods. What's that? That's So much has changed. So much has changed.

[00:04:52]>> So much has changed. And yes, >> I forgot to tell you, >> speaking of our high school, sorry, real quick and then we can do whatever you were going to do.

[00:05:00]>> Um, >> I got a DM >> from a student at Houston High School, >> like a current student. Yeah. Yeah. So, I didn't respond because I don't want to go to jail.

[00:05:16]>> But it was just really sweet. Like, it was like, "Hey, I'm I've been a big fan.

[00:05:21]You mentioned >> like your high school or you mentioned where you went to high school. I just said I was in Germantown." And they were like, "I don't know if you went to Houston, but I'm at Houston." And it just means a lot to see someone come from like this area with like the same kind of experience and then like and actually make it out. And it, you know, # it does get better. And if you're listening to this, first of all, you're too young. You shouldn't be listening to this.

[00:05:46]>> Yeah. Don't listen to this. Why are you listening to this?

[00:05:48]>> But it just meant the world to me. It was so nice.

[00:05:52]>> That's nice. It also means though that our statue is gone, >> which is [ __ ] Remember the high school?

[00:06:00]>> At the high school, they they built a statue of us because they had >> Oh, the one in front of the auditorium.

[00:06:05]>> Yeah. No one had ever seen twins before.

[00:06:08]>> And remember the first It was just a thing. It was just a weird Tennessee thing. I don't know. I I did speak to someone this week who um said that adult twins freak them out. And I said that I forget that that happens.

[00:06:23]And then you and I like when we travel together and we're walking somewhere together, side by side, I forget that we look alike. And that is scary to people.

[00:06:33]>> And so we do get looks. Sometimes people are thrilled.

[00:06:37]>> Like the lady in the in the restaurant who walked up to us got this far from our face >> and just was like, "Adult twins."

[00:06:45]>> Um, you're so lucky to be eating adult twins is what she said to the table.

[00:06:52]>> She did. Um, but yeah, the the Yeah, I guess our statue's gone. I guess no one knows about us anymore at Houston High School.

[00:07:01]>> I'm super okay with that. I got to admit, >> Mustangs, >> my memories of high school are nothing but good.

[00:07:08]>> Nothing but good.

[00:07:09]>> Actually, they were >> I gotta like I mean, sure, I was a gay guy and and God hated me. my parents sort of hated me, like whatever. But >> I found my my niche very early on >> and I just leaned so hard into it and I was just >> I was I went to summer school so I could take algebra 2 ahead of time so my senior year I could have a fourth hour of choir. That's not made up. That is a absolutely true. Um, >> I failed that class, by the way. I failed it. And the teacher, well, almost the entire class did. And the teacher at the end of the summer goes, >> "Yeah, I guess this one's on me." And he passed all of us.

[00:08:00]>> It was wild.

[00:08:01]>> Everyone failed. Yeah, that's got to be on the teacher at that point. But uh yeah, and I I honestly think I mean I had a horrible time at our high school.

[00:08:12]>> I never had to be with God. Because you wanted to be with God.

[00:08:16]>> I did want to be with God. I did want to be with God. But all your friends were at the church.

[00:08:22]>> At the church, none of them were at school. I'm saying the the place I spent the majority of my time in every week, I hated it. And I never fit in. I always felt like and we graduated high school with people we went to kindergarten with and so we kind of knew people like we were known like and we knew people but I wasn't really friends with anybody you know like it just kind of made it a an eerie loneliness where everyone knows your name but no one wants to talk to you.

[00:08:52]>> Well, they know you too well. No, I a good point. Well, but at the like in our senior year, you did get voted most artistic or whatever for the senior superlative. So, like I think people know like I I say this to people all the time cuz they're like, "You're a [ __ ] Did you get beat up every day?" And I'm like, "Yeah, >> no." Cuz I think because I was like one of the twins, they just >> Yeah.

[00:09:16]>> They kind of left me alone. And I I mean, they didn't, but they mostly left me alone. And I would just hide in the choir room. And if someone called me a [ __ ] in the choir room, I would just take that plank out of their eye and put it into mine.

[00:09:30]>> You know what I mean?

[00:09:30]>> Or in your butt.

[00:09:32]>> Well, the reason I brought up school wasn't just to bum us out. Although it does bum me out. Sometimes when I drop the kids off at school, I do have a little I I I try to empathize and I think like I hope they're having a good time and I remember how bad of a time I was having and then I'm like, "Oh god, I need to get out of >> when you're a kid."

[00:09:50]>> And I leave. You have no comparison for the passage of time. So it feels like it is taking forever.

[00:09:58]>> Yeah. Yeah, it absolutely does. Yeah, absolutely.

[00:10:02]>> But I had a good time. I would recommend 10 out of 10.

[00:10:05]>> Well, my kids uh the majority of my kids go to a charter school and part of the agreement in the charter school is that they will do service hours every year and they have to do a certain amount.

[00:10:18]So, of course, Max is like, "Hey, I have till next Tuesday to do 11 hours of service, like service hours." And I was like, "Good luck, buddy." Like, I don't know what you want me to do about that.

[00:10:32]He said, "Well, I can there's one remote thing I can do and I can do it at home on the computer." And I was like, "Great. What is it?" I had never heard about this before.

[00:10:43]It's factchecking gravestones in cemeteries from your computer.

[00:10:50]>> Oh, I would love that.

[00:10:52]>> Oh, you don't get to go?

[00:10:54]>> No, you can. Okay, so there's there's multiple volunteer spots. One of them is the next time you walk through a cemetery, you can go to uh billionraves.com or there's an app that's like something graves something app um and you can take a picture of a tombstone and then like geo tag it for the app. And so basically what >> No, that's too much work. what they're trying to do. And so what Max does is he reads these headstones, these pictures that other volunteers have taken pictures of of these headstones and he manually enters the information into a a database so that all these people that we didn't have any records for before.

[00:11:37]Now we do. We know someone named this lived from this time to this time.

[00:11:43]>> I love that.

[00:11:44]>> And it's all volunteers. It's all volunteers doing this work.

[00:11:47]>> That's amazing. Yeah. And so he like I I I was like, "What are you doing?" He goes, "Yeah, I'm like factchecking to him." I said, "What does that mean?" And I go over there and sure enough, he's just entering, you know, like, "Okay, 1950 to 1951. That was a sad one." But he's just entering the dates and then um Yeah. Yeah. That's what he's doing. He And I will say he figured out a smart way to do it. You know, working harder, working smarter.

[00:12:16]He realized that they're not counting his hours by submissions.

[00:12:23]They're counting his hours by how long he's logged in.

[00:12:27]Oh, no.

[00:12:29]So, he goes, "Hey, Dad. Um, can I just uh can I leave your computer open? Like, or like will it go to sleep?" And I was like, "No, I can disable it so it like stays awake. Why is there something like downloading or whatever?" and he goes, "I just have to stay logged in for like eight more hours."

[00:12:47]So, uh, so he did do some of them. Um, but there are, you know, >> that's the modern listen, that's co, okay, that's the modern workplace.

[00:12:59]Everyone has those little mice that'll move themselves. You know, >> he figured it out. He figured it out.

[00:13:04]And I'm proud of him. I'm proud of him for figuring it out.

[00:13:08]>> And >> I'm proud of him as well. I'm slightly worried about his future, but we can talk about that later.

[00:13:14]>> I mean, everything always it's always worked out for us, right, brother?

[00:13:18]Everything's going pretty swimmingly at the moment.

[00:13:26]So, you know, I like uh I like history.

[00:13:29]I like random history things.

[00:13:30]>> Well, you're you're a white sis straight man.

[00:13:33]>> Mhm. And I also like learning about our family and when they can intersect. You do?

[00:13:40]>> Oh my god.

[00:13:41]>> Well, anything that's related to me.

[00:13:44]>> Sure.

[00:13:44]>> You know, our family's related to me, therefore learning about it.

[00:13:50]>> I learned about a product. Maybe I'm I'm sure you've heard of it. You're you're such a history buff, but I learned about a project this a product this week >> that uh no longer is sold, but it was a medical device or series of medical devices that was around when our father was young.

[00:14:06]And it might explain his latest diances into random [ __ ] parking lot [ __ ] >> Wow. Okay, I'm ready.

[00:14:21]>> These are Dr. Young's >> No, I mean like they're they're worth a lot of money. They're in they're they're in museums and things like that. They they've stopped selling them, but Dr. Young's ideal rectal dilators So, these were created in the 1890s.

[00:14:39]They're butt plugs.

[00:14:39]>> I could use that. I could use that.

[00:14:41]>> They're big rubber butt plugs and they were they were advertised to deal with all kinds of maladies. Uh headaches, um like like stomach issues if you had diarrhea, which I guess it would work because it just >> it really would work for that.

[00:14:59]>> Um but all kinds of all kinds of things.

[00:15:01]Can I show them to you? Let me let me share my screen. I don't know.

[00:15:05]>> Here we go. No, they're not like in a person.

[00:15:07]>> Mommy, my head hurts. Go get the butt plug.

[00:15:12]>> Here they are.

[00:15:14]>> I have that. I have those. I have They look just like that. I have those.

[00:15:21]>> Uhhuh. You have those exact ones, >> Grant? I prom I'll go get one. I don't know. Wait, I don't know if they're clean. Yeah, those I I bought those off Amazon like a million years ago.

[00:15:34]Absolutely.

[00:15:37]>> No, but mine look just like that. Isn't that wild?

[00:15:40]>> I love it. Well, so they they truly believe that it solved all kinds of different maladies and then they figured out maybe it doesn't. Um, but can I read you a couple of their instructions because as you have your own set of dilators, >> maybe you need to remember some of these instructions. Maybe they'll be helpful for you.

[00:16:00]>> For sure.

[00:16:01]>> First, warm dilator in warm water. Then lubricate the outside of the dilator, which of course Dr. Young had his own.

[00:16:10]It was called Pyint or Vaseline >> was his lube.

[00:16:16]>> Lube. Pilament.

[00:16:19]>> He could. He should have called it Dr. Young's come.

[00:16:25]>> I'll jizz on every one of these damn things. And while in a squatting position, >> we got a lot. We got a lot of orders. I got I got to jizz today.

[00:16:34]>> So, and while in a squatting position or while lying on the side with your knees drawn up, gently insert the rectum as far as the flange.

[00:16:43]>> Insert the rectum.

[00:16:45]>> Insert in the rectum. I'm so sorry. As far as the flange or the rim.

[00:16:50]>> So, is that your preferred? Do you like to go knees up? Do you squatting position? Are you >> Yeah, I So, I'm just I'm so tight, everyone. I'm so tight.

[00:17:03]>> And um >> I I want to start getting back out there. I want to start putting my whole back in business. You understand?

[00:17:10]>> Yeah. Um, >> yeah.

[00:17:12]>> So, I >> follow us on Only Twins.

[00:17:18]>> My I guess Curtis puts it in me. Well, I just kind of lay on my back and go, "Okay." Like that.

[00:17:25]>> Is that >> just resign? Oh, that was the other. It It did have a third option, which was just a just a resign. Just give up. Just sigh and give up.

[00:17:34]>> I mean, so >> listen, we've got a lot going on. I remember as a as a younger person, as a 20some year old, >> I could put anything in my butt at any time.

[00:17:46]>> Like I was so >> Name some things.

[00:17:49]>> Uh penis.

[00:17:51]>> Uh I probably would have guessed that.

[00:17:53]>> Two two penis.

[00:17:55]>> Two penis. Okay.

[00:17:57]>> Um three penis depend like depending on the size, >> right?

[00:18:02]>> Um no, but now I'm just so tight.

[00:18:05]>> Would you get them in a pack? Well, so Drew, when you So, so you need to do this. This is step one. But when you're ready to move to the next larger size, this is this was the medical doctor's recommendation. When ready to go to the next larger size, it's best first to use for a few minutes the same size you've been using, inserting and withdrawing it several times. This is very beneficial and should not be overlooked.

[00:18:33]>> Wait, I agree with that. I actually do agree with that. So, >> Dr. Young, >> Dr. Young, I have to say you make you made some points.

[00:18:43]>> Dr. Young, >> you made some points.

[00:18:45]>> Keeping it tight or the opposite of tight. Keeping it >> keeping it loose.

[00:18:50]>> Keeping it loose. Fast and loose.

[00:18:52]>> So, anyway, I I don't know if that like means anything to our father or to his lore, but it might like it might. He might have had a lot of headaches as kid as a little kid. And now, >> well, I think he's got an oral fixation.

[00:19:08]And something that I think >> is so maybe Winnie got confused and put him in the wrong end.

[00:19:17]>> You think that he was putting him in himself? You know, Winnie was like, "Nick, get in here. I got to put your butt plug in." Anyway, >> a very serious grandmother.

[00:19:28]>> God, she was she was a bummer.

[00:19:31]>> She was a hard woman. Yeah, she's a >> hard woman.

[00:19:34]>> I think perhaps she lived too long.

[00:19:41]>> Anyway, um >> she lived to be 92.

[00:19:44]>> 92. And she was miserable.

[00:19:48]>> Yeah. Yeah. She loved God. She hated us.

[00:19:54]>> No, she loved her son and only her son.

[00:19:57]And so >> I mean, yeah, pretty good. If you ever gave him any sort of grief, she would she'd pray about you. And that's scary because she would pray and >> with slurs anyway.

[00:20:09]>> Oh man. Out loud.

[00:20:10]>> Um, no, but I there's something that's happening in the culture in the past couple years >> where >> uh you don't have to be a top, a bottom, or a verse anymore. You don't have to use your butthole at all. You can also be called a side.

[00:20:28]>> What does that mean? So it's oral only.

[00:20:31]So when you go on like a grinder, a sniffies, what have you, instead of labeling yourself as one of these anal things, you can select side, which is just like I'm not doing [ __ ] with my butthole. I mean, I'm doing [ __ ] with my only thing. Right. Right.

[00:20:48]>> Interesting. So maybe our dad was the first side.

[00:20:51]>> How long has that been a term?

[00:20:54]I've I'm not in the apps as much as I'd like to be, you know, which is at all.

[00:21:00]>> Um, but I don't know. I've started hearing it in the lexicon in the last couple years.

[00:21:06]>> Wow.

[00:21:07]>> Yeah.

[00:21:07]>> Why were you keeping this from me? Why were you hiding this from me?

[00:21:10]>> I wasn't. I I really wasn't. I wasn't at all. If anything, I overshare, Grant.

[00:21:17]>> No, that's very true. Side. So, so if someone says like, "Are are you a top or bottom?" You can be like side.

[00:21:26]>> Mhm.

[00:21:28]>> I'm not doing all that work. Side.

[00:21:30]>> What does side mean? Why is that a top bottom? I guess that's the only thing left.

[00:21:35]>> Cuz if someone goes up your butthole, you just turn to the side. Uh-uh.

[00:21:39]>> Uh-uh. Uhuh.

[00:21:40]>> I don't think so. Uh-uh.

[00:21:42]>> Or if or if they want you to top, you turn to the side as they as they back towards you, which I'm assuming they do, you go, "Uh-uh.

[00:21:50]>> Uh-uh." I saw the funniest like selfie video of this guy jerking off on Twitter that it just it made me laugh. I loved it. And I was so excited.

[00:22:05]>> Well, I'll tell you, but I I told the story because it had just happened. I told it on our episode of The Bald and the Beautiful, which if you haven't watched it yet, Trixie Mattel, >> Darby, and the other one. Anyway, um I told I told the story on there, it it nothing. I got nothing. And I was like, you're the wrong audience for this.

[00:22:29]Okay.

[00:22:30]>> Okay, I'm ready.

[00:22:31]>> So, I I I'm scrolling as you do, and I'm seeing car accidents, gunshots, all of that. You know what Twitter is?

[00:22:40]>> Normal, normal, normal.

[00:22:41]>> And then then I get to my my porn. I'm like, great, now now we're really cooking with gas. And there was a a guy on there with I would say like a 20some guy with like >> a very small penis. Not very, just small. Like safely small. Like they live very confidently small. And >> okay, don't give me don't don't don't say a number, but can you give me a common household item that would be roughly the same length?

[00:23:15]>> One and a half chapsticks.

[00:23:19]>> Interesting. Okay. Girthwise, what are we talking?

[00:23:23]>> Okay, that I'm not quite so sure because the camera angle was really strange and it it made the base of everything look really big.

[00:23:34]like an A24 produced >> uh jerkoff video. Just a little strange artsy >> and there was a little shell crying.

[00:23:43]>> Anyway, >> one and a half. Okay, that's pretty pretty tiny.

[00:23:47]>> He's doing his jerk off and he I don't like I don't click on the video so I don't have like the sound on.

[00:23:56]I'm just kind of like scrolling and I see it and I see him start to go uh duka duka duka which is how he comes and >> and then I see him say something. I'm like what the [ __ ] So I click on it rewind duka duka duka and then he goes see I told you my little guy would make a mess.

[00:24:23]I love that. That's so funny.

[00:24:26]>> See?

[00:24:26]>> Oh my god.

[00:24:27]>> I told you my little guy would make a mess.

[00:24:30]>> Oh my god, that's so [ __ ] funny.

[00:24:33]>> It's great. It's great.

[00:24:34]>> Oh my god.

[00:24:35]>> I love I one I love the phrase. That's so funny. I also love the idea that for him to say, "See, I told you." Is that at the beginning >> it was probably two chapsticks, not one and a half. It was not horribly small, but it was small. But at the beginning to to just say I'm letting you know right now this little guy he can make quite a mess.

[00:24:58]>> This little stinker.

[00:25:00]>> He's going to make a >> about to fart.

[00:25:02]>> Yeah.

[00:25:02]>> I love it. I love it.

[00:25:04]>> Right. I think that's the funniest thing you could possibly say.

[00:25:08]>> And crickets. Anyway, >> crickets.

[00:25:11]>> They didn't like that.

[00:25:12]>> And not only was it crickets, they left it in the edit. Take it out. Jesus.

[00:25:18]>> You know what that is? is they're intimidated and they're like, "We have to make Darby look bad for a second."

[00:25:24]So, probably >> looked bad the whole episode. Her teenage fans for the most part were nice, but there were a few that I think honestly want me dead.

[00:25:35]>> What did they say?

[00:25:37]>> Well, so Trixie and Katya have a similar dynamic to me and Alexis, and one of those being >> that Trixie interrupts all the time. So, I was doing that because that's just what I'm good at naturally. Shut up.

[00:25:52]>> And >> the comments are like >> the bad comments, which are few and far between, I will say. But they're like, >> but they are the loudest in our hearts.

[00:26:02]>> Exactly. They're like, "Oh my god, she keeps interrupting. Like, shut her. I was dressed as a hamburger." And it' be like, "Tell the hamburger to shut up."

[00:26:10]And then and then the astute people would respond, "Yeah, so she's doing exactly what Trixie does every episode. I think the reason you hate it is because it's not Trixie doing it, but that's Trixie."

[00:26:24]And I was like, "Yeah, >> yeah, >> yeah, yeah.

[00:26:28]>> She's a millionaire, so you care."

[00:26:30]>> Okay. Can I can I ask you >> for I I did I did not see us going down this path, but what are the comments that people have said on IMHO or a Twinua video that have hurt your feelings?

[00:26:46]>> I know mine. They're they're here forever.

[00:26:50]>> So I I just have a couple, but what are yours?

[00:26:53]>> I've been in the game for a while, son.

[00:26:56]>> You have? You have?

[00:26:57]>> So, >> have any stuck with you? I guess is my is my question.

[00:27:04]>> I don't think now I know someone's going to comment below like remember when someone said this about you Darby and I know it's going to devastate me but >> I don't really get devastated anymore.

[00:27:16]Like I don't really >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:18]>> Like >> but it bothers you. I mean like it you have to get over it. Like you have to like make an effort to be like oh [ __ ] that. Like I'm not going to think about that anymore because I mean you just did like you just you know you're still thinking about it.

[00:27:34]>> Yeah. But I feel like I'm thinking about it in a very different way. Like I feel very like when I'm telling you about it >> I'm like well I guess I do care. I I was thinking that I was being very cash and just like see and then this happened but no I guess I do care. I don't know.

[00:27:52]>> Yeah.

[00:27:54]I mean, twinuendo, it's that I'm ugly and you're not.

[00:27:59]>> And then I immeho, >> we look exactly the same.

[00:28:04]>> I'm imho. We rarely get negative comments.

[00:28:07]>> Yeah.

[00:28:08]>> Well, I stopped posting them. You figured out it was me. But >> thank you.

[00:28:11]the the I will say that uh Paola does a good job typically of like if somebody posts something really >> mean >> horrible.

[00:28:25]>> Yeah, >> she'll it'll disappear. Uh hopefully it >> I told her to start pinning them. So she'll she used to pin them and then they would delete them themselves.

[00:28:36]>> Oh, I like that. That's a strong move.

[00:28:39]>> Oh, okay. We should do that.

[00:28:41]>> This is this is so vulnerable of me to say, but >> Okay. Okay. Okay.

[00:28:44]>> Well, um Trixie's podcast was uh did a live premiere. You know, on YouTube, you can schedule it to like live premiere.

[00:28:54]>> And so I I jumped into the the live chat just to see like how I was being received.

[00:29:02]>> And I was being received great except for one pre-teen girl who thought I should kill myself.

[00:29:10]And what was great?

[00:29:11]>> It was in fact. And she's right.

[00:29:13]>> That sounds right, >> Piper. I'm working on it. One day. One day I I'll have the nerve.

[00:29:18]>> But this person's like, "Fuck, I hate this girl. Tell her to shut up. I might not be able to finish an episode. I hate this." And then everyone that was there for us was like, "Shut the [ __ ] up. Get the [ __ ] out of here, you piece of shit."

[00:29:36]>> And then and then I left. I was like, "You know what? I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be here.

[00:29:41]>> But oh brought such a Yeah, it made me feel so good. But then I did feel really guilty because I'm sure that was a 13-year-old girl in Omaha.

[00:29:50]>> Yeah. Well, was >> I have I have There's one that that has that pops in my brain every now and then partially because I don't exactly understand it. Um >> it was uh it was So if you posted this, whoever you are, it worked. that thing stuck in my brain. I'm not changing anything. I'm not making myself better because of it. But uh it was when my friend Christina came on, the therapist, >> and I was talking to her and uh someone commented something like, "And there there Grant goes again just won't shut up and is the most unaware person in the room." And I was like, Yeah, >> that's not right. Um, so it did it. You did it. Whoever said that, >> but that's >> that. Okay, you get used to that because that that's those were the comments that used to bother me when I immeho started.

[00:30:53]They'd be like, "Oh my god, shut up."

[00:30:55]And then the people who enjoyed it stuck around and eventually you just get you like I jumped into that chat expecting someone to say shut up you stupid hamburger.

[00:31:08]>> Um >> and she did and she did. But yeah, now it doesn't really affect me the way it used to. Eventually you just go like listen I am not for everybody.

[00:31:18]>> I I'm certainly you could take it as a note. I think I don't worry about it. I won't. I think the reason I think the reason why that one stuck is because I'm surprised it's stuck because I was I was telling someone the other day that truly um I I care so little about what people think of me compared to how I used to. I was such a people pleaser.

[00:31:43]>> Oh yeah. and and I lost everything and and like the people I thought I had pleased the best uh would have loved for me to do what that pre-teen wants you to do. And so after living through that and getting through it and being like, "Oh, honestly, if you're not helping my family out in some way, I don't really care what you have to say about me or my life." Uh so yeah, I guess that's why that one stuck is because I don't know why it stuck. I'm like, what the [ __ ] does that mean?

[00:32:14]>> It's so >> It's really odd to like unpack the um the peopleleasing aspect of an elder millennial because >> like in the 1970s, >> well, I'm trying to explain it. You interrupted me. It's like you don't listen.

[00:32:32]>> I'm not aware of it.

[00:32:34]Um >> anyway, uh yeah, like in the 1970s, kids went outside and they came back in when the street lamp lamp came on. So like the parents just weren't around.

[00:32:46]They were doing their own thing while their kids were wandering the neighborhood and getting kidnapped. And then in the 80s, kidnapping started. And so like the 80s 90s kids, we suddenly were in the house all the time but with parents who didn't know how to parent because their parents never parented because they were always outside. And so I think we were always we were prone to critiques because suddenly we're in the house all day with our mom who wasn't in the house all day with her mom and doesn't know what to do. And so really the only thing our parents knew to do was to correct us, you know, like so we it kind of trained us to constantly >> be waiting for that critique, you know?

[00:33:40]So you're trying so hard to just please everyone around you so that they can't do it. Oh, you want to critique me, but you can't cuz I did nothing wrong. I'm perfect, you know? Like >> Yeah. Yeah. It's just so it's just I've obviously anyone can be a people pleaser, but the amount of like elder millennials I've met who have been people pleasers their whole life, it's it's wild.

[00:34:02]>> I I saw a video today actually speaking to to when we say no worries to people.

[00:34:10]>> Oh yeah. How people get triggered.

[00:34:13]>> Well, but no, no, no, it was I mean I guess they do, but it was like that's people pleasing. Like that's that's me letting you off the hook. Like let's say you did something very inconsiderate of my time and didn't follow through on something and then I go, "Oh, oh, no worries. No worries." Which it is because like it's inconvenience me. It's whatever. And then like moving forward, I would like you to change your behavior, but I'm not going to address it. I'm just going to tell you no worries because like I want everyone around me to be happy and be okay. And so this video was like giving other options of things to say. Um and so one of them that I liked the most was uh was to say that um hey thanks for saying something like when someone's like like oh hey I'm not going to be able to do this or I didn't do what you asked me to do.

[00:35:09]>> Um hey thanks for saying something. Like thanks for letting me know. Thanks for saying something. because it it doesn't it doesn't let them off the hook like that like hey there's still [ __ ] we got to figure out here.

[00:35:21]>> Um but like you know I I but I'm acknowledging like I heard you and yeah yeah you [ __ ] up but it's okay like I'm not I'm not mad. I'm not yelling at you. Just just acknowledging it and I was like that's a good one. That's a good one. And it it kind of escalated from there. One of them that he said that it made my chest tighten. It just felt so direct. It was something like um it was something like like like that like thank you for saying something >> in the future.

[00:35:54]>> Well, it was something like in the future. Um some something about like let's let's figure out how to be more prepared or something. It was something that was a little bit of a rebuke and I was like, "Oh god." And the guy in the video was like, "Did that feel hard to hear?"

[00:36:13]Like, "Can you not imagine yourself saying it?

[00:36:17]>> That's how like [ __ ] peopleleasing you are." And it's true. It's true. Cuz it wasn't rude, but anyway. Yeah. But no, I I'm going to try to to not say no worries all the time. I say it for everything, even when it's very much worries.

[00:36:30]>> Um >> Oh, I I say I say, "Oh, that's okay.

[00:36:34]It's okay." And I've been trying this.

[00:36:37]It's so bizarre that you're bringing this up cuz it really has been the last week. I also saw a video where someone was offering that, but I I it obviously didn't make enough of an impact because I don't remember what the options were, but the thing I remembered was like if it's not okay, don't say it's okay.

[00:36:55]>> You know, like you you don't have to say anything.

[00:36:58]>> And so that's what I've been doing is just >> which also feels good because then there's a very like pregnant pause. Like there's just so much tension in the air and it's like I'm not feeling it.

[00:37:11]>> Little tension babies.

[00:37:13]>> They're feeling it.

[00:37:13]>> Well, you know, >> so it's punishment >> if you want to view it that way. I I think the the last big conflict you and I had um you you had told me something difficult for you to say to confront me about something.

[00:37:34]>> Um my drug use.

[00:37:35]>> Yeah. Just kidding.

[00:37:37]>> I love them.

[00:37:38]>> Needles.

[00:37:39]>> But uh but then after saying it, you I said I started to apologize and you said something like um you went, "Oh, it's okay.

[00:37:49]>> No, no, no. It's okay." And then I was like, "The [ __ ] No, it's not. It's not okay. This isn't okay."

[00:37:56]Um, but anyway, so it's it's funny that even even being brave and doing like having the confrontation, >> there was still that that pull to to be like, it's okay. It's okay.

[00:38:09]>> Yeah. Well, I think too there's there's a couple things working against me.

[00:38:14]Number one is just like I don't trust myself yet. like I I have >> a lot of work to do, including medication and trauma, whatever I have to do with my eyes. So, like I I don't really trust my feelings cuz like am I overreacting because I know I can't regulate my emotions. So, am I doing too much?

[00:38:34]>> And then on top of that, >> like our relationship, even though we're brothers, this kind of relationship is relatively new in our lifetime. And >> Mhm. Um, I don't I have a really hard time letting go of the fact that like I wasn't the problem because I felt like the problem for so long, you know? Um, that I just >> don't sell yourself short. You can still be the problem if you want to.

[00:39:08]Honestly, Grant, I gotta say, you set the bar so low for me >> that >> as long as I wake up every day, >> I'm doing okay.

[00:39:18]>> I'm doing all right.

[00:39:20]>> I'm doing pretty good.

[00:39:22]>> I I feel the same way, though. I I mean, to be to be really vulnerable about I our our connection, there's been an honesty between us that we haven't had before.

[00:39:35]um like a like a vulnerability and an honesty that's that's new. And I feel the same way. I don't want to [ __ ] it up, you know? And I I think I think when you I'm just going to reference the last conflict we had when you came to me. Um I I didn't feel an ounce of defensiveness. I just wanted to own it because I was afraid I was afraid that my my behavior could [ __ ] this up. Could [ __ ] you and me up, you know? I'm not talking about the podcast. I'm saying like I I was afraid that that what we have now, >> oh [ __ ] I don't want to [ __ ] that up.

[00:40:16]So, >> um yeah. So, I feel the same. I feel the same. I I mean, one day I'll take you for granted again, but >> you know, >> probably it'll probably be Trump's fourth term or something by then.

[00:40:28]>> You You know what I'm thinking?

[00:40:30]>> Mhm.

[00:40:32]>> That's okay.

[00:40:33]>> It's okay.

[00:40:34]>> It's okay. It's okay.

[00:40:36]>> Well, speaking of being okay, I have >> not to be.

[00:40:41]>> Yeah.

[00:40:42]>> I do have a few voicemails where people are not okay and they need us to help them be okay.

[00:40:47]>> Hell yeah. Are you ready to solve everyone's problems?

[00:40:52]>> It's okay.

[00:40:54]>> It's okay.

[00:40:54]>> Thank you. Um, so here we go. Share my screen. Uh, this is a question for Drew.

[00:41:01]>> Hi. Oh, I'm Simeon, by the way. I'm in Knoxville, Tennessee. Um, I have this problem where I fall for um kind straight married men who give day and kind of flirt with me. Like, so that's not the question, but like why are they flirting with me? Like, >> yeah, I work at a coffee shop and I'm kind and hot and you know, all those things, but like >> kind of hot.

[00:41:26]>> Why do they flirt with me? And also, um, I'm a little dark right now. I'm sorry.

[00:41:30]It's five. Um, the other thing is what what I actually want to know is why am I attracted to them? Why do I want their affection? And obviously, you're a medical doctor, so please give me your Um and prognosis on this book. Uh thank you. Bye.

[00:41:50]>> Okay, brother.

[00:41:51]>> Sime you have to help Simeon.

[00:41:53]>> I want to say I'm I'm obsessed with the life you're living. I love that.

[00:42:02]You sound so gay.

[00:42:05]>> Yeah.

[00:42:05]>> And you're working one of the gayest jobs in America. Barista >> statistic >> in Knoxville.

[00:42:12]>> Girl, get it. your choice.

[00:42:15]>> You don't know why you end up where you end up. Okay. I ended up in Jackson, Mississippi by my own choosing.

[00:42:22]>> Anyway, >> um well, thank first of all, I am a doctor. Thank you for acknowledging that.

[00:42:28]>> I got my doctor at the same place that our megaurch pastor did. Um my head. And I just want I want to leave you with this. I want you to know that finding straight men attractive is in fact something we all struggle with because trauma because trauma. All right. It's because especially being raised in the south, like there are gender roles that are very specific and if you're not meeting your gender role and god forbid you might be leaning into the other gender role, >> you just become hyper aware of the goal, you know, like I'm not good. I'm not what I'm supposed to be like. Oh, I'm supposed to be straight. Oh, I'm supposed to play golf. I don't know what y'all do.

[00:43:21]>> Yeah. Oh my god, we love it.

[00:43:23]>> You start to fetishize it and straight men are Yeah, straight men are fetishized. I remember being like a 20some [ __ ] and I would hook up with someone and if they were wearing a wedding ring, >> instant come. Instant come. That's why like anything that you you feel so attracted to and you don't understand and you feel conflicted about, >> it's probably just some sort of I hate using trauma sounds like such a big word but >> it's not >> it really is your your relationship with yourself and with the world around you and most importantly >> don't don't be upset or like blame yourself like you're doing something wrong like we're already here enjoy the ride but I I I genuinely believe it wasn't until I I got with Curtis, my husband. He's he's pretty straight passing, but he does have some like feminine qualities.

[00:44:31]And that initially was a turnoff to me.

[00:44:36]And now I love it.

[00:44:38]>> And I love >> I love other feminine men. Like I just >> you you just got to break it down, you know?

[00:44:48]Do you So, basically, he needs to get with Curtis. Is that what you're saying?

[00:44:53]>> Honestly, Simeon, I'm working with my dilators right now, and I'm still not up to Curtis.

[00:45:00]>> But your headaches have completely disappeared.

[00:45:02]>> Oh, I have not had a headache in weeks.

[00:45:05]>> Unbelievable.

[00:45:06]>> Um, yeah. Just listen. You're alive.

[00:45:10]You're surviving. You're a [ __ ] in Tennessee.

[00:45:14]Nothing's your fault ever.

[00:45:16]I I also hook up with a straight guy, whatever.

[00:45:22]Take care of yourself.

[00:45:24]>> I also found out today uh I I think opposed to my story. There's a guy who does a lot of research about megaurches.

[00:45:32]And um so the most megaurches in any one state is it's Texas number one, California number two, Florida number three, but per capita number one, Tennessee. For every 100,000 people, there's a mega church in Tennessee. So yeah, you're surviving behind enemy lines. So do what you got to do. So what you got to do, let me tell you, Sime fetishize me, baby.

[00:46:02]Stop, Grant. No, we're not talking about you.

[00:46:04]>> Oh. Oh, look at this. There's a woman attached to this. Not physically, but kind of like emotionally or whatever.

[00:46:13]>> Works.

[00:46:14]>> I own her. I gave her father a dowy.

[00:46:18]>> I am really jealous though, Simeon, because you can get to Pigeon Forge a lot faster than I can.

[00:46:23]>> You should be going to Dollywood as much as you can because Dolly will not be around forever. And you never know when she's going to pop up. She pops up a lot, especially around Christmas.

[00:46:34]>> Unironically, everyone listening, go to Dollywood.

[00:46:39]>> It's the >> It's such a good time. It's such a good time.

[00:46:43]>> Good.

[00:46:44]>> They have some really [ __ ] up bald eagles that are like missing wings and feet and [ __ ] >> That's a bummer. That now that's a bummer. That's a bummer. But it was my my first upside down roller coaster >> was on the Tennessee Tornado.

[00:46:59]>> Oh, yeah. That's a good that's a good >> with Emily, my best friend from high school's little sister with Downs.

[00:47:07]>> She was at the time she was like 15, 16.

[00:47:11]>> She loves roller coasters. I was terrified.

[00:47:14]>> Yeah, >> I was terrified. And she's like, I want I want you to go with me. Doo doo with me. And I was like, >> yeah, >> okay. And the entire time I am trying to breathe. I can't. I'm just like holding my breath. She is laughing her head off and she keeps swatting at my hands cuz I'm holding on and she's like, "Doo doo." I got to say, did I enjoy it? No.

[00:47:39]>> But now I do. I love upside down roller coasters now. I did as a kid.

[00:47:44]>> There there's uh the screaming eagle is there >> and it's at the time I don't know what they've got there now, but it was it went upside down. It was their fastest roller coaster. It was like the draw.

[00:47:58]>> And so I went on when I was a student pastor, we brought a group there.

[00:48:04]>> And so we get up to the front of the line and there are a bunch of kids who are freaking out but they don't want to be uncool. So they came to me and they were like I mean like tears in their eyes and they're like I can't do it.

[00:48:18]Like I can't do it. And so I pretended to be sick and I asked these students to would they walk out with me and help me because I was like I feel like I just don't feel good. Like can you >> can you guys come with me? Sorry. We'll do this later.

[00:48:35]>> Forgot how easy lying comes to pastors.

[00:48:39]>> Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like and if you help me there will be a mansion for you in heaven. No gays.

[00:48:44]>> A mansion.

[00:48:46]So the uh so anyway, we get out there and I'm just I'm waiting on everyone to get off. So I stood there for a long time and the my entertainment for the rest of that day waiting on all the kids to get off Screaming Eagle was there were two trash cans set up at the exit.

[00:49:06]>> Two trash cans set up at the exit. Oh, >> every time a car unloaded, someone vomited.

[00:49:15]>> Yeah.

[00:49:17]>> Yeah.

[00:49:18]>> Watching people run to that trash can.

[00:49:20]>> Oh my god, that's fun.

[00:49:23]>> That's just fun times. That's good times.

[00:49:25]>> We went um Curtis's favorite roller coaster uh >> theme park, but he likes them because of all the roller coasters, is Hershey Park. Hershey Park, Pennsylvania. Yeah.

[00:49:38]Jinx, buy me a Hershey Park par.

[00:49:41]>> He He's just wanted me to go for a long time. So, we finally went, I don't know, like last year, the year before. What's time? And we're riding all of these roller coasters that h if you had asked 18-year-old me, would I ride any of these? I'd be like, "Fuck no. Get fucked."

[00:49:59]>> Right.

[00:50:00]>> But yeah, >> at one point, we're on this roller coaster where your legs are dangling.

[00:50:05]Those are my favorite. and >> we're at the top and we're in the front row, >> which I did not want to do. I will say that I'm not I'm not that brave. I was like, "Oh, I don't know if I want this."

[00:50:16]But then we climb slowly to the top.

[00:50:19]>> We get to the drop, which is straight down.

[00:50:22]>> So, we're kind of angled and then it just stops and it's supposed to. It's supposed to be like uhoh cuz you're just dangling over nothing. You can't see a track. You can't see [ __ ] And there was a moment where I was like, "Good for you, Drew. Really great work. Look at what you're doing.

[00:50:44]>> Just this is incredible." It did completely [ __ ] up my mother-in-law's back and she um >> Oh, >> yeah. She's still not doing well, but but I had a great time.

[00:50:53]>> I loved it. Go to Hershey Park.

[00:50:56]>> One last roller coaster story. I think I've told it on the show before, but it's it's one of my favorites. Did I tell you about the time a It's very sad.

[00:51:07]A a kid in uh in my church >> about to say. Yes. Yes. Yes. Go. Go. No.

[00:51:13]Tell it.

[00:51:14]>> So So when I was a pastor, a kid in my church um uh attempted suicide. I don't know how we say that other than just >> failed at suicide.

[00:51:27]>> Trigger trigger warning. Uh, and so the the family called and they took him to this behavioral health center in Florida and they said, you know, he's we're going down there now. Um, you know, he's he's okay. Like he's already been to the hospital, but like we're we're taking him straight there. Will you meet us there? And I said, "Of course." And it's during CO, so you can't go inside. You can't The only people who are allowed inside are the patients. And so the waiting room is now in the parking lot and they just have all these like benches set up. And so when I get there, I see this kid and I and I I I knew this family fairly well. I'd been in their home multiple times. I knew this kid well and he hung out with with Max and so I knew this kid and I just I remember going over to him and I put my hands on his shoulders. I'm looking him in the eye and I'm just like, "We love you.

[00:52:21]like you matter. Like you're not there's nothing wrong with you. You're not the problem. Like it like we love you. It's gonna be okay. Like I'm just like just trying to hey like you're in the worst this is the worst moment of your life type moment, you know? And I'm just trying to love you, love you, love you.

[00:52:40]Support support.

[00:52:42]>> The part that I left out is that the behavioral health center is across the street from SeaWorld.

[00:52:48]And so Florida's tallest, fastest roller coaster is across the street. So while I'm talking to this kid and I'm saying, "We love you and it's okay and I'm so glad you're still here and we need you and whatever," you just hear >> that illustrates the ups and downs of life. And much like those people at the bottom, that's where you are. But look where they're going next. where they're going next and then eventually they do fall back down.

[00:53:20]>> Just just having people objectively having the worst day of their life right next to people having the best day of their life.

[00:53:27]>> So >> it was a lot. It was a lot. But there was a a chili in between there. So something to think about.

[00:53:34]>> Chili's um their their dip is back.

[00:53:36]Their queso is back.

[00:53:38]>> Was it gone?

[00:53:40]>> They changed the recipe, Grant. They made it vegetarian.

[00:53:44]It was awful.

[00:53:46]>> It was awful.

[00:53:48]>> It's back.

[00:53:50]>> Okay. Well, I'm >> You know, that's the only red meat I eat, >> unless I'm drunk. That's the only red meat I've eaten in a decade.

[00:53:56]>> I haven't had it in a long time. Um, will you send me Chili's money?

[00:53:59]>> All right. Voicemail. Let's hit another.

[00:54:02]>> This This is going to be a tough one.

[00:54:04]Here we go.

[00:54:05]>> Uh, hello. Um, my name is Morgan. I'm not. My pronouns are they, he, and um I was wondering if you guys could give me some advice regarding how to deal with a dad who's >> um entire behavior and general demeanor has changed uh and has done like a complete 180 >> for I mean seemingly no reason for me. I know you guys your dad had like a heart surgery or something crazy uh >> that like changed his behavior towards you, but >> I think my dad's just getting old and like his hormones are changing and >> yeah, >> all that stuff, but he used to be like really nice and kind and like understanding. Well, he he's always been very quick to anger, but as of recently, I mean, it's it's just insane. Like, uh, he like screamed at me and like yelled at me because I didn't ask his mom how her day was. Um, and I was just like eating my breakfast. Like, it was crazy.

[00:55:22]Um, but yeah, like I'm kind of in the process of mourning. Oh my god, a bird just hit my [ __ ] window. I don't know if you guys could hear that, but a bird just >> Yes. Yeah, we heard it.

[00:55:37]>> Um anyway, uh yeah, >> I'm I'm kind of in the process of mourning this person who was really nice that like my dad used to be >> and um now he's just not that person. But I still like have to see him and be around him because I don't have my own place because I'm 19. Uh but yeah, let me know how to go through that process in a in a organized way because I'm kind of just stuck in this limbo where I'm like, damn, that really sucks and I don't really know how to process this loss of a person who's >> yeah, >> technically still here. So, yeah, let me know let me know your thoughts on that.

[00:56:31]Yeah.

[00:56:33]>> Ogan.

[00:56:35]>> Morgan. Is that right? Morgan.

[00:56:37]>> Morgan. Did >> And they said they he >> is that right?

[00:56:40]>> Okay.

[00:56:41]>> Yeah.

[00:56:42]>> Oof. Morgan. Oof. Yeah.

[00:56:45]>> Yeah. I I would say first off, I just wanted to say uh >> we literally have lived through this and we know how hard it is and I'm just sorry. I'm sorry. But >> we had a leg up because the scales didn't fall from our eyes until we had moved out.

[00:57:04]>> Like we adored our dad, >> you know, like we >> I I figured out who dad was a little earlier than Grant, but it didn't take Grant that long either.

[00:57:15]>> And we were very lucky that we didn't live there anymore.

[00:57:20]>> So being 19 >> and you have to be in the house.

[00:57:26]Oh, Morgan.

[00:57:28]>> So, I I would say a like a a couple of things right off the bat. When when we got to the end of high school, >> so we were 17, like 17, 18, around that age.

[00:57:40]>> We graduated 17.

[00:57:42]>> We graduated 17 early.

[00:57:45]>> No, but we got our our fighting with our parents. I I mean, I know Drew, your experience is is different. you were literally a victim being traumatized constantly. Um, >> thank you. My god, thanks for saying that.

[00:57:58]>> So, so I so I'm not I'm not at >> It's okay.

[00:58:03]>> So, I can't speak to that. But I know that when I be when I was about that age, I started my conflicts with my parents became elevated like like it seemed seemingly overnight. They just seem it was just crazy. Like I was just I had no patience for them. They had no patience for me. It was it was really terrible. And I remember our uh youth pastor uh Russen Hell or wherever he is, he uh my parents went and talked to him about how much we were all like fighting and he used the example his son um do you remember his son Tyler?

[00:58:43]>> Yes. Hi.

[00:58:44]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was he still is. He still is very Yeah. He's very magga.

[00:58:50]Anyway, he >> Oh, he is >> he's in a MAGA church, so I don't know.

[00:58:55]I don't know what he is now, but >> he was but he was a few years ahead of us. And so they were telling >> they were telling uh my parents that like, yeah, it's just something like that happens. And um yes and no. you're transitioning to a place where you're going to be more independent. But here's here's where our parents generation has struggled and and I really hope that I do it right, which is they struggle from when you become an adult, you're not the parent anymore. Like you don't parent them anymore. You're still their parent, but you're not parenting them anymore. And so now like your role shifts from a place of of like I'm I'm not just guiding you, I'm telling you.

[00:59:47]I'm instructing you what to do to now you're you're a consultant. Now you're there to support and to cheer on and you're there for advice when they want it and not before. And I just don't think they know how to change it. To Drew's point earlier in the show, he was talking about how our whole life they were just correcting us all the time.

[01:00:11]Like our parents just correcting, correcting, correcting, >> and then when we gain independence, they don't know how to turn that off. Um, so one of the things that my mom used to do and still does, and it makes me makes me laugh. It's something that I make fun of her for is my mom can't have a conversation with any of her children without interjecting some sort of instruction.

[01:00:38]Even if it's obvious and stupid, she has to say something. She has to tell you how to do something.

[01:00:45]>> It's just And again, it's she doesn't know how to transition uh into that that new role. And my guess is your dad doesn't either, but like my mom for example, uh the when I started taking the hair products that I take to save my hair, um whatever >> I I remember I was having a conversation with mom about it and I was like, "Yeah, it's kind of expensive." And she, this is what she said. "Well, you know, if it doesn't work, you should stop paying it and don't take it anymore."

[01:01:18]Yeah, that sounds like >> And I went, "Oh my god, hang on. Let me write that down." She immediately started laughing because she realized how stupid that was. And I was like, "No, no, no, no. So if it doesn't work, don't take it, take more. Give them more money." No. What? And so I I think what could be happening is your dad's now he is older, but now he's in a place where you're an adult. you're making your own decisions, whatever, and he doesn't know how to transition into this new role in your life. And so, he's doubling down on who he used to be, which is instruction, instruction, instruction. But now, you have your own independence. And so, he's probably even more aggressive because before you don't have to be that aggressive to a 12-year-old, although I'm sure your dad was some, and our dad was, you don't have to be that aggressive giving them instructions. But if you're telling a 19-year-old what to do, you're gonna have to be a lot harsher. And so I think he's frustrated.

[01:02:21]I don't think he knows what he's supposed to be doing. I don't think he's made that transition. Well, would be my guess. And I also have a degree from Drew's brain. So, >> yeah. So, I'm going to disagree with Grant here because it does sound like he's defending your dad. And I don't think we should be doing that.

[01:02:37]>> I'm not defending your dad. Let me say that. Um, even though Grant said your dad's perfect and it's actually your fault, I would disagree and I would say, >> uh, that is what I said.

[01:02:50]>> I think the most I think the most frustrating thing about these kinds of situations is there is no quick fix. there is no um returning back to normal, >> you know, like I I remember being in my 20s and like how many conversations did I have with dad >> after he changed to like I can I can fix him. I can get him back. We're going back to normal. We will go back to normal, you know?

[01:03:20]>> And you just kind of have to accept that you will get through it. You absolutely will. Um, but right now at your age, there's just not a lot you can do. And there's not We can tell you that eventually you will feel mostly like disconnected from him. If if this is his new personality, we can tell you it'll get better because it will. It really will.

[01:03:49]>> Yeah.

[01:03:50]>> But I know that when I was going through it, I could not face that fact. I really couldn't I could not face the fact I mean truly Morgan like until I was 40 >> was probably the first time I ever really thought oh I will never have a relationship with my parents if I'm if I'm to remain safe I can never talk to my parents and that that took a really long time >> so you know hopefully since you >> we didn't have any guidance on that you know but like so hopefully you are seeing people disconnecting from their toxic parents and seeing that like parents are just human beings who sometimes are [ __ ] Um, >> or in Drew's case, they're [ __ ] >> Don't be ashole.

[01:04:42]>> Complete.

[01:04:43]>> Don't be a castle.

[01:04:44]>> Um, >> that's our dad's uh most recent message to my brother. Called him a castole.

[01:04:50]>> Oh, did we not talk about this?

[01:04:52]>> You talked about IMHO.

[01:04:54]>> Oh, yeah. On Mother's Day, Dad sent me an email. He hasn't emailed me in years.

[01:04:59]His last email was the exact same email basically, and it was just, "Don't be a complete asshole," but he misspelled it.

[01:05:06]"Don't be a complete castole. It's Mother's Day. Call your mom." And so then I responded um well, I I I'll be honest, Morgan, I responded at first by calling him a [ __ ] And so I did delete that and start over >> because I think that's more of a face to face name. Yeah.

[01:05:25]>> And instead I just said like >> um I think I started with I know you're sucking off a guy Nick how I started it.

[01:05:35]>> That was your that was your opening line.

[01:05:38]>> Listen in the in the in the grand scheme of things I I mean it was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

[01:05:45]>> I know you're sucking people off, Nick.

[01:05:47]I mean it's going to go down in history.

[01:05:50]>> I want that on a t-shirt. I want merch.

[01:05:54]I know you're sucking off a guy, Nick. I think that's so funny. Anyway, >> don't be a complete castshole. I do want that on a hat.

[01:06:01]>> Alexis wants that, too.

[01:06:02]>> I think so.

[01:06:03]>> And then I said, "You tell her about that and I'll wish her a happy Mother's Day. Don't take your Doxy Prep or Doxy Pep on an empty stomach." That was it.

[01:06:12]>> Yeah.

[01:06:12]>> And it felt great.

[01:06:15]>> But when he sent me that email, the same exact email like three or four years ago, I just spiraled. I didn't respond.

[01:06:24]I was too scared. I was still like, >> you know, I there was still that hope in my late 30s. I was still like hoping that we could figure it out, you know?

[01:06:37]So, just to be your age and to be in the situation you're in, the best thing you can do is just take care of yourself.

[01:06:44]You're not in a safe environment.

[01:06:46]>> My therapist told me this this week, >> you're not in a safe environment. your brain is not does not feel safe and so that's you suffer physically because of that. So, you do whatever you need to do to feel safe. Whether that be a predictable schedule when you're at home, uh, you know, he comes in the house, you go to a specific room, you know, like whatever it might be, just make yourself the priority. You You are the priority. Like, we are counting on you, Morgan, to survive.

[01:07:20]>> That's your job.

[01:07:20]>> I I I completely agree. I I also think too I was mourning my my old dad.

[01:07:30]>> Oh yeah.

[01:07:31]>> For a long time and I and I wouldn't admit my to myself that I was mourning.

[01:07:36]I was just like, man, I'm upset when I'm around dad. Man, dad really knows how to push my buttons.

[01:07:42]>> But really what was happening was I would I missed >> who he used to be or who he used to be to me. Um, and I and and I had to I I had to be honest with myself and give my p myself permission to grieve, knowing that the end of of that grieving process is is like letting it go and I had to accept this new reality and we're not going back to Drew's point. So, I think it's really really incredible for you at 19 to to go, I'm grieving.

[01:08:16]>> Yes, you are. And that's okay. And like that's exactly what you need to do. And and I would say >> my the reason my connection h I' I've kept a connection with my father is my children. Like that's like that's one of the main that's one of the primary reasons.

[01:08:33]>> But even now they're old enough to know that he sucks.

[01:08:36]>> They're figuring it out. I but but I had to I so so in a in a way I feel a little forced to be to keep this connection and and that's that's me putting that on myself. I'm not I'm not I'm I'm no victim. But at this point though I had to just make a shift in my head of what's our relationship going to be like now? And so for you, to Drew's point, to find safety, what kind of relationship with somebody like that, if he wasn't your biological father, what kind of relationship would you need to have with them? Would they need to be that distant roommate that you only intersect with in the kitchen on accident? Uh do you need to view him as the landlord? Do you need like what does that relationship need to be like so that you can feel safety?

[01:09:22]because you know, yes, you're grieving and that's that's a one that I mean truly it sucks that you're there, but it's a great place for you to to get through it.

[01:09:32]>> But now in this present moment with this new person, what does that need to look like? So what those boundaries look like? Because they're different than the boundaries you used to have when you were safe. So what do they look like now with this person? How do you maintain safety with this new person? And that was a huge shift.

[01:09:51]>> Okay.

[01:09:52]Get a gun.

[01:09:54]>> Don't get a gun. Morgan, listen to me.

[01:09:56]>> Don't get a gun.

[01:09:57]>> Don't get a gun. Don't get a gun.

[01:09:59]>> Get a gun.

[01:09:59]>> Well,gan.

[01:10:02]>> Get a gun.

[01:10:03]>> Get a Get a gun. But get a gun made of plastic and it only shoots water.

[01:10:09]>> Okay. Every time your dad gets too close to you, if he's about to yell at you, >> take out your squirt gun, squirt him in the crotch, make him go, "Daddy pee pee time. Daddy. Oo, daddy. You pee daddy pee time. Let me tell you immediately disarms him.

[01:10:24]>> As a father, every time my kids daddy pee pee time me.

[01:10:28]>> I'm done. I'm done. No matter what, >> daddy is pee time. I was in the hospital. I was like, I think I'm dying.

[01:10:34]And they're like, "Oh, daddy pee time."

[01:10:36]And I was like, "Oh, you got me."

[01:10:38]>> They It's a good one. Daddy PP time is good.

[01:10:41]>> Yeah.

[01:10:42]>> Especially if he's wearing khakis.

[01:10:44]>> I want to I want to So, thank you so much for calling. I'm so sorry that your dad sucks. We love you. Drew will be your dad.

[01:10:52]>> He's old enough.

[01:10:52]>> Yeah, I'm happy.

[01:10:54]>> And back.

[01:10:55]>> Thank you. Thank you everyone for calling in. Thank you for voicemails and all that. Thank you patrons. Uh thank you for giving something for Drew to have just just waterfall over his body while while he gets to dance. I want to also tell you patrons, we just uploaded something today that's really cool and really exciting. uh from Paola. Pa did a little like 7 minute audio documentary on my brother and I. She interviewed >> one of her classes >> for one of her classes.

[01:11:26]>> She's in a master's program at um Depal in Chicago >> and it turned out so [ __ ] cool. And um >> I listened to it like 10 times cuz I I texted her and I said >> I said, "Bitch, >> this American life >> I feel is like >> a huge reason I am the way I am with podcasts." And same here.

[01:11:51]>> This is >> to hear me and Grant sound like we're on This American Life is like blowing my mind. And then she wrote back, "That was the assignment."

[01:12:00]>> And I was like, "Oh, you just told me you were making an audio documentary."

[01:12:03]She's like, "No, specifically, they wanted it to sound like it could >> be in this American life." I It blew my mind. I loved it.

[01:12:10]>> It's so cool. So, that we just posted that today on our at time of filming uh on our Patreon. So, if you are a Patreon subscriber of of any level, um we have we've made that available to you. I love it. She's doing a video version. When that's out, we'll release that as well.

[01:12:27]But so, if you haven't uh support us on Patreon, um please consider doing that.

[01:12:31]That would be super helpful. I need it desperately. And you get this cool little audio doc from Paula. Pa Paula Pa >> Pa >> Pa. Um, so anyway, patrons, thank you.

[01:12:43]Drew, before we before we go, any any words of wisdom? Any parting parting advice for us?

[01:12:50]>> Yes.

[01:12:51]>> Or or sound effect?

[01:12:53]>> Yes.

[01:12:55]When is this coming out?

[01:12:58]>> Tomorrow.

[01:12:59]>> Okay.

[01:12:59]>> Friday. at at time of hearing. If you're hearing this and it's the first day that it's it's out, so you're hearing it on the time that I'm talking about, the new season of Couples Therapy is out. And let me tell you, nothing gets me bricked up harder than Dr. Orna talking to a straight man who's being a total dick.

[01:13:22]>> I love Dr. Orna. So, everyone go to whatever it's on now. Is it on HBO now?

[01:13:26]What's it on? It doesn't matter. It's none of my business. So, uh, go watch Couples Therapy.

[01:13:31]>> There's no way to know.

[01:13:33]>> Go watch Couples Therapy. I'm Thank you for, uh, for supporting us, advertising with us, marketing with us.

[01:13:42]Go see couples therapy. All right, everybody.

[01:13:46]Bye.

[01:13:47]>> See you next time.

[01:13:59]Hey, hey, hey.