Nantucket Lesbian Hates America! | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1904

Added: 2026-06-03

[00:00:00]Heat.

[00:00:15]Heat.

[00:00:51]I'm staying right here.

[00:00:54]>> Hi folks, welcome to the live lineup where you get free shows all day. If you want to watch the stuff ad free, uh you go to Rumble Premium and don't forget to follow my channel. For some reason, I I forgot it's up there. I let it roll.

[00:01:10]Bye.

[00:01:13]You know, it's all good. It's Rumble.

[00:01:16]Um anyhow, uh yeah, got a lot going on. We got uh well, let's start. I'm going to start on the top with the Spencer Pratt is a uh I don't know what kind of politician he'll make, but he knows how to campaign. I'll tell you that much.

[00:01:33]And you got to be honest. I think you I could go into LA and go look around, [ __ ] But he's, you know, he's a showbiz guys. He's got he's got charisma and people know him. So, uh that gives him the edge. But you can learn, you know what I mean? Being a look at Trump might be an exception to the rule.

[00:01:50]Everybody thought he was a nitwit. I think his IQ is about 311.

[00:01:54]Um, you know, so, uh, but anyways, we the country's been enjoying Spencer Pratt's campaign ads going after Karen Bass and [ __ ] And, um, he just dropped one this morning, I guess, and an animated one. Um, nice and short and sweet, so it gets the message. Even the [ __ ] will get it. He made it in cartoon fashion. Let's take a look.

[00:02:19]He reposted an AI video. I >> think it's a very dangerous trend.

[00:02:24]>> I mean, I was kind of freaked out.

[00:02:26]>> 150% fiction. His social media is now taking on a violent turn.

[00:02:31]>> Okay, Karen, you want no violence?

[00:02:37]Dooy of a dookie crap on the sidewalk pinching a loaf of rope of a dookie crap on the sidewalk pinching a low.

[00:02:54]Just a wave of my stick to finish the trick. Prepity.

[00:03:06]Short and sweet. A dookie.

[00:03:09]He'll get the black vote with that.

[00:03:12]>> Excuse me. Think about that for a second. Just think about that for that's what you It's It's It's so easy if you're the opponent of the incumbent when there's human [ __ ] on the sidewalk. Uh we can't have that. We can't have needles. Can you imagine? And the other side is against saying this is all wrong. We have to fix it.

[00:03:35]Can you imagine? Just think about that.

[00:03:36]They again, I've said it before. People go, "Oh, liberalism is a mental illness." I I didn't believe that. Well, it's a different brand back then because they they were actually openminded. But now, there's no doubt you're [ __ ] mentally ill. Um, anyhow, you've heard it all. Whatever.

[00:03:54]Uh, what did I do? What was a little lonely last night? uh no no hockey and no baseball. God forbid I picked up a book. Actually, I did. I had no choice but to write some more of my book. And I'll talk about this later in the show because we have a story that involves AI and um yeah, so I was on chat GPT PLA KNU in New York. No.

[00:04:20]And I was in a conversation with it for 90 minutes, sending it excerpts of what I've written so far, them analyzing it, creeping me the [ __ ] out. The first criticism was something about this joke's a little r a little hard um or whatever. um something about being um you want to get the readers on your side or which is funny because my whole career even to now people would all the only criticism I'd get from people who love me and that are in the business and and I still disagree with it because I am who I am but they'd go you you gota it was it was usually seven out of 10 was women telling me this maybe eight out of 10 you got to be more vulnerable on stage And and Colin Quinn used to laugh. I I remember him talking about me in an article saying Depalo's different. He comes at it from like a winning a winner's perspective cuz you know most comedians and magicians are supposed to be downtrodden had you know their family didn't support them and you know woe is me [ __ ] He goes to Paula comes at it from a winning yeah I'm a [ __ ] you know. Um, so I would always hear that more vulnerable. Uh, you know, and they were just sort of saying that only about writing. Uh, and I'm like, "Oh my god, how the [ __ ] do you know that already?

[00:05:42]Really creepy." And then gave me some great notes. And um, as far as ordering, you know, [ __ ] IT'S LIKE TALKING TO AN author who's written 40 books.

[00:05:54]The the scene about you at the at the state fair with your girlfriend trying to win her a stuffed animal. Put that here. put this here and b and I talk about my first date where I went to a movie. It was a Stallone movie, Paradise Sally, the worst thing you ever made.

[00:06:08]And in that first date, leaving the movies, I get in a car. This is all true. First date with my dream girl, getting a fender bender cuz I had my license for about two weeks. Didn't know what I was doing. And 10 minutes after that, I get in a fist fight with another guy who said I cut him off. And he followed me outside. THIS WAS WITH MY GIRL, MY FIRST DATE WITH MY girlfriend sitting here. So, I explained that to Chad. I guess I'm not going to talk about during the show. I'm talking about now. Uh Chad GPT goes, "Uh, let me have this straight. You your first movie with your dream girl was a Stallone bomb. Uh, you had a fender bender. Came walking back to the car like a a defeated nerd or defeated teenager. uh and then got in a had a physical altercation.

[00:06:57]They go, "That's not a short story.

[00:06:59]That's a Greek tragedy and then told me how lucky I was, how how much material is in there, you know, and it would give me examples of I'd give it a punchline and they would try to talk and it's the only thing they can't do. You can't repeat somebody who's a true comic or singer or you can't you they couldn't like top any of my jokes. But they loved the ones that I loved and this is why they would say it was fascinating. I 90 minutes I was talking to this thing like a long lost roommate from college or something.

[00:07:35]Anyways, I'm gonna start dating this thing on Thursday. Uh, I know it didn't work out for Shrader, the movie writer, but you know, I sent a picture of of my nads.

[00:07:49]>> Yeah, it sent back. It said, "When did you get get the new catchers mitt?" I said, "What the [ __ ] does that even mean?" Uh, anyways, fascinating. That's my first encounter with artificial intelligence at any, you know, duration of time. And it freaked me the [ __ ] out because I could have chatted with that thing for the next three hours. It was giving again real you know writer's point and it kept a compliment to me going um you obviously you have I finally revealed I'm I've been a comic for 40 years cuz when they try to soften a joke I said look I I've been a national headliner comic I'm known for my biting you know my biting material and they said fair enough because you don't want to dilute who you are blah blah blah whatever the [ __ ] fascinating just fascinating so then I And here's another joke about mother's snatch and they went now wait a minute that goes at the beginning of chapter 6.

[00:08:46]I go what? Uh anyway, so that it was freaking me out and I can see why people are nervous about their jobs and I can see why that guy Shrader who wrote The Raging Bull and a bunch of other hits, Taxi Driver, why he said this thing gave me better notes than any producer I've ever worked with. It's [ __ ] crazy to me. I don't even know how it works. I don't want TO KNOW. IT'S BLACK MAGIC.

[00:09:14]ANYWAYS, that was my uh day. I was doing that during the afternoon. Then last night, I wrote a ton and woke up this morning and deleted half of it. I just laid in bed go, "No, she wouldn't have done that on a first date." But then my wife makes a great point. Apparently, everybody knows more about this than I do. She's like, "No, you can use that as an exaggerated. I I said she was I could tell my girlfriend my first date wasn't into the movie because and I said something like I looked over thinking she'd be watching a movie and she was flipping M&M's up and you're trying to catch them in her mouth. But I go, first of all, you can't do that in a dark theater. Number two, it makes her sound like a [ __ ] who I wouldn't see again kind of. You know what I mean? Uh and I also then I had to go to the bath. She says I got to go to the bathroom. But my wife goes, "You can leave one of those in as an exaggerate." And I go, "Why does that have to be explained to me? Am I losing it?"

[00:10:08]Um, the other I said she during the movie, 20 minutes later, she said, "I have to go to lady's room." And she went up to think to the lady and she about 8 minutes later I'm like, "What the fuck?"

[00:10:18]So I go up to halfway up the aisle up to the top and I look in the lobby and I see her and some girl, she doesn't even know they're comparing boots and laughing.

[00:10:29]Doesn't that sound like something girls would be doing?

[00:10:32]And um and I asked her why what you guys doing with your boots. She goes, I came out of the ladies room behind her and I told her she had like a piece of toilet paper a foot long hanging off her shoe.

[00:10:43]When she turned to listen to me, I had the same thing. And I go, "That's the type of [ __ ] girls laugh at until they shit."

[00:10:51]I don't know. But anyways, see what I'm saying? I woke up and I went, "Nah, that might be I could come up with an even more wild example." Oh, I did. What am I saying? This wasn't even wild, but it was more believable.

[00:11:06]I said, I looked over and she's rifling through her purse for like 3, four minutes like an EMT looking for an EpiPen and she pulls out a [ __ ] stick of Wrigley Spearman gum.

[00:11:19]And I leaned over and apologized for the movie being so bad. And she said, "That's fine." and she put her hand on mine and it was the first time we held hands and I oh listen to this I go my heart was pounding through my chest it was pumping blood through every every organ I have and I go um especially whatever and I go the blood was flowing to my I was so hard the blood was flowing to my penis like water does when you're filling an ice tray what folks you're going to I love this [ __ ] book or or not.

[00:11:56]Anyways, I'm talking too much.

[00:12:00]My buddy Al calls me, lives in Alabama, friend of mine from Boston. It's been in Alabama forever. Um, and he says, "I'm in Savannah. Let's have dinner. Me, you, and Andy." I go, "Fine." He I said, "Come on over here. I'll cook dinner."

[00:12:13]He's like, "Great." So, I start cooking and [ __ ] you know, all of a sudden he texts me back like, "The food's ready." texts me back, I got to go back to Alabama. My wife just called. Half our roof blew off our house. And he sends me pictures. And he sends me pictures.

[00:12:32]So, I ate a pound and a half of a rotelli.

[00:12:35]I look like I was pregnant this morning.

[00:12:38]That's about it. That's all I got, folks. Sorry to bore you.

[00:12:44]Today, I'm going to be talking about liberal churches that hate America. This thing. See, when I yab too much, this a piece of [ __ ] by the way. The [ __ ] I have to have a timer on it. [ __ ] jabs.

[00:12:57]Jabs. Says Jabs. Arch. Why are you going to say Jabs? Cuz that's who made it. I'll be talking about uh liberal churches that hate America, obviously. Uh a university gramling, cracking down on kids, students cheating with AI. Uh, they found a World War II bomb somewhere in Indonesia under a house. They found it when somebody lit a fart. Uh, also the Black Crows, a group that I like them at the time. I know real music lovers.

[00:13:32]Yeah, they're hacky. Whatever the [ __ ] I like their music, but uh, turns out they they're [ __ ] left-wing stupid [ __ ] like the rest of show business.

[00:13:39]And we have a clip of them getting booed by the crowd because they were giving the crowd [ __ ] for being proud to be American. And finally, the NFL not so proud of homosexuals apparently.

[00:13:51]Uh, let's get right to the goddamn thing. Uh, Island of Nitwitz, a liberal church on Swanky Vacation Island, Nantucket. Now, was Nantucket I always confuse that. Was it Nantucket or the Vineyard where they brought immigrants?

[00:14:08]>> That was the vineyard, right? Yes. And by the way, they might as well be the same. Nantucket's more authentic. I've been to both places many times. I've done comedy at both place. Beautiful places. Just f when you're on the vineyard or Nantucket, you feel especially the vineyard because they shot some of Jaws in the vineyard. I think you feel like you're in the [ __ ] movie. You're walking down streets. They actually shot on and stuff. It's really New England and very you can go over a bridge. Oh, that may be Muck. I don't know where Ted >> Ted Kennedy drowned his date. It's my favorite one.

[00:14:37]So anyways, this swanky uh liberal church on Nantucket nixed its Fourth July readings for the first time in 25 years in political protest over the Supreme Court's voting rights ruling and its congregants.

[00:14:57]>> Congregants congregants sounds weird uh over the congregants whiteness. That's a quote.

[00:15:06]Do you see folks? They they it's the 4th of July 250th anniversary and they're going to scrap a tradition that celebrates America, the con, everything that's good. And you know why they're scrapping it? Cuz the [ __ ] that runs the church is a carpet munching unhappy woman. So she has to take her politics and her venom out on the rest of the people. I really don't like [ __ ] lesbians.

[00:15:35]I know, Nick. Not all. 98% of them are miserable [ __ ] I hated you when I was seven. I didn't even know what you were.

[00:15:44][ __ ] hated you. I ran into some in college. I told them I [ __ ] hated them. Some of them weren't even gay.

[00:15:50]They just dressed gay. Said you got [ __ ] clamming boots and a flannel shirt on. You [ __ ] The Nantucket Unitarian Universalist has read the declaration. I can't even talk with this [ __ ] thing. notice uh Declaration of Dec declar [ __ ] I'm coming in here with no teeth tomorrow. Buckle up, folks. Uh has read the Declaration of Independence and Bill of Rights inside its church every fourth of July for the last 25 years. But again, salmon breath comes in. Ah uh this year the church's board of trustees and presiding Reverend Erin Splain. Why don't you explain to me why you're a miserable [ __ ] Good night everybody.

[00:16:30]There she is by herself as usual, sitting there. She thinks she's Hitler.

[00:16:36]Nice regular boy's haircut. Why, can we get a closeup of this pig? Uh, published a letter announcing the cancellation of the readings just one month before America's 250th birthday. By the way, yeah, I take it personally. I I hate lesbians because you don't like men. You just don't. You [ __ ] hate them. Even the ones that pretend to like them, you don't. You want to be one. You want a my famous quote. They want a dick. They They want dick not in them, on them.

[00:17:06]Thank you very much. It's a little uh grammar talk. Here's a video of uh inside the church uh the meeting. Not all the people in Nantucket were happy about it.

[00:17:19]Ah, [ __ ] stupid thing. One second.

[00:17:27]All right, Dan. Three, two, one. Hold on.

[00:17:34]>> I don't think that's funny at all. I'm sorry. All right.

[00:17:40]>> You know, that's what was going on.

[00:17:43]Somebody made a clamming joke about the reverend. The church blamed the revision on the Supreme Court's gutting of the 1965 Voting Rights Act and an ongoing process within the congregation to better understand our own whiteness.

[00:18:01]They're changing. See, this is all about showing an ID and and even black people, 89% of them are like, "What the [ __ ] are you guys? We we have IDs. Even black people are on the Republican side of this one." but not tunaface. The self-proclaimed liberal and free faith leaders claim that white people know the rights laid out in the America's foundational text have for centuries been tragically, often violently and unequally applied against nonwhite citizens.

[00:18:34]>> Oh, poor you.

[00:18:36]>> And I got a couple words. Let it [ __ ] go. Let it go. You're unhappy because of how you were created by God, who was a man, by the way, created you too close to his image.

[00:18:52]You're angry about that. And you want everybody else to be angry about something else. And that's just another way of saying, "I hate the white patriarchal set." That's all that is.

[00:19:01][ __ ] I just I hate them. I [ __ ] hate them. I think you could hit one, too, because they'll be hitting a guy.

[00:19:09]>> I don't hit girls. I a celebration without the context and the centering, listen to this [ __ ] of the fullness of our American story only perpetuates the harm, injustice, and anti-democratic process.

[00:19:24]>> SHUT UP. WILL YOU? WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?

[00:19:29]>> Do you have anything else to do with your life other than politics and just creating angst? Is that all you do? You miserable [ __ ] I [ __ ] hate you.

[00:19:40]You guys getting the point how I feel?

[00:19:42]Explain. A lesbian preacher, of course.

[00:19:45]>> Yes, sir.

[00:19:46]>> That's not what I meant.

[00:19:49]My angry vagina, I missed it. Said that she'll be at the church on Independence Day morning should anyone want to talk or engage further. Yeah, I'll be right down there with a shotgun. Stick it right in your stretched out ass. What? I don't know. St. Paul's Episcopal Church of Nansucket. Hey, there once was a reverend from Nantucket. She had a dick so long she could suck it, she said with a grin as she wiped clam juice off her chin.

[00:20:22]If my ear was a [ __ ] I could [ __ ] it.

[00:20:24]Good night, everybody. Charlie, that's going in. Charlie Chasing. Oh my god.

[00:20:30]I'm about to show you guys no teeth.

[00:20:35]I feel like a college girl going, "No, you don't. Take your fingers out of there."

[00:20:40]What' you say? Charlie Chase and a Nantucket resident bashed the Unitarian Church's lame duck excuses in a letter to the editor of the Nantucket Current.

[00:20:51]For all its imperfections, and this guy's right on, "We're all blessed to be living in the United States, and I think it's a shame to lose sight of that."

[00:20:59]Chasing wrote this is on Nantucket.

[00:21:05]Same people as if you guys remember we sent the legals to Martha's Vineyards a few years ago. You know the ones that were screaming that they should all be able to live here. They couldn't get them on a bus out of there quick enough.

[00:21:15]Showed their true colors. A These people are cut from the same cloth. Amy Riley, another islander, highlighted the church's cowardice as it shied away from a pertinent teaching opportunity. She said, and I quote, "Cancelling the reading risks becoming an empty gesture.

[00:21:33]It may signal virtue, but it does not teach history. I don't even know what virtue it signals. It does not bring people into deeper conversation. It does not honor the abolitionists, reformers, veterans, civil rights leaders, immigrants, teachers, teachers, parents, and ordinary citizens who spent the last 250 years trying to make this country more just. Amen to that sister.

[00:22:02]Oh, I hate him. I [ __ ] hate him.

[00:22:04]Dallas, I [ __ ] I hate him.

[00:22:08]I got to calm down. You know how you calm down? You're bringing a new sponsor.

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[00:23:57]It's a beautiful thing. Real quick tour update. As you know, I was going to do three dates this year total. And because my [ __ ] teeth caved in like a Kentucky coal miner, I had to move the dates to November 5th, which is the punch line, Atlanta. Then November 6th, the Rivers Casino in Philly. And November 7th, so two of the three I've never done before.

[00:24:21]Uh it's a new it's a new punch line. Uh November 7th, Soul Joles in Partstown, PA. Go to nickdip.com to get your tickets before they're sold out. And go to the merchandise page. We have hoodies, hats, t-shirts, bed pants, IUDs, um, surgical gloves, clown exploding clown shoes. Get all that at nickdip.com.

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[00:24:52]>> Hi, good night everybody. Heat.

[00:25:04]Heat.

[00:25:14]Heat.

[00:25:30]Heat.

[00:25:37]Heat.

[00:25:47]Heat.